so i think i might die... and i also think i am probably being over-dramatic
.. but just in case i'm posting this anyways. long story short i got punched in the head. i'm a little afraid that i might have a concussion - and for the most part i might be fine... but i'm afraid that i might be a little stupider .. or i might lose some skill set .. or my vision might get worse than it already is (i got punched on the left side right by my eye) or that i might go to sleep and not wake up. scary.

anyways.. in case that happens - i just wanted to write one last post. tell my friends and family i love them. tell beth that she can have my jason mraz cd's, nicole and ann can share my *nsync stuff, and i'd split up the rest of my stuff but i have way too much crap, and i don't care that much (a symptom of the concussion or probably just my apathy). i'm sure my friends can figure out who gets what.. or they'll just dump it all. maybe donate it. that would be good.

ok.. i was probably gonna write more.. maybe some messages.. but the apathy/concussion is taking over again and plus i don't like to talk about feelings/be too mushy anyways.

how creepy is this blog if i actually don't wake up tomorrow?

but now since i said it it's not going to come true.

wow.. i'm retarded.

happy birthday to my big sister joan! yay!!!

i don't know what my problem is, but i swear i cannot go to bed early anymore. and i can't wake up on time. it's a pressure thing. there's a lot less pressure, so i slack, and maybe i'm getting a little bored, which can equal careless. blech.

anyways.. this is what i came to do.


i am officially obsessed. and today.. i just figured out why. the first time i had pinkberry.. i thought it was a little weird.. very yogurty tasting. sort of like those asian yogurt drinks... which i like.. but is not the same as ice cream. a couple weeks later i thought - hey.. i feel like yogurty.. and had some since there's one near my work. right after i finished.. i wanted more. badly. i think i suggest we go there everyday... not that i can always get there - but i talk about it a little bit and think about it even more. hahaha. today.. i had it for lunch .. well lunch pre-snack because my stomach was being a little wiggy and i couldn't handle real food at the designated lunch hour (i had real lunch at 3:30). anyways... today while i was eating my pinkberry and perusing shoes, it hit me. pinkberry now reminds me of ice monster. maybe the condensed milk taste is similar to yogurt. or it's all the fruit.. but i am in love!!

so i'm freaking out a little (as usual).. i wormed my way into my friend's short film. i thought i would just be a glorified PA or something.. and then through being in the right place/right time - and the fact that i'm awesome i got handed AD responsibilities - sort of.. just fill in stuff, and now i'm going to cut the piece. crazy! i'm freaking out a little because these are industry people with high tech gadgets and expectations and while i'm good, i'm not technical, and that's part of being fantastic. some guy's career is riding on this, and i'm... yikes. anyways.. i guess i better bone up. lots of internet research. lets see those $2000 i paid for my classes pay off. hahaha. it's good timing though. i'm just coming off pirates/insane crazy work hours, so while i'll still be working 45-50 hrs/week it won't be 70. i'll be able to use those extra hours for this. so still staying busy.. but different busy. not that staying up unitl 3am is helping me (damn you DST.. it'd still be 2am if it wasn't for you..)

new jobby starts tomorrow. a little freaked, but not that worried, because my old boss is awesome. maybe i'm beginning to border on the edge of over confident - which is bad. so i gotta reel it in. i'm training my replacement in the morning and then being trained in the afternoon. hope it goes well. i'm going back to using an apple at work - so i hope all my windows skills don't go down the toilet since that's all i have at home - but i still have my work laptop. i know it seems trivial - but i often find myself pushing the wrong buttons when searching for the control/command key. haha.

ummm.. why am i up at 3am? i dunno. but i'm being a little mean and enjoying it. i think lately i have been a little void of feelings.. maybe no time to feel - maybe if i don't feel i can't get hurt? or i'm just taking the passive agressive route. (most likely). i feel like sometimes i'm no fun anymore.. unless i'm super comfortable with you and i really like you - you don't get the real me. you get half enthused me. i don't know what to say, don't get excited about stuff, can express emotions. it's really strange. sometimes i feel like a shell of myself around certain people. i can't really explain it, or maybe i just don't care to, but i'm a lot worse at trying to fake emotions than i used to - and i wasn't even good at it before. maybe with more sleep i'll return to not zombie. (tonight is not a good starting point though.) haha.

okay. bed. bye.

apparently i give into pressure way too easily. and i think i make really hasty decisions. they usually end up okay... but i'm a big "what if" girl... which sucks. because what ifs are useless.

for the past 6 or 7 weeks i have been busting my ass to learn new stuff, hit the ground running and learn a new arena of job. it's been stressful, exhausting, and super busy, and i'm never home anymore and sometimes i want to cry or maim people. i felt like .. in the end i wouldn't do it again.. and that was my decision. there had been talks of opportunities of the afterwards, and you always think what your next step is gonna be... so in a sense - that's what got me through it. yesterday.. i got presented with the opportunity i wanted... the next step. but the next step is a lot earlier than i intended... and that means bailing on this project and leaving it behind. for 2 years all i ever wanted was to be on a show, be in production, and i did my stint, and now i'm leaving - but now i'm kind of amiss. i had less than 24 hours to make a decision, and while overall i made the right one, i wonder if i could have made a better choice, because you usually always can. i'm a little bummed that i won't be wrapping the show... so that i could say "i did that" or be able to fully celebrate the comradery and share in the torture/experience of enduring the completion of the task. i get my "life" back and my hours won't be as long and it won't be as agonizing.. but i also committed myself to a lengthy span of time.. and then when i'm a little older will i want to subject myself the pain of production again? maybe not. i know it's stupid of me to think "what if" and i can't really change it. things are in motion to make all the changes - so it seems silly of me to waffle now. it's not that i don't want to take the next step, but it would have been nice to be able to finish this step first. i know on a saturday or sunday when i don't have to go in.. i'll be a little thankful, or i might even say "aww.. i miss it"... but if i had stayed, on those saturdays and sundays i would have been cursing myself. i get three saturdays back, probably a few sundays, all of my weeknights, 3 less WSR's to worry about, 9 less client reviews to stress over... which all sound great to me, but looking back i realize more that it'd probably be pretty great to cross the finish line...

(funny enough - this is right above the post where i say how much i hate my job.. hahahah)

i need to leave work so badly it's not even funny. i can not stand being here anymore!! i'm sooooo exhausted and i amd just staring at the multimillions of emails that i have and need to sort through in order to find the 3 that i need in order to do my job. i got this new ergonomic chair that is supposedly $800.. i don't really like it.. it kind of makes.. welll.. everything hurt. maybe i'm so used to sitting the "wrong" way that when i sit the "right" way it's not good. who knows. i've been staring at my computer for 12 hours a day 5-6 days a week and i think i'm going blind or cross eyed. i can't even think about all the stuff i have to do because i think my brain is starting to melt. i had all these plans this week of stuff that i was going to do, and now i don't want to do any of them because just lying in my bed sounds really good. just lying there. doing nothing. maybe sleeping. who knows. i think it's a slump... maybe it comes around this time of year.. or i have a time frame before things really kick in. i think last week and the week before i didn't have time to think about things, and now that i have an eensy bit of time, or i've allowed myself the time to think, it makes me not want to do anything else. sounds awful i know.. and maybe someone will read this and get me fired... but they know it's not true. it's just a small rant to relieve the stress that we all need. i will finish my job, i will kick ass, and maybe i'll be masochistic enough to do it again. maybe, maybe not. but i really need a good "break" or a good "something" (i say something because the usual things that use to get me through have become somewhat additional stress.. so i don't know what is the cure anymore) to re-energize me because i'm starting to feel it... feeling the burn.. and it's not fun.

wow blog.. it's been a long time. lo siento. it's a combination of myspace and having no time period. i've moved into a new position where i've been averaging 70 hours a week over 6 days. yea.. that's right.. 6 days.. i get to work saturdays now. awesome. i don't have to work every saturday just yet - but it might come soon. we'll see. it's busy, it's different and it's what i wanted, or what i thought i wanted. the verdict is still out though. the thought of possibility keeps me in it. that and my contract. hahha.

i shouldn't stay up too long. i'm pretty exhausted from working and uhh.. not sleeping. not my fault though. i woke up at 3am and kept going in and out of sleep until 7am or so. it was annoying. today i was a zombie, but i was actually pretty productive. probably because i was too tired to goof off.

things are okay. here and there... luckily i don't have a lot of time to spend dwelling on it, although sometimes i do, which is lame. i was reading some old posts and you realize how much changes over time.. so while things seem retarded now - a year from now i'll look back and realize how silly it all is... at least i hope that's the case right?

my laptop hard drive died - so i lost almost all my pictures. i shared some with my roommate and my sister - so hopefully i can recover those. i bought a new fancy harddrive - the one i really wanted - so maybe it'll kick start me into editing again as well as hoping that i am better about backup my info.

oh.. and i started actually watching my 90210 dvd's... i never realized how bad that show actually is.. but that's a whole other blog. dylan mckay is still pretty dreamy though. ahahah.

guess that's it for my right now.. although i would like to say my nephew is the cutest ever...


and congratulations to carlene & sonny, as well as sakura & jimmy. they're gonna get hitched!! crazy! but in the awesome good way. i can't believe i'm approaching the age where you start going to tons of weddings cuz everyone's getting married. yikes.. does that mean i'm old? hhahah. grown up? maybe just my friends, not me though.. i'm not getting married anytime soon. hahha.

well.. one last thing before i go to bed. okay two. i probably will be blogging more.. i think i might be getting a little tired of the myspace blogging world. shocker i know. we'll see. depends on what i want to write about. myspace was always for stupid silly things.. and i just hadn't felt like writing about anything real for awhile.. not that this is "real." hahha.. and two: this is a little exaggerated, but i like it.

Know all about
About your reputation
And how it's bound to be a heartbreak situation
But I can't help it if I'm helpless
every time that i'm where you are
You walk in and my strength walks out the door
Say my name and I can't fight it anymore
Oh I know, I should go
But I need your touch just too damn much
Loving you isn't really something I should do
Shouldn't wanna spend my time with you, yeah
Well I should try to be strong
But baby you're the right kind of wrong
Yeah baby you're the right kind of wrong
it Might be a mistake
A mistake I'm making
But what you're giving I am happy to be taking
Cause no one's ever made me feel
The way I feel when i'm in your arms
They say you're something I should do without
They don't know what goes on
When the lights go out
There's no way to explain
All the pleasure is worth all the pain
Loving you isn't really something I should do yeahey.
Shouldn't wanna spend my time with you
Well I should try to be strong
But baby you're the right kind of wrong
Yeah baby you're the right kind of wrong
I should try to run
But I just can't seem to
Cause every time I run you're the one I run to
Can't do without, what you do to me
I don't care if I'm in too deep
Know all about
About your reputation
And how its' bound to be a heartbreak situation
But I can't help it if I'm helpless
Every time that I'm where you are
You walk in and my strength walks out the door
Say my name and I can't fight it anymore
Oh I know I should go
But I need your touch just too damn much
Loving you isn't really something I should do, not something i shouldn't do
Shouldn't wanna spend my time with you
Well I should try to be strong, i should try to be strong
But baby you're the right kind of wrong, right kind of wrong
Yeah baby you're the right kind of wrong,
baby you're the right kind of wrong,
yeah baby you're the right kind of wrong.

courtesy of joan.. love it.

hello blog!!

sorry i sort of semi-abandoned you. it's a combination of myspace and life in general. things are sort of hectic and sometimes i don't have the time to blog the "real things" just the stupid little silly blogs - and that's what i do on myspace. sorry. maybe i'll do a picture blog to recap.. cuz those are always fun.

i intended this blog to be a little longer but i'm getting tired and hungry - so we'll make it short.

remember back in april when i sad cuz i didn't get to go to the laker game. well look at me now.. i get to go tonight!! whoo hoo.. granted it's not really a "great" game and they're playing memphis grizzlies... but who am i to care really. and this time it's row 6 bitches!! center court :) yay.

work is a little hectic because there's a lot of changes, and i'm thinking i might make a big one soon too.. but we shall see..... (ch-ch-ch-changes.. ) :P

i'm going to taiwan for my birthday/thanksgiving to hang out with the sis. i kind of spawned this family trip (which is funny cuz now we never take them anywhere except to taiwan.) my mom was already there and was gonna come back but is extending it, and my dad left on friday. it'll be fun and we'll do thanksgiving in taiwan the right way :) and i get to hang out with jake who is walking already. holy cow.

cutest baby ever!!! (yes i know this picture is stolen)

other than that.. not much else. or not much else that i want to spread out on the internet :P just spending time at work (i only have 1 job now.. amazing), and roommates and friends. i'm gonna be 25 soon.. mid-twenties.. yikes :P

and i think i'm gonna nap now.

ttfn. see ya real soon. (mixing disney phrases.. i know).

so to sort of quasi make up for me being a "bad friend" and not donating yet (i did today!) to support linh's JDRF walk for diabetes i think that posting a link here will be good.. even if just one person donates... that would be awesome.

so donate! it's for a good cause!!

click here to support linh in the diabetes walk!

You sit there in your heartache
Waitin' on some beautiful boy to
To save you from your old ways
You play forgiveness
Watch it, now here he comes
He doesn't look a thing like Jesus
But he talks like a gentleman
Like you imagined
When you were young

Can we climb this mountain?
I don't know
Higher now than ever before
I know we can make it if we take it slow
That's takin' easy
Easy now, watch it go

We burnin' down the highway skyline
On the back of a hurricane
That started turnin'
When you were young

When you were young

And sometimes you close your eyes
And see the place where you used to live
When you were young

They say the devil's water it ain't so sweet
You don't have to drink right now
But you can dip your feet
Every once in a little while

You sit there in your heartache
Waitin' on some beautiful boy to
To save you from your old ways
You play for goodness
Watch it, now here he comes
He doesn't look a thing like Jesus
But he talks like a gentleman
Like you imagined
When you were young

(Talks like a gentleman
Like you imagined)
When you were young

I said he doesn't look a thing like Jesus
He doesn't look a thing like Jesus
But more than you ever know

i know that this is probably all kind of wrong - but it makes me laugh so hard.. i don't know why. because i'm silly.. that's why.

"dontcha wish your boyfriend was hot like me?"

long time no blog.

i've been a little lazy.. sorry man.

so i've got a story for you. or a question.. how come people speak to me like i understand spanish. how do you know that i took spanish for five years? how do you know i can understand small conversational phases? it used to happen to me all the time at the gap. maybe people just speak to anyone in spanish and think that they understand because they just assume so many people do. like in nip/tuck where the wife is like "we live in miami, english is the foreign language"... not that bad.. but yah know. last night i went to the corner bakery in westwood during a break in class and i got a sandwich and the guy taking my order asked me "to go?" and i said "yes" and he goes "para llevar" which is the same in spanish... and i said yes. so i guess that's the clue that i understand.. but really? why even start? he says a few other phrases... oookay.. thanks buddy. i just answer him in spanish... because my comprehension is much better than my spoken abilities.

then i go to diddy riese after class - and i order some cookies to take home for my roommates and co-workers... and he says "es especial"... which doesn't really make sense to me because he didn't give me any special deal.. but he started out in english and then brought in the spanish. what is it about me says "please speak spanish to me"... thanks.

that's my story.. i'm going to go back to watching grey's anatomy :) gotta finish season 2 before the new season.

ps... i'm so handy! i fixed up my tivo with our digital cable box.. whoo!! AND i fixed our las vegas nobu boat that beth broke.. hahaha.. i feel productive tonight. i'm not going to turtle racing tonight.. but it's okay.. i'm hanging out with dr. mcdreamy :) better than hanging out with the mcflirties... hahaha.

yeeeeessssssssssssssssssssssssssss!!!!!

http://www.dvdtimes.co.uk/content.php?contentid=62235

if anyone wants to know what to get me for my birthday. this would be it. although it comes out on november 7th and i might not be able to wait the whole 13 days until my birthday.. i might just have to be there the day of to buy it....

spaznik: http://people.aol.com/people/article/0,26334,1219142,00.html
spaznik: AAAAHHHHHHHHHH
spaznik: good thing I dumped him...
spaznik: cause then it would TOTALLY be awkward now...
spaznik: totally.

nicole totally made my day. especially when i called her and she was listening to "this i promise you"... promise me what lance? huh? huh?

hahahahhhaha...

EDIT:
so apparently this has been the talk of the day... not at my work because they're not cool enough to admit they care, but at beth's and nicole's. and of course among the internet.. even in taiwan - this is what my sister had to say (and i knew this is exactly what she was going to say)

from joan@iammean.com:
"now we just have to wait for JC! hahahahhahah j/k"

and then i got a text message from nicole:
"so everyoen is making fun of me because of the lance bass thing. apparently no one else had a lance bass puppet."

i've seen two myspace bulletins so far (and that's only among my friends)... it's so.. i dunno.. such big news? couldn't anyone kind of guess? it wasn't this big when clay aiken came out... was it more obvious? because he spent less time hiding it? there's a lot of people that are like "good for him" and "i'm happy for him".. but it just seems excessive to splash it out like that and have a giant cover with giant yellow words "I'M GAY!"... oh well.. whatever you wanna do yah know? good way to advertise and promo for your new show. haha.. that's usually a big part of it.

pop culture is great. i bet on the next 'beauty and the geek' show this will be one of the questions... "which member of famed boyband *NSYNC came out of the closet in the summer of 2006?" :P

gary hall jr. survives shark attack

<3

anyone want to go with me to the usa swimming national championships next month in irvine? boo that i missed the janet evans invitational at usc... that would have been mucho fun.

is there such a thing as a "work 15".. you know.. like freshman 15? i think there has to be. i do nothing but mostly sit on my butt all day - typing at my computer.. with the occasional walk across the street... but there is food everywhere... especially on fridays and especially as the weeks wind down.

today.. i thought i'd be good and bring my lunch because i've been out to lunch a few times this week and spending money on food is something i could probably do less of. especially since last night i had a huge craving for sushi so i ordered 3 rolls from california roll factory because i'm indecisive like that. i brought my leftovers for breakfast - ate few pieces of sushi and had some cereal even though it was free donut friday. i combined the sushi with my leftovers from a birthday lunch on wednesday and thought i had a pretty decent meal. i got invited out to gyu-kaku for lunch, but didn't go because i was feeling anti-social and then i got a notification about free food! whoo!! i had a turkey burger with all the fixings, pasta salad and regular salad. i skipped out on the baked beans and the pound cake/berry mix/create your own shortbread.. but helped myself to a cookie and added a little ice cream for sandwichness.

less than 2 hours later there was a goodbye party for someone who was leaving. so there was meat, cheese and veggie platters, chips and salsa/cheese/guacamole, fruit tart and chocolate cakes and champagne.

20 minutes after that i am told there is ice cream and m&m's in a different area of our work.

in 43 minutes there is another goodbye party for another girl's last day. no food i don't think.. just a few bottles alcohol (for those who haven't already started drinking at lunch. i hear at another goodbye lunch i missed out on 48 oz. margaritas.)

i think they might also be serving dinner for some of the shows in an hour and a half. and i still have those leftovers that i was supposed to eat for lunch. at this rate i could probably stretch it out to next week. no wonder i never go grocery shopping.

understand that i am only posting these for the 3 people who want to see them. granted i am plastering them out on the internet, but emailing them the pictures just seemed too weird. also - it has taken me this long to put up pictures because it has taken me that long to find a half decent picture where i a)looked okay or b)you could actually see the hair. this post is 100% in the vain category.. but only because it's really all about me and how i look. also understand that i am not too pleased. sometimes i can pretend my hair is okay.. and if i have a good day and get compliments at work, it sometimes makes me feel a little bit better. especially if its the cute guy at work. BUT.. it's been more than 2 weeks and i can't seem to find a decent picture of me and my new hair. so i thought hey.. i'll just take some tonight ... and it took a million and two takes just to get some ones that weren't atrocious. i could never be america's next top model. (shut up.)

anyways.. here goes. this makes me feel a little (or lot) worse about my hair. i still don't like it. and i know there will be the occasional comment (or not) about "oh it's cute!" but yea.. i am still not sold :(

*made them small on purpose so they'd look better from "further away"


this is the best out of the bunch, maybe i should wear my hair half up half down all the time.



i've got the half mushroom head (right side) and the half straight hair (left side) thing going on... lovely.



this is the "carefree" picture - although i am far from it.

so you might say "oh it's not that bad" - but there are tons more pictures that were bad than good. but even i am not stupid enough to post those up - even to prove a point.

ps. a lot of people say that my hair "suits me" - so if i have fugly hair.. what does that mean?

pps. totally not trying to fish for compliments here - because even if you say it i won't believe you, so don't think i'm a compliment fishing whore... but that doesn't mean you can post mean things either. then i'll cry.

i miss my hair a little bit.

i've gotten into a really bad habit of turning breath mints into meals. not doing it on purpose in the whole anorexia kind of way... but in an "i'm unprepared" kind of way. i used to carry around gum all the time. because i like to have good breath and i like to keep my mouth busy - but after i got in the car accident i had a bit of TMJ and i wasn't allowed to chew gum. boo. so i turned to breath mints and altoids. i discovered altoid mini's and most recently (thanks to linh and beth) icebreaker sours. breathmints, but like candy.

so lately.. i've been stuck places - work (hockey.. where you can't get up and go) or currently - class. i guess i could leave and go get some food.. but then i'd miss out on my class.. and for the rate i'm paying it's not really worth it. so i'm a little starving because i haven't eaten dinner yet... and all i have are altoid minis and icebreaker sours. the icebreaker sours are a little tastier than the plain ol altoids so i've been popping them like crazy... it curbs my hunger for a few minutes, and then time for more. but i'm still starving. when i was waiting for my mom at the hospital i was popping altoids like crazy at 2am... man i had some fresh breath.

anyhoo.. i should probably get back to paying attention in class. if i'm not leaving to go get food, not paying attention by blogging isn't any better.

okay okay.. i'll post/send some pictures soon... maybe... ahaha.. if i can take some half decent ones. but for now my camera is dead.. i think i left my charger in torrance so y'all are going to have to wait just a little bit.

people tell me i am overreacting. at work i've been getting compliments and i tell everyone "i'm still getting used it." funny thing.. i think my hair has already grown a little bit. it seems a little bit longer than saturday. and yes, the flat iron is my new best friend.

but back to the "compliments" i say so in quotes because it's such a drastic change, most people have to just say something. and mostly in work environments it's got to be say something nice or don't say anything at all. so when someone does something different with their hair.. you say the standard "oh!! nice hair cut!" (exclamation points optional.) one guy did tell me he liked it longer, because he prefers long hair. in fact, he told me not to cut it before i did it - but that's besides the point. anyways.. like when people feel the need to comment when something is different, and of course they're not going to say anything bad, sometimes i wonder which ones are real and which ones are just polite. like "oh... nice third arm!" you know? i know i'm being paranoid, but i also know i've told people that i like their hair when i really didn't.

vivian told me that with it down it makes me look "super asian"... all i need is the bowl bangs to complete the look. awesome.

joan.. it's very 2nd grade picture-esque. after i let you cut my hair and you cut it crooked so mommy had to cut it super short to fix it/even it out. hahahahha.. yup.. it's almost that short :P