i can't buy myself something nice with my "fat" overtime filled paycheck because the freaking government took ONE THOUSAND dollars out for taxes. what the heck! boo. and then i had to pay my mucho expensivo rent. i almost start to cry every month when i cut that check.

oh well... i'll get a few nice things for the impending birthday (hint hint) :P jk

soooo.. i know it's been awhile. and even longer since a "real" post.. but i think i might be making a return to blogger. which might be even better if random people/people i don't like are reading it cuz they think i don't blog anymore. i know really that the point of writing in public is for people to read it - but sometimes.. i dunno. anyways.. that's not the point.

i just want to say - in a not so public place - that i'm slightly sad about my work halloween party this year. i pretty much was in charge/helped plan the whole thing.. and while i definitely did not do it all by myself, i think i did a big portion of the conception and organizing of it. people have been complimenting me, and saying how awesome it was, which is great, and i'm glad. (yea.. i reeeallly don't take compliments well.) but the more i think about it, and the more pictures i see.. it makes me kind of sad. i planned this really awesome thing with all this awesome stuff and all the things i like and i didn't get to enjoy any of it. i mean.. that is my fault in the poor planning sense. while the party is over without any casualties or major blows, if i had prepped better i maybe could have enjoyed the party more instead of running around the entire time making sure things were right. i honestly didn't have a single ounce of fun, and really that has no correlation to me having not a single ounce of alcohol. and, it's not like i had a bad time, i just didn't have a good time because i was working the whole time. i didn't get to hang out with any of my friends, non of my co-workers, didn't get to eat a bacon wrapped hot dog, didn't take any photobooth pictures, didn't get to listen to the band, didn't get to dance and didn't get to flirt with the hot bartenders or go-go dancers. okay.. so the last one i would have survived without (maybe) but all the rest. i REALLY wanted to do. i planned this party with all the stuff i love and hand picked, and i can't very well bring it back next year (if i'm even planning).. so.. what gives? if the party was so intensely awesome, i'm that much more sad i didn't get to enjoy it. this might be the one case where making a ton of other people happy doesn't really make me happy. and while the flood of compliments and thank you's is always appreciated, it doesn't help that i didn't get to enjoy any of it. and not really just the "fun" aspects.. but i see in pictures the decoration and the atmosphere and i didn't get to take in any of that.. because i was so focused on getting through the crowd to problem #x. i need to lay off "serious work mode jean" and find middle ground. i know i'm whining, and maybe i'll go buy something nice for myself with my next paycheck of the 90 hours i put in last week to make myself feel better, but i'm still not gonna get any of those things i said above back. expect another spell of sadness when the photobooth pictures come online and i see everyone having way too much fun, in the super cute photobooth pictures and i'm not in any of them. i think that's the one that makes me the most sad. boo. oh well.. next time right? and i could have way worse problems.

outside: looks humongous!
(that's what she said)

inside: hot bartenders + fake fire (awesome!) is never a bad combination.. too bad go-go dancers are not also in this picture

oh, here they are (minus one girl)... helloooooooo.

*images stolen from andrea

soooooo.. my sister tagged me in this "tell me 7 things that i probably don't know" although.. the only people who really read this blog, probably know anything that i would post on the internet anyways.. so i really have no clue what to say.

ummmm...

yea.. i'm going to have to think about this one :P

minus negativity = positivity right? that's the way it works. anyways.. i've been trying to do this for awhile - and each time i just get sucked back in. back into the drama, the pettyness and the shit talking. i'm gonna try to stop. yea.. sounds like an impossible feat right? i friggin gripe about everything... mostly because i think people are idiots, because they are... but i wonder if keeping it too myself or trying to not let it bug me will be good for me? or drive me insane.

similarly - i've been wondering if oh so my passive aggressive nature hurts or helps me. there are times when it's definitely better to hold your tongue, but i do it so often. i often don't tell people what i actually think, mostly because it's mean. today a friend asked me why i was doing a certain thing that i knew would be an issue, and i just didn't say anything because well my answer was simply that "i didn't care." oops.. my bad. sometimes i just wanna be selfish. everyone else is, why can't i? sometimes i just wanna be mean, be selfish and be okay with it. that last part is the hardest.

sometimes i also want to be fake. not fake in the way that is really super duper fake .. but be able to control my emotions better. not get so emotional or get so attached or take things so personally. it's hard for me to have superficial conversations, or talk to people i don't like/annoyed with about things i don't care about with a straight face. sometimes it's a bored face, sometimes it's a "you're stupid" face, and most of the time it's the "i'm not listening" face... then people think that i don't like them, and then don't like me because of it.. blah blah blah.. never good for any situation. not sure really how to deal.

one more tangent - caring too much. sometimes to seem as if i don't care that much (when i really actually do) i act really aloof. because i don't want to get hurt? because i want to be cool? because i don't want to seem too dorky? i don't know. and i can't tell whether that drives more interest in, or if it drives people away. probably a 50/50... but after awhile people get sick of it. except for the people who really care or know you. maybe i just need to cut everyone else out.

as you can tell i'm in a super duper mixed up place. about work, friends, roommates, boys, life, etc. today someone asked me twice if i was okay because i seemed out of it, beaten down and overwhelmed. i thought i was doing an okay job today of trying to get it done.. i didn't think i looked that ragged. it's nice that someone noticed though i guess. i've even signed off aim these past 2 weeks so i wouldn't be bothered. mostly i'm avoiding certain people, but it's good on a whole because i'm more productive, less distracted. and yet i still don't seem to get anything done.

staying up til 3am probably isn't helping me either.

so lately i've been having a tough time with my job. today wasn't one of those days. ok.. it kind of was... but the hours of 12:30pm-3:30pm today made up for it. you wanna know why? because i saw brad pitt. and he was beautiful. i mean.. not beautiful in the same way like the time that i saw scott speedman, because scott speedman is prettier. brad pitt is rugged manly. and although he doesn't tower over you like you think he would, he is hott. (two t's) i saw him a few times today.. once with weird green paint all over his face, and he was still good looking. and he was wearing a wife beater. i appreciate nice shoulders and backs. very much so. later on i saw him with no paint on. oh mylanta. i lost my train of thought both times when he walked in the vicinity and i did that whole thing where you are pretending not to notice him, but everyone knows you're secretly staring at him in your peripheral vision, especially because the idiot grin on my face gives it away. it was almost as good as the time i saw JT.. it should probably be better because i was closer for a longer period of time.. but JT is bundled in with the *nsync first love. it does rank higher than the time i drooled all over michael vartan though... but i was probably more giddy then. this time i had to at least pretend to be professional while i squealed on the inside.

today... i love my job.

heheheheh.. i did some hunting. this makes me laugh :)








how did they get inside again?!

but she does look really pretty! :)

so i think i might die... and i also think i am probably being over-dramatic
.. but just in case i'm posting this anyways. long story short i got punched in the head. i'm a little afraid that i might have a concussion - and for the most part i might be fine... but i'm afraid that i might be a little stupider .. or i might lose some skill set .. or my vision might get worse than it already is (i got punched on the left side right by my eye) or that i might go to sleep and not wake up. scary.

anyways.. in case that happens - i just wanted to write one last post. tell my friends and family i love them. tell beth that she can have my jason mraz cd's, nicole and ann can share my *nsync stuff, and i'd split up the rest of my stuff but i have way too much crap, and i don't care that much (a symptom of the concussion or probably just my apathy). i'm sure my friends can figure out who gets what.. or they'll just dump it all. maybe donate it. that would be good.

ok.. i was probably gonna write more.. maybe some messages.. but the apathy/concussion is taking over again and plus i don't like to talk about feelings/be too mushy anyways.

how creepy is this blog if i actually don't wake up tomorrow?

but now since i said it it's not going to come true.

wow.. i'm retarded.

happy birthday to my big sister joan! yay!!!

i don't know what my problem is, but i swear i cannot go to bed early anymore. and i can't wake up on time. it's a pressure thing. there's a lot less pressure, so i slack, and maybe i'm getting a little bored, which can equal careless. blech.

anyways.. this is what i came to do.


i am officially obsessed. and today.. i just figured out why. the first time i had pinkberry.. i thought it was a little weird.. very yogurty tasting. sort of like those asian yogurt drinks... which i like.. but is not the same as ice cream. a couple weeks later i thought - hey.. i feel like yogurty.. and had some since there's one near my work. right after i finished.. i wanted more. badly. i think i suggest we go there everyday... not that i can always get there - but i talk about it a little bit and think about it even more. hahaha. today.. i had it for lunch .. well lunch pre-snack because my stomach was being a little wiggy and i couldn't handle real food at the designated lunch hour (i had real lunch at 3:30). anyways... today while i was eating my pinkberry and perusing shoes, it hit me. pinkberry now reminds me of ice monster. maybe the condensed milk taste is similar to yogurt. or it's all the fruit.. but i am in love!!

so i'm freaking out a little (as usual).. i wormed my way into my friend's short film. i thought i would just be a glorified PA or something.. and then through being in the right place/right time - and the fact that i'm awesome i got handed AD responsibilities - sort of.. just fill in stuff, and now i'm going to cut the piece. crazy! i'm freaking out a little because these are industry people with high tech gadgets and expectations and while i'm good, i'm not technical, and that's part of being fantastic. some guy's career is riding on this, and i'm... yikes. anyways.. i guess i better bone up. lots of internet research. lets see those $2000 i paid for my classes pay off. hahaha. it's good timing though. i'm just coming off pirates/insane crazy work hours, so while i'll still be working 45-50 hrs/week it won't be 70. i'll be able to use those extra hours for this. so still staying busy.. but different busy. not that staying up unitl 3am is helping me (damn you DST.. it'd still be 2am if it wasn't for you..)

new jobby starts tomorrow. a little freaked, but not that worried, because my old boss is awesome. maybe i'm beginning to border on the edge of over confident - which is bad. so i gotta reel it in. i'm training my replacement in the morning and then being trained in the afternoon. hope it goes well. i'm going back to using an apple at work - so i hope all my windows skills don't go down the toilet since that's all i have at home - but i still have my work laptop. i know it seems trivial - but i often find myself pushing the wrong buttons when searching for the control/command key. haha.

ummm.. why am i up at 3am? i dunno. but i'm being a little mean and enjoying it. i think lately i have been a little void of feelings.. maybe no time to feel - maybe if i don't feel i can't get hurt? or i'm just taking the passive agressive route. (most likely). i feel like sometimes i'm no fun anymore.. unless i'm super comfortable with you and i really like you - you don't get the real me. you get half enthused me. i don't know what to say, don't get excited about stuff, can express emotions. it's really strange. sometimes i feel like a shell of myself around certain people. i can't really explain it, or maybe i just don't care to, but i'm a lot worse at trying to fake emotions than i used to - and i wasn't even good at it before. maybe with more sleep i'll return to not zombie. (tonight is not a good starting point though.) haha.

okay. bed. bye.

apparently i give into pressure way too easily. and i think i make really hasty decisions. they usually end up okay... but i'm a big "what if" girl... which sucks. because what ifs are useless.

for the past 6 or 7 weeks i have been busting my ass to learn new stuff, hit the ground running and learn a new arena of job. it's been stressful, exhausting, and super busy, and i'm never home anymore and sometimes i want to cry or maim people. i felt like .. in the end i wouldn't do it again.. and that was my decision. there had been talks of opportunities of the afterwards, and you always think what your next step is gonna be... so in a sense - that's what got me through it. yesterday.. i got presented with the opportunity i wanted... the next step. but the next step is a lot earlier than i intended... and that means bailing on this project and leaving it behind. for 2 years all i ever wanted was to be on a show, be in production, and i did my stint, and now i'm leaving - but now i'm kind of amiss. i had less than 24 hours to make a decision, and while overall i made the right one, i wonder if i could have made a better choice, because you usually always can. i'm a little bummed that i won't be wrapping the show... so that i could say "i did that" or be able to fully celebrate the comradery and share in the torture/experience of enduring the completion of the task. i get my "life" back and my hours won't be as long and it won't be as agonizing.. but i also committed myself to a lengthy span of time.. and then when i'm a little older will i want to subject myself the pain of production again? maybe not. i know it's stupid of me to think "what if" and i can't really change it. things are in motion to make all the changes - so it seems silly of me to waffle now. it's not that i don't want to take the next step, but it would have been nice to be able to finish this step first. i know on a saturday or sunday when i don't have to go in.. i'll be a little thankful, or i might even say "aww.. i miss it"... but if i had stayed, on those saturdays and sundays i would have been cursing myself. i get three saturdays back, probably a few sundays, all of my weeknights, 3 less WSR's to worry about, 9 less client reviews to stress over... which all sound great to me, but looking back i realize more that it'd probably be pretty great to cross the finish line...

(funny enough - this is right above the post where i say how much i hate my job.. hahahah)

i need to leave work so badly it's not even funny. i can not stand being here anymore!! i'm sooooo exhausted and i amd just staring at the multimillions of emails that i have and need to sort through in order to find the 3 that i need in order to do my job. i got this new ergonomic chair that is supposedly $800.. i don't really like it.. it kind of makes.. welll.. everything hurt. maybe i'm so used to sitting the "wrong" way that when i sit the "right" way it's not good. who knows. i've been staring at my computer for 12 hours a day 5-6 days a week and i think i'm going blind or cross eyed. i can't even think about all the stuff i have to do because i think my brain is starting to melt. i had all these plans this week of stuff that i was going to do, and now i don't want to do any of them because just lying in my bed sounds really good. just lying there. doing nothing. maybe sleeping. who knows. i think it's a slump... maybe it comes around this time of year.. or i have a time frame before things really kick in. i think last week and the week before i didn't have time to think about things, and now that i have an eensy bit of time, or i've allowed myself the time to think, it makes me not want to do anything else. sounds awful i know.. and maybe someone will read this and get me fired... but they know it's not true. it's just a small rant to relieve the stress that we all need. i will finish my job, i will kick ass, and maybe i'll be masochistic enough to do it again. maybe, maybe not. but i really need a good "break" or a good "something" (i say something because the usual things that use to get me through have become somewhat additional stress.. so i don't know what is the cure anymore) to re-energize me because i'm starting to feel it... feeling the burn.. and it's not fun.

wow blog.. it's been a long time. lo siento. it's a combination of myspace and having no time period. i've moved into a new position where i've been averaging 70 hours a week over 6 days. yea.. that's right.. 6 days.. i get to work saturdays now. awesome. i don't have to work every saturday just yet - but it might come soon. we'll see. it's busy, it's different and it's what i wanted, or what i thought i wanted. the verdict is still out though. the thought of possibility keeps me in it. that and my contract. hahha.

i shouldn't stay up too long. i'm pretty exhausted from working and uhh.. not sleeping. not my fault though. i woke up at 3am and kept going in and out of sleep until 7am or so. it was annoying. today i was a zombie, but i was actually pretty productive. probably because i was too tired to goof off.

things are okay. here and there... luckily i don't have a lot of time to spend dwelling on it, although sometimes i do, which is lame. i was reading some old posts and you realize how much changes over time.. so while things seem retarded now - a year from now i'll look back and realize how silly it all is... at least i hope that's the case right?

my laptop hard drive died - so i lost almost all my pictures. i shared some with my roommate and my sister - so hopefully i can recover those. i bought a new fancy harddrive - the one i really wanted - so maybe it'll kick start me into editing again as well as hoping that i am better about backup my info.

oh.. and i started actually watching my 90210 dvd's... i never realized how bad that show actually is.. but that's a whole other blog. dylan mckay is still pretty dreamy though. ahahah.

guess that's it for my right now.. although i would like to say my nephew is the cutest ever...


and congratulations to carlene & sonny, as well as sakura & jimmy. they're gonna get hitched!! crazy! but in the awesome good way. i can't believe i'm approaching the age where you start going to tons of weddings cuz everyone's getting married. yikes.. does that mean i'm old? hhahah. grown up? maybe just my friends, not me though.. i'm not getting married anytime soon. hahha.

well.. one last thing before i go to bed. okay two. i probably will be blogging more.. i think i might be getting a little tired of the myspace blogging world. shocker i know. we'll see. depends on what i want to write about. myspace was always for stupid silly things.. and i just hadn't felt like writing about anything real for awhile.. not that this is "real." hahha.. and two: this is a little exaggerated, but i like it.

Know all about
About your reputation
And how it's bound to be a heartbreak situation
But I can't help it if I'm helpless
every time that i'm where you are
You walk in and my strength walks out the door
Say my name and I can't fight it anymore
Oh I know, I should go
But I need your touch just too damn much
Loving you isn't really something I should do
Shouldn't wanna spend my time with you, yeah
Well I should try to be strong
But baby you're the right kind of wrong
Yeah baby you're the right kind of wrong
it Might be a mistake
A mistake I'm making
But what you're giving I am happy to be taking
Cause no one's ever made me feel
The way I feel when i'm in your arms
They say you're something I should do without
They don't know what goes on
When the lights go out
There's no way to explain
All the pleasure is worth all the pain
Loving you isn't really something I should do yeahey.
Shouldn't wanna spend my time with you
Well I should try to be strong
But baby you're the right kind of wrong
Yeah baby you're the right kind of wrong
I should try to run
But I just can't seem to
Cause every time I run you're the one I run to
Can't do without, what you do to me
I don't care if I'm in too deep
Know all about
About your reputation
And how its' bound to be a heartbreak situation
But I can't help it if I'm helpless
Every time that I'm where you are
You walk in and my strength walks out the door
Say my name and I can't fight it anymore
Oh I know I should go
But I need your touch just too damn much
Loving you isn't really something I should do, not something i shouldn't do
Shouldn't wanna spend my time with you
Well I should try to be strong, i should try to be strong
But baby you're the right kind of wrong, right kind of wrong
Yeah baby you're the right kind of wrong,
baby you're the right kind of wrong,
yeah baby you're the right kind of wrong.

courtesy of joan.. love it.

hello blog!!

sorry i sort of semi-abandoned you. it's a combination of myspace and life in general. things are sort of hectic and sometimes i don't have the time to blog the "real things" just the stupid little silly blogs - and that's what i do on myspace. sorry. maybe i'll do a picture blog to recap.. cuz those are always fun.

i intended this blog to be a little longer but i'm getting tired and hungry - so we'll make it short.

remember back in april when i sad cuz i didn't get to go to the laker game. well look at me now.. i get to go tonight!! whoo hoo.. granted it's not really a "great" game and they're playing memphis grizzlies... but who am i to care really. and this time it's row 6 bitches!! center court :) yay.

work is a little hectic because there's a lot of changes, and i'm thinking i might make a big one soon too.. but we shall see..... (ch-ch-ch-changes.. ) :P

i'm going to taiwan for my birthday/thanksgiving to hang out with the sis. i kind of spawned this family trip (which is funny cuz now we never take them anywhere except to taiwan.) my mom was already there and was gonna come back but is extending it, and my dad left on friday. it'll be fun and we'll do thanksgiving in taiwan the right way :) and i get to hang out with jake who is walking already. holy cow.

cutest baby ever!!! (yes i know this picture is stolen)

other than that.. not much else. or not much else that i want to spread out on the internet :P just spending time at work (i only have 1 job now.. amazing), and roommates and friends. i'm gonna be 25 soon.. mid-twenties.. yikes :P

and i think i'm gonna nap now.

ttfn. see ya real soon. (mixing disney phrases.. i know).

so to sort of quasi make up for me being a "bad friend" and not donating yet (i did today!) to support linh's JDRF walk for diabetes i think that posting a link here will be good.. even if just one person donates... that would be awesome.

so donate! it's for a good cause!!

click here to support linh in the diabetes walk!

You sit there in your heartache
Waitin' on some beautiful boy to
To save you from your old ways
You play forgiveness
Watch it, now here he comes
He doesn't look a thing like Jesus
But he talks like a gentleman
Like you imagined
When you were young

Can we climb this mountain?
I don't know
Higher now than ever before
I know we can make it if we take it slow
That's takin' easy
Easy now, watch it go

We burnin' down the highway skyline
On the back of a hurricane
That started turnin'
When you were young

When you were young

And sometimes you close your eyes
And see the place where you used to live
When you were young

They say the devil's water it ain't so sweet
You don't have to drink right now
But you can dip your feet
Every once in a little while

You sit there in your heartache
Waitin' on some beautiful boy to
To save you from your old ways
You play for goodness
Watch it, now here he comes
He doesn't look a thing like Jesus
But he talks like a gentleman
Like you imagined
When you were young

(Talks like a gentleman
Like you imagined)
When you were young

I said he doesn't look a thing like Jesus
He doesn't look a thing like Jesus
But more than you ever know

i know that this is probably all kind of wrong - but it makes me laugh so hard.. i don't know why. because i'm silly.. that's why.

"dontcha wish your boyfriend was hot like me?"

long time no blog.

i've been a little lazy.. sorry man.

so i've got a story for you. or a question.. how come people speak to me like i understand spanish. how do you know that i took spanish for five years? how do you know i can understand small conversational phases? it used to happen to me all the time at the gap. maybe people just speak to anyone in spanish and think that they understand because they just assume so many people do. like in nip/tuck where the wife is like "we live in miami, english is the foreign language"... not that bad.. but yah know. last night i went to the corner bakery in westwood during a break in class and i got a sandwich and the guy taking my order asked me "to go?" and i said "yes" and he goes "para llevar" which is the same in spanish... and i said yes. so i guess that's the clue that i understand.. but really? why even start? he says a few other phrases... oookay.. thanks buddy. i just answer him in spanish... because my comprehension is much better than my spoken abilities.

then i go to diddy riese after class - and i order some cookies to take home for my roommates and co-workers... and he says "es especial"... which doesn't really make sense to me because he didn't give me any special deal.. but he started out in english and then brought in the spanish. what is it about me says "please speak spanish to me"... thanks.

that's my story.. i'm going to go back to watching grey's anatomy :) gotta finish season 2 before the new season.

ps... i'm so handy! i fixed up my tivo with our digital cable box.. whoo!! AND i fixed our las vegas nobu boat that beth broke.. hahaha.. i feel productive tonight. i'm not going to turtle racing tonight.. but it's okay.. i'm hanging out with dr. mcdreamy :) better than hanging out with the mcflirties... hahaha.

yeeeeessssssssssssssssssssssssssss!!!!!

http://www.dvdtimes.co.uk/content.php?contentid=62235

if anyone wants to know what to get me for my birthday. this would be it. although it comes out on november 7th and i might not be able to wait the whole 13 days until my birthday.. i might just have to be there the day of to buy it....

spaznik: http://people.aol.com/people/article/0,26334,1219142,00.html
spaznik: AAAAHHHHHHHHHH
spaznik: good thing I dumped him...
spaznik: cause then it would TOTALLY be awkward now...
spaznik: totally.

nicole totally made my day. especially when i called her and she was listening to "this i promise you"... promise me what lance? huh? huh?

hahahahhhaha...

EDIT:
so apparently this has been the talk of the day... not at my work because they're not cool enough to admit they care, but at beth's and nicole's. and of course among the internet.. even in taiwan - this is what my sister had to say (and i knew this is exactly what she was going to say)

from joan@iammean.com:
"now we just have to wait for JC! hahahahhahah j/k"

and then i got a text message from nicole:
"so everyoen is making fun of me because of the lance bass thing. apparently no one else had a lance bass puppet."

i've seen two myspace bulletins so far (and that's only among my friends)... it's so.. i dunno.. such big news? couldn't anyone kind of guess? it wasn't this big when clay aiken came out... was it more obvious? because he spent less time hiding it? there's a lot of people that are like "good for him" and "i'm happy for him".. but it just seems excessive to splash it out like that and have a giant cover with giant yellow words "I'M GAY!"... oh well.. whatever you wanna do yah know? good way to advertise and promo for your new show. haha.. that's usually a big part of it.

pop culture is great. i bet on the next 'beauty and the geek' show this will be one of the questions... "which member of famed boyband *NSYNC came out of the closet in the summer of 2006?" :P

gary hall jr. survives shark attack

<3

anyone want to go with me to the usa swimming national championships next month in irvine? boo that i missed the janet evans invitational at usc... that would have been mucho fun.

is there such a thing as a "work 15".. you know.. like freshman 15? i think there has to be. i do nothing but mostly sit on my butt all day - typing at my computer.. with the occasional walk across the street... but there is food everywhere... especially on fridays and especially as the weeks wind down.

today.. i thought i'd be good and bring my lunch because i've been out to lunch a few times this week and spending money on food is something i could probably do less of. especially since last night i had a huge craving for sushi so i ordered 3 rolls from california roll factory because i'm indecisive like that. i brought my leftovers for breakfast - ate few pieces of sushi and had some cereal even though it was free donut friday. i combined the sushi with my leftovers from a birthday lunch on wednesday and thought i had a pretty decent meal. i got invited out to gyu-kaku for lunch, but didn't go because i was feeling anti-social and then i got a notification about free food! whoo!! i had a turkey burger with all the fixings, pasta salad and regular salad. i skipped out on the baked beans and the pound cake/berry mix/create your own shortbread.. but helped myself to a cookie and added a little ice cream for sandwichness.

less than 2 hours later there was a goodbye party for someone who was leaving. so there was meat, cheese and veggie platters, chips and salsa/cheese/guacamole, fruit tart and chocolate cakes and champagne.

20 minutes after that i am told there is ice cream and m&m's in a different area of our work.

in 43 minutes there is another goodbye party for another girl's last day. no food i don't think.. just a few bottles alcohol (for those who haven't already started drinking at lunch. i hear at another goodbye lunch i missed out on 48 oz. margaritas.)

i think they might also be serving dinner for some of the shows in an hour and a half. and i still have those leftovers that i was supposed to eat for lunch. at this rate i could probably stretch it out to next week. no wonder i never go grocery shopping.

understand that i am only posting these for the 3 people who want to see them. granted i am plastering them out on the internet, but emailing them the pictures just seemed too weird. also - it has taken me this long to put up pictures because it has taken me that long to find a half decent picture where i a)looked okay or b)you could actually see the hair. this post is 100% in the vain category.. but only because it's really all about me and how i look. also understand that i am not too pleased. sometimes i can pretend my hair is okay.. and if i have a good day and get compliments at work, it sometimes makes me feel a little bit better. especially if its the cute guy at work. BUT.. it's been more than 2 weeks and i can't seem to find a decent picture of me and my new hair. so i thought hey.. i'll just take some tonight ... and it took a million and two takes just to get some ones that weren't atrocious. i could never be america's next top model. (shut up.)

anyways.. here goes. this makes me feel a little (or lot) worse about my hair. i still don't like it. and i know there will be the occasional comment (or not) about "oh it's cute!" but yea.. i am still not sold :(

*made them small on purpose so they'd look better from "further away"


this is the best out of the bunch, maybe i should wear my hair half up half down all the time.



i've got the half mushroom head (right side) and the half straight hair (left side) thing going on... lovely.



this is the "carefree" picture - although i am far from it.

so you might say "oh it's not that bad" - but there are tons more pictures that were bad than good. but even i am not stupid enough to post those up - even to prove a point.

ps. a lot of people say that my hair "suits me" - so if i have fugly hair.. what does that mean?

pps. totally not trying to fish for compliments here - because even if you say it i won't believe you, so don't think i'm a compliment fishing whore... but that doesn't mean you can post mean things either. then i'll cry.

i miss my hair a little bit.

i've gotten into a really bad habit of turning breath mints into meals. not doing it on purpose in the whole anorexia kind of way... but in an "i'm unprepared" kind of way. i used to carry around gum all the time. because i like to have good breath and i like to keep my mouth busy - but after i got in the car accident i had a bit of TMJ and i wasn't allowed to chew gum. boo. so i turned to breath mints and altoids. i discovered altoid mini's and most recently (thanks to linh and beth) icebreaker sours. breathmints, but like candy.

so lately.. i've been stuck places - work (hockey.. where you can't get up and go) or currently - class. i guess i could leave and go get some food.. but then i'd miss out on my class.. and for the rate i'm paying it's not really worth it. so i'm a little starving because i haven't eaten dinner yet... and all i have are altoid minis and icebreaker sours. the icebreaker sours are a little tastier than the plain ol altoids so i've been popping them like crazy... it curbs my hunger for a few minutes, and then time for more. but i'm still starving. when i was waiting for my mom at the hospital i was popping altoids like crazy at 2am... man i had some fresh breath.

anyhoo.. i should probably get back to paying attention in class. if i'm not leaving to go get food, not paying attention by blogging isn't any better.

okay okay.. i'll post/send some pictures soon... maybe... ahaha.. if i can take some half decent ones. but for now my camera is dead.. i think i left my charger in torrance so y'all are going to have to wait just a little bit.

people tell me i am overreacting. at work i've been getting compliments and i tell everyone "i'm still getting used it." funny thing.. i think my hair has already grown a little bit. it seems a little bit longer than saturday. and yes, the flat iron is my new best friend.

but back to the "compliments" i say so in quotes because it's such a drastic change, most people have to just say something. and mostly in work environments it's got to be say something nice or don't say anything at all. so when someone does something different with their hair.. you say the standard "oh!! nice hair cut!" (exclamation points optional.) one guy did tell me he liked it longer, because he prefers long hair. in fact, he told me not to cut it before i did it - but that's besides the point. anyways.. like when people feel the need to comment when something is different, and of course they're not going to say anything bad, sometimes i wonder which ones are real and which ones are just polite. like "oh... nice third arm!" you know? i know i'm being paranoid, but i also know i've told people that i like their hair when i really didn't.

vivian told me that with it down it makes me look "super asian"... all i need is the bowl bangs to complete the look. awesome.

joan.. it's very 2nd grade picture-esque. after i let you cut my hair and you cut it crooked so mommy had to cut it super short to fix it/even it out. hahahahha.. yup.. it's almost that short :P

i'm having a hair crisis.

bleh. so i wanted it short. i wanted it short and cute. what i got was a boy looking mushroom. you know how your hair is a little longer when it's wet, so i told my hair stylist to cut it around the length i wanted, and then she blew dry it, and then i realized that i was retarded. it's also weird, because it's got more body in the middle and the top and the bottom just kind of curls in... yuk yuk yuk. i thought.. "hey maybe if i wash it and re-style and blow dry that it'll look better..." nope.. it looks the same. ugly.

ack.

oh well.. it's only hair right? haha.. except when i was little my sister told me hair liks 90% of your looks. and= i have believed her ever since. i might not have done a whole lot about it.. but i believe it, always have. now i'm panicking. oh well, not like there's anyone i need to impress. haha.. like that's ever true.

oh well... can't do anything about it now.. except cry. hahahhahah.

*sigh*

they're blue because you're leaving.

so i probably have had a few celebrity sightings, sometimes i don't really keep track of them all the time. one i TOTALLY REMEMBER when i saw justin timberlake.. hahaha. but i wasn't quite quick enough to get a photo as i passed him on the street.

today i was at lunch in venice with work and we saw *gasp* owen wilson. hahhaha. he sat in a table in the back i guess as to not get a lot of attention, but too late! we saw him when he first walked in. i try not to gawk and stare too much as he's having his conversation. as he's leaving he signs a few autographs for the wait staff, chats with a few people and i snap a picture as he's walking away because i can't work up the nerve/dorkiness to go up and ask him for a picture. hahahha... i swear i'm not a goober.

(16:41:57) sakurachoco: are you working?
(16:42:17) jeanyah: yea
(16:42:26) sakurachoco: I'M NOT

thanks sakura.. thanks.

i don't think i am ready to take the leap.

don't let them trick you.

yes i'm being cryptic on purpose.

in case you didn't get the memo from earlier... yuk.



(i feel kind of like a jerk posting and saying these awful things, but seriously, so not cute...) i haven't quite been keeping up, has she admitted to anything yet? the original picture is way bigger and little more frightening

thanks to linh i decided to check out the superficial and there's always tons of entertainment to be found there. today's fun (which may actually be old news) is that paris and britney have dyed their hair black. black is the new blonde? they all just want to look like me. :P (speaking of hair - i think i might cut my hair this weekend!)

how does anyone think this is attractive? i mean.. i know being skinny is great - but i seriously believe there is too skinny. her head looks way too big for her dang body. i mean.. there was a time when i did think she was pretty cute and petite, but i think she's outta control and losing it. she's freaking me out.

(pictures courtesy of a fun new (to me) celeb gossip site: http://hotmommadrama.blogspot.com/

those pictures were at the premiere of the devil wears prada which i guess was at the la film festival. now i know why tickets were freakin $100... *sigh* i guess i will just have to wait to catch it in theatres. (anne hathaway looks beautiful (an proportional) by the way.)

as soon as i got home a bit of a thunderstorm happened. i was on the phone and thought i saw a flash and was like "nah.. it was probably just a reflection or something" but sure enough followed the loud thunder. (actually before that i heard thunder and was like "is that thunder? nah.. it's probably and airplane") anyhoo.. i usually think it's kind of fun and cool, but tonight it was freakin' me out a little, so i'm glad it passed. it was quick, and the rainfall that followed was nice and light as well. i dunno why it was freakin' me out - maybe cuz i was by myself in a spacious place, or when i'd walk by the skylights and there was lighting, it would flash and illuminate the rooms, but only from that source. also there's the whole active imagination thing. when my sister and i were younger we'd play this video "clue" game, which is like the boardgame, but the mystery was on video, and so through that and game cards you had to figure out who killed who (instead of picking the cards and hiding them in an envelope).. it was pretty fun, but tonight the thunder and lighting storm just reminded me of that video and being in that house.. then i was like "oh man.. i'm in a murder mystery house!"

yikes i am delusional today.

i saw An Inconvenient Truth last night, and i know i know i'm late to jump on the bandwagon (well.. the inconvenient truth bandwagon, but i've been an environmentalist forever :P - thanks joan!) but it was really good. at first you watch it, and you feel kind of helpless.. like "all these bad things are happening and there's nothing i can do"... but it makes you realize there are things you can do, and things that we can change, and i hope that this film is a catalyst for that. so.. i think you should go see it - plus it's free. (i like the earth, i like free.. works out..) and al gore is scheduled to be there as well.. that'll probably be really interesting and possibly inspiring :) (another thought that came out of watching that movie was "fuckin florida!") har har har. anyway.. here's the info:

FREE SCREENING: An Inconvenient Truth
Saturday June 24, 8pm
CALIFORNIA PLAZA
350 S. Grand Ave., Los Angeles CA 90071
http://www.lafilmfest.com/tixSYS/2006/filmguide/event.php?EventNumber=4397

you should go see it if you haven't already, bring your friends and parents, it's really good and informative. i'm debating taking my parents to go see it .. i hope that the message wouldn't be lost on them... but it's one of those films that definitely makes you aware yah know? reminds you of what you should really care about.. inspires you. haha.. funny enough this is the same feeling i would get after coming back from circle k conventions :P it made me glad that my parents never let me get that SUV i always wanted, it made me want to buy a prius, it makes me want to go plant trees. haha.

favorite funny part from the movie is when al gore compares gold bars against "mm... THE ENTIRE PLANET".. okay.. looks stupid when i write it out, but it's so funny. i echo the sentiment of kevin & bean of "al, why weren't you this guy 6 years ago!" (awhile ago) they also re-capped this moment when he was on the tonight show -

Jay Leno: "How do you feel being treated like a movie star?"
Gore: "Well, it's not all all easy. For example, I'm in this huge feud with Lindsay Lohan now."
Leno: "Really? Can you give us a little more?"
Gore: "No, she knows what she did."

hi.larious.

okay, back to the topic on hand - if you can't make it to the screenign tomorrow you should definitely go see it in theatres! you won't be dissapointed.

go now.

reduce.reuse.recycle

http://www.climatecrisis.org

so this morning i was listening to kevin & bean intermittently between pushing the snooze buttons and heard this on the radio. i don't watch a whole lot of tv anymore - and when i do, i fast forward through all commercials and thus my connection to outside life is minimal. especially news type stuff (not that this qualifies as "news" but you know what i mean..) i know, i know.. i should be better about being "aware" of the world.. but for now - my form of news is mostly through morning kroq radio... they always have "quality" stuff .. so here is it..

dustin diamond - aka "screech" is having a little trouble with money and has dealt with shady characters (you know how i hate those) and needs some help. so help him out i say...



everyone needs a cause.

i think i need to just give up on my quest for my pretty pink razr :(

i found a store that had some left, and then i kind of hesitated because of the price, and now that i'm like "screw it i'm gonna buy it" they didn't have any left. i balked at the $289 price and got a 25% discount and kind of had the attitude of "pink razr or bust" ... so yesterday i went in prepared to spend $240 to replace my phone.. and then they were out. BOO. so maybe it wasn't "meant to be" - if you believe in that stuff. sometimes i do i guess.. although i can't really see what the "meant to be" of having my phone stolenn is. to teach me a lesson? who knows.

i called a ton of verizon and circuit city/verizon stores and no luck with the pink razr. a few "hmm.. let me checks" but no dice. i think it's a "sign" my sister told me to call some orange county stores, but for gas money - i might as well just buy it on ebay - and the price is like $250-$350... then i realized, that's roughly 30% or more of my rent money. and along with these $2000 editing classes i am taking - money that i thought i had is quickly dwindling. spending a huge chunk of money on a phone doesn't seem like such a wise idea ... but boy did that phone make me so happy :(

i need to be okay with this decision though.. and maybe when the new version of the razr comes out and they make that in pink maybe i'll blow my cash on that.. when my expenditures have balanced themselves out a little bit. for now i think i might go back to using my very broke LG phone, so if you can't hear me, you know why. it does come with an ez tip calculator though.. i do like that.

so yea.. if you have a pink phone or a razr (of any color), don't use it around me, i'm likely to either steal it (a la march of penguins desperate mother mode) or take it and throw it against a wall.

it's so weird.. these past few days i've been seeing people everywhere on their cell phones. it makes me a little mad.

today i was driving into work and there was a radio ad for the new razr. the guy says something and i wasn't really listening, but my ears perk up when the girl says "what?! your razr plays music?!" - and i had to turn off the radio, it made me too sad :(

so lame.. i know...

i'm cleaning out some stacks of papers and find some old resumes that the previous assistant was probably doing something with... and in between those resumes i find a finger nail clipping, a pretty big one...

ew. gross. and a little creepy.

just so y'all don't think i'm a huge biatch - i'm taking my mom to urgent care now.. see ya later.

i just gave my mom a little bit of my impatient attitudeness. she is famous for nagging (as all mom's are) but now she doesn't feel well. and when people don't feel well they become that much more whiney, needy, and fussy. i should know... literally. i honestly would like to help my mom - but she wants me to find the number of her chiropractor, but she can't remember the name. i know it's a combination of her sickness and druggedness that is making her hazy - but she is still ab le to get mad at me for being "unhelpful" that i can't look up the name of her doctor - who's name i don't know. i'm sorry, but i feel crappy and miserable too. i just got re-sick this weekend over a cold i thought was on it's way out. i'm coughy and achy and my throat feels like it's a centimeter wide. i'm sorry that i was rude, but when i am sick, i can't take care of you, i don't always care about what you want. i barely care about what i want.. except for lots and lots of sleep. BLECH.

while my mom is in the bathroom and i have to wait until she's done.. i guess i will blog. let me tell you about the craptacular incident of the weekend. i lost my phone/some f*cker stole my phone. granted.. i probably shouldn't have been doing what i was doing, so maybe it's karmic balance.. although beth gets mad when i say stupid crap like that. it was 3 or 4 am and i decided to do a little gambling - i was in vegas afterall. my phone fell out of my side jacket pocket while i was on the floor, and while frantically searching for it i was repeatedly calling my own number - not so that i could hear it because i knew my phone was on vibrate (dammit!) but hoping someone would pick up. after the 39th bajillionth call or so, someone finally did. some dude, probably wasted, who knows really, but he did say he'd give me my phone back, that he was outside the monte carlo and that he'd meet me in the lobby. i told hiim not to hang up so that i could keep him on the phone and we could find each other easier.. he's like "yea yea.. sure sure"... 30 seconds later he hung up and then turned my phone off. ass.hole. i can't believe that people can be like that. i can't believe that people will lie to your face and then take off with your stuff. god i really hate people sometimes. in the morning i tried calling and teting my phone to see if he'd respond to me saying i'd give him money (why didn't i just say that in the first place!!) but no answer... arrghh!! as of yesterday i've suspended my service, and my phone is placed on the lost/stolen list - so basically it can't be reactivated anyways... the phone is useless. i guess it could be used as a camera, but it's really not that great anyways. who knows.. i don't. but i am angry. like this dude who's friend's sidekick was found/stolen. bleh.. people suck ass.

http://www.evanwashere.com/StolenSidekick/

i just dropped 2k on signing up for an editing class. umm... i'm scared. i dunno.. it's like the first "big" thing that i've done in awhile. 2k.. i hope that these classes are good. i have some room and a date that i can still drop and get a refund by if it gets too hectic.. but i'm anticipating good things. at least i hope. there's a lot of "big" changes lately. maybe i'm finally "growing up" - moving out, taking these classes.. umm i guess that's it. okay.. doesn't seem like a big deal when you list them - but i'm still scared. apprehensive. maybe i'm not actually growing up, but just finding more ways to waste lots of money all at once. i should just go to vegas and blow it all instead... oh wait - i'm doing that too :P

booooooooooooooooooooooooo.. tonight i decided to catch up on some amazing race and i realized that on the stinkin 3 tivos in this house not a single one caught the finale. in fact, two of them missed it because they were both tivo'ing lost. boooooooooooooo. i know .. my own fault because i should have checked. but i have been busy and have been catching up on the last month of tv. BOO BOO BOO BOO BOO.

i am so upset right now.

AND DON'T EVEN TRY TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER BY TELLING ME WHO WON BECAUSE THEN I WILL JUST BE EVEN MADDER... if i wanted to know i'd look it up on the internet. i will find the finale so i can watch it.. the anticipation kills me - but i love it. go hippies.

oh tv, let me tell you - how i love you so. when i first started this blog i titled this blog as i saw fit.. but it wasn't just a title.. but i actually meant it. is that sad? but it's so true. tv is around whenever i need it. almost the perfect friend.. i can turn it on when i want, make it go away when i'm done. sounds like a very selfish relationship huh? but tv is the one thing i can usually always count on. of course there are those bad moments when you have 500 channels and they're all crap, but everyone has an off day. you kept me company when i was little, made me happy with episodes of my little pony when my eye got poked out with an umbrella, made me smart with 3-2-1 contact and square one shows, and are always there when i need someone to spend time with me, make me feel better when i am sad, and tell me what i want to hear/see. you don't judge, you don't give me attitude, you don't get moody or mean, and when you make me cry it's just in a good way (although it still makes me feel silly). you do kill me with these season finales... you keep me on the edge in suspension... "mcvet or mcdreamy?!" "what happened to mike?" "is nathan going to live?" or the bad storylines of soaps "austin... i can't believe you friggin proposed to sami!!... idiot!" but i know it's not your fault.. and it's all in the name of good entertainment. tv you are always there when i need you, and i know why my sister is so happy that she can be your friend from taiwan too, she missed you a lot when she couldn't get in contact with you. now we have to share, but i'm okay with that.. mostly because of the time difference. you provide me with constant immediate entertainment whenever i need it, especially those times when i need it the most. you make me so happy. thank you.

"if i lay here
if i just lay here
would you lie with me and just forget the world?"

my nephew is cuter than your nephew



my mom left for taiwan today.. i'm so jealous!! i want to go. i know she's not just going for socializing and hanging out - but she still gets to go away and be in taiwan and enjoy all the fun, food, shopping, family that all comes with it. hahaha.. but then there's that humidity.... bleh :P but it'd totally be worth it. jake is starting to crawl and eat foods... and i'm totally missing out. boo!!!

i've stayed up until right now to catch up on grey's anatomy. for one reason or another i haven't watched a whole lot of tv lately and i have a couple weeks of episodes to catch up on. i guess i decided tonight was the night i wanted to do it. well.. round 1 at least. now i'm debating whether i should even go to sleep or if i should just get some other stuff done. i don't know why i am feeling so restless and i know i will be absolutely useless at work tomorrow - but i guess that's not much of a change from how i have been lately. the best term that i can use to describe me lately (and i'm sorry if this offends anyone) but is "checked out" i've checked out of work, checked out of caring about keeping up with stuff, i wait until the absolute possible last minute where i have to do stuff to do it - but then it's only because i have to, not because i have any desire. i don't know what my deal is. i have almost no interest in anything. i have my moments - moments where things are shiny and happy - but it just seems odd that i come back here - when i seem to have so much going for me. am i just being melodramatic? or have i spent all the other times just pretending?

i ran into an old roommate at the grocery store today. she was ... not at all excited or interested in talking to me. that makes me a little sad. was whatever i did to her so horrible that she couldn't even feign interest. but i guess she was never that kind of person. you won't mesh well with everyone, but i do like to try.. because i am dumb like that. there's this guy on myspace who we used to be friends, not best friends, but acquaintances. why won't he be my friend on myspace? why do people say they'd like to meet up, but when you actually try to make it happen they dissapear? and why are people so afraid to make friends - or maybe it's just me? i don't know why this bothers me so much but it does.

maybe i am scared of this new roommate situation. do i have time to back out? not without making a whole lot of people mad. i think i'm just a little less enthused because there was a place that i loved and we lost it. we lost it for stupid reasons. reasons that i know make sense, but i think i'm still greiving. there's another place that we'll get if we want it - but it's not the same, it's not as nice, and i think maybe i feel a little let down - but i can't do anything about it. i have to be a team player and do what's best for the team, but it sucks because i feel like the team let me down. and then i feel bad for saying that.

i was talking to this girl about coupledom today and she said that she wanted to make sure she had everything in place before she ever chose to couple up because she needed to make up herself. it's smart, and i'm not coupled for different reasons, but we talked a lot about how you don't need to be coupled. but there are times like tonight, when no one else seems to have time for you - that you wish you had someone that you could make make time for you. but truth be told, being coupled up doesn't mean that anyways.

i've been looking into taking editing classes @ ucla extension. i think my boss would let me leave early one day a week. but then i wonder if i want to blow that much money on something that i may not even want to do long term. i don't know what i want to do. is that odd? i feel like i should have it all figured out... or at least have some answers. i have none.

i know this funk is just the extreme and temporary and probably brought on by my massive sleep deprivation. i probably don't even make sense. but i want to matter. not just be a cog.

funny story - first time i saw the vet on grey's anatomy i was like "holy crap he is hot".. after watching 4 or 5 hours i realized that mcVet is chris o'donnell. i totally didn't recognize him in the first episode he appeared in. funny how i still think he is hot. i would totally pick mcVet, but i guess you can't help who you like.

happy mother's day!

my mom listening to a vm from my sister (also a mommy!)



grandma and my dad with a silly face

i know i have been uber lazy about blogging.. sorry.. i've been uber lazy about a few things.. well not lazy - apathetic? still debating if i want to post hawaii and vegas pictures. maybe a few.. but usually when i get time to blog i usually don't want to stare at the computer anymore (usually because i've wasted too much time on myspace).. hahha.. i know i'm lame. whatever...

potato chips for breakfast, champagne for lunch and apple pie a la mode for dinner... random i know... but i just wanted to say that. truthfully that's only like 15% of what i ate today.. i've been grazing all day. hah... had a ginormous dinner with mana tonight at lucille's... so good, so full, so worth it :P

i should be sleeping, but i'm glad i was able to catch ben lee on jimmy kimmel. grey's anatomy themed, so he and lara played in patient gowns sitting in hospital beds.

"please, baby, please, open your eyes, catch my disease"

it doesn't really read well, but i swear the song is cute.

one last thing: change change change: http://www.digitaldomain.com/press_release.html

boo hoo....

Blaze guts HB Pier Plaza's Baja Sharkeez restaurant

my own little world of current events.. this is probably only funny to me and three other people.. but here goes.

me: hey so are you guys eating dinner right now?
my dad: no
me: are you going out?
my dad: souplantation is closed today because all their workers went downtown.
me: hahahahhahahahahha

i'm sure you don't get it. i don't care. it cracks me up to no end. i am still laughing.

i am SO popular on myspace.. i get lovely messages from very nice boys all the time. no wonder so many people find great love through the internet. i'm certain i could meet "the one"... for example - a message from my new boyfriend on myspace.

Hi there, i'd like to be straight up honest with you, and want to level with you. My name is Josh, I'm a normal decent guy, currently I'm single, to be honest I've never been in a realtionship. I'm sure you're a very sweet nice woman as well, and you are VERY hot. You look very good. So I was wondering if we could exchange numbers and arrange sometime to get together and make love. Please consider I asked politely, and I promise to be faithful to you and willing to learn to pleasure you like no other.
You got to think, all women will refuse my offer, so you could be that one unique smart woman, that will avoid all these silly games, and just follow your natural human instincts.
Please Do not get offended by my message.

thank you,
MUAH
Josh. :)


i know.. you're jealous. too bad.

through myspace i found out this guy that i went to middle school with died. don't flood my comment box with "i'm sorry"s because i didn't know him that well. i mean.. i did - i went to school with him for a few years.. all of middle school, maybe elementary. i don't really know - but at the same time i haven't talked to him - or most middle school people since then... 11 years. i do remember him though, probably have some pictures and yearbook messages somewhere, so it's always a little sad when someone you know (or knew) died.

and it's weird to be back in a world that have lost touch with, but it doesn't make it any less fond. it's also weird to remember all these people you knew, and know that because i went to cams everything changed for me, but not anyone else.. it's strange, surreal really. but enough about me.

RIP jeff daley.


Jeffrey Marcus Daley

On April 15, 2006, we lost our beloved Jeffrey in a tragic accident. A lifetime resident of Torrance, he was born on October 8, 1980. Jeffrey was loved by all who knew him, and was fortunate to have a great group of lifelong friends. Pursuing his long time dream of a career in law enforcement, he was studying criminal justice at El Camino College and was employed by the Southern California Gas Company. Always confident, Jeffrey could fix anything that was broken and break anything that was fixed. Jeffrey would never turn down a challenge; school, soccer, pool, motor sports, he loved them all. Last one at the card table and the first one at the finish line. His motto "I got this!" Jeffrey is the beloved son of Mike and Mary Kay Daley; devoted brother to Christopher and Colleen; and loving uncle to Riley. He leaves behind the love of his life, Heather Birken. He will always be in the hearts of grandparents, Michael R. O'Sullivan and Joyce Temple as well as numerous aunts, uncles and cousins. He recently lost his loving grandmother Mary Ann O'Sullivan; and great-grandmother, Nana Minnie Rooks. Viewing will be at Rice Mortuary, 5310 Torrance Blvd., Torrance on Friday, April 21, 2006 from 6:00pm - 9:00pm. A celebration of Jeffrey's life will be held at Hickory Park, 2850 W. 232nd Street, Torrance on Saturday, April 22, 2006 at 11:00am. Reception will follow. Please sign the guest book at www.dailybreeze.com/obits. To send the family a message, share a memory, or for directions to services, please go to the mortuary's website, here.

this girl cracks me up.. :) From: Angelee

To: Jean

Date: Apr 20, 2006 12:37 PM

Subject: 4:20

have a happy holiday. don't do anything i wouldn't do.


your favorite stoner,
angeweed

this could have been me tonight, row 17.

BOOO!!!!

it's okay.. i should be working anyways. damn.it.

although i hate the combining of celebrity couple names with a deep deep passion - i think the tagline of "the tomkitten has arrived" is kind of cute. JUST this once though.. that's it.

so yep.. tom cruise and katie holmes had a little girl (unless you believe all the rumors :P) - i bet it's pretty cute... they're both pretty cute. awww... the name strikes me as a little odd: suri. it's got persian or hebrew roots - but i don't think tom or katie are either... it sounds kind of asian.. ahhaha.. not like i can judge really - i guess it's better than apple or naming your kids "brandon and dylan" hahaha :)

cruise, holmes have baby girl named suri

i was going to post some lyrics, but this trumped all - so thank nicole for sparing you from my "don't really have anything good to say, but want to keep people reading post" of song words that is either highly popular to show you "i'm cool" or indie to show you that "i'm cool" - either way.. i think you'll find this much better... enjoy!

(still lazy blogging though.. i know i know)

spaznik: i was about to call you earlier today
spaznik: i was going sheet shoppping
spaznik: and i couldnt decide between brown/beige ones
spaznik: or red ones
spaznik: i went with the red one
jeanyah: oooohh.. sexy
jeanyah: who's comin over?
spaznik: hahahah no one.
spaznik: myself.
spaznik: i also went to target and got those TSHIRT COTTON sheets.
spaznik: :)
jeanyah: ooh.. nice!
jeanyah: my sister bought me hello kitty sheets
spaznik: awwwww
spaznik: pretty!!
spaznik: i ended up getting this quilt cover
spaznik: choice 1
spaznik: it was between that and this choice 2
jeanyah: ooohh
jeanyah: the white looks very.. matrimonial
jeanyah: haha
jeanyah: red is incarnate
jeanyah: they might as well be leopard print
jeanyah: jk
spaznik: ahaahahhaha nah... it would clash with my cheetah skin rug.
jeanyah: oh that's right
jeanyah: i forgot
jeanyah: i haven't been to your room in so long
jeanyah: you've probably been cheating on me
spaznik: its still pink...
spaznik: i feel it gives a "charming" and "homey" feel that contrasts nicely with the whips and chains.
spaznik: ying and yang i say.

i feel a little guilty.

i've been gone for 5 days and my mom took this time to do everything i asked her not to do. she doesn't want "my room" to be a "mess" so she is constantly asking to do my laundry, trying to organize my stuff and create little spaces for everything. sounds like a dream right? not so much. she bought all these containers and crates to create makeshift shelves and whatnot. when i first saw that she bought them i told her that i didn't want them. i left for 5 days and my room is all containered-up. things are organized not in a way that i put them - and it bothers me a little - just because... maybe i feel like i need to do my own thing. "well then you need to move out" you say? i'm working on it. but until the meantime i have to deal with this. arrrggghhh!! plus it's like i don't want to make anything too permanent, because then it will just be a bitch to dismantle when i leave. and i don't want to deal with it.

beth says that i'm not easygoing. i say that i am - well, maybe i'm not 100% easygoing in all areas - i guess i do like my stuff just the way that i like it. i've always liked they saying "there is method to this madness" (or something like that) - because although my room or the way i do things may seem chaotic - there is always a system or method - or at least usually. my room might be messy - but i remember where things are and where i left them (most of the time) - so when i try to find it and it's been rearranged or moved by someone else - i get a little irked. maybe it's a control issue and maybe i'm a control freak. (is there such a thing as an easygoing control freak?) i also hate that i ask her to please not do this, or say no when she asks me questions and then completely disregards me and does it anyways. i almost want to say "if you're so into organizing, do it to your own stuff! i'd never say that to her face, but my dad and sometimes my mom reads this so i guess it's as good as done.

i feel guilty because i know my mom isn't doing this to spite me and isn't mal-intentioned. i know she's doing it because she loves me and she thinks that this is the best way. it might be good - but i don't want this much clutter. i get aggitated easily lately in confined spaces with her (see previous post) and i throw my attitude around - sometimes i try harder than others to keep it in check - but it usually rears its ugly head. i honestly hate when people do the complete opposite of what i say i want when it concerns me and my stuff. if it's your life, then whatever.. you can listen to me, you can not. i may be offended or peeved, but it's not my life. my stuff - i like it the way i want it, hands off. my parents don't seem to get this concept. like tonight as i was leaving to go back to my sister's, my dad says that my back car window is dirty and proceeds to wipe it with the napkin in his pocket. i have told him time and time again to not do it because it puts ugly streaks on the window, and not that i car so much about car cleanliness, but the streaks irritate me when i'm driving. i got a bit agitated and maybe made my dad feel a little bit bad. but he does this time and time again, and it bothers me to no end that he is not even listening to me. i'm okay with suggestions, but overbearingness is a different issue. but i feel bad because there are a ton of other people who wish there were so lucky. i know my parents are great, but i feel guilty because it's so easy to get mad. not to say that i'm not justified sometimes, but i come from a background where you're supposed to respect your parents no matter what... not that i don't, but respect in a sit down, shut up and take it kind of way, and that i don't do so well. i talk back and fight - and i like that about me, but i don't like that part where it makes my parents feel bad.

the trick is next time i go away - to never come back... :P

today my dad told me that next time i better not come home, because everytime we just fight and so he doesn't want to see me. or something like that. i don't remember the exact words because i think i just tuned out after "don't come home" - granted it was after i made some snarky remark and i know he doesn't really mean it - but it doesn't make it hurt any less.

my mom is currently sitting in the garage downstairs because she is too pissed/angry/sad or other to come inside. i kind of don't care. and then i kind of feel guilty. and then i kind of feel glad.

today my retarded ass boss scheduled me for a game that i think got cancelled - but yet he didn't tell me about it. so i show up, freak out for a bit because i can't find what i need for the game and then get angry because i realize that i'm not supposed to be there at all. i cut my meeting short, i missed out on dinner with my sister and i missed out on costin's band playing because i was supposed to be "working". i am putting 3 hours on my time card that they'll pay me for even though i left. i'm pretty sure i'll get those hours because i really don't think they ever check - as long as you don't go overtime they don't really check the hours. i come home because i am supposed to be taking my mom up to my sister's so she can help out with jake. i have to drive my mom because she doesn't drive on the freeway, it will save my dad a trip and i am already down in the area. i don't mind really.. or i didn't at first. i call my mom to tell her that i am coming home earlier than expected but she says she still has stuff to do before she can go. i try to go to the gym but i realize i didn't bring any sneakers. so i have a fun conversation with beth on the phone in the parking lot and go on my merry way home. my mom is still doing stuff and i am suddenly super exhausted. i try and find things to entertain myself, but in the end i just decide to take a nap. later my mom comes and says she is ready and i just kind of lay there in my half asleep state thinking that 10 more minutes isn't going to matter. oh how much difference it makes.

my mom is asking my dad to put some stuff in the car and so i yell downstairs saying "don't put it in the trunk there isn't any room" and then i keep yelling for her because i have gotten no response and when i ask her if she heard me she says something to the effect of "who doesn't hear you when you yell" i wonder why she is being so rude and just brush it off as she's already pissed at my dad. i try to get a few more minutes of sleep and then i hear my parents yelling about yet another thing. i figure that i should just get the hell out of there as soon as i can and just stop the fighting. i go downstairs and my parents are fighting about the printer. my dad is frustrated because he can't get the printer to work with only the black color cartridge. he just says he wants to get a new one and my mom is arguing because she is saying he is wasteful and he just got the printer and it's not "junk" as my dad is calling it. i try to help my dad to get the printer to work and in the end he just ends up getting frustrated with me as well and tells me to leave. i start going out the door and realize that i still have to load all of my mom's stuff into the car. my mom is still yelling at my dad and i very annoyedly just tell her to stop. of course it's never a good idea to get in the middle of things, but yet i do it anyways. somewhere in the midst of all the yelling i tell her that she is unreasonable and that she needs to stop yelling. oh my mom loves that.. let me tell you. i walk out in a fit to put my stuff in the car and am coming back to get my mom's stuff. she has knocked over some boxes in a fit and starts complaining about how if i don't want to take her stuff and there's no room for it then maybe she'll just put it back in her room and maybe she just won't go to my sister's house. then i find out why she was so rude earlier. i realize she thinks i said that there is no room in the car and to not put her stuff in. i tell her that i said "'no room in the trunk' and that's why i asked if you had heard me" and so she proceeds to argue with me "you didn't say trunk"... somewhere along the lines she says "i didn't hear trunk .. SORRY" - but she's already too pissed to that we're not really communicating at this point. i am trying to explain to her, she's not listening to me, i can't get a complete sentence out and she just thinks i'm trying to be argumentative. my dad comes in and just grabs all her stuff in a fit and says he'll put it in the car - and i say i'll do it, so then we start fighting. my mom is still standing in the house and i'm somewhere in between the driveway and our house standing outside yelling and i'm sure all of our neighbors think we're looney. i finally get in the car - my mom is trying to say something, i'm trying to say something and nothing is really being heard. she's telling me how i shouldn't get into the middle of fights between her and my dad, and i am trying to tell her that she should listen more and not everything and everyone is against her - just like how i wasn't trying to say there is no room in the car for her stuff. she cuts me off and tells me that i'm currently yelling at her. and i say something about how i'm crying or something and then she cuts me off saying that i'm making it too hot for her because i'm defrosting the windows. i get angry and say how i was defrosting the windows and then she says "well if you're going to cry then i suggest you put on the emergency blinkers and stop on the side of the road and cry because the fog is in your eyes and not on the window." at that point i lose it. (this talk is not all in chronological order - but you get the jist). i think this whole fight started because as i was stomping out of my house i said something like "everything has to be done your way whether you are right or wrong" and she obviously gets angry when i make bold statements as such. i just ask her not to talk anymore because i am already sobbing and the conversation really goes nowhere. she says "see it has to be your way" i try to speed so i can get home faster and she's not having that either. in the end i guess we compromised. i wouldn't speed if she would just shut up.

i know i am not faultless in this. maybe i am an ineffective communicator. maybe i am spoiled. maybe i am selfish. maybe i am stubborn. maybe i am an awful child. sometimes i just want parents who don't fight all the time about every little thing. sometimes i just want parents who will support me - even if i'm making mistakes. sometimes i want them to tell me i'm doing a good thing - not because i asked but because they really believe it. sometimes i don't want to always have to be on the defensive and seem like i have to fight for everything. sometimes i just want some to believe me. sometimes i just want it to be easy.

i know that my parents are just doing what they think is right. i know i probably should be more "respectful" - or at least that's what they think. i know part of them thinks that they have failed because they have raised such an insolent daughter. and that hurts to think that they are dissapointed in what i've become - because i didn't think that i was all that bad - but yet they always manage to make me question it.

this is reason #2934821029 that i need to be on my own - so at least i can do a better job of ignoring it. when i am separate i guess less easily annoyed by the little things, when they're in my face everyday, i never want to come home. i know that this will be one of those moments when my parents are no longer around that i will regret and be sorry that i treated them that way. but it still doesn't make me less angry now. okay - maybe less angry, but still annoyed and still sad. i wish i could move far far away - like new york or something so i could just sever it completely. ignorance is bliss. but then again sometimes i wish i could just fix it - and i guess that's where i get myself in trouble. how do you fix something that irreparable?

this morning when i woke up - despite the fact that i had gotten 7 hours of sleep or so i was still SO exhausted and dead tired. i attributed it to daylight savings and the fact that my body thought it was 7am when i woke up instead of 8am. i got some coffee and perked right up - almost giddy and kind of giggly.

the BEST part of daylight savings though - is that even though i've spent 10 hours here at work.. is that i can not believe it's 7pm already! time to go!! AND it's still light out. i think i had this exact same post last year during daylight savings - but honestly - i can not tell you how great it is. well i guess i just did - but i still don't think you GET it.

i'd write more - but i gotta go!!!