happy february!!

yikes... there are times where it feels like time is going so slow. like.. a week ago when i went to annie & pete's show... seems like SO long ago.. but it seems like time has flown since my trip to taiwan, i can barely even remember it happened. anyways... it's february.. and this my 4th week at my new job. exciting exciting.. kind of. :P i'm still antsy about the whole "when am i going to be staff" bit... but all in due time i guess. i hope sooner rather than later. today my boss wanted to talk to me.. and i had all sorts of good and bad scenarios in my head.. but it turned out to be good. not "it" but good. :P

i've started to think more and more about moving out.. just so i can be closer to work.. because traffic is a bitch.. i hate it. i also hate that guilty feeling when i go out too much and not spending enough time that i feel that i am obliged to spend at home. but at the same time i might be too lonely at home by myself... since i'm not sure about the roomie thing. plus.. it might be nice to live alone. BUT.. who has the money to move out? certainly not me. well.. i have money, and i'd probably survive if i have to.. but just barely.. and i'd save probably no money.

i hate tax season for a different reason than most.. just because i get all my w-2's.. this year it's 4 from all the different jobs i had.. or maybe more are coming.. it seems like i should have more. but... the depressing part is that i open up my w-2's and see all the money that i have "supposedly" made during the year.. and i wonder where it has all gone. especially me with no real costs like car, food, rent, utilities.. etc etc... i wonder why i have none of the potential thousands of dollars i have earned. what is up with that my friends?

it is either my laziness or my new strategy.. is that i hold my paychecks.. and don't cash them so i can't spend them. then i deposit a bunch of them all together and it's like "wow!! i have so much money!!" but that's being because i'm losing accruing interest :P and really.. this isn't a plan.. just me being too lazy to go to a bank. those drive through atms across the street from school and my house in san diego spoiled me.

the end of last week was fun. hung out with sakura and did our "yay you got your first paycheck now take me out to dinner" ritual. funny though because she treated me last year.. and it took me a whole year later to make it happen. oh well.. we drank, ate good food and chatted. we got buzzed off of one drink (each).. how wussy of us.. maybe our stomachs were empty? but we had to sit in chili's and wait for it to wear off a bit. and i told her about the chili's waiter who me, beth and benji had one night... too bad we didn't get him again.. but i told him all his funny stories, so we'd giggle everytime he passed by. i wonder if he remembers us.. or if he just tells his sob stories to anyone who will listen to get more tips.

saturday i spent hanging out at my sister's putting shows onto dvd for her. it gives me the chance to watch most of the shows i watch anyways (plus cable) so.. it's not that big of a deal. it is a little time consuming because i have to go over there and it just seems to take longer when i'm watching a whole weeks worth of tv in one shot... but... technically it's time i would have spent watching tv during the week, just rescheduled. that night philly and lisa were in town for the ray lamontagne show... who i haven't heard myself but i've heard great things about him (that's for you pete.. check him out.. hahah) and so i was way excited to met up with them for dinner where we had the WEIRDEST waitress and crazy plate snatching bus boys. but the food was yummy, so i guess we'll just chalk it up to dinner entertainment. what was also entertaining was that i had some posters for philly in the backseat, but forgot i needed to seat 3 in the car, so philly someone managed to squeeze herself in the backseat with the posters to and from dinner.. but not without much hilarity. it was WINDY and cold that night though... so i didn't want to spend too much time outside. the wind almost chopped off my leg when it blew my car door shut. yikes. sunday was work pretty much all day. an added shift in the morning, a regular shortened shift in the afternoon and then another added shift at night. i am trying to make up for buying my computer and accessories, paying the red-light ticket, and all my other ridiculous expenditures.. i might help out with evals this weekend and next.. we shall see.

sunday after i came home from work i had to clean, but that left me with like 3 hrs of sleep.. so needless to say i was but tired. i came home and my dad, uncle and cousin had already gone out to eat without me (bastards!) so i just went upstairs and went to sleep. at 7:45pm.... crazy. slept until the next morning and went to work again. it all seems so routine.. i don't want to get stuck in a rut. so yea.. that's my life now..work and sleep. i don't know why i haven't quit the other jobs yet.. i don't want to. it's weird. i love and hate being so busy. because you know.. that i would be just sitting on my ass at home if i didn't have all those extra jobs to go to.. so at least i have a purpose.

next week is chinese new year :) year of the rooster.. that's me! haha.. does that mean i'll get extra money for it being my year? yea right. oh well..i rearranged my schedule to have the big chinese new year dinner with relatives, and maybe we will have a big blow out since my taiwan relatives are in town and it's a bigger deal to them. except that's the day my dad leaves for taiwan :( i am hoping that he will bring back lots of money meant for me back from my taiwan relatives.. since the cause is pretty much lost out here. oh well. that week i'm working on the night that the cute boy plays, and i'm hoping to "happen" to pass by him on my way to work.. coincidence right? hahah.. i'm a dork.. i know. or "so high school" as luc tells me. punk.

i was watching ebert & roepert on my sister's tivo last weekend and after hearing the good review that they gave my sister's movie i was excited to record it and send it to her. it made me happy because they said "the best movie of the show this week" but it made me sad because i think it was ebert said it was definitely oscar worthy... but it didn't get nominated. they were close - it was on the academy awards short list.. but didn't make the final cut. while born into brothels and super size me did.. and tupac resurrection... how much money can you make of a guy after he's dead... jeez! ehh.. i dunno.. it would have been really exciting if they got nominated... i wonder if i could have been my sister's plus one to the show.. that would have been THE BEST. in due time... but my company is nominated in a category for an oscar... i hope we win :) you should have seen everyone around here the day they were announced.. it's just like all those stories you hear about in the interviews, people calling each other in the early morning for congratulations, it was a big buzz.

i am also sad that my favoritest child star hot referree is no longer working at our rink. he freaking moved to idaho or something to work for the echl. damn you cost of living in LA. why couldn't he stay.. we could have been friends. damn he was hot. i was hoping he was just on a "break" and would come back when the season was over.. but no.. gone for good. :( maybe he'll be back later... i can only hope. i used to wish and hope that he'd be working the same games as me every week.. but i only got to work with him once or twice... boo... i bet all the girls in i-da-ho all over him. sluts :P

wow.. this was random and long. congrats to all the folks how got through it all :) it's like my tv watching habits.. instead of breaking it up into daily bits, i wait and make a big long one. :P man.. it's 4:40pm.. it needs to be 7pm already!! but it's funny.. i was telling someone that even though my hours are longer, and it never has seemed as long as it ever did at the temp job. that's a good sign right?

have a great day!!

oh and happy belated wishes to petey, erika, kimberly and ziad :)

is it wrong to say that downloading music makes me so happy sometimes :)

ps..what are good songs for hockey (or any sport in general would work i guess, even workout.. etc etc etc.. warm up music? except... i specify hockey just because i don't think they'd want to warm up to beyonce's naughty girl..as catchy as it is.)
no "girly" songs as this one little kid so defiantly put it. haha.. cute.

i need suggestions.

so at the request of jill i am blogging. i dunno.. i just haven't been "feelin it" lately.. nothing too exciting to write about. i work all week and then just hang out by my lonesome during the weekends. sounds like fun huh? i bet you want to be me.

mostly work during the week... one morning i worked in the commercials.. it's busy busy. i mean.. i get busy at my desk too, with calls stacked on top of each other, but over there it's a different kind of busy because i also have to screen calls and try to find people who aren't always where they're supposed to be. so it's more hectic... but it does make time pass more quickly. i hope that they like me though :P my daddy came and surprised me for lunch one day and i got a call "your dad is here".. haha. so cute :) he treated me to jerry's famous deli after trying forever to decide where to go. oh man.. i should have went to that place sergi said it good. oh well.. next time. my dad is fond of dropping by.. i told him next time to tell me so i can tell the security guard. we'll see if he does.. haha. friday was somebody's birthday and i had cheesecake at work... oinker! but it was good :) i think i'm going to gain a work 15.. have i said that already? i went home and cooked dinner and waited for my sister to finish packing so i could go pick her up. in true slacker fashion she had to finish watching some tv shows and i didn't end up going to her house until 2 and leaving until 4. although i was being a whiney brat at first, i was really thankful that my dad was there to drive because i was butt tired. saturday i woke up early to ship my sister off :( to japan and taiwan.. it's cool that she gets to travel lots, but sad because she isn't around. but then i go "check on her house" and watch her tv and record it on to dvd's for her.. hahah. you know.. purely for her, i get nothing out of it :P

saturday i had lunch at steve's with jimmy and ryan. i would say "like old days" because i used to ALWAYS go to steve's, but not old days because not with jimmy and ryan. is that how my life would have been if i went to north? haahah.. i cleaned some, watched sex and the city lots... gosh oh gosh.. i LOVE aidan. i never knew that he got married and had a baby, so come series finale time i always wanted him to pop out of nowhere.. but i'm glad he was happy. i want an aidan. sunday was work and then some more cleaning... trying to be good or something and not piss my mom off too much.. something like that. sakura came back from japan on sunday!! yay!! :) i can't wait to see all the cute stuff she bought me.. hehehehheh.

i was really good about not playing with my computer during the week, mostly because the internet wasn't set up and i was too lazy/tired to do it. saturday i got it working and now i am in trouble. i've been on the computer almost every night since then, and it delays my bedtime like always... so not good. i had the hardest time waking up this morning. argh. i can't wait until i get everything set up, my upgrading, external drives, software... it's kind of fun :) in that nerdy geeky kind of way. i also have to re-do my itunes so i can reconnect my ipod and reprogram that.. so i've been filling my brand new computer with useless junk.. for now. i'll delete it once i get it in my ipod.

it's been foggy and then rainy this week.. not so fun.. especially the fog.. it makes my commute even more hellish. i seriously think more and more about moving... but i gotta save money! soon.. soon. i hope. we'll see. i'm so.... indecisive. this week has been a good week so far though (and will be good to come with phillicita comin' to town!) last night was UBER fun.. i was so happy. i wrote this post on myspace, but i lost it! w.t.f. argh. but it's okay. last night was "acoustic on the rocks" at highland grounds... but what made it so special is the very awesome annie bethancourt and pete thurston came up from sandy eggo to play. loved it. lindsay, jeorge and yolanda also made the drive up, so i got to see them and hang out with them again.. it was so fun and carefree. when pete was playing i had this goofy smile on my face because i was just so giddy for no apparent reason. bopping along to the songs and just... having fun. no particularly outstanding reason ... just that they were there. i was bummed because i thought pete wasn't going to make it because he told me he was sick a few days before, but to my delight he made it. annie was beautiful as always, and her awesome family was there to support .. although i didn't get to talk to her much because she had to leave early, it is always wonderful to see her. she's awesome. and had a whole gang of fans! hearing them sing, being with good company.. loving it. pictures to come soon when i'm not being so lazy and it's not almost time to go home!!! but check out their websites (linked above) and myspaces (annie) (pete).. you can hear them in all their glory. you won't be sorry. ask pete(holiday).. i have good taste in music :)

*mmmm... the caterer just rolled his cart by with delish smelling stuff inside.. i hate this time of night! but yet i love it too.

Most likely if you were foolish enough to give me your email address, you've already received this... but my sister co-produced a movie IN THE REALMS OF THE UNREAL that comes out today! You should go see it :)

It's a documentary about this man named Henry Darger who is now a famous Outsider Artist. But he wasn't always that way. He was one of those people hardly anyone notices, born in an asylum, worked as a janitor and lived his life as a recluse. But when he died his landlord found over 300 paintings and a 15,000 page novel. His novel and drawings are brought to life on film through animation, the works reverberate with universal themes: the search for meaning, control, connection, moral direction. By juxtaposing Henry Darger's parallel but opposite universes, the film shows how he forged magic out of the bleakest of lives, leaving a legacy that has inspired other artists around the world.

It's a little sad, but really good. The director is an academy award winner and it's narrated by Dakota Fanning :) It's played at Sundance, Vancouver, Seattle and London Film Festivals and won Best Documentary in Vancouver. You should go check it out.. and to make it easier for you I cut and pasted some places that it's playing.. hopefully near you. :) But always always, check listings near you :)

Check out the website! www.realmsoftheunreal.com - there's trailers and clips and a lot more info :)

go see it see it see it!!

ps... if you live in LA
Hear more about the film from Q&As with the filmmakers in Los Angeles! Animation producer Kara Vallow will be talking about the film at a Q&A after the 7:30PM screening on January 21st at the Sunset 5 in Los Angeles, as well as after the 7PM screening on January 22nd at the Westside Pavilion along with animator Meher Gourjian.

pps. here are some reviews :)
ny times

sf chronicle

filmcritic.com

ny post


THEATERS and OPENING DATES

ARIZONA
Tucson- The Loft Cinema (opens Feb 22)

CALIFORNIA - NORTHERN
Arcata - Minor Theatre (opens March 4)
Berkeley - Act 1 & 2 (now playing)
Monterey - Osio Cinema (now playing)
Mountain View- Century Cinema 16
Sacramento - Crest Theatre (opens Feb 18)
San Francisco - Opera Plaza #3 (now playing)
Santa Cruz - Nickelodeon Theaters (opens Feb 18)

CALIFORNIA - SOUTHERN
Irvine- Edwards University 6 (opens Jan 21)
Los Angeles- Westside Pavilion Landmark Cinemas (opens Jan 21)
Pasadena- Laemmle One Colorado Theatre (opens Jan 21)
Santa Barbara - Plaza De Oro (opens Jan 28)
Santa Barbara- UCSB Arts & Lectures (opens Feb 22)
West Hollywood- Sunset 5 (opens Jan 21)

CONNECTICUT
New Haven- > York Square Cinema 1-2-3 (opens Jan 21)
Hartford- Real Art Ways (opens Feb 11)

DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA
Washington DC- Landmark E Street Cinemas (opens Feb 4)

FLORIDA
Boca Raton - > Crest Theatre (opens Feb 11)
Miami Beach - South Beach 18 (opens Feb 11)

GEORGIA
Atlanta - Midtown Art (opens March 4)

HAWAII
Honolulu- Doris Duke Theater (Feb 25-27)

ILLINOIS
Chicago- Music Box Theatre (opens Jan 21)
Evanston- Century Cinearts 6 (opens Jan 21)

MARYLAND
Baltimore - > Charles Theatre (opens Feb 4)
Bethesda- > Bethesda Row Landmark (opens Feb 4)

MASSACHUSETS
Amesbury- Stage 2 Cinema Pub (now playing)
Boston- Museum of Fine Arts (now playing)
Boston- Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum (Mar 19 only)
Boston- The Institute of Contemporary Art (Mar 20 only)
Dennis- Cape Cinema Theater (opens Jan 21)
Great Barrington - Triplex (opens Feb 4)

MICHIGAN
Detroit - Detroit Inst. of Arts (opens Feb 21)
Grand Rapids- Urban Institute for Contemporary Arts (opens Mar 4)

MISSOURI
Kansas City - Tivoli Manor Square (opens March 4)
St. Louis - Tivoli Theater (opens March 18)

NEW JERSEY
Montclair- Clairidge Cinemas (opens Jan 21)

NEW MEXICO
Santa Fe - The Screen (opens March 3)

NEW YORK
Huntington- Cinema Arts Center (opens Jan 21)
Ithaca- Cornell University Cinema (opens Feb 2)
Manhasset- Manhasset Theater Manhasset Theater (opens Jan 21)
New York City- Film Forum (now playing)
White Plains- Cinema 100 Twin (opens Jan 21)

TENNESSE
Nashville - Belcourt Theater (opens March 4)

TEXAS
Austin - Dobie Theater (opens Feb 11)
Dallas - Inwood 3 Theatres (opens Feb 11)
Houston- Museum of Fine Arts Houston (opens April 15)
San Antonio - Bijou at the Crossroads (opens Feb 11)

VIRGINIA
Fairfax- Cinema Arts Theatre (opens Feb 4)

WASHINGTON
Seattle- Varsity Theater (opens Jan 21)

WISCONSIN
Milwaukee - Oriental 3 Theatre (opens March 11)

my face hurts. i started out with just my head... like i put my sunglasses on this morning during my drive because now the rain has gone away and it's 80 degrees in january again. like it should be. jk. anyways.. either my skull has gotten bigger or something but it just didn't fit, and i guess they were squeezing against my temples too hard or something, but i got this massive headache. why don't you take off the sunglasses right? is that what you're saying? well i did... but my head still hurt. maybe my head hurt before, but that was just a catalyst to make it worse. when i got to work it just amplified, to my face and my jaw and i just feel like a basketcase. maybe i'm not getting enough sleep.. i need to start going to bed at like 10 or at least 11.

last night i spent some more time tidying, mostly so i could fit my new computer in my room. the initial over exuberance and rush has died and now i'm just trying to get "used to" having a mac. i've used macs plenty, at school, at my sister's at work - but it's a lot different owning one and trying to do different things on it. maybe i'm still a pc user at heart, but i was like "where is everything"? last night. once i get my additional harddrive, and more of the software that i want then i'll be better. plus once i can figure out how to connect it to the internet it will be good, but i just got a little too tired to fuss with it last night. it's still very pretty, very heavy and large and different. it's definitely a change.

last night my mom was also being super frustrating. one of the things that i hate most is that she dwells on the negative. i don't know if i comes from a place of "tough love" or thinking that pointing out what is wrong makes you improve faster - rather than "sugar coating" or "sweet talk"... but there are times when it's just too much. monday night i made cookies and pulled all the pots out of the oven where we store them. i left them out because i thought i was going to bake something else, but ended up not doing it. so my mom complained that i had left the pots out. so last night i got around to putting the pots back, and there was some extra stuff my mom put in there earlier that day, so they didn't quite fit the same way, but i rearranged a little and put everything back. my mom... i don't know why she looked at the over, maybe she needed a pot, maybe she was just checking up on me - but she starts berating me about how i didn't do it right, and how the big pots are in the wrong place, they're supposed to be on the bottom, blah blah blah. i tell her that they don't fit, and she argues that a casserole dish doesn't belong in the oven, and i tell her that's where it was before.. but this is all nonsense to her. she tells me that they're supposed to go at the bottom, and again i tell her they don't fit. and just like one of those "have to be right" all the time mothers on tv, she goes "oh yeah!?" (or maybe she just doesn't believe that i tried) she proceeds to put the pots on the bottom, shoving them in and bending the baking racks in the process. i should have just left them there, left her with damaged baking racks and stuck pots, so that the next time she wanted to get one it would be hard for her.. but she is stubborn and wouldn't learn anything.. and maybe it's my anal retentiveness or retarded guilt for being a "bad daughter" but i go to fix the pots, rearranging the baking racks and taking out the casserole dish. after i do that my mom says, " see why couldn't you just make them fit before." ARRGGGHHHH.. why didn't she do it? she just always wants things a certain way, but instead of doing it herself, or telling someone how she wants it (in a nice non yelling screaming hassling way) she'll either mess it up, so someone else has no choice but to fix it, get really angry and start tossing things around, or just starts yelling more, until you do it. it just creates three times more work for everyone else because nobody's way - except for hers is acceptable, even if the job is already done.

it was just really frustrating. i had to take a lot of deep breaths to get myself out of there. blah. i know my mom can be unreasonable sometimes... but do i provoke her further? are there things that i can do that aren't too tough that i can do to appease her? is there a way that i could be a better a daughter? i used to always think that i was just good already, and my mom was crazy. i don't think i'm the worst, but i'm certainly not the best. whatever... i dunno right now.. i can't think.

my head still really hurts. ugh.

i just called home and my computer has come already... YAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!

I'M SO STOKED.

so everyone's "invited" to the president of our company's birthday party - except me. well i was invited.. but i can't go because i'm chained to the desk. fun. it's okay i didn't need cake and soda and good times anyways :P i'll just listen to the laughter from here. jk. last week they were having a "wrap party" sort of.. kind of like playing loud music and drinking and afterwards they brought pizza and more drinks. i couldn't go to the social event during work hours.. but afterwards they were like "have some pizza!" but i couldn't because i had to go home to have dinner with my parents because it was their 30th wedding anniversary!! crazy huh?! :) and cute. i hear clapping, singing happy birthday and cheering.. i swear i'm not missing out on anything :P

so i didn't know it was my parent's wedding anniversary, let alone their 30th and my co-worker dubbed me "the worst daughter of the year." gee that's great thanks. but yea, so i had made plans to go out with some friends, and my mom that morning says "you're not coming home for dinner tonight?" and i'm like "no... why?" and my mom doesn't say anything. this should be clue #1, but i just think that my mom is trying to tighten my noose a little more so i trot off to work. later i call my sister to see if i can spend some time with her before i go out in santa monica, because i didn't want to drive home from venice and then back up to santa monica. my sister says "i'm going to go hang out with my parents on their 30th wedding anniversary".. me: "ohhh.. shit" are you kidding me?! plus. i didn't have my cell phone either - so i'm glad i called my sister to see if i could slum it at her house - or else i would have been toast. i re-arranged my plans and went home for dinner. i was scared that my mom would be angry, but i think she was glad that i had changed my plans and "chose" her over my friends or something like that.. or maybe i was just under the sheild of my sister.. but it was a nice night. we ate at home and the sat around and chatted for bit. it wasn't a big deal, but yet still very nice in the quality time kind of way :) it gave me warm fuzzies. after that i picked up carol, dropped off my sister, and was on our way to gotham hall. we like that place because the drinks are strong.. it puts even the stronger drinkers (we know at least) out.. well that is if they want to be of course :P nicole and luc were pretty "happy" by the time i got there... i'm not quite sure how much ryan, beth, paul or andy had.. but they seemed composed.. but carol and i decided to catch up and take 5 shots in 40 minutes... because we weren't "feeling it".. but oh did we feel it later. hah. i really didn't want to leave, but they closed, and then we went on a wild goose chase and finally ended up at norms for some sobering up food. i didn't realize by the time we were done it was like 4am. so much for being home early. but i didn't have work the next day and it was a 3 day week.. so why not huh? it put me out for the rest of the weekend though - i can tell you that. but i had a good time.. thanks nicole for your "need" to get out. :) you recognize my need before i even know i need it.

saturday i slept in, woke up, ate lunch, and took another nap. great huh? i was going to have a productive evening, but ended up just grabbing dinner and renting a movie instead. sunday was a "cleaning" day.. although it's more like reorganizing and shifting piles.. because my room isn't really clean.. but it's a "deep" clean.. from the inside out right? now my inside is all over my floor though. monday was supposed to be a clean day too.. but it was more a sit around and watch tv kind of day. i went to lunch with my parents, napped in the car, lazed at home, then went to costco and then it was night already! yikes... more tv and then some chores and then it was time for bed. the time just flies by.

yay.. they brought me birthday cake... and it's almost time to go home. there are only so many things on ebay i can bid on, so many times i can check my email and so many blogs to read. so update people, several times.. and give me some entertainment :) oh ps.. has anyone done traffic school online lately? do you have to do it in a certain amount of time? all in one sitting? i'm trying to figure out if it's something i can do while at work :) see.. i'm trying to be productive :)

guy at my work: "oh you have milk too"
me: "i'm a thinker"
guy: "that's quite the upgrade"
me: "and it's in a beer cup too"
guy: "now that's classy"

it's weird that i find solace in my blog, and that often i find comfort in typing things out into empty space. i guess not that weird, because people always love venting... and maybe it's the feedback or support or sympathy that people like when you vent. and yet i find comfort in something that gives me nothing back...but i'm just talking to myself.. but still it's like i'm talking to someone. and that i'm also not the only one who finds comfort this way... but one of many.

whenever i get really upset, i find this tendency to be drawn online. not to chat it up with anyone on aim, in fact i'd rather avoid them altogether. but i do have a weird curiousity to see who's online or what people are doing, via away messages. i guess i am just a big geek. i check my email or my blog to see if i've received any love, but mostly i am often let down. although the spam companies seem to like me a lot.

it's hard to constantly feel like you owe everything to everyone. or that you'll never be enough. and i'm not the type to keep score or keep count but i do remember. i know that someone owes me something, but i don't make a big deal out it because i figure, hey.. you'll get me next time. but to some people it doesn't work that way. they easily forget the things you've done for them, and focus on what you haven't done and what you owe them. they berate you for not communicating with them and for not coming to you, when they do the exact same thing. maybe they think that they don't owe you anything, or what you've done for them is insignificant, or maybe that's what you're supposed to be doing anyways. well it's all crap. and i'm not perfect, i'm sure i take people a lot for granted all the time. i try not to, it's not intentional, but i guess it's just human nature. there are some things though... that seem too petty to be counting, but guess what - people still do.

people suck though, or maybe i do. i have friends, i have people i love, and hopefully i have people who love me. but there are those people who can make you feel like absolute shit sometimes. there are people who could give a crap less who are you. people who are your "friends" but not your friends. people who are your friends when it's convenient for them. people who hang out with you when there isn't a better option around. people who love you but still make it all about them. people who ask too much, and get angry when you can't possibly deliver.

you know what i hate... i hate when someone does something nice for you, and then throws it back in your face. if you do someone a favor, or something nobody asked you to do in the first place, but you insisted... don't come back and say "well i did 'this and this' for you.. and you never did anything for me/paid me back" guess what... i don't owe you shit. i've done favors for you before, changed my life to be there for you, gone out of my way to make you happy and i'm not complaining. i'm happy to do those things for you, because i know that it'll be good for you... i don't keep track of the times i've made you smile so you should return that favor. i guess i just assume that if people do something for you that it comes from the goodness of their heart, but no... people always expect something in return. people don't like it when you use their stuff, but don't mind if they use yours. i guess what i learned in high school econ is true - TNSTAAFL. and nobody ever lets you forget it.

what a stupid ho.

not only does ashlee simpson have to suck, but she's got to blame it on everyone else. what a biatch. if she thinks that crowd booed because she was rooting for usc, then she's dumber than her sister.

so i got this survey from pete... is it the friday 5 or just some random thing.. i don't really know. but it looked interesting.. and i had nothing better to do and pete "passed the stick" to me knowing that i needed something to occupy my precious time. how nice of him eh? this was actually harder than i thought since i don't listen to music as much as i used to.. mostly in my car or at the gym.. so.. here goes.

1. What is the total amount of music files on your computer?
well i'm not on "my" computer now. at home maybe one or two hundred. i don't load all of my cd's onto my computer... but i do have quite a few songs.. maybe i'll correct this number once i get home. plus i wiped my computer clean of all the songs when i thought the riaa was after me :P

2. The cd you last bought is:
keane - hopes and fears. wow that was a long time ago.

3. What is the song you last listened to before reading this message?
dammit - blink 182

4. Write down 5 songs you often listen to or that mean a lot to you:
be be your love - rachael yamagata
toxic - britney spears (it's my ringtone :P)
sleeping to dream - jason mraz - java joe's jan 04 with pete version :)
i'm not okay - my chemical romance
true - ryan cabrera

*these songs change fairly often... i don't have any songs that "mean" anything to me.. not yet anyhow. maybe remind me of certain things. and i like to go through phases of being really obsessed with a certain song for awhile, and then not. it's a constant cycle. i have a lot of songs i like, and a lot of songs i listen to fairly often. these are the current ones i suppose. and are often limited to the songs on my itunes since i haven't really been updating it lately.

5. Who are you going to pass this stick to? (3 persons) and why?
philly - i'm sure she will have great answers
nicole - i'm not sure she'll do it, but she's one person for sure who i know reads my blog :)
beth - she may not catch this post, and she might not do a "dumb survey" either but she will have good answers as well.

so i am scared and excited all at the same time. i just finalized the order and gave up my credit card number for my new computer. ack!! it's my first big purchase by myself. a small investment i suppose... am i really growing up? or is this just my shopping habits taking over. i can "justify" it and say that it's an investment for a future career path... so i hope it works out well :) i am excited to be the new owner of a brand new computer that wasn't refurbished or used or a hand me down and it'll be all mine. i am paying for it all at once (well after i pay my credit card bill) which is going to severely drain my savings account... so i better start bringing my lunches (when i'm not getting them free of course :P) and not go out as much. i should start picking up extra shifts and call my managers at the gap again. do i want to work 7 days a week? maybe i have to, to cover this deficit. although that's what "savings" are for... i just will have to recouperate. i will spend my time healing it front of the glow of my new 20 inch monitor :P i think i'm gonna name it. hehe.

the downside is that i will probably use the itunes on that system.. instead of my dad's computer (which is dying because he tries to pretend he knows how to fix computers but can't) and since apple has made it that you can only sync up your ipod with one computer (to prevent music pirating) i will have to re-do all of my stuff on my ipod. oh well.. sounds like a good new hobby :P

but in other exciting news i got my first paycheck today! of course not my "first" ... but my "first" from my first "real" job! whoooooo!! it's a little exciting :) okay.. it's a lot exciting. i get excited easily over little things :) it's also more than i expected and more than my last job.. which is always pleasant on both counts. we get paid bi-weekly though so my next paycheck won't be for another 2 weeks, but will be double the amount this week. my question is, does that mean they will take more taxes out because it's a higher total amount and thus resulting percentage is more? or do the realize that it's over two weeks and they just take out your earnings of each week and then add them together? is my next paycheck going to be double this amount? or a little less. can some of my smart successful more knowledgeable friends help me out here? be good for something besides making me feel bad :P

anyways.. a little while ago i was b-o-r-e-d. my boss walked by and i put on my best "i'm not bored" face.. but he just came to chit chat and ask me how i was. he asked me if it was as slow as he warned me, and i smiled and said yes. but he's really nice and cool about it so it makes it okay, if not better. he told me that he thought i was doing really well, and that he was glad that i was here. so that was nice. positive reinforcement is always great... my mom should learn that :P but i do know that there is a better pay off in the end.. and i am learning things.. like last night i went to a script reading and gave feedback.. and that was kind of exciting. although i did feel very intimidated surround by "industry" folk who probably actually "really" knew what they were talking about, opposed to my *nsync loving, gap wearing, mainstream pop culture views :P but I AM the target audience. jk. but it was neat. i just didn't want to be the overly talkative "new girl" who answers the phones but thinks she knows everything. i am belittling myself a little too much here... but you all know what i mean. i learned what a "bake off" is, i learned about different producers and production companies, and i'm learning how to effectively screen calls :P hopefully.

yay.. six more minutes and then i get to go home and face the wrath of my mother :P she is being a real pain in the ass lately. hopefully i can go home and keep my temper in check and be the great responsible loving daughter and clean and wash dishes and all that other junk. be sweet, make her happy, and she won't be so grouchy won't treat me too horribly on saturday, when i don't come home tomorrow night because i'm whoring it up.. i mean, "out" with nicole :P i will probably under house arrest all weekend "cleaning" and being bitched out.. so feel free to call and try to save me and my sanity. i know my mom has the best intentions... but sometimes she's so demanding and overbearing and a little ridiculous. argh.. okay. *happy thoughts... breathe, smile.

have a good day kiddos! and although it's not raining it's furrreezing cold.. i don't know what's better. it wasn't this cold when it was raining though.. that's for sure.

so i was surfing the apple website.. and lo and behold i found this!

this thing looks pretty hot. it's an ipod shuffle. and kind of ike the ipod, but smaller and more affordable. and it "shuffles" so that it always plays your songs in a different random order (and you don't know the song because there is no screen).. so you don't get the handy option of playing whatever song you feel like.. i think you can still probably sort them by like playlists and what not.. but it's so tiny!! apparently it's smaller than a pack of gum and lighter than car keys. i think that's awesome. it doesn't quite have as many cool features, but if you just want something that plays music... this is you.

hah... and no i'm not being paid by apple to post this.. i'm just a huge dork like that.

but yea.. so i was surfing the apple site because i think i'm going to actually commit to getting the iMac. i emailed what specs i wanted to my "dealer" and consultants :P and hopefully i'll get it soon. i need to clean up my pig sty of a room and house so that i can make room for my new baby. i was inspired by beth's new baby, her power mac.. and she has more power and a dual processor.. but i'm hoping that my learning process needs will all be handled by the iMac. i'm not quite as high end as beth yet :P i'll get there.. and i hope by that time there will be some bigger badder computer out there to waste my money on. and that 30 inch cinema display :P apple also came out with this mac mini, which is like the size of a thick discman almost but it's a whole computer! for pretty cheap too. i still think the iMac is sexier... so that is the road i'm traveling. who wants me to do videos for them?! i need practice... i may still only be learning.. but i'm awesome.. i swear :P i'm excited now.

so have i posted before about how i love going over to the commercials building when i cover the other girl for her lunch? i never realized how posh it is over there. their bathroom is all nice and furniturized. but the most exciting thing is that often i get free lunch. they get lunch brought in or catered a lot, and so i get to reap the benefits, which is nice :) (i'm such a food whore) ... so last week i got two free meals, and then i got free lunch today. i could have had free lunch yesterday but i wasn't feeling the portabello panini. anyhoo.. today i was all stoked because there was this huge chocolate cake.. and i said i'd get a when it was my lunch time. there was a lot left, so i had no worries. i went on my break and grabbed a plate for the cake and this guy grabbed these tongs and took the very last piece.. right in front of me!! it was a big piece too.. i totally thought he was going to cut it in half or something. i didn't say anything and i tried to be sly like "oh i was just going for more spaghetti".. either way he didn't notice (or care) because he walked off with MY cake. grr.. i was so looking forward to that too. boo. the janitor said i should have fought the guy for the cake... maybe something like joey tribbiani style. hahah.. that would have been funny... but i'm too passive for that. doh!

"i have a fire in my pants, can you come put it out?"

that is my new favorite line from jen schefft of the new bachelorette show. how i love that show now.. and i how i love jen schefft. can i be her? just for a day? hhaha.. well.. i would have preferred during the andrew firestone days.. but seriously.. how cute were they and how cute is she? i really like some of the guys though.. my early favorites are ben and mike.. and jerry because he's cute.. but he's so that guy. :P it was also really sad that this one guy fainted during the rose ceremony. he's a fairly decent looking guy... a little quirky looking around the eyes.. maybe they're really deep set or something. but i bet he's used to getting a lot of ladies. but the camera man (and editor) kept showing close ups of his face and making him seem really nervous. and then he fainted.. probably because he locked his knees.. or just stopped breathing or something.. but man.. you felt so bad for him. and you would think maybe jen would feel bad for him and pick him instead of the horny french guy fabrice or the scary stalker fan stu. but she didn't... it's okay.. i doubt she would have ended up with him. there were a lot of guys from LA and san diego.. like close to me too.. manhattan beach.. etc etc. and i'm all "where are these 'wonderful' guys around here?" but then again i don't look like jen schefft. there's also this surfer guy keith.. who her friends (decoyed as spies) picked as their "first impression rose" and he's totally the surfer guy from encinitas. and he totally looks it to.. i can't really explain.. but his face is just... so.. san diego :P. anyways..i totally gushed when they showed the preview of this season.. i'm such a nerd!

but you know.. girls are all the same.. or maybe it's just the mindset we're all in right now. but everywhere i go.. at work, at the mall, at the gym... people are ALL talking about weightloss.. it is the new fad. or is it here to stay? i mean.. losing weight has always "been in" but now it's just crazy obsessive. at work these girls are always talking about it.. and at the gym these girls were talking about their "points" .. "oh did you use your flex points? did you know you get points for working out? oh you shouldn't have told me that so i would think that i didn't have that many points! i had a zone bar and it was SIX POINTS.. can you believe that?" i think it's funny that we are totally consumed with it.. which is good because i also noticed that kids are a lot heavier today than they used to be.. and hopefully that's not the trend of the future. and really.. i can't complain because i'm totally like that sometimes. but where as i just thought it was me, but it's not, it's everyone! and how everyone is so forward about it. it's almost like josie and the pussycats brainwashing how everyone is points this, personal trainer that, low carb everything.. blah blah blah... losing weight is the new pink.

*although i overheard this lady (talking about how she lost weight in australia because she walked everywhere despite eating italian food everyday).. saying that she tried low carb pasta... and how it tasted like cardboard... i can only imagine :P

speaking of which.. the biggest loser finale is on tonight!! i want to see what the people look like... that guy chris lost a LOT of weight.. so i guess he "deserves" to be the biggest loser.. but are they going to do it on pure weightloss? i mean.. it's kind of unfair to do half of it by voting people off, and then the rest by weightloss. i say they do it survivor style and have the old people come back and vote for who "deserves" it the most. and next week is the reunion where you get to see all the people. would you go on that show? is a possible $250,000 and weight worth lots of public humiliation and your flab exposed to the world? but i guess if you actually make it to the end and you lose all the weight, then you're not really embarassed anymore and you can laugh about it. plus you get all those free clothes :P

goooood morning! so i survived my first week of work and now i'm back. it'll be the first week by myself so.. i think i'm ready.. here goes. i did make one mistake this morning.. i forgot to turn on the lamp by my desk. oops. it really serves no purpose in lighting ... but does make things look nicer. that's one thing i kept forgetting all last week, so i gotta remember that! other than that.. it's not too bad.

i need to get used to working a lot though.. most of last week if i didn't have anything to do, i'd just come home, eat dinner and then pss out by like 8pm or 8:30pm. now all of my friends are calling me grandma. tuesday i went ice skating with jill (ice skating is A LOT harder than i remember) and afterwards we went out to eat a tgifriday's.. kind of a like pre birthday celebration. it was a lot of fun, chit chatting, and we had a funny funny waiter.. plus it was 1/2 off appetizers.. so that was good :) but i stayed up untl midnight.. so i don't have to sleep so early.. but if there's nothing better to do.. i just take a nap.. that turns into me sleeping until the next morning. friday we went out for jill's official birthday celebration (although her bday was on wednesday) and we went to joe's crab shack. it was really yummy, and even though i had to work the hardest to eat my food (crab).. it was well worth it. :) they made jill dress up it all sorts of funny things and "swim" around the restaurant.. although by the time they made her do it there wasn't anyone left.. so it seemed kind of blah :P it was still fun, we couldn't quite decide what to do afterwards, so we went back to jill's, played with her uber cute dog, chibi, and i passed out on her couch and called it a night :P

saturday was fun, our family trekked over to my sister's house where she said she'd cook us breakfast, but i ended up doing most of the cooking :P i even burned myself :( but afterwards we just vegged and i watched the amazing race and celebrity poker showdown (boo.. michael vartan lost) until it was time to go to work. work was good... i didn't mess up despite not having scorekept for like a month, so i was happy for that. :) went home and spent a lonely night by myself :( my parents went out and my friends were working or out of town or not answering their phones or something.. and i really wanted someone to go to coldstone's with but didn't have the "right" person to call. boo.. oh well.. i hung out with my friend tivo and it was a good time :P no one really wants to go out in the rain anyways.

sunday i didn't have to go to work since the rink was "too humid" the kids would slip and fall so instead of waking up and being productive i slept in until 2pm. oops. :P that'll mess up my sleeping schedule. my parents had already gone out again and so i just hung out by myself... again :P but this time i was smart and made dinner plans with keri (who i totally flaked on last time) so i owed her a tofu dinner date and her christmas present. which she totally enjoyed.. so yay! the tofu was okay... we're not going back to that restaurant.. we'll have to hit up the other ones.

it started really coming down now.. everyone's commenting on how hard it's raining, taking pictures of the waterfalls off the roof. it wasn't really raining over here this morning, but now it's ridiculously wet. and it's supposed to be like this until tomorrow. the traffic report this morning was all "this freeway is closed and this passage is closed and there's a depression in the road caused by the rain so only 1 lane is open." yikes. we californians are so easily amused and upset :P i'm not looking forward going over to the commercials building. sure it's only across the street.. but my pants will get all wet from the flooding and my head will get all wet with the rain. aiya. good thing i wore my bright yellow rubber rain jacket. it rocks :)

i can't believe it.

they were supposed to stay together forever, and have beautiful babies. but this validates everything tabloids say.. and almost makes them seem so smart. what's next... jennifer garner really is pregnant? jessica and nick are breaking up? it can't be. is hollywood this fickle.. or is it just a reflection on how society really is. do people get together and break up this easily? i'm going to be so sad if nick and jessica break up. i say it's ashlee's fault. :P

"not cool but definitely not hip"



I am nerdier than 32% of all people.

oh yea... happy birthday jill!!! and connie :)

this is funny and sad all at the same time.

there are six others, but i thought this was the funniest.

so i found this, and i thought it was pretty funny. i was looking for it, because i was trying to find an article or discussion forum about how ashlee simpson got booed at the orange bowl halftime show. hahaha.. i wish i could have seen it.. did they show that part on tv? i mean..on the radio they said she probably wasn't lip syncing since she sounded pretty awful. but you know.. i thought that on SNL... maybe she just always sounds awful. hah... that's funny that she got booed.. sad for her though i guess. i don't know, why is she so dislikeable? so who wants to get this for me? it's the ashlee simspon karaoke edition ipod.

check out the description.. i think that's the funniest part :)

whoo hoo!! 26 more minutes. the day passes by pretty quickly. maybe because i have more to do, or the job is still new so i'm stil excited about it. the upside to getting off later is that i'm not stuck in gazillions of traffic with all the people who get off at 5.

so the other day i had lunch with my high school buddies at grand lux cafe. apparently it is a sister restaurant of cheesecake factory. i am in the dark because i had never been there, let alone heard of it, but everyone else knew about it and really liked it. it's pretty nifty, and huge... i can't believe i've never noticed it the few times i've been at the beverly center before (twice?) but it's pretty cool.. i am glad that ann picked me up and drove, becaue i probably would have gotten so lost! the food was pretty yummy, although i didn't get "the best pasta ever" as suggested to me (some twirly pasta with garlic sauce i think? that's definitely my choice next time i go though!) it was a lot of fun to see old friends, talk about this and that, and i even got a christmas present! :) now i'm really intrigued by this grand lux place. i want to go all the time.. heheh and i hear their desserts are super fab. who wants to go again?!

hmm.. what else. i'm think i'm going ice skating tonight! i'm not sure if it's free or if i get a discount (because i work there)... hopefully.. but if not i don't think it's that expensive. i want to go before i have to work on tuesday nights again because they only have public skating tues & saturdays. i'm kind of excited.. i hope i don't suck.. or fall. i haven't been ice skating in a long long time.. i think not since that one key club dcm at the pvmall. i mean. i've been on ice playing broomball and junk for cki or whatever.. but skating is different. i'll just have to not go so fast.

apparently this area where my work is isn't the best, well more like between a not so nice, and nicer aread.. but i came across this homeless lady as i was walking home from lunch. i wouldn't say i have a "fear" of homeless people.. but i don't know.. there is just something that i feel bad for not giving them money or i don't really know.. but today she asked if i had spare change, and i said no.. because that's what your "supposed" to do right? i mean.. everyone knows it's a lie (except for the times i have no cash.. which is often).. and i feel a little mean.. like "why don't you help someone out" but at the same time i also feel like i work hard for the money, i can't just give it out. but then i feel selfish. then she asked if i had leftovers, which of course i had the box in my hand. i couldn't just lie and say "no" but i am always okay with giving homeless people food, because that's beneficial and you know it's not going to drugs or alcohol. that is the golden rule as far as i've been told. so i don't know why i'm typing this... maybe just because i'm bored and wanted a story to tell. it's not like it made me feel super warm and fuzzy or anything, in fact i felt a little bad just because a)it was leftovers and b) i was almost glad giving it away because it wasn't the best.. (i had already eaten most of the parts i enjoyed.. leaving mostly veggies :P) so i dunno. last time we went to olive garden we had leftover pasta from the neverending pasta and jeff gave it to a guy standing outside. i dunno... this story has no point really.. just rambling. nine more minutes!! :)

hello from work, day two. so apparently in between phone calls, packages, more phone calls and other random requests i will have tons of free time on my hands. which.. can be a good thing.. once i feel more comfortable - maybe i can start to lurk and see if there's anything else i can do. one thing i'm not terribly kean on today is that the girl who is training me is not here... so today is kind of a sink of swim kind of day. there's some other people who could possibly sit with me and hold my hand, but this isn't their position, so they have other things that need to be done - so it's just me. i get to go over to another department and cover another girl for lunch and i'll have about 1 hour worth of training for that..so.. um yay? it's a little overwhelming.. and sure i only get better by doing it.. so i'm a little unsure - but i am learning, and hopefully it'll all be gravy soon :P

new year's was okay :P i got into yet another fight with my mom. i think they are timed around holidays... when i'm feeling good and relaxed... boom.. angry yelling matches. i spent the day locked in my room cleaning and being a sulking teenager, how nice :P but.. i did watch a lot of sex and the city.. in fact, i spent around 4 days or so cleaning and watching (mostly watching) and watched seasons 1, 2 and half of 3 :P philly would be proud. it's so addicting... but i keep rotating what box sets i'm watching - which is sometimes spurred by which one i've bought most recently and not watched. so i got season 6 part 2 and since i haven't watched any of it.. i thought i'd pop them in. the only sucky part is that they don't play all at once - so each time the episode ends i have to go back to the menu and push play again, and since i lost my remote i always have to stop what i'm doing to go to the player. i guess this is the one time where i'm glad my room's not that big :P

celebrated new year's eve with dinner at todai with the family... i was on the phone locked in my room, and they left without me... but i went and joined them later.. which was good, because my mom lightened up a little and i guess since i "took the first step" then she didn't have to grimace through the whole dinner or be mad at me for a few days. afterwards i met up with vivian, josh and HT at henessey's. i had to pay a cover since i got there later (boo) but it was okay.. i don't think i paid for any of my drinks :) the only sucky part was i totally missed the new year. i was standing up, champagne in hand, and people were screaming.. but i didn't hear any counting! and then people started screaming louder and drinking and we were all like huh? and looked at our cell phones and it was already midnight. oops. after that we walked for a long long time because we didn't really feel like fighting the tons of people trying to get the 2 cabs that were driving by. that's the sucky part about the non-mass transportationess of LA. especially where i had just come back from taiwan where it is so easy to catch a cab, hop on the bus or MRT or something. we walked for a long long time, and finally caught a cab (after it was dropping people off.. because it was the HARDEST thing to try and stop cabs, cabs without people in them wouldn't stop. cabs with people in them had their lights on still.. and one cab we finally got to stop wouldn't take us.. i don't really know why, but someone else hopped in the car and he took off even though vivian said she'd pay twice his fare. how shady is that?! it's almost like the amazing race or something.

new year's day was a little uneventful, cleaning... i didn't even watch the rose parade! i watched a little bit of it, but got kind of bored.. so i just watched sex and the city :P did some returning to a pretty uncrowded mall and chillaxed at home. sunday i was cleaning some more and then went to a referee's hockey game at my work.. it was kind of funny, kind of boring. i went just because i thought i "should" go.. and suck up or be social or whatever.. i didn't really know who a lot of the people were on the ice.. especially if they were wearing cages. at the "after party" decorated by some of the ref's wives (it was so cute!) i had some yummy home baked cookies and brownies and rice krispy treats. i left early so i could go hang out with beth & co. at 501... yay for smoky fobby korean karaoke places :P it was fun though and we sang rap, metal, songs from movies and 80's.

i am still on sort of a weird sleep schedule. i don't think it's jet lag.. but normally when i could sleep forever.. i will only be able to sleep 7-8 hours and won't be able to go back to sleep to save my life. which sucks. and then i get soooo tired so early. last night after i got home from work i ate dinner and then "rested my eyes" this morning i woke up at 4am and couldn't go to sleep, so i watched some tv, then went to the gym, took my time eating breakfast, showered, and then drove to work. i was a little early again today, but not 30 minutes which is good. plus there was more traffic so i had a better gauge of exactly how long it would take. the good thing about this whacked out sleep schedule is that i am on time or early to work.. when i was deathly afraid of not being able to wake up at all. plus i am more productive in the morning instead of dragging my half awake sorry butt around. the down side is that i am in bed by like 8pm. so when i start working hockey games again and have to be up until midnight.. that might be a problem :P but today i'm going ice skating with the girls so this can be a good test of my ability to stay up. hopefully when i have stuff to do it's easier to be up.

it's still raining like crazy! we just had a spurt of really hard rain for like 10 minutes.. it was crazy. the rain is also deterring me from doing my laundry, because i don't want to go outside - even though it's covered it gets kind of wet.. yuck. plus it's freezing cold, and that's never any fun... unless your inside, with hot chocolate, a blanket and pajamas. there was a huge accident on the freeway yesterday.. and it was weird because as i was passing it (on the other side) i got really sad and almost started to cry. yikes.. so.. stay safe when you're driving in the rain okay?! be careful babies.. love you!

so right now i'm thinking... if i had stayed at my temp job.. i would be off of work right now :P but it's a trade off. sucky job - less hours, better job - more hours. so i guess i can't complain. in fact, i really have no complaints. i was all freaked out about so many things, and i still am a little, but hopefully i will get the hang of things. at least i don't have to take any tests like nicole! haha.. my boss' watchful eye and semi-constant checking ups are a little intimidating though :P

soo.. my new job. i left early today, but i didn't have a difficult time waking up or anything - which is surprising. so i got to take my sweet time getting ready, and also driving here - which there wasn't a lot of traffic, even with the rain. for a certain stretch of the freeway it seemed almost completely empty! i arrived like 30 minutes early.. but it was the weirdest thing like i started to feel really sick. i don't think it was my nervousness or maybe i was hungry, but i started to feel like i was hungover or something... i was going to puke. i parked my car under a tree around the corner of my building, ate an orange i brought as a snack and thankfully it subsided... but i definitely did not feel good.

today is good, i got my badge, processed paperwork, and starting learning the ropes. it's hard because this job isn't about just teaching you wht you need to know.. but it's easier to learn as you go, but i don't know how long the girl is able to sit next to me while i do stuff. like there's so many different things that could happen, but you can't really go through them all.. so i just have to hope that a lot of things happen enough so i learn!

okay.. well this post has taken longer than i expected.. and now it's time to go home.. will post more later!

here is a picture/card i got from jeff and joan for happy new year's greetings! isn't it purtty. this is taipei 101 (i think from through jeff's office window). i edited it a little to make it smaller and more blog friendly.. but i really like it.

happy new year!!

i'm kind of tired, and i don't really want to blog, but i feel like i should. when did blogging become a chore? hahah.. i also have a sink full of dishes that i "should" wash... but blogging is just a tad bit less annoying :P

i have had the weirdest sleeping schedule. i've been trying to kick the uber bad jet lag (sleep @ 8am, until 4pm) habit so i've been trying to wake up a little bit earlier, but then i get REALLY tired and then crash like at 8pm or so, and then wake up at 3am and not be able to get to sleep. which is the worst! plus.. it's weird to me because when have i only been able to sleep 7 hours? i have slept for 12 or 14 hours before, why is my body stopping at 7? so last night i naturally woke up at 3am, and couldn't - no matter how hard i tried - get back to bed until 7am-ish or so. i slept until 11am, and i've been okay and 11pm seems like an okay time to go to bed. i hope i don't wake up at 6am. i wanted to have a sex and the city marathon in my room hoping it will entice me to clean it, but i haven't gotten around to that yet either. chores chores chores... so much that i need to do before i start work (yikes!!) next week and really am too pooped to do anything.

so yea.. starting the new job. i'm a little scared and a little excited all at the same time. it's nice to finally have a "real job" but i'm apprehensive hoping that i don't suck and they fire me on the first day. of course that's never happened to me and i'm a "quick learner" or so my resume says.. so i should be able to handle it right? i'm still on my "probational" period to make sure i like the job and more importantly they like me... so... i'm hoping it goes well. and that i really like it... it's not just something i'm putting up with. because that's a good quality to have in a job right?

christmas eve and christmas was uneventful but still nice and fun. since it was just me and my dad no real big hoopla. i opened one gift on christmas eve (as it's something me and my sister always did) and then rest on christmas. i didn't get a lot of presents this year, but just from my good friends. my parents don't really do presents anymore, and jeff and my sister's is coming when i choose it.. if that makes sense to you.. if not, oh well. but it's a present, just not one i could open. but i gave my sister a bunch of sporadic christmas gifts, random cutesy stuff i'd buy because i thought of her, and then one big thing she really wanted, but couldn't buy for herself because it wasn't something she "needed".. but isn't that was christmas presents are for?! :) i think after i bought that for her, she says "you want to know what your christmas present is?" hahah... so i got it early, which isn't much of a surprise.. but i think that seeing a reaction or knowing how much they like it is a good trade off for opening present early when you're together.

before christmas i also went to beth and ryan's holiday party. it was fun, i had a good time chatting with nicole and craig in our "non-torrance" or should i say "non-north high" (because i'm torrance too!!) section of the room. the gift exchange was interesting i guess.. beth tried to "save me" but it was kind of a failed effort... but thanks for the thought. only your good friends will take a gift dive for you. :P i kept saying "i should get going" but never actually did until much much later... being distracted by conversation, poker, and then more conversation - i didn't get home until 5:30am or so.. but don't tell my dad that :P i just said "i dunno"

my aunt has been here.. but it's been kind of blah since she's been sick or sleeping a lot. not sure if it's jet lag, making up for the past months of sleep deprivation or both - but my mom's schedule is out of whack as well. so during the days i just want to go out, since i'm not really doing anything at home and sometimes everyone is sleeping... but then my mom makes me feel all guilty - like all i ever do is go out, or i dunno. why can't i clean the house? it's hard because so much of the mess isn't mine... so where would i start? what would i do? argh. plus i hate to feel like i'm just 'wasting my time' like.. i think that's why i have such time issue problems. i pack so many things in because i like to feel like i've used up every second of my time and i'm not wasting my time waiting around when i could have been doing something else. except it usually backfires and i end up being late. but the point of this story was that if i'm just at home watching tv or sitting around with my parents - i'd like to be out doing other things. but then comes the guilt trips... anyways.. this isn't making any sense i'm sure. so i'll stop.

earlier this week sakura, beth and i went to meet up with hailes for dinner at lucille's bbq. everyone except for sakura had never been there, so it was a good time and the food was really good - so we were happy. afterwards jimmy joined us and we watched meet the fockers. i guess i haven't watched a movie when it first came out in awhile because i didn't expect the theatre to be so crowded. i guess it is the more popular movie theatre in the area, and it's holiday break and it's only been out a week, but we walked in during previews and it took us forever to find seats and we had to split up. crazy. during the movie i heard the sound of water running and realized it was really hard rain - and everyone in the theater was murmuring a little. and then after the movie we found out that there was a tornado warning in torrance (which is so weird!) around the time we heard the hard rain, and it was pretty rainy and windy when we got out of the theatre. the tornado actually went through inglewood - which isn't that far from torrance, but it's crazy that we even have tornadoes out here. while driving home though we got pulled over and the cops were all like "i smell quite a bit of alcohol - is anyone drinking back there" which of course we replied "no".. because we weren't - but isn't that the standard answer anyways?! it was a little scary - and i thought the cops were going to give me a ticket for not wearing my seat belt (which i tried to put on in the stealth right before they pulled us over).. but afterwards we said they were just trying to fulfill their quotas and hoping to get lucky pulling over a car full of youngins with shady lookin' hailes in the front seat :P hah...

while at the origins store with sakura, i wasn't intending to buy anything but got suckered into some pricey pore cleanser mask. i hope it works. that's what i was doing at 3am this morning when i couldn't sleep :P it stung a little at first, but when i washed it off it didn't seem to work like the miracle the girl at the store said it was... but i guess that's her job, and it's not going to happen in one day eh? i just thought that was funny. who knew you could own so many products for your face and for your skin. i guess you do have to work so hard to keep it looking good. last night during my insomnia i used the mask, then washed my face, then some toner, then some lotion and then some clearasil. crazyness.. if i had had some biore strips i probably would have done that too. hah. have you ever seen though biore type masks for your whole face?! that must be uncomfortable. :P

my, it's raining so hard!! i hope our back patio constructed roof doesn't leak too much. i'm really not into cleaning up moldy wet messes.. not to mention have all of our stuff drenched.

anyways.. i should get going back to sleep, but i just wanted to post a quick cute conversation between me and my dad

radio chatter: "knx 1070 checking the traffic... it's cats and dogs all over..."
my dad: "cats and dogs? what does that mean, raining a little? here's a little cats, here's a little dogs?"
me: "no.. 'it's raining cats and dogs' it's an expression, it means it's raining a lot."
my dad: "what? that makes no sense, they should say 'it's raising horse and cattle' they're bigger."

where does that expression even come from?

haha. :)

merry christmas!!

hahah.. sucks for these kids. remember, don't be naughty. :)

so.. i lately i have been slightly obsessive with this song.. it's been on repeat, so i thought i'd post it. you should check this girl out.. she's good.. i like her.. and if you don't trust my musical tastes, pete has pretty good taste in music and he really likes her, and not just because she's hot :P it's one of his favorites - tristan prettyman.

Well I can
See you on the horizon like a
Storm that’s soon to be and is it
So bad to be in love with a memory
Of you, smiling back at me
And it was subtle but it was, yeah it was subtle
But it was sexy

And I suppose I could tell you how I feel
But even I don't know if its really real
Baby, baby...
One day I will show you so you can see
The secret behind the mystery

See, baby, it's like this
I think I kinda just want your kiss
Just for the thrill and just to maybe to miss
You, or when you go, and just so I know
That it can and it does get better than this,
cuz you know love is just a hit and miss
you run and you jump and you sink
It happens more than you would think…

And I suppose I could tell you how I feel
But see I'd rather play it cool than keep it real
Baby, baby...
One day I will show you so you can see
The secret behind the mystery...

And it's just one of those days
when you’d wish it rain already
and the sky’s no ordinary shade of gray

But you make it ok...

And maybe you should know
That I do have a crush on you
cuz see your trap you know I fell right through
with me its always something new

To see..

I suppose I could tell you how I feel
But the moment was magic, it was so surreal
and i swear one day I will let you know
that I do, oh I do, oh I love you so...

the kiss - tristan prettyman

two more things that i hate about taiwan that i forgot to post were squat toilets and bug bites. and another thing i love about taiwan is getting my hair washed. do they even do that at salons here? like just hair washing and massaging? oh well i am back.. :) in some weird way i totally miss it and want to go back forever. it's odd. my cousin and my mom were all like "you can change your return date and just go home later" which is weird because my cousin didn't hang out with me until the last day... so i was like "yea.. right. :P" but oh well.. i'll just have to go back again or something. we'll see. the last few days were kind of draining because i got in more fights with my parents.. so it was a little rough, but i think things are smoothed over by now. i hope when my mom comes back on sunday she is in a good mood.

sunday night i spent the night at my uncle's house with my mom and on the way home from the bus stop we passed by a bakery and i got my mom a birthday cake. so we went up to the apartment and my uncle had bought my mom a cake too! (haagen daas..mmm.) so we had to mini cakes and champagne that my uncle had also bought, it was really cute, and i think my mom was really happy. it was fun :) i spent the night watching i, robot and under the tuscan sun... and didn't go to sleep until really late, but it was okay. under the tuscan sun was cute but i definitely liked the italian guy marcello way better than whoever she ended up with. hah.. he is my new crush.

monday i spent the day hanging out with my mom. i went with her to go get her hair done and i got my hair shampooed and in the end a little cut and trim. but it was such an ordeal! my mom really likes this lady and she really wanted me to get my hair cut, but i really didn't want her to trim my hair.. i don't know why.. because i think that she just didn't know what i wanted, so i didn't want her to mess it up. i adamantly refused several times and my mom kept saying "i'll give you $1000 NT if you don't like it" or "i'll pay for you plane ticket" or "i'll buy you this or that" but i kept saying no telling her that if i was ugly that none of that stuff mattered.. and in the end she pushed me so much i just started crying (what a baby.. i know) and said "fine! if you want to cut it so bad, just cut it" and i was really pissed off.. i knew the lady wasn't going to totally destroy it.. and my mom had said that she wanted me to cut it because she could tell that my hair was "poorly cut" like the ends or whatever.. and i thought that that comment had some merit since my hair was cut by a hair cutting student so i figured she could just fix it and i'm sure it wouldn't be too horrible. and in the end it isn't so bad, she just styled it wrong, like i thought she would.. but i ran the flat iron over my hair and it's okay now. styling makes a big difference with this haircut i have noticed. i can no longer just go out with my hair wet anymore.. damn. too high maintenance for me.

that night we and a lot of our closer family went out for my mom's bday celebration. it was this pretty nice japanese restaurant that my sister and brother in law picked. they had taken my mom there before and she liked it and their vegetarian cuisine was not just salad or pasta like my mom usually has to put up with so it was good. it was a really fun night and everyone seemed to enjoy themselves and i think that made my mom happy and we had birthday cake again so that was fun. the night turned a little bad when i couldn't decide where to stay the night because my aunt & uncle wanted to spend time with me, and i thought my mom was making other plans, so i said i'd go over to my grandma's to spend the night, and my mom was like "fine if you want to break our plans, then do it" and i got really scared .. so i just went with her. but we went shopping back a shih lin night market .. and it was all good. we bought a lot more stuff and then i came home and watched my illegal movies that i bought (such a horrible person!) the quality is a little bad.. but not totally unwatchable.. although one movie was in french, so i gave that away, and another movie is pretty bad, but i didn't have time to go back an exchange it, so i'll take that as a loss.

tuesday i had lunch with my "aunt" pearl and her family with my mom and dad. they had really good beef noodle soup - the noodles were hand made and fresh and thick.. yum! and afterwards went shopping at yuan ling street market again since my mom hadn't been there yet. even though i already went there, i, of course, found stuff to buy. :P my sister joined us, which is always fun, and we did the family thing. this lady was rude to me, so i told my sister not to buy her sweater. she wanted like $790 NT for this sweater, and i was like i'd only pay $500, and she was like "you know you can't do that here, you can try to sass or bargain like that because we're already so cheap here, no one here likes it..." and i was like whatever, lady... it's a street market.. you ALWAYS bargain. and we bargained at other places so screw you. rude. and then it was the first day of winter, so in taiwan they eat "tong yuan" which is like these rice balls either filled with salty meat stuff or sweet sesame or peanut stuff. and i don't why exactly, but you eat them on the first official day of winter.. it's kind of cute. but my dad stood in line for like 45 minutes to buy fresh made ones from this one place. it was kind of crazy, but i think the wait was so long because the guy 2 people in front of him ordered 100 boxes. the ladies were mean too! although i felt kind of bad for them.. my dad first ordered 2 boxes of sweet, and 2 boxes of salty and then my mom was saying how she wanted to get some for her brother, and my sister chimed in that she liked the sweet ones.. and so my dad's like okay lemme have 3 sweet and 3 salty. and the lady was like "NO.. you only ordered 2 of each.. no more!" gawd... tong yuan nazi! and i was like "umm.. my dad waited for like 45 minutes and he can't even get 1 more box.. it's not like we're buying it for someone who doesn't want to wait in line, we're buying it for ourselves" and later on while we were just getting the boxes my mom asked the boss lady (not the nazi) and got the 2 we wanted.. so that was good. :) we went back to my grandma's and had tong yuan.. plus fresh salty ones that my grandma made herself!! they were waaay better than the store ones. mmm.. and then my mom, sister, grandma and i went back to the working house store and the hello kitty store to do some shopping. i wanted to hit up those two stores before i left so we got to do that :) afterwards was big family fight 1 of 2 so that night didn't bode so well... but i spent the whole night packing up all the goods and trying to conserve space so i could take stuff for my mom and went to bed at like 5:30am.

wednesday morning i met up with maurene's friend jen escorted by my cousin, gen-tai, since none of my relatives wanted me cruising the streets of taiwan by myself. we ate breakfast at "mc cafe" which is like a cafe owned by mc donalds, it's very starbucksish inside and they serve coffee and weird meals that aren't mcdonald'sish at all... which was surprising. i had tuna salad sandwiches where the bread was actually waffles. it was interesting... sweet and salty, but pretty good. we just sat and talked, which was fun and i made a new friend :) yay. afterwards i headed to my uncle's to pick up the stuff i left from when i stayed and went back to my grandma's for lunch (beef noodle soup and dumplings from the bestest place near my grandma's house!), my sister came over and we ate, chatted and she watched us pack, and fight 2 of 2 started as me and my dad were leaving. blech. but i'm glad that i got to hang out with my sister for a little bit.. i'm sad that we didn't get to hang out for that long and that we didn't go shopping as i had originally intended.. but we did exchange some more gifts and cards and had some quality hanging out time. i don't know, i really miss my sister and i always want to hang out with her.. maybe that's just the bratty little tag-along sister still inside me. my uncle dropped me and my dad off at the airport where things were up and down, but we got on the plane and i didn't have to sit next to him.. in fact i snatched up a whole row of 3 seats to myself.. so i was pretty content. i got to lay down and no one to bother me and i could look out the window and yet get up to pee without bothering anyone. it was great. i watched princess diaries 2, the bourne supremacy and the thunderbirds (anyone ever heard of that movie before... was it even out in theatres here?) and then slept and ate. we came back wednesday afternoon (wow.. we left on a wednesday afternoon.. it's like time travel!! :P) no problems with baggage (yay) and came back to 6 messages (all for my mom) and stacks of mail to sort through. oh damn.. i gotta pay my credit card bill... i just remembered! anyhoo... that was my trip. i should probably upload the photos soon. i've given out a majority of the presents i bought.. and unpacked a little today (to find the presents).. but i still have this damn jetlag.

i thought i would be okay since i went to bed at 1am yesterday and i was super tired. i woke up at 8am and i was like "hmm lemme sleep for a little while" and did that again at 11am, 2pm, 3pm and then 4pm when my dad came home from work and i figured i should probably get out of bed. awful! i did random stuff, and then went to beth and ryan's christmas party, where i stayed until 5:30am.. insane! dropped off my sister's christmas cards at her office and got home at 6:15am ish. i thought i would try to beat the jet lag and not sleep all day today.. but i don't think that's going to happen since i'm getting a little sleepy now.. (it's midnight in taiwan now).. maybe i'll just sleep until noon - when i'm sure my dad will make me get out of bed and i'm sure i'll be tired by night time. i wonder if i'll do what i did last time and just have jet lag for a whole week since i don't have to go to work. bad bad bad.

yesterday after i got back i met up with nicole at disneyland at night and we watched the holiday fireworks. they were sooooo cute and me and nicole were tearing up. it was so lame.. i mean.. in the way that who knew music and snow fireworks could make you cry?! leave it up to disney... nicole screams "damn you!! stop toying with my emotions!!" i was feeling a little teary but the "i'll be home for christmas" part was what got me. haha.. and although we weren't standing in the right spot for the snow to fall on us, it was still nice. i'll have to go back and really properly see it. maybe 2 or 3 times. and video tape it.. it's that awesome :)

i gotta get to best buy today so i can buy napoleon dynamite for the "first week out" price.. but i'm sooooooo dreading going near any shopping sort of place the day before christmas.. especially when a ton of people have it off. i was going to go to the mall to talk to my boss to see if i should work.. but that seems insane too... maybe i'll just call. they showed this live shot on the news yesterday of the insane parking lot at this crenshaw mall or something and like it was so bad that this car trying to leave couldn't even get out of his parking space.. and then when he was like backed out of the space, but still didn't have enough room to leave, this car in front of the spot (as opposed to the one waiting behind it) drove in and "stole" the spot.. maybe he was waiting for it first and didn't want that car who thought he deserved it to take it.. but to try and park in it while the car is still backing up sucks. hahah.. it's ruthless.. but if you wait then you're not gonna get the spot. you could he all the news people jeering and laughing.. it was pretty funny.

hahah.. that's holiday spirit for you.

happy christmas eve!!

THINGS I HATE ABOUT TAIWAN:
1. crazy drivers - (traffic lights are only for "reference", if there's no lane, make your own.)
2. never being allowed to go anywhere by myself
3. not understand 70% of everything
4. missing my friends
5. how no one ever says excuse me
6. hanging out with my family

THINGS I LOVE ABOUT TAIWAN:
1. night markets
2. buying cute stuff everywhere
3. cheap yummy food
4. working house (a way cute crate & barrel/stationary/accessory store)
5. ice monster (a yummerific shaved ice with fruit place)
6. hanging out with my family

today i am pooped. i don't know if it's the rain, or the fact that i didn't really sleep all that well last night, or maybe some sort of weird reverse or delayed jet lag, but i'm exhausted. i've had a pretty good time for the past couple days, so yay. oh and it's my mom's birthday today, except my sister is busy with her other family (who's mom of the family's birthday is also today... weird huh?) so we're celebrating tomorrow. ordinarily i might be perturbed .. but right now i'm just whatever. i'm back in taipei at my grandma's, so it's just been tons of going out and eating and a little bit of watching movies on cable whenever i can snag the remote. i totally lost track of the days the other day and i couldn't figure out if it was wednesday or thursday, but it turns out it was friday. maybe it's because i can't use my tv shows to gauge what day it is. hah. my sister says that it happens to her too sometimes. mostly just been hanging out with my grandma and my dad. and this weekend my aunt and uncle wanted to take us out since that was the only time they could really spend with us. i've done a LOT of shopping and bought a TON of stuff.. i have no idea how i'm going to be able to bring it al back. but it's so cute, and i just keep buying more! i have like 7 or so bags right now sitting next to me on top of my suitcase... i'm not going to even try to pack it now.

saturday we went to tua lin st (i think) to eat this famou beef noddle soup place. it's was pretty yummy, but super crowded. it was weird to me to be sitting at a table with strangers while you're trying to have lunch and people just coming and going all the time to get customers in and out. my dad said he never wanted to go back because he hated feeling rushed like the manager wanted him to finish in 5 minutes and get out. then we went shopping afterwards to yuan ling st. and then this mall, but it was 7 floors of computer/techno stuff, so we left. i found out today that there's a 12 story shopping center right next to it... we totally missed it. dang. ate at this seafood/shrimp restaurant that had this really pretty lantern lit bridge. and watching my sister freak out by the fish tanks in the front of the restaurant is always a good time :P that night we went to shih lin night market and my aunt, uncle and grandma joined us, and i invited maurene's friend jen along too. haha.. my mom kept asking her all kinds of questions about teaching english in taiwan. but she said it's hard work, and it's super hard because of all the lesson planning and stuff you have to do (as i'm sure sakura is well aware of), so if you don't really want to be a teacher, it's kind of not so fun. hehe.. that was good news to me. because i think if i hadn't gotten a job, i would have seriously considered staying this time around. i bargained for some really good stuff, and ate these awesome steamed dumpling things that i was totally waiting for, i bought one of those match shaped lighter things that nicole's mom bought that i thought were totally cute. so i am excited for that. i'm really hoping they don't confiscate it at the airport though. i swear i won't do anything bad!

today, my grandma's brother treated our family to lunch at this restaurant, on the 12th floor of the shopping center. it was soooo crowded. you'd think a tiny island like taiwan wouldn't be crowded, but i've never seen so many people around. if you thought malls in america during christmastime were bad.. it's seriously nothing compared to this. it's funny though because the store is prepared... they have roped off lines for the elevators, designated by which floor you are going to. and then have elevator attendants, coming, during and leaving. it's like a ride at disneyland, they direct your every move. i only saw levels 1 and 12, but it was a madhouse. like yesterday, i went to most crowded stationary store ever.. it was insane. i'm glad i'm taller than a lot of people here, but it was insane... you couldn't even really get through the aisles. and there were workers standing guard i guess making sure no one stole anything.. but really how could you see? my dad was like "this is a fire hazard, i'm going to shut this place down" hah.. what a nut. afterwards, my grand-uncle, who is a tour guide to japanase tourists apparently took us to "ice monster" which is like the best shaved ice i've ever had. it was so good that i ate it even though it was raining! and it's not like regular taiwanese shaved ice, but like shaved ice, topped with fruit (they had strawberries, kiwi, or mango - but only in the summer, boo. ) and then topped with cremated milk and other stuff, like mango ice cream. they have other vareties with red beans, and taro and other junk. i just got strawberries with mango ice cream.. it was so good. well until my dad who said he didn't want any started deciding he wanted some, but then wanted to mix it with his hot red bean and yam soup (which i'm not the biggest fan of). it kind of got ruined. but it was really good before then.

i totally want to post pictures of all this stuff i'm talking about, because of course i took pictures :P but it'll have to wait. but there's good pictures in the webpage i linked above! :) i want to go back before i leave on wednesday.. is that crazy? haha.. maybe i'll tell my sister i have to take her.. it's sort of near her house. oh and i want to go to the taipei 101 observation deck. it wasn't open yet last june, but i hear it is now. i'll have to go on a day when it's clear. i wish i could have all my friends here and we could all go shopping and sight seeing together because i know they would love it. it would be like chicago, but cheaper, cuter and yummier. part of me wants to stay and part of me wants to go home already. and i feel like this trip has been so much longer than last time, although i think it's the same amount of time. i guess because there is less running around and less busyness. but when i pass the hotels we stayed and today i saw these cars decorated like they were driving the wedding party i get all nostalgic about my sister's wedding and wish it was last june again. but that's another story for another day.

happy birthday to my mommy.

oh and happy belated birthday to jeff, and of course PHILLY. i'm soooooo sorry i didn't say anything earlier.. but i TOTALLY remembered... i just was super busy with the grandpa stuff. and every time after that i kept putting it off thinking of a "good" way to say i'm a shitty friend and forgot about your bday... but there was no "right" way.. so now i just say eff it and happy belated bday. i hope it was awesome, and that you had a great great time. celebrated in true rock star style like you are. :) besides.. i'm sure you don't need me to wish you a happy birthday with your 50 million friends and fans. did you have your own thread at RKOP? hahah. :) *muah*

soo.. i gotta type fast since i'm on my aunt's computer and she's going to leave to go catch a train pretty soon. it's 8am-ish in california so most of my friends are probably still asleep or at work or .. i dunno.. just not on aim. anyways..

i am so full.. i had like 5 lunches and 3 dinners.. and sure maybe i should have stopped. but i was just sitting there listening to all my relatives talk.. so i had nothing to do but eat. sounds like a dumb excuse.. but oh well... i guess i walked it off going shopping tonight. i don't feel really bloated and awful right now so hey.. it's okay! oh i had 2 breakfasts too. hahah.. i guess it makes up for the non-eating i've been doing when i've had to eat vegetarian for the past few days. blech. give me meat.

so.. the funeral was alright. very traditional.. but seemingly odd in a sort of way. there was a small marching band with drums and saxaphones and a drum majorette kind of deal. and there was a sermon leader/MC kind of guy leading all the bowing and what not.. which i guess was not so odd (kind of like a pastor yea?). i didn't really get to participate because i guess the day they had it on there was a conflict with people born in year of the chicken, which is me.. so i wore the all white garb, but wasn't in the part with the rest of the family, didn't go to the viewing, and after the ceremony when they were transporting my grandfather's body to the car that (which were accompanied by 3 other trucks that were all decorated like rose floats) i had to go upstairs because i wasn't allowed to watch it. and i wasn't allowed to go the cemetary when he was being buried either. (yea.. even with my fear of cemetaries i actually did want to go.) bad luck omens for me everywhere. and i'm sure when i fell on the unlevel pavement my relatives were sure that it was a sign. thus it seemed very unpurposeful for me to be here. especially since i wasn't super close to him, but i thought being with my relatives would help me. maybe i'm not even supposed to be writing about it.. so i'll stop now. but.. it was i guess interesting to see the traditions and customs. kind of like seeing all the hoopla for my sister's grandeur wedding. so i became the photographer and took pictures. oh and one more thing.. that my family had to wear these different things.. boys were different things, and girls mostly wore the same thing.... which included pointy hats with a shawl type thing. it almost looked like the kkk except there was some color/design on the point. include that with the swastika symbols on the "money" being burned for as an offering and it's quite interesting. it's funny how the same thing can be so opposite in different cultures.

i guess i write about it so i can remember it when i come and read it months later. not that i won't.. but so i can better remember details. because i'm a nerd like that. :P yes.. i come back and read my own blog. isn't that what it's for? this morning i went shopping with my cousin and my dad to the day market (after eating breakfast #2) and bought tons of stuff, for myself and for presents. stayed in in the afternoon and listened to my mom and her relatives discuss "issues" about my grandfather's possessions i guess. i couldn't really understand it. but there's a stepmother involved.. and what seems to me like some shady business. i don't really know, and i don't want to believe all the stories about "wicked step-families" but sometimes i just wonder how people can be so... deceitful and uncaring. you know my step-grandma is only like 6 or so years older than my mom? i think.. but definitely not that much older... i would die if my dad married some 30 year old. *barf* but my step-cousin is cool. after they finished discussing (while my cousin and i were at the "hi-life" (like 7-11)) we went out to dinner and while they were drinking and talking as adults allllways drag on doing we went shopping at the night market.. i blew some more cash (my sister is right.. it just seems like play money!) and we played with these awesome sticker picture machines and then bought some meat innards on a stick off this street cart. yum :)

i feel tons better! yay for tons of sleep!! although i had to share rooms with my dad and he snores like no other. i'd wake up at least 4 times a night and not be able to get back to sleep for awhile. ack. done with the sickness. except now i have like a gazillion bug bites all over. even on my forehead. and i'm like putting on this medicine that smells AWFUL. i'm probably going to head back to taipei tomorrow or the next day. my dad is anxious to get back.. i think he's bored. but my mom still has stuff to take care of and things to clean through so i'm not sure if i should accompany her?

anyhoo.. i should get going. minutes minutes minutes.. and my aunt is going to catch her train soon. i should probably get to bed too.. miss everyone tons!!