happy birthday pete holiday!!

pete is my birthday buddy, his bday is one week after mine :) although he doesn't feel like his birthday is special... it is, cuz all birthdays are.. so go make a big fuss and wish him a happy birthday. hahaha.

hmm.. today was kind a waste of a day.. although i did clean my room.. sort of.. so i kind of got something accomplished. the quote from the previous blog was from southpark. i watched it with beth and brianne and her friend kevin at 2am on sunday morning. south park is the best ever.. i love it. hmm.. anyways.. worked the water polo tournament last friday and saturday. mmm.. wet hot boys in speedos.. they were all too fine. :) and i was sitting right next to all of them. and getting paid nonetheless. man oh man.

Friday night i went to Allyn's show at the firehouse museum in Little Italy. It was an interesting place, and there were some other artists, but it was really well decorated, and kind of fun.. and it was my first show where i got a "i'm 21 and not a loser" stamp. :) instead of the "i'm a loser don't serve me alcohol" stamp. anyhoo.. Saturday morning i went to TJ Meal Sacks before water polo. It was really good, Carli did a really good job of organizing it. a lot of people came.. and people had a good time, so I'm glad. water polo all day :) and then annie's party and show later that night. it was good, it was jam-packed and a million people were there. but it was cool, just a little hot. beth came down, and she enjoyed it. we went to tgi friday's where she forgot to order my food without jalapeno peppers, and i totally burned my mouth out. haahah.. got served by my "favorite" waiter.. and then we just hung out and slept that night. fun fun slumber party times. oh.. and watched south park of course :). sunday i worked... i'm really dreading work, and it's not so fun anymore.. which makes me feel like i have a short attention span, and a little bit worried about the "real world" when i can't just quit my job if i don't like it. but maybe i'm just sick of retail. hmph.. who knows.. i'm just sick of a lot of things in my life right now. monday i did shipment and i was the lead person, and apparently i did a good job, so yay me. had class and then circle k, and then i kind of hung out with kimmy, but we were supposed to go out and didn't.. blah. oh well.. i got to see her way cute apt. *sigh* i miss living in la jolla.

today i cleaned, ran some errands, and i went to class. i got out of class early, and i really should have went home, but i wasn't anticipating it.. so i wasn't planning on going home, and made plans. but i got out of class at 6, totally could have made it home in time to see my sister and my grandma off, but i stayed because i had already made plans. which sucked because all of the plans fell through. gay. so i feel like i just totally wasted my entire night. and super bummed because i was excited to see my grandma this weekend, but now that she changed her flight, i won't get to see her until june. dang it. hmm.. so anyways.. i should probably clean and finish packing so that i can leave early tomorrow and go on my hot lunch date with the international vice president. :) man.. i feel so special. anyways.. HAVE A HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!!

"jesus crap dancing christ"

i'm sorry that i haven't really been keeping up with the blogging. yet people continue to check my blogger because the counter keeps going up. wow.. people love me.. or hate me really.. cuz i've found that to be the case too, but more on that later.

it's been awhile.. things have happened... one thing that hasn't is that I haven't gotten fired yet. yay!! i should have, because i was a late once.. but they love me, so i got a "get out of jail free." but either way, work is work, i go in for 3 hour shifts at 6am to process their shipment and then go home and usually take a nap. it kinda sucks.. i'm so not a 6am person. yuk. i get to go home next week, which is exciting. no gap for almost an entire week! whoo hoo. not that i don't enjoy it.. just sometimes it's a little too much.

we went to FTC it was a good time. it's so weird.. as i get older, things become less fun, or just a fun in a different way. i've gone to so many of these events, and like ICON or FTC this year, I was really low key, just kind of hung out with my club and a few friends. i wasn't all over the place or interested in meeting everyone, which is little bad, but i've become really anti-social cki wise, just in terms of trying to meet everyone. i dunno.. do i feel as if everyone should know who i am? or is it like that whole senior thing where you just kind of don't care anymore. i remember when i was a freshman i wanted to know who everyone was, and by the end of my senior year, i realized i only really know my class and half of the other classes.. maybe that's just how it works eh? and not to sound really conceited or anything.. but it's weird going to these district events and not needing to do anything, or for anyone to really know who you are or want to talk to you. it's not really like an issue of my ego, but to spend a year in the spotlights, and to be doing so much.. it's weird to not have that anymore. like after joe wasn't governor anymore he would always say that he didn't know what to do with his time anymore, like he didn't know how to spend his free time when there wasn't cki stuff to do. and it's hitting me and i was only a ltg, i wonder what it's like for bigger people. hmm.. not that it really matters much though ... i guess. whatever.. kathy knows how i feel.. she agrees with me. :P

but anyways.. FTC was good.. we flew to avoid the massive headache of 10 hour drives and getting lost. and after seeing all the people come in at 2am and the horror stories of accidents .. i was really glad we spent the extra money to fly. i got to drive the fancy rental car, that was exciting, and we got a little lost in berkeley, where i got all nostalgic and weepy and called angelee like 5 times .. i'm a dork. we got to see opening session, which was so funny, and chilled. hung out with crazy nicole and carrie, made kiwanis hospital dolls, went to workshops. we watched the campfire skits saturday night.. they were really good and so funny too. now i want a fairy god-jigga too. :P so does nicole. we need fairy god-jigga's.. does anyone know where we could get them? the dance on saturday night was fun too. seriously.. i'm getting old, because i kept getting tired and had to sit down. weird. hmm.. we left after the dance, drove at 2am.. kathy and i talked the entire way back. i'm glad i could keep her awake. sakura, kathy and i all crashed out on the plane, sleeping on top of each other in our three seats. i got home and slept all day and then went to a work meeting. yay for holiday at the gap :)

work sunday - thursday.. doing shipment and just work at the gap in general. it's cool because we have friends and family day coming up.. and instead of it just being immediate family.. i get 20 invitations to send to whoever i want!! whoo hoo. discounts for everyone! hmm. i'm going to fail all of my classes though.. i am just half assing it through the year, and i think all of my teachers can sense that. yuk. i used to be such an over acheiver in school.. i went to cams for gods sake. what happened to me? i dunno..weird. monday was our new installation banquet. it was a good time. kathy did a BEAUTIFUL job planning and taking care of everything. she rocks the house, no wonder she's going to be the "international president" hahahaha.. it was great, and interesting as well. there are some crazy people out there. yesterday was my 21st birthday.. whoo hoo. tuesday night we went to friday's at midnight, me, vivian, sakura and rachel. rachel's a new member in cki.. she's so great, and so funny. we're going to have her take sakura and i go bar hopping.. cuz she knows all of the places. sakura and i did a stoplight shot.. it was fun. wednesday i TOTALLY forgot i had work after my class. i was supposed to go to a basketball training session, and completely didn't even remember until an hour after it started. i rushed over there and caught the tail end of it. i'm kind of excited for basketball season..i hope i get to do the book a lot. then jill, jason, sakura, kristen and i went to margarita rocks. it was interesting, my first time in a bar/club. i mean... a real one.. those tj ones don't count. andy and jen came by later after they saw the bond movie, and chris was there with his friend.. so it was fun to be around people i knew. it was funny because all these guys kept coming up and trying to freak with sakura, and she was all freaked out. and this one real scary dude kept trying to talk to kristen. i lost my wallet and totally freaked out.. but some angel of a girl turned it in to the front desk and the security guard gave it to me. i love them both. all in all it was a good night.. hey hey.. you can't beat 10 cent chicken wings and 91 cent margaritas :)

anyways.. my birthday was fun.. i can't really complain.. i find out who really cares and in what capacity. i taped dawson's creek, and watched it today.. it was too cute. philly.. you're going to die when you watch it. haahah. anyhoo.. tomorrow and saturday i get to work at the wwpa water polo championships.. whoo hoo.. hot boys in speedos. lovely. also annie's cd release party is saturday.. that should be fun. i dunno.. my life is just kind of a blur.. maybe because i'm tired. but i get to go home soon and take a break from it all... hopefully. but i have a hot date on tuesday.. so i can't complain. whoo hoo! :)

ps... does anyone have a sleeping bag i can borrow?

so i've basically wasted my entire day and night... and just when i was going to post about getting my act together, and getting on the ball with things. it's weird.. because when i have so many things to do.. instead of becoming more efficient, i just get more apathetic.. and end up not doing anything at all.. which makes the situation worse. yuk. i need to have more discipline and dedication. some people i know do it really well, and get their stuff together.. how do they do it? and why am i such a slacker. yuk.... so basically i spent today working, and then napping, eating and chit chatting with the roommates. we even had a fun 15 minute cuddle session in brianne's bed.. where i also fell asleep for 2 hours after she left for work. went to class for three hours (was late of course) and then back home, where i ate waaaaaay too much of cotixan's, watched tons of the real world and then chatted up a storm once i was gone. thanks to philly i was highly amused and entertained as we both didn't want to do our homework. we're such bad influences on each other, but we're funny, and cute.. so you gotta love us. :P and also there was carrie and nicole and my new friend judy who's a rabid jason mraz and nsync fan. whoo hoo.. she's got good taste. hmm. i'm still not really making sense.. probably because it's 3am, i didn't do my hw yet and my carne asada is coming back to haunt me. time for bed!

ONE MORE WEEK!! WHOO HOO.

i don't really have anything important to say.. but i'm bored... so you get to hear me ramble. hmm. i didn't get to go home.. because i don't know, because i was tired, and lazy, and my dad told me to stay in san diego. especially because it was raining, and he didn't want me to drive in the rain. but anyhoo. hmm.. thursday i worked, and then slept.. quite eventful. although i did get a surge of energy and stayed up to finished crocheting the scarf that i'm making myself for ftc because i realized that i'm too broke to buy myself one. even with my discount from the gap. anyways... and then i watched movies by myself... coyote ugly and the sweetest thing. all gay romantic comedies that make me sad and even more bitter, and even more a believer that i'm going to die an old woman with my cats. ahahahha... yes.. i'm a bitter chick. but i told brianne that i wanted to be a coyote, and she told me that she knew i would want to be after i saw that movie. am i the perfect consumer or what?

anyways.. so yeah, for some odd reason i decided to stay up, and then after that ended up cleaning my room and staying up until 4am. that means i stayed up for 23 hours yesterday... what is wrong with me? i slept in today, which is nice, registered for classes, and then ran errands. it's rained all day today in san diego, which is kind of nice.... i needed a car wash. haha.. but it's interesting to see rain every once in awhile. call me crazy, but i sort of get sick of the sun all the time. but... i got a big fat disgusting parking ticket this morning for having the back end of my car in the red zone while parking in front of my complex. sucks.. i hate my complex and where i live.. it blows mad goats. i partly deserve it because i knew that i was in the red and was too lazy to move it, but it's frustrating because there's this asian rice rocket that parks in the red every single day and never gets a ticket, never gets towed.. what the heck!! so anyways... that's another $60 that i don't have. geeez. yuck.

i've sent out a lot of cd's to do jason mraz b&p's, so when i get that back i will be a happy girl. ftc is next weekend, so i get to travel and fly, and possible drive a rental car. it's always exciting driving cars that aren't yours. but i feel kind of bad because i don't feel like we have all of our shit pulled together, but hopefully it'll work out in the end. i have a ton of homework to do, and should not have just sat around bored around my apt all night, but i've really lost so much motivation to do anything but sit around. crazy enough i'm even considering leaving school early, like being done with my classes and starting "work" in january. how scary is that? jean in the real world. anyways.. i'm pretty beat.. either sleep or homework. probably sleep. i'm a lazy bum. my grandma is coming to torrance on tuesday... yay!! too bad i won't be there to hang out with her. i think my aunt from ny is coming too, and i think my dad took some time off to spend some qt with them. which is nice, i miss being able to be a part of that. but it's sad because it'll be so different that my grandfather isn't around anymore... i wonder how my grandma is now. we will see, we will see. okay.. enough ranting about nothing... comment or shout in my shout box. leave me some love people.

eleven more days!!

phew... well this one should be a long one, but it's going to be rather short. apologies. i need to go to bed (yes.. i know it's 10pm) so that i can wake up early so i can get to my 6am shift on time so that I don't get fired from my unfortunate job at gap. crazyness huh? I'm going to get fired. anyways.. so *phew* masquerade ball is over. now there's just a million more things to take care of that come after it. i've been telling people i feel like it never really happened because i was running around so much that the time just flew by, and i was never really in one place for too long that it just kind of was a huge blur. the dj wasn't spectacular, but he was okay, and definitely better than last year (heck.. me and my boombox would have been better than last year), and annie totally rocked the house. a lot of people came, so i think we may have even made money. pretty good considering i was worried about losing $2000. anyways.. uber thanks to EVERYONE who came, especially those who came at the last minute. everyone who came and supported us, it really means a lot to me that you came, liked it, and had a good time. :)

hm. so enough mushy. i'm finally blogging.. whoooo hooo. not much really. i finished that paper, but it was a bonafide piece of crap. school is definitely not my strong point, my grades are severely lacking this quarter. i just can't really seem to apply myself, which makes me think that i am doing too much... but it's hard to choose which one is the first to go. but also because i'm taking two production classes that involve two very critical teachers and a ton of outside work, which is hard to find the time for, and when i do have the time, i don't have the energy. yikes. anyways.. hopefully that will change, i'll try and focus this weekend... i need to focus. hmm.. not much really. spent halloween and friday night at home doing masquerade ball stuff. retained more proof that boys are evil and unreliable.. haha.. and did the whole masquerade ball thing.. and now i'm just kind of chillin. i've gone to bed every night before midnight this week. i'm catching up on so much sleep. but yeah. so now it's time to go... i hope everyone is doing well. i haven't talked to many people, i've been a little on the antisocial side.. but in and out. hmm.. maybe not antisocial, just not outgoing.. does that make sense? anyways.. i have a million things to do tomorrow... and i was going to go home.. but my dad told me to stay in san diego (how sad is that... ) but he just wants me to rest i guess. so gotta love him for that. i just wanted to go home to do my laundry and get my hair cut. who knows.. i might go anyways.. i need to get out of here..... i haven't been home since school started. yuk. my bday's in less than two weeks... the big TWO - ONE. celebrations are in order.

"don't forget your penis cream, son"

happy halloween everyone.

now come to masquerade ball.

so i'm too tired to write my paper that's due in 10 hours, yet i can blog. i'm such a horrible student. hmm. so it's been awhile.. or at least i feel that way. and part because i've been crazy busy, and part because i wanted to leave that masquerade ball plug in there, hoping it would help. i don't think it has or will, so.. yeah. or maybe i'll just do another one. but i felt like i wanted to blog because i got sick of seeing the same thing up there, so i figured others probably did too. all of the two people who read this thing anyways. but also, it's been a series of short nothing blogs, just kind of saying random babbling, which is fun, but also retarded in a way. so here's a real blog. i owe my blogger some love.

yeah.. it's been wicked crazy (uh oh.. brianne's vocabulary is sneaking up on me). and i think it all started when i started working at the gap... not that it's necessarily super hard, just time consuming, and another thing added to my already pretty packed schedule. ... that's so weird.. i just went back to read my most recent real blog, which was over a month ago, and i wrote stuff about how i was so busy, and i couldn't handle it.. and that was pre-GAP days.. so wow.. why did i feel the need to add something else to my schedule? anyways... hmm.. in the past month i saw She Blonde Swede at Lestat's. It was really good. I went shopping with Ryan for Kristen's 21st bday. Had our first and following Circle K meetings where we've had up and downs in numbers of attendance, but mostly good over all. It obviously has decreased from the initial get go, but it freaks me out because I feel like people aren't coming back because they find me annoying or stupid or just plain weird, since I do most of the talking at the meetings, and I feel like people aren't going to join, or come to meetings... I don't know. But anyhoo.. another sad point is that it's mostly new members.. there are less than 5 returning members besides the board members, and all the rest are new. Which is nice in terms of recruitment, but what the heck happened to retention? I hope this just means that we're building a strong club for the future. That's what it's about eh? I missed FallFest, Jurassic 5, mxpx and Blackalicious played. All bands that I would have liked to see, but didn't have the energy to go... how sad. I've been working both at the GAP and at ICA at school, which is pretty fun, I sell people clothes they don't need, try and flirt with the cute boys and dress them up as if they were my boyfriends, and then get paid to watch athletic games (especially those boys in speedos at the swim meets.. yay), but it just leaves me with no time to myself. I usually get scheduled at 6am to do shipment, which is crappy because I'm ALWAYS late, and in danger of being fired for it. 6am I CAN'T handle.. but I try.. I should get a gold star for effort. We went to CKI South, Nicole was the chair, and it was excellent.. we beat CKI North in terms of amount of $ raised because the South rocks, as does Nicole, and although it wasn't as great because it wasn't in Torrance, it was still pretty fun. I got some good pictures of Hailes trying to push an egg with his nose in the grass, hilarious. Angelee turned 21, which means I'm getting close (22 days away!!) and I did some new things for the first time, which is an experience in itself. hmm... we're not gonna talk about that one.. my sister reads this. saw Jason Mraz at the epicentre for one of the last SD shows for awhile (that I know about anyways), and saw Annie play a show at Twiggs.. it was good times to be had by all. For Jason Mraz it was fun because Beth came down and I got to chill with her, hear her gush about Jason Mraz, and I guess I just enjoy her being starstruck because then it makes me feel less retarded for feeling the same way, well maybe not as extreme..haha just kidding Beth.

i dunno, I guess that's it... just school, work, circle k.. not in that order, but being too busy for my own good. i feel like i haven't really talked to a lot of my friends, and i don't know if that's because i haven't been available, or just due to everyone being further apart you really have to make the effort to keep in touch. but at the same time, i feel like the effort should be two sided, because i'm already self concious enough, and i don't need to be chasing after people begging for friends like the dork that i am. so i guess i've just been feeling lonely a lot lately, or alienated... but i don't know why. i should probably learn to not take things so personally because everyone is busy, but it doesn't mean they're blowing me off.. but who knows.. i definitely get a lot of weird vibes though, but those can also be self created as well. i guess i'm just not as independent of a person that i think that i am, and i need a lot of assurance and attention and affirmation... and when i don't get it, i start to doubt myself and think that there's something wrong with me. but ironically enough, when i do get it, i don't know what to do with it, and i just feel like people are being facetious, but i guess deep down inside it's those little things that you do need to hear, because although one may act like they don't believe you, it still gives them warm fuzzies. i guess lately i haven't been around enough positive human contact, and there are times when i feel like people don't value me as much as i value them, which is hard, but that's the way life is yeah? it just makes me feel like a dork though. i spend all day trying to please people, because that's my job... i don't want to have to do it just for someone to like me. dana told me once freshman year that real friendship shouldn't be so hard... and that's really true. and i say "i guess" a lot... i guess. (jk). but that's probably another sign of my insecurities, and why i'm spilling my guts out in a public forum i don't know.. but this is what i'm thinking at 4:32am on a wednesday morning... bordering on 22 hours since the time that i woke up yesterday.. although i did have a nice 1.5 hour nap today. it helped me not fall asleep in class like the so many times i have before.

lastly there's just a lot of house drama going on lately. i guess that's the result of living with an apartment full of girls, but not always... just certain ones. kimmy swears that i have the roommate curse or something because this is the fourth year that i've had roommate issues.. never the same, just always difficult. then i start to wonder.. is it me? this time... it's partly my own fault, sort of... but i was hesitant about living here in the first place. i didn't really want to live with random strangers because you never know how it's going to turn out, really good or really bad. and then they always say that living together takes tolls on people's friendships, and that's probably true too. i had issues and concerns about living here before, and taking advice from friends, relatives, and my own thinking (and lazyness), i wound up here. i still don't really know what to make of it still, but i know that it's going to be interesting the rest of the 8 months. there are times when i don't really feel at home, or super comfortable, and that just kind of sucks when you have to live there, but i guess there's not much i can do. my mom tells me that there's a whole world of people that i'm not going to get along with, so maybe this will just prepare me for it. don't get me wrong.. it's not as horrid as the crazy psycho lady from sophomore year.. i don't know if anything will ever be as bad as that... i do like my roommates, it's just awkward i guess.. and uneasy at points.. and for those of you who know me, and know what's going on, i'm sure you can gage why i feel this way... but sometimes i don't even know why i feel the way i do... so maybe not. now i'm starting to feel like pete holiday who complains about his roomies on his website.. i just hope mine don't have any redneck cousins/friends that are going to come beat my ass.

my sister sent me this online.. i think she's in hawaii right now.. but i'm not really even sure.. what a bad sister i am.. shoot.. what a bad sister she is.. isn't even sending me a postcard. but it's pretty interesting, it's this analyzation based on my name.. .:

As Jeanyah you have a great love of nature and the out-of-doors. All the finer things of life and beauties of nature are an inspiration to you and you are attracted to the mysteries of nature. Difficulty in expression results in your being too positive, blunt, and candid in speech and although you are easily offended by others, you do not show it. You crave affection and understanding, but rarely find it as others do not understand you and accuse you of being cool and aloof. The average person would never realize the true depth of your nature. A very individual, independent person, you live within your own thoughts. The insecurity you experience from limited verbal expression and social ease results in a jealous possessiveness and suffering through frustration, repressed emotion, and self-consciousness. This name would cause tension affecting the eyes, teeth, sinuses, ears or throat. There could also be a sensitivity in the heart, lungs, and respiratory organs, and frequent headaches. do your own

well i've shared far too much tonight, procrastinated enough, and i'm probably going to pay for all of this later... but anyhoo. come to masquerade ball... pretty please with a cherry on top.

COME TO MASQUERADE BALL!!!

okay.. so i've been stressing out big time.. and have been super busy up the anus with school and work and circle k. so please please please make my day and come to masquerade ball.

it's nov 2nd, 11:30pm - nov 3, 3am (saturday night/sunday morning) a 3 hour dance on a 3 deck cruise ship with a dj, karaoke and live music!! my awesome friend Annie Bethancourt is going to play. whoo hoo.. come see her. it's semiformal (yay dress up) and the theme is black and white. come come come!! tickets are $20 and you can buy them at the Price Center box office at UCSD... or rsvp to ucsdcki@hotmail.com

please come, i don't want to be the worst president in the world. :(

maybe if i was less delirious.. i would have done this earlier.

HAPPY BELATED 21st BIRTHDAY ANGELEE!!!

it's okay... she knows i remembers.. i sent her argyle socks and a *NSYNC birthday card. yeah i know you're jealous.

*ps... look at my new pix.. they're sexy. :)

philly told me i needed more pictures on my blog... and so at her request, and her pictures, i did... cuz i mean really.. who can say no to philly?

sometimes.. i really don't understand how people work, and what they think. but i guess that's what makes this world so interesting, is that there's all these different people's with all these different views. although they don't agree with mine, who am i to say who's wrong and who's right. i just kind of need to let people do their thing, and i need to find my own thing to do, and be happy with it. i dunno.. this world confuses me sometimes.

i did some bad things tonight

hahaa.. so i jinxed myself. right after i blogged about how much i was blogging.. i stopped. oh well. i shouldn't even be blogging.. but oh well. hmm.. so much has happened in the past few days. i don't even know where to start really. Saturday night.. after i got off work, sakura and kathy and i went to chili's to celebrate her birthday once again... it was good times.. good food at chili's. (i'm a total piggy). sakura came over and i watched her drink and we ran around my house while brianne sat on my computer and tried to find cute boys online. hahaha.. i drove sakura home at 3am and came back and crashed... the next day was filled with circle k and school. i had the board meeting at 2pm and then went to julia's house that night to tape stuff for my sound class. it was way fun, we kept laughing, and she had a nice nice house that sits on the beach, beautiful!! it was really funny once because her roommate came out and used the house phone to call his cell phone because he couldn't find it, and it turned out being in his pocket. came back and worked on cki stuff until 7am where i just had to go to bed, until 9:30 and then did more cki stuff, ran errands, carted around Ryan because he was sick and carless, and then more cki stuff. tuesday i worked at 6am, got lost trying to find it, went to school after working extended hours, and almost fell asleep in class, went to the library afterwards, came home did homework and crashed. today i had to work at 7am, and then go to school and do cki stuff. yuck. tonight i relaxed, watched dawson's creek. yay. tomorrow my hours got cut so i only have to work until 11am.. which is nice.. i haven't decided if i'm going to do the selfish thing and go home, or go to school for cki junk yet. *sigh. but if i go to campus i'm going to get my tri-delt top picks of ucsd calendar. haha.. yay.. hottie boys in a calendar soon to be on my wall. whoo hoo! hmm.. anyways

there has been a lot of house drama lately. i don't know quite what to think or say about the whole thing. but it's nice because it's helped me find my real friends, and my real support. and i do really love my friends that have helped me through my difficult and awkward times. and it sucks because we may not have time to talk all the time.. but when you need them, they are there. thanks guys!! you know who you are. :) other than that... drowned in cki, started work doing shipment at frikkin 6am.. it sucks. yikes.. and school, three hour lectures are not so fun all the time. but we'll see. i don't know what to say.. i'm delirious.. i need to get out of here!!

yikes.. i've been blogging a lot lately... but i think maybe it's just because school started.. and i need to procrastinate somehow... but still feel semi productive.
i just wanted to say..

HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY!! to my honey Sakura. :)

did you hear that manny? MY honey... not yours.
she's mine. :P

before i forget about my semi-brush with greatness, i wanted to let the world know. so thursday night while i was driving down to la jolla to run random errands, before heading to pete's show, i was listening to 91x and they said to call for new found glory (with something coporate and finch) tickets. kimmy and i wanted to go to this concert so badly.. but i didn't have the money.. so i thought it would kick ass if i won tickets, and plus then you get to meet the band. i started calling on my cell phone (wasting all my daytime minutes of course), and whenever you call those things you never really expect anything (especially when you have to be caller 9), so i was just calling for fun. when i was in middle and high school i won a few things, like free cd's and tickets to MTV's Rock and Jock (which i was SO excited because Dean Cain was there), but anyways... so i called.. and finally it started ringing. it was kind of cool because a week or so again Vivian won some stuff off 92/1.. so my car would be the lucky car... well, for winning stuff off the radio.. not for anything else. :P so yeah.. it was ringing.. and then a guy picked up and said.. "hello, 91x.... you're caller number.... 8" and then hung up. much like the woman in the mervryn's commercial i screamed out "noooooooo" and almost crashed my car while driving on the 52. but yeah.. i was SOOOOOO close to winning those tickets i would have cherished... and i was so upset for being caller number 8. *sigh* although it is the story of my life... always the bridesmaid, never the bride. or some shit like that.

i'm so antsy right now.. and i don't even really know what to do. a harsh lesson has been learned this week.. and you know.. i don't know.. it's something that i should have learned a long time ago... but i guess it just really needs to be beat into my head... because this is the 3rd time that it's happened.. and i guess i didn't really learn my lesson until now. and who knows if i'm too nice or naive of a person to just let it slide this time. only time will tell i guess. but carrie and i were talking about people who step on other people, to get what they want, no matter the costs, and she said it was human nature.. survival of the fittest. and i say that it sucks. sure.. it's life and i can't avoid it. and i feel stupid for being an idealist where i think that people should be considerate of others.. and that's my fault i guess. pete told me once that i was a total doormat because i was so passive and never said anything to anyone that was bothering me, and today brianne reiterated the same thing. i know that this probably doesn't make any sense to anyone.. but i guess.. if you want to take anything from reading this.. please just be considerate of others. especially your friends. take their feelings into consideration, and try not to always put yourself before others. and if i'm ever too nice to other people who i shouldn't be nice to, give me a good whack in the head. thanks.

this has been such a weird/tiring/stressful week.. and it's only half over. yikes. well.. haha.. technically.. it's completely over for me..because i don't have classes thursday or friday! whoo!! wow.. how did i manage that? i don't even know.. but i know i pay for it the beginning of the week. hmm.. let's see. all fo my classes are really late, but because of circle k, i've had to go early. monday it was camptoons, tuesday and today it was korean bbq. so i get up way early.. go to school and whore myself out on library walk all day, and then go to a 3 hour class. fun huh? i swear.. i almost had a nervous breakdown in my car.. it was insane. the beginning of school is so stressful!! we're trying to organize things when things are the least organized, and trying to recruit members and convince everyone your club is better than any frat/sorority/club has to offer. with out 2.5 guys, nerdy girls, sakura, tanya and no alcohol policy. :) jk. anyways... so yeah.. it's been a busy week.. but my only comfort is that it'll all be over soon. i have just been way too stressed out trying to do too many things.. but whatevers.. i finally have my class schedule figured out... which is nice. 3 3-hour lectures that only meet once a week. it has it's up sides and down sides. i have no money though.. my rent was due on the 1st, and i haven't paid it yet, i can't afford to buy books, so i haven't been reading, and i have 3 assignments due next week, and i've figured out that i'm the purseholder of our apartment.

which brings me to another topic that i've been thinking about lately... about how i'm not really the "typical" college girl.. and how i could change, or if i want to be like that even. sometimes i feel so far behind everyone else, and so naive about things.. that sometimes i feel like i want to do things, not because i want to really do them, but just to know what everyone else is talking about, or to be able to say that i have. which is a shallow reason for everything.. i'm sure, but it makes me think, that these things that i do or do not do make me the type of person who i am.. and would i want to change that? or am i just sick of who i am and i want to "re-invent" myself. if only it was as easy as britney spears makes it seem. but at the same time.. even if i were to start trying new things... deep down inside.. i'm still that regular boring mousy girl who is uncomfortable out of her comfort zone.. so then what do i do?

yeah.... so that was a tangent that no one needs to read, but i felt like i wanted to say. i'm excited though because my sister said i'm going to get a new bed.. i'm getting a full size bed!! whoo hoo. i do feel like my current bed is a little too small for my big ass. and hopefully it'll be a little firmer so that my back doesn't groan at me anymore. but not too much that it's not enjoyable anymore. gotta find that happy medium. my sister is coming down to san diego for the asian film festival because her movie is in it. it's probably the first time in two years that i'll have seen her in san diego... even though she's not really coming to visit me. but it's kind of exciting..i want to go check out her hotel room. :) my weekend will be filled with cleaning my room, doing homework, doing circle k stuff and work. yikes.. but i do get to go out and play tomorrow night. i'm going to go see pete's band SheBlondeSwede play. haha.. even if my car breaks down.. i swear i'll be there!! and tonight i was watching dawson's creek. it was so sickingly disgusting (all the cutesy coupley dawson & joey romantic stuff), i couldn't even watch because i was going to cry. but then they ruined it with dawson having a girlfriend. but i think the absolute worst part was when he turned the whole thing around and blamed it on joey for "not knowing what she wants." how did that happen?!? geez.. i swear.. guys are such jerks. anyways.. i'll stop. i get to go to bed and not wake up until a decent hour like noon or something :) no more korean bbq!