so i think i've silently resolved to blog more here, because while puppies are fun, it's nice to go back and read through essentially my diary. i'm not quite as detailed, or exploitative or rambley as in something that i'd only read myself - but then that helps me be a little less embarrassed in the future. it kind of amazes me sometimes that i've had this blog since 2001. that seems like a loooooong time ago.

sometimes, i read back through the history of some entries - mostly when i'm looking for something, or trying to remember an event or something i said, and it's funny to me how i've changed over the years, because i don't *feel* like i've changed that much, but i guess i have. for the better or worse, i'm a slightly different jean now. dorina tells me that i've changed in the time that she's known me, which is roughly less than 3 years, you could only imagine how i'm different from 2001.

2001-2003 it's a lot of blogging about school, circle k, and towards the latter half, jason mraz. haha. the circle k friends (the people i met through the community service club, not hanging outside a convenience store) are the ones who got me into this "blogging" thing. i think at that time it was still new and exciting, or just not as rampant as it is now, and i either wanted to be one of the cool kids and have my very own link, or felt like i had something to share too, or it totally could have been peer pressure. regardless, it's interesting to read some of my ramblings and see what some of my biggest worries are at any particular moment.

2003-2005 i can't say all what it was about, but i was re-reading some post prior to me getting the job @ DD. there was a lot of sadness and angst, probably mostly from living at home and fighting with my parents EVERY.DAY. and not feeling good enough. there are a lot of sentences and statements in various blogs like "oh.. that's just cuz i'm a loser" or something to that effect, and i don't know if it was just cool and my thing to be that emo, or if i was fishing for compliments - but i definitely didn't think so highly of myself. now, i'm trying to think if i say that ever, even just for fun - and mostly i think about how many times i call other people losers - filled with a lot of eff words. is that mean? or confident? there's always a fine line between those.

within the past 3 years, blogging has been more sparse. i haven't read enough to really have a take on them, or maybe i'm not even far enough removed. maybe i'm so self-reflecty-ey because i'm coming to a time where i have to really think about myself and where i want to go next. it's not just... there for me.

there's also a lot of thought about relationships. i've met a girl at work, and we are a lot alike. and although she's 2 years younger than me, she's 4 years work experience behind me, and it sort of makes a lot of difference. but going back - this wasn't about work. she met a guy at work, and while i'm pretty sure she knows they're not MFEO, there was a point when she thought it was, then in dwindled, then she got really annoyed, then he ignored her, and now she's gone back to him. and my point in all this is that even if you KNOW it's not going to work out, do you just give it a go anyways? to say that you've tried, or just because you really feel like you want to try? i've definitely done that. but more than that, i've cut things off before they even get anywhere because i figure it's not going to happen, or matter, or work out. is that wrong? am i saving myself a headache? or missing out on an experience? am i being smart and not crazy? or unfeeling and cold?

my friend has a date this week. my friend is ALWAYS going out on dates. i don't even know how my friend has the time or the energy to meet so many different people to go on so many different dates. and my friend isn't genuinely that happy. and there are many times that i say, "i'm so glad i'm not my friend." but do i wish i was my friend so that i can experience all these things, even if it means driving myself crazy or getting out of my comfort zone? i don't know.

lastly, i sometimes ask the roommate's BF for guy or life advice. while being pretty sane, he has the compassion and observational insight. that's important. he's never definite, and just always suggests, and usually gives pretty good advice. he's gone through many situations over the course of high school until now, and i think that helps when i'm trying to ask him about LIFE. he said that one has to be comfortable with yourself to go after and obtain other things that you want. and if you're not, then you have to figure out what it is, and how to change it. that seems like pretty DUH advice, but it's not something people spend a lot of time on, because, you know, it's easier to live with the status quo. i think that's also what this time off is going to be for. i mean.. aside from the month and a half of traveling that i just conjured up in my brain. i want to say that i will be better for it by the next time i get a job, or maybe just stuff to work on for 2009.

be the change you want to see.

so today i was making fun of a friend saying that he was crazy for staying up until 2am when he got up at 9am this morning and was planning to wake up by 8am. granted i'm not waking up at 8am, but it's 3:30am and I'm still up. good job. i guess i just feel like there's "stuff" that needs to be done. and the whole last 2 weeks on the job thing/post giant event is also probably swaying my decision to not need to sleep so early.

today i FINALLY got a WiiFit. to be honest I hadn't been looking THAT hard. i'd check the aisles everytime i went to target, or best buy, or occasionally stop at the game stop or something if i was near on. it pretty much turned up empty, sometimes i'd get fooled by empty boxes on display... bastards. today i was at the target in weho and just happened to check the aisle. to my very disbelief there it was. two of them! i was like "wait.. is this just a mat? or a trick? some accessory?" but no.. it was it! eeeeee!! i went over to the counter and was going to ask the guy in the case to unlock it for me, when this little boy was all "excuse me sir, can we get the wii fit." i was there first, and i swear that if there weren't two i totally would have knocked him over because he wasn't even in the aisle or at the counter when i first got there. but, it's all good, i have my wiifit, and sadly i didn't break into it the second i got home, there were a few other things i had to do today, and when i got home and wanted to break into it, my roommate(s) were watching their horrid television show. more reason to hate BSG. haha. i will admit that that dude in it is hott, but i still don't think i'd ever start watching it. it's just going to stay in my pile of "things i hate just cuz" with michael phelps, eggplant and 92.3 the beat.

so it's 1:45am. i really should be sleeping, like bad. i slept ALL day saturday, like did not get out of bet until 6pm. i was TIRED. last night i got roughly 4 hours of sleep. this i bad. i have BAD habits, and i'm supposed to be getting more sleep now that the show is over. doesn't really happen.

i'm sitting (laying really) here listening to my girly strummy acoustickey music. started with tristan prettyman, moved to colbie caillat, going back to t.pretty in a sec. i get in those mood sometimes.

tonight i went to a screening of he's just not that into you. a fuller review will probably be on the puppies blog later this week, but i will say that it wasn't my favorite and i was kind of cringing through a majority of it. and i really liked 27 dresses. i mean, my roommate (and some of my super snobby prententious movie elitist friends) try to make me out to feel like 27 dresses is one of the worst movies ever. but i can relate. i can't relate to the he's just not that into you, while i can be uber girly sometimes, lately, i have had a hard time relating to the crazy. sorry. it makes me uncomfortable.

with that said... yes i'm still listening to girly rock. mostly because madly by t.pretty was in it, and i kind of *heart* that song.

anyhoo - life is kind of up in the air. i can't say that i know what i'm going to do, and i slightly enjoy it. sort of. i got extended another week at work, and then have jury duty after that. i think there's a vegas excursion in the works. my sister is coming back home - so that usually mean increased family time - which is good with the time off. then i'm really considering europe, and possibly asia. i like the idea of picking up and going. but reality sometimes sets in and i'm wondering just how plausible it all can be. with the current state of the economy and this recession we're in - in my own ignorant bubble sort of way, i can't say that i've really "felt" it. sure, i make less money, but that was a choice and a choice to take jobs that made me happy and to spread out. i don't think they were lower paying because of the economy - actually the position i'm in now supposedly is higher paying than it was last year. i'm actually saving money because i'm never home and eat at work always - so, i really am kind of living in a bubble. today i was talking to my father and realized that my 401k has decreased by 30-40%. that's kind of a lot. my dad shared some of his financial statistics to try and demonstrate that my loss is kind of how it is across the board, but seeing his not-so-success didn't make me feel much better. and it makes me think i shouldn't be squandering my money on things like vegas, europe, china, new dresses, and ... stuff. (not drugs.. promise...) that maybe i should try to find a really good paying job, even if it's not what i "want" to do, and so i can take care of myself, save up, and help my parents out/pay them back some. wow.. am i growing up?

not in the least.

haha.. i mean.. i don't know. watching this movie tonight - i probably laughed at all the inopportune moments, and thought 75% of the movie was dumb. does that mean i have issues? that i'm unfeeling? that i'm not being true to myself? that i'll end up alone? honestly, i don't know. here's to wondering what the future will bring - but i'm gonna have to say i hope i have at least some of this figured out by the time i'm 35. i think that's a good "need to have your shit together" age. hopefully earlier. i think i was aiming for 30 - but at this point, that seem premature.

funny enough i kind of have some ideas, but i never seem to have the means/aims to implement them. i guess that's what separates me from the bill gates/tom from myspace/ryan seacrest's of the world.

so while i feel like i need to find a career. i also think that some time off would be good to try and figure stuff out. or just learn and enjoy. i don't know. kind of dilemma - but not a terrible one.

and to leave you with - totally discrediting everything i said about me being non-girly. my super girly girl-rock lyrics:

Take time to realize,
That your worth is
Crashing down on in.
Take time to realize,
That I am on your side
Didn't I, didn't I tell you.

But I can't spell it out for you,
No, it's never gonna be that simple
But I can't spell it out for you

If you just realize what I've just realized,
Then we'd be perfect for each other
And we'll never find another
Just realized what I just realized
We'd never have to wonder if
We missed out on each other now...

colbie caillat, realize

I made a little video the goes into details about the SAG Awards Ceremony Auction for this year. While you may not care for certain celebrities of movies of this year, there are maybe things you care about like... james Earl Jones Autographed Star Wars Posters or Talking Darth Vader helmet, or Set visits to various TV shows (who wants to me AC Slater?!), or some other REALLY cool items like The Curious Case of Benjamin Button Costume Designer portfolio. That may be the one I like best. But there's also other really cool stuff like Entourage signed poster and dvd's, Autographed Slumdog poster (totally going to sweep the awards season), other signed items from Boston Legal, The Closer, House, Weeds, Dexter, 30 Rock, ... etc etc etc. There's also a Heath Ledger signed Brokeback Mountain poster. It starts @ $25k. I don't think anyone I know is going to be able to afford that - but if you're reading this, can afford that, and are a good looking fella - leave a comment now.

In short, there are TONS of really neat-o things, and I slaved over this video and even locked my car in a garage for a night because of it, so I'd really like you to watch it. And then bid on things. So I can look good.

THANKS.

http://www.sagawards.org/auction_store <-- CHECK ME OUT NOW.

haaaaaaappy new year.

so i totally forgot to mention that there's another blog. no, tv - i'm not cheating on you, but just sharing the wealth. i'm not as good at keeping up to date, or blogging as some people, but you've gotta have goals right?

i've been pretty sick as late, or at least this is the first time i let myself be this sick. i'm amazed that during the 5 months that i was on bedtime, that i didn't get terribly ill - with all the stress, not sleeping and crappy eating. there were a few days where I got sick, but they only lasted a day or two. i wasn't "allowed" to get sick. hah. the last two weeks of december, i had been battling and minor cold, and it would come and go and this past monday it came back with a vengeance. i stayed home sick from work Thursday and Friday and "worked from home" and i did - but it was more about me sitting around in my pj's. i was pretty much forced to stay home though because i share an office in a really tight space with 4 other people, and no one is wanting to get sick with the two weeks we have ahead of us. i guess it wasn't so bad. except for the fact that i feel like poo.

i switched my comments system over to the blogspot system. scarily enough - when i started this blog, blogspot didn't have comments as part of their system - but now.. the system that i was using - is going out of business. does that make me feel old or what? anyhoo - i'm going to try and beef up certain things of my internet skillz - mostly because there is so much out there that i'm not taking advantage of. do a better job, jean.

one thing that i have been thinking about lots too is what my life is going to be like in about a month from now. well, technically i'll still have a job, but i'll be 3 days away from not. i haven't really started looking, under the guise that i'd like to "take a break". but if these past few days have taught me anything, is that i get bored really easily. i'm not sure i could handle doing "nothing". although having free time while not being sick can be a different experience. i've contemplated traveling, moving to another city (eek!) or just trying to keep building my life here. i haven't really gone any further on any decisions, and kind of am going to wait to cross that bridge when i come to it. i'm not sure if that's a wise idea or not - but that's what i'm gonna do. i feel kind of weird trying to plan so far in advance (wow.. did those words just come out of my mouth?)

anyhoo.. here is the "new" blog (new is in quotes, because it's not a replacement, just additional!"
Jean and Andrea get a Puppy

AAAAAANNNNDD... here are a few sites for my work. check them out. be my friend.
http://www.sagawards.org
http://www.sagawards.org/auction_store
http://twitter.com/sagawards
http://www.myspace.com/sagawards
SAG Awards Facebook Profile>
http://weblog.xanga.com/sagawards
http://sagawards.livejournal.com/

here's to 2009.

Okay, so maybe I don't have a "real" reason why today sucks and posting the story about how Jaymie's birthday was a sort of giant FAIL would probably be more interesting, but I don't have the energy for that - so I'm going to just kind of whine in the attempt it makes me feel better.

Two days ago I worked 31 hours straight... it kind of wiped me out. I guess I sort of expected it, and it's not the first time I had pulled an all nighter, but I definitely passed out the second I hit the bed, and maybe even a few times at my desk sub-conciously. I slept from 5pm-10pm, and then had some QRT and them slept for like 9 more hours. Should have been good right? Except today I was still massively sluggish and had a major headache. You could say I was still exhausted, or that I slept too much. Either way, today wasn't the funnest, but there was work to be done, along with our holiday party. That was fun, but I am beginning to feel more and more awkward in social situations, and a little more distant. I find myself not really wanting to talk to new people, for the simple fact that I feel like I have NOTHING to say. Or sometimes people just annoy me. Everything seems like a task or a chore, and that annoys me too. I don't know what is wrong with me, that I got to be like that. I think I need help.

Today was my mom's birthday, and I called to wish her a happy birthday. I know people don't like to make big deals about their own birthday, but when I want to make a big deal about yours, I want you to let me. She didn't want to go out, or do anything, and was kind of being a grump about it. But I know she still wanted to, so of course I went home. Except I was trying to finish up some stuff, and didn't leave work until 8pm. Stupid. That was dumb of me. So I was stressing out about not being there in time, and all this other nonsense, especially because I know my mom is crazy and while she didn't want to make a big deal about her birthday, she still really wanted me to be there and have dinner with me, and I totally failed at that. And when I didn't think it was that big of a deal, I realized my mom had gotten kind of dressed up in a nice sparkly sweater to go out to dinner with me. I SUCK.

Got home and my dad had already made dinner. I felt bad because I was late, I felt icky because I was tired, and just... bleh. I ate some, listened to my mom talk on the phone, and I was bored. I felt kind of bad because we should be hanging out, or spending quality time with my parents - but we don't do that. My mom sits on the phone or watches TV, my dad plays card games on his computer, and I.. sit. there. Which sometimes I don't mind, and other times, I just really wanted to be at home sleeping. What also makes me sad is that my dad went out and bought a cake that my mom really likes, and an angel cookie to put on top, and my mom just kind of shuts him down because she's mad at him for other reasons. Doesn't really want to talk to him, doesn't want to take pictures with him, and that's also hard to see a relationship deteriorate like that. It's sad. It makes me sad. I also realized that we should have made a bigger deal about it, it's my mom's 60th birthday and all, and I showed up late. I SUCK EVEN MORE. Anyhoo, we ate cake, I yawned a few more times and my parents sent me home.

I also stopped at Best Buy after work, because I got an email saying my Rock Band 2 was available for pick up, but the line was too long, and I was already late - so I left. Grr. On my way back to the apartment, I realized that it was holiday hours and Best Buy could still be open, so I went to pick up my Rock Band 2 and the girl couldn't find it. UGH. I waited around, searched the store, and she still could not find it. Then she tells me the computer system is messed up and although they have none there, the computer sent me the email anyways and there's nothing they could do. WHAT? LAME. I find out where there might be some at other stores and literally wasted 1/2 hour of my life. For some reason it just pushed me over the edge and just makes me really angry. I hate when things don't go right.

I also have been slightly stressing out about something else that didn't seem to go right. I know it's not something I should be worrying about, but I dwell, cuz that's what I do. I'm a dweller. POOP.

Bright side of today... I got a bunch of screeners from work. Movie watching here I come.

Cake courtesy of my dad

I shouldn't have added that last line.

So I just got home from work a little bit ago. Is this looking to be a trend of days to come? I don't think so. It's funny how my new hours are pretty chill and I wonder how they're going to get such a big event done in just a few short weeks, but everyone is really pleasant and gets mad at me when I stay past 7pm or come in too much before 10am. Yea, that weirds me out, too.

Tomorrow we have a launch, so I had to construct a bunch of sites. True, I could have been doing them last week instead of facebooking, but I didn't have the proper info. Hindsight, 20/20. We stayed until late, my boss refused to leave without me and tomorrow we've been ordered to not come in before noon. I thought about coming in at 10 anyways, because I am totally capable of doing it. But who wants to me THAT girl? Not me.

The point of this blog mainly was that tomorrow, I know that they'll be really appreciated of the work we did and won't be shy in showing it. Tonight, when it was late and people we're tired and there was still a lot to do, nobody snapped at anyone. Everyone helped each other, nobody tried to look better than anyone else, and there wasn't anyone creating really negative spaces or energy. I realize even more now how important that is. People can be pleasant, but it's the people who are genuinely pleasant when the going gets tough are the ones everyone always want around. Keep that one in mind.

Good night!

Working on the third floor near a giant picture window isn't so bad. I just need to figure out how to get this for my bedroom view.

sometimes you just need a little pick me up:

jay: um you didnt tell me the time you picked her drunk ass up when she was with a guy you liked that it was Mv1.0
me: oh.. embarassing
me: did i tell you that?
me: did she tell you this?
jay: she told me
jay: she told me that's how awesome you are
jay: i was like, i know
jay: how awesome jean is and i heard that story
jay: and honestly
jay: you can do way better than Mv1.0

spaz: look at what I found!
spaz: [redacted]
me: hahahahah
me: stalker!
spaz: [redacted]
spaz: [redacted]
me: OMG.
spaz: [name redacted] is still f*cking boring!!!
me: LOL
spaz: you're welcome.

I would even spend my very last text messages on you. - aki

<3

So this day gets even better. I went to the wrong place on my first
day. I must seem like the biggest tard ever.

Who wants to hear a funny story?

So I was loading my computer into my car and foolishly I locked my
keys in my trunk. Awesome. Did I mention it's the first day at my new job? So now I'm watching this triple a guy tear away at my car trying to open and unlock the door, but he can't. So, for one thing I should be thankful that it's not that easy to break into my car, but it's a little painful to watch him jam his sharp toothy tool down the door to unsuccessfully unlock my door. Funny enough, the whole time the alarm
didn't go off. I guess I should be kinds thankful for that too.

Aaaand he just left because he said it was too hard and he can't do it. Awesome. I called triple a again and they said they're going to send someone more skilled who should be able to do it. Next time send that guy first okay? I guess it's actually time to invest in a spare
key. Meh.

So my parents wanted me to take this picture and send it to my sister so they could be like "look, we're eating thanksgiving dinner!". First of all, that's mean. And second, there's no turkey! My sister's right. I should have had my mom ask and make sure there was a turkey. But I didn't think I needed to. Who doesn't eat turkey on Thanksgiving??!! Apparently there was a turkey one year and no one ate it, so now they eat ham. FYI people: ham is for Christmas. If I leave now, I might be able to still make it to Hometown Buffet.

Don't replace one moron with Moron v 2.0 - workBFF

hilariously good advice that I received today...

so i really should be going to bed so i can wake up early and come right back here to work and do it all again... but i'm not. oops. i should know better, but i don't do it, and i'm about to fall asleep on this couch. would that be so horrible? i could "nap" on this couch at work, wake up and download some files, go home and brush my teeth and then drive to hollywood for the review. wow.. that just sounds sad. it's weird though - because when i get busy and work this much - i kind of get used to working so much, and not hanging out with people. so much so, that it seems overwhelming when i have to socialize. it's like those kids who get locked in closets. what is also dumb and weird is that every so often i realize that the world just goes on without me and get a little sad about it. i'm like "oh wow, you have this whole relationship and i have no idea what's going on." or "your sister came and visited and i just totally missed it." as i tend to dwell in the past, i've been thinking about how life has changed in the past few years. where i've lived, what i've done, what i've accomplished, who i've hung out with, and where i am now. there is no conclusion really, or point, i just spend a lot of time thinking about it. (is this what happens when you get closer to being older?!)

anyways.. the reason why i came to blog is because i just wanted to write about the day. as we are trying to deliver this show, (that we were supposed to deliver a few weeks ago), this week has been a little crazy. people are getting testy, high strung, a few arguments have ensued, sometimes strongly worded emails and flown across. funny enough, i don't think i've cried this week. a few times i've wanted to, but haven't. a few times i've yelled, walked around, swore words (i told myself to stop with the outbursts as work.. but i just can't help it), but haven't cried. maybe that's an accomplishment. maybe i'm building up this thick skin they say you need or something. today i:

1. left work at 3am, returned at 9:30am
2. bought a breakfast sandwich that i ate two bites of and didn't eat all day and just threw away. sad face.
3. got yelled at, twice, before noon.
4. witnessed my boss yell at the head of production, and then hang up on in the next conversation
5. got bay cities and then only ate half of that
6. downloaded over 5000 files in a few hours, i heart you Aspera.
7. had strong words with this line producer, and continued to gripe LOUDLY about her for a few hours. that probably wasn't so professional
8. figured out someone tried to tech fix something they never finaled... lame.
9. discussed with everyone how the man-in-charge keeps using this word incorrectly, but keeps saying it like he's so smart and no one wants to correct him. i offered up a dollar to anyone who told him he was using the word wrong.

despite all that, it hasn't been a "bad" day. maybe i've learned how to let things go easier, maybe i don't care anymore, maybe i'm done feeling. at least with this for now. okay fine.. that's not true. maybe i'm just trying not to be so boo hoo woe is me, because i've realized how annoying it is when other people talk about how much things suck, how much work they have to do, and just generally be so negative all the time. i'm trying to work on that... in the work context at least.

i'm really kind of sad right now. you want to know how many times i've had to re-organize the board at work? too many. like at least 4, which doesn't sound like a lot, but considering the amount of work that it takes to reorganize this board, it makes me sad. 1 of those times, i had to buy nicole and andrea dinner to have them come help me and it took the 3 of us 3 hours to get it done. that's 9 hours people. and then i organized it in a way that would make sense. make it easy. organized it by sequence (which it kind of like by vendor) and then by date so it was clear what was being done, and not a lot of reorganizing would have to be done in order to to keep it updated. everytime i do something, someone wants it done a different way. people who have no idea what it takes to keep it updated, or care. because it's not their problem. it's mine. and if that was my only problem, i would be less whiney. but it's not. sure. i could be reorganizing the board instead of blogging, but that's not going to me less sad, so here i am blogging. first i had it organized by sequence and by date. then someone stupid dumbass bright idea thinks it's better to do it by date first, then sequence. that's dandy, thanks. i had to updated and move it all around since the weeks have gone by. now i get to reorganize it so it's by vendor (pseudo sequence) and by reel. when i make a grumpy face because it's more hours spent doing mindless shit, my boss hands me a piece of paper saying, it's not hard, it's all on the paper, it's all right here. thanks. i know it's not hard. i'm not an idiot. i know how to follow a piece of paper, and i know exactly what you mean. it just sucks. that's what the face is about. and it's not just about the work, but the fact that they just think that this is my job. sure ... it is. but when i suggested bringing someone in to help out with "stuff"... this is the kind of stuff i meant. you want me to organize shot review, and keep people on track, review your change orders, submit weekly status reports, make sure people are on track, and do your shot board. and then you say things like "i don't need snacks" - but when it comes down to it and you want coffee, or lunch, because, yea.. you need to eat. who's gets to do that. me. you joke around and say things like "oh.. we should send the PA for a coffee run... oh wait" in an attempt to be funny, but it's also a subtle hint that you want coffee, and want me to go get it. i really want to say that i'm done with that shit. but i can't, because i care too much. i care that all the little shit is done right, that the big shit i have to do gets pushed to the side because it requires more time, and then someone does it before me. someone else says they're gonna order pizza. on more than two occasions you've said you were going to do it, and it never happened, because you got "busy" and there was no dinner. that's probably my fault too. i'm sad because i get pigeon holed into this category where my responsibilities are all the minute shit that isn't important to you - but yet when it comes down to it, i have to be responsible for the big stuff, i just never get any credit for it.

i think i'm going to take that other job, only because it's a change of pace. i think i'll be able to get away from the "admin" side of needing to take care of your crap and be responsible for my projects. maybe i'm too sensitive, or too paranoid, but it slightly makes me want to cry that i'm constantly feeling more under valued. when i was little, i would express this to my mom, and she's like, i'm not going to sugar coat things, and be all sweety and lovey dovey. and it's weird because when people are that way to me, i get really uncomfortable. but when i don't get it, i need it. yes, need. it's a fine line on the amount and the method though.

am i being paranoid and just looking for someone to blame when i think the other girl is sabotaging stuff to edge me out? is that just the business and i should accept it? i've been given a wrap date, and other girls i've heard is later than mine. i'd like to just leave a bunch of stuff for her to do, and then people can see how much i took care of, but then it will default into one of those things like "poor her, jean just left without doing all this stuff and other girl is the hero for getting it done" that's how people are. i don't get it. i need lessons on how to make myself look like a martyr without it looking like that's what i'm doing. or at least how to too my own horn without it being all .. look at me. i also need to learn how to respond in a manner that's not so "duh." it's weird because i feel like people ask me stupid questions, and so i respond with stupid answers. things that make sense to me, people might not get. so when they're asking questions, i need to be less argumentative and more agreeable. this part is hard, because i think too much, am over-opinionated and kind of outspoken. when i'm confirming or agreeing with people, i need to make it seem less like i'm shooting them down. that doesn't even sound like it makes sense, wtf. i need to find a way for people to take me seriously, and not just think i'm being naive or frivolous or young. i need my opinion to matter. yes, i'm an ego maniac, an attention whore, and a greedy jerk. that's basically what this entire post was about.

Japanese version of a wanted ad

this is my 900th post! whoa!

and it's dedicated to workBFF because we have the best conversations and inspires me to try an blog half as well as her. (yuk.. that was way too mushy)

me: did you go back to vote?
duckee: i voted absentee
me: gotcha
duckee: yah. it was fun, but not as fun. did you vote?
me: not yet.. i was supposed to go this morning, but my meeting got cancelled, and i had a call.
duckee: oh
me: so i'm gonna try to book it after our evening review to go vote
duckee: i kinda feel like lines will be shorter in the afternoon
me: yesterday they said that they were gonna make me got during lunch.. but THAT didn't happen
duckee: that's un-american. barack obama does not approve that message.
me: hahahah. dude.. how much does it suck that his grandmother died yesterday
duckee: i know, right. if he loses, he'll probably be epically depressed.
me: omg.. that would be the worst day ever.


me: should we go to this?
me: http://www.thrillist.com/LA2Year/
me: pro = free jameson
me: con = angry clowns
duckee: pro: photobooth
duckee: con: hollywood
me: yea.. that too
duckee: this is tough.
me: the clowns might be a deal breaker for me

Obama and Korean tofu with my mom

I haven't spent a lot of time researching the election, but I like
Obama. I think he's really charismatic. I get the warm fuzzies
thinking about the turnout and how much people care and it gives me
hope about the future, and people.

Obamanos!

Head under water
And they tell me... to breathe easy for a while
The breathing gets harder... even I know that
You made room for me but it's too soon to see
If I'm happy in your hands
I'm unusually... hard to hold on to
Blank stares at blank pages
No easy way to say this
You mean well, but you make this hard on me

I'm not gonna write you a love song
'Cause you asked for it
'Cause you need one, you see
I'm not gonna write you a love song
'Cause you tell me it's
Make or break in this
If you're on your way
I'm not gonna write you... to stay
If all you have is leaving I'm gonna need a better
Reason to write you... a love song today
Today, yeah

I learned the hard way
That they all say... things you want to hear
And my heavy heart... sinks deep down under you and
Your twisted words,
Your help just hurts
You are not what I thought you were
Hello... to high and dry
Convinced me to please you
Made me think that I need this too
I'm trying to let you hear me as I am

I'm not gonna write you a love song
'Cause you asked for it
'Cause you need one, you see
I'm not gonna write you a love song
'Cause you tell me it's
Make or break in this
If you're on your way
I'm not gonna write you to stay
If all you have is leaving I'm gonna need a better
Reason to write you... a love song today

Promise me... you'll leave the light on
To help me see... with daylight, my guide, gone
'Cause I believe there's a way... you can love me
Because I say
I won't write you a love song
'Cause you asked for it
'Cause you need one, you see
I'm not gonna write you a love song
'Cause you tell me it's make or break in this
Is that why you wanted a love song
'Cause you asked for it
'Cause you need one, you see

I'm not gonna write you a love song
'Cause you tell me it's make or break in this
If you're on your way
I'm not gonna write you... to stay
If your heart is nowhere in it
I don't want it for a minute
Babe, I'll walk the seven seas when I believe that
There's a reason to
Write you... a love song today

-sara bareilles, love song

BOO!!!!!!!

my door at work. thank you, andrea!

i'm not religious at all - but i need some of this...

GOD, grant me the
Serenity
to accept the things
I cannot change
Courage
to change the
things I can
and the
Wisdom
to know the difference.

Work on a Sunday. I SO don't want to be here. But I am rockin out to
the Tony Rich Project, so there is an upside.

Score!!! Now if they could just let me customize my text MSG
sounds... I have the best one ever.

Testing!

Testing to see if blogging from my iPhone works

so. let me tell you one of my pet peeves. i hate. hate hate HATE when people come in and change your shit around because they think their idea is better. if it's a better idea sure. fine. yea, that makes sense. but i spend a lot of time thinking about things and how they work, and how they'll work in the future to what's best. and in reality too. like.. sure.. you might think your idea is good, but are you going to maintain it and carry it out? Or is it going to be my job to carry out your crappy idea that's going to just be trouble for me? most of the time (with the exception of a few people) your idea isn't better. And sure, sometimes i'll split hairs. Sometimes your way is one way, and my way is another way - and they're both good, so who cares. But when I've spent a few days plus all day today doing it one way, is it really that necessary to change it to your way? Especially when today is the last time you'll ever touch it? You saw me doing it this way last week, and saw me doing it this way all day today. Only when I'm almost finished do you say "hey, let's do it this way!" Sure. Go for it. Yes. Maybe I'm being kind of a child by just walking away and not helping. I'm not really offended that you don't like the way I've organized it, I just hate wasting my time. And I've just wasted 4 hours today, and I'm not going to waste anymore. It'll probably be up to me to maintain it, or I can just wash my hands of it completely. What's funny is that no one would have taken any initiative to get it done, unless I started doing it. And now everyone else is going to get credit for making the board look great. "you did all the hard work, now you just have to re-do it"

yea thanks. that's a not so much.

cute client services boy i like to smile at: "do you need anything else?"
me: "no thanks, i'm good." smiley face.

how this conversation should have went:
cute client services boy i like to smile at: "do you need anything else?"
me: "you."

the sky will fall before that conversation ever actually happens. *sigh

it just started raining as i was walking back to my office from lunch. guess who just got her car washed on saturday? boo!! i'm hoping the rain passes by the time i get off work - it's pseudo safe in the garage for now.

i think i should consider not drinking for awhile. friday night was "fun" and saturday morning was kind of awful. i can't remember many conversations, phone calls and text messages from friday night, and i say things that.. i can't tell that i don't mean, or i just don't want to admit, or i don't even know i was thinking! whoa. really though, no more drinking for awhile - the thought of it almost makes me a little ill. heh. we'll see how long that lasts though.

i will say that i do miss the mall. probably because i don't go there a lot. sometimes i think i hate it because it's such a hassle. but on saturday, i walked into the mall, and it was just all sorts of goodness. bought some jewelry, almost got talked into getting my ears pierced, and had good food. the mall is great. you know where else is great? target and costco. i bought lots of food that i probably won't be eating any time soon (i mostly tried to buy stuff that wouldn't go to waste though!) and cooked dinner at my sister's on sunday. it makes me really want a house (and or just bigger kitchen with nicer kitchen stuff) and/or have a dinner party again. a nice one. but there's no time, and not really an occasion (not that you "really" need one.) but most especially, not really a lot of room. we'll see what we can do about that.

i'm in a very anti work mood today, even though i have TONS to do. six weeks(ish) to go! (whoops, my boss just walked up behind me while i was blogging. HAH. i should probably get on gettin' on.)

damn you workBFF. you're not online so I can complain to you. no one that i can talk to is really online right now. it's monday morning at 9am. what do i expect?

so i'm having a good morning, despite the fact that i came in early for a shot delivery that is happening at 9:30. cool. it's okay. i have my large free coffee bean, a breakfast burrito and a C monster. i'm set. i've also go hilarious office antics. and by hilarious, i mean ridiculous. the way it's supposed to go in the morning is that we're supposed to get these shots, DUMB was coming in early to cut in the shots for us. at least that's what it said in the email i got. so i'm here, and we get one of the two shots. i put it in DUMB's folder, and when she comes in this morning (not early) i go to tell her it's there. she tells me that she prefers for other person to do it. which is fine. so i ask her how her weekend was, and she replies "same as everyone else's" and i play dumb and say "oh, were you here on saturday?" and she's like "yea". and so i say "well, did you at least do something fun yesterday?" and mind you, this whole time she's just prepping her breakfast, back turned towards me, not even replying. she scoffs/laughs and says "i don't know why you're asking me these questions." so in a sing songy voice i say "just trying to be friendly" as i walk way. that probably wasn't annoying. maybe partially i enjoy it. do i really think i'm still trying to get along with her? i can't tell.

whatever... my breakfast burrito loves me.

I don't know why I'm still at work. It's 1:07am, and I have to be back here in roughly 7 hours. Actually, less than 7 hours because I'm supposed to be back at 8am. Stupid time zones. I was doing reports ALL day today that should have taken me hours. I don't know why it took me SO long. It's terrifying. I also am being really nitpicky about these reports, and a little OCD about it. I don't know what it is. In some weird way, this job makes me bitter, cynical, mean and hate people in all their stupidity... but yet I continue to keep at it. Maybe because it's the one thing in my life that I can control, or being good at it will bring something better to my life. Or I'm just uber OCD in general. I hate feeling like I'm disorganized or I don't know what I'm talking about and I'm constantly chasing my tail. Except I'm ALWAYS feeling this way because that's how this show is. I really didn't need to spend 12 hours on three reports. REALLY? Ugh. Sometimes I need to just say enough is enough.

Bleh.

everytime i watch this, i still kind of laugh a little.

work is great story # 550848324

i just saw amy adams. she's so cute. i kind of heart her.

work is great story # 549302394

so last night i check my email on a whim, since you know, i have my fancy new iphone and all. and find that our scanning vendor can access the sites to upload the files our vendors need to work on shots. good times. so i call them, test my connections, and then tell them to use the ftp instead. the connection later starts working, and say, hey you can use the connection now too. sounds good eh? i mean, i know it wasn't necessarily "my" problem to solve and i'm not in charge of scans anymore, and the person who is, doesn't like me touching her stuff (because she's DUMB) - but i figure - hey... it's midnight, no one else is going to solve this problem, my vendor is going to be at work in a few hours and have no scans, and that's going to suck, i'm going to fix this.

problem is fixed, except the scanning vendor only uploaded 1 out of the 3 scans they were supposed to send. gee. great. i ask DUMB if she saw the mail, and first of all, when i say "hey DUMB", she replies "WHAT." umm. good morning to you too. i know i'm not a morning person, but ooooookay. she says to me about the issue that "yea, it's that whole issue with the aspera thing, i thought you were working on that" (that's also another reason why i don't like doing anything, once i say even one word, DUMB will say "well you're taking care of it, i'm not doing anything". hey lady, there's no I in TEAM.") so i clarify that they only received 1 out of the 3 and as she is walking away (actually, she never even stopped to talk to me...) she says, yea, we'll have to call the scanning vendor. and because i'm unclear, and i don't want it to fall into one of those things where she'll say that i was supposed to be taking care of it, i say "are you going to call them" and she yells down the hall "YES I'M GOING TO CALL THE SCANNING VENDOR." umm.. thanks. w.t.f. but it's a good thing that i've started to learn how to cover my ass.

seriously. i don't get why people behave like this. or why or how i illicit this behavior out of people. i mean.. i'm not all distraught about this (today...). it's actually pretty comical this morning. but there's gotta be something about me, because this has happened more than once. there's always the one person who doesn't like me for some reason or another and treats me kind of like that. they all kind of have the same attitude and personality - so maybe i just don't mesh well with that. in my own ego-ness, i'd like to think it's because they're so jealous and lame, they have to talk shit because they have nothing better to do, because i am awesome. yup, that's pretty much it ;P

proof that i have the humor of a 12 year old boy (not like you need anymore):

me: oooh.. who are you gonna pick

crackerman: i choo choo choose bill maher

me: basically yourself.

crackerman: heh. i suppose so. hey man, if i dont love me who will?
me: haha.. rosie

crackerman: ew

me: HAH.

So I really should probably be sleeping. I have an all morning meeting for a run through in which no one from our team is attending at night which, to me, seems sketchy. I'd like to say that it was an oversight, but we came to the conclusion that leaving us out is partially intentional. Or maybe people are really just that stupid. It just doesn't make sense how people operate sometimes. You don't think it's important that people who are giving direction on how things will look need to be there in the review of the product? Really?

Which brings me to original subject and point of me blogging instead of sleeping.

Ever since I've started this job, I've had an issue with a few things, the long hours, the massive amount of work, the confusion - but one hasn't been as constant or annoying as the attitude. True, you're never going to have the ideal working environment, and there are always people who are you're going to want to punchemintheface, but it can be so much better or so much worse. Since the beginning I've had to deal with two constant painsinmyass. These ladies, P & K, started out... sort of nice. Sort of. And maybe because I don't suck up to them, maybe because I'm so head strong, maybe because.. you know... I have no clue. They don't like me, and openly ignore my existence, talk to me as little as possible, and a flat out rude to my face. I DON'T GET IT. How do "grown ass people" (for lack of a better term) act like this? In the work place? No clue. Sometimes I laugh it off, because it's funny how stupid people are, and other times it really gets to me. My co-workers have told me not to take it personal, and know that their people skills suck, and while I don't take it all that personal, and I know it's not all me, it's still really frustrating and trying to be constantly be treated like that and to have to put up with it, on top of all the other things that I need to do. It's increasingly frustrating when it impedes me from doing a good job.

Example: Today there was a shortage of crew gifts floating around, however... I got one. I wanted to switch out my Medium for a Small, and since I knew there was an extra Small floating around, I wanted to switch out. However, P grabbed the extra before I could switch it out because she wanted to solve her shortage problem. I asked if I could switch out the Medium I had for the Small she just grabbed (because really, there's like one person on your crew who is a Small and you have 4 Smalls and 2 XL's. I'm really helping you out here.) Anyways... she acted all indignant, and so I said "if this messes up your plan, I don't have to switch." So then she says to me, has the freaking nerve to say to me "it doesn't mess up my plan, but I'm just trying to figure out how to get jackets for the people who have been on the show since the beginning."

Umm.. okay. Well technically, you're short a jacket for someone who hasn't been on the show since the beginning, so what are you talking about? And guess what? You gave your lazyhardlyworthanythingdoltofa PA a jacket and he's been around about just as long as me, and if you think he deserves one more than I do, then you're fucking retarded. It's not about the jacket. Really, I could care less. I mean, I like free stuff, who doesn't? But the idea that she didn't think I deserved a certain level of respect from her and her excuse is because I haven't been on the show since the beginning? That would fine if I wasn't saving this show's ass on a daily basis.

I'm going to stop complaining now. I know it's not personal, and I know it's not me. I know I'm the freaking shit and my boss got the best deal ever when he hired me (*sigh). You know what makes me smile? Is when I get emails from vendors like "p.s. it has been a pleasure working with you guys! you are far more organized than many of my clients." And "thanks for being a cool and good coordinator, it makes it SO much easier :)". And pseudo job offers. Then I know that the people that I actually work with can vet for the job that I'm doing, instead old jealous people who can't take their head out of their ass long enough to know what's going on. Okay, that was mean. And I don't really mean it. Part of me wishes that people could just like me. I seem to have those certain set of people who just do not like me. What gives? I hate if it trickles on to people who matter - but I feel like that hopefully the truth would come through in the end, or those people who do matter, know what's up. *sigh.. oh well.

Anyways.. I'll stop whining now. I'm so gonna fall asleep in that theatre tomorrow. Or if I'm lucky on the drive the way there :P (kidding.)

blog. i've missed you. i'm sorry i've neglected you. i think about you all the time. i always think to myself "i'm gonna blog about this" i'm sorry that i don't. i'll try to do better in the future. it's not you, it's me.

here's what i want to give to you this morning:

inappropriate conversations from work:
me: (bringing extra coffee to jen) here jen, you can double fist is
jen: you shouldn't say that to a lesbian.


mikeT: i heard the grossest that's what she said joke the other day
me: what is it?
mikeT: well, i had this cut on my lip and i said "man, this thing just won't stop bleeding!"
everyone: .... ew.
(although that's a pretty good one...)

and here's an older one i meant to post but didn't. it's still excellent:

crackerman: OoOoO
Jean: ?
crackerman: its the olympic rings! duh
Jean: hahaha you should have sent me 2 ims then
crackerman: heh
crackerman: O O O
crackerman: O O
crackerman: damnit
Jean: FAIL
crackerman: it like autocorrected my spaces!
crackerman: not my fault!
crackerman: .-=-. .-=-. .-=-.
/ \ / \ / \
| | | |
\ ./. ./. /
'-' '\-/' '\=-'
| | |
\ / \ /
'-=-' '-=-'
crackerman: man, fail again.
crackerman: i give up
Jean: hahahahah
Jean: a for effort
crackerman: thanks

ps. my sister just joined facebook. it's overtaking the freaking world.

Jean: http://www.skingcompany.com/detail.asp?product_ID=RPDF168
duckee: wtf
duckee: hahahaha
duckee: want.
Jean: i know
Jean: best road trip ever.
duckee: 5 foot cords? haha how is that even necessary
Jean: in like rv's?
duckee: ah
duckee: but they have normal plugs
Jean: oh right.
Jean: suv's then
Jean: like the big ones.
Jean: or stretch limos?
duckee: lol
duckee: yeah
duckee: stretch limos
duckee: that makes sense
Jean: yup.. on your way to prom, drink some champagne, have a panini
duckee: best. prom. ever.


jmig: omg
Jean: ?
jmig: did we talk last night
jmig: or did i leave a vm again?
Jean: haha
Jean: we talked.
jmig: ok
jmig: i thought so

it's late and i really should be sleeping.. but i figured since i'm up and did a little bit of work stuff.. i'm gonna check my other email, chat with my friends and check facebook. BAD IDEA. facebook is the devil and it really just sucks.you.in.

anyways.. i've wanted to blog for awhile, but just hadn't had the chance to. here i am! i'm a little bummed. my sister is going to the olympics with her new fam (jakester and b!) and my mom is gonna get to go too. (and this is after they already when to prague this summer!!) they were trying to convince my dad to go - and i think he totally should because he deserves a good vacation - but he's not really that wild about the olympics (or sports in general) and thinks it's too taxing, too crowded and not really his idea of restful. which i get. he also might not want to go to china. haha.. he's a purist like that. BUT.. when i found out there was a possibility of everyone but me going.. i got really sad.. and to make matters worse.. here's my boss:

me: my whole family's going to the olympics
jen & scott: that's awesome!
jen: you should go! oh.... you can't go..
scott: yea... guess who's getting a pin?!
me: [death glare]

if you don't know .. i LOVE the olympics... i mean love. i don't know if it's the spirit, the athleticism, the camaraderie, the competition or even the theme song. (i heart you john williams) but i get all tingly about the olympics. my sister is going to get to go, probably do some pretty neato vip things, and be at the olympics. man. i mean.. i guess i can't really complain - i've been to the us open, and other big things, and this year, gary hall jr. didn't even qualify so he won't be there - so i guess it's not my time. but still.

i saw the mummy 3 tonight. god was that movie awful. and i like some bad movies. sometimes i think i'm more sensitive to stuff that has to do with chinese/asian/minority cultures. but it wasn't bad on that front as much as just bad overall. i have a special soft spot in my heart for rob cohen, so it was enjoyable (especially since i had low expectations). i could get into it.. and there were moments where i was really caught up in the "action". and then some really awful plot/script line would pull me out of it. my favorite is when one of the chinese actresses just starts screaming in english - when she was primarily speaking chinese the whole time. w.t.f. bad idea, rob cohen. but that's just a real minor concern i'm sure. it's making money, so that's the bottom line. i paid money for it, and the theatre was decently filled. so.. yay? i still can't believe r&h got first in the credits before dd. mothereffers.

one last funny anecdote. i saw the sandman today. nicole's all excited about it. she gave me all sorts of suggestions of what to say to him. asked me how he smells :P i think she just secretly wants me to get fired so she doesn't have to be all jealous that i breathe same air as shank.man. or maybe that i'm like one circle away from mr. dreamy hs musical. hah. anyhoo.. i was sitting at my desk late at night and i hear this knock on the window and i'm like "uhhh.." and i was about to ignore the knock and then i was like "someone could be locked out." so i walk over to the window, but i can't see cuz it's dark outside and the lights are on inside. so i have to get really close to the glass, like put my face up against the window close. and this guy outside is like "it's adam" and i was about to be like "adam who?" and then i realized it was the main dude in the show. oops. HAH. i let him in an now he forever owes me. riiight. i'm sure he's already forgotten about it. although when i went to go say good night he did look a little more friendly, as opposed to when i said hi the first time he kind of gave me the "who are you and why are you talking to me" look. but i'm also probably overanalyzing cuz that's what i do. it's fun. try it sometime.

downside to sleeping all day because i was so FUCKING exhausted is that now i'm staying up late and 8am when i have to wake up for work is now only a few hours away. i wasn't tired at midnight - but now i am and am just being stupid for staying up. but i miss my blog - so i thought i'd write a quick hello. i am finally getting around to doing a few frivolous things like chatting with the roommate, posting pictures (yea.. i FINALLY posted my last day @ DD pictures.. yea.. from more than a month ago. i suck) and a few other things. since i'm uploading pictures .. i thought this would be a good time to blog.

i have this unhealthy love for las vegas. i know it's bad for me, but i want it. all the time. okay, maybe not all the time. but i do enjoy it. it allows me to exploit all my bad habits, but makes them seem like the norm - wasting money, drinking, eating lots - which is probably why it's called the sin city. there are tons of bad habits which i have picked up from my father, and he has a pretty unhealthy love (moreso than i) for vegas too. which is why i thought it was obvious that for his 60th birthday - that's where we were going. he tried to be a butthead and cancel it a few times because he was worried i wouldn't have any money with this new job of mine - but i'm stubborn like that and proceeded anyways. i guess that's what people do - say they don't want something for you.. that's the nice side of people. anyways.

this was the view from my bed. i booked a room at the jockey club (my new favorite hotel in vegas) that was a suite, so we had a kitchen and a living room, and there were two beds in the bedroom. i could see the bellagio fountains from my bed, i felt so baller. it was kind of crappy cuz they were doing so much construction around the area - but the room was great and the price was great, and i didn't have to share a bed. awesome.

for dinner i took my dad to smith & wollenskys. my meal wasn't great - only because i ordered the poorly - but everything there was pretty fucking fantastic. i had to emphasize that with a curse word, i'm sorry, but that's how amazing it was. they were out of prime rib (which is what i originally wanted) and instead got filet mignon with this bernaise sauce ALL OVER IT.. and that was a little much for me.

but from their bread, to their salad, to my dad's 3lb lobster, to there mac n' cheese (BEST.EVER.), to their birthday dessert - everything was so good. i am drooling just thinking about it and want to go to vegas right now solely to have some mac n cheese. yikes.

after playing blackjack at the bellagio until late friday night, my dad and i headed to this locals casino that they found last time that my sister's friend took us too. he wanted to stay there, and i'm glad we didn't because although it was nice, but it was far from the strip and i like being where the action is :P my favorite was the penny slots that i played, and normally i HATE slot machines because they just eat my money like no other. but this one had two bonus reels where it'd multiplied your winnings. i was also very tired and not really feeling like thinking while playing blackjack, so i sat and pulled a lever.

it made really dramatic sounds and flashed lights and got me all excited. and then i realized i was getting excited for 250 credits. which sound like a lot, until you remember that i'm playing slot machines and that's $2.50. although i did score a few pretty big scores and got $84 once (that was my high). and that made me excited. although there was another machine i walked away from where the lady won $400 or so, and then another time where i only had one bonus reel in action, and had i had both i would have won $390 instead of just $39. boo. oh well. that was pretty much the favorite.

had sunday brunch at the mandalay bay which is pretty amazing. the waitress also came by with champagne and so i spent some more time drinking - i'm shocked my dad didn't comment and he's the one who ordered it. i think he kind of enjoyed it :P my dad paid for the brunch to "thank me" for the weekend. aww.. my dad is so cute. it was an entire weekend of eating, drinking and gambling. best weekend ever. :P although it was followed by the hellish 5ish hour drive back (most of which i slept though.. sorry daddy) and then came back and went to my dad's favorite chinese place here.

happy 60th birthday daddy!

when did being an "adult" get so expensive? not that i'm an adult at all, but i'm trying to "adultify" myself. well at least by look of my stuff. i like a clean chic modern style. i bought new nice bed sheets and a duvet cover. and i ordered prints to decorate my apartment so it's not just bare walls and my talking homer simpson clock. i probably spent about $150 or so buying the prints, and then i still have to buy the frames. man... wanting pretty things is expensive

you know also comes with "adult"hood? work. and that BLOWS. this is my 4th week on the job and everyday this week i've left at 1am. oh wait, today i left at 2am. like whoa. i'm not complaining, i'm just saying - when did my life become like this, and why, and is it always going to be this way? and when did all my friends start being workaholics too? here are some good "job" conversations

duckee: i'm in trouble.
Jean: ?
duckee: i'm in "i'm here too much" trouble.
duckee: and i can't leave this place like this
duckee: it looks like dd just fucking puked on my desk
duckee: AGAIN
Jean: hahahahah
Jean: yea.
Jean: i look like that sometimes.
duckee: i wanna shoot myself
Jean: ooh ooh
Jean: shoot me first
duckee: except i'm not the problem, so i wanna shoot other people
Jean: meeeeee.
duckee: hahahah


justjohn: you at work?
Jean: yes
justjohn: me too
justjohn: sucks
Jean: i was here until 1am yesterday.. and i'll probably be here for the next 2 days
Jean: i've turned into you.
justjohn: it sucks so bad doesn't it


duckee: so are you living there now?
duckee: did you bring you sleeping bag and your hello kitty pillow?


Jean: are you really still at work too?
luvr: I'm leaving in a sec
Jean: oh.. well that's no fun
luvr: Are you at work?
Jean Huang: yes.
luvr: I wish I were saving children, because I'd have saved a lot of them by now. Instead I am re-writing re-writes of scripts

oh.. and then there's my dad:

dad: are you still at work?
me: yes
dad: poor jean. you're stupid, i told you not to do this job. you get paid less, you don't get over time, you have no holidays or vacation or sick days, and you won't have a job in five months.
me: yea, i know
dad: although, if you lost some weight because of this job, then that would make it worth it

umm.. thanks dad.

:)

it was fun while it lasted...

i canceled my gap card today.. i really only signed up for it because i think i purchased a ton of stuff and wanted the discount (it might have actually been a year ago, shopping on the 3rd street promenade with courtney on 4th of july.) i really don't use it that much, and have saved a little bit here and there, but i apparently forgot to pay a bill in june (what? weird?) and then got $50+ of late fees. i got $25 (on month late fee) waived, but still had that extra fee and it just seemed like too much hassle for a card i didn't even use that much. plus.. i really shouldn't be buying more clothes anyways. it's kind of lame for a few reasons, because i'm sure i totally could have prevented it - like.. getting the bills sent to my apt instead of my parents' house. or when my dad told me about it on saturday, i could have checked it today before 5, not gotten the second $25 late fee (yea.. the due date was today), and got the previous waived, because they can only do one. right. my dad also told me he took care of it and paid it - although i think by "took care of it" means he sent out a check - which doesn't help me with the late fee business... either way.. i should have less cards. less things. i should simplify my life... (too bad i spend $117 on sheets and a duvet cover today. oops.)

i can't quite bring myself to cut up my gap card. it's so pretty. i have a hard time letting go. which is applicable to so many things in my life.

.....

so i'm kind of having a problem with people lately. more than usual. i was really content to spending a lot of time by myself. but then the "i can't say no when people ask me" side of me conflicts with that. anyways. a note to you. i am having issues with people being super judgmental. and/or hypocritical. or putting me down (or being hypocritical) in order to make themselves look better. number three may be tied to number one, but they could also be different. sure.. you're thinking to yourself, why would people do these things? these seem like awful traits. but sure enough, people do this. i can't say that i don't do these things, i try not to, and i think i do an okay job at it. but i've been noticing this kind of stuff lately EVERYWHERE. it's an.noy.ing. or maybe people just lie to themselves, so they think what they're saying is the truth. but as of late, i've been a little less patient with it. and it sucks, because it happens at work too. anyways.. there were a few instances where stuff happened, and i was just like "what? why? why do you say things like that?" and it's kind of becoming a little bit of a BIG problem. i honestly think that if you don't have anything to prove, you really don't have to go out of your way to try that hard to tell people how awesome you are. the unfortunate down side of it is that then other people will steam roll right over you. bleh.

.....

speaking of steamrolling - i've also been observing people when they get into "relationships." i say that with quotes because it doesn't even have to be official girlfriend/boyfriend type status. but just in relationship with someone else that ends up changing who you are, what you do, and how you act. it S.U.C.K.S. and to a certain degree, i kind of understand it - if it doesn't really affect you, but then to another degree, it makes me ill. i could be all bitter from topic written about above, but people like that - make me NEVER want to be in a relationship - unless i find that "one" - but that's really slim to none.. so... the future looks pretty bleek, people. shit, when did i become such a pessimist? i know i have to try harder, and compromise, and i feel like i have to put more effort when trying to find that "better half".. but i don't think i have it in me to do it. weird.

.....

nerdiness: ben's got me slightly excited because my computer is having a little woe. one of my slots that measures my ram is busted and doesn't read (which sucks because then i spent $90 on ram i don't really need and could have just spent $45) but anyways. he said that apple might just end up giving me a new computer because the computer's sold old, it might just be simpler to give me something new than fix this. but i don't want to get my hopes up, cuz i just realized my sister's harddrive crashed a few months ago, and they just fixed that up. but it also might be differing parts - but i can't believe they'd just hand me a new computer?! yikes.

another nerdy thing that's gotten me all excited...

look! in the calculator function, you flip it to the side and becomes a scientific calculator. OOH!! this is the function that most excited me when flipping through the new things that the iphone comes with. i know.. that makes me uber nerdy. but everything else is kind of just "better" technology. this is "special." i'm still waffling a little bit on the iphone only because i don't want to switch from verizon and their new plans are ex.pen.sive. i'm not sure if i want to pay $90 for my cell phone bill - even if it means i'll always have a map with me at all times. hmm.. i'm gonna have to think.

.....

i should probably head to bed soon.. i just wanted to why, cry, blog for a little bit. but this is bad. maybe i'd be less grump if i got more sleep.

Lessons in How to Make Friends at Work.



This is especially important when you're the new kid at school and no one's really talking to you. That's an exaggeration because people are talking to me, it's just hard because of the circumstances, which is fine, because I could get to know them slowly, but I just wanted to speed up the process a little.

Food, and especially sweets, I find, are the easiest way to make friends. Granted this is not the reason why I made them, but it doesn't hurt. I've been wanting to do it for awhile ever since I saw this post on bakerella's blogspot. I didn't have the supplies, and when I did, I didn't have the time. I finally just did it. I was aiming for having them at a dinner party, but I never factor in "cooling" and so it didn't really get them done in time. They're not quite as pretty as bakerella's and I'm not quite sure how to ever make them that pretty. But they tasted pretty awesome and I got lots of compliments on them. Yay. And while I didn't really make any life long friends, people were a bit nicer to me at work. It's a good way to start off demonstrating that you're nice too and not just "mean work jean". Either way, it was a fun project and I needed to take them to work and pass them out so I didn't eat them all while sitting on the couch crying over the Bachelorette (did anyone see that shiz?!) or my life or whatever.

So that was my first and maybe last (for awhile) attempt at cake pops. They're kind of a little bit more labor intensive than anything else, and I'm becoming increasingly lazy/busy. Although I do have leftover popsicle sticks left over. Maybe I'll try regular chocolate cake. It's not as moist (*moist*) since red velvet is generally liquidier and maybe that will make it a tad easier. But damn is candy coating messy!

One more note for tonight - a 3 people from my old jobby got invited to join the Academy! Or should I say "THE" Academy. I know that there are tons of people in the academy, and a few people I know already are, but it's still an honor no matter what. And strange to think that I "know" people in THE Academy. haha. But they really are the shiznits. They're so money and they don't even know it. Okay, some of them know it, but they're pretty effing awesome all the same. Jet Li's also on that list - man.. what if I had gotten that job as his assistant? And Jason Reitman. What if I had talked to him that one time I scorekept his hockey game about work and job stuff? Right before he hit it...bigtime. Whoa. I seem so "LA" HAH. Not that it makes a big difference whether they're in THE Academy or not because they're already kind of a big deal, but it's just interesting to think about since this is the year they got invited. Regardless, congrats to Kelly Port, Doug Roble and Otay!!! Whoa, snazzy.. they have their own Variety profiles if you click on their names. Money.

OOH OOH OOH... lookee what I found. There's a few people here that I would want to send this to, well, really, one in particular, but I would never. I don't have those kind of balls, but I bet Dorina would tell me if I did that would make me awesome. HAH.



Honestly, I might not agree, but I like it regardless, it's funny.

Guess who's not sleeping?! ME. boo. I really should be sleeping because I need to be at the top of my A game, but I like staying up and having fun on the internets. Especially now that I have to actually work work, and don't have much time for stalking people - err.. I mean, cruising the internet during the day, it leaves me no other choice than to do it late at night. Oops.

I survived my first "real" week at new job. Actually, technically my first "real" week is this week, because the first 3 days of this past week didn't really count. Last Friday, I left work at 9:30pm and was too pooped to do anything, so I watched Girl Next Door with the roommate(s). (Yea, I said it.) I wonder if this Friday and weekend I will just be so plain damn exhausted. I'm going to have to get used to real work again, and then some. I remember when I would rack up the hours when I worked on Pirates, or the 90 hour work week I put in before the Halloween party, or the crazy stuff I did before SIGGRAPH - and yet it never quite tired me out like this. Okay, maybe it did and I just can't remember, so in a year or two, I'll be like "yea.. that was a piece of cake." There was a little bit of drama in the workplace, and I had a few silent mental crises, but it might turn out okay. One thing I'm going to have to change (effective now... did you notice?!) Is that I'm going to have to stop typing in all lower case. I mean, I'm fully capable of typing properly, but I would do the all lower case because I thought it was "cute." In chats, or non-important emails. But now that I take notes ALL the time, I sometimes slip into the "quick" habit of all lower case format, and then it's a huge pain in the ass to go back and edit. So I'm trying to be efficient.

I went to a "dinner party" (not the "adult" version because it was a potluck and we mostly stood around a counter and ate off paper plates, but that's okay) and towards the end of the night the conversation veered towards boys/relationships/dating etc. I'm a pretty non-girly person, sometimes. Among some of my friends, I'm the ridiculous girly silly one. Among other of my friends, I'm the weird cold one. I think that's strange that I can be so, varied. I was definitely a little bit of a whiney mess on Friday (I'm going to attribute it to my tiredness.) And it was a little out of character for my friend who had to deal with it that never encountered it before. It was amusing to listen to said friend react. And also put me in my place because I felt like a RetardFace for being that way. Tonight's conversation helped reinforce just how "crazy" girls are. Some of them REALLY are, and I don't get it because I'm so not crazy like that, yet I'm in the same pool as they are, or maybe even worse. (And by worse, I simply mean not going on any dates at all.) I'm not sure where I stand on this whole dating thing. While I'm not all crazy about it, I would like someone who "get me" as Angelee likes to put it. That's not such a bad thing. There is something to be said for such companionship. Finding that person is hard and it's weird because I also don't really try that hard, so what am I complaining about. Who knows. Maybe because I feel like I "try", but I'm really not, or I feel like I shouldn't have to, but I'm not really better than that. Who knows, I don't, and at this point, I'm just rambling so I'll stop now.

Here's a fun story for you.

A week or two ago, I met this guy in the grocery store. In an very unlike me way, I made eye contact, smiled, and GBboy responded well. Good job. We chatted, I ended up giving him my number (I told you, SO not me.) and we said we'd do coffee the next day because we found out we worked down the street from each other. We called and texted and ended meeting up, and I found out that this is not the person for me. Not because he was a bad person, but just because we are at different places in our lives and where he is in his life, is so not anywhere I can be. He may have sensed that I wasn't into it, or maybe he wasn't, but GBboy mentioned I should call him later, and I may have said yes or no, I can't remember, but bottom line is, if he was interested, he should done something about it. Which he didn't, and I was perfectly fine with. I texted him later, because I have some weird issue about maintaining relationships, or I felt sorry for him and thought he might need a friend, or I was just trying to "practice" or I secretly wanted his attention because I wasn't getting it. Who knows, I could have deep issues. And then on a drunken party night, I called him when I got home at 2:30am. Nothing good happens after 2am I was bored and tipsy and I do stupid thing when I get bored. I woke him up and he was all about talking to me, even though I insisted he should go back to sleep. (Oh and this was after I texted him asking what he was up to that night and I got the reply "parting!!!!" <-- no I did not spell that wrong.) Obviously if I'm calling at 2:30am, my intentions of wanting to hang out are kind of clear, but he was in BFE. He said I should go meet him up there, to which my reply was "Hell No." And then he asked if he got all his stuff together and drove down here, if I would be awake and I said "Nope, I'll be sleeping." GBboy kept trying to get me to go there to BFE and get him, and even pulled out some "My mother is sick in Venice and needs a kidney. Can you come get me so that I can give her my kidney?" And when I said no, he tells me "It'll be your fault when my mom dies." and then later on "So, you saw right through my lie, huh?" Umm.. no, shit. What?! Who does/says things like that. Or really, who says things like that and expects someone to fall for them. He asked if we could hang out the next day, and I think I may have said yes, but before a certain time (hey, I'm a busy girl) and yet he still didn't call. Failure to follow through. But I'm okay, because I was planning on avoiding the call anyways. But really?! Is this what people who are actively trying to find a soul mate deal with? Cuz this is TERRIBLE. Needlessly to say I am DONE with GBboy. Drunk, bored, or whatever. Today when I was at the store, I was kind of scanning the area though. I hope I don't have to find a new grocery store, but I won't. Because this whole thing is amusing to me.

Okay - that was my story for today. I'll leave you with one more excerpt.

ben: oh man. im watching the last episode of dawson's creek
ben: tear!
Jean: haha
Jean: yea.. that shit is terrible
Jean: the ending sucked
ben: youre ridiculous
ben: pacey + joey ftw!
Jean: LAME
Jean: nicole said she watched it yesterday at 2am
Jean: and cried
Jean: you guys are gay
ben: ive already teared up a bit
ben: when jack finds out jen is gonna die
ben: so sad!
Jean: so gay!
ben: yeh whatever
ben: you have a cold heart

Nicole cried for A HALF HOUR over this same episode, and when I told her she was lame, she also told me I have no heart. I'm never going to find someone. Haha.

"When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True Story."

argument #184 for why i need an iphone. today i totally lamented about needing to come into work at early o'clock today. but i was kind of okay with it because i was stoked to be "doing something" after the past few months of being a little slow, and then past 3 days of being by myself in the office - i kind of sort of want to be not lazy. well.. i guess productive, so i can feel accomplished.

i've been having trouble sleeping lately. like i'll just wake up really early and panicked, only to find out it's way early. the other day i woke up in the middle of the night feeling really parched and panicked (flashback to the babysitter's club where stacey found out she had diabetes and kept dreaming she was a plant) and thought i was late to work until it took me a few seconds to realize it was still dark outside. and then woke up again about an hour too early. luckily i'm really good at going back to sleep, unfortunately for me, too good - sometimes i end up sleeping way longer than i should have. today i woke up at 6:10am when i set my alarm for 6:30. meh. i showered, got ready. and while it's nice waking up a little early so i can take my time and not feel rushed (especially with my gimpy self), waking up in the morning has never been my strong point. i take some time to eat breakfast and that makes me a tad later than "responsible jean" was planning for. but "hungry jean" tried to tell "responsible jean" that breakfast was necessary so you weren't thinking about how hungry you were all day when you're trying to work.

i come in the office a few minutes before i'm supposed to get here. and no one's here. beth put the idea in my head and asked if there was any hazing going on, and there has been none - at least in the traditional outright blatant form. i thought.. hmm. maybe this is their way of hazing... maybe they do calls in editorial, and no one told me. and my computer finally decides to work and tells me that the new plan is to come in at 8:30 instead to prep for the 9am call. uGH. this email went out at 9:30pm at night - and while i wasn't asleep, i had stopped checking mail. IF i had an iphone, this would not have been a problem. oh july 11th - hurry up and come soon.

it's 8:35 and still no one is here. *sigh.. oh well. at least i look like i care right? positive attitude is everything. keep that in mind.

i'm glad that "hungry jean" won out this morning or else i would be really upset.