tonight was a crazier night than I've had in awhile. and I made Nicole and Beth cry because they were laughing so hard at my idiocy that I thought I'd share it with you before you heard it from someone else. Anyways... lemme back up a bit.

Wednesday night I worked at the Men's Volleyball game vs. BYU. I swear.. those volleyball boys are so awesome. They are really good and I wish they could have won, but it was really close everytime.. I guess it's just those little things that matter. But it was weird because all these Mormoms infiltrated RIMAC.. and I hear that it's because the Church sent out at 5,000 person email saying to go support BYU at the game.. and thus.. they all showed up. It was kind of sad that they overpowered our crowd. And Griffin said it was even more crazy when they went to BYU last year. Like the crowd sits 5 feet away from you and screaming in your face. Crazy life.. I remember when I used to be an athelete.. aww.. sad.

Today.. went to class, ran errands with Sakura, and then came home and slept for 4 hours. I bought a new I-Zone though.. which is always fun. I feel kind of bad though, because I bought a new one (because it was cute and on sale) and the old one which I stole from my sister isn't even broken. hmph.. I'll just have to put both of them to good use. So when I woke up, ate dinner, did some cki work, and chilled. Vivian came over and then we ran to school (yes.. I was actually exercising.. good huh? .. ahha.. Kimmy thinks I'm on crack) and then went to Ralphs and saw some cute boys who invited us to a party.. but didn't really invite us.. I dunno. it was weird.. but yeah.. that was incident #1. Came back to my house, watched Bridget Jones' Diary.. funny funny movie, and then I was about to take Vivian back home and we started talking to this boy who said he was a musician and in the Screen Actor's Guild. After talking to him for awhile.. he gave us his number we called him, and then I guess found ourselves at his house. (don't ask). Upon driving there I called Nicole and told her that if I died, this is what happened to me. When we got there, we sat around for 10 minutes or so. He was so short, and umm.. quite "effeminate" as I would guess. But totally still in the closet. haha.. the first time I talked to him on the phone and he said "hi" I mouthed to Vivian "he sounds SO gay" and it's mean of me to say, but my gay-dar isn't good at all (Convention was a prime example of that) and I could tell. Vivian's went off too. So yeah.. he tried unsuccessfully to be suave and we left.. and he wasn't even like walk us out. But whatever... as we were walking back I saw on my left side some scary iron statue or this warrior guy holding a spear over his head, and Vivian saw a skeleton slumped in a chair, and one hanging from a cross. We simulatneously got freaked out and started screaming and running. As we neared the end of the walkway and approached the sand and water I slowed down because I remembered Beth's scary pier story. I looked back to check what was behind me, and when I turned back around there was a guy there and I promptly screamed. I felt like such a moron. Anyways... we talk to this boy while we're all walking out to the parking lot and he's going to work because he works at the airport. He was totally a cutie, said "y'all" and drove a mustang. And when Vivian introduced herself, he asked for our names which was big brownie points. So we wanted to hit on him while we were driving but I didn't have enough guts to stalk him while we were driving, so it didn't happen and now I'm kicking myself in the ass. oh well.. I guess it's not meant to be eh? Anyways.. on the way home I called Nicole to let her know I was okay, and she told Beth the whole situation, and they were both in tears laughing their ass off at me. Because it didn't get much better than "Jean drove to some random online guy's house at 4am on a whim who was short, hairy and gay who asked for weed." umm.. yeah.. the things I do at 4am when I've had too much sleep. Rest assured I am quite normal and these are not things that I do when I'm by myself... only when I'm with my lunatic friends.

so for all you UCSD kids.. vote yes on the Athletic Fee Referendum.. this is what I have to say. Today while I was walking back towards my car, we all passed by some Action kids handing out their literature. And then I heard some boys... who were probably losers with no life.. comment on how they didn't care enough to vote, but did vote on the Fee Referendum. And then went on to say how they voted no because they didn't want to pay the $27 to help out atheltics when only $1 or so went to recreational facilites. And then his lame ass friends concurred and said that that was bullshit, and it was the principle of that they didn't want money coming out of their pocket. And not to fund sports either because there weren't any sports worth watching or supporting at this school. And then one of those guys was all like, "well our water polo team is pretty good isn't it.. and our women's soccer team won the national championships again" and I don't think they really said anything in response to that, except that they didn't want to have to pay more money. This is my gripe, and I really didn't feel like getting in to a full blown argument with them.. so I'll just say it here. To those people who think there aren't any sports worth supporting... I bet you've never even gone to a game, or thought about it. How can you talk about something that you don't even know? And the point of the referendum is to fund these sports so that we can become better and make them more amusing to the masses. Sure.. maybe I am a little bit biased because I work for ICA... but that doesn't mean I'm wrong (haha.. cuz I never am). :P But schools like UCLA and Stanford pump big amounts of money into their sports, because they have money and thus people support them. We don't have money, and people think they suck, and then won't give them money and the whole cycle starts all over again. And I wouldn't say that sports weren't enjoyable anyways.. people that actually do go to games have a good time, and have lots of fun supporting their school. It's just all the lame losers who don't care enough to even look into it, and then say it's not worth their time, when really they have no clue what they're talking about. There's a lot of really talented athletes out there, and they shouldn't have to suffer the consequences of the apathetic student body and get less support than they already do. Like I pay $75 in my student fees to use RIMAC... and just because I don't go everyday.. my money's going to waste.. but I'm not complaining that this fee should be optional.. or to lower this just because I personally don't have the time to enjoy it and don't feel it's worth it? So moral of the story.. vote yes on the fee referendum

On another note.. my email hardly seems to be working correctly.. either I receive my mail, and can't send mail out, or I can send mail out, but can't receive it.. but not both at the same time. yuck.

One more thing.. my dad's leaving for Taiwan for three weeks and I'm not going to get to see him or talk to him. sadness. :( have a safe trip daddy.

so really I have nothing to blog about, or at least anything that I feel like sharing with people, but i felt like my blogger was lonely and empty and neglected so I decided to say at least something. hmm. let's see.. I worked at the San Diego Crew Classic this past weekend. both Saturday and Sunday much to my chagrin. not that it wasn't fun, but it required me to attempt to wake up at 5am both mornings and work until the late afternoon where it was quite nipply out by the bay. but it was fun, I got to play with binoculars and walkie talkies, ride in boats and sit on yachts (yay), and see some cute boys row. :) i'm so convinced that i want to own a boat or yacht or something... it'd be fun.. and I could add it to my collection along with my tourbus. hahah. anyways.. I sat on the yacht at the start line all Sunday afternoon and it was so awesome because it didn't even feel like it was moving.. wow.. amazing. Anyways.. Circle K stuff, family sadness and drama.. blah blah blah.. my life is boring.

i did however manage to sleep through yet another day of classes.. shame on me.. so I suck. it's only second week and i've missed two days of class.. and yet i'm still sitting here blogging at 2am.. i'm horrible. but on Friday, I did something that people would be proud of. For the past year or so I've sort of agonized over a friend who became not so much of a friend for ridiculous reasons.. but I was always sad because I knew we used to be good friends and thought maybe we could be once again. and this person has not always been the nicest person in the past year or so, and I just kind of dismissed it or took it like "doormat" however you want to put it. but I guess Friday was finally the last straw where I realized that, really, this person was definitely not worth it.. and maybe we used to be good friends, but things had definitely changed for good. It still makes me a little sad, but at the same time.. I honestly have no qualms about dismissing this person ... which is really unusual for me. hmm. .maybe I guess was because it was a long time coming. I don't know. .but for any reason this person I am no longer concerned with.. and it's a good thing. this is step 1 towards me being less "apathetic" and not to "care too damn much." good yeah? yes yes .. this is a small step, but baby steps huh?

wow.. this blog is longer than i expected.. and all about nothing too.. hmm.. I guess I'll leave you with a funny that was said at our Circle K mtg today:

Hailes: "So everyone can attest that that's my corner because it's where everyone picks me up."

ummm.. yeah.. so I'm a horrible person.. or a horrible student at least because it's only the first week of school and I'm behind on my reading and I skipped classes.. well I didn't do it on purpose.. but when my alarm clock failed to get me out of bed because of the invention of the snooze button.. and then I finally woke up at 11 and realized that my first class was over and my second class had already started. but then i realized that my clock was 15 minutes fast, and that I actually had 20 minutes to get ready.. but i wouldn't make it time with parking/me being slow. oops. anyways.. so I chilled, made myself a sandwich because I FINALLY went shopping and have food in my fridge. I think I got sick of eating out all the time because it was so expensive. Watched "Two of a Kind" with Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen. Nicole's going to disown me as a friend.. but I actually really like watching that show.. and their other show So Little Time.. it's not like I watch it religiously or anything, but if it's on.. I enjoy it. :) yes yes.. now I'm no longer Nicole's friend.. but hey.. maybe it's her fault.. she bought me their makeup! Anyways... then I drove to school, ran some errands.. bought Strokes and Tenacious D tix for my sister's roommate and went to Groundworks at like 5:02 to find out that they closed at 5. fart. Anyways.. then I just chilled at Vivian's for a bit, went to Costco and got gas. (ooh.. exciting) and then went to go see the Jason Mraz show with Vivian, Julie and Brianne. Originally I didn't want to go, just so I could chill at home, and then I only went because they needed a sober driver, but I'm really glad that I went because he's really really good. It's very chill/mellow music, and he's really nice and what not. We took tons of pictures and got him to sign our cd's and probably looked like the hugest groupies and like big fools. Dah well. But I guess we might go see him again with Lisa Loeb at Canes.. so that will be fun.. I always really like Lisa Loeb.. I hope she plays her old stuff.. hahahaha.. she's prolly so old now. Anyways.. Then Darrell called me cuz he was in San Diego.. and we talked, he came by and we all tried to go the Pike party but it was closed cuz of fire hazard. Saaad.. I really wanted to dance too. damn us and our groupiness. Then Darrell and I just went to Roberto's.. we had a little mishap with the cheese and its moldiness.. but um.. yeah.. I think I'll live.. hopefully. But I have to get up tomorrow to volunteer at the SD Crew Classic.. so I'm debating whether or not to go to sleep... hmm.... and listening to Manny's details of his date... *sigh... I want to go on a date. I hate you Manny. :P

ho hum ho hum.. i'm bored. hah.. I should probably be reading some Foucault.. but not like that would make me any less bored. yesterday was fun... I did some circle k junk.. mostly just tabling. and then took a nap and awoke to the sounds of screaming girls playing Dance Dance Revolution.. so I went downstairs to join the fun. hehe.. now I'm a crazed addict. I did tear myself away though to watch an independent film with Julie.. it was pretty funny. "Late Night Shopping" And then picked Vivian up at the airport. And then proceeded to play some more Dance Dance Revolution, hehehe.. cleaned my room and watched Dawson's and Felicity. awww... Today did more cki junk, and classes. Also went to Costco and had a fiasco where I locked Vivian's keys in her car and my ice cream was melting in the backseat. Finally Julie brought the spare keys and went to Savon to "peruse" the liquor section.. hmm.... anyways.. so not much.. I don't really feel like doing anything.. so.. yeeeeeaaaahhhh.

ugh.. it feels like it should be friday. haha.. it's only been two days of school and i'm already sick of it.. how horrible is that? Anyways.. nothing too exciting. On Saturday I went to a birthday dinner/party that my sister had and it was at this really nice restaurant and it was a lot of fun. Hehe.. it made me all jealous because A) I wanted it to be my birthday, and B) all her friends seem like they all have it figured out. Of course I know that they don't but like they all have their movies that they're in, or their producing things.. I dunno.. and know what they're talking about.. and I felt so young and inexperienced. And they were all drinking wine.. but I didn't want any anyways.. and plus I was driving ;) So yeah.. that was a fantastic time. Sunday I got to see Joey (yay!) and he brought over a cake that his mom had baked for us.. it's SO good. Drove back, and there was INSANE traffic on the 5 around Del Mar. But I got home, and the past two days I've just been in school and doing Circle K stuff. My first meeting was interesting and had some run ins with some morons.. :P and that's putting in mildly. haha.. but it was a good first meeting I suppose. I LOVE MY BOARD! :) Today was classes some more, and it was kinda sucky because I wanted to get into my Pornography and the Law class, but this teacher wouldn't let me in because she gave priority to 5th year graduating seniors. Yuck. I should have gotten in that class.. and really if these people wanted to graduate so bad, then you would take any of the other open comm classes.. it's not like that was the last one ever. It blew. But instead I'm in a Children's Lit class which a billion people were trying to add, so I felt bad because I was taking up a space.. but it's for my GE. And Sakura, Stup, Jill, Trish and Jennie are in it.. so it would be a fun time to see them since I hardly ever got to hang out with them. yay... hanging out in class.. so exciting. Did some more Circle K stuff (yes.. again) and then came home and was a couch potato. Took Vivian to the airport, and had a date with Sakura. :) we talked about Circle K, school and boys.. :P It was a good break.. and I'll have to have dinner with her more often.. ew.. not like I'm not going to see enough of her this year. But yeah.. I'm supposed to read 80 pages of deLauretis (again) and the technologies of gender.. oh yay.... *sigh*

you know one thing that i've been thinking about today? a)i'm a bit of a girly girl... when I was getting thrown in the pool.. the first thing I thought about was "take off my shoes! they're Steve Madden!" b)i really love my friends who have supported me this whole year, it really means a lot to me, and i've only succeeded so well because of all of you.. thanks. c)and even though I can be super nice and thoughtful to those people I like.. I'm totally like that stereotypical high school popular girl and can be the biggest brat of all when I want to. if you piss me off.. i mean.. really really piss me off.. I can be quite evil. And sometimes.. this is worst of all.. I can be so snobby and bratty. I'm not saying I'm proud of it.. but it has just tended to be my nature that I've realized in the past few years.. maybe always.. but I've only noticed it lately. I love my friends, and we have the best time together. And we're all very sarcastic and witty. But we can also be quite mean... yikes.. I'm such a jerk. *ugh..

wow.. I can't believe tomorrow's Friday and my spring break is already over... sad sad sad. Today was alright.. more running around due to post banquet stuff. I was SO tired after I cleaned up and gave Hailes the extra food. I woke up all tired.. drove the chafing dishes back to Oscar's came back, and just kind of sat for another hour. Then I went to return the key, and then came back.. packed and drove home. I missed my dentist appointment because I thought I was going to be super late.. and so I called to reschedule. But when I got back to Torrance I was only like 5-10 minutes late... and I should have just went, but when I called back they were all like.. nah.. don't come in.. of course, because they feel like I would throw off their schedule. But dude.. it's not like I wouldn't have been sitting in that dang office for that long anyways... what fools. So I just chilled at home.. which was REALLY nice and felt SO good. I just sat and watched my Dawson's, Felicity and South Park.. hehehe.. "you're breakin' my balls man" Oh my gosh.. it was a little depressing though.. because it was when Jen and Dawson first started dating.. and like.. he was all like "I'm not like your other boyfriends. i'm not going to cheat or lie, and I'll keep coming home no matter how much you push me away. And either you'll learn, or you'll keep on testing me, but the result will be the same." AWWW... I want a Dawson.. he's such a cutie. And then there's Ben.. who yeah... *sigh. ANYWAYS.

I went to the library to check out some books for my sis.. but I ended up checking out some of my favorite childhood books.. Me and Katie (the Pest) I love that book. and some other Ann M. Martin books. Then I went out to dinner with my sister to Chili's and we got some movies from Blockbuster... I bought some *hopeless romantic silly girl* movies.. Someone Like You and The Wedding Planner. And I was going to buy Save the Last Dance but I bought American Pie 2 cuz it was cheaper.. haha. But yeah.. came back and just chilled.. home is good.

So yeah.. now it's Thursday morning.. and I'm really done. Like.. officially done done.. well as Lieutenant Governor anyways. Today was my banquet, and I mean.. I wasn't really sad, because I think I had already thought about the sadness part so much already. *sigh.. that was during convention, before I even got retired.. but at the pre-board mtg, and at the board meeting, and all that weekend, I just started to realize, this is it... I'm not going to be on the District Board anymore, ever .. again. sad huh? Everyone kept asking me if I was sad, and like.. I was just kind of like.. not really. I mean.. I'm not so much a girly girl, and I didn't cry and convention and I didn't cry tonight, but tonight was really good... I think it was because all of my friends were there to help me celebrate. I was so surprised that so many people wanted to come, maybe because it was right after convention, maybe it was because Hawaii was there.. it's definitely not because all of them loved me, some of them maybe, but not all of them. :P I don't know.. it was all very weird. But let me back up.

Tuesday- I went to the dentist, then drove back down to SD. I feel really bad because my mom's super pissed at me right now.. and I think it's combination of being pissed at me and being dissapointed in me maybe. I wasn't home all weekend, and then went out again on Sunday night, then went out again Monday night, and left for SD on Tuesday.. so really I haven't spent any time at home and I think that makes her sad, and the way she reacts is by getting mad at me. I felt super bad last week because my dad had called and wanted to talk to me, and asked me when I was coming home and I was trying to explain to him how I was coming home, but leaving again and then coming back.. and he was all like "yeah yeah I know you're busy." Like they've accepted all the times I've come home after Circle K weekends and just slept but not really gotten to see me. When Joe made his farewell speech my freshman year he totally talked about how his parent's house became like a motel for him, just a place to stop or just a place to sleep, and I totally know what he means now. But anyways.. came back, showered, and then went with Kimmy to Canes to see MEST. They played with some bands named Inspection 12 and Whippersnapper. We really liked Inspection 12 and were going to get their CD, but they were all sold out by the time we got to it. But MEST was really good and I totally like them I got the lead singer to sign the sticker I bought.. haha.. whatevers. Then ate In N Out with Gibbler and chit chatted about our least favorite subject boys. She's kinda having a tough time right now, and sometimes it makes me wonder if it's really worth it.. but then again I think, I'm not even at that point, and when is it my turn? *sigh* I guess I just have to be patient and it will come to me.. that's what everyone says anyways. Then came back home and talked on the phone with Mike and then went to bed. - interesting eh?

Today! I woke up rather early because I had to change the food order.. for some reason I counted wrong and thought that there were going to be way more people, so I bumped up the food, but I realized I counted wrong.. but it was already too late. dah well. Ran around like a fool trying to get banquet stuff done and was WAY WAY WAY late in starting.. I started it on Jean time.. hahahahaha whatever. Sorry guys.. but the food was alright. We had chafing dishes for serving and on the bottom were these canned heat things. So Ryan Billings and Lan started to light them with their cigarette lighters from the car and pieces of notebook paper... I nearly had a heart attack and in my mind I saw the whole place burning down and realized that I was going to lose a lot more than my deposit.. but I guess they're pros because it was all done with. People ate, I ran my DCM and the Banquet, gave out awards (thanks Armando for the 50 million times I asked you for help), and then got gel frosting squirted on me and my dress, Kathy saved me from being thrown into the pool (thank you Kathy) only to be "caked" by Joel in my hair... yeah.. in my hair. Sick.. that is the worst place ever.. it's way worse than the time in 5th grade were some seagull pooped on me on a whale watching trip where I didn't see any whales. I felt like I had a whole head full of pigeon poop. Anyways.. I went back an showered and changed.. it was okay.. I lived. Sakura came back to see if I was okay and stayed while I showered.. what a sweetie. Went back, showed the talent videos, gave my little farewell speech and cleaned up. Everyone just kinda mingled and talked and we all took pictures. Overall it was a really good night and I'm really lucky to have had so much support and so many really good friends who were willing to drive down to SD for some sloppy food and a banquet that didn't even start on time where they even had to sit on the floor. But it was kind of like a big party. I felt kinda bad though because I was saying a lot of things wrong and people were correcting me, and I felt really bad.. I was tired.. sorry. But tonight towards the end as the crowd got thinner and thinner, and people helped me clean up and we just talked I realized that my friends are awesome. I'm really glad that I was on District Board this year because I got to meet some amazing people that I feel like I'll talk to for a long time to come. And people who really care and help when you need it. So for all of you thanks.. I love you. haha I even got presents.. I felt like it was my birthday party. Thanks to John for getting this really cool candle/dolphin stand.. it's so pretty. Thanks to Holly for getting me a really cute picture frame. Thanks to Sakura for buying me super gorgeous flowers and thanks to those two big nerds Beth and Nicole who bought me a Britney Spears doll and Mary Kate and Ashley glitter spray. hahahaha.. I love those geeks. It's so funny though because more and more I've been hearing people's first impressions of me, or like when they first met me stories.. and a good majority of the people think I'm weird, or crazy or annoying.. or all three. That's not so good.. hmm.. What's going on? oh well.. people think that, but I guess if they stick around long enough to really know me, then it's good, and if they don't... then they can go screw themselves.. *whatever.. I do what I want.* I dunno.. so much more to say.. but i'm tired.. so i'll continue this later.. but I have to say..

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY JOAN!!

yikes.. I haven't blogged in a long time. I guess that's just a testament to how busy my life has been this past week. I blog religiously.. even when I have school work to do.. hahah.. Anyways.. I guess I spent last Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday doing Circle K work.. prepping for Convention and what not. No surprise there. I worked some on the scrapbook with Sakura, and then worked on my spirit items, and then tried to organize rides and emailing people, and of course working on banquet stuff. Oh my.. busy busy busy. I'm so busy I haven't had time to update myself in my *NSYNC planner. oh my.. that's busy. Anyways. here's the beginning of my weekend:

THURSDAY:
I was doing stuff all day. Went to try and pick up the shirts and found out that they wouldn't be ready. Wet Monkey was really janky this time.. I don't know what's wrong. But anyways.. arranged for them to be done on Friday morning and for Sakura to pick them up. Took care of some more stuff, packed and emailed some people and finally left for Nicole's. I got a really late start.. sorry to Nicole for leaving so late because I know she wanted to leave a lot earlier than that. I was going to stop by at home too before I went to Nicole's, but I didn't get a chance to do that either.. sad.. I didn't get to see my daddy. :( Anyways..got to Nicole's finished my pasta, and then drove to Visalia. Yikes.. I didn't realize that that drive was so bad. Especially when it was dark. Thanks to Nicole once again for riding with me, and not ditching me earlier on.. haha I guess I should thank Armando for already being on the 5. It was kinda scary because I was going quite speedily on the freeway to try and get to Visalia for the pre-board mtg. Sorry I was late, but at times I caught myself going 100mph (don't tell my parents!) and I was going uphill like 80 mph, and then we started going downhill, and the road curved to the right, and I got totally freaked out because my car was going really fast and I almost lost control. It was scary. So anyways.. we were in Visalia and Nicole start screaming and shreiking "VISALIAAAAAAA!!!! WHOOOO HOOOOOO!" And then when we pulled off the freeway towards the exit Nicole stuck her head out the window to scream some more, but quickly pulled it back in because it was "ew.. stinky" awwww.. Nicole's so cute! Go to the board meeting way late, and just talked about the weekend, and then worked on some stuff. hahaha I fixed Carrie's computer when Sukhyung coudln't.. hahahahahaah.

FRIDAY-
Got woken up by Nicole who is quite possibly the worst human alarm clock. :P and then Board Meeting. sad.. it was the last board meeting. That was the first "I can't believe it's ending already moment" and then Walmart Errands with Carrie for the DBoard. I swear.. I have been to Walmart more times in this past week then I have been in my entire life. heh. Had the DBoard lunch at the hotel.. Philly Cheesesteaks.. yumm. it was SO good. Yeah.. food in Visalia is really good, I guess it makes up for everything else. Then the members started arriving, and then we had opening session. I, of course, felt like a retard in the pseudo costume that I just made up, put people liked it, so it was all good. Had opening session, and Convention had officially started. It was so funny because Nicole was all like "Jean.. we're sitting at the head table!" And it's a cool feeling.. sitting at that table and looking out at the members cheering and clapping and being excited for Circle K. Anyways.. did that then went to caucus. Retarded me, I decorated the caucus room, and it was all nice.. but I decorate the wrong room, because they swtiched them around I guess after the program was printed. *sigh I was kinda upset.. but I got over it. Anyways... caucus with Foothill, and then afterwards I think I just hung out with Carrie, Nicole and Beth.

SATURDAY-
Caucus once again, but got breakfast.. danishes..mmm.. And then the rehearsal for dinner, and then I took a little break. I probably should have went to a workshop, but Jane told us to take naps or else we wouldn't make it through the rest of the day and she was probably right. So I resided in my room before it was time for lunch, and then House of Delegates. It was an interesting House of Delegates like I thought it would be, and Hailes got elected District Pub Ed! Yay! It was so funny because after his speech people were all cheering for him, and Sakura and I were so astounded and baffled because we were all like.. these people are cheering for Hailes, and they don't even know who he is. And maybe it was his speech, but I didn't think it was anything spectacular, it was just "Hailes." And Beth said something about how he was charming or endearing and how she thought he was really cool, and again.. Sakura and I laughed because we would never have thought to use Hailes and charming in the same sentence. I don't know.. something about that boy makes us so amused. But we love him and he's great and we're so excited that he's Pub Ed. hehe.. we're still going to treat him the same.. hahaha. Anyways.. then got primped for the Senior/VIP reception. We sat and listened to Joe about his "ingenious" ideas about barbers and who knows what else. Then the awards dinner. I'm so proud of UCSD, we won so many things, and we won the things that counted.. SCRAPBOOK! yay.. we won scrapbook and Sakura and I were sooooo happy. It's like our child. haha. It's a good thing that we won because then we wouldn't have to had staged a walk out. hehe.. I guess that $20 I gave Nicole really helped :P. Then I made a Walmart run with Megan, came back and danced for a little bit, and then did PTP pieing. hahahah I didn't get pied. I thought for a chance I might have been able to, but UCI put their tickets in Team 1 because they wanted the opportunity to pie someone.. which was dumb because if they had just waited for UCSD to put in their tix, then it may have been a closer race. Oh well.. too bad for Team 1, good for me. hahahahah. Then stayed up all night, with the exception of my power nap, and helped out with some stuff here and there. While Nicole is the worst human alarm clock I would have to say that Jimmy is the most amusing. He had phone calls with Michael Vartan and the Backstreet Boys to try and wake up Pic and Carrie. mm.. funny funny

SUNDAY
Got ready for rehearsal, then had the farewell session. *sigh.. sad sad sad. My divsion did win the Divsional Unity Award though.. which is awesome... yay my division! I also got to MC this session, which was fun, but I did mess up some names and "superheroines" oops.. my bad. During the slideshow and the speeches.. I never really cried. I don't know if it was because I was tired, or I had already heard most of the speeches, but like.. I think I was just sad it was over, but I knew that my Circle K life wasn't over. And that I'd see these people again. I don't know.. it's weird.. I was so sad, but it wasn't enough to bring me to tears.. I think it's cuz I was too tired to cry.. :( But the slide show I was laughing so hard I started to cry. Because Kathy and Nicole sat with me, and they were making fun of me and my "yay!" cheer. I dunno.. when I get happy I say "yaaaay" and so everytime they saw a picture of me or my division they'd do it all loud and I almost fell out of my chair because I was laughing so hard because I was so embarrased. Afterwards, took some pictures, and then rushed off to go check out of my room. Session ran way late, and I had to be at the Board Meeting, and so I left Sakura in the room, and came back later to check out. I think the maids were kinda irritated.. but I thought that I'd have tons of time. Dude.. I had so much stuff though. Packed my car, shoved in Nicole, Sakura and Beth's stuff. Ate Jack in the Box with the girls and Ryan and then it was off for home. I was so extremely tired though, and I started swerving here and there, and that woke me up of course. But like twenty minutes later I was so exhausted that i knew I would probably kill us all. The girls were so tired too though and none of them could drive so I parked at a nearby park and we all napped. Later when we woke up i went to go buy ice cream and water from McDonald's and they decided that Beth should drive. So she drove for a little bit, and then we stopped off to get gas, and I drove again. Met up with some CPP fools at TGI Friday's. We showed off the scrapbook and then went home. I dropped Nicole and Sakura off, and then came home for a bit and then went to Denny's with Carrie. hehe.. it's so weird, I've always gone to Denny's during convention and this year I didn't, but I guess we made up for it. Sat and talked and then I went home.

TODAY
Wow. that weekend just came and went like that, so fast. Today I didn't wake up until 4pm, and that was because Nicole called and my daddy woke me up. Otherwise.. who knows how long I would have slept. Chit chatted online and checked the million messages I had. Mostly junk emails though. Then head out with Mondo and Manny to meet up with Beth, Nicole and Ryan and did a pseudo-board post convention dinner. It was our attempt to stay in the convention world, but it's nice to just chill and have spring break after convention because it was so tiring and I would have died if I had to have school this week. We ate the Rainforest Cafe, and Sukhyung joined us later and then drove Manny and I home. It was a good time, we just sat and talked ... mostly about CKI stuff of course. hehe.. It's inevitable.. you put two Circle K'ers together and you get CKI talk. Anyways... I have a dentist appointment tomorrow and then banquet errands to run. Then back to SD for the MEST concert with Kimmy and then my banquet on Wednesday. Back to Torrance later on to chill with Angelee and spend some quality time with her.. :) I love that girl. And then back to school on Sunday. Yikes.. I hope my banquet goes okay. I dont' know.. I have like a million things to do. *sigh.

But for now.. I'm tired.. so tired I can't really think straight. I think I'll totally need this week to catch up on my sleep deprivation from this weekend. But hopefully I'll get to talk to all my friends as well. :) I just want to chill.. that's all.. that sounds good to me.
*ps.. sorry that this isn't like very insightful or like my thoughts or what not.. but just an update of my life. my real thoughts and feelings will probably come later when I'm not so tired and have the patience to come up with these things.

Yikes.. I feel like ever since I turned in my papers, my life has been a whirlwind of activities... not necessarily fun ones.. but just in and out all the time. Yikes.. but today has been a chill day.. so I can tell you what I'm NOT doing right now.. which is writing another paper. haha.. hey.. I wrote 22 pages last week.. it takes a lot out of you. I don't know if I have it in me to go 7-10 more. Anyways...

I'm in a pretty good mood. I was way bummed out during the weekend, but I guess my moods just kind of come and go. I hope there's nothing wrong with me. :P On Thursday I worked on my two papers all day.. with a few exceptions here and there.. but mostly working on the papers, or complaining about them.. it all goes hand in hand. I was up forever and a day though, and went to Jack in the Box at 2am with Kristen, and took an hour nap (that was only supposed to be 15 minutes.. oops) at 4:30 and finished writing my paper. Turned in my Museums and Zoos paper, and then my Popular Culture paper. It felt soooo good just to hand them in and be done with it. *yay. Went to Roberto's with Kristen afterwards because she hadn't eaten all day, and then I went back home and passed the fuck out. :) excuse my vulgar language. but I seriously was unconcious. Woke up a little later, and was supposed to go to Kristen's dance concert, but just ended up hanging out, talking on the phone. I was a little bummed out because I didn't have anyone to hang out with on a Friday night besides myself. (yeah.. I know.. I'm lame).. But finally when Kristen came home we went to Jack in the Box (we're whores for Jack in the Box) and then went back to her place and watched I am Sam. It's a really good movie, and little sad at times, and that little girl Dakota Fanning is sooooo cute. aww.. But it was really good.. went home and slept.

Saturday I went to Total K day and did community service with the most delinquent children ever. They were cussing and talking mad smack and threatening me.. it was insane. It was just so hard to control them and be responsible for them, when they really gave you no respect. When I came back for lunch I sat down with Kathy, Jill, Amanda and Jason and they all looked at me and asked me how everything went, and I gave them this look, and I knew they understood because they went through the same thing. Anyways.. went home, napped, went to work at the polo game.. it was Princeton.. aww.. I still got a little nostalgic from wanting to go there. *sigh.. but whatever.. the girls kicked their butts.. so it made me feel a bit better :) Afterwards I think I was supposed to go to the Dance Concert again.. missed it again, but I went over to Sakura's and worked on the scrapbook until midnight-thirty. It's so cute though.. we're TOTALLY going to win.. Kiss my ass Berkeley! haha.. just kidding. Anyways.

Worked again the next morning, ran to Walmart for Circle K errands with Sakura, work again, and then home.. for like 20 minutes.. went to the airport to pick Vivian up, and it was totally crowded like a mo-fo, and then came home again, changed, and Jill picked me up for the Dance Concert. We finally made it and Kristen was SO good. She's so talented and graceful.. now I'm mad at my parents for laughing at me whenever I told them I wanted to be a ballerina. :P But it also totally made me want to be a performer. This always happens.. whenever I go see shows, I picture myself on the stage and it makes me want to be up there. hehe.. Afterwards went to Jill to this bar in El Cajon that we thought was a total hole in the wall, but it ended up being this really huge party out in the parking lot. It was alright but it was a lot of crazy older drunk people (like.. 30's and 40's) and it was also raining. I got really cold and wet and I'm really surprise that I'm only mildly sick. But it's all good. :)

Today has been and EXCELLENT day. I've been in such a good mood. I got tons of rest today and woke up, showered, and my hair is behaving today. :) I got a B+ on my Pop Culture paper (yay me!) and I could take the final to try and raise my grade.. but it would only help if I got an A on the final, and I don't really think I could do that.. so I'm free for today. I went to my audition to try and get in to Singing for Actors next quarter, and although I might not get into it, the teacher said I did really well, and she had a big smile on her face, which is usually a good sign, so it made me happy. :) Came home, got food at Ralphs because I'm too lazy to make anything (and I really don't have much to make stuff with) and watched Days of Our Lives for the first time in a long time. Austin was on today and that totally made my day.. except for he's with retarded Sami.. ugh.. these story writers. Anyways.. they were all in this really fancy restaurant.. and it made me all girly like I wanted to go out to a nice place, get all dressed up and what not. *sigh.. but.. I will get to get all dressed up and do my hair all cute this weekend at convention! yay! I still need to go dress shopping.

On Thursday night/Friday morning while I was taking one of my many "study breaks" I added links to my page. yay! (look to your left) I'm excited because I did it.. all by myself.. I guess working at computer camp for two summers was worth something. Anyways.. on Friday or Saturday I added comments to my page - thanks to Pete for helping me out- so now all y'all can comment on my super exciting life. hah. jk.. you can just comment and tell me what a retard I am. Just click on the word "Comments" at the bottom of each entry. I know you want to profess your love towards me. So go comment! Now!

okay.. so I'm about ready to "jab myself with a rusty spoon" as Manny would say. I don't think I've ever worked so hard in my life. I definitely need a break.. so hello blogger! I have been holed up in my room this week writing these stupid papers.. and it's 10:30pm and I have my Pop Culture paper almost done. Which is a good sign because it's done more than 24 hours before it's due.. BUT I have one more 10 page paper to due before 9am.. and that would be my problem. ugh. damn these teachers who think that final papers should be due 10th week instead of finals week. I have been online doing research and trying to spit out words to write my paper with all week and I don't think my computer can handle it anymore. It keeps crashing every few hours when I ask it to do too many things... and it's either restart or restart, and I almost cry because I don't think I've saved in awhile. But thank you to the man who decided to have something in Word that recovers stuff when you don't get a chance to save.. I LOVE YOU!

anyways.. I'm really not supposed to be blogging, and I think it's time to get back on the horse. but my life really hasn't been too exciting this week. I think I've only been to school and oh.. I worked at the NYU/UCSD Men's Volleyball game. Yay! We won, so that was exciting.. although that was the night I got 1.5 hours of sleep so I really wanted to kill the NYU coach everytime he called a timeout... grr. Other than that I just sit here and hope that make there will be some way to get out of this paper writing festival when really I know there's not. But I did take an IQ test today on AOL, and then used that re-do my "how much I'm worth quiz" hehe.. I'm worth exactly $2,285,374.00. hah! take that Nicole! haha.. just kidding. Anyways.. it was fun.. check it out. Yes, me writing these papers has made me mad and I've resorted to taking retarded quizzes, harassing Nicole about her "love life" and listening to my *NSYNC Christmas CD (yes... I know it's not Christmas) but I just got it.. so I figured I'd give it a whirl. I did take a break and watch the new *NSYNC Girlfriend video with Nelly in it. They are so great, and I love them and I had the biggest idiot smile on my face forever.

this is me and Nicole:
jeanyah: i LOVE *nsync
jeanyah: no no no I LOOOOOOOVVVEEEEE *nsync
*five minutes later*
jeanyah: oh my gosh.. i love them
spaznik: yeah yeah.. i got it
spaznik: jean LOVES *nsync
spaznik: loves them.

Gosh.. I just looked at my Calendar.. I can't believe that Convention is in a week. By this time in a week I'll be in Visalia (oh joy) preparing to have one of our last pre-board meeting meetings and our ice cream social. Oh my.. it's going to be kinda sad.. a nostalgic kind of sad.. awww... *sigh.. how quickly the year passes.. but I'm sure you'll here lots more about it in the coming week. But for now.. I have other things to do...

aiya... time to go back to writing my masterpieces of crap. wish me well y'all.

oh good lordy. I really am not enjoying this week at all.. it's going to kill me. And this morning I was all sorts of bummed out. So yeah.. I still have two 10 page papers due on Friday.. one on Pop Culture.. and one on Animals. yeah.. it seems all easy enough.. but a)it's ten pages and b)it's such a broad topic where I have to formulate my own argument and conclusions and what not. damn these upper division classes.. they don't give us prompts anymore. *sigh.. I miss the third grade. Anyways.. Monday I went to bed at like 6:30am.. work up at 8:50 for my 9:05 class.. needless to say I was late. But I did have a productive day.. I sat in Price Center and read.. that was fun .. yay. Went to my other classes, and then came home and napped before Circle K. Where.. I woke up at 6:50 for my 7:00 meeting.. but that was only because my daddy called me :) otherwise I'm sure I would have slept right through. Checked in at the lecture on campus for COCU175, talked to Sakura and then went home, tried to do work, and went to bed at 3am. Today.. I was supposed to have a productive day.. but yeah.. I just kind of slept all day.. oops. But I'll make up for it tonight by not sleeping and *hopefully* getting to work on my paper. I had a coffee date with Mania and then went to the library and checked out 8 books on Mardi Gras.. or actually.. Carnival.. whatever. But today while I was online I did get to talk to Mary.. so that was fun.. I totally miss that girl. So this is why I was bummed out..
a- because I have two 10 page papers to do, and don't really know what direction to take them in.. so basically I'm going to fail.
b- because I'm SO busy with school and Circle K and everything else.. but yet I don't feel like I'm doing anything
c- and because I gave up going to the *NSYNC concert on Sunday because I didn't think I could make it, and I was just going to go today.. but 1)I could have made it and 2)I didn't go today. I didn't go because it would have been foolish of me to drive all the way out there when I have a million things to do. And it sucks because I really wanted to go... so badly I even contemplated buying tickets for Friday in Vegas.. but I wouldn't be able to get out there in time because I have class.. and it's a far drive. So I missed the Pop Odessey tour, and it sucks.. and it makes me quite sad.

but as always.. I have my friends to help me out.. here are some wise words from my friends:
KitCheNsync222: oy vey...
KitCheNsync222: okay, BREATHE.
KitCheNsync222: take a few deep breaths and BREATHE right now.
KitCheNsync222: thats the most importnat thing.
KitCheNsync222: without breathing, you won't be able to accomplish anything. ;0
KitCheNsync222: did you outline what you have to do?
KitCheNsync222: like write it all down?
jeanyah: mm. kind of
KitCheNsync222: and plan a schedule?
jeanyah: not really
KitCheNsync222: i know it sounds dorky.
KitCheNsync222: but that always makes me feel better.
KitCheNsync222: charting it all out.
jeanyah: i just don't really know enough to even make an outline
jeanyah: that's how much trouble i'm in
KitCheNsync222: realizing what you have to do is good, but then you need to plan it out you know? seriously, break down your hours and stuff. :-)
KitCheNsync222: you do too.

Me: Michele, I'm going to fail out of school
Michele: I did that already.
Me: So it's not that bad eh?
Michele: nope.

Sakura: I know what you should do. Go back to sleep, wake up, eat, then go back to sleep, wake up, eat again, take a shower, and then start your homework. And you have to eat a lot or else it doesn't count okay? So eat lots of good food.

CKI Pete: I see. I think you need a vacation... with some hot male strippers.

HELLOOOOOOOO! So as usual I'm blogging instead of sleeping or studying or doing something useful with my time.. but hey.. blogging it's pretty important right? uhhh.. yeaaaahhhhh. Anyways.. thanks to everyone who a)asked me if my hand was okay and then b)laughed at me for being such a dumbass... but yes.. my pretty little hand is okay I suppose. It still hurts a little bit here and there, and the wound is still pretty nasty.. but I'll live.. especially for these next two weeks.. dammit! :P Anyways.. but I did manage to hurt myself even more on Friday night.. (yes.. I know..) and Manny says I'm the one keeping the bandaid business alive.. har har har. Let's see:

THURSDAY- MARCH 7th- I got woken up quite early in the morning for a Circle K call (glorious) and then proceeded to sleep until 2pm.. so much for me getting a early start on the day. I tried to read some while I scanned some pictures for the Convention slide show for my division, and ordered pizza for dinner because I was too much of a lazy bum to cook, but I guess also the fact that I really didn't have any food in my fridge to cook was also a factor. Ate pizza, sort of watched Friends and afterwards although I had said that we would run the dishes through the dishwasher, for some reason we didn't and my dishes piling up in the sink were bothering me.. so I washed my dishes with my one good hand, because my left hand hurt and I didn't want to get it all dirty. Anyways.. needless to say that took awhile. After that I felt like I needed to get out of the hosue so I went and bought some coffee and ice cream and went to go visit Kimmy.. who.. WASN'T HOME! Jesus.. that girl is so busy. Afterward went to the library and read, came home and read and finally fell asleep

FRIDAY- MARCH 8th- Dragged my sorry ass out of bed, rushed off to class, went to the Kiwanis Luncheon, class, nap, went to the Lacrosse Game to see Kristen dance. They performed their routine to Britney Spears! haha.. it was great. And then later I was supposed to go to Trish's house and watch a movie with her, but I came back, got some food and took it over to Vivian's and ate it there while I watched Dude Where's My Car (I love that movie)... yeah yeah yeah.. but what does mine say? dude! what does mine say? sweet! anyways... it got too late for me to go to Trish's since she was sick, so we talked on the phone and realized we hadn't really seen each other in soooo long and made plans to hang out after the craziness of 10th week and finals were over. Went to a party with Vivian.. it was kind of random.. just a bunch of her work friends, kinda older people.. they freak me out a bit.. but it was entertaining I suppose. Ate In N Out at 1:30am.. (yikes) and stopped by Mike and Stan and Hayden's and then went home. I stayed up and did my MRF while this guy on AOL tried to convince me to let him come over.. umm.. okaaaay.

SATURDAY- MARCH 9th- Woke up friggin' early to go the Kiwanis DCM in Escondido which is friggin far. came back.. napped, ran off to the water polo game for work, dropped off the stats. I had planned on doing laundry but fell asleep again, went to another water polo game, dropped off more stats, and then came home. Where Ann and I worked on selling the SD NSYNC tickets and I was trying to read. Finally this guy wanted to buy tickets for his granddaughter.. (aww. how cute) and so we arranged for me to go drop them off in Escondido.. yeah.. had to drive out there again. boo. Anyways.. I was more than willing to just because I needed to unload these tickets and it was totally cool that they were buying these tix for their granddaughter's 13th bday. But at midnight I got in bed and read and finally decided to sleep at 1am. (wow.. that's a record huh.) Got multiple phone calls and messages from Vivian, but I was so tired that the phone didn't wake me up.. when it usually does. But at 3am.. she definitely woke me up leaving this message that she had run out of gas in the stretch of freeway that only had praries and grass. And she didn't know where I was because I hadn't answered any of her phone calls and so Neil was going to go pick her up. Crazyness.. haha. I guess it's like the time Pete ran out of gas.. except I guess it wasn't 3am and he wasn't in Oceanside. oh well. Anyways.. I called her back, talked to her for a bit, called Neil and offered to go with him so he wouldn't have to go fetch Vivian by himself, but he just ended up going by himself anyways. hah. oh well. I crawled back into bed and kept Vivian company on the phone until she said her phone was running out of batteries, tried to go back to sleep, and then got another call around 4:30 saying that she was on her way back. oh crazy crazy crazy.

TODAY!- So anyways.. despite all of that I woke up at 9am (SO TIRED) packed up my bags and headed out the door to drop off the NSYNC tix. The guy was really cool and owns this place that sells corvettes.. yeah.. he totally could have afforded to buy my tickets off me. But I hadn't seen so many really nice corvettes all together in one place.. Angelee would have died. But as I was leaving, I almost got into a fatty car accident.. cuz I was pulling out of the driveway and there was a big ass van blocking my view on the left side.. so I waited until all these cars had passed because I could see like way far down the road so I looked left, then right and then left again.. proceed to pull out before the car on the right car but this truck that was behind the van was speeding towards me. We both slammed on our brakes and he slid pass me inches away from my front bumper (including the loud screeching of tires noise). It was kind of embarassing because it was right in front of the guy who I sold my tickets to, so I bet he thought I was probably super irresponsible.. but it's really was a hard turn to make. But really I do thank whoever is watching out for me because I definitely have come close to a lot of danger in the past few weeks and always made it out okay.. so thanks. After that ordeal, drove to LA where I got thee best food I've had in weeks. My mom and dad cooked.. it was SO good and then Manny picked me up to go to the SAG awards. We sat there, chit chatted, and the people sitting behind us were so funny. There was this one guy with bleached hair and these crazy raver sunglasses and would like crazily yell out the stars names to get them to turn around so we could take pictures. He seriously had no shame.. which was so great for Manny and mine entertainment. When some chick from West Wing or the Practice or one of those shows was walking by he yelled out her name and was all like "you can be my psychiatrist anyday!" .. she had this half amused half scared look on her face it was great. I got to see Ryan Phillippe and Ethan Hawke who are total hotties, and Keri Russell.. who I love, and I totally freaked out when some of the Friends came by! Joey, Chandler, Ross and Phoebe.. damn Jennifer Aniston.. why did she and her hottie husband come.. dang it! Anyways.. it was totally a good time and I also got to see my sister who looked totally cute Ü Then Manny and I went to go eat at Cozymel's. I came home, read a bit, napped and then watched the 9/11 movie on CBS. Which I didn't even know was on because I haven't really been watching TV lately (when I told Manny that.. he was all like "dang.. are you okay?" hahaah) so Thanks Charles for letting me know it was on! It was intriguing because it was kind of an inside look as to what happened that day, but it was also kind of sad because you're reminded of all that had happened on 9/11. But I guess at the end they were all like, they chose to show it because they wanted people to see it out they saw it, not as a day of terrorism, but a day of strength. (Because the documentary/movie was about the firefighters, and their plight, and it just was really done I think). So I got to thinking that those are the kind of movies I'd like to do someday.. well not JUST that.. but that included.. and I do have the skills to do something cool like that. I guess just making a difference in the world. Anyways.. watched the News features on the SAG Awards because Joan called and said that she might be in the live coverage part, and lo and behold THERE SHE WAS! I saw my sis in her cute little dress talking and whatnot.. and she was behind this big guy, so my mom got all mad and started yelling at the TV, telling my sister to move so that she would be on TV, and telling the big fat guy to move. hahah.. I also saw MANNY! In the footage they were showing of the people on the red carpet, there was a shot and I totally saw Manny.. I freaked out and called him and he was throughly amused and laughed. hehe. I didn't see me but that was prolly cuz I was leaning back or something.. or maybe I'm not as noticeable as Manny.. haha.. but it's fun to see people you know on TV! PS.. watch Access Hollywood and EXTRA! tomorrow night.. Maybe Manny and I will be famous some more! but yeah.. so then I got my hair cut, and then packed up my car with food from home *yes!* and drove back to San Diego at 1am. Yikes.. (with a full tank of gas by the way because a) I always get gas in Torrance because it's way cheaper than janky La Jolla.. and b) I wouldn't want to be stranded in Oceanside like Vivian.. but I DO have Triple A thanks to my sister.) Anyways.. I flew back home and made it back in like 1 hour and 20 minutes.. which isn't usually faster than I make it home in.. but it just seemed like a ton faster... weird. Bought some caffiene at Ralphs, got my parking permit and helped Vivian with her video for a bit (to avoid getting a parking notice from the complex security for parking in a guest spot), came back, showered, and now I should be reading.. but I'm blogging. HAH. I need help. But Carrie and I have started to do what Khay Seng and I used to do, and have conversations late at night about how screwed both of us are. mm.. we love school. damn the quarter system. but yeah.. I think I'm done now.. GOOD MORNING!

Today I "gimpified" myself. It wasn't such a great day.. and maybe it's karma for ditching all of my classes today. Anyways.. today I woke up feeling quite icky. Maybe it was from lack of sleep, or sleeping all weird, but who knows. I woke up way late and sickly, so I decided to cop out on my Museums and Zoos class (yeah.. too bad we had a quiz.. ) then I was thinking about going to my Organizations class, but I thought reading would benefit me more. But I ended up napping.. (that's beneficial too though yeah?) Anyways.. also didn't feel like going to Popular Culture (but Mania checked me in.. so it's all good) and I was getting ready to eat dinner cuz I was a littel hungry. So I pulled out the Korean BBQ from my freezer and since it was one large clump I started trying to chip some out without defrosting it so that I could stick the rest in the freezer and it wouldn't go bad. And while I was doing that.. oh! the knife slipped and gouged a deep deep hole into my hand. I did the whole thing where I stared at the hole for a bit.. and then blood started to gush out, I rinsed it off, and then ran upstairs to where I whined to Michele and cried and crumpled on to the floor. I got Jilly to take me to the hospital where we sat around for 2 hours. I got looked at, and cleaned up and bandaged (no stiches!) and also had to get a Tetanus shot. BOO. I am deathly afraid of needles.. I'm the biggest baby. I whine and cry .. it's not so good. But I did get a message from my mommy wishing my well and she asked if I wanted her and my daddy to come down. hehe.. aww.. I'm such a little girl. Anyways.. my hand and arm (both on my left) totally hurt and I can't really make a fist or grip anything with my left hand.. so basically I'm a gimp. Fabulous. Does this qualify my to take the next two weeks off? Please?

I was supposed to make a decision and stick to it, and not regret it. And for the most part I've taken care of the first two things, but that last issue is a little bit harder. Sometimes I am the Queen of Regret. I wonder so many things like "what kind of person would I be like if I had went to North" or "what would have happened if I went to Carleton" or "what would have happened if I had just called the cops that one night." I don't regret every little thing I do because usually I get around to doing a lot of the things I wanted to do, but with timed decisions it's a little harder because you have to pick one of the other and then that's it. I swear, I need Decision Therapy (A or B?! A or B!? *smack!*) haha.. Anyways.. I recently made a decision and it's not a wrong decision, (I'm sure everyone and their mother knows what I'm talking about with the mad wildfire of "talk" that's going on these past two weeks) but it's a different path than the other choice. It's kind of like coming to UCSD. I love it here, but there a little part of me that will always wonder what me in Minnesota would be like. I talked to a lot of people before I made this decision and I half let them decide for more, but more like I felt like what they had to say was true, and so I listened to them. And then Monday afternoon I started to doubt myself. And now that I'm traveling down this path, and I found out other things about the other path I could have been on, I don't know.. a part of me wonders what it would have been like. I had said that I wish it was kind of like Ebenezer Scrooge where he got to see the different Christmas Stories, and choose the right path because of that. haha.. If I could only see into the future and pick the path which I liked the ending best to. But knowing me.. I'd pick the path, and then still screw it up somehow.

A) I need to learn to not be so gosh darn indecisive sometimes. I need to be able to figure what I really want instead of just wanting everything. Maybe I am just a spoiled brat. B) I need to learn to love myself. Even my Colorgenics profile says so! Thus I will be comfortable with the decisions I make whether or not people agree with me and I'll have to be able to defend myself in the face of. C) I need to not be so easily duped by people, and maybe one day call them out on the crap that spews out of their mouth. D) I need to be a little more aggressive in certain areas of life, instead of being such a weenie.

haha.. these are all good and fine "propositions" for my life, but I wonder how many of those things I can accomplish. I guess it all stems from me not wanting to be alone. I've gone through so many friends in my life (yeah.. that's sad) I guess I've had to be self-sufficient in my life, but yet I'm still not comfortable with it. I always need reassurance, and sometimes I will do things for other people even though I shouldn't, and I'll go along with them because it's easier than me making the decision in the fact that I might choose the wrong one and fail. Loneliness and failure are probably two of my greatest vices (among a plethora of others I'm sure).

*sigh* Maybe I'm just sad because this year is coming to an end. And although I have my place in the next year, I'm sad that things won't be the same.. although they never really would have been then same. ahaha.. I think the difference between this year and the year before is a prime example. I know next year I'll be wondering why I was such a jackass and even concerned with this because I'm going to have a great year. Or.. on the flip side I can become completely unenthusiastic and fail my entire year.. but like people say.. I wouldn't let that happen. The things I love will still be there (hopefully) and if they're not then maybe they weren't worth as much as I thought in the first place, and I should overvalue it. So.. who knows.. only time will tell I suppose. I NEED TO GO STUDY! I'M GONNA FAIL OUT OF SCHOOL!

procrastinating again...

but this is scary..
MY COLORGENICS PROFILE
You are longing for some love and affection at this time ... not that you have been deprived of tender loving care ... but there are times when everyone needs to try something new or to go "somewhere" else to perhaps experience that little extra "understanding" ...

For some time now you have been feeling rather insecure. You are looking for - and needing - an environment that can offer you roots, stability and a position that will relieve you of excess tension and stress.

You lack confidence and that is a great pity because deep down you are indeed a warm caring person. This lack of confidence is making you wary to be drawn into any open discussion or conflict and so you feel as if you should let matters lie ... and leave well alone ... but there may be a pleasant surprise in store for you. You are beginning to grow .. and very soon - sooner than you believed possible - this warm loving new you will be available for all to see and to appreciate..

You are feeling trapped by the situation as it stands at this time and what is more, you feel powerless to remedy it. You are stressful, angry and disgruntled. You feel that everything that you try to do to change the situation is thwarted and your hopes and aspirations all seem to be receding into the ever distant future.You have reached the state where you now doubt whether your dreams will ever be achieved... and this is not only causing mental stress, but heartache. You need to get away from it all ... You need to have time to think ... to recuperate ... to be able to make your own decisions.

You don't like conflict and you endeavour to avoid criticism. You want to do your own thing and to be able to decide what is right for you. You have considerable personable charm - and this is used with considerable effect on those that keep your company..

try yourself... www.colorgenics.com

I need some more discipline. Do you know anywhere I could maybe buy some?

But anyways.. today was a fun day, not really productive.. but alright anyways. Woke up, showered, rushed off to work. The Women's Water Polo game was event #1.. they played LMU, and I really thought we were going to win, but we didn't end up winning. Sad. Then I went over to the Volleyball game to drop off the stats and sat with Shannon and watched the game. Shannon and I met in acting class and she's such a nice girl. We chit chatted and caught up a little bit and watched the boys play UOP. They lost too.. sad.. BUT.. they did upset Long Beach State on Wednesday! yay! I'm sad I missed it. Then I ran some errands, came home and then went off to Sakura's to drop off the scrapbook and eat dinner. yay leftover Korean BBQ. Then rushed off to work for the Men's and Women's doubleheader against Chico State. The women's lost but the men won! yay boys! And then came home chilled for a bit and then went to the Basketball Party. It was SUPER crowded which was a little fun and not so fun. But I saw a couple people I knew, talked to them some, and waited for Kristen to come (who never came because she got lost) :P And realized that I probably have a million things to do and shouldn't have been there, I was all set to go and I see Vince. haha.. so since I said I wanted to hang out, we stood around and talked and danced and observed the drunk people. And then the po-po showed up and we all had to go home. All in all it was an alright day... busy busy busy.. and not even school stuff. yuck. But it was a good time... except when Novato poured Smirnoff Ice on me.. what a punk. :P

Oh my gosh.. this week has been so crazy, I can't believe it's finally over. Well I can believe it, but I'm extremely estatic, I really thought it would never end. Hm.. Monday... I went to class (in great fear of a pop quiz.. like always.. because I never read) Came home for lunch and took a nap... I was soooo tired. Went back to class and came home and tried to be productive before going back to campus yet again for my Circle K meeting. After that Sakura and I went to Woodstock's Pizza down near State for SDSU's fundraiser. The pizza was really yummy and it was a total college hang out place. There were tons of cute guys everywhere and they were all drinking... on a Monday night nonetheless. haha.. I guess it's kinda like "The Max" on Saved by the Bell, but umm. .more collegy. ahahaha.. I'm a big retard. Anyways.. after that I came home, chilled for a bit, and then went to go wish Gina a happy birthday at her birthday party. When I drove home, I was going to go park my car on the street, and it was like 1am. And I saw this kinda shady man doing weird things around a car that looked like Jen Bauer's. I got freaked out, and then just told myself that I was being silly and that I shouldn't make assumptions or whatnot, and not wanting to feel stupid, I didn't call the cops. Turns out Jen's tires and rims got stolen, and I totally could have prevented it. SORRY JEN! Next time I guess it's better to be safe than sorry even if you feel stupid.

Tuesday, I planned to wake up early, but woke up at 11am.. which is pretty good for me. hehe.. But the bad part is that I ran a few errands, ate lunch, and then went back to sleep. Oops. I slept until 7pm and then ate some dinner, tried to clean my room, and then ran a couple more errands. I felt like a fatty slacker. Afterwards, I came home and talked to some friends and worked on my scholarship application. But that's all done and sent off.. yay! I also called Mary because it was her 22nd birthday.. yay Mary!

Wednesday, same old drill, class class class. Except... I couldn't come and just nap afterwards even though I was SO tired.. I worked the Women's Water Polo game, and then stopped by the Men's Volleyball and Lacrosse games. Then I saw Nick, and chilled with him for a bit and afterwards went with him, Dave, DJ and Matt to Pizza Port... yum.. another really good pizza place, but closer! It's across the street from the train station in Solana Beach and I had totally forgotten about it, but Brian Capanna and I ate there once after I had missed my train last year. hahah. It was really good, they had 25 cent chicken wings and mozzarella sticks. yum yum yum. (I'm such an oinker.:P)

Thursday, although I had planned to try and have a productive studying or cleaning day, I got dragged out to the Korean BBQ sale for Circle K (yes.. my life). Since I didn't have classes and Sakura knew that, I got to be one of the lucky people to help out ALL day. It wasn't so bad, I refused to do the cooking since I smelled like Korean BBQ from head to toe last time, so I collected money. We made the most profit ever this time, so Sakura's really happy... although that's not so good for me since it's going to PTP to pie me at District Convention.. boo. Hitched a ride home from Adam because Sakura had class, took a nap and then went go to see The Duchess of Malfi at UCSD. It was a little confusing (since the language was old) and I was also really tired (at least I didn't fall asleep) and afterwards went to go give my old acting TA Erik Johnson the flowers I had bought him. Carli and I chatted with our old TA and it was really fun. It makes me a little sad though that he's graduating this quarter and I won't get to see him in anymore plays. But ... if he hits it big in New York or LA, I'll totally be able to go see him do something because he's going to be famous for sure. Seeing that show also gave me a little nostalgia about performing, and how I really want to be in a show, and not just any show... but one I preferably like. We'll see how next year goes. I'm gonna try and get in to the Singing for Actors class next quarter, so if I do, then that should be a lot of fun, and if I don't, I'll be quite sad. Afterwards went to go visit Colin and then Kristen and then Vivian and I spent and hour in CLICS. Then went back to her place (because I didn't want to have to park out on the street and I didn't want to get a parking notice) and managed to fall asleep there and get no reading done.

Friday, woke up at Vivian's dreadfully tired, drove home in a half awake state at 10am (how sad am I?) and then got ready for school. Sat in Price Center and read for a good couple of hours and then when to Pop Culture class and did my presentation. I don't know how well I did, but I think it was decent. Did some Circle K stuff, then went to work. UCSD vs. UC Davis in Basketball. As much as I love my school I totally don't like the lack of school spirit. The people at my school who have school spirit, have it hard core, and the people who don't care really don't care. But UC Davis has an awesome spirit program, they're band is so talented and so excellent and their cheerleaders and dance team is super supportive. They all traveled all the way down here to cheer at our game. But I do have to say that their dance team is nowhere as good as ours.. hehe YAY KRISTEN! But they're band is really really good and I was really awed by them and their spirit. Anyways.. came home, super super tired, got to visit a bit with Diana and Annie. I feel kinda like a loser because I really just wanted to sit at home and do nothing. Granted all of my friends are either out or out of town, but whatever. mm Well maybe I'll have fun tomorrow... it's the last basketball games of this year (sad...) and I know the boys are having a party, so maybe I'll go to that... hopefully I can find some fun people to come with. But other than that I think this weekend is going to be trying to study and work.. and probably some Circle K wedged in there.

As much as I want to say that I'm glad that this year is almost over, at the same time I'm sad to see it go. Because there were a lot of things that I wanted to do but didn't and a lot of things that I want to still keep doing, but can't. But like Pete said I guess... no regrets, choose a path and go and don't look back. But choosing the path is the hardest part, which is another thing I'll have to do this weekend. *sigh.. so many things, so little time.

Yikes.. the weekend has come and gone and yet I don't think that I've done anything. I haven't been productive at all.. sucks. On Friday I missed class (shit) and I woke up really late and decided sleeping was more worth showing up late to class and getting stared down. But then I ran off to school to get to my second class and it was cancelled (dammit) and then I went to the Kiwanis/Rotary luncheon and then some more class. yes.. I lead a very exciting life.. I know. Anyways.. after that Vivian and I went off to the Radiothon at the Children's hospital. It was cool.. we just kinda sat around and wait for the phone to ring, which it did not, but whatever. We were commenting about the cute guys there (all 2 of them) and I was reading the Koala.. which is quite lame this month. I'm dissapointed.. damn those student for equality or whoever they are. They whine and complain about how the Koala is offensive and what not and how it's not right and make a big stink... so that I'm sure the Koala has tamed themselves a little bit not to get into too much trouble. But really... if you find the Koala unfunny and offensive, don't read it. It's a big joke and letting people have their little entertainment value, and for retards like me to laugh at it all. People need to learn to laugh at themselves and not get all uptight all the time. This doesn't mean that you should let people push you around all the time.. but to a certain extent.. laughing is healthy. The Koala is dirty fun.. and hilarious.. it's just like the Tom Green Show and South Park and Jackass. You can't be really funny if you're not making fun of someone.. but anyways.. I'm just ranting.

After that we went to Today for Vivian's birthday dinner. She gets dinner for free (I told my mom that and now she's going to go there for her birthday every year until she dies now) haha.. Anyways.. then I dropped Vivian off, and then decided to drop in on Jeff Nagle. He's so fun to just sit around and chit chat with... haha.. Anyways.. after that.. went back to campus, and tried to find my friend's grad student music show, and I couldn't find it, but did get managed to get harassed by this big black dude. He was asking me all these questions, and I thought he was going to try and tell me something, and then he goes "so ... do you have a boyfriend?" My gosh! Are these really the kind of guys that I attract? Does is say "big black guys who are really forward please ask me if I have a boyfriend?" I mean.. I guess it's flattering ... but it's just really awkward! But that's just me because I'm retarded. And that's the first time I lied about whether or not I had a boyfriend... it's weird because I always felt bad about lying and was never able to do it, but this time my brain was all like "lie! lie! lie!".. haha.. I was all like "yeah" and he goes "what's his name... I might know him" *oh geez* I just kinda walked away and laughed. But I was also really freaked out because it was dark out and on campus and no one was really around.. yes I'm a weenie. I'm sure he was a nice enough man though... but I'm just a snob then I suppose. Anyways.. I went to Winterfest, saw FenixTx play.. they're so great!! Yay! And then the weirdest thing happened.

They had a "You See SD" contest where people could make videos on how they saw UCSD. And the 4th video was by some guy named Sam Chan. And so I was all like.. a guy named Sam Chan went to my high school, but it's a pretty common name so I didn't really think much of it. But the video played, and then the same Sam Chan from my high school came on!! Whoa! I like jumped outta my chair and was all like no way! They won the video contest, and so I saw all these people congratulating these guys.. so I ran outta my chair and went and saw Sam Chan. I got to talk to him for a bit and I find out that he transferred here since the fall... that's so crazy, I never knew that. But that's really cool and he seemed like he was semi-excited to see me. He had to run off and do an interview (since he had won) but his video was really good and I think he thought it was cool that someone he knew from home could see his work. You can probably watch his video at www.simpleshoes.com. I know I made all my friends watch the videos I made.. haha.. my poor friends. Anyways.. I was really tired, went home, sent some emails out, packed and then went to Vivian's to have some cake and chit chat with her and Laura. Proceeded to drive home at 2:30am. Called Pete at 3am (5am his time) because he had to go to a Pancake breakfast (Circle K owns us) and after I hung up I realized I had gone too far on the 5.. great. Turned around, but realized I couldn't get on the 405N from the 5S.. then pulled off the freeway and pulled off to the side of the road .. this was at 4am. Put on my blinkers and as I was about to leave a cop had his brights shining on me. I was so freaked out because I thought he was going to yell at me, but he was really nice and just wanted to make sure I was okay. He told me just to get on the 5N and I could get to the 405N.. and then I drove about the corner and felt like a colossal moron because 20 ft away from where I stopped the freeway exit was there and it said 405N and 5N. Yikes... good job me. :P Got home at 4:30am where I found my mom watching TV and waiting for me.. and I just crawled into bed because I was quite exhausted.
Woke up at 7:45am got ready, picked up Sakura and called Ann because I was supposed to pick her up too (haha.. she didn't wake up until 11am and her cell phone was on silent..) and then drove to the District LSSP. It was cool... we did graffitti paint outs and then had lunch at McDonald's and then painted Circle K murals. *sigh.. I should be an art major.. I love painting and stuff. It was so fun. haha. Props to Beth who drew out the murals and stuff. And me and Carrie made a lopsided Sunny.. haha.. go us. It matches my lopsided Circle K logo .. with the gold K and not white.. sorry Pic! ahaha.. even though Beth and I were told multiple times that it was white and not gold. oops... my bad. Anyways.. got to get dirty and paint. Then took pictures (those are Petey's pix ... yay him!) drove Hailes and Sakura home, and then went home and crashed, dirtyness and all. Woke up, flaked on going to the CPP vs. UCSD bball game. (Sorry boys!) and then went to dinner with the Fam to Todai. hehee.. Todai two nights in a row.. yikes.. I need to go hit RIMAC. Then drove back to SD, and then went to the party at Mike and Stan's. It was cool because on top of the Marshall crew, I got to see the theater people.. especially Dave Z. and Melissa Falarski from my acting classes. They're great. :) Before that though I got a call from Angelee who was in Torrance. I yelled at her for not telling me she was home because I had just left, and she yelled at me for not telling her I was in Torrance because she was there. hahah..we're such nerds. We chit chatted about a lot of stuff.. *sigh. I miss that girl mucho. Anyways.. came home at 4am and slept.

This morning I was supposed to go back to the Radiothon, but didn't quite make it. Finally dragged myself out of bed at 1:30pm because people were coming over. Scrapbook people worked at my house while I did stuff to prepare for my DCM and then cooked dinner for the DCM. I got a little depressed because not that many people were coming and I made a big deal about certain people coming and catered the meeting to them, but they didn't even care enough to really come. sad.. I really wanted to cry. I guess a whole year of this.. I should be used to it by now.. but I guess being dissapointed isn't something you ever really get used to. Anyways.. chit chatted with Vivian after she came over, and while we were talking I realized that something happened last night without me even realizing it. I really need to pay attention more and listen better. STB-Me! Then watched *NSYNC on the closing ceremonies.. singing the National Anthem. My gosh.. I LOVE THEM.. THEY ARE SO GREAT. They totally give me that warm fuzzy feeling every time I see them sing. (yes.. I'm a nerd.. I know). Anyways.. I was doing my scholarship application, but which I thought was due tomorrow, but actually isn't due until Friday.. I should finish it tomorrow. Yikes.. but I have had the most slackerish weekend, and while I've been super busy, I haven't done anything school wise. Ick. Kristen and I made promises to each other to not be procrastinators.. I think I failed that already. I suck. I really need to be a better student.. can somebody help me? I'll love you forever. :)

Today has been an interesting day. It's been a beautiful happy day to a day that's made me cry all within the same 24 hours. Really.. I didn't think that it was possible. But first off... because I know this is probably what everyone's talking about.. and I'll probably have something very undignified to say later on about it.. I'll do an umm.. before blog.

So Angelee IM'ed me today.. and this is how our conversation went-
Stbryangel: sucks that Michelle Kwan lost again huh?
jeanyah: dammit
jeanyah: i hate you
jeanyah: i taped it
jeanyah: and you just ruined it
Stbryangel: oh damn
Stbryangel: no i didn't
jeanyah: did you do this last time to me too?
Stbryangel: yeah, but only cause my dad did it first.
Stbryangel: just like he did this time.
Stbryangel: i didn't totally ruin it.
Stbryangel: you still have to watch it.

So anyways.. now I have to watch my taped Olympics, but knowing that I'll be dissapointed in the end. hmm.. sounds familiar, but then I opened up my webpage to blog and I saw this picture that says Hughes wins. so.. yeah.. ruined it even more. Ugh.. what's with this retarded 15 year old little twerps who come and topple the whole system. And what's scarier ... is that I had said awhile ago "dude.. that would suck if that girl was another Tara Lipinski and Michelle Kwan lost to her" what the hell? Maybe I jinxed it? I seem to be causing lots of trouble lately. ew.. what the hell.. I'll sure I'll be furiating when I actually watch the tape... watch out for my rantings when that comes around.

Anyways.. back to today.. god.. it must have been the world's longest day. Well.. except for that time I stayed up for like 36 hours, but it seemed like so much longer. I thought today was going to be quite enjoyable because I didn't have classes. But I stayed up until like 3am talking to Nicole about booty music (shake that ass bitch and let me see what you got!) hehe.. check out that link.. she quoted me in her blog.. yay! and Beth about bloggers and the people who read them. But anyways.. I then had to wake up at 6am for the GAG Kiwanis meeting because State was doing their takeover. I woke up around 6:20.. oops.. picked up Robin and Sakura, and drove on down there. They were serving some nasty corned beef hash that I couldn't even swallow, the Kiwanians adore it... but yet.. call it Alpo.. hmm.. interesting. Listened to the speeches, tried to convince people to go to convention, and schmoozed with the Kiwanians. Went to the Aquarium to make up for ditching it yesterday and called Kathryn to plan to meet her at the aquarium. It was really nice though that I went and had time to just walk my way through the aquarium leisurely. I would have been so stressed out if I had stayed yesterday. But yeah.. I looked at all the marine life and the tanks and did the worksheet (yes.. I am in 2nd grade again). hehe.. I finally got to see the aquarium that they broadcast on UCSD cable 24/7.. hehe.. live! whoo hoo! Anyways.. it made me really miss the aquarium and I thought about all my previous aspirations to be a marine biologist and work at Sea World. So many times I've given up things and not done things because I was too lazy? I'm so lame. But I thought about when I used to volunteer at Cabrillo and give tours to little kids.. and it was so fun, so I think I might do that again at Scripps, and I think that'd be great. After that I went down to the Children's Hospital to help out in the Miracle Mile of Quarters radiothon. I felt really bad because they had asked for Circle K help, and I really couldn't muster it up for them with all the different things going on, so I went down there. Also I think it was due to when I was driving home from the Aquarium, they had this little kid on the radio talking about his experience in the Children's Hospital and at the end he was like Thanks so much.. and it was so cute and totally made me feel like I should do my part. It was chill and I got some free food and drinks and got to sit in the "hot seat" where all the calls came in first. Took the calls, felt like a dork sometimes saying the greeting I had to say, but it was really cool how people chose to donate their money. This one radio station had this thing where they wanted to see who could be the first person to donate $1,000 and I got that call. Hehe.. it was pretty cool, and it was funny because people clapped for me, and would congratulate me .. but really.. all I did was pick up the phone. I mean... it's exciting.. but it's not like I persuaded them to do it.. cuz what are you going to say.. "umm.. I don't think you donating $144 is enough.. how about $1,000?" They'd probably hang up on me. But it was funny because when the next shift of Kiwanians came in, before I left we introduced ourselves and chatted a bit, and they were all like.. "oh you're the Circle K ltg? You're the one who got the $1,000!" and then they'd be all excited for me all over again. It was funny, and I asked how they knew and they were all like.. people talk.. about what? Me? why? They must have nothing better to talk about. Anyways... I was feeling really good after that.. sad that I wasn't able to get a whole big group to go, but hopeful that I could encourage other members to go based on my experience... *yay.. i got Chris to go! And Vivian and I are going back.. that's good right?* hopefully I can get Sakura and Jen to go. :) Anyways... so I came back home, and I was supposed to finish writing my speech that I had to make at the Kiwanis Sponsored Youth DCM, but I kind fell asleep.. oops. Anyways.. funny monkey called me and woke me up (thanks) and I finished writing most of my speech (also while freaking out about it, THANKS NICOLE for calming me down and helping me out) and sped down to the DCM. I was first up (great) and got to chit chat with the Key Club ltg a little bit. Both of the Div. 21 ltg's are great, and thus I got really kinda sad that I hadn't worked with them as much as I had hoped for when I first stepped into office (which seems like not so long ago). Like... how you make so many lofty plans and so many things you want to achieve, but because of one circumstance or another, they don't become realized. I know we could have done so much together if we had just talked more, and the Kiwanis LtG. Jeff seemed like a really witty guy (who is also a UCSD Alum yay!) who cares a lot about the service and the youth. It's like one of those people you can just tell. And while Jennifer made her speech it was much more lively, which made me feel quite boring and lame and dull, but I guess that's what college people are supposed to sound like eh? Well spoken? I don't know.. it's probably just that I'm lame. But I came home with a renewed sense of what I should have accomplished, and what I can do in the next couple weeks to try and make it better. Which is funny because yesterday I was all upset because it seemed like giving up was the only option. I came home, actually cooked myself (not microwaved) dinner and watch some television. I watched this Behind the Music VH1 special on Aaliyah.. it totally made me weep. Her friends were saying such great things and like... talking about how they had just seen her 2 hours and talked about how much they loved each other and how friends and family were always the most important. *sigh.. #1. And then I don't even know how it started but everything just seemed to snowball downwards much rapidly after that. I got into some conversations with people and did some thinking and while emailing I was thinking about how hard it is to motivate people who don't really give a rat's ass. Like.. trying to push a brick wall.. useless. It's a little unfair that I describe them like that.. but a lot of the times I really feel like no one is listening or doesn't care about what I have to say. Or like.. they'll do things that I say when it comes around, and if it never does... oh well. #2. Then funny monkey called me again to ask if I was doing my paper, and of course I wasn't.. and we talked about the pros and cons of doing two 5 page papers vs. doing one 10 page paper. And then that led to me being in a bad mood, my lack of faith in people, motivation, trust, friends, school, life, and of course.. boys. yikes... I know why she and I are such good friends. We also promised each other that we were going to keep each other in check... we weren't going to procrastinate, we were going to go to the library, read things and do our papers not at the last minute. And they were going to be kick ass research papers and a bag of chips! We needed some way to justify not half-assing it through yet another one of our papers. Anyways.. so that means I have 20 pages of writing to do in the next two weeks, all the research for it, plus all the readings and more papers for my other classes. YIKES.. I'm going to be a busy girl.. and not dilly dallying on non-important things.. so if I'm absent for awhile.. you'll know why. Unless I've killed myself from all the stress.. but we'll see. Anyways... after that, chit chatted some with Vivian and then some people online. Then got into other random discussions with many people about politics, integrity, friendship, my issues, my sensitivity, and the shittiness of certain situations. (And Ann reminded me again that Michelle Kwan didn't win... grrrr...) There's a lot of things that make me sad about how the world really is. And maybe sometimes my mom is right when she says that she protected me too much when I was little. I'm still really jaded in a lot of things and I still see so much good and get dissapointed when it's not really there. And what's even worse is that I still hope that deep down underneath, it's there, and set myself up for further dissapointment. Some people are really cynical about the way that things are, and I just haven't come to that point yet. I guess I can't really expect that things are going to work out for the best, and there will always be someone there to catch you when you fall. And I say this, but I wonder how people can really be like that. I don't know.. I have a million thoughts running through my head, plus class in six hours, a birthday dinner to go to, I'm probably going to go back to the radiothon, maybe winterfest to see fenixtx or go to Adam's show, and probably drive to LA. Then the DLSSP on Saturday, then possibly the CPP vs. UCSD bball game to see Novato and Cameron play, I'll see if anyone will come with. And then maybe driving back for Vivian's birthday party. But that will be a whole other drama in itself. But I think Kristen will really want me to be there for moral support, so I might just have to... we'll see how it all works out. I told Carrie that she needed to go, maybe I can still convince her. 21st birthdays are special... I don't care what any of y'all say. It's really not just another day... birthdays never are... they're a special day for you to celebrate you so indulge yourself. Heck.. god has the entire world celebrate his birthday. (no offense to anyone.. it was a joke). hehe.. you could be just like Taylor and turn 21 every year. Ü Heck I know when I turn 21 I want to do a big Vegas outing.. since I'll be the one of the last to be 21. And what's sadder is that Kristen and Amanda turn 21 right before I do, and I know that they're going to want to go out and party it up, and I'll be the only on who won't be able to celebrate Kristen's 21st... sadness. Anyways.. that's that. Sunday is the scrapbook making day at my house and then my DCM. mm which mean I'm also going to have to write a newseltter and put a lot of thought into what to talk about since it might be my last one. (*aww.. double sadness) hm.. we'll see how that goes and who shows up. I guess I don't know.. I just need to grow up. Or I don't know.. I don't know what the problem is, or how to fix it. Pete suggested therapy. Great.. that's just confirmation that I'm crazy. That I don't need.. it's like those things.. if I close my eyes and I can't see them, then they can't see me. If there's no doctor to tell me I'm wrong, then nothings wrong with me right? haha. I'm just giving you more reason to believe I'm delusional. But I should probably rest up.. it's gonna be a full couple of weeks. Wish me luck.

sweet.. i'm so excited that i got my counter to work the way that i wanted to.. and i didn't even need any help from a nerdy computer boys.. i did it all myself! whoo hoo! anyways.. i really shold be sleeping seeing as how I got one hour of sleep last night.. i have to wake up at 6 (in three hours) for the State Kiwanis takeover and I also have to write another 5 page paper (meaning.. no sleep Thursday night either. boo..) But yes.. procrastinating.. once again.

Hmm... On Tuesday I had lunch with my sissy poo at El Tarasco... mmm.... I love that place.. I love spanish rice.. it's soooo good. Anyways.. I'll stop drooling. I drove back to SD and hit a considerable amount of traffic.. but not too bad.. Went to the library and visited Jeff Dodge, chit chatted with him for a little bit. It's so weird to have him live there without Clint... granted that's his room and he should have lived there along all year long.. but it just seemed to make so much sense that Clint was there, and it's weird now that he's not.. but I bet Jeff enjoys the two beds to himself. I would. Anyways.. read in the commuter lounge for a bit and then went to Circle K. Worked out some kinks and convention registration stuff and then there was club officer election nominations... currently I'm slated to run against Michelle for president.. but I don't if it's going to stay that way.. but I'll just say that there's a plan of action that starting to turn the wheels of my head. Which.. necessarily isn't always the best thing because later that night as I was trying to read and study for my paper that was due the next day I had soooo many thoughts running through my head I couldn't concentrate. I felt like Buffy in that one episode where she could hear people's thoughts and it almost drove her crazy. The sad part is.. is that what makes me crazy are all my own thoughts. haha... Anyways.. so I ran off to CLICS to read and then kidnapped Vivian and we drove off to the 24 hour Krispy Kreme for doughnuts.. YUM and coffee to feed my non sleeping body. I fell asleep, and skipped class (even though I checked in.. shame on me) and finished my paper... registered for my classes ... (i didn't get into my pornography and the law class.. but i'm wait listed!) and then did the rest of my day. Nothing too eventful... well not for me anyways. But I did sit down.. when I was actually supposed to take a nap.. and started emailing and working on CKI stuff and did it for a solid 2 hours or so.. wow.. I didn't know I had it in me. I suppose I work the best under sleep deprivation. But yeah.. then I headed over to Stup's, Jill-A's and Crack-Whore's to watch Dawson's. Our quality girl time. :) I love my friends. And then I came back.. chilled for a bit, listened to other people's mass drama, and dilly dallied a bit with Kristen to compare which of us was more pathetic in our guy situations... hahah.. we're both such big nerds. And I was supposed to go to sleep early so I could be rested for the full day that I have tomorrow.. but ummm.. my blogger seduced me. shame on me.