so another holiday has come and gone, and sadly.. my christmas vacation is half over. boo. i need a break from life.. you would think three weeks would be enough to re-coup and get ready for classes, but not so much when you're working tons. *sigh* i know.. i do it to myself.. but i don't know. and i was so sure i was going to quit and devote more time to cki and school, but now i'm not so sure about it anymore. yeesh. why am i so wishy washy?

so anyways.. just have been working a whole lot... at the gap and at school. next week will be a busy week cuz i have basketball tournaments, doubleheaders, a swim meet and like 35 hours at the gap... it was 40 but i had to do a little rearranging to make it all work. funny funny.. andy works at the gap in mission valley.. and she called our store to do a stock check.. and it was weird because i thought it was her, but just dismissed it so i didn't sound like an ass, but it was her. everyone works at the gap now.. pity us.

i drove home christmas eve and spent the next few days at with my family, my cousin and her fiancee, and had dessert with sakura. we went to friday's, but i swear.. it's not the same as the one in la jolla.. i wonder why ;) just kidding. but seriously.. the chocolate rush was not nearly as good as i've had it before. weird huh? even sakura said so.. so it's not just me and my bias. tomorrow i have to drive back to sd to work at noon. i was going to drive back tonight.. but ended up not really doing it because.. i don't know.. so many reasons. today i returned some stuff... (yes pete.. i returned stuff the day after christmas). it wasn't that bad.. i really actually like the mall.. it's amusing to see all the rude customers and gloating in the fact that i'm not working. hahahah. jk. but it's nice to be in the hustle and bustle of it all. i watched antwone fisher with joan, karen and ben. we all cried towards the end. and today watched 8 mile at the $3 theater with joan. both the movies were okay.. sometimes slow at points... but aren't super horrible or anything. i swear.. eminem looks like justin timberlake.. there's a slight resemblance.. both me and joan thought so while watching the movie. but i do see val's point about him being fine. i kept laughing to myself because i could hear her voice in my head. but also because there were so many ghetto people in the theater... the galleria is crazy. kind of glad i didn't have to deal with it this year.

so that is my christmas.. i ran in to ali and him mom twice today.. he was following me. haha.. i got the new christina cd. and for christmas got some stuff and the harry potter books i wanted. yes.. i'm really actually going to read. i've only been in torrance for two days.. but still really haven't seen anyone besides the family except for sakura. i guess everyone just resigned to the fact that i was in sd and just forgot about me. sad. but i did get a christmas card from my history teacher in high school, which included a picture of her sons. i'm glad she still thinks about me.. that was exciting.. i need to send out my christmas cards. hehe.. even if they are late. oops. oki dokes.. time for bed.. i have to pack and leave in the morning. hope christmas was well kiddies.

merry christmas peoples!!

whoa.. i don't really know what to say.. but i feel like i have to blog, just because i haven't in awhile. or maybe i just don't know what i'm saying because i'm not all here right now. hmm.. i've just been working tons this week... at the gap and at school for ICA. it's been a good time, but i'm just wicked busy. i went shopping with jill last weekend. worked all week. went home for my mom's bday.. it was a good time.. our whole family hung out and laughed.. not really any fighting.. which is awesome. :) i also got to play with sakura for a little bit in Torrance.. yay!!! and then i came back to work swimming today and then went to jason's vip party at margarita rocks. it was cool.. just sitting and chatting and drinking, a little bit of dancing but not enough. sucky. oh well. maybe next time? hmm.. gotta get up for work early tomorrow.. boo. today's jackie's bday.. and i didn't get to go out with her. she called the house after i had left, which is too bad. sucks for that too. i really did want to go out to dinner with her. and celebrate her bday with her and all that good stuff. this week i'm sure i have to work lots, haven't gotten my schedule but i think it's 40 hours. get to go home for christmas and the day after.. good times. and then who knows. my life is pretty boring.. no big hoopla.. just me and my computer.

but i still do think that i'm doomed to be the purseholder for life. boo.

so i'm done with school.. it's pretty exciting.. but then also boring at the same time. now i feel as if my life has no purpose. wow.. what a loser huh? i'm in a way blah mood right right now.. i'm pretty restless, and don't want to go to sleep, but don't really want to do anything else.. and it's 4am. geez. there are a million things going through my head, and i'm just trying to think about them all, but it seems like they don't have an answer. although jackie always says you always have a choice, sometimes i feel like you just don't. but then i guess it's my choice to do nothing at all right.. another one of those questions i can't really answer. maybe these three weeks of working and not trying to be too busy will be good, but in that boring depressing i have no life or friends kind of way. we'll see.

in other news:
* i'm done done with finals, and i think it did alright.. we'll see how those grades turn out though because i was not doing so hot during the quarter due to the general lack of busy-ness. my sound project turned out excellently, and if any of you ever want to listen to my project that i slaved over and poured my heart into... feel free to ask. it's about 9/11 and it's called "a day in the life".. but it's not cheesy.. but actually really good.. suprisingly.. cuz i did it right?

*i ate 50% off sushi (yum), hung out a bit with justin, and then baked cookies with kimmy and then watched dawson's ... i want an eddie. audrey is a ho.

*played in the gap with sakura and kathy and then went out to "done with finals" dinner with jill and jason. then went to pete's show and after-show hang out dealio. i got to use Aran's camera to help him tape the show and became an "honorary Crispy".. i have to come up with a coolio name. and no matter what they say i think pete and isaac sounded real good, and pete played this cover of this john mayer song that i really adore, so i was real happy during that song. it was chill.. except i got WAY lost on the way to the show due to bad directions from the coffee bean & tea leaf website. for some reason i'm retarded and ended up in a gated community on top of a large hill when i was supposed to be at a coffee shop in mira mesa. apparently "didn't all the signs that say poway give you a hint" wasn't something i considered, since i thought maybe you could go through poway to get to mira mesa. thus proving i know nothing about where anything is in san diego.. even after 4 years. i am LAME.

*i get to work women's basketball this weekend, which is fun, i like basketball.. i like my athletics job. i'm excited for tuesday for the men's game to see michael and cameron play. i miss living on campus two doors down from them. and i'm working 36.5 hours next week on top of the three athletic events and driving home to see my mom for her birthday. yay home. but it sounds like i will be a busy girl.

*one last thing.. for some reason, some how.. i don't feel like it's christmas. i listen to the christmas music at work, see the red bags and boxes that gap especially made for the holidays, and watch people buy gifts all day long, but yet i still feel as christmas is so far away. i feel like i lost that christmas spirit or something.. i don't know. i'm still buying presents for people when i see fit, and see something they like.. but i'm not all excited because christmas is 12 days away... it doesn't even seem like it's december. weird huh? is it just me?

i am breathing one huge sigh of relief tonight. i'm not officially done with finals, but i am done with a huge portion of it. and it feels great. i've been at scholl until 4, 5, 6am for the past three days, and i'm finally done with that project. *whew* and i had my 10 page paper due, and was kind of freaking out this morning cuz i fell asleep and woke up late and had like 8 hours do my paper.. but i got it done rather easily.. so that was exciting. it was a little late, but i still got to turn it in.. so it's all good. i had that great feeling and blasted my justin timberlake album at full volume in my apartment (i'm sure the neighbors loved that)... until i got a call from maurene saying our sound project wasn't done. ugh.. that just sucked. so i went back to school to work on dithering the master fader and adding auxilary tracks. yeah.. what the hell does that mean anyways? but it's done and i don't give a shit anymore... hahaha this is one of our funny conversations between maurene and i at 4am in the lab.

maurene: so we have to name our project
jean: oh shit... well what should we name it?
*we think of many cheesy titles... 10 minutes later*
jean: how about "the best project in the class" so that when giovanna announces it she can say "you're listening to 'the best project in the class'"
maurene: haha.. how about "give me an A+ bitch"
jean: or "my project is better than yours"
maurene: no no no, it should be "you're listening to 'beat this assholes!'"

i love that girl maurene, so is so funny and great. i'm really glad that i got to work with her, she motivated me to do better, or for sure my project would not have turned out as well as it did. :) cuz she's not a slacker.. unlike me. haahaha. hmm.. so i'm DONE with the sound project, i'm DONE with my ten page paper. all that's left is my 2 page self evaluation, and to contribute to editing the documentary.. but those are fun and low key assignments. i might go see Bowling for Columbine, as that last ditch extra credit effort. and i have to go to a final screening tonight and tomorrow night.. but hey.. i sit around for three hours and listen to our gay ass projects.. i'm sooooo relieved because the hard stuff is over. yay. one more quarter survived. :)

in other notes.. we went to friday's for a celebratory dessert/snack thing (yeah at 1am.. great). hahaha.. there's a new friday's waiter interest developing (not me).. but it's ironic nonetheless. yikes... we're in trouble. oh yeah.. there's a duplex in la jolla that is empty that is across the driveway from our friends. it seems interesting.. i really do miss living in la jolla, i'd almost pack and move for it. that's kind of exciting, and my dad always keeps telling me to live closer to school, and in a nicer area. :) but i don't know if it's really plausible, or a reality.. but hey.. it's worth looking into right? and i could live next to the hot trader joe's guy. hahahahha. i'm retarded.

so it's 5:25am on Monday, and i'm blogging from school... why? because i'm still here after three hellish nights of editing in the sound lab.. and i'm still not done. finals are ass raping me.. and i still have a paper to write (which i haven't even interviewed any of my subjects yet) and some documentary i'm supposed to help, except they don't want any.. so my participation evaluation will look something like "i didn't do anything.. i suck." yeah.. basically.. i hate finals.

well it's the end of 10th week, which means the end of my fall classes... ever!! wow.. my last fall quarter.. kind of scary. i don't really know what i'll be doing in a year.. hopefully something good, somewhere good, with someone good.. haha jk. but yeah.. and it just seems so blah.. like i feel like there should be more excitement or fanfare.. but there's not... and it's just me.. sitting alone in my apt... watching tv while the apartment below me has a party.

wednesday had class and then a 4 hour circle k meeting.. joy, oh joy. thursday i worked and then went to the computer lab to work on my sound project. it was kind of cool to edit the sounds on the computer.. i felt all pro, or like i was smart or something... and stayed until 11:30pm or so until i decided that i needed to go home to sleep so that i could get up for work.. today!! was at work for 9 hours.. and was completely pooped. dude.. never go grocery shopping when you're tired because all i bought were easy foods... i bought all frozen dinners.. those Ralphs people must think i'm so lazy. dah.. who cares.

i should really be studying for finals or writing my paper or something... my documentary class.. i'm a little worried... because part of my grade is participation in the projects.. but these two people i'm helping don't want help.. so what am i supposed to do? and then when i write my self evaluation.. haha.. what do i say? oh well.. i'm sure the teacher understands.. or at least i hope she will. i've given up on trying to get good grades. hahah.. is that bad? i came home so pooped that i put my ice cream in the fridge (yeah.. the fridge) and then just watched tv all night. i *heart* harry potter... i swear i've watched that movie like 4 times this week.. it's the best. :) nicole and i want to go to hogwarts, and i want to be on the quidditch team.. i think that would rock. so.. i also watched sex in the city and then an hour of elimidate (among many other things). but the reason i mention elimidate is because.. i don't know... it's something i've been thinking about a lot lately.. and i was watching these shows.. and i also hope that the guy will do the right thing and pick the good girl, and not just go for the ho. but time and time again it never fails, whichever girl throws herself at him.. he'll pick. which.. i dunno.. by now shouldn't suprise me, but still does. like is that what you really have to do to get someone to like you? make out with them, and then other girls on his command? and then stick your hand down his pants, and then jump in his bed? it just doesn't seem like the way to go, or maybe i shouldn't watch elimidate for tips on dating.. but isn't that how the real world works? but it just seems like that's what the standard is for today... put out or get out.. haha.. and then if someone doesn't conform.. doesn't that mean they'll just be left behind? doomed to be purseholders for life?

this blog is for nicole.. because she bugged me all night to blog because it "amuses" her (yay.. i'm glad my sorry pathetic life amuses someone) and i've finally gotten around to it.. after she went to bed. hhaha.. but anyways..

i'm back at school and stressin' over the hell that will be my life over the next two weeks with finals. yuk.

hmm.. thanksgiving was good.. as much as i tried to be productive.. i was still a bum. it's the first real break i've had in a long long time. i left all my cki stuff in san diego, brought some school work, brought my pictures and photo albums to organize and my seventeen magazine with justin on the cover.. and i was good to go. oh.. and my laundry.. don't forget the laundry :) saturday, before i left, my parents and i went to go see die another day. i didn't like it so much, and i thought that maybe i just wasn't a huge bond freak... and just to uncool to appreciate it.. but i heard a lot of other people didn't like it so much either. there were too many gratuitous love scenes that seemed to be put in because sex sells, or maybe i just felt uncomfortable watching it with my parents. but i also don't really like halle berry too much either.. so i don't know.. but i remember really liking tomorrow never dies, and i wasn't so impressed with this one. hmm.. we ate lunch and i took a quick nap. i was going to get my hair cut, but in the end decided that i didn't have enough time, and i didn't want a rushed job to be done on my hair cut.. so.. we fore-goed the haircut. drove back to SD to get to Annie's LRC (living room concert). i got amazingly lost trying to take a "short-cut" haha.. but made it okay... it was awesome.. annie is the greatest.. and it was chill to hang out with cool people. that night i ate something funny and got super sick.. and then next morning i woke up to wicked stomach pains.. and as i contemplated going to work and trying to get ready, i realized that i couldn't even really walk to the bathroom, so i didn't really think i could handle cleaning, sweeping and folding clothes for 4 hours, especially not for minimum wage. was bed ridden all day, kept myself from puking and just laid around trying to feel better. sleep really does wonders though, because i slept all day, got up showered, went back to bed, and then hung out with philly for bit (more like she hung out with me and my tv and oliver hudson while i tried not to puke) and then went back to bed. today i still felt a little sick but a hundred times better than yesterday. whoo hoo.

so yay for not being sick. boo for the dmv because i can't get my $12 back because the already processed my new license.. damn them. anyone want to buy a real fake id? just kidding. hmm. today i rested.. and then went to class. and then circle k. we had a good amount of people show up. i think it was the free food :) which i couldn't really eat a lot of because my stomach was still being a little queasy.. damn it. :P hailes even cooked and made taquitos!! i wanted to eat like 20 of them.. but couldn't get past the two on my plate.. they were goooood though.. you should invite him to all of your potluck parties. :) i have a million things to do .. but i don't really know where to start.. all my roommates are gone, so i'm all alone in my apartment.. i hope the locks on my doors are good. i feel like i should be doing some school work or circle k work.. but i just want to sleep all day. yes.. sleep is good.. sleep is nice.. la di da di da.

mmm.. shopping. today was a good day. i spent quite a bit of money. which is actually bad, because i have no money to spend, and i should be saving up.. but alas.. i'm not. bad me. but hey! i had a good time!! woke up around noon.. showered.. (yes.. very important) and then chilled around the house. finally got my butt in gear and out to the mall. i was trying to find a shopping partner, but i think everyone was already out from the early morning, and plus my fav shopping buddy moved away :( i miss you angelee!! so anyhoo.. i bought tons of stuff, some for other people, and some for myself, and shopped until i felt like i had covered the whole mall. all three floors. it was stupendous. i got myself some shoes, and a mixer, and some porn.. i mean A&F catalogue. hahah.. and some christmas presents.. ooh and a free stitch doll from the disney store.. it's soooooooo cute :)

hmm. so anyways.. ate leftovers, and chilled all night. my nose started running.. it seems as if i'm getting sick. boo.. but there was a wicked thunder and lightning storm tonight.. and it rained hard. it was interested. i drank my hot cocoa and it was all good. :) tomorrow i get to watch 007 with my mommy and then i'm probably headed back down to san diego to chill with the girlies. :) and then work on sunday i'm sure. yes.. my life is exciting.. i assure you. :) oki dokes.. off to bed!! happy post thanksgiving shopping.. don't do any of the mean things that pete does!! be nice to employees and shoppers. they're hard workers :)

so.. thanksgiving has come and gone. sort of. there will always be the leftovers to remind me of it. shoot.. i forgot to take a picture of the dinner table. *sigh*.. oh well. this year i actually helped cook!! yay me.. and it was DELICIOUS. i don't know if it was the satisfaction of knowing that i had helped, or just because i haven't really eaten real food that was homecooked in so long. maybe both.. but i ate tons.. and five hours later i'm still full.

so.. i really should have left SD tuesday night, but i didn't. and i paid the consequences. i didn't get to go on my hot date with Carrie, we'll have to reschedule.. i hope she can pencil me in. hahaha... i do feel bad because i really wanted to hang out with her, and because i was too lazy.. i didn't get the chance to. sad. tuesday i cleaned up my room some more... and then went to bed late, 5am late. got up a few hours later, 11-ish.. too late to hang out with Carrie.. cleaned some more, packed and thought that I lost my wallet. completely freaked out, put holds on all my credit cards, searched everywhere for my wallet, and then spent 2 hours in the dmv getting a new license. down and depressed i came home and took a nap to kill time before leaving for la to miss the holiday traffic. and when i awoke, i did some random things, sat a my computer, and there my wallet was, under a stack of papers. i am LAME. i seriously stressed out so much, and then to have it sitting there under a stack of papers.. the one place i didn't look. so simple. duh. so i suck.. i drove home, but not before saying hello to my neighbor across the way.

got home around 11pm, chilled, organized my photo album.. yay.. my pictures make me happy. today after many hours of much needed sleep i woke up and helped cook thanksgiving dinner, while doing some laundry. i just rested all day, and soaked in the atmosphere of home.. including the yelling and fighting.. but it's all good. i guess it's what makes home home .. like chandler on friends.. he didn't feel like it was thanksgiving until his friends started yelling and fighting. anyways.. after eating a glorious dinner.. me and my very full stomach went to go see harry potter and the chamer of secrets with my hot date Sakura. it was a good movie, and i'm totally officially hooked. except that the movie was pretty scary.. i don't know how little kids watch that stuff. or maybe i'm just easily frightened.. but nicole says that the continuing books get darker.. hmm.. but anyways.. it's definitely enjoyable... it's funny about how uninterested i was when the first one came out. i had no inclination to see it, and then i saw it on the plane just because it was free and there, and now i can't get enough. although i'm not quite as obsessed as nicole :)

anyhoo.. i feel as if i should awake early to go take advantage of those shopping deals.. but i deal with retail all day and night that i might just take a break. :) i will the get the sleep that i so need and deserve because i know i won't be getting any in the next two weeks. maybe do a bit of homework and hit up the mall just for fun, because the galleria rocks my world. i miss home sometimes.. like, not all the rules and restrictions, but just the comfort and familiarity. it's nice.. i love torrance. and i love my queen bed. and i love home cooked meals, and not paying for laundry... and of course my parents ;) okay.. enough cheese.. just know that i'm thankful for a lot of things, even if i don't say so or act like it all the time. and of course i'm thankful for you. :)

happy birthday pete holiday!!

pete is my birthday buddy, his bday is one week after mine :) although he doesn't feel like his birthday is special... it is, cuz all birthdays are.. so go make a big fuss and wish him a happy birthday. hahaha.

hmm.. today was kind a waste of a day.. although i did clean my room.. sort of.. so i kind of got something accomplished. the quote from the previous blog was from southpark. i watched it with beth and brianne and her friend kevin at 2am on sunday morning. south park is the best ever.. i love it. hmm.. anyways.. worked the water polo tournament last friday and saturday. mmm.. wet hot boys in speedos.. they were all too fine. :) and i was sitting right next to all of them. and getting paid nonetheless. man oh man.

Friday night i went to Allyn's show at the firehouse museum in Little Italy. It was an interesting place, and there were some other artists, but it was really well decorated, and kind of fun.. and it was my first show where i got a "i'm 21 and not a loser" stamp. :) instead of the "i'm a loser don't serve me alcohol" stamp. anyhoo.. Saturday morning i went to TJ Meal Sacks before water polo. It was really good, Carli did a really good job of organizing it. a lot of people came.. and people had a good time, so I'm glad. water polo all day :) and then annie's party and show later that night. it was good, it was jam-packed and a million people were there. but it was cool, just a little hot. beth came down, and she enjoyed it. we went to tgi friday's where she forgot to order my food without jalapeno peppers, and i totally burned my mouth out. haahah.. got served by my "favorite" waiter.. and then we just hung out and slept that night. fun fun slumber party times. oh.. and watched south park of course :). sunday i worked... i'm really dreading work, and it's not so fun anymore.. which makes me feel like i have a short attention span, and a little bit worried about the "real world" when i can't just quit my job if i don't like it. but maybe i'm just sick of retail. hmph.. who knows.. i'm just sick of a lot of things in my life right now. monday i did shipment and i was the lead person, and apparently i did a good job, so yay me. had class and then circle k, and then i kind of hung out with kimmy, but we were supposed to go out and didn't.. blah. oh well.. i got to see her way cute apt. *sigh* i miss living in la jolla.

today i cleaned, ran some errands, and i went to class. i got out of class early, and i really should have went home, but i wasn't anticipating it.. so i wasn't planning on going home, and made plans. but i got out of class at 6, totally could have made it home in time to see my sister and my grandma off, but i stayed because i had already made plans. which sucked because all of the plans fell through. gay. so i feel like i just totally wasted my entire night. and super bummed because i was excited to see my grandma this weekend, but now that she changed her flight, i won't get to see her until june. dang it. hmm.. so anyways.. i should probably clean and finish packing so that i can leave early tomorrow and go on my hot lunch date with the international vice president. :) man.. i feel so special. anyways.. HAVE A HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!!

"jesus crap dancing christ"

i'm sorry that i haven't really been keeping up with the blogging. yet people continue to check my blogger because the counter keeps going up. wow.. people love me.. or hate me really.. cuz i've found that to be the case too, but more on that later.

it's been awhile.. things have happened... one thing that hasn't is that I haven't gotten fired yet. yay!! i should have, because i was a late once.. but they love me, so i got a "get out of jail free." but either way, work is work, i go in for 3 hour shifts at 6am to process their shipment and then go home and usually take a nap. it kinda sucks.. i'm so not a 6am person. yuk. i get to go home next week, which is exciting. no gap for almost an entire week! whoo hoo. not that i don't enjoy it.. just sometimes it's a little too much.

we went to FTC it was a good time. it's so weird.. as i get older, things become less fun, or just a fun in a different way. i've gone to so many of these events, and like ICON or FTC this year, I was really low key, just kind of hung out with my club and a few friends. i wasn't all over the place or interested in meeting everyone, which is little bad, but i've become really anti-social cki wise, just in terms of trying to meet everyone. i dunno.. do i feel as if everyone should know who i am? or is it like that whole senior thing where you just kind of don't care anymore. i remember when i was a freshman i wanted to know who everyone was, and by the end of my senior year, i realized i only really know my class and half of the other classes.. maybe that's just how it works eh? and not to sound really conceited or anything.. but it's weird going to these district events and not needing to do anything, or for anyone to really know who you are or want to talk to you. it's not really like an issue of my ego, but to spend a year in the spotlights, and to be doing so much.. it's weird to not have that anymore. like after joe wasn't governor anymore he would always say that he didn't know what to do with his time anymore, like he didn't know how to spend his free time when there wasn't cki stuff to do. and it's hitting me and i was only a ltg, i wonder what it's like for bigger people. hmm.. not that it really matters much though ... i guess. whatever.. kathy knows how i feel.. she agrees with me. :P

but anyways.. FTC was good.. we flew to avoid the massive headache of 10 hour drives and getting lost. and after seeing all the people come in at 2am and the horror stories of accidents .. i was really glad we spent the extra money to fly. i got to drive the fancy rental car, that was exciting, and we got a little lost in berkeley, where i got all nostalgic and weepy and called angelee like 5 times .. i'm a dork. we got to see opening session, which was so funny, and chilled. hung out with crazy nicole and carrie, made kiwanis hospital dolls, went to workshops. we watched the campfire skits saturday night.. they were really good and so funny too. now i want a fairy god-jigga too. :P so does nicole. we need fairy god-jigga's.. does anyone know where we could get them? the dance on saturday night was fun too. seriously.. i'm getting old, because i kept getting tired and had to sit down. weird. hmm.. we left after the dance, drove at 2am.. kathy and i talked the entire way back. i'm glad i could keep her awake. sakura, kathy and i all crashed out on the plane, sleeping on top of each other in our three seats. i got home and slept all day and then went to a work meeting. yay for holiday at the gap :)

work sunday - thursday.. doing shipment and just work at the gap in general. it's cool because we have friends and family day coming up.. and instead of it just being immediate family.. i get 20 invitations to send to whoever i want!! whoo hoo. discounts for everyone! hmm. i'm going to fail all of my classes though.. i am just half assing it through the year, and i think all of my teachers can sense that. yuk. i used to be such an over acheiver in school.. i went to cams for gods sake. what happened to me? i dunno..weird. monday was our new installation banquet. it was a good time. kathy did a BEAUTIFUL job planning and taking care of everything. she rocks the house, no wonder she's going to be the "international president" hahahaha.. it was great, and interesting as well. there are some crazy people out there. yesterday was my 21st birthday.. whoo hoo. tuesday night we went to friday's at midnight, me, vivian, sakura and rachel. rachel's a new member in cki.. she's so great, and so funny. we're going to have her take sakura and i go bar hopping.. cuz she knows all of the places. sakura and i did a stoplight shot.. it was fun. wednesday i TOTALLY forgot i had work after my class. i was supposed to go to a basketball training session, and completely didn't even remember until an hour after it started. i rushed over there and caught the tail end of it. i'm kind of excited for basketball season..i hope i get to do the book a lot. then jill, jason, sakura, kristen and i went to margarita rocks. it was interesting, my first time in a bar/club. i mean... a real one.. those tj ones don't count. andy and jen came by later after they saw the bond movie, and chris was there with his friend.. so it was fun to be around people i knew. it was funny because all these guys kept coming up and trying to freak with sakura, and she was all freaked out. and this one real scary dude kept trying to talk to kristen. i lost my wallet and totally freaked out.. but some angel of a girl turned it in to the front desk and the security guard gave it to me. i love them both. all in all it was a good night.. hey hey.. you can't beat 10 cent chicken wings and 91 cent margaritas :)

anyways.. my birthday was fun.. i can't really complain.. i find out who really cares and in what capacity. i taped dawson's creek, and watched it today.. it was too cute. philly.. you're going to die when you watch it. haahah. anyhoo.. tomorrow and saturday i get to work at the wwpa water polo championships.. whoo hoo.. hot boys in speedos. lovely. also annie's cd release party is saturday.. that should be fun. i dunno.. my life is just kind of a blur.. maybe because i'm tired. but i get to go home soon and take a break from it all... hopefully. but i have a hot date on tuesday.. so i can't complain. whoo hoo! :)

ps... does anyone have a sleeping bag i can borrow?

so i've basically wasted my entire day and night... and just when i was going to post about getting my act together, and getting on the ball with things. it's weird.. because when i have so many things to do.. instead of becoming more efficient, i just get more apathetic.. and end up not doing anything at all.. which makes the situation worse. yuk. i need to have more discipline and dedication. some people i know do it really well, and get their stuff together.. how do they do it? and why am i such a slacker. yuk.... so basically i spent today working, and then napping, eating and chit chatting with the roommates. we even had a fun 15 minute cuddle session in brianne's bed.. where i also fell asleep for 2 hours after she left for work. went to class for three hours (was late of course) and then back home, where i ate waaaaaay too much of cotixan's, watched tons of the real world and then chatted up a storm once i was gone. thanks to philly i was highly amused and entertained as we both didn't want to do our homework. we're such bad influences on each other, but we're funny, and cute.. so you gotta love us. :P and also there was carrie and nicole and my new friend judy who's a rabid jason mraz and nsync fan. whoo hoo.. she's got good taste. hmm. i'm still not really making sense.. probably because it's 3am, i didn't do my hw yet and my carne asada is coming back to haunt me. time for bed!

ONE MORE WEEK!! WHOO HOO.

i don't really have anything important to say.. but i'm bored... so you get to hear me ramble. hmm. i didn't get to go home.. because i don't know, because i was tired, and lazy, and my dad told me to stay in san diego. especially because it was raining, and he didn't want me to drive in the rain. but anyhoo. hmm.. thursday i worked, and then slept.. quite eventful. although i did get a surge of energy and stayed up to finished crocheting the scarf that i'm making myself for ftc because i realized that i'm too broke to buy myself one. even with my discount from the gap. anyways... and then i watched movies by myself... coyote ugly and the sweetest thing. all gay romantic comedies that make me sad and even more bitter, and even more a believer that i'm going to die an old woman with my cats. ahahahha... yes.. i'm a bitter chick. but i told brianne that i wanted to be a coyote, and she told me that she knew i would want to be after i saw that movie. am i the perfect consumer or what?

anyways.. so yeah, for some odd reason i decided to stay up, and then after that ended up cleaning my room and staying up until 4am. that means i stayed up for 23 hours yesterday... what is wrong with me? i slept in today, which is nice, registered for classes, and then ran errands. it's rained all day today in san diego, which is kind of nice.... i needed a car wash. haha.. but it's interesting to see rain every once in awhile. call me crazy, but i sort of get sick of the sun all the time. but... i got a big fat disgusting parking ticket this morning for having the back end of my car in the red zone while parking in front of my complex. sucks.. i hate my complex and where i live.. it blows mad goats. i partly deserve it because i knew that i was in the red and was too lazy to move it, but it's frustrating because there's this asian rice rocket that parks in the red every single day and never gets a ticket, never gets towed.. what the heck!! so anyways... that's another $60 that i don't have. geeez. yuck.

i've sent out a lot of cd's to do jason mraz b&p's, so when i get that back i will be a happy girl. ftc is next weekend, so i get to travel and fly, and possible drive a rental car. it's always exciting driving cars that aren't yours. but i feel kind of bad because i don't feel like we have all of our shit pulled together, but hopefully it'll work out in the end. i have a ton of homework to do, and should not have just sat around bored around my apt all night, but i've really lost so much motivation to do anything but sit around. crazy enough i'm even considering leaving school early, like being done with my classes and starting "work" in january. how scary is that? jean in the real world. anyways.. i'm pretty beat.. either sleep or homework. probably sleep. i'm a lazy bum. my grandma is coming to torrance on tuesday... yay!! too bad i won't be there to hang out with her. i think my aunt from ny is coming too, and i think my dad took some time off to spend some qt with them. which is nice, i miss being able to be a part of that. but it's sad because it'll be so different that my grandfather isn't around anymore... i wonder how my grandma is now. we will see, we will see. okay.. enough ranting about nothing... comment or shout in my shout box. leave me some love people.

eleven more days!!

phew... well this one should be a long one, but it's going to be rather short. apologies. i need to go to bed (yes.. i know it's 10pm) so that i can wake up early so i can get to my 6am shift on time so that I don't get fired from my unfortunate job at gap. crazyness huh? I'm going to get fired. anyways.. so *phew* masquerade ball is over. now there's just a million more things to take care of that come after it. i've been telling people i feel like it never really happened because i was running around so much that the time just flew by, and i was never really in one place for too long that it just kind of was a huge blur. the dj wasn't spectacular, but he was okay, and definitely better than last year (heck.. me and my boombox would have been better than last year), and annie totally rocked the house. a lot of people came, so i think we may have even made money. pretty good considering i was worried about losing $2000. anyways.. uber thanks to EVERYONE who came, especially those who came at the last minute. everyone who came and supported us, it really means a lot to me that you came, liked it, and had a good time. :)

hm. so enough mushy. i'm finally blogging.. whoooo hooo. not much really. i finished that paper, but it was a bonafide piece of crap. school is definitely not my strong point, my grades are severely lacking this quarter. i just can't really seem to apply myself, which makes me think that i am doing too much... but it's hard to choose which one is the first to go. but also because i'm taking two production classes that involve two very critical teachers and a ton of outside work, which is hard to find the time for, and when i do have the time, i don't have the energy. yikes. anyways.. hopefully that will change, i'll try and focus this weekend... i need to focus. hmm.. not much really. spent halloween and friday night at home doing masquerade ball stuff. retained more proof that boys are evil and unreliable.. haha.. and did the whole masquerade ball thing.. and now i'm just kind of chillin. i've gone to bed every night before midnight this week. i'm catching up on so much sleep. but yeah. so now it's time to go... i hope everyone is doing well. i haven't talked to many people, i've been a little on the antisocial side.. but in and out. hmm.. maybe not antisocial, just not outgoing.. does that make sense? anyways.. i have a million things to do tomorrow... and i was going to go home.. but my dad told me to stay in san diego (how sad is that... ) but he just wants me to rest i guess. so gotta love him for that. i just wanted to go home to do my laundry and get my hair cut. who knows.. i might go anyways.. i need to get out of here..... i haven't been home since school started. yuk. my bday's in less than two weeks... the big TWO - ONE. celebrations are in order.

"don't forget your penis cream, son"

happy halloween everyone.

now come to masquerade ball.

so i'm too tired to write my paper that's due in 10 hours, yet i can blog. i'm such a horrible student. hmm. so it's been awhile.. or at least i feel that way. and part because i've been crazy busy, and part because i wanted to leave that masquerade ball plug in there, hoping it would help. i don't think it has or will, so.. yeah. or maybe i'll just do another one. but i felt like i wanted to blog because i got sick of seeing the same thing up there, so i figured others probably did too. all of the two people who read this thing anyways. but also, it's been a series of short nothing blogs, just kind of saying random babbling, which is fun, but also retarded in a way. so here's a real blog. i owe my blogger some love.

yeah.. it's been wicked crazy (uh oh.. brianne's vocabulary is sneaking up on me). and i think it all started when i started working at the gap... not that it's necessarily super hard, just time consuming, and another thing added to my already pretty packed schedule. ... that's so weird.. i just went back to read my most recent real blog, which was over a month ago, and i wrote stuff about how i was so busy, and i couldn't handle it.. and that was pre-GAP days.. so wow.. why did i feel the need to add something else to my schedule? anyways... hmm.. in the past month i saw She Blonde Swede at Lestat's. It was really good. I went shopping with Ryan for Kristen's 21st bday. Had our first and following Circle K meetings where we've had up and downs in numbers of attendance, but mostly good over all. It obviously has decreased from the initial get go, but it freaks me out because I feel like people aren't coming back because they find me annoying or stupid or just plain weird, since I do most of the talking at the meetings, and I feel like people aren't going to join, or come to meetings... I don't know. But anyhoo.. another sad point is that it's mostly new members.. there are less than 5 returning members besides the board members, and all the rest are new. Which is nice in terms of recruitment, but what the heck happened to retention? I hope this just means that we're building a strong club for the future. That's what it's about eh? I missed FallFest, Jurassic 5, mxpx and Blackalicious played. All bands that I would have liked to see, but didn't have the energy to go... how sad. I've been working both at the GAP and at ICA at school, which is pretty fun, I sell people clothes they don't need, try and flirt with the cute boys and dress them up as if they were my boyfriends, and then get paid to watch athletic games (especially those boys in speedos at the swim meets.. yay), but it just leaves me with no time to myself. I usually get scheduled at 6am to do shipment, which is crappy because I'm ALWAYS late, and in danger of being fired for it. 6am I CAN'T handle.. but I try.. I should get a gold star for effort. We went to CKI South, Nicole was the chair, and it was excellent.. we beat CKI North in terms of amount of $ raised because the South rocks, as does Nicole, and although it wasn't as great because it wasn't in Torrance, it was still pretty fun. I got some good pictures of Hailes trying to push an egg with his nose in the grass, hilarious. Angelee turned 21, which means I'm getting close (22 days away!!) and I did some new things for the first time, which is an experience in itself. hmm... we're not gonna talk about that one.. my sister reads this. saw Jason Mraz at the epicentre for one of the last SD shows for awhile (that I know about anyways), and saw Annie play a show at Twiggs.. it was good times to be had by all. For Jason Mraz it was fun because Beth came down and I got to chill with her, hear her gush about Jason Mraz, and I guess I just enjoy her being starstruck because then it makes me feel less retarded for feeling the same way, well maybe not as extreme..haha just kidding Beth.

i dunno, I guess that's it... just school, work, circle k.. not in that order, but being too busy for my own good. i feel like i haven't really talked to a lot of my friends, and i don't know if that's because i haven't been available, or just due to everyone being further apart you really have to make the effort to keep in touch. but at the same time, i feel like the effort should be two sided, because i'm already self concious enough, and i don't need to be chasing after people begging for friends like the dork that i am. so i guess i've just been feeling lonely a lot lately, or alienated... but i don't know why. i should probably learn to not take things so personally because everyone is busy, but it doesn't mean they're blowing me off.. but who knows.. i definitely get a lot of weird vibes though, but those can also be self created as well. i guess i'm just not as independent of a person that i think that i am, and i need a lot of assurance and attention and affirmation... and when i don't get it, i start to doubt myself and think that there's something wrong with me. but ironically enough, when i do get it, i don't know what to do with it, and i just feel like people are being facetious, but i guess deep down inside it's those little things that you do need to hear, because although one may act like they don't believe you, it still gives them warm fuzzies. i guess lately i haven't been around enough positive human contact, and there are times when i feel like people don't value me as much as i value them, which is hard, but that's the way life is yeah? it just makes me feel like a dork though. i spend all day trying to please people, because that's my job... i don't want to have to do it just for someone to like me. dana told me once freshman year that real friendship shouldn't be so hard... and that's really true. and i say "i guess" a lot... i guess. (jk). but that's probably another sign of my insecurities, and why i'm spilling my guts out in a public forum i don't know.. but this is what i'm thinking at 4:32am on a wednesday morning... bordering on 22 hours since the time that i woke up yesterday.. although i did have a nice 1.5 hour nap today. it helped me not fall asleep in class like the so many times i have before.

lastly there's just a lot of house drama going on lately. i guess that's the result of living with an apartment full of girls, but not always... just certain ones. kimmy swears that i have the roommate curse or something because this is the fourth year that i've had roommate issues.. never the same, just always difficult. then i start to wonder.. is it me? this time... it's partly my own fault, sort of... but i was hesitant about living here in the first place. i didn't really want to live with random strangers because you never know how it's going to turn out, really good or really bad. and then they always say that living together takes tolls on people's friendships, and that's probably true too. i had issues and concerns about living here before, and taking advice from friends, relatives, and my own thinking (and lazyness), i wound up here. i still don't really know what to make of it still, but i know that it's going to be interesting the rest of the 8 months. there are times when i don't really feel at home, or super comfortable, and that just kind of sucks when you have to live there, but i guess there's not much i can do. my mom tells me that there's a whole world of people that i'm not going to get along with, so maybe this will just prepare me for it. don't get me wrong.. it's not as horrid as the crazy psycho lady from sophomore year.. i don't know if anything will ever be as bad as that... i do like my roommates, it's just awkward i guess.. and uneasy at points.. and for those of you who know me, and know what's going on, i'm sure you can gage why i feel this way... but sometimes i don't even know why i feel the way i do... so maybe not. now i'm starting to feel like pete holiday who complains about his roomies on his website.. i just hope mine don't have any redneck cousins/friends that are going to come beat my ass.

my sister sent me this online.. i think she's in hawaii right now.. but i'm not really even sure.. what a bad sister i am.. shoot.. what a bad sister she is.. isn't even sending me a postcard. but it's pretty interesting, it's this analyzation based on my name.. .:

As Jeanyah you have a great love of nature and the out-of-doors. All the finer things of life and beauties of nature are an inspiration to you and you are attracted to the mysteries of nature. Difficulty in expression results in your being too positive, blunt, and candid in speech and although you are easily offended by others, you do not show it. You crave affection and understanding, but rarely find it as others do not understand you and accuse you of being cool and aloof. The average person would never realize the true depth of your nature. A very individual, independent person, you live within your own thoughts. The insecurity you experience from limited verbal expression and social ease results in a jealous possessiveness and suffering through frustration, repressed emotion, and self-consciousness. This name would cause tension affecting the eyes, teeth, sinuses, ears or throat. There could also be a sensitivity in the heart, lungs, and respiratory organs, and frequent headaches. do your own

well i've shared far too much tonight, procrastinated enough, and i'm probably going to pay for all of this later... but anyhoo. come to masquerade ball... pretty please with a cherry on top.