hellllllllloooooooooooooooooooo.... wow..i slowly weaned myself off of the computer in the past few weeks.. which is good.. but now it's almost backwards because now i'm too lazy to blog. hahaha. . but it's been almost 20 days. wow. but it is spring break now.. and i am going to sleep all week :) maybe disneyland? vegas? i want to do something fun.. dang. i should have went to rosarito or something. :) "booze and hot guys... heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeyy..." hahahaha

hmm... what to say. since my last blog.. i spent two weeks living at school because i was editing my two videos. one for my non linear digital editing class, and the other one for my senior seminar class. both turned out decent. one was an opinion piece about middle easterns in the media.. but it got turned more into a very abstract piece about bush/hussein/war/heroes/villains. i still really don't know. the other one was about.... circle k. *yes.. i know i am lame* hahahaha.. but i think it turned out fairly decent for not really having enough or that great of footage. i had a lot from the beginning of the year, and then i sort of just got lazy or forgot about it, so there's not that much of the new members or the year. hmm.. but i think it is pretty good. i kind of wish i had maybe been able to do one for the district.. and maybe showed it at convention.. that would have been fun.. oh well... that probably would have driven me INSANE.

so yeah.. lived in the editing room.. that was my life. afterwards became scrapbook. we worked on that thing day and night.. and sakura and i thought we would never finish in time.. but we did. it was great. after my videos were turned in, i had one final. and i just did scrapbook the rest of the time, cutting letters, glueing pictures.. making stuff.. blah blah blah. sakura and i rented 8 mile and the sex and the city third season... that's a pretty good thing to rent if you have a long project to work on. wednesday night i had rehearsal for critical darling, the stage that i'm assistant stage manager for. it's okay.. it's pretty boring right now.. i just set up the coffee and drinks, and the tables and chairs, and then clean up after everyone leaves. it kind of sucks because it seems like you're the crew bitch... but whatever.. that's probably why i like acting better :) it's also crappy because i'm supposed to attend all the rehearsals, which is like 6 days a week, and i wanted to take these classes, but the production stage manager got all pissed at me and was like.. you have to come to every single one.. it's a class you know. shoot... 4 units for 24 hours of class time a week.. i don't think so. hahaha anyhoo.. rehearsal that night, and then talent show skit practice... then my final the next day and then scrapbooking at jamie's apt. from 7pm thursday to 8am friday morning. 13 hours straight. then i passed out for 3 hours, packed, and drove to convention. there was soooooooooo much traffic on the 101.. the 5 was alright once i got out of san diego, but emily, janet and i got to the hotel around 7pm right in time for opening session. we blew up the bangers/thundersticks that i got from athletics. they were loud and annoying.. they were so great :) ali was super funny.. way entertaining.. and sakura didn't get there until later.. which sucked because she won awards :( that night was caucus, then candidates discussion and then skit practice.

saturday was talent show auditions (we didn't make it.. thanks a lot nicole!!) and house of delegates. there were workshops too. but i didn't go to any :( oops. i was busy.. hahaha.. then we spent a long time getting ready for the senior reception. i did sakura and carrie's hair. and we were soooooooooo late for it.. and everyone was rushing us telling us we were going to be late, almost to the point of hostility.. hahaha i was getting kind of mad. but that's because they wanted to present me with an award.. hahaha i was like "dude.. what's the big rush? hahaha and then i found out. then awards night. it was sooooooooooooo good. we won something in everything we entered except for mei po wong. :( but it's okay. we were still pretty stoked.. and we got FIRST PLACE FOR SCRAPBOOK.. yeeeeeaaahh!! *kiss my butt pete holiday* hahaha. indy here we come. but seriously.. it was so weird.. sakura was so nervous she couldn't eat.. i was so nervous that while they started announcing the names i started shaking and crying.. it was so weird. after they went to go get the award, i went to the bathroom because i was a mess... and nicole saw me and though someone had died. hahah... but my entire board got distinguished honors, and along with other positions, and for service and distinguished club. we rock :) we were so excited, and we kept screaming and we were loud and annoying.. hahah.. the grossmont guys were plugging their ears cuz we were shrieking so loudly. whatever. hahah. that night was the dance/karaoke/casino. we have some hooched out freshman in our club. hahaha.. they so cute.. and then sakura and i hung out a little bit in the room and just ate chips and laughed. it was a good time. then we went to pieing. i got to pie joe regala .. cuz we put our tickets in team 3 so that we could pie someone. and then we bought the right to pie hailes. WHOO HOO... it was a good time. hahahah.. then sakura, petey and i hung out with carrie and nicole in their room. watched infomercials but narrated them on our own.. hha.. and got takeout from denny's... and then ate it as we watched my husband dean cain :) and then we all passed out. the next morning for farewell session.. it was good... long... ;) it was a lot different from last year.. because the farewell portion is really focused on the dboard and friends. i wonder how people who don't really know much about the district side of circle k are able to sit through it. they just all think we're a big bunch of saps who cry too much. especially that carrie chen girl.. she's always crying no matter what. haha.. it's okay.. at least i didn't have to write anyone's speech this year. hahah. we watched a video promoting icon.. hahah .. sakura had a blast ... "yay rupy!!" hahahaha... we're such dorks. we got third place total achievement.. whoo hoo. that makes the total TWENTY awards for the weekend.. including individual honors for our members through mrp and sdc and junk like that. in the words of banana "we rock like a band" after that.. hung out with beth, ryan, ryan, nicole, mondo, stephanie, carrie, and scott at friday's. then we hung out outside.... and then we went to denny's. i didn't leave woodland hills until 11pm. we're dorks. but we had good conversation and just laughed all night long.. telling secrets and stories. hahaha..

that night i passed out in my bed... only to be rudely awakened by carrie so i could have the pleasure of taking her to the airport. one hour of traffic later i was at her apartment, taking a nap before we leave to drop her off. then i drove home, stopped at winchell's because i had a craving for non-krispy kreme donuts, and then went home, ate my donuts, watched a little tv and then slept until 6pm.. (basically all day) went out to dinner with my parents, and now i'm back. blogging like a mad woman. i probably just going to go back to sleep, but maybe read a little harry potter before i go to sleep :) i don't know what i'm going to do this week.. i want some crazy spring break adventure.. but i don't think it's going to happen. maybe disneyland.. or vegas.. that would be fun. or maybe just sleep.. that's always the best. the only sucky part is to hear my mom nag about how i'm lazy. but i work hard.. i deserve it... or so i like to tell myself :)

so i must have done something really bad because my karma is kicking me in the ass.

hmm... wow.. it's been a long time since i've really blogged.. a whole new month even. i've either just really busy, or really lazy.. or both. haahhaha.. anyhoo..i don't quite remember what i've been doing these past few weeks. i went to dlssp south, and that was way fun... i got to draw and paint a caterpillar, and then went home and ate good food :) realized that i have less than three weeks (now two) to edit two videos... i'm going to be living at school. ugh. elections for circle k. they were...weird.. just a lot of unexpecting things happened.. but i dunno. whatever.. i'm done. hahaha. jk. but i guess there's nothing i can really do about it now.

this weekend.. i basically killed myself, work and school on saturday and then circle k stuff all sunday, monday and tuesday. yup... i was working on awards.. and i missed school and work to finish them. yes.. i know it's my own fault, but really i didn't try to procrastinate.. but i dunno, for some reason the awards just took so long to do. we had like three meetings before to work on the awards.. but i dunno.. they just never got done. and it sucked because in the end i ended up doing a lot of the grunt work because a)no one else "had time" (cuz i did right?) and b)it seemed as if i cared the most if they got finished. i mean.. i guess i could have forced people to do them, and say if not then they won't get done.. but i'm not really like that, and my pride wouldn't let me not get them done. i don't know... but i do know that when it comes down to the nitty gritty who's going to be there. thanks a million to kathy, sakura and hailes who helped despite their homework, health and cars. :( they helped as much as they could and saved my life as well as our club awards. i owe them so much, and am so grateful for them.. so thanks guys :) enough mushy stuff... but yeah.. so i slept a total of 10 hours in the three days i was working on awards. and THEN as if it wasn't punishment enough, i made sakura come over and go with me to fedex. she volunteered to drive since i couldn't find my wallet underneath the piles of mrf's and cerf forms. so as we were in a mad dash to fedex, we got into a car accident :( this stupid lady was like stopped in the middle of the street, and i guess we just couldn't stop in time. it sucks that it was sakura's car, and it was because of cki and yuk yuk yuk... bad situation in all.. i'm sorry sakura :(. and if that wasn't bad enough, i had to work at 5am this morning. we're getting new flow at the gap (although i should say we anymore because today was my last day.... I'M FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!) and so i had to go in at 5am. boo. as i was setting up this folding table, i was trying to get the part that supports the leg to straighten out, and it pushed back out and the leg swung back in and the end part of the table leg SMACKED me in the face. i screamed, i cried and my manager walked me to the back as i was bawling. i washed it and taped gauze to my face.. (i looked really funny.. although i didn't find it too humorous at the time) and later i went to the doctor, and they said i was okay.. i'm just going to have a black eye for two weeks. boo. it's like right above my eye, and right below my eyebrow.. near my nose. but still pretty swollen, bruised, sore and atrocious. :( yea.. i'm a freak... and now i'm a freak with a black eye. and you thought i couldn't get any fuglier.

*disclaimer* by "us" it means my sister and her friends. :)

LOS ANGELES: BETTER LUCK TOMORROW STRATEGY MEETING

JOIN US for the strategy meeting for the release of BETTER LUCK TOMORROW.
We are gearing up for an April 2003 release- and need your help to get the word out to as many people as possible.

SATURDAY, MARCH 8
Visual Communications
2-4pm.

We will screen BLT: Genesis, the behind the scenes documentary, and the trailer for Better Luck Tomorrow.
Meet Justin Lin and the cast of Better Luck Tomorrow.
Pick up BLT posters and postcards to spread to your friends and drop off at your favorite hangouts.
Help us with our grassroots marketing strategy and campaign!

EMAIL YOUR RSVP at info@betterlucktomorrow, so we know how many
people are planning to attend.

Once we get your RSVP- we will email you the address of the location and directions.

See you March 8th-- BLT
http://www.betterlucktomorrow.com

hmm.. so i haven't felt like blogging in awhile, but now that i feel like it, i don't know what to say. things have been kind of random and crazy in the past few weeks, and i've been super busy with all sorts of stuff. not as busy as during winter vacation, but a different kind of busy, because i have more school, cki and less work (whoa.. do i just say the same thing over and over again in all the "different" blogs?).. wow.. i'm lame.

last week was the same 'ol same 'ol. i went to my classes, did circle k stuff. i tried to register for my classes (whoa.. my last quarter.. sad!) but i didn't even know what classes to take. and a lot of the classes i want to take, you have to be approved for. how lame. but i really would i could get into singing for actors... that would rock. friday was valentine's day, and i stayed up all night doing homework and circle k stuff, then went to class, and then worked the basketball game. hey.. i figure if i have no big plans, i might as well make myself busy so that i don't have to think about it eh? the game was sad because the guys lost... but cameron told me they won on saturday against dominguez hills... so that is good, too bad i wasn't there to see it. Saturday was the fashion show. i don't want to say it was lame, because it was good for our first try. but it just sucked a little because hardly any of the members went (and we had no audience) and it was really short. i didn't even expect it to be as short as it was. but that's one of the drawbacks of ucsd... that we go to a nerdy school.. ahah.. where everyone needs to study, or they just go home on the weekends. and it's hard to draw people to an event where there is no drugs or booze. hahah.. jk. that night we went had a cki "social" shopping, dinner and a movie. it was a good time, except i skipped out early on the movie to go see angels in america, a play for my class. it was pretty good.. there was even a naked man!! (my virgin eyes!) and it was funny because one of the scenes we did in my acting class sophomore year was taken from angels... so it brought back memories...

after i got out of the play, i got this message from sakura saying how she was lost, and out of gas, and how she was going to die, and for me to call her back. i FREAKED OUT... and called her but she didn't answer.. (because i learned later her cell phone died). i promptly started calling everyone and their mother to try and find out where she is, and felt so retarded.. and then she called me and told me she got home okay.. but we laughed at how retarded i am. haha.. she came over and we hung out and watched sex in the city. yay. sunday was a super marathon day where we worked on the scrapbook, and i did MRP stuff. yikes.. it takes forever and a day. monday.. i had to work in the morning and i was SO tired after i came back.. i napped and then board meetings and budgets and agendas oh my. today is tuesday.. and it's just been class and circle k. whoo hoo. i came home and vegged because i was tired of dealing with people. people can be really dumb sometimes, and i hate the fact that some people can be so ignorant, and try to infect other people with their stupidity. ugh. so i watched 3 hours of sex in the city, the did tae-boxing.. (yeah i know.. billy blanks you love him) and then darrin's dance grooves.. hahaha.. yes.. we're bored individuals.

a few last things. at cki meetings, when i talk and ramble on and try to move through the agenda, i always feel so lame. like people are just sitting there listening to me talk with these pained expressions on their faces. i get no responses when i try to ask them questions, and i just feel stupid.. like why am i even trying. but i guess that's typical of most people who run meetings. meetings are just plain boring. or maybe it's just me. oh well.. only like six weeks left?

and... a week ago or so.. i went to friday's to get my reward for my seven hours of cki meetings. it was also a big excuse to "bump" into a certain person. because i am a huge lame retard and a loser.. and impossible as well. and so i did "bump" into that certain person. we chatted for a big.. hugged (which of course left me lingering) and in the end i got said person's cell phone number (i don't know if it's the right one though.. hahah). this should be seen as a great thing.. although i feel like it's just another opening to be shot down. needless to say i haven't called because i hate rejection, i'm super busy.. and really i don't know what i would say. i have it tacked up on my bulletin board just as a reminder that i have it.. like some sort of trophy for some small triumph. but i can't bring myself to do anything with it... because of my huge lack of self esteem. i don't even know why i'm posting this for the world to see, for all the 6 people who read this anyways. but i guess i just needed to.. i dunno.. be retarded. where i've been told i either need to do something about it, or move on.. i can't do either. because the rejection would be too hard to handle, and the possibility of something could always happen is exciting. and in my own weird loserish way, i justify it by thinking it's like having a crush on a movie star. something that's totally unattainable, but fun to joke about anyways. i don't know. i was walking this girl in my class, who's super cute.. and smart, and we were chatting about how she'd go to restaurants and always get things for free. and today, this other guy in our class was like.. "jean.. why don't you hook me up?" i laughed but he was totally serious. and i sat next to her as 5 more guys flocked around her. and then i just sit there, wallowing in my own self pity, wondering, how come i can't be one of those girls. haahaha. okay.. you should have stopped reading this like 35 lines ago.

circle k has enveloped my life..

i don't know whether that's a good thing or bad thing.. but i do know it's 4:37am and i'm still up doing my homework. yuk. i spent yesterday and today doing circle k stuff, sitting through 7 hours of different sorts of meetings, preparing for meetings, making agendas, talking to people about circle k stuff, thinking about what's coming up in circle k. yikes.. it is insane how much of a circle k nerd i am. (and the scary thing is that there are even bigger circle k nerds than me out there!!) today i prepared for the meeting when i realized there was a recognition thing due this saturday, which is not simple and requires letters of rec and hour tabulation in order to even nominate someone. ugh. so yeah.. i have to count up all the hours so that i can ask people to write letters of rec. my secretary can't do it because she has an 8am class, and a volleyball game tomorrow night... so guess who volunteered to do it. i really need to learn how to delegate better. anyhoo.. i thought it wasn't bad because for my class, although i have reading, i always get by with not doing it.. haahaha, i thought i only had to do my prompt book and write a 1 page paper. sounds easy right? nope.. i just spent the last 5 hours doing my prompt book. *sigh*

but yeah.. elections are in only 2 weeks. that seems so scary. i only have 7 weeks left in my term. and just like last year, as much as i gripe and complain about it, and celebrate how soon it will be over, i'll still miss it when it's gone. it's scary to think that these people are going to come and replace you, and you hope that they'll do a good job.. but you never really know. the ones that you think will do a good job suck, and the ones you aren't sure of sometimes amaze. sometimes.. and then there's that just run everything in to the ground. but in any case circle k will live to see another day.. we hope. (or at least some of us.. hahahahah) nominations were crazy today, and technically i have 7 (yeah.. SEVEN) people running for president. but the members went on a nominating frenzy, and everyone just said they'll think about it... but i feel like a majority of them will decline.. i just hope not all of them. and then i think maybe they just all said yes because they're scared to say no? to me? i don't know.. i'm "witty" and "sarcastic" and that nickname "mean jean" i got, was a joking term, but people who don't know me well, i honestly think that i'm mean. i'm really not, i'm a nice girl. i promise. but what.. these people who got nominated say yes only for a fear that i'll come after them in the parking lot after the meeting because they won't run for my position? i don't know.. i swear i try to be as non-threatening as possible. but with the power and position of making things happen and bringing things into order... you also play the bad guy. i dunno.. maybe i expect too much.

i also have been wondering how my life would be different (and better or worse) if i had run for governor last year.. and either won and this year i would have been gov. or lost and this year i would have had no position. our club board would probably be a lot different... and my life would either be real busy or not so busy at all. but i guess there's not use thinking about it.. but it's another one of those grand "what-if's." i've set myself up in a good position to run for another position for next year...which makes me sad because there's so much that i'd like to do and experience.. but i refuse to be one of those people who are in circle k for eight years, especially if i don't even need to go to school anymore!! but it's like my feeling like i didn't get enough out of college, like i never went to the gym enough, didn't use AS resources as much as i could have, did go abroad.. all those things that are so easy while you're in school, and so hard once you're not. eh.. but anyhow.. i have to go write my one page and then do that circle k stuff. and it's now 5am. at least i have class at 2pm.. although tomorrow is a full day.. class, sdsu meeting and then budget stuff with sakura. at least i get to hang out with MY honey.. (that's right manny...)

*i haven't heard back from sea world... i'm kind of bummed.. maybe i should call? i don't know, but i always feel like it's too pushy. and also, if they want you, they call you. if they don't want you, they don't call... that's always how it is. booooooooo.

let's see.. it's february. yikes a new month.. and i didn't even turn around 3 times.. dammit!! but wow.. it's feb 8th already.. it seems like it's been going by so fast. i haven't been doing much, just a lot of class, and circle k. a little bit of work. but everything comibined is kicking my ass. on friday i was at school until 5am editing my video. i had class at 11 and got 4 measely hours of sleep and was sooooooooo dead all day. the day before i was at school until 1am, and the day before that i worked on my video for a few hours. so i swear it wasn't just because i was slacking. i came home this weekend, it's nice to get away sometimes... it's still the same 'ol same 'ol at home. but it was nice, my dad gave me this great big hug when i walked through the door. yay. i think i appreciate home a lot more now that i'm not home as often. but i do really need to find a job for after i graduate, because there's no way i could live at home again. i can't live the 12 year old life again.. but i'm not so sure if i'm ready to live the grown up life either. yikes. and one more thing.. i can't watch tv at home. haha..i feel so restricted when i have like 200+ channels at home, and here i only have like 7, it's hard to be entertained.

stup is engaged.. and at the same time where that seems surreal, it's not as surprising, just because they already live together, and all that jazz. i wonder if it's just starting, like the married life, and all my friends will start to become engaged. haha.. i feel like i'm so behind.. like.. i'm not even in that process. but 21 is super early to be engaged or married, or at least i think so. and my sister's not even engaged yet, and that makes me feel a little better. but.. sometimes i feel like i'm going to be a spinster for life. with my dogs.. or cats.. i haven't decided yet. that one got milk? commercial freaked me out. everyone tells me.. "don't worry.. it'll happen, and you'll find a good person" but like nicole says "how do you know? do you have a crystal ball? no? then SHUT UP" haha... but just a freaky thought i had.. my fortune cookie today said "have patience - it'll be worth it" or something like that. whoa..... and on another side note.. just to tell you how cracked horoscopes are... sometimes it seems like they're totally dead on.. and other times.. you spend your time searching for what they mean. but realize, that they're full of crap. hahha.. the past few days my email horoscope has been talking about partners and passionate embraces. yah.. not seeing any of that in my real life. too bad.

my stage management professor recommended me to be the production stage manager for this show in the new play festival. at the same time where's it's exciting and flattering to hear him say that he thinks i can do it, it also freaks me out to have that much responsibility (if i do it). like.. i've never done it before, what if i mess up? yikes.. i dunno. it's odd. but i might do it. and i compared it to being like the team manager... haha. if you can't be in a play, stage manage. although if you talk to my professor.. i never said those words. it's just in my case. because i suck.

speaking of things that suck... this whole cki vs. unofficial cki is dumb. and maybe you can say that i don't know enough, or that my opinion is biased.. but then again, so is everyone's. when it comes down to it... some members made a site about circle k. you can't really blame anyone for that. and maybe there's a lot of international and staff workings that i don't understand their reasoning behind it, but i think that it sucks that they're taking it so far. and that the site is down, and yet there's still this big hullabaloo. i also think part of it is because of who made the site, and that pretty much sucks too. people need to get over themselves. and that's definitely not just in this case, but in the whole overall picture of people. in the words of bring it on "shut up, you don't have it, you never will" (maybe if you were me or brianne it would be funnier) but anyways.. if someone wants to explain their side to me.. i'll be more than happy to listen. but the whole situation is dumb, and it's sad because i really enjoyed the site, and thought it could be useful, and i liked reading those posts... i'm a post reader. it's little stuff like this that makes you lose faith in things. like when you get bad service at a restaurant, you're not going to want to go there again. but it also makes me sad, because it also makes me realize you can't do anything to change it. it's this huge corporation type deal, and even if you want to make change, it seems like you can't. policy sucks..no matter where it's from. and yeah.. they're meant to keep things in order, which they do. but some of those policies are dumb and they need to shove it up their butts.

one more thing that sucks is people. haha and not the way you want them to either. but yeah.. i dunno.. i just can't believe that some people are so retarded, or so mean. and i dunno.. i consider myself a nice fun person (right? haha.. you wouldn't be reading my blogger if you hated me.. or maybe you would) but yet some people don't want to be my friends. loser. or not even that really, but like people who were my friends before, that just stop because of certain things that are not my fault. whatever.. i'm still a little bitter about that one. but with people in general, there is always a lot of backstabbing and rudeness in this world, that you really don't need to perpetuate it more. and maybe it's because you think you're better than someone else, you just want to go with the flow... but it sucks. but i guess that's life, and it happens, and you learn who your real friends are. they always told me that when you move off campus, you find out who your real friends are, the ones you make a real effort to hang out with, and the ones who make the effort back, because friendship is a two way thing. i think i need to learn early on who's not "worth it" to expend you energy on. but i dunno.. then maybe i would become the kind of people that i'm talking about if i did that. so i dunno.. which is worse, to try and be friends with everyone, or to be a snobby bitch. hhaha.. well when i say it like that. of course, i'm just rambling, and the whole world thinks i'm an idiot, but i also can't really give specific details for the whole world to read, because i'm not like that either. so.. whatever. in 10 years i'm sure none of this will matter, and i'll always wonder what happened to those people who i could never really keep in touch with, but hopefully i'll still have friends to converse with... or else that that would be a sad story.

and one more sad story.. casey told me that some grad student jumped off pacific hall at our school on friday. that's so sad that you can't really think of anything else besides that. you know? i can't imagine things really being that bad, but that's also because i'm a big weenie. i'd get to the top and just chicken out. i was never much of a risk-taker. but yeah....

i applied for an internship at sea world. that would be awesome.. maybe almost like a real job.. sort of. minimum wage.. but sea world rocks. wish me luck.

i am also quite sick. wish me well.

yuk... the weekend's almost over. i feel like it hasn't even started. well.. not true.. but i miss the summer. maybe it's the weather that makes it seem like it should be summer. it's been pretty nice lately. hmm.. classes thursday and friday. friday i worked at spirit night. it was fun, it seemed like a lot smaller turnout than the years before... but YAY.. marshall won!! whoo hoo. the women won, and the men lost. boo. but it's fun to see the stands filled with people. :) that night i got dessert and then went to the SMAC house party. where i got pretty smashed.. which is bad. but it was a combination of me eating a way early dinner, and my low tolerance. i don't know.. but i don't remember half of the things that happened, and i kicked a guy, and some other stuff. vivian had to walk me home and tuck me in. i was also really nautious this morning.. but i toughed it out, and it passed. was late to work again.. my boss was so mad. :( we play uc davis, and their incredible pep band was in tow. the women lost, and the men. oh my gosh.. i was so excited because i totally thought they were going to win. maybe we jinxed them.. but nooooooo we lost in double overtime. and everyone says it was due to like all the rampant bad calls. weird.. it sucks that a game comes down to that. but duuude. it was nerve-wracking working this game and having it be that close. whew.. i'm sad that they lost.. :( boo. after that i went downtown with sakura. we wanted to check out the "fifth quarter" and the superbowl activities. except we got there too late, and all the activity stuff was closed, but it was still fun, lots of traffic and police. plus lots of drunk people and girls in hoochie outfits, and stretch limos, and hummer limos. those rock. plus!! we saw all these cadillac suv's and one of them had 5 (five!!) tv's in it. and this other one had tv's in the sun-shade part. these cars were crazy. we finally parked and walked around.. it was alright. there were some interesting people there, and every once in awhile some drunk guys would come up to me and sakura and go yay ucsd!!, go tritons! cuz we were both wearing ucsd sweatshirts. which by the way, i felt way underdressed. some really hot guy hugged me and was like "hi honey" but i think that's only because i was holding sakura's hand, they were jealous. what is it about boy's fascination with girl's holding hands? hmmph. nothing much new.. the superbowl is tomorrow, i'll probably be sleeping, or doing hw, or cki stuff. hahahah. what a loser i am.

hmm... i fell a little bit behind in the blogging, but my life is lame.. so it's okay. in continuation of my bad days...

bad day #3 of the SAME week. friday i get in my car to go to class, to discover that the stationary window in the rear passenger door in smashed and there's glass all over my back seat. and upon further inspection some f*ckers tried to hot wire my car and steal it, and when they couldn't do that they tried to steal my radio, and yet were too stupid to do that too. just all the plastic in my car has dreadful pry marks where they jammed their tools in... suckers. i swear.. what is up with this week... i must have really bad karma.. or "chi" as my mom puts it. anyways.. i called a million different people and was a hour late to class. it kind of sucks that someone broke into my car and didn't take anything, like it wasn't even worth their time to break into my car if you're not even going to take anything!!... and my insurance doesn't pay for it because of my deductible. angelee said that too bad they didn't steal my car... haha my deductible will cover me getting a new car.. haha jk. in all seriousness though.. if i had walked out on to the street and my car wasn't there.. i really would have thought i was losing my mind.. after everything that happened in the days before. it would have been like "dude where's my car" except a lot less funnier.

during the weekend i worked a lot, played a little bit with sakura, did cki stuff. there was no big partying though. my parents came down on sunday and we went to costco and cooked dinner in my apt. nothing too big. it's not like freshman year where your parents coming down meant going out to eat at the most expensive place you can think of. damn. this week has been all school and circle k. i haven't had to work at the gap for the second week in a row, and it's glorious. :) i like working... but i have just had so many things to do.. it's nice to be able to accomplish most of them, and still have time to sleep. no more shipment at 6am.. whoo hoo!! (watch out.. i might jinx myself.. *knock on wood*) my life is pretty blah and boring. and i've just been feeling real useless lately, with my "friends".. i dunno.. it's hard to explain.. so i'll just stop here. but yeah.. i did well on my quizzes though, i'm doing a little bit better in school, which is good.. maybe i'll actually get a's this quarter. whoo hoo. but i have a heavy day tomorrow... so i'm going to go.. it's SPIRIT NIGHT!! YAY.. goooooo tritons.

i really ought to be sleeping or reading or something.. but i obviously am not. so here's what my blogger has to say. saturday was a super bummy day obviously... i just tried to get things done, new keys... etc. boo. I was supposed to go out with Val that night, but she was super tired, and so I just kind of chilled with Brianne. she tried to get me to go out to the bars with her, but to no avail. so whatever... people came over, we hung out, drank. Rachel came over and we chit chatted.. exchanged stories. at 12:30am, our power went out. so my apartment was full of a bunch of drunk people and no power... hmm. the next day i went down to Ocean Beach to get a hair cut. i thought it was really cute, but now i just feel like i look like a mushroom head, and at other times i feel like i look like Professor Snape from Harry Potter... that's the kind of hair cut i have. anyhoo.. sunday i had the circle k board mtg and scrapbook mtg. we're soooooooooooo gonna win 1st place :P but before that... i swear i am losing my mind because i thought that i lost my keys again.. but i tossed them behind some picture frame on a desk. i searched for a hour.. and i didn't even find them... vivian found them for me later. *sigh* what's wrong with me. monday...

bad day #2: my car overheated and was smoking all the way up and down la jolla village drive. so i find out i have a 4 inch crack in my radiator, and absolutely no water in my car... boo. i know nothing about cars, and it all caught up to me. anyhoo.. last night went to friday's for kimmy's "happy day" she made us promise to not mention the fact that it was her birthday... so we just ate. i came back, did homework, fell asleep on the couch. this morning, finished my homework, got my car fixed, school, auditions, dinner, and then no call back. boo.. i hate being rejected. anyhoo.. this week is kind of a mess... i have so much to do, and i'm not even working!! i can't imagine what it'd be like it i was.. maybe i really should quit. but i'm working all this weekend, hopefully do some good partying friday night. we'll see. but i am pooped and drained. goodnight.

tonight is the suckiest night in the world. either that.. or i'm on a lot of crack. today. i didn't even want to go out, and i shouldn't have. but i did anyways... and here's what happened. somewhere in between 11pm and 3am, i lost my wallet, my keys and a pack of gum. not my car key.. just my house and apartment keys, circle k office key and drive key for my digital editing class. these are all peculiar things to lose, and if those items just happened to fall on the ground as i was getting out of my car, i really should have noticed... because i was neither drunk nor high. so i drive home and think maybe i just happen to leave my wallet at home, and i just can't find my gum.. when i realized i don't have my apt keys... which makes me think someone broke into my car (because the doors were unlocked when i got back in.. and i thought i was just absent minded and forgot to lock them.. but maybe i did.. but i don't know) took my wallet, my keys and my gum. the wallet i get.. the gum.. probably because it was there.. (i hope they choke on it) but my keys?! what the heck are they going to do with my keys? they don't know where i live. (hopefully) my wallet also has my 50 dollar barnes and noble gift card, my credit cards, my gap employee discount card, my movie ticket stubs, my kaiser card, my amc movie watcher card, my tgi friday's card, my very precious school id card (now i'm going to have to get a new ugly gay id card), my receipts, and many other precious things.. so unless i'm highly delusionaly and i just misplaced my gum, wallet and keys somewhere else, this blows.

i am sad.

happy new year! it's 2003 already.. whoa. so anyways.. don't worry philly.. i'm here.. sort of. my mind has kind of been all over the place lately.. which doesn't help since school is starting, or started should i say. hmm.. my life is going to become super busy once again, but i don't know if that's a good thing or bad thing. i really need to be more disciplined and not fool around so much and be that good student, good president, good employee.. blah blah blah. that last one may need some reconsidering though. i'm kind of over working retail.. is that bad? hmm..

anyhoo.. let's see..
*saturday and sunday- the 28th and 29th* i worked super super hard.. going from gap in the morning, to basketball at night in the afternoon, both days. it made me super super tired, and i actually got really sick from being so worn out. and everone who just sees me for the few hours while i'm with them always wondering why i'm so sick.. and why don't i take better care of myself? hmm.. it's because.. well actually i don't know why. I need to learn how to say no.

*monday the 30th* drove up to pasadena and did rose float decorating. even with all the waste of time sitting around outside.. i actually had a decent time, and i really enjoyed myself. i really do like rose float decorating, and climbing on the scaffolding. hahahha. Tuesday I drove back to sd and worked for a few hours, and then went out with Val for new years eve!! after taking forever to try and decide what to do we went out to dinner at TGI Friday's ... hahah.. and of course my "favorite" waiter was there. we went back to val's and later went off to mission beach in search of a party that ended before we even got there, so we headed up the street to some random party, and walked on the beach.. and we saw a shooting star!! yay.. happy new year to me :) went back to val's and watched centerstage, and then the wedding planner the next morning while we ate our Friday's leftovers. yum. yup.. it was full of girly movies and good food.. not the new years i had expected.. but all the same.. *good times*

*wednesday the first* i just chilled out and slept, tried to get better from being sick, thursday i worked, friday i worked, saturday i worked. but it wasn't all work.. friday i hung out with Trish.. sushi and saw Two Weeks Notice. it was soo cute.. and funny. but i honestly need to stop watching movies like that.. cuz they make me sad. hahaha. saturday i was supposed to hang out with some work folks, but just ended up going to Friday's with Vivian and Peter... along with doing some other stuff .. it was tons of fun. Sunday i was supposed to clean and do grocery shopping and be productive. but i just kind of sat in my apt. and watched the real world/road rules marathon. angelee and ben came over for a bit to drop off my christmas present yay!.. but that was pretty much it. i suck. had a circle k board meeting. that's all the productivity i got out.

*monday* - work from 6am-9am, first day of school.. whoo hoo. riiiiiight. but i had no classes.. so i did cki tabling all day, it was super windy though, and it was irritating my eyes, not to mention all of our stuff was blowing around.. so we packed it up. i went home, took a nap and then came back for the meeting. some new people came which was fun.. i hope they come back. after the meeting i just chilled out with a friend, watched tv.. i'm hooked on all this real world/road rules challenge stuff. but dude.. i can't believe they kicked off julie!! melissa is such a jerk. so anyways..

today i'm a school trying to see if i'm going to be a theater minor or not.. but the office was closed from noon-1 so i decided to utilize the computers at my school.. heheh.. wish me a fun first day!

ps. can anyone cut hair?

so another holiday has come and gone, and sadly.. my christmas vacation is half over. boo. i need a break from life.. you would think three weeks would be enough to re-coup and get ready for classes, but not so much when you're working tons. *sigh* i know.. i do it to myself.. but i don't know. and i was so sure i was going to quit and devote more time to cki and school, but now i'm not so sure about it anymore. yeesh. why am i so wishy washy?

so anyways.. just have been working a whole lot... at the gap and at school. next week will be a busy week cuz i have basketball tournaments, doubleheaders, a swim meet and like 35 hours at the gap... it was 40 but i had to do a little rearranging to make it all work. funny funny.. andy works at the gap in mission valley.. and she called our store to do a stock check.. and it was weird because i thought it was her, but just dismissed it so i didn't sound like an ass, but it was her. everyone works at the gap now.. pity us.

i drove home christmas eve and spent the next few days at with my family, my cousin and her fiancee, and had dessert with sakura. we went to friday's, but i swear.. it's not the same as the one in la jolla.. i wonder why ;) just kidding. but seriously.. the chocolate rush was not nearly as good as i've had it before. weird huh? even sakura said so.. so it's not just me and my bias. tomorrow i have to drive back to sd to work at noon. i was going to drive back tonight.. but ended up not really doing it because.. i don't know.. so many reasons. today i returned some stuff... (yes pete.. i returned stuff the day after christmas). it wasn't that bad.. i really actually like the mall.. it's amusing to see all the rude customers and gloating in the fact that i'm not working. hahahah. jk. but it's nice to be in the hustle and bustle of it all. i watched antwone fisher with joan, karen and ben. we all cried towards the end. and today watched 8 mile at the $3 theater with joan. both the movies were okay.. sometimes slow at points... but aren't super horrible or anything. i swear.. eminem looks like justin timberlake.. there's a slight resemblance.. both me and joan thought so while watching the movie. but i do see val's point about him being fine. i kept laughing to myself because i could hear her voice in my head. but also because there were so many ghetto people in the theater... the galleria is crazy. kind of glad i didn't have to deal with it this year.

so that is my christmas.. i ran in to ali and him mom twice today.. he was following me. haha.. i got the new christina cd. and for christmas got some stuff and the harry potter books i wanted. yes.. i'm really actually going to read. i've only been in torrance for two days.. but still really haven't seen anyone besides the family except for sakura. i guess everyone just resigned to the fact that i was in sd and just forgot about me. sad. but i did get a christmas card from my history teacher in high school, which included a picture of her sons. i'm glad she still thinks about me.. that was exciting.. i need to send out my christmas cards. hehe.. even if they are late. oops. oki dokes.. time for bed.. i have to pack and leave in the morning. hope christmas was well kiddies.

merry christmas peoples!!

whoa.. i don't really know what to say.. but i feel like i have to blog, just because i haven't in awhile. or maybe i just don't know what i'm saying because i'm not all here right now. hmm.. i've just been working tons this week... at the gap and at school for ICA. it's been a good time, but i'm just wicked busy. i went shopping with jill last weekend. worked all week. went home for my mom's bday.. it was a good time.. our whole family hung out and laughed.. not really any fighting.. which is awesome. :) i also got to play with sakura for a little bit in Torrance.. yay!!! and then i came back to work swimming today and then went to jason's vip party at margarita rocks. it was cool.. just sitting and chatting and drinking, a little bit of dancing but not enough. sucky. oh well. maybe next time? hmm.. gotta get up for work early tomorrow.. boo. today's jackie's bday.. and i didn't get to go out with her. she called the house after i had left, which is too bad. sucks for that too. i really did want to go out to dinner with her. and celebrate her bday with her and all that good stuff. this week i'm sure i have to work lots, haven't gotten my schedule but i think it's 40 hours. get to go home for christmas and the day after.. good times. and then who knows. my life is pretty boring.. no big hoopla.. just me and my computer.

but i still do think that i'm doomed to be the purseholder for life. boo.

so i'm done with school.. it's pretty exciting.. but then also boring at the same time. now i feel as if my life has no purpose. wow.. what a loser huh? i'm in a way blah mood right right now.. i'm pretty restless, and don't want to go to sleep, but don't really want to do anything else.. and it's 4am. geez. there are a million things going through my head, and i'm just trying to think about them all, but it seems like they don't have an answer. although jackie always says you always have a choice, sometimes i feel like you just don't. but then i guess it's my choice to do nothing at all right.. another one of those questions i can't really answer. maybe these three weeks of working and not trying to be too busy will be good, but in that boring depressing i have no life or friends kind of way. we'll see.

in other news:
* i'm done done with finals, and i think it did alright.. we'll see how those grades turn out though because i was not doing so hot during the quarter due to the general lack of busy-ness. my sound project turned out excellently, and if any of you ever want to listen to my project that i slaved over and poured my heart into... feel free to ask. it's about 9/11 and it's called "a day in the life".. but it's not cheesy.. but actually really good.. suprisingly.. cuz i did it right?

*i ate 50% off sushi (yum), hung out a bit with justin, and then baked cookies with kimmy and then watched dawson's ... i want an eddie. audrey is a ho.

*played in the gap with sakura and kathy and then went out to "done with finals" dinner with jill and jason. then went to pete's show and after-show hang out dealio. i got to use Aran's camera to help him tape the show and became an "honorary Crispy".. i have to come up with a coolio name. and no matter what they say i think pete and isaac sounded real good, and pete played this cover of this john mayer song that i really adore, so i was real happy during that song. it was chill.. except i got WAY lost on the way to the show due to bad directions from the coffee bean & tea leaf website. for some reason i'm retarded and ended up in a gated community on top of a large hill when i was supposed to be at a coffee shop in mira mesa. apparently "didn't all the signs that say poway give you a hint" wasn't something i considered, since i thought maybe you could go through poway to get to mira mesa. thus proving i know nothing about where anything is in san diego.. even after 4 years. i am LAME.

*i get to work women's basketball this weekend, which is fun, i like basketball.. i like my athletics job. i'm excited for tuesday for the men's game to see michael and cameron play. i miss living on campus two doors down from them. and i'm working 36.5 hours next week on top of the three athletic events and driving home to see my mom for her birthday. yay home. but it sounds like i will be a busy girl.

*one last thing.. for some reason, some how.. i don't feel like it's christmas. i listen to the christmas music at work, see the red bags and boxes that gap especially made for the holidays, and watch people buy gifts all day long, but yet i still feel as christmas is so far away. i feel like i lost that christmas spirit or something.. i don't know. i'm still buying presents for people when i see fit, and see something they like.. but i'm not all excited because christmas is 12 days away... it doesn't even seem like it's december. weird huh? is it just me?

i am breathing one huge sigh of relief tonight. i'm not officially done with finals, but i am done with a huge portion of it. and it feels great. i've been at scholl until 4, 5, 6am for the past three days, and i'm finally done with that project. *whew* and i had my 10 page paper due, and was kind of freaking out this morning cuz i fell asleep and woke up late and had like 8 hours do my paper.. but i got it done rather easily.. so that was exciting. it was a little late, but i still got to turn it in.. so it's all good. i had that great feeling and blasted my justin timberlake album at full volume in my apartment (i'm sure the neighbors loved that)... until i got a call from maurene saying our sound project wasn't done. ugh.. that just sucked. so i went back to school to work on dithering the master fader and adding auxilary tracks. yeah.. what the hell does that mean anyways? but it's done and i don't give a shit anymore... hahaha this is one of our funny conversations between maurene and i at 4am in the lab.

maurene: so we have to name our project
jean: oh shit... well what should we name it?
*we think of many cheesy titles... 10 minutes later*
jean: how about "the best project in the class" so that when giovanna announces it she can say "you're listening to 'the best project in the class'"
maurene: haha.. how about "give me an A+ bitch"
jean: or "my project is better than yours"
maurene: no no no, it should be "you're listening to 'beat this assholes!'"

i love that girl maurene, so is so funny and great. i'm really glad that i got to work with her, she motivated me to do better, or for sure my project would not have turned out as well as it did. :) cuz she's not a slacker.. unlike me. haahaha. hmm.. so i'm DONE with the sound project, i'm DONE with my ten page paper. all that's left is my 2 page self evaluation, and to contribute to editing the documentary.. but those are fun and low key assignments. i might go see Bowling for Columbine, as that last ditch extra credit effort. and i have to go to a final screening tonight and tomorrow night.. but hey.. i sit around for three hours and listen to our gay ass projects.. i'm sooooo relieved because the hard stuff is over. yay. one more quarter survived. :)

in other notes.. we went to friday's for a celebratory dessert/snack thing (yeah at 1am.. great). hahaha.. there's a new friday's waiter interest developing (not me).. but it's ironic nonetheless. yikes... we're in trouble. oh yeah.. there's a duplex in la jolla that is empty that is across the driveway from our friends. it seems interesting.. i really do miss living in la jolla, i'd almost pack and move for it. that's kind of exciting, and my dad always keeps telling me to live closer to school, and in a nicer area. :) but i don't know if it's really plausible, or a reality.. but hey.. it's worth looking into right? and i could live next to the hot trader joe's guy. hahahahha. i'm retarded.

so it's 5:25am on Monday, and i'm blogging from school... why? because i'm still here after three hellish nights of editing in the sound lab.. and i'm still not done. finals are ass raping me.. and i still have a paper to write (which i haven't even interviewed any of my subjects yet) and some documentary i'm supposed to help, except they don't want any.. so my participation evaluation will look something like "i didn't do anything.. i suck." yeah.. basically.. i hate finals.

well it's the end of 10th week, which means the end of my fall classes... ever!! wow.. my last fall quarter.. kind of scary. i don't really know what i'll be doing in a year.. hopefully something good, somewhere good, with someone good.. haha jk. but yeah.. and it just seems so blah.. like i feel like there should be more excitement or fanfare.. but there's not... and it's just me.. sitting alone in my apt... watching tv while the apartment below me has a party.

wednesday had class and then a 4 hour circle k meeting.. joy, oh joy. thursday i worked and then went to the computer lab to work on my sound project. it was kind of cool to edit the sounds on the computer.. i felt all pro, or like i was smart or something... and stayed until 11:30pm or so until i decided that i needed to go home to sleep so that i could get up for work.. today!! was at work for 9 hours.. and was completely pooped. dude.. never go grocery shopping when you're tired because all i bought were easy foods... i bought all frozen dinners.. those Ralphs people must think i'm so lazy. dah.. who cares.

i should really be studying for finals or writing my paper or something... my documentary class.. i'm a little worried... because part of my grade is participation in the projects.. but these two people i'm helping don't want help.. so what am i supposed to do? and then when i write my self evaluation.. haha.. what do i say? oh well.. i'm sure the teacher understands.. or at least i hope she will. i've given up on trying to get good grades. hahah.. is that bad? i came home so pooped that i put my ice cream in the fridge (yeah.. the fridge) and then just watched tv all night. i *heart* harry potter... i swear i've watched that movie like 4 times this week.. it's the best. :) nicole and i want to go to hogwarts, and i want to be on the quidditch team.. i think that would rock. so.. i also watched sex in the city and then an hour of elimidate (among many other things). but the reason i mention elimidate is because.. i don't know... it's something i've been thinking about a lot lately.. and i was watching these shows.. and i also hope that the guy will do the right thing and pick the good girl, and not just go for the ho. but time and time again it never fails, whichever girl throws herself at him.. he'll pick. which.. i dunno.. by now shouldn't suprise me, but still does. like is that what you really have to do to get someone to like you? make out with them, and then other girls on his command? and then stick your hand down his pants, and then jump in his bed? it just doesn't seem like the way to go, or maybe i shouldn't watch elimidate for tips on dating.. but isn't that how the real world works? but it just seems like that's what the standard is for today... put out or get out.. haha.. and then if someone doesn't conform.. doesn't that mean they'll just be left behind? doomed to be purseholders for life?

this blog is for nicole.. because she bugged me all night to blog because it "amuses" her (yay.. i'm glad my sorry pathetic life amuses someone) and i've finally gotten around to it.. after she went to bed. hhaha.. but anyways..

i'm back at school and stressin' over the hell that will be my life over the next two weeks with finals. yuk.

hmm.. thanksgiving was good.. as much as i tried to be productive.. i was still a bum. it's the first real break i've had in a long long time. i left all my cki stuff in san diego, brought some school work, brought my pictures and photo albums to organize and my seventeen magazine with justin on the cover.. and i was good to go. oh.. and my laundry.. don't forget the laundry :) saturday, before i left, my parents and i went to go see die another day. i didn't like it so much, and i thought that maybe i just wasn't a huge bond freak... and just to uncool to appreciate it.. but i heard a lot of other people didn't like it so much either. there were too many gratuitous love scenes that seemed to be put in because sex sells, or maybe i just felt uncomfortable watching it with my parents. but i also don't really like halle berry too much either.. so i don't know.. but i remember really liking tomorrow never dies, and i wasn't so impressed with this one. hmm.. we ate lunch and i took a quick nap. i was going to get my hair cut, but in the end decided that i didn't have enough time, and i didn't want a rushed job to be done on my hair cut.. so.. we fore-goed the haircut. drove back to SD to get to Annie's LRC (living room concert). i got amazingly lost trying to take a "short-cut" haha.. but made it okay... it was awesome.. annie is the greatest.. and it was chill to hang out with cool people. that night i ate something funny and got super sick.. and then next morning i woke up to wicked stomach pains.. and as i contemplated going to work and trying to get ready, i realized that i couldn't even really walk to the bathroom, so i didn't really think i could handle cleaning, sweeping and folding clothes for 4 hours, especially not for minimum wage. was bed ridden all day, kept myself from puking and just laid around trying to feel better. sleep really does wonders though, because i slept all day, got up showered, went back to bed, and then hung out with philly for bit (more like she hung out with me and my tv and oliver hudson while i tried not to puke) and then went back to bed. today i still felt a little sick but a hundred times better than yesterday. whoo hoo.

so yay for not being sick. boo for the dmv because i can't get my $12 back because the already processed my new license.. damn them. anyone want to buy a real fake id? just kidding. hmm. today i rested.. and then went to class. and then circle k. we had a good amount of people show up. i think it was the free food :) which i couldn't really eat a lot of because my stomach was still being a little queasy.. damn it. :P hailes even cooked and made taquitos!! i wanted to eat like 20 of them.. but couldn't get past the two on my plate.. they were goooood though.. you should invite him to all of your potluck parties. :) i have a million things to do .. but i don't really know where to start.. all my roommates are gone, so i'm all alone in my apartment.. i hope the locks on my doors are good. i feel like i should be doing some school work or circle k work.. but i just want to sleep all day. yes.. sleep is good.. sleep is nice.. la di da di da.