my boss bought me a mocha from the cafe across the street and now i'm kind of wired........ WHOO.

it is RAINY... and i have stopped keeping up with current events.. so i was totally surprised when it started sprinking last night. i woke up this morning and heard the torrential downpour and REALLY did not want to get out of bed. but i had to.. and the commute wasn't too horrific, but just wet. but retardedly i wore open toe shoes (because i don't really have any closed toe dressy shoes and i thought "it won't be too bad".. and really it hasn't.. just mildly annoying, especially when i step in puddles that i don't see.

last night i bummed around and got to sit in on the set of the commercial they were taping.. which was neat. it was cool to see and very "making the video" like.. so that was exciting. :) it's hard because it's a lot of repetition over and over again doing the shots .. but that's the life eh? but i did get to talk to this girl who had worked on the bachelorette!! she knows who won! and of course couldn't/wouldn't tell anyone because i'm sure she signed her life away with the secret. but she did tell us some stuff and she said that ben was such a sweetie in real life.. aww.. i want to meet him!!! he is my favorite.. i am sad that jen kicked him off.. and she said that she got to hang out with the guys a lot, plus got put up in her own place in new york. wow.. :P i talked to this guy that does lots of stuff and i gave him my info today and he said he'd call me if he had stuff that they need help with.. weekend shoots and stuff since i can't do any weekday stuff. hmmmm.. tons to think about.

so.. i'm just sitting here listening to my itunes... watching people walk by with cups of beer. it's a party!! whoo. speaking of which.. i got invited to my first work party :) yay, and there's another work function that is the same week, which you can invite friends and family to and they show what the company has done .. which is kind of cool because i haven't really seen the stuff either :) i'm gonna be the big dork who brings her parents.. haha.. and it's not even stuff i "did" haha.

grr.. i have misplaced two of my watches.. and my napoleon dynamite dvd.. GOSH. that sucks.

pete posted this really funny link to a guy who saw some really bad papers and then took them and wrote really mean comments all over them. it was AWESOME.. but the school's judicial board made him take them down and now he's in trouble.. which sucks.. because it was great. damn the man.

going to the airport tonight to drop off my aunt and cousin.. and then no more house guests.. in our lonely lonely house. just me and my mom. i will feel bad going out because then it's like i'm leaving her all alone.. but what can i do? i may go to the ucla vs. usc hockey game at my work tonight.. why? i don't know.. just to go.. it may be the closest thing to "real" college sports i can get because i will probably never go to a college football game. the rivalry will be exciting...although i won't really care who wins.. so it's kind of pointless. i wanted to go to the ucla vs. ucsd game.. but i missed it. boo. i hear there a tons of fights, and some even in the stands.. that i don't want to be a part of. :P

yay.. seven more minutes... but i gotta go to the bathroom and i can't go until i get off! but i also gotta race home.. grr.. it's the coffee.. cuz coffee's a diarretic. i learned that in BILD 12 at ucsd... human nutrition.. apparently sakura and i were in the same class.. but that was before we were friends, so we didn't know... small world huh? oh we also played tennis against each other in high school.. we didn't know each other either. they beat our ass... hey! we're a math and science school! riiigghht? okay.. WHAT?

shoot.. luc just told me that there is a fatty accident on the 405.. i gotta check sigalert.com.. i hope i can get home.. maaaaaaaan... friggin rain, friggin drivers, shiiiiiizzzz. time to go!! i'm outtie 5000. PEACE!

i just saw the cutest puppy... 1.5 lbs a few weeks old, pure chihuahua.. i think. i dunno.. but it was ADORABLE. i want one. nothing can beat penelope.. but, this dog comes close.

yay!!! i got my paycheck.. it still isn't a full paycheck because i got docked .25 hours for being late. gaiye... but it is still money and much needed :) i still haven't gotten my credit card bill that i charged my baby iMac too.. so i'm still waiting for the damage to be done to my account. i won't have a full paycheck until next pay period, but then it'll be minus a day again the period after that because of president's day. boo. please can i become "staff" soon?

so i feel kind of lame.. i was "stalking" on the internet... i mean.. researching this person that i had met.. with clues i knew through other people. he was a very cute boy that i had a brief conversation with. i thought he worked with me, but he was working with a client, so when i said "will you be here for awhile" he though i meant during that day, i meant.. for the rest of my life.. i mean.. a few weeks. i hope that the clients come back soon...and that i'm there when they do... we shall see. not like it matters, but i just like to stare :P

valentine's day is monday.. umm.. i'll be working, and then maybe sleeping.. hanging out with my mom. oh!! maybe i'll call up kimmy gibbler...she would be a good date... if she's not in class. i was thinking about baking cookies or cupcakes or something for people at my work.. but... i'm not sure. i didn't want to spend the time wrapping candy up that's for sure.. but i can't possibly bake enough for EVERYONE.. so.. we'll see how lazy i get this weekend. or maybe i'll bake em and eat em all. hahah.. love it. imagine me shoving my face full of cupcakes... who doesn't want that as a valentine?

yay.. tomorrow is friday. tomorrow is donut day. tomorrow kelly will be in town :)

it is FINALLY thursday... i have felt like it was thursday on monday and that it was friday for the past two days. i don't know why i'm so beat.. i mean.. it's not just because i sleep late, because it's more than a tiredness.. it's like a "man this week is long" but it had just started. maybe i'm all throw off my working some of the extra days. or maybe it's the entertaining houseguests/relatives thing. either way.. i am GLAD that tomorrow is friday and the weekend follows. i have almost nothing to do this weekend, and i wonder if it's better to keep it that way and just sleep the time away (but then you wonder where the weekend went) or go out and do fun stuff. i do however need to get to the gym.. i haven't been in quite awhile.. too many things to do. aside from the fact that i've figured out that once i get home, i only have 10 hours until i have to wake up for work again. it sounds like a lot, but if you factor in 6-8 hours for sleep, then i only have 2-4 to eat dinner, and do anything else... doesn't leave much time for anything. i'm not complaining.. but it definitely hard working long hours. and there's a gym next door to my work, except since i already have a membership, i can't join this one that i see eveyone going to on their lunch breaks/after work. somehow i feel left out or something... and it would be super convenient.. but it's not meant to be. i've tried waking up earlier to go before i work.. but that just isn't happening either. my bed is too comfortable.

been trying to entertain my relatives (when i'm not working) this week before they leave (today and tomorrow). went shopping and then took my uncle and cousin to krispy kreme to have them try the wonder that is melt in your mouth donuts. we got free samples, but they weren't hot off the tray, so they were sub-par. but i wanted to take them, because my cousin really likes donuts, and there's this donut place around the corner from their house (in taiwan) called "mr. donut" i think it's a japanese brand or something. but there is ALWAYS a long long line, and people wait 4+ hours to have donuts.. i guess like the intial krispy kreme madness. but also they apparently have 100 different kinds of donuts. really? who need 100?

tuesday was chinese new year's even dinner. the one thing about having relatives in town is that everything is more elaborate. we tend to go out to eat more, we do more things at home, and my mom definitely cooks more. so if they weren't here, especially with my dad leaving, we probably would have done nothing, but because there were here we had a HUGE dinner, hot pot, steak, crab - the works. last night my cousin (picky/bratty/antisocial) wanted to go to sizzler, and of course my mom obliged, so they went, i met them up after i got off work, fought traffic and crazy drivers to get there and then scarfed down as much food as i could in 40 minutes before i had to leave for work again. i had a salad plate and a real food plate and my uncle told me i should eat more and get my money's worth. hahah.. i was so uncomfortably full though i couldn't even try... not in the time frame i had either. i told them to eat a little more for me. although my cousin (older, not bratty, just shy) is amazing. he can pack away so much food, but yet he's so tall and lanky. he eats so much when he's out here, but he tells me that he loses weight. boo!! we went to costco and brought home like a bunch of hot dogs for everyone, i think he ate 4. last night he had the "big appetite combo" which was like steak, ribs, shrimp and a baked potato i think, plus 3 or 4 plates of food, and who knows what else after i left... he was still going strong. and it's not like he's all super athletic or anything either, he sits around and plays computer games all day. i think maybe he has his mom's metabolism or something. but i'm always amazed at how much he eats sometimes.

work last night was okay... but the refs were passing out penalties like candy. i think once they started calling them, they just had to keep doing it, to prove a point... even though some of the minor stuff sometimes other refs let go. but there were 21 penalties, 15 of them in the 3 period, and most of them all during stop time.. grrr. i was "racing" with the guy on the olympic rink to see who's games would finish first and i totally lost. sucks. oh well.. more money for me right? :)

they're still shooting the commercial here.. and i really want to go watch. i found out that one of the girls in it is chantal robson, wade robson's sister. i want to tell her that i love her brother. hahah.. i bet she hates that. :P

"i love the people at my work, they're all psychos!"
"gee, you're so pretty... it's a good thing you don't let it go to your head."

ten more minutes......... hurry hurry hurry. i am butt tired.. and i have work again tonight... maybe starbucks is in order for tonight. just wanted to say hello. :) :) :)

happy chinese new year!! :)

year of the rooster - yay..that's me!

*random fact: when i was on kidquiz in the sixth grade in 1993 (whoa 12 years ago!) one of the questions was about chinese new year and what the current year was... and i didn't get to answer the question (the snotty pompous kid from the other team buzzed in before me) i was SO mad at myself because it was "my" question. hahaha... i think i even laid my head down on the little podium table top thing. i'm glad they didn't show that on tv. haha

happy new year! :)

xlinhiex: so any more celebrity sightings?
xlinhiex: i cant believe u didnt snap a pic of JT!
jeanyah: i know!!!!
jeanyah: i'm totally kicking myself
jeanyah: but i was tooo nervous!
jeanyah: and i didn't want to just snap and picture as i was walking by
jeanyah: that's so rude yah know?!
xlinhiex: hahaha
xlinhiex: i woulda stopped him
xlinhiex: if anything.. he'll say no
xlinhiex: and you'll never see him again (unless ur really lucky(
xlinhiex: besides.. he'd never remember if u did see him again
xlinhiex: to be 'embarassed' that u asked once and he said no
jeanyah: haha
jeanyah: or he'd get angry and yell at me
jeanyah: and then i'd rant and rave about what an asshole JT was
jeanyah: yea.. but when i actually passed by him we were in the middle of the street yah know?
jeanyah: so.. either i stop him in the middle of the intersection (where there are cars waiting).. or i turn around and follow him down the street
jeanyah: how creepy are either of those things? hahah
jeanyah: dude.. what if you were sitting in the your car JT crossed the street in front of you
jeanyah: hahhahaha.. would you yell out your window? get out of your car?
xlinhiex: id holler at him
xlinhiex: sing some of his lines
jeanyah: hahah
xlinhiex: i'd tell him.. to move his body

this is a total pop post that everyone has probably seen already.. but i just felt i HAD to post it. :P

this is what having a boyfriend and being married does to you...



juuuust kidding. i mean.. i don't think she's picking her nose (upon closer zoom in inspection) i think she's scratching her eye.. but.. i did notice all her blemishes, plus the zit cream all over her face.. which sucks. i'm definitely not perfect, so i can't really criticize her, but i do try to not go out with stuff all my lotion/clearasil/sunblock/foundation rubbed in. and i hate how everyone's like "dang she's so fat!" really? i doubt it. just because she doesn't like this...



doesn't mean she's a heffer. besides.. who looks like the everyday without airbrushing. no one. i don't know.. why am i defending her? maybe i just feel bad for her.. haha. why is my blog all about JT and britney lately? i don't know. i almost bought the crossroads dvd for $5.99 at best buy yesterday... i haven't even seen the movie, and i heard it is trash, but it's just fun to own. hahah.

but she's got millions of dollars (and suing for more).. so who cares what she looks like and what people say about her.. haha. it's her prerogative :)

netflix vs. blockbuster....

so.. every week and and almost everyday.. i see the outgoing mail for our company and it's almost always flooded with netflix. those unmistakeable red envelopes. especially on monday mornings. but i was surfing the internet, and i'm sure it's been in the making for awhile.. but blockbuster online! their answer to netflix... AND it's cheaper.. $14.99.. plus they send you two free coupons each month for a free rental in-store.. (maybe they're counting on people's laziness to get free rentals but return them late?) but.. that seems like a great deal...

but what do i know.. i don't do either. i've thought about signing up.. but i haven't really had time to watch all the dvd's i own.. it'd probably be great the first week or two and then i'd just be wasting my money. maybe when i have my own place and free reign to just plop in front of the tv and veg.. but really .. how many movies can you watch all the time? i mean.. i guess a lot.. whatever.

anyways.. in the end i'm sure i'd just be wasting my money... BUT with blockbuster i'd be wasting 3 less bucks. pros? cons? i dunno.. we'll see who wins this battle.

ps.. this actor just came in for a commercial we're doing that was on the set of desperate housewives this morning and had a part.. that's pretty exciting :) :) well to me at least.. and my current obsession with that show :P although i still have that long standing dislike of teri hatcher. hahah.. oh dean cain.. why did your show have to be cancelled?

so... umm.... as if i didn't need another reminder as to how little friends i have, or how technologically savvy or uncaring my friends already are... i thought it was bad when i had 12 gmail invites that i couldn't give away for the life of me. granted i have two gmail accounts .. so it's a collective.. but 6 each and i couldn't even give them away. but now.. i have FIFTY... fifty EACH.. so.. i have ONE HUNDRED gmail invites to give away and no one to give them away to. anyone who really wanted one i'm sure already has one, and my friend who don't use gmail already have hotmail/yahoo whatever .. and don't really feel the need to switch to gmail - to save them the hassle of switching emails and having too many addresses to check.. blah blah blah. i get it.. i do.. but you're also talking to a girl who has 4 email addresses (and one forwarding address) that i check 3 of them constantly. i don't really get that much mail, but i signed up for the hotmail to use for the forwarding, and i've had the aol one for forever which is convenient because that's the email i had in high school so some people still email me there. and then i scrambled around for a gmail account and got two because petey so very nicely signed one up for me after i had already signed myself up for one. this is when everyone wanted one and nobody had invites.. opposite of now. and now that hotmail has upped their limit.. it's not really as big of a deal... so... i dunno. plus i figure everyone i know will probably have a kajillion invites as well (unless they are way more popular than i am) so anyone who would want a second, third, twelfth account could give themselves one. i remember when everyone wanted one and they were selling on ebay for like $20+ .. now they're only going for $0.06-$1 ... yea.. and not even being boughten. right..... have they started to let people sign up for it yet? or is the only way through invite still....

so.. who wants some gmail?

soo... eagles vs. the patriots huh? hahah.. riiiiight. i pretended to care... i watched the game with my uncle who claimed to be excited about it... but not in the crazy fan way. i don't know if he REALLY cared who won.. but he said he used to like the eagles, until they lost a lot .. so obviously not a true die hard fan. i was rooting for tom brady (and the patriots i guess) because he is good looking. hahah... but i spent half of the game ripping songs onto my computer to reload my ipod with. i set my tivo to channel 11 and then every half hour or so i would fast forward through the game, watch the commercials, and i guess watch when a team scored.... it seemed so much easier that way. :)

the weekend was okay, not too much excitement. friday just came home for dinner and had two existing plans, but was too tired for anything and just stayed home, watched tv and slept. it was nice. saturday i had to do more errands for my sister and then i was supposed to go take my uncle and cousin to dinner, but they were hungry before i got home, so my mom just decided to take them somewhere else. it was a little frustrating because i felt like it was just leaving me in the lurch. like i spent the day thinking that that's what my plans for the night were, and when i got home i had nothing to eat and no plans anymore. i was kind of fed up, so i stopped trying to make plans and entertain and just figured they were happy playing computer games and watching chinese dvds. so whatever. this girl called to ask me to cover her shift and i figured why not.. not like anything exciting was going on at home right?

sunday was a chill day - superbowl day.. whoo. hoo. :P although last night my aunt and other cousin came and my mom was freaking out about what they were going to eat (when they weren't hungry) where they were going to sleep (when i had already offered multiple solutions).. and she told me "oh they're kind of quiet.. so when they come you should greet your aunt and say hi.." right.. because that's going to help their anti-social awkwardness? anyways.. i'm being mean.. but i was super frustrated last night with the "family politics" and how you're supposed to be all nice and behave when relatives/company are around.. it's just... tiring sometimes.. especially with my mom and how demanding yet unappreciative she can be. i am glad that i had my sister's netflix: dodgeball to watch before i returned it because that gave me something to do and was super duper funny. i laughed so hard... my cousin told me it was going to be bad and not to watch it. haha.. what does he know... but i also think he doesn't like stupid humor like i do. i love it... :)

today..i think i am losing my mind.. maybe because i am frazzled or something. i tried to finalize one of the discs that my sister forgot to close (so she could play her recorded dvd on other machines) and either it froze or something, but i couldn't get it to finish for the life of me.. and then all sorts of other chaos. i tried to do it during my lunch so i could get home earlier because my mom wanted me to do some stuff for her .. but it seems wasted almost.. so now i have to go back and hopefully try and solve the problem and still get home in a timely manner. ugh.

little things are slipping past me and i don't like it.. at all.

today's funny: i saw a limo outside as i was crossing the street... and i wanted to run up.. "justin?!!!!! is that you??!!" oh man. i was thinking about celebrity sightings.. and i remember one summer when i was in middle school - i went with my middle school best friend to torrance high to go watch them tape 90210. it was pretty neat .. they didn't have a closed set or anything, and i saw most of the cast (except for my favorite luke perry.. i was crushed)... but jason preistly did walk by us once while we were sitting in some random hallway while accompanied by a few bodyguards and he was shaving (electric) before his scene. he looked down and smiled and was like "hey what's up" and i was like "hey" before i realized who it was. and then when i did i had a total meltdown and no words to speak. i think i may have sat there gaping for a while as i did the whole head turning thing watching him walk away. oh.. how i miss carefree summers. and i *heart* torrance. hahahha.

so i am totally a gawking 12 year old school girl..

so.. this is my "i love LA" story.

on my lunch break i figured i get some food and then try to go be a lookyloo where they're shooting the commercial. i went in for a few minutes while on my break and it was totally like "making the video" with the green screen and the cameras and the huge screens, trailers, wardrobe and craft services.. haah.. it was neat. anyways.. so i'm walking down the street and i see someone who's very shaved head looks familiar... and yes, yes it is.. it's justin timberlake. i'm wondering how i can stealthily take a picture, as i remember that i don't have a camera phone, but i do have my digital camera in my purse. can i stop him and ask to take his picture? should i just smile and keep on walking? should i ask him to sing me a song in the middle of the street? or should i just snap a picture and run away hoping he doesn't come beat me down. i also realize that we're going to cross the street at the exact same time, so i pass by him and two of his friends (i don't think bodyguards) and i was just looking at him, but trying to have it be in the friendly just want to say hi to a stranger kind of way, not the way that the screaming fan inside of me wanted to reach out, grab him, wrestle him to the ground and lick him (just kidding.) but he was looking away or at the ground.. probably trying not to make eye contact with me because he probably didn't want to encourage me. jerk.. haahh.. at least nick lachey said hi and how are you (even while he was on the phone) when i passed by him. whatever... it took all of me to not touch him.. like "accidentally" bump into him... or ask to take a picture, but i looked.. a lot. and although i tried to be smooth about it, i most definitely was not.. because as i reached the other side of the street this man says to me "that's good, don't let 'em know you're scared" and i tried to be all cool and i was like "what?" and the guy was like "i saw that look you gave him" and i just laughed said "yea" and just had the expression in my voice and on my face "duh.. because it's justin timberlake!!" i immediately called nicole to leave a hyperventilated squealing message (which is funny because she's the first person i called when i saw nick lachey) and text messaged all my other friends who i thought would be excited/care/not make too much fun of me.. and ate lunch while still jittery and excited about actually having a star sighting that i was uber excited about. i mean... i see directors at work, but it's kind of ... i don't get star struck, just intimidated. but that's also at work. i've never seen a star just out in the open.. except for that guy from the OC briefly.. but i don't really even watch the show, so no big deal right? it's just like "hey it's that guy!" if i could have snapped a picture it could have been in one of those US magazines.. "they're just like us! the cross the street!" i have seen my share of stars - more than others, but none that were this huge, and that i have seen in concert many many times. hahahah.. well only 3 (twice were *nsync)... so yea... on my way back to work (where i was hoping that i'd run into him again.. haha) kimmy called me and i told her why i sounded so happy and she properly squealed and gawked along with me. and then told me she saw jesse bradford at her gym.. hahah.. he's hot too. like i ever have a chance.. but it's nice to daydream.

i have to spend the rest of the afternoon in commercials because the girl over there isn't feeling well. with how crazy busy its been the past two days when i've been there for lunch, i'm just hoping i don't eff it up. although last time i spent the whole day over there it wasn't as busy.. although i did mess up and felt like a punk about it.

last night i had a hot date with nicole and sakura. it was awesome. what sucks is that because i get off so late, it's hard for me to do anything with anyone during the week... but my friends are nice and patient and starve themselves (or just eat anyways) for me to get off work, and then sakura and i fought the traffic on the 91east (what? traffic at 8pm?) but got there still by 8:30... so yay. we snuck into the restaurant before they closed at 9pm, ordered drinks, appetizers and yummy posh food and laughed and talked. i really needed it. we also had the "best creme brulee ever".. and it was good... but really.. isn't all creme brulee "the best?" i mean.. i guess not.. but everytime it tastes so damn good.

it's superbowl weekend ... ehhh... i'm rooting for the new england patriots because tom brady is hot. i should put up that poster i have of him. i wanted to put him on the bathroom door, but my mom was already complaining about the josh duhamel poster i have on my door and how it scares her at night.. hahah.. so i figured that's probably not the best idea. i may be watching the superbowl at home with my uncle because apparently he is a big superbowl fan... really i should try to take him out or something... get the full experience.. hmm. maybe vegas? i heard its madness over there for the superbowl :P

other than that my weekend looks pretty relaxing (which is good) no work sunday (at least that i know of) chillaxing.. cleaning, entertaining relatives or something. i may go clubbing with sakura, jenny and carol, but i'm not sure if i want to be where they're going.. hahah.. it's not "my scene" and apparently not sakura or carol's either, which is why they want me to go... misery loves company? i was supposed to hang out with this other girl, but she sucks at calling back.. and i question whether its me she doesn't want to call back, or she's just doesn't call anyone back... because that's what she tells me :P so i might just say fuggit and go out instead of waiting around for a phone call i'm never going to get. because you know.... a lot of people aren't about effort, and sometimes it's just so hard to be in a friendship that's all one sided. i mean.. sure the other person cares, but it's hard to always be the person making everything happen. a lot of times i get sick of it, and i don't want to be the one making the effort to see if anything happens. maybe it's petty and dumb, but it produces results i guess. you see who and what people are willing to try, and most times, what they aren't. i mean..when you get stuff like "well i figured when you wanted to talk to me, you'd call me.." that's bs.. if you don't make the effort with a person, whether they're mad at you or not, then you must not care enough to do anything about it. if you just give up and say "oh well" then that's exactly how strong your friendship is. how bad do you want it? because people who want stuff enough will go for it. and it's doesn't have to be a grand gesture, but just something to show you care.... to that other person, not just for you so you can justify it to yourself and say "well i tried".. no you didn't. whatever.. some people just "don't get it" and then wonder why you're mad. and then are mad at you or think you're crazy for being mad at them.. how is that a solution? but whatever... i'm just spouting nonsense. but it makes sense to me.. i know you all think i'm a raving fool now... so i'll get off the soapbox.

wait.. one more rant (hahaha..) oh shit..i forgot.. so you guys are spared... until next time....

pete is obliging me by entertaining me for my last hour at the ridiculously long day at work. tonight's entertainment provided is exchanging pictures of hot or trashy girls.. because as i have learned tonight those two don't necessarily mean the same thing.

TooMuchPete: Umm... trashy?
jeanyah: i thought boys liked that
jeanyah: hahah
jeanyah: because trashy doesnt' not necessarily equal hot.. or does it
TooMuchPete: Some do.
jeanyah: but not you?
jeanyah: Trashy is not hot.
jeanyah: aww... you're the best
TooMuchPete: Now.
TooMuchPete: There *is* a difference between slutty and trashy.
TooMuchPete: Slutty can be hot.
TooMuchPete: Trashy cannot.
TooMuchPete: I have a witness:
TooMuchPete: TooMuchPete: I need a witness... can a girl be slutty w/o being trashy?
whodamanny: yeah

consider yourselves educated.

pictures long over due.....

TAIWAN december 04

pictures from my grandfather's funeral setup


my dad and grandma walkin down the street :)


night market shopping :) look my dad and uncle are wearing the same (gap) shirts.. hahaha.



happy birthday to my mom!


pictures from bus rides and the mccafe


the cool bridge at the yummy restaurant


one handed photography of me and my sis. our favorite.

pete & annie @ highland grounds jan 04



missing san diego.

complete albums @ my imagestation

i'm grumpy.. lots of different reasons.. i just feel super blah.

the other day this purple plymouth car..that one that looks kind of like a hearst... the cooper? i forget what it's called.. but anyways.. this eyesore in front of me.. i'm waiting behind it on the offramp of the freeway and i see the passenger side door open.. and i thought they were going to spit or something.. because i always tend to catch those spitters.. but no.. even worse, she dumps out a paper plate with some scraps of food on it. eating breakfast in their car or something and then dumping out the garbage on the street! wtf!! it flops all over the street... and as you drive closer to the light, there's another street that merges with our lane, so this other car is trying to merge. this purple jerkface would let the car merge, drove in front of him and then parked in front of him while he proceeded to yell and flick him off through the window. really... is that necessary? he didn't even do anything wrong?

i hated this car instantly... people are such jerks sometimes.

does anyone know how drivetime traffic is at 7:30ish in the morning from santa monica to the 90 west taking the 405 south? or side streets.. or is traffic just shit everywhere? i'm trying to decide if staying at my sister's during the week would be better for me commute wise? (joan if you're reading this.. is that okay?! :) ) anyways.. so yea.. i am having some "trouble" getting here in the morning... any tips/advice/inside info is appreciated... or carpool buddies.. although the 405 north doesn't even really have a carpool lane north of the 105.. so what's the point?

blah blah blah.. "sure just leave earlier" that's the simple answer, that's the response i get from everyone.. like i'm an idiot and don't know that.. but apparently i don't.. because i have a problem with it. it's one of those things that you "know" you shouldn't do but you do it anyways.. like eat those really bad foods, call people you shouldn't be calling, and sleeping in when you know you should be out of bed.

happy february!!

yikes... there are times where it feels like time is going so slow. like.. a week ago when i went to annie & pete's show... seems like SO long ago.. but it seems like time has flown since my trip to taiwan, i can barely even remember it happened. anyways... it's february.. and this my 4th week at my new job. exciting exciting.. kind of. :P i'm still antsy about the whole "when am i going to be staff" bit... but all in due time i guess. i hope sooner rather than later. today my boss wanted to talk to me.. and i had all sorts of good and bad scenarios in my head.. but it turned out to be good. not "it" but good. :P

i've started to think more and more about moving out.. just so i can be closer to work.. because traffic is a bitch.. i hate it. i also hate that guilty feeling when i go out too much and not spending enough time that i feel that i am obliged to spend at home. but at the same time i might be too lonely at home by myself... since i'm not sure about the roomie thing. plus.. it might be nice to live alone. BUT.. who has the money to move out? certainly not me. well.. i have money, and i'd probably survive if i have to.. but just barely.. and i'd save probably no money.

i hate tax season for a different reason than most.. just because i get all my w-2's.. this year it's 4 from all the different jobs i had.. or maybe more are coming.. it seems like i should have more. but... the depressing part is that i open up my w-2's and see all the money that i have "supposedly" made during the year.. and i wonder where it has all gone. especially me with no real costs like car, food, rent, utilities.. etc etc... i wonder why i have none of the potential thousands of dollars i have earned. what is up with that my friends?

it is either my laziness or my new strategy.. is that i hold my paychecks.. and don't cash them so i can't spend them. then i deposit a bunch of them all together and it's like "wow!! i have so much money!!" but that's being because i'm losing accruing interest :P and really.. this isn't a plan.. just me being too lazy to go to a bank. those drive through atms across the street from school and my house in san diego spoiled me.

the end of last week was fun. hung out with sakura and did our "yay you got your first paycheck now take me out to dinner" ritual. funny though because she treated me last year.. and it took me a whole year later to make it happen. oh well.. we drank, ate good food and chatted. we got buzzed off of one drink (each).. how wussy of us.. maybe our stomachs were empty? but we had to sit in chili's and wait for it to wear off a bit. and i told her about the chili's waiter who me, beth and benji had one night... too bad we didn't get him again.. but i told him all his funny stories, so we'd giggle everytime he passed by. i wonder if he remembers us.. or if he just tells his sob stories to anyone who will listen to get more tips.

saturday i spent hanging out at my sister's putting shows onto dvd for her. it gives me the chance to watch most of the shows i watch anyways (plus cable) so.. it's not that big of a deal. it is a little time consuming because i have to go over there and it just seems to take longer when i'm watching a whole weeks worth of tv in one shot... but... technically it's time i would have spent watching tv during the week, just rescheduled. that night philly and lisa were in town for the ray lamontagne show... who i haven't heard myself but i've heard great things about him (that's for you pete.. check him out.. hahah) and so i was way excited to met up with them for dinner where we had the WEIRDEST waitress and crazy plate snatching bus boys. but the food was yummy, so i guess we'll just chalk it up to dinner entertainment. what was also entertaining was that i had some posters for philly in the backseat, but forgot i needed to seat 3 in the car, so philly someone managed to squeeze herself in the backseat with the posters to and from dinner.. but not without much hilarity. it was WINDY and cold that night though... so i didn't want to spend too much time outside. the wind almost chopped off my leg when it blew my car door shut. yikes. sunday was work pretty much all day. an added shift in the morning, a regular shortened shift in the afternoon and then another added shift at night. i am trying to make up for buying my computer and accessories, paying the red-light ticket, and all my other ridiculous expenditures.. i might help out with evals this weekend and next.. we shall see.

sunday after i came home from work i had to clean, but that left me with like 3 hrs of sleep.. so needless to say i was but tired. i came home and my dad, uncle and cousin had already gone out to eat without me (bastards!) so i just went upstairs and went to sleep. at 7:45pm.... crazy. slept until the next morning and went to work again. it all seems so routine.. i don't want to get stuck in a rut. so yea.. that's my life now..work and sleep. i don't know why i haven't quit the other jobs yet.. i don't want to. it's weird. i love and hate being so busy. because you know.. that i would be just sitting on my ass at home if i didn't have all those extra jobs to go to.. so at least i have a purpose.

next week is chinese new year :) year of the rooster.. that's me! haha.. does that mean i'll get extra money for it being my year? yea right. oh well..i rearranged my schedule to have the big chinese new year dinner with relatives, and maybe we will have a big blow out since my taiwan relatives are in town and it's a bigger deal to them. except that's the day my dad leaves for taiwan :( i am hoping that he will bring back lots of money meant for me back from my taiwan relatives.. since the cause is pretty much lost out here. oh well. that week i'm working on the night that the cute boy plays, and i'm hoping to "happen" to pass by him on my way to work.. coincidence right? hahah.. i'm a dork.. i know. or "so high school" as luc tells me. punk.

i was watching ebert & roepert on my sister's tivo last weekend and after hearing the good review that they gave my sister's movie i was excited to record it and send it to her. it made me happy because they said "the best movie of the show this week" but it made me sad because i think it was ebert said it was definitely oscar worthy... but it didn't get nominated. they were close - it was on the academy awards short list.. but didn't make the final cut. while born into brothels and super size me did.. and tupac resurrection... how much money can you make of a guy after he's dead... jeez! ehh.. i dunno.. it would have been really exciting if they got nominated... i wonder if i could have been my sister's plus one to the show.. that would have been THE BEST. in due time... but my company is nominated in a category for an oscar... i hope we win :) you should have seen everyone around here the day they were announced.. it's just like all those stories you hear about in the interviews, people calling each other in the early morning for congratulations, it was a big buzz.

i am also sad that my favoritest child star hot referree is no longer working at our rink. he freaking moved to idaho or something to work for the echl. damn you cost of living in LA. why couldn't he stay.. we could have been friends. damn he was hot. i was hoping he was just on a "break" and would come back when the season was over.. but no.. gone for good. :( maybe he'll be back later... i can only hope. i used to wish and hope that he'd be working the same games as me every week.. but i only got to work with him once or twice... boo... i bet all the girls in i-da-ho all over him. sluts :P

wow.. this was random and long. congrats to all the folks how got through it all :) it's like my tv watching habits.. instead of breaking it up into daily bits, i wait and make a big long one. :P man.. it's 4:40pm.. it needs to be 7pm already!! but it's funny.. i was telling someone that even though my hours are longer, and it never has seemed as long as it ever did at the temp job. that's a good sign right?

have a great day!!

oh and happy belated wishes to petey, erika, kimberly and ziad :)

is it wrong to say that downloading music makes me so happy sometimes :)

ps..what are good songs for hockey (or any sport in general would work i guess, even workout.. etc etc etc.. warm up music? except... i specify hockey just because i don't think they'd want to warm up to beyonce's naughty girl..as catchy as it is.)
no "girly" songs as this one little kid so defiantly put it. haha.. cute.

i need suggestions.

so at the request of jill i am blogging. i dunno.. i just haven't been "feelin it" lately.. nothing too exciting to write about. i work all week and then just hang out by my lonesome during the weekends. sounds like fun huh? i bet you want to be me.

mostly work during the week... one morning i worked in the commercials.. it's busy busy. i mean.. i get busy at my desk too, with calls stacked on top of each other, but over there it's a different kind of busy because i also have to screen calls and try to find people who aren't always where they're supposed to be. so it's more hectic... but it does make time pass more quickly. i hope that they like me though :P my daddy came and surprised me for lunch one day and i got a call "your dad is here".. haha. so cute :) he treated me to jerry's famous deli after trying forever to decide where to go. oh man.. i should have went to that place sergi said it good. oh well.. next time. my dad is fond of dropping by.. i told him next time to tell me so i can tell the security guard. we'll see if he does.. haha. friday was somebody's birthday and i had cheesecake at work... oinker! but it was good :) i think i'm going to gain a work 15.. have i said that already? i went home and cooked dinner and waited for my sister to finish packing so i could go pick her up. in true slacker fashion she had to finish watching some tv shows and i didn't end up going to her house until 2 and leaving until 4. although i was being a whiney brat at first, i was really thankful that my dad was there to drive because i was butt tired. saturday i woke up early to ship my sister off :( to japan and taiwan.. it's cool that she gets to travel lots, but sad because she isn't around. but then i go "check on her house" and watch her tv and record it on to dvd's for her.. hahah. you know.. purely for her, i get nothing out of it :P

saturday i had lunch at steve's with jimmy and ryan. i would say "like old days" because i used to ALWAYS go to steve's, but not old days because not with jimmy and ryan. is that how my life would have been if i went to north? haahah.. i cleaned some, watched sex and the city lots... gosh oh gosh.. i LOVE aidan. i never knew that he got married and had a baby, so come series finale time i always wanted him to pop out of nowhere.. but i'm glad he was happy. i want an aidan. sunday was work and then some more cleaning... trying to be good or something and not piss my mom off too much.. something like that. sakura came back from japan on sunday!! yay!! :) i can't wait to see all the cute stuff she bought me.. hehehehheh.

i was really good about not playing with my computer during the week, mostly because the internet wasn't set up and i was too lazy/tired to do it. saturday i got it working and now i am in trouble. i've been on the computer almost every night since then, and it delays my bedtime like always... so not good. i had the hardest time waking up this morning. argh. i can't wait until i get everything set up, my upgrading, external drives, software... it's kind of fun :) in that nerdy geeky kind of way. i also have to re-do my itunes so i can reconnect my ipod and reprogram that.. so i've been filling my brand new computer with useless junk.. for now. i'll delete it once i get it in my ipod.

it's been foggy and then rainy this week.. not so fun.. especially the fog.. it makes my commute even more hellish. i seriously think more and more about moving... but i gotta save money! soon.. soon. i hope. we'll see. i'm so.... indecisive. this week has been a good week so far though (and will be good to come with phillicita comin' to town!) last night was UBER fun.. i was so happy. i wrote this post on myspace, but i lost it! w.t.f. argh. but it's okay. last night was "acoustic on the rocks" at highland grounds... but what made it so special is the very awesome annie bethancourt and pete thurston came up from sandy eggo to play. loved it. lindsay, jeorge and yolanda also made the drive up, so i got to see them and hang out with them again.. it was so fun and carefree. when pete was playing i had this goofy smile on my face because i was just so giddy for no apparent reason. bopping along to the songs and just... having fun. no particularly outstanding reason ... just that they were there. i was bummed because i thought pete wasn't going to make it because he told me he was sick a few days before, but to my delight he made it. annie was beautiful as always, and her awesome family was there to support .. although i didn't get to talk to her much because she had to leave early, it is always wonderful to see her. she's awesome. and had a whole gang of fans! hearing them sing, being with good company.. loving it. pictures to come soon when i'm not being so lazy and it's not almost time to go home!!! but check out their websites (linked above) and myspaces (annie) (pete).. you can hear them in all their glory. you won't be sorry. ask pete(holiday).. i have good taste in music :)

*mmmm... the caterer just rolled his cart by with delish smelling stuff inside.. i hate this time of night! but yet i love it too.

Most likely if you were foolish enough to give me your email address, you've already received this... but my sister co-produced a movie IN THE REALMS OF THE UNREAL that comes out today! You should go see it :)

It's a documentary about this man named Henry Darger who is now a famous Outsider Artist. But he wasn't always that way. He was one of those people hardly anyone notices, born in an asylum, worked as a janitor and lived his life as a recluse. But when he died his landlord found over 300 paintings and a 15,000 page novel. His novel and drawings are brought to life on film through animation, the works reverberate with universal themes: the search for meaning, control, connection, moral direction. By juxtaposing Henry Darger's parallel but opposite universes, the film shows how he forged magic out of the bleakest of lives, leaving a legacy that has inspired other artists around the world.

It's a little sad, but really good. The director is an academy award winner and it's narrated by Dakota Fanning :) It's played at Sundance, Vancouver, Seattle and London Film Festivals and won Best Documentary in Vancouver. You should go check it out.. and to make it easier for you I cut and pasted some places that it's playing.. hopefully near you. :) But always always, check listings near you :)

Check out the website! www.realmsoftheunreal.com - there's trailers and clips and a lot more info :)

go see it see it see it!!

ps... if you live in LA
Hear more about the film from Q&As with the filmmakers in Los Angeles! Animation producer Kara Vallow will be talking about the film at a Q&A after the 7:30PM screening on January 21st at the Sunset 5 in Los Angeles, as well as after the 7PM screening on January 22nd at the Westside Pavilion along with animator Meher Gourjian.

pps. here are some reviews :)
ny times

sf chronicle

filmcritic.com

ny post


THEATERS and OPENING DATES

ARIZONA
Tucson- The Loft Cinema (opens Feb 22)

CALIFORNIA - NORTHERN
Arcata - Minor Theatre (opens March 4)
Berkeley - Act 1 & 2 (now playing)
Monterey - Osio Cinema (now playing)
Mountain View- Century Cinema 16
Sacramento - Crest Theatre (opens Feb 18)
San Francisco - Opera Plaza #3 (now playing)
Santa Cruz - Nickelodeon Theaters (opens Feb 18)

CALIFORNIA - SOUTHERN
Irvine- Edwards University 6 (opens Jan 21)
Los Angeles- Westside Pavilion Landmark Cinemas (opens Jan 21)
Pasadena- Laemmle One Colorado Theatre (opens Jan 21)
Santa Barbara - Plaza De Oro (opens Jan 28)
Santa Barbara- UCSB Arts & Lectures (opens Feb 22)
West Hollywood- Sunset 5 (opens Jan 21)

CONNECTICUT
New Haven- > York Square Cinema 1-2-3 (opens Jan 21)
Hartford- Real Art Ways (opens Feb 11)

DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA
Washington DC- Landmark E Street Cinemas (opens Feb 4)

FLORIDA
Boca Raton - > Crest Theatre (opens Feb 11)
Miami Beach - South Beach 18 (opens Feb 11)

GEORGIA
Atlanta - Midtown Art (opens March 4)

HAWAII
Honolulu- Doris Duke Theater (Feb 25-27)

ILLINOIS
Chicago- Music Box Theatre (opens Jan 21)
Evanston- Century Cinearts 6 (opens Jan 21)

MARYLAND
Baltimore - > Charles Theatre (opens Feb 4)
Bethesda- > Bethesda Row Landmark (opens Feb 4)

MASSACHUSETS
Amesbury- Stage 2 Cinema Pub (now playing)
Boston- Museum of Fine Arts (now playing)
Boston- Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum (Mar 19 only)
Boston- The Institute of Contemporary Art (Mar 20 only)
Dennis- Cape Cinema Theater (opens Jan 21)
Great Barrington - Triplex (opens Feb 4)

MICHIGAN
Detroit - Detroit Inst. of Arts (opens Feb 21)
Grand Rapids- Urban Institute for Contemporary Arts (opens Mar 4)

MISSOURI
Kansas City - Tivoli Manor Square (opens March 4)
St. Louis - Tivoli Theater (opens March 18)

NEW JERSEY
Montclair- Clairidge Cinemas (opens Jan 21)

NEW MEXICO
Santa Fe - The Screen (opens March 3)

NEW YORK
Huntington- Cinema Arts Center (opens Jan 21)
Ithaca- Cornell University Cinema (opens Feb 2)
Manhasset- Manhasset Theater Manhasset Theater (opens Jan 21)
New York City- Film Forum (now playing)
White Plains- Cinema 100 Twin (opens Jan 21)

TENNESSE
Nashville - Belcourt Theater (opens March 4)

TEXAS
Austin - Dobie Theater (opens Feb 11)
Dallas - Inwood 3 Theatres (opens Feb 11)
Houston- Museum of Fine Arts Houston (opens April 15)
San Antonio - Bijou at the Crossroads (opens Feb 11)

VIRGINIA
Fairfax- Cinema Arts Theatre (opens Feb 4)

WASHINGTON
Seattle- Varsity Theater (opens Jan 21)

WISCONSIN
Milwaukee - Oriental 3 Theatre (opens March 11)

my face hurts. i started out with just my head... like i put my sunglasses on this morning during my drive because now the rain has gone away and it's 80 degrees in january again. like it should be. jk. anyways.. either my skull has gotten bigger or something but it just didn't fit, and i guess they were squeezing against my temples too hard or something, but i got this massive headache. why don't you take off the sunglasses right? is that what you're saying? well i did... but my head still hurt. maybe my head hurt before, but that was just a catalyst to make it worse. when i got to work it just amplified, to my face and my jaw and i just feel like a basketcase. maybe i'm not getting enough sleep.. i need to start going to bed at like 10 or at least 11.

last night i spent some more time tidying, mostly so i could fit my new computer in my room. the initial over exuberance and rush has died and now i'm just trying to get "used to" having a mac. i've used macs plenty, at school, at my sister's at work - but it's a lot different owning one and trying to do different things on it. maybe i'm still a pc user at heart, but i was like "where is everything"? last night. once i get my additional harddrive, and more of the software that i want then i'll be better. plus once i can figure out how to connect it to the internet it will be good, but i just got a little too tired to fuss with it last night. it's still very pretty, very heavy and large and different. it's definitely a change.

last night my mom was also being super frustrating. one of the things that i hate most is that she dwells on the negative. i don't know if i comes from a place of "tough love" or thinking that pointing out what is wrong makes you improve faster - rather than "sugar coating" or "sweet talk"... but there are times when it's just too much. monday night i made cookies and pulled all the pots out of the oven where we store them. i left them out because i thought i was going to bake something else, but ended up not doing it. so my mom complained that i had left the pots out. so last night i got around to putting the pots back, and there was some extra stuff my mom put in there earlier that day, so they didn't quite fit the same way, but i rearranged a little and put everything back. my mom... i don't know why she looked at the over, maybe she needed a pot, maybe she was just checking up on me - but she starts berating me about how i didn't do it right, and how the big pots are in the wrong place, they're supposed to be on the bottom, blah blah blah. i tell her that they don't fit, and she argues that a casserole dish doesn't belong in the oven, and i tell her that's where it was before.. but this is all nonsense to her. she tells me that they're supposed to go at the bottom, and again i tell her they don't fit. and just like one of those "have to be right" all the time mothers on tv, she goes "oh yeah!?" (or maybe she just doesn't believe that i tried) she proceeds to put the pots on the bottom, shoving them in and bending the baking racks in the process. i should have just left them there, left her with damaged baking racks and stuck pots, so that the next time she wanted to get one it would be hard for her.. but she is stubborn and wouldn't learn anything.. and maybe it's my anal retentiveness or retarded guilt for being a "bad daughter" but i go to fix the pots, rearranging the baking racks and taking out the casserole dish. after i do that my mom says, " see why couldn't you just make them fit before." ARRGGGHHHH.. why didn't she do it? she just always wants things a certain way, but instead of doing it herself, or telling someone how she wants it (in a nice non yelling screaming hassling way) she'll either mess it up, so someone else has no choice but to fix it, get really angry and start tossing things around, or just starts yelling more, until you do it. it just creates three times more work for everyone else because nobody's way - except for hers is acceptable, even if the job is already done.

it was just really frustrating. i had to take a lot of deep breaths to get myself out of there. blah. i know my mom can be unreasonable sometimes... but do i provoke her further? are there things that i can do that aren't too tough that i can do to appease her? is there a way that i could be a better a daughter? i used to always think that i was just good already, and my mom was crazy. i don't think i'm the worst, but i'm certainly not the best. whatever... i dunno right now.. i can't think.

my head still really hurts. ugh.

i just called home and my computer has come already... YAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!

I'M SO STOKED.

so everyone's "invited" to the president of our company's birthday party - except me. well i was invited.. but i can't go because i'm chained to the desk. fun. it's okay i didn't need cake and soda and good times anyways :P i'll just listen to the laughter from here. jk. last week they were having a "wrap party" sort of.. kind of like playing loud music and drinking and afterwards they brought pizza and more drinks. i couldn't go to the social event during work hours.. but afterwards they were like "have some pizza!" but i couldn't because i had to go home to have dinner with my parents because it was their 30th wedding anniversary!! crazy huh?! :) and cute. i hear clapping, singing happy birthday and cheering.. i swear i'm not missing out on anything :P

so i didn't know it was my parent's wedding anniversary, let alone their 30th and my co-worker dubbed me "the worst daughter of the year." gee that's great thanks. but yea, so i had made plans to go out with some friends, and my mom that morning says "you're not coming home for dinner tonight?" and i'm like "no... why?" and my mom doesn't say anything. this should be clue #1, but i just think that my mom is trying to tighten my noose a little more so i trot off to work. later i call my sister to see if i can spend some time with her before i go out in santa monica, because i didn't want to drive home from venice and then back up to santa monica. my sister says "i'm going to go hang out with my parents on their 30th wedding anniversary".. me: "ohhh.. shit" are you kidding me?! plus. i didn't have my cell phone either - so i'm glad i called my sister to see if i could slum it at her house - or else i would have been toast. i re-arranged my plans and went home for dinner. i was scared that my mom would be angry, but i think she was glad that i had changed my plans and "chose" her over my friends or something like that.. or maybe i was just under the sheild of my sister.. but it was a nice night. we ate at home and the sat around and chatted for bit. it wasn't a big deal, but yet still very nice in the quality time kind of way :) it gave me warm fuzzies. after that i picked up carol, dropped off my sister, and was on our way to gotham hall. we like that place because the drinks are strong.. it puts even the stronger drinkers (we know at least) out.. well that is if they want to be of course :P nicole and luc were pretty "happy" by the time i got there... i'm not quite sure how much ryan, beth, paul or andy had.. but they seemed composed.. but carol and i decided to catch up and take 5 shots in 40 minutes... because we weren't "feeling it".. but oh did we feel it later. hah. i really didn't want to leave, but they closed, and then we went on a wild goose chase and finally ended up at norms for some sobering up food. i didn't realize by the time we were done it was like 4am. so much for being home early. but i didn't have work the next day and it was a 3 day week.. so why not huh? it put me out for the rest of the weekend though - i can tell you that. but i had a good time.. thanks nicole for your "need" to get out. :) you recognize my need before i even know i need it.

saturday i slept in, woke up, ate lunch, and took another nap. great huh? i was going to have a productive evening, but ended up just grabbing dinner and renting a movie instead. sunday was a "cleaning" day.. although it's more like reorganizing and shifting piles.. because my room isn't really clean.. but it's a "deep" clean.. from the inside out right? now my inside is all over my floor though. monday was supposed to be a clean day too.. but it was more a sit around and watch tv kind of day. i went to lunch with my parents, napped in the car, lazed at home, then went to costco and then it was night already! yikes... more tv and then some chores and then it was time for bed. the time just flies by.

yay.. they brought me birthday cake... and it's almost time to go home. there are only so many things on ebay i can bid on, so many times i can check my email and so many blogs to read. so update people, several times.. and give me some entertainment :) oh ps.. has anyone done traffic school online lately? do you have to do it in a certain amount of time? all in one sitting? i'm trying to figure out if it's something i can do while at work :) see.. i'm trying to be productive :)

guy at my work: "oh you have milk too"
me: "i'm a thinker"
guy: "that's quite the upgrade"
me: "and it's in a beer cup too"
guy: "now that's classy"

it's weird that i find solace in my blog, and that often i find comfort in typing things out into empty space. i guess not that weird, because people always love venting... and maybe it's the feedback or support or sympathy that people like when you vent. and yet i find comfort in something that gives me nothing back...but i'm just talking to myself.. but still it's like i'm talking to someone. and that i'm also not the only one who finds comfort this way... but one of many.

whenever i get really upset, i find this tendency to be drawn online. not to chat it up with anyone on aim, in fact i'd rather avoid them altogether. but i do have a weird curiousity to see who's online or what people are doing, via away messages. i guess i am just a big geek. i check my email or my blog to see if i've received any love, but mostly i am often let down. although the spam companies seem to like me a lot.

it's hard to constantly feel like you owe everything to everyone. or that you'll never be enough. and i'm not the type to keep score or keep count but i do remember. i know that someone owes me something, but i don't make a big deal out it because i figure, hey.. you'll get me next time. but to some people it doesn't work that way. they easily forget the things you've done for them, and focus on what you haven't done and what you owe them. they berate you for not communicating with them and for not coming to you, when they do the exact same thing. maybe they think that they don't owe you anything, or what you've done for them is insignificant, or maybe that's what you're supposed to be doing anyways. well it's all crap. and i'm not perfect, i'm sure i take people a lot for granted all the time. i try not to, it's not intentional, but i guess it's just human nature. there are some things though... that seem too petty to be counting, but guess what - people still do.

people suck though, or maybe i do. i have friends, i have people i love, and hopefully i have people who love me. but there are those people who can make you feel like absolute shit sometimes. there are people who could give a crap less who are you. people who are your "friends" but not your friends. people who are your friends when it's convenient for them. people who hang out with you when there isn't a better option around. people who love you but still make it all about them. people who ask too much, and get angry when you can't possibly deliver.

you know what i hate... i hate when someone does something nice for you, and then throws it back in your face. if you do someone a favor, or something nobody asked you to do in the first place, but you insisted... don't come back and say "well i did 'this and this' for you.. and you never did anything for me/paid me back" guess what... i don't owe you shit. i've done favors for you before, changed my life to be there for you, gone out of my way to make you happy and i'm not complaining. i'm happy to do those things for you, because i know that it'll be good for you... i don't keep track of the times i've made you smile so you should return that favor. i guess i just assume that if people do something for you that it comes from the goodness of their heart, but no... people always expect something in return. people don't like it when you use their stuff, but don't mind if they use yours. i guess what i learned in high school econ is true - TNSTAAFL. and nobody ever lets you forget it.

what a stupid ho.

not only does ashlee simpson have to suck, but she's got to blame it on everyone else. what a biatch. if she thinks that crowd booed because she was rooting for usc, then she's dumber than her sister.

so i got this survey from pete... is it the friday 5 or just some random thing.. i don't really know. but it looked interesting.. and i had nothing better to do and pete "passed the stick" to me knowing that i needed something to occupy my precious time. how nice of him eh? this was actually harder than i thought since i don't listen to music as much as i used to.. mostly in my car or at the gym.. so.. here goes.

1. What is the total amount of music files on your computer?
well i'm not on "my" computer now. at home maybe one or two hundred. i don't load all of my cd's onto my computer... but i do have quite a few songs.. maybe i'll correct this number once i get home. plus i wiped my computer clean of all the songs when i thought the riaa was after me :P

2. The cd you last bought is:
keane - hopes and fears. wow that was a long time ago.

3. What is the song you last listened to before reading this message?
dammit - blink 182

4. Write down 5 songs you often listen to or that mean a lot to you:
be be your love - rachael yamagata
toxic - britney spears (it's my ringtone :P)
sleeping to dream - jason mraz - java joe's jan 04 with pete version :)
i'm not okay - my chemical romance
true - ryan cabrera

*these songs change fairly often... i don't have any songs that "mean" anything to me.. not yet anyhow. maybe remind me of certain things. and i like to go through phases of being really obsessed with a certain song for awhile, and then not. it's a constant cycle. i have a lot of songs i like, and a lot of songs i listen to fairly often. these are the current ones i suppose. and are often limited to the songs on my itunes since i haven't really been updating it lately.

5. Who are you going to pass this stick to? (3 persons) and why?
philly - i'm sure she will have great answers
nicole - i'm not sure she'll do it, but she's one person for sure who i know reads my blog :)
beth - she may not catch this post, and she might not do a "dumb survey" either but she will have good answers as well.

so i am scared and excited all at the same time. i just finalized the order and gave up my credit card number for my new computer. ack!! it's my first big purchase by myself. a small investment i suppose... am i really growing up? or is this just my shopping habits taking over. i can "justify" it and say that it's an investment for a future career path... so i hope it works out well :) i am excited to be the new owner of a brand new computer that wasn't refurbished or used or a hand me down and it'll be all mine. i am paying for it all at once (well after i pay my credit card bill) which is going to severely drain my savings account... so i better start bringing my lunches (when i'm not getting them free of course :P) and not go out as much. i should start picking up extra shifts and call my managers at the gap again. do i want to work 7 days a week? maybe i have to, to cover this deficit. although that's what "savings" are for... i just will have to recouperate. i will spend my time healing it front of the glow of my new 20 inch monitor :P i think i'm gonna name it. hehe.

the downside is that i will probably use the itunes on that system.. instead of my dad's computer (which is dying because he tries to pretend he knows how to fix computers but can't) and since apple has made it that you can only sync up your ipod with one computer (to prevent music pirating) i will have to re-do all of my stuff on my ipod. oh well.. sounds like a good new hobby :P

but in other exciting news i got my first paycheck today! of course not my "first" ... but my "first" from my first "real" job! whoooooo!! it's a little exciting :) okay.. it's a lot exciting. i get excited easily over little things :) it's also more than i expected and more than my last job.. which is always pleasant on both counts. we get paid bi-weekly though so my next paycheck won't be for another 2 weeks, but will be double the amount this week. my question is, does that mean they will take more taxes out because it's a higher total amount and thus resulting percentage is more? or do the realize that it's over two weeks and they just take out your earnings of each week and then add them together? is my next paycheck going to be double this amount? or a little less. can some of my smart successful more knowledgeable friends help me out here? be good for something besides making me feel bad :P

anyways.. a little while ago i was b-o-r-e-d. my boss walked by and i put on my best "i'm not bored" face.. but he just came to chit chat and ask me how i was. he asked me if it was as slow as he warned me, and i smiled and said yes. but he's really nice and cool about it so it makes it okay, if not better. he told me that he thought i was doing really well, and that he was glad that i was here. so that was nice. positive reinforcement is always great... my mom should learn that :P but i do know that there is a better pay off in the end.. and i am learning things.. like last night i went to a script reading and gave feedback.. and that was kind of exciting. although i did feel very intimidated surround by "industry" folk who probably actually "really" knew what they were talking about, opposed to my *nsync loving, gap wearing, mainstream pop culture views :P but I AM the target audience. jk. but it was neat. i just didn't want to be the overly talkative "new girl" who answers the phones but thinks she knows everything. i am belittling myself a little too much here... but you all know what i mean. i learned what a "bake off" is, i learned about different producers and production companies, and i'm learning how to effectively screen calls :P hopefully.

yay.. six more minutes and then i get to go home and face the wrath of my mother :P she is being a real pain in the ass lately. hopefully i can go home and keep my temper in check and be the great responsible loving daughter and clean and wash dishes and all that other junk. be sweet, make her happy, and she won't be so grouchy won't treat me too horribly on saturday, when i don't come home tomorrow night because i'm whoring it up.. i mean, "out" with nicole :P i will probably under house arrest all weekend "cleaning" and being bitched out.. so feel free to call and try to save me and my sanity. i know my mom has the best intentions... but sometimes she's so demanding and overbearing and a little ridiculous. argh.. okay. *happy thoughts... breathe, smile.

have a good day kiddos! and although it's not raining it's furrreezing cold.. i don't know what's better. it wasn't this cold when it was raining though.. that's for sure.

so i was surfing the apple website.. and lo and behold i found this!

this thing looks pretty hot. it's an ipod shuffle. and kind of ike the ipod, but smaller and more affordable. and it "shuffles" so that it always plays your songs in a different random order (and you don't know the song because there is no screen).. so you don't get the handy option of playing whatever song you feel like.. i think you can still probably sort them by like playlists and what not.. but it's so tiny!! apparently it's smaller than a pack of gum and lighter than car keys. i think that's awesome. it doesn't quite have as many cool features, but if you just want something that plays music... this is you.

hah... and no i'm not being paid by apple to post this.. i'm just a huge dork like that.

but yea.. so i was surfing the apple site because i think i'm going to actually commit to getting the iMac. i emailed what specs i wanted to my "dealer" and consultants :P and hopefully i'll get it soon. i need to clean up my pig sty of a room and house so that i can make room for my new baby. i was inspired by beth's new baby, her power mac.. and she has more power and a dual processor.. but i'm hoping that my learning process needs will all be handled by the iMac. i'm not quite as high end as beth yet :P i'll get there.. and i hope by that time there will be some bigger badder computer out there to waste my money on. and that 30 inch cinema display :P apple also came out with this mac mini, which is like the size of a thick discman almost but it's a whole computer! for pretty cheap too. i still think the iMac is sexier... so that is the road i'm traveling. who wants me to do videos for them?! i need practice... i may still only be learning.. but i'm awesome.. i swear :P i'm excited now.

so have i posted before about how i love going over to the commercials building when i cover the other girl for her lunch? i never realized how posh it is over there. their bathroom is all nice and furniturized. but the most exciting thing is that often i get free lunch. they get lunch brought in or catered a lot, and so i get to reap the benefits, which is nice :) (i'm such a food whore) ... so last week i got two free meals, and then i got free lunch today. i could have had free lunch yesterday but i wasn't feeling the portabello panini. anyhoo.. today i was all stoked because there was this huge chocolate cake.. and i said i'd get a when it was my lunch time. there was a lot left, so i had no worries. i went on my break and grabbed a plate for the cake and this guy grabbed these tongs and took the very last piece.. right in front of me!! it was a big piece too.. i totally thought he was going to cut it in half or something. i didn't say anything and i tried to be sly like "oh i was just going for more spaghetti".. either way he didn't notice (or care) because he walked off with MY cake. grr.. i was so looking forward to that too. boo. the janitor said i should have fought the guy for the cake... maybe something like joey tribbiani style. hahah.. that would have been funny... but i'm too passive for that. doh!

"i have a fire in my pants, can you come put it out?"

that is my new favorite line from jen schefft of the new bachelorette show. how i love that show now.. and i how i love jen schefft. can i be her? just for a day? hhaha.. well.. i would have preferred during the andrew firestone days.. but seriously.. how cute were they and how cute is she? i really like some of the guys though.. my early favorites are ben and mike.. and jerry because he's cute.. but he's so that guy. :P it was also really sad that this one guy fainted during the rose ceremony. he's a fairly decent looking guy... a little quirky looking around the eyes.. maybe they're really deep set or something. but i bet he's used to getting a lot of ladies. but the camera man (and editor) kept showing close ups of his face and making him seem really nervous. and then he fainted.. probably because he locked his knees.. or just stopped breathing or something.. but man.. you felt so bad for him. and you would think maybe jen would feel bad for him and pick him instead of the horny french guy fabrice or the scary stalker fan stu. but she didn't... it's okay.. i doubt she would have ended up with him. there were a lot of guys from LA and san diego.. like close to me too.. manhattan beach.. etc etc. and i'm all "where are these 'wonderful' guys around here?" but then again i don't look like jen schefft. there's also this surfer guy keith.. who her friends (decoyed as spies) picked as their "first impression rose" and he's totally the surfer guy from encinitas. and he totally looks it to.. i can't really explain.. but his face is just... so.. san diego :P. anyways..i totally gushed when they showed the preview of this season.. i'm such a nerd!

but you know.. girls are all the same.. or maybe it's just the mindset we're all in right now. but everywhere i go.. at work, at the mall, at the gym... people are ALL talking about weightloss.. it is the new fad. or is it here to stay? i mean.. losing weight has always "been in" but now it's just crazy obsessive. at work these girls are always talking about it.. and at the gym these girls were talking about their "points" .. "oh did you use your flex points? did you know you get points for working out? oh you shouldn't have told me that so i would think that i didn't have that many points! i had a zone bar and it was SIX POINTS.. can you believe that?" i think it's funny that we are totally consumed with it.. which is good because i also noticed that kids are a lot heavier today than they used to be.. and hopefully that's not the trend of the future. and really.. i can't complain because i'm totally like that sometimes. but where as i just thought it was me, but it's not, it's everyone! and how everyone is so forward about it. it's almost like josie and the pussycats brainwashing how everyone is points this, personal trainer that, low carb everything.. blah blah blah... losing weight is the new pink.

*although i overheard this lady (talking about how she lost weight in australia because she walked everywhere despite eating italian food everyday).. saying that she tried low carb pasta... and how it tasted like cardboard... i can only imagine :P

speaking of which.. the biggest loser finale is on tonight!! i want to see what the people look like... that guy chris lost a LOT of weight.. so i guess he "deserves" to be the biggest loser.. but are they going to do it on pure weightloss? i mean.. it's kind of unfair to do half of it by voting people off, and then the rest by weightloss. i say they do it survivor style and have the old people come back and vote for who "deserves" it the most. and next week is the reunion where you get to see all the people. would you go on that show? is a possible $250,000 and weight worth lots of public humiliation and your flab exposed to the world? but i guess if you actually make it to the end and you lose all the weight, then you're not really embarassed anymore and you can laugh about it. plus you get all those free clothes :P

goooood morning! so i survived my first week of work and now i'm back. it'll be the first week by myself so.. i think i'm ready.. here goes. i did make one mistake this morning.. i forgot to turn on the lamp by my desk. oops. it really serves no purpose in lighting ... but does make things look nicer. that's one thing i kept forgetting all last week, so i gotta remember that! other than that.. it's not too bad.

i need to get used to working a lot though.. most of last week if i didn't have anything to do, i'd just come home, eat dinner and then pss out by like 8pm or 8:30pm. now all of my friends are calling me grandma. tuesday i went ice skating with jill (ice skating is A LOT harder than i remember) and afterwards we went out to eat a tgifriday's.. kind of a like pre birthday celebration. it was a lot of fun, chit chatting, and we had a funny funny waiter.. plus it was 1/2 off appetizers.. so that was good :) but i stayed up untl midnight.. so i don't have to sleep so early.. but if there's nothing better to do.. i just take a nap.. that turns into me sleeping until the next morning. friday we went out for jill's official birthday celebration (although her bday was on wednesday) and we went to joe's crab shack. it was really yummy, and even though i had to work the hardest to eat my food (crab).. it was well worth it. :) they made jill dress up it all sorts of funny things and "swim" around the restaurant.. although by the time they made her do it there wasn't anyone left.. so it seemed kind of blah :P it was still fun, we couldn't quite decide what to do afterwards, so we went back to jill's, played with her uber cute dog, chibi, and i passed out on her couch and called it a night :P

saturday was fun, our family trekked over to my sister's house where she said she'd cook us breakfast, but i ended up doing most of the cooking :P i even burned myself :( but afterwards we just vegged and i watched the amazing race and celebrity poker showdown (boo.. michael vartan lost) until it was time to go to work. work was good... i didn't mess up despite not having scorekept for like a month, so i was happy for that. :) went home and spent a lonely night by myself :( my parents went out and my friends were working or out of town or not answering their phones or something.. and i really wanted someone to go to coldstone's with but didn't have the "right" person to call. boo.. oh well.. i hung out with my friend tivo and it was a good time :P no one really wants to go out in the rain anyways.

sunday i didn't have to go to work since the rink was "too humid" the kids would slip and fall so instead of waking up and being productive i slept in until 2pm. oops. :P that'll mess up my sleeping schedule. my parents had already gone out again and so i just hung out by myself... again :P but this time i was smart and made dinner plans with keri (who i totally flaked on last time) so i owed her a tofu dinner date and her christmas present. which she totally enjoyed.. so yay! the tofu was okay... we're not going back to that restaurant.. we'll have to hit up the other ones.

it started really coming down now.. everyone's commenting on how hard it's raining, taking pictures of the waterfalls off the roof. it wasn't really raining over here this morning, but now it's ridiculously wet. and it's supposed to be like this until tomorrow. the traffic report this morning was all "this freeway is closed and this passage is closed and there's a depression in the road caused by the rain so only 1 lane is open." yikes. we californians are so easily amused and upset :P i'm not looking forward going over to the commercials building. sure it's only across the street.. but my pants will get all wet from the flooding and my head will get all wet with the rain. aiya. good thing i wore my bright yellow rubber rain jacket. it rocks :)

i can't believe it.

they were supposed to stay together forever, and have beautiful babies. but this validates everything tabloids say.. and almost makes them seem so smart. what's next... jennifer garner really is pregnant? jessica and nick are breaking up? it can't be. is hollywood this fickle.. or is it just a reflection on how society really is. do people get together and break up this easily? i'm going to be so sad if nick and jessica break up. i say it's ashlee's fault. :P

"not cool but definitely not hip"



I am nerdier than 32% of all people.

oh yea... happy birthday jill!!! and connie :)

this is funny and sad all at the same time.

there are six others, but i thought this was the funniest.

so i found this, and i thought it was pretty funny. i was looking for it, because i was trying to find an article or discussion forum about how ashlee simpson got booed at the orange bowl halftime show. hahaha.. i wish i could have seen it.. did they show that part on tv? i mean..on the radio they said she probably wasn't lip syncing since she sounded pretty awful. but you know.. i thought that on SNL... maybe she just always sounds awful. hah... that's funny that she got booed.. sad for her though i guess. i don't know, why is she so dislikeable? so who wants to get this for me? it's the ashlee simspon karaoke edition ipod.

check out the description.. i think that's the funniest part :)

whoo hoo!! 26 more minutes. the day passes by pretty quickly. maybe because i have more to do, or the job is still new so i'm stil excited about it. the upside to getting off later is that i'm not stuck in gazillions of traffic with all the people who get off at 5.

so the other day i had lunch with my high school buddies at grand lux cafe. apparently it is a sister restaurant of cheesecake factory. i am in the dark because i had never been there, let alone heard of it, but everyone else knew about it and really liked it. it's pretty nifty, and huge... i can't believe i've never noticed it the few times i've been at the beverly center before (twice?) but it's pretty cool.. i am glad that ann picked me up and drove, becaue i probably would have gotten so lost! the food was pretty yummy, although i didn't get "the best pasta ever" as suggested to me (some twirly pasta with garlic sauce i think? that's definitely my choice next time i go though!) it was a lot of fun to see old friends, talk about this and that, and i even got a christmas present! :) now i'm really intrigued by this grand lux place. i want to go all the time.. heheh and i hear their desserts are super fab. who wants to go again?!

hmm.. what else. i'm think i'm going ice skating tonight! i'm not sure if it's free or if i get a discount (because i work there)... hopefully.. but if not i don't think it's that expensive. i want to go before i have to work on tuesday nights again because they only have public skating tues & saturdays. i'm kind of excited.. i hope i don't suck.. or fall. i haven't been ice skating in a long long time.. i think not since that one key club dcm at the pvmall. i mean. i've been on ice playing broomball and junk for cki or whatever.. but skating is different. i'll just have to not go so fast.

apparently this area where my work is isn't the best, well more like between a not so nice, and nicer aread.. but i came across this homeless lady as i was walking home from lunch. i wouldn't say i have a "fear" of homeless people.. but i don't know.. there is just something that i feel bad for not giving them money or i don't really know.. but today she asked if i had spare change, and i said no.. because that's what your "supposed" to do right? i mean.. everyone knows it's a lie (except for the times i have no cash.. which is often).. and i feel a little mean.. like "why don't you help someone out" but at the same time i also feel like i work hard for the money, i can't just give it out. but then i feel selfish. then she asked if i had leftovers, which of course i had the box in my hand. i couldn't just lie and say "no" but i am always okay with giving homeless people food, because that's beneficial and you know it's not going to drugs or alcohol. that is the golden rule as far as i've been told. so i don't know why i'm typing this... maybe just because i'm bored and wanted a story to tell. it's not like it made me feel super warm and fuzzy or anything, in fact i felt a little bad just because a)it was leftovers and b) i was almost glad giving it away because it wasn't the best.. (i had already eaten most of the parts i enjoyed.. leaving mostly veggies :P) so i dunno. last time we went to olive garden we had leftover pasta from the neverending pasta and jeff gave it to a guy standing outside. i dunno... this story has no point really.. just rambling. nine more minutes!! :)

hello from work, day two. so apparently in between phone calls, packages, more phone calls and other random requests i will have tons of free time on my hands. which.. can be a good thing.. once i feel more comfortable - maybe i can start to lurk and see if there's anything else i can do. one thing i'm not terribly kean on today is that the girl who is training me is not here... so today is kind of a sink of swim kind of day. there's some other people who could possibly sit with me and hold my hand, but this isn't their position, so they have other things that need to be done - so it's just me. i get to go over to another department and cover another girl for lunch and i'll have about 1 hour worth of training for that..so.. um yay? it's a little overwhelming.. and sure i only get better by doing it.. so i'm a little unsure - but i am learning, and hopefully it'll all be gravy soon :P

new year's was okay :P i got into yet another fight with my mom. i think they are timed around holidays... when i'm feeling good and relaxed... boom.. angry yelling matches. i spent the day locked in my room cleaning and being a sulking teenager, how nice :P but.. i did watch a lot of sex and the city.. in fact, i spent around 4 days or so cleaning and watching (mostly watching) and watched seasons 1, 2 and half of 3 :P philly would be proud. it's so addicting... but i keep rotating what box sets i'm watching - which is sometimes spurred by which one i've bought most recently and not watched. so i got season 6 part 2 and since i haven't watched any of it.. i thought i'd pop them in. the only sucky part is that they don't play all at once - so each time the episode ends i have to go back to the menu and push play again, and since i lost my remote i always have to stop what i'm doing to go to the player. i guess this is the one time where i'm glad my room's not that big :P

celebrated new year's eve with dinner at todai with the family... i was on the phone locked in my room, and they left without me... but i went and joined them later.. which was good, because my mom lightened up a little and i guess since i "took the first step" then she didn't have to grimace through the whole dinner or be mad at me for a few days. afterwards i met up with vivian, josh and HT at henessey's. i had to pay a cover since i got there later (boo) but it was okay.. i don't think i paid for any of my drinks :) the only sucky part was i totally missed the new year. i was standing up, champagne in hand, and people were screaming.. but i didn't hear any counting! and then people started screaming louder and drinking and we were all like huh? and looked at our cell phones and it was already midnight. oops. after that we walked for a long long time because we didn't really feel like fighting the tons of people trying to get the 2 cabs that were driving by. that's the sucky part about the non-mass transportationess of LA. especially where i had just come back from taiwan where it is so easy to catch a cab, hop on the bus or MRT or something. we walked for a long long time, and finally caught a cab (after it was dropping people off.. because it was the HARDEST thing to try and stop cabs, cabs without people in them wouldn't stop. cabs with people in them had their lights on still.. and one cab we finally got to stop wouldn't take us.. i don't really know why, but someone else hopped in the car and he took off even though vivian said she'd pay twice his fare. how shady is that?! it's almost like the amazing race or something.

new year's day was a little uneventful, cleaning... i didn't even watch the rose parade! i watched a little bit of it, but got kind of bored.. so i just watched sex and the city :P did some returning to a pretty uncrowded mall and chillaxed at home. sunday i was cleaning some more and then went to a referee's hockey game at my work.. it was kind of funny, kind of boring. i went just because i thought i "should" go.. and suck up or be social or whatever.. i didn't really know who a lot of the people were on the ice.. especially if they were wearing cages. at the "after party" decorated by some of the ref's wives (it was so cute!) i had some yummy home baked cookies and brownies and rice krispy treats. i left early so i could go hang out with beth & co. at 501... yay for smoky fobby korean karaoke places :P it was fun though and we sang rap, metal, songs from movies and 80's.

i am still on sort of a weird sleep schedule. i don't think it's jet lag.. but normally when i could sleep forever.. i will only be able to sleep 7-8 hours and won't be able to go back to sleep to save my life. which sucks. and then i get soooo tired so early. last night after i got home from work i ate dinner and then "rested my eyes" this morning i woke up at 4am and couldn't go to sleep, so i watched some tv, then went to the gym, took my time eating breakfast, showered, and then drove to work. i was a little early again today, but not 30 minutes which is good. plus there was more traffic so i had a better gauge of exactly how long it would take. the good thing about this whacked out sleep schedule is that i am on time or early to work.. when i was deathly afraid of not being able to wake up at all. plus i am more productive in the morning instead of dragging my half awake sorry butt around. the down side is that i am in bed by like 8pm. so when i start working hockey games again and have to be up until midnight.. that might be a problem :P but today i'm going ice skating with the girls so this can be a good test of my ability to stay up. hopefully when i have stuff to do it's easier to be up.

it's still raining like crazy! we just had a spurt of really hard rain for like 10 minutes.. it was crazy. the rain is also deterring me from doing my laundry, because i don't want to go outside - even though it's covered it gets kind of wet.. yuck. plus it's freezing cold, and that's never any fun... unless your inside, with hot chocolate, a blanket and pajamas. there was a huge accident on the freeway yesterday.. and it was weird because as i was passing it (on the other side) i got really sad and almost started to cry. yikes.. so.. stay safe when you're driving in the rain okay?! be careful babies.. love you!

so right now i'm thinking... if i had stayed at my temp job.. i would be off of work right now :P but it's a trade off. sucky job - less hours, better job - more hours. so i guess i can't complain. in fact, i really have no complaints. i was all freaked out about so many things, and i still am a little, but hopefully i will get the hang of things. at least i don't have to take any tests like nicole! haha.. my boss' watchful eye and semi-constant checking ups are a little intimidating though :P

soo.. my new job. i left early today, but i didn't have a difficult time waking up or anything - which is surprising. so i got to take my sweet time getting ready, and also driving here - which there wasn't a lot of traffic, even with the rain. for a certain stretch of the freeway it seemed almost completely empty! i arrived like 30 minutes early.. but it was the weirdest thing like i started to feel really sick. i don't think it was my nervousness or maybe i was hungry, but i started to feel like i was hungover or something... i was going to puke. i parked my car under a tree around the corner of my building, ate an orange i brought as a snack and thankfully it subsided... but i definitely did not feel good.

today is good, i got my badge, processed paperwork, and starting learning the ropes. it's hard because this job isn't about just teaching you wht you need to know.. but it's easier to learn as you go, but i don't know how long the girl is able to sit next to me while i do stuff. like there's so many different things that could happen, but you can't really go through them all.. so i just have to hope that a lot of things happen enough so i learn!

okay.. well this post has taken longer than i expected.. and now it's time to go home.. will post more later!