The few days that I've been here in Taiwan, I think that I've learned that I can't live alone. I'm staying in a place with a friend of my sister's, and while he's really cool, I don't know him that well and he's not home a lot. So we don't have that rapport where I can call/text him and be like "What it do? Where you at? When you be home?" and know exactly what's going on, BUT I WANT TO. The necessary social person in me, is like "when is he coming home? I need another person to relate to" It's just one of those things where I am not all that comfortable by super silences and like to have shared experiences with a person. I was home by myself for a few hours and got a tad bit freaked out and maybe it's a mental thing. Knowing that I'm truly "alone" makes me anxious for someone else, as where when I'm "alone" at home where I know it's fleeting, I embrace the few hours that I have. And this test isn't totally without faults. I don't have my own job (or lack thereof!), friends, tv with dvr/video games/movies to occupy me so that my time by myself isn't away from those people, but rather just time all by my lonesome, not knowing when it's going to end (until my sister calls me the next day.) And then I start to wonder how I would survive in a different city/state where I truly don't know anyone, and it's not like a "oh I'll be home in a month where my 'real' friends are, so it's okay" kind of situation. I'd probably make friends like I'm hopefully going to inevitably do now. (hopefully people at a new job would be friends with me right?) I'd hopefully get my bearings straight and know how to make my way home coming back from the MRT station and not walk down the block until I realize that I'm going the wrong way. And the language barrier wouldn't be such an issue, thus making me feel a little less alone. But here, I hope for the most part that my accent and Chinese gets a little better from being around the native speakers and having it be a little less retarded foreign. haha. My sister is already laughing at me when I'm "practicing" what to say to the taxi drivers in order to get to destinations safely. It's okay.. I probably deserve it. If my mom keeps making fun of me because I can't differentiate four and ten (in Chinese), and I've never fixed it, I might deserve all the accentuation making fun of I've gotten by now. It's my Achilles heel.

Today was my nephew's first birthday party with all his friends! (followed by family dinner on his actual first birthday, Tuesday.) It was a pretty good time with stories, music, singing and stories, with a Chinese ritual thrown in and Mumuhug decorations, characters and cake! ooh! This is probably the "main" reason I came back, to celebrate his bday, but also to just hang with the fam. But I'm glad I could be here for this... it was fun. Then I went shopping with my cousin, ate some oyster noodle soup, ate some italian, and then played with the nephews some. Along with being addicted to the Flight Controller app/game on my sister's iphone. It's kind of terrible. The competition side of me wants so badly to be good enough to even come near her high score! I'm only about 50%.

~~~~~~~~

I wrote this a few days ago, but couldn't post it because my internet connection dropped out. I went home last night and it was really nice being by myself because I knew the "roomie" wouldn't be home for awhile. I was super exhausted (delayed on set jet lag) and it was nice to just chill, play flight control and chillax until it was time for bed and not need to talk to anyone. So I guess I'm back at square one on the "do I like being alone" thing.

My new high score on FC is 102... that's 3 off of my sister's score... that's gonna require some more practice.

Dinner for B's actual birthday tonight! And I'm hoping for some tomfoolery going on this week.

Taiwan: Day 1. I look kind of narcissistic and vain posting these, well.. if you don't know me. But for those of you that have seen me recently, I cut my hair. I wouldn't say chopped because it's not super short, but my hair was getting pretty long and the biggest real difference is that I have straight across bangs. I've been toying with the idea of these for awhile, but I didn't want to look like a china doll, or like I was in the 2nd grade again. But my sister's stylist is pretty awesome and cut my hair pretty well, even though I was a little frightened by the length as first. But I'm pretty okay with it. Hopefully when I wash and style myself I'll still be okay with the results.

Today was my first full day, and just spent the day with the sis and the fam doing various things, eating at some just okay places and another really yummy place, trying to get acclimated with streets and directions so I can attempt to get to and fro all by my lonesome (I know.... stop laughing... wish me luck!) and getting the hair wash and cut. I really enjoy getting my hair washed in Taiwan, it just always so much more comforting for some reason. I feel like since it's my first Saturday night, I should be out or something, but I'll save up for another weekend or so. I don't need to show up hungover to another birthday party.. :P Speaking of... Tomorrow is B's big one year bday party! Hopefully the mounds of screaming kids doesn't drive me too insane, but I think it'll be fun. I'm excited!

do you think this is enough clothing for taiwan? okay.. actually i jest. and in this picture, it doesn't even look that bad. there are many layers of clothing that you cannot see in this picture. i basically went through my whole closet and pulled out anything i may want to wear. so really, i should just chuck everything that's left in the closet... but not really. i mean.. some clothes just aren't "right" for taiwan, or the weather right now. so it's not fair to say that i should totally chuck everything. but my closet does need a good deep cleaning. maybe that will happen when i get back. it'd be a good time to go through and purge i think.

either or, i'm going to go visit my sister for a bit and i'm pretty dang excited to do so. this is the first trip i've taken to taiwan without a parental figure being there, so not that i think it'll be that much different, but it kind of is... a little. my mom is probably freaking out a little bit about it, saying i should call up all the cousins and have them hang out with me. "what mom? you don't want me just walking down to the local bar and meeting some new folks?" haha.. not that i would.. but it's just so funny how my mom comes up with these suggestions... like how i should call up relatives that i never ever talk to and say "hey! i'm here! let's hang!" she doesn't get how it's awkward i guess. like i tried to tell my boy cousin who's living in our house now that we should go out for his birthday, get dessert or something. at first he said yes, went downstairs and got a cup of milk and then a few minutes later said he had to study. maybe i bombarded him with too many questions like "what is your favorite dessert?" or "do you like cake or ice cream better" - but he just did not want to hang out with me or be taken out for his birthday. i mean, sometimes i feel bad because he's here without any "real" family, and that's probably tough... but if he wasn't so effing difficult, maybe it wouldn't be so hard. and he's not completely retarded, he has friends, and maybe even a girlfriend... so i don't get it! oh well.

i'm excited to hang with my sis and the nephews. i'm excited to try all the "new" places to eat, maybe i'll get to try taiwan's version of mexican food this time. i'm excited to experience a little bit of "normal life in taiwan" not just the truncated 2 week version whirlwind of it. i'm excited to see my relatives. i'm excited for the night markets! i'm excited to eat food off a cart where i don't have to wait 3hrs for a freaking taco, or run down the street while the besthotdogintheworld lady is running down the street. way back in 2005 i wrote down "things i want to do in Taiwan" and i think i've actually done all those things... except for that last thing which i still can't remember. and i did a fairly decent job of blogging - so many i can this time.

life is pretty much status quo though... here are the things i'll be sad to miss out on while i'm gone: keane concert, being darrell's +1 to a wedding, wii mario kart races with luke skywalker's son, ikea runs with andrea to outfit her new apartment, disneynature's earth, grilled cheese invitational, a few birthdays, the dry heat (i am so not looking forward to all the humidity!), and really all the fun and havoc caused on a regular basis. but i am excited to just... chill. and BUY LOTS OF CUTE STUFF. (whoa... excited.)

i should probably get to bed now.. for at least a little powernap before some last day errands. here is are a few last stories that i was going to blog about but never did, so short short updates:

*tuesday was free cone day @ ben and jerry's and i tried one sweet whirled. you MUST try it, it's like heaven in your mouth.

*i basically WRECKED my feet walking in heels in hollywood. after leaving a bar on sunset, we walked all the way up to hollywood blvd to get bacon wrapped hot dogs and then back down past sunset to get back to the house. i really really really could not walk, but in better judgment than the debacle where i took off my shoes on the wooden santa monica pier (who does that?!), i was convincingly not allowed to take my shoes off on the icky hollywood streets, which was probably a good idea since i had OPEN WOUNDS on the bottom of them. this i didn't discover until the next morning. i had trouble walking all day, it was a pitiful sight. i've made a surprisingly quick recovery, i guess feet skin grows pretty fast. i thought i'd be hobbling around taiwan for at least the first few days.

*attempted to have lunch with nicole & ashley @ open sesame grill in manhattan beach. that place is FANTASTIC. highly recommend it. but we didn't get to eat it that day because right after we put the order in, the power blew out. we didn't notice it, because we were sitting outside on another very lovely 90 degree day, but soon we hear massive sirens and lots of backed up traffic and heard that the whole plaza was out, and then some. my first thought was to loot the ice cream store, but we filled up on pita and hummus and got our drinks comped and promised to come back. (side note: ashley brought me open sesame for dinner tonight and it was so freaking good, i'm glad to have had the fix before i left) seriously... go now.

*oh! and go see EARTH in theatres btwn apr 22-28 and Disney will plant a tree for every ticket sold! buy a ticket for me too :)

since i've been back, there isn't a whole lot that has happened. i mean, there has, but nothing monumental. i've been job hunting a little, and i got this fortune (which i was going to post a picture, but now can't find... is that a bad sign?) that basically said that i should take some time for myself. i know that fortune cookies are kind of a crock, but part of me sort of believes in them. i was dining with ashley, and she got the fortune that was very fit for her. and sure it was a 50/50 chance that we would end up with those, but still...

so i've been applying to a few jobs a week, as of course required by my funemployment funds. and i don't mind THAT much, because i'd like to not totally become a huge sloth. i do need to be a little more productive, and that might take some of the guilt off of me being home all the time, so that's something i need to work on as well. but i'll come across some jobs that i don't "reaaaallly" want, but might be interesting to check out. do i apply to those too? for fun? although i think if i turn down a job, my funemployment might be "questioned" - and the fact that i have a really hard time saying no. and then there's the question of "what do i want to do?"... which is.. well.... I DON'T KNOW. that's probably my fundamental problem. so in the search for the elusive "what i want to do" there's a ton of "oh.. maybe that wouldn't be so bad", but then that's just a distraction! i need blinders? or do i just do that for now because the economy is bad and i should have a job. and maybe i'm not meant to stay in the entertainment industry, cuz, you know... there's a lot of other stuff out there. and do i want to move away from LA? that might be fun, living in new york would be awesome. but if i could get a job in norcal, should i do that instead? i know that settling shouldn't really be on the agenda, but i also know (or at least think) that i should be realistic and know that i'm not going to get everything that i want all at once.

so.. in conclusion.. i still don't know. i'm not sure that i will for awhile. and stuff that "seems cool" - always seems to stress me out. but i think i pinpointed some of that stress and possibly how to avoid it. it's the actually following through is the hard part. i found some jobs that i think would actually be really awesome if i got, but those are kind of a long shot, especially because i'd need to move to a different country for that to happen, and i think they give preference to citizens of that country... for obvious reasons. either way... fingers crossed. and until then... vacation :) (ish)

this gives me hope.

it's coming to the end of my european vacation. sad. face. sort of. while it was a good time being out here and doing different things, i didn't do a TON of things that i wouldn't be able to do at home. and really doing these things and experiencing these things is really about the company you're with and sharing these moments with them. not that i didn't (mostly) enjoy the company i had - but these aren't my good friends, just people i met on this trip. so i had a good time, scratch that, a GREAT time. but i did miss you. sort of. :P in the sense that i wish you were here with me, not me with you.

either way, this last week or so has been kind of a whirlwind. since after st. patrick's day, i've been all around ireland, going to the south and west coasts, went to scotland, and now i'm in paris. i got to run around and drink wine and have desserts underneath the glow of the eiffel tower and it was awesome. sitting in the metro on the way up to the tower, i was like "oh, it's like the one in vegas." walking up to it actually, was inspiring. scotland was very pretty, and my new goal is to find an irish boyfriend so he can take me picnicking in the burren and the cliffs of moher, and then i've found the castle that sits on a lake that i'm getting married at. doesn't have to be an irish man for that, but i guess it makes the most sense because i wouldn't fly all the way over there to get married to someone who wasn't irish.... or would i?

i've taken over 1000 pictures or so, most of them i'll probably need to filter out. had more jameson and beer and beef stew and sausages than ever, and my clothes seriously need a washing, and i desperately need a haircut. oh yea, and then i have to find a source of income because my bank account is probably drained and my credit card bill is going to be ri.di.cul.ous. but it was worth it.

see you kids soon.

There isn't really a "great" reason why I'm on the internet while in a foreign country, so I'll just chalk it up to jetlag. But hello from Dublin! I really wish that I could upload some pictures to post, but that will just have to wait until I come back. I also would like to post some SF pictures.

I just wanted to say hi~ it took awhile for "being in Dublin" to hit me, and I'm not even sure it really has yet. It's kind of just like traveling to any other "unknown" area, but I'm sure in the next few days as we do more sightseeing, it'll sink in more. I'm staying in a hostel (first time ever!) and did a little walking around. But I haven't been sleeping much, and trying to sleep on the plane wasn't fantastic, so we're going to get a good night sleep before traveling to Howth and Malahide tomorrow. I'm glad I have a whiskey drinking partner along, because I thought that it would be lonely journey for me. Not that the objective is to be shitfaced all the time. Plus, everything is expensive here. AND they charge you for mixed drinks twice. (Once of the liquor, once for the coke) or three times, in the case that I got two "dashes" of something. Bullshit I call, but hey.. I will be doing a lot of "on the rocks". Here's another tip for you: don't order seafood in Dublin. I thought seafood was supposed to be "good" in Ireland, but apparently only on the coasts, not in Dublin. And don't go to a place called Copper Faced Jacks - unless you want to be felt up and sleazed all over on the regular. (The last bit is speaking from hearsay, not experience... The seafood one: trust me.)

so i watched the oscars and the reader tonight. the oscars, i'm going to say that i rathered enjoyed. there are some parts that were kind of bad, and a could be better. but i liked the different and the new look and all that other stuff. i'm not one who just likes what everyone else likes because they say it's good. maybe sometimes i try, and i can definitely be swayed, but usually i'm very simple in my likes. i watched the reader, and either i just wasn't paying attention, but i didn't quite "get it". maybe i'm not deep enough, maybe i had too much jack - but i read wikipedia afterwards and it makes more sense to me. the fine details i didn't quite get while watching the movie. to me, those things make a movie for me. in one sense, i REALLY enjoyed milk - and while heavily important, i didn't have to work hard to "get it". maybe this makes me incredibly dense or juvenile, but sometimes i don't want to work that hard in a movie. i like to be entertained. if i wanted to think - i'd work. and not to say i'm lazy, i like to be challenged, as long as there's a resolution. if i'm left with lots of questions and "make what you want of it"... that doesn't make me so happy.

anyhoo... i'm excited that curious case of benjamin button won for vfx. go digital domain. i slightly wish that i still worked there so i could share in the excitement. but hey.. i didn't actually work on that film, so my outsider excitement for them is the same as an ex or current employee. congrats kids.

in an effort to not re-type - check out: http://thatisneverok.blogspot.com/2009/02/super-sad-face.html i made this video, and while i'm kind of embarrassed and think it's super cheesy, i still think it's kind of clever. i'm sure in a few months, i'll come back and look at it and see what i could have done better. but there are some pieces (like my sister's wedding video) - i adore and think "wow.. i'm kind of good at this" not to toot my own horn, but for your own projects you know exactly how much work went into it, and i like seeing how near flawlessly it came out. when i used to be a lot better and formatting and rending stuff. apparently now i BLOW AT IT. (stupid work video....) anyhoo. you can see my very first video resume below and the sob story that accompanies it.

boo urns.

so i think i've silently resolved to blog more here, because while puppies are fun, it's nice to go back and read through essentially my diary. i'm not quite as detailed, or exploitative or rambley as in something that i'd only read myself - but then that helps me be a little less embarrassed in the future. it kind of amazes me sometimes that i've had this blog since 2001. that seems like a loooooong time ago.

sometimes, i read back through the history of some entries - mostly when i'm looking for something, or trying to remember an event or something i said, and it's funny to me how i've changed over the years, because i don't *feel* like i've changed that much, but i guess i have. for the better or worse, i'm a slightly different jean now. dorina tells me that i've changed in the time that she's known me, which is roughly less than 3 years, you could only imagine how i'm different from 2001.

2001-2003 it's a lot of blogging about school, circle k, and towards the latter half, jason mraz. haha. the circle k friends (the people i met through the community service club, not hanging outside a convenience store) are the ones who got me into this "blogging" thing. i think at that time it was still new and exciting, or just not as rampant as it is now, and i either wanted to be one of the cool kids and have my very own link, or felt like i had something to share too, or it totally could have been peer pressure. regardless, it's interesting to read some of my ramblings and see what some of my biggest worries are at any particular moment.

2003-2005 i can't say all what it was about, but i was re-reading some post prior to me getting the job @ DD. there was a lot of sadness and angst, probably mostly from living at home and fighting with my parents EVERY.DAY. and not feeling good enough. there are a lot of sentences and statements in various blogs like "oh.. that's just cuz i'm a loser" or something to that effect, and i don't know if it was just cool and my thing to be that emo, or if i was fishing for compliments - but i definitely didn't think so highly of myself. now, i'm trying to think if i say that ever, even just for fun - and mostly i think about how many times i call other people losers - filled with a lot of eff words. is that mean? or confident? there's always a fine line between those.

within the past 3 years, blogging has been more sparse. i haven't read enough to really have a take on them, or maybe i'm not even far enough removed. maybe i'm so self-reflecty-ey because i'm coming to a time where i have to really think about myself and where i want to go next. it's not just... there for me.

there's also a lot of thought about relationships. i've met a girl at work, and we are a lot alike. and although she's 2 years younger than me, she's 4 years work experience behind me, and it sort of makes a lot of difference. but going back - this wasn't about work. she met a guy at work, and while i'm pretty sure she knows they're not MFEO, there was a point when she thought it was, then in dwindled, then she got really annoyed, then he ignored her, and now she's gone back to him. and my point in all this is that even if you KNOW it's not going to work out, do you just give it a go anyways? to say that you've tried, or just because you really feel like you want to try? i've definitely done that. but more than that, i've cut things off before they even get anywhere because i figure it's not going to happen, or matter, or work out. is that wrong? am i saving myself a headache? or missing out on an experience? am i being smart and not crazy? or unfeeling and cold?

my friend has a date this week. my friend is ALWAYS going out on dates. i don't even know how my friend has the time or the energy to meet so many different people to go on so many different dates. and my friend isn't genuinely that happy. and there are many times that i say, "i'm so glad i'm not my friend." but do i wish i was my friend so that i can experience all these things, even if it means driving myself crazy or getting out of my comfort zone? i don't know.

lastly, i sometimes ask the roommate's BF for guy or life advice. while being pretty sane, he has the compassion and observational insight. that's important. he's never definite, and just always suggests, and usually gives pretty good advice. he's gone through many situations over the course of high school until now, and i think that helps when i'm trying to ask him about LIFE. he said that one has to be comfortable with yourself to go after and obtain other things that you want. and if you're not, then you have to figure out what it is, and how to change it. that seems like pretty DUH advice, but it's not something people spend a lot of time on, because, you know, it's easier to live with the status quo. i think that's also what this time off is going to be for. i mean.. aside from the month and a half of traveling that i just conjured up in my brain. i want to say that i will be better for it by the next time i get a job, or maybe just stuff to work on for 2009.

be the change you want to see.

so today i was making fun of a friend saying that he was crazy for staying up until 2am when he got up at 9am this morning and was planning to wake up by 8am. granted i'm not waking up at 8am, but it's 3:30am and I'm still up. good job. i guess i just feel like there's "stuff" that needs to be done. and the whole last 2 weeks on the job thing/post giant event is also probably swaying my decision to not need to sleep so early.

today i FINALLY got a WiiFit. to be honest I hadn't been looking THAT hard. i'd check the aisles everytime i went to target, or best buy, or occasionally stop at the game stop or something if i was near on. it pretty much turned up empty, sometimes i'd get fooled by empty boxes on display... bastards. today i was at the target in weho and just happened to check the aisle. to my very disbelief there it was. two of them! i was like "wait.. is this just a mat? or a trick? some accessory?" but no.. it was it! eeeeee!! i went over to the counter and was going to ask the guy in the case to unlock it for me, when this little boy was all "excuse me sir, can we get the wii fit." i was there first, and i swear that if there weren't two i totally would have knocked him over because he wasn't even in the aisle or at the counter when i first got there. but, it's all good, i have my wiifit, and sadly i didn't break into it the second i got home, there were a few other things i had to do today, and when i got home and wanted to break into it, my roommate(s) were watching their horrid television show. more reason to hate BSG. haha. i will admit that that dude in it is hott, but i still don't think i'd ever start watching it. it's just going to stay in my pile of "things i hate just cuz" with michael phelps, eggplant and 92.3 the beat.

so it's 1:45am. i really should be sleeping, like bad. i slept ALL day saturday, like did not get out of bet until 6pm. i was TIRED. last night i got roughly 4 hours of sleep. this i bad. i have BAD habits, and i'm supposed to be getting more sleep now that the show is over. doesn't really happen.

i'm sitting (laying really) here listening to my girly strummy acoustickey music. started with tristan prettyman, moved to colbie caillat, going back to t.pretty in a sec. i get in those mood sometimes.

tonight i went to a screening of he's just not that into you. a fuller review will probably be on the puppies blog later this week, but i will say that it wasn't my favorite and i was kind of cringing through a majority of it. and i really liked 27 dresses. i mean, my roommate (and some of my super snobby prententious movie elitist friends) try to make me out to feel like 27 dresses is one of the worst movies ever. but i can relate. i can't relate to the he's just not that into you, while i can be uber girly sometimes, lately, i have had a hard time relating to the crazy. sorry. it makes me uncomfortable.

with that said... yes i'm still listening to girly rock. mostly because madly by t.pretty was in it, and i kind of *heart* that song.

anyhoo - life is kind of up in the air. i can't say that i know what i'm going to do, and i slightly enjoy it. sort of. i got extended another week at work, and then have jury duty after that. i think there's a vegas excursion in the works. my sister is coming back home - so that usually mean increased family time - which is good with the time off. then i'm really considering europe, and possibly asia. i like the idea of picking up and going. but reality sometimes sets in and i'm wondering just how plausible it all can be. with the current state of the economy and this recession we're in - in my own ignorant bubble sort of way, i can't say that i've really "felt" it. sure, i make less money, but that was a choice and a choice to take jobs that made me happy and to spread out. i don't think they were lower paying because of the economy - actually the position i'm in now supposedly is higher paying than it was last year. i'm actually saving money because i'm never home and eat at work always - so, i really am kind of living in a bubble. today i was talking to my father and realized that my 401k has decreased by 30-40%. that's kind of a lot. my dad shared some of his financial statistics to try and demonstrate that my loss is kind of how it is across the board, but seeing his not-so-success didn't make me feel much better. and it makes me think i shouldn't be squandering my money on things like vegas, europe, china, new dresses, and ... stuff. (not drugs.. promise...) that maybe i should try to find a really good paying job, even if it's not what i "want" to do, and so i can take care of myself, save up, and help my parents out/pay them back some. wow.. am i growing up?

not in the least.

haha.. i mean.. i don't know. watching this movie tonight - i probably laughed at all the inopportune moments, and thought 75% of the movie was dumb. does that mean i have issues? that i'm unfeeling? that i'm not being true to myself? that i'll end up alone? honestly, i don't know. here's to wondering what the future will bring - but i'm gonna have to say i hope i have at least some of this figured out by the time i'm 35. i think that's a good "need to have your shit together" age. hopefully earlier. i think i was aiming for 30 - but at this point, that seem premature.

funny enough i kind of have some ideas, but i never seem to have the means/aims to implement them. i guess that's what separates me from the bill gates/tom from myspace/ryan seacrest's of the world.

so while i feel like i need to find a career. i also think that some time off would be good to try and figure stuff out. or just learn and enjoy. i don't know. kind of dilemma - but not a terrible one.

and to leave you with - totally discrediting everything i said about me being non-girly. my super girly girl-rock lyrics:

Take time to realize,
That your worth is
Crashing down on in.
Take time to realize,
That I am on your side
Didn't I, didn't I tell you.

But I can't spell it out for you,
No, it's never gonna be that simple
But I can't spell it out for you

If you just realize what I've just realized,
Then we'd be perfect for each other
And we'll never find another
Just realized what I just realized
We'd never have to wonder if
We missed out on each other now...

colbie caillat, realize

I made a little video the goes into details about the SAG Awards Ceremony Auction for this year. While you may not care for certain celebrities of movies of this year, there are maybe things you care about like... james Earl Jones Autographed Star Wars Posters or Talking Darth Vader helmet, or Set visits to various TV shows (who wants to me AC Slater?!), or some other REALLY cool items like The Curious Case of Benjamin Button Costume Designer portfolio. That may be the one I like best. But there's also other really cool stuff like Entourage signed poster and dvd's, Autographed Slumdog poster (totally going to sweep the awards season), other signed items from Boston Legal, The Closer, House, Weeds, Dexter, 30 Rock, ... etc etc etc. There's also a Heath Ledger signed Brokeback Mountain poster. It starts @ $25k. I don't think anyone I know is going to be able to afford that - but if you're reading this, can afford that, and are a good looking fella - leave a comment now.

In short, there are TONS of really neat-o things, and I slaved over this video and even locked my car in a garage for a night because of it, so I'd really like you to watch it. And then bid on things. So I can look good.

THANKS.

http://www.sagawards.org/auction_store <-- CHECK ME OUT NOW.

haaaaaaappy new year.

so i totally forgot to mention that there's another blog. no, tv - i'm not cheating on you, but just sharing the wealth. i'm not as good at keeping up to date, or blogging as some people, but you've gotta have goals right?

i've been pretty sick as late, or at least this is the first time i let myself be this sick. i'm amazed that during the 5 months that i was on bedtime, that i didn't get terribly ill - with all the stress, not sleeping and crappy eating. there were a few days where I got sick, but they only lasted a day or two. i wasn't "allowed" to get sick. hah. the last two weeks of december, i had been battling and minor cold, and it would come and go and this past monday it came back with a vengeance. i stayed home sick from work Thursday and Friday and "worked from home" and i did - but it was more about me sitting around in my pj's. i was pretty much forced to stay home though because i share an office in a really tight space with 4 other people, and no one is wanting to get sick with the two weeks we have ahead of us. i guess it wasn't so bad. except for the fact that i feel like poo.

i switched my comments system over to the blogspot system. scarily enough - when i started this blog, blogspot didn't have comments as part of their system - but now.. the system that i was using - is going out of business. does that make me feel old or what? anyhoo - i'm going to try and beef up certain things of my internet skillz - mostly because there is so much out there that i'm not taking advantage of. do a better job, jean.

one thing that i have been thinking about lots too is what my life is going to be like in about a month from now. well, technically i'll still have a job, but i'll be 3 days away from not. i haven't really started looking, under the guise that i'd like to "take a break". but if these past few days have taught me anything, is that i get bored really easily. i'm not sure i could handle doing "nothing". although having free time while not being sick can be a different experience. i've contemplated traveling, moving to another city (eek!) or just trying to keep building my life here. i haven't really gone any further on any decisions, and kind of am going to wait to cross that bridge when i come to it. i'm not sure if that's a wise idea or not - but that's what i'm gonna do. i feel kind of weird trying to plan so far in advance (wow.. did those words just come out of my mouth?)

anyhoo.. here is the "new" blog (new is in quotes, because it's not a replacement, just additional!"
Jean and Andrea get a Puppy

AAAAAANNNNDD... here are a few sites for my work. check them out. be my friend.
http://www.sagawards.org
http://www.sagawards.org/auction_store
http://twitter.com/sagawards
http://www.myspace.com/sagawards
SAG Awards Facebook Profile>
http://weblog.xanga.com/sagawards
http://sagawards.livejournal.com/

here's to 2009.

Okay, so maybe I don't have a "real" reason why today sucks and posting the story about how Jaymie's birthday was a sort of giant FAIL would probably be more interesting, but I don't have the energy for that - so I'm going to just kind of whine in the attempt it makes me feel better.

Two days ago I worked 31 hours straight... it kind of wiped me out. I guess I sort of expected it, and it's not the first time I had pulled an all nighter, but I definitely passed out the second I hit the bed, and maybe even a few times at my desk sub-conciously. I slept from 5pm-10pm, and then had some QRT and them slept for like 9 more hours. Should have been good right? Except today I was still massively sluggish and had a major headache. You could say I was still exhausted, or that I slept too much. Either way, today wasn't the funnest, but there was work to be done, along with our holiday party. That was fun, but I am beginning to feel more and more awkward in social situations, and a little more distant. I find myself not really wanting to talk to new people, for the simple fact that I feel like I have NOTHING to say. Or sometimes people just annoy me. Everything seems like a task or a chore, and that annoys me too. I don't know what is wrong with me, that I got to be like that. I think I need help.

Today was my mom's birthday, and I called to wish her a happy birthday. I know people don't like to make big deals about their own birthday, but when I want to make a big deal about yours, I want you to let me. She didn't want to go out, or do anything, and was kind of being a grump about it. But I know she still wanted to, so of course I went home. Except I was trying to finish up some stuff, and didn't leave work until 8pm. Stupid. That was dumb of me. So I was stressing out about not being there in time, and all this other nonsense, especially because I know my mom is crazy and while she didn't want to make a big deal about her birthday, she still really wanted me to be there and have dinner with me, and I totally failed at that. And when I didn't think it was that big of a deal, I realized my mom had gotten kind of dressed up in a nice sparkly sweater to go out to dinner with me. I SUCK.

Got home and my dad had already made dinner. I felt bad because I was late, I felt icky because I was tired, and just... bleh. I ate some, listened to my mom talk on the phone, and I was bored. I felt kind of bad because we should be hanging out, or spending quality time with my parents - but we don't do that. My mom sits on the phone or watches TV, my dad plays card games on his computer, and I.. sit. there. Which sometimes I don't mind, and other times, I just really wanted to be at home sleeping. What also makes me sad is that my dad went out and bought a cake that my mom really likes, and an angel cookie to put on top, and my mom just kind of shuts him down because she's mad at him for other reasons. Doesn't really want to talk to him, doesn't want to take pictures with him, and that's also hard to see a relationship deteriorate like that. It's sad. It makes me sad. I also realized that we should have made a bigger deal about it, it's my mom's 60th birthday and all, and I showed up late. I SUCK EVEN MORE. Anyhoo, we ate cake, I yawned a few more times and my parents sent me home.

I also stopped at Best Buy after work, because I got an email saying my Rock Band 2 was available for pick up, but the line was too long, and I was already late - so I left. Grr. On my way back to the apartment, I realized that it was holiday hours and Best Buy could still be open, so I went to pick up my Rock Band 2 and the girl couldn't find it. UGH. I waited around, searched the store, and she still could not find it. Then she tells me the computer system is messed up and although they have none there, the computer sent me the email anyways and there's nothing they could do. WHAT? LAME. I find out where there might be some at other stores and literally wasted 1/2 hour of my life. For some reason it just pushed me over the edge and just makes me really angry. I hate when things don't go right.

I also have been slightly stressing out about something else that didn't seem to go right. I know it's not something I should be worrying about, but I dwell, cuz that's what I do. I'm a dweller. POOP.

Bright side of today... I got a bunch of screeners from work. Movie watching here I come.

Cake courtesy of my dad

I shouldn't have added that last line.

So I just got home from work a little bit ago. Is this looking to be a trend of days to come? I don't think so. It's funny how my new hours are pretty chill and I wonder how they're going to get such a big event done in just a few short weeks, but everyone is really pleasant and gets mad at me when I stay past 7pm or come in too much before 10am. Yea, that weirds me out, too.

Tomorrow we have a launch, so I had to construct a bunch of sites. True, I could have been doing them last week instead of facebooking, but I didn't have the proper info. Hindsight, 20/20. We stayed until late, my boss refused to leave without me and tomorrow we've been ordered to not come in before noon. I thought about coming in at 10 anyways, because I am totally capable of doing it. But who wants to me THAT girl? Not me.

The point of this blog mainly was that tomorrow, I know that they'll be really appreciated of the work we did and won't be shy in showing it. Tonight, when it was late and people we're tired and there was still a lot to do, nobody snapped at anyone. Everyone helped each other, nobody tried to look better than anyone else, and there wasn't anyone creating really negative spaces or energy. I realize even more now how important that is. People can be pleasant, but it's the people who are genuinely pleasant when the going gets tough are the ones everyone always want around. Keep that one in mind.

Good night!

Working on the third floor near a giant picture window isn't so bad. I just need to figure out how to get this for my bedroom view.

sometimes you just need a little pick me up:

jay: um you didnt tell me the time you picked her drunk ass up when she was with a guy you liked that it was Mv1.0
me: oh.. embarassing
me: did i tell you that?
me: did she tell you this?
jay: she told me
jay: she told me that's how awesome you are
jay: i was like, i know
jay: how awesome jean is and i heard that story
jay: and honestly
jay: you can do way better than Mv1.0

spaz: look at what I found!
spaz: [redacted]
me: hahahahah
me: stalker!
spaz: [redacted]
spaz: [redacted]
me: OMG.
spaz: [name redacted] is still f*cking boring!!!
me: LOL
spaz: you're welcome.

I would even spend my very last text messages on you. - aki

<3

So this day gets even better. I went to the wrong place on my first
day. I must seem like the biggest tard ever.