i was going to title this one "i am terrible at social networking" - but the previous post (from 2 months ago) is "i am terrible" and i didn't want to be that self defeating.
a few weeks ago (i just realized this) was my blog's 10th anniversary. what? i have had this blog for 10 years? that seems crazy. probably mostly because i stopped blogging a long time ago. i think myspace was the beginning of the demise of me blogging. there was a blog on that site and i would blog here, blog there, and would get confused on where i should post stuff. and then with all the social networks EVERYONE was on the internets, and i think i stopped wanting to share so much of my life and started to just post pictures. but i've gone through so many sites, and more and more, there are even more places to whore yourself on the internet: facebook, twitter, tumblr, blogspot, pinterest, google+, spotify, linkedin, instagram... seriously - who can keep up with all this? yet, I can't quite let it go. you always want the new thing, and to be part of it so you don't miss out. and then you expect people to know about your life because you posted it on the internet! but you have some friends here, and some friends there, and some friends not anywhere - and it's just all too exhausting.
ADDITIONALLY - i feel like it's now just become a place to be the most interesting, or have the coolest thing, or write about news so that people will follow you. my social networking isn't really about my opinions on popular subjects, or showcasing trendy things, but just about myself - and while you may care (hi the 3 people who read this blog, which includes my dad i've recently learned as he quoted my blog to me), the majority of the internets (aka strangers) don't. and not that i really care because am i really going to ever be an internet superstar (no.) but it might be a boring subject matter for those who do care and know you IRL (see.. i can get this internet lingo down - although i just had to google "smh" - when did that one happen??) mostly because the lack of response. people probably care, but if they don't tell you, how are you supposed to know? comments, "likes", re-posts.. it's all a form of self validation, and yes, everyone needs it. even you, you're lying to yourself if you say you don't. yes, you want to express yourself, and you're doing it for yourself, but you also want people to appreciate what you're putting out there. and i go back and forth about what to put out there, when, and when i do, how much i care about that reciprocation.
however, with that said, it seems like a crapshoot. i think i may be too far gone at this point to make a comeback on the internets. so i just ramble on, maybe make a little bit more of a concerted effort and just post for me, care a little less about if you read it, liked it or not, and maybe one day i'll figure it all out. until then, i congratulate those of you who can get through my wordy ramblings and still love me (and let me know it!)
xxoo.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
i am terrible
Holy moly it has been a long long time since I've blogged. I think I have quite a few entries that start off saying this. I haven't been so great at blogging or social media in general (this is slightly ironic considering my past) but oh wells. There are no rules. This is for me. I think of a lot of things to "blog" and "say" but they never really come to fruition. So I'm going to try to be better about that - so that I can keep a record or what I used to think this month of this year. It's kind of nice to be able to look back and read back on who you used to be.
So here are things that have been happening in these months of this new year.
I came back from Taiwan and was immediately thrust into working on another film project. It was a good experience though, the usual normal crazy person hours, some moments of hatefulness, some moments of laughter, and I met some really good people. I sort of hope there is a part two this experience. In the meantime, I'm still searching for that something that I want to do. Next. For now.
Recently, and really, let's be honest here, for the past few years, I've had this fitness thing in mind. Mostly to lose weight, and feel better about myself and my self image. And also to be healthy, because that comes along with it right? I've been wanting to do a "30 by 30" and lose 30 pounds by my 30th birthday. But as the weeks dwindle away, it seems a little less likely. HOWEVER. Inspired by a few friends and their fitness habits, and more time off I think should really take this fitness thing into high gear. Also that there are family events and weddings at the end of the summer and you want to look good when you're around lots of opinionated and not afraid to tell you Asian relatives. (My latest Skype chat with my father, he told me my face was fat and I needed to slim down. Thanks, dad.) So I'm wondering how good I can be about the not eating fatty foods (I baked 3 dozen cookies tonight), and making sure I exercise regularly and push myself. But why not? What's stopping me. Don't be lazy, Jean! This picture is pretty awe-inspiring, 2 months huh? That seems like a pretty good change. But I also need to do a lot more work than slimming down and toning, but a loss first overall. But I feel good, and that I can do it. One distraction is leaving my life, while 4 new ones are coming in, but it's all about working it out right? I have my spinning Living Social deal to use up, and maybe I will actually do this Bar Method thing. Give it a shot - can't hurt right? (Actually, it did hurt, my first Bar Method class left me sore for days.) Fitness Summer! Who's in?
4 distractions coming in - My sister and her THREE kids! hehe... My life is going to get a bit busier, but I'm excited for it. I say this now before the yelling/screaming/whining/fighting/pooping starts. But I love the little rugrats, so I'm excited to take them to the beach (be sure to use sunblock this time!), Disneyland, aquariums, or just to the park. Yayers. And take tons of adorable pix. Maybe I will renew that FlickrPro account, although I barely used it at all when I had it. Oops. I do struggle with the fact that I am easing up on the work search to spend some QT with the family, because of that sense of purpose or responsibility that I feel like I need, but I've also missed out on so many moments because I've been so busy working.
On an ending note. Things are good. Some things are frustrating, some things that make me sad, lots of things that make me happy, and there are a lot of things that I need to figure out. But I'm working on it. I hope this will be good. I know this will be good. Smileyface.
So here are things that have been happening in these months of this new year.
I came back from Taiwan and was immediately thrust into working on another film project. It was a good experience though, the usual normal crazy person hours, some moments of hatefulness, some moments of laughter, and I met some really good people. I sort of hope there is a part two this experience. In the meantime, I'm still searching for that something that I want to do. Next. For now.
Recently, and really, let's be honest here, for the past few years, I've had this fitness thing in mind. Mostly to lose weight, and feel better about myself and my self image. And also to be healthy, because that comes along with it right? I've been wanting to do a "30 by 30" and lose 30 pounds by my 30th birthday. But as the weeks dwindle away, it seems a little less likely. HOWEVER. Inspired by a few friends and their fitness habits, and more time off I think should really take this fitness thing into high gear. Also that there are family events and weddings at the end of the summer and you want to look good when you're around lots of opinionated and not afraid to tell you Asian relatives. (My latest Skype chat with my father, he told me my face was fat and I needed to slim down. Thanks, dad.) So I'm wondering how good I can be about the not eating fatty foods (I baked 3 dozen cookies tonight), and making sure I exercise regularly and push myself. But why not? What's stopping me. Don't be lazy, Jean! This picture is pretty awe-inspiring, 2 months huh? That seems like a pretty good change. But I also need to do a lot more work than slimming down and toning, but a loss first overall. But I feel good, and that I can do it. One distraction is leaving my life, while 4 new ones are coming in, but it's all about working it out right? I have my spinning Living Social deal to use up, and maybe I will actually do this Bar Method thing. Give it a shot - can't hurt right? (Actually, it did hurt, my first Bar Method class left me sore for days.) Fitness Summer! Who's in?
4 distractions coming in - My sister and her THREE kids! hehe... My life is going to get a bit busier, but I'm excited for it. I say this now before the yelling/screaming/whining/fighting/pooping starts. But I love the little rugrats, so I'm excited to take them to the beach (be sure to use sunblock this time!), Disneyland, aquariums, or just to the park. Yayers. And take tons of adorable pix. Maybe I will renew that FlickrPro account, although I barely used it at all when I had it. Oops. I do struggle with the fact that I am easing up on the work search to spend some QT with the family, because of that sense of purpose or responsibility that I feel like I need, but I've also missed out on so many moments because I've been so busy working.
On an ending note. Things are good. Some things are frustrating, some things that make me sad, lots of things that make me happy, and there are a lot of things that I need to figure out. But I'm working on it. I hope this will be good. I know this will be good. Smileyface.
Wednesday, February 09, 2011
SIDEBAR
saturday night, i went to a taiwanese club with a friend originally from LA who has been living here for over 2 years now. one thing he mentioned (besides how much of an awesome time he is having) is that "taiwan is GREAT for guys". that girls are more receptive, a little more forward, and don't expect as much. you hook up with a girl, and they don't expect you to date them/call them/do anything later - and then you see them out again at the club next week and everything is peachy keen. she might even go home with your friend that week, and this is all A-OK. the attitude is different and things are freer. i don't know if the last few sentences are actually true - but he mostly meant that girls are more responsive/receptive/appreciative(?) to male attention than in LA. (which.. could just be a snotty LA/girl feel like they need to act a certain way thing) however, i did notice girls being a lot more happy go lucky with the attention giving - which almost mad me dislike the girls more because i felt like they felt like they needed to do that in order for the guys to like them. but that's my american attitude coming in, and hence why "taiwan is great for guys". but maybe it's not such a terrible thing because they're just "having fun". maybe there should be a more carefree who-gives-a-fuck jean, but i don't know where that's going to come from just yet.
additionally - i went to a book expo. i was strollering my sister's kid, so all the vendors tried to chase after me to sucker me into buying stuff. having kids = bait for sales people. since apparently i just speak and they know i'm foreign, taiwanese people are not shy about letting you know they know you're not taiwanese (aka your chinese sucks/is different), and ask where you live. this one guy started asking me about what i do, if i was working, what i did with my kids. and then when i told him i didn't have kids, he asked if i was married or had a boyfriend. and i said no, and then he said something i didn't understand, and then i got a phone call and walked away. i'm not sure if it was him flirting, or him trying to sucker me into some sales pitch. however, it was a fail on both. for me and for him. yup... I AM AWKWARD.
ps. going to the book expo again today - maybe i'll see my man!
additionally - i went to a book expo. i was strollering my sister's kid, so all the vendors tried to chase after me to sucker me into buying stuff. having kids = bait for sales people. since apparently i just speak and they know i'm foreign, taiwanese people are not shy about letting you know they know you're not taiwanese (aka your chinese sucks/is different), and ask where you live. this one guy started asking me about what i do, if i was working, what i did with my kids. and then when i told him i didn't have kids, he asked if i was married or had a boyfriend. and i said no, and then he said something i didn't understand, and then i got a phone call and walked away. i'm not sure if it was him flirting, or him trying to sucker me into some sales pitch. however, it was a fail on both. for me and for him. yup... I AM AWKWARD.
ps. going to the book expo again today - maybe i'll see my man!
Sunday, February 06, 2011
Oops
remember that blog where i said that i was going to blog more, and better? yea... EPIC fail. much like my very failed project 365, and i realized the other day that aside from mobile uploads - i didn't upload a single album/set of pictures to facebook in 2010. so weird.
i used to be SO good about organizing my pictures and posting and sharing them. back in the day, my imagestation was where it was at. now i find organizing and labeling photos so tasking, probably because a) i take so many freaking pictures, and b) i use my iphone so much, and then have to use iphoto, and iphoto SUCKS BALLS. (and not in the good way). now i take a ton of pictures, and if I don't upload them to facebook, most likely no one really sees them. why did i buy that flickr pro account?
anyways, this post wasn't intended to be about berating myself - however, if i'm not spending my time doing all these things - what AM i doing? sometimes i'm not quite sure.
recently i found out a friend i used to hang out with pretty frequently about 4 years ago, is engaged now, as well as another one of our friends in that group. i have two issues with this - and here we go:
1. the fact that at some point in time, he had told me that things were going "okay", but he didn't really "love" the girl. a year or so ago, they moved in together, and now they are engaged. i don't know if it's realistic of me to think that you "know" when a certain person in "the one", but i kind of feel like you do - a least a little. aside from that, when people tell me that they feel a certain way about their significant other, and then decide to take whatever step forward, i wonder if things evolved and that person became your one? or do people settle with comfortable? because the stigma the latter most question evokes in me makes me sad. or do i expect too much? should i realize things aren't perfect and lower my standards? or just get used to being alone?
2. segueing into my next topic: in the past 4 years my life has changed a lot in some aspects, like who i hang out with a lot, but NOT AT ALL in others like knowing what i want to do with my life, relationship status, and feeling more grown up. there are all these people that are engaged, married or having babies, and i sometimes don't feel like i'm any further along ("real life" wise) than when i graduated college. i mean... of course i recognize i'm not the same person, and that's a good thing. but i don't always feel like i'm someone who's going to turn 30 this year. but then again, are marriage and kids really define someone who's 30? i sometimes look at people's wedding pictures and think they just look like they're two kids playing dress up.
so i guess i wonder if i've taken large steps over the past few years equivalent to something like finding the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, and the answer is not really. i know it's not about comparing yourself to others (although that's not what i was taught as a chinese child!!) i'm pretty happy with my life the way it is - but i sometimes feel like i'm doing something wrong for not having the above, and not really trying harder to go after and get it more at this point in time. if i wanted to go find some schmuck to get married to, i think i could probably find a least one sucker. but i don't to settle or put forth the actual effort to find "the one" (if that even exists!), besides the fact that i don't think i'm genuinely ready to properly be concerned with someone else in my life right now. i can barely figure out life for myself! but i feel like i should be careful because i don't want to be the spinster that ends up all alone while all her friends have moved on. or am i just being silly worrying about that right now?
i used to be SO good about organizing my pictures and posting and sharing them. back in the day, my imagestation was where it was at. now i find organizing and labeling photos so tasking, probably because a) i take so many freaking pictures, and b) i use my iphone so much, and then have to use iphoto, and iphoto SUCKS BALLS. (and not in the good way). now i take a ton of pictures, and if I don't upload them to facebook, most likely no one really sees them. why did i buy that flickr pro account?
anyways, this post wasn't intended to be about berating myself - however, if i'm not spending my time doing all these things - what AM i doing? sometimes i'm not quite sure.
recently i found out a friend i used to hang out with pretty frequently about 4 years ago, is engaged now, as well as another one of our friends in that group. i have two issues with this - and here we go:
1. the fact that at some point in time, he had told me that things were going "okay", but he didn't really "love" the girl. a year or so ago, they moved in together, and now they are engaged. i don't know if it's realistic of me to think that you "know" when a certain person in "the one", but i kind of feel like you do - a least a little. aside from that, when people tell me that they feel a certain way about their significant other, and then decide to take whatever step forward, i wonder if things evolved and that person became your one? or do people settle with comfortable? because the stigma the latter most question evokes in me makes me sad. or do i expect too much? should i realize things aren't perfect and lower my standards? or just get used to being alone?
2. segueing into my next topic: in the past 4 years my life has changed a lot in some aspects, like who i hang out with a lot, but NOT AT ALL in others like knowing what i want to do with my life, relationship status, and feeling more grown up. there are all these people that are engaged, married or having babies, and i sometimes don't feel like i'm any further along ("real life" wise) than when i graduated college. i mean... of course i recognize i'm not the same person, and that's a good thing. but i don't always feel like i'm someone who's going to turn 30 this year. but then again, are marriage and kids really define someone who's 30? i sometimes look at people's wedding pictures and think they just look like they're two kids playing dress up.
so i guess i wonder if i've taken large steps over the past few years equivalent to something like finding the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, and the answer is not really. i know it's not about comparing yourself to others (although that's not what i was taught as a chinese child!!) i'm pretty happy with my life the way it is - but i sometimes feel like i'm doing something wrong for not having the above, and not really trying harder to go after and get it more at this point in time. if i wanted to go find some schmuck to get married to, i think i could probably find a least one sucker. but i don't to settle or put forth the actual effort to find "the one" (if that even exists!), besides the fact that i don't think i'm genuinely ready to properly be concerned with someone else in my life right now. i can barely figure out life for myself! but i feel like i should be careful because i don't want to be the spinster that ends up all alone while all her friends have moved on. or am i just being silly worrying about that right now?
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Monday, October 11, 2010
Somewhere, Out there, Beneath the pale moonlight
So I was supposed to leave early today, but I got stuck doing some tasks.. and when I'm FINALLY getting ready to leave at like 11ish or so a co-worker tells me there's a mouse in the traps near the crafty area and you can hear it squeaking. I find a TINY baby mouse stuck to one of the mouse traps, also laden with reese’s peanut butter cups to lure potential mice... smart, but cruel. How do you resist peanut butter cups??
It was so small and cute and sad… and squeaking, and writhing around to try to get free... his entire side body was stuck to that trap. SO.. I got one of the cleaning guys and a co-worker to help me take the trap the sidewalk – armed with a fork and knife, I pried him off the trap and tried to free the mouse. There was so much goo on him, that he just kind of stuck to the sidewalk and my co-worker told me he was done for. He took the fork and laid it near the bushes.
I couldn't bear the thought of the mouse just dying on the sidewalk, and started my own animal rescue initiative. 3 minutes later, I went back armed with rubber gloves, water and smoking ash (with Berto, the cleaning guy, aka my new friend) – to try to clean him off.. and he was gone. Not sure if my other co-worker moved him because I was so sad about him just dying on the street, a bum picked him up, or now there’s a baby mouse roaming the streets of Venice with a fork stuck to his back. But this is how I get stuck until midnight at work when I really just wanted to leave at 8pm today...
Safe to say.. I am anti-sticky mouse traps.
It was so small and cute and sad… and squeaking, and writhing around to try to get free... his entire side body was stuck to that trap. SO.. I got one of the cleaning guys and a co-worker to help me take the trap the sidewalk – armed with a fork and knife, I pried him off the trap and tried to free the mouse. There was so much goo on him, that he just kind of stuck to the sidewalk and my co-worker told me he was done for. He took the fork and laid it near the bushes.
I couldn't bear the thought of the mouse just dying on the sidewalk, and started my own animal rescue initiative. 3 minutes later, I went back armed with rubber gloves, water and smoking ash (with Berto, the cleaning guy, aka my new friend) – to try to clean him off.. and he was gone. Not sure if my other co-worker moved him because I was so sad about him just dying on the street, a bum picked him up, or now there’s a baby mouse roaming the streets of Venice with a fork stuck to his back. But this is how I get stuck until midnight at work when I really just wanted to leave at 8pm today...
Safe to say.. I am anti-sticky mouse traps.
Yea.. those little dots? That's rat poo. Little baby rat poo.
Friday, September 03, 2010
Do's & Don'ts
I'm friends with a lot of people who don't want kids. Alarmingly, a lot. Amongst those friends, I'm the "caring" one that WANTS kids. (Although I really think their exaggeration for my want, is due to their extreme un-want.) While I am that girl who wants a family in the future, I can't really fathom any of this future Jean fate happening any time soon. Nor am I the girl who likes feelings, be really cutesy cutesy all the time, and cry when I'm single on Valentine's Day. Yea, you know the girl I'm talking about. It actually kind of perplexes me how people function like that sometimes. I also think I get scared of feelings, which gets in the way, but that's another post for another day.
Thus, I am this person, that loves love, but only if it makes sense to me. If you don't, then you get the sarcastic mocking attitude with raised eyebrows and looks of disdain. And this conversation....
JeanH: shelley told me that she heard [name retracted] is engaged
JeanH: i found out yesterday [names retracted] are living together
JeanH: what is this world coming to?
rubbrduckee: HAHAHAHAH
rubbrduckee: I'm telling you
rubbrduckee: everyone is getting married or having babies
rubbrduckee: we could probably stay friends if you get married
rubbrduckee: but definitely no on babies
JeanH: haha
JeanH: as long as i don't post every detail of my married life as my facebook status?
rubbrduckee: [names retracted of couple living together]. wow.
JeanH: i know.. right? he told me and i was like... "oh.. okay"
rubbrduckee: oh, yeah, and don't ever write on his wall
JeanH: or fb my husband all the time?
JeanH: HAHAHAHAHA.
rubbrduckee: i mean, i guess sometimes.
rubbrduckee: like, once a month
rubbrduckee: tops
rubbrduckee: and
rubbrduckee: AND
rubbrduckee: couple pictures can only be profile pictures if they're REALLY EPIC
JeanH: got it..
JeanH: i can handle all that.
rubbrduckee: no pictures where you hold out your camera and take it yourself
rubbrduckee: because ew
rubbrduckee: make friends.
JeanH: hahaha.
JeanH: THIS THE BEST CONVERSATION.
rubbrduckee: HAHAHAHHAHA
Thus, I am this person, that loves love, but only if it makes sense to me. If you don't, then you get the sarcastic mocking attitude with raised eyebrows and looks of disdain. And this conversation....
JeanH: shelley told me that she heard [name retracted] is engaged
JeanH: i found out yesterday [names retracted] are living together
JeanH: what is this world coming to?
rubbrduckee: HAHAHAHAH
rubbrduckee: I'm telling you
rubbrduckee: everyone is getting married or having babies
rubbrduckee: we could probably stay friends if you get married
rubbrduckee: but definitely no on babies
JeanH: haha
JeanH: as long as i don't post every detail of my married life as my facebook status?
rubbrduckee: [names retracted of couple living together]. wow.
JeanH: i know.. right? he told me and i was like... "oh.. okay"
rubbrduckee: oh, yeah, and don't ever write on his wall
JeanH: or fb my husband all the time?
JeanH: HAHAHAHAHA.
rubbrduckee: i mean, i guess sometimes.
rubbrduckee: like, once a month
rubbrduckee: tops
rubbrduckee: and
rubbrduckee: AND
rubbrduckee: couple pictures can only be profile pictures if they're REALLY EPIC
JeanH: got it..
JeanH: i can handle all that.
rubbrduckee: no pictures where you hold out your camera and take it yourself
rubbrduckee: because ew
rubbrduckee: make friends.
JeanH: hahaha.
JeanH: THIS THE BEST CONVERSATION.
rubbrduckee: HAHAHAHHAHA
Tuesday, June 08, 2010
another lost email, found
found this email from my sister in 1996. it's funny how invested we would get in such frivolous things:
"don't know how you can stand to watch it. austin and carrie are SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO retarded. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. don't they have any other friends? then they could be like, YOU IDIOTS, just forget about sami and lucas. who cares if they are in love with you.. just be with the person you want to be with.
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
what else are you going to watch tonight?"
Monday, April 26, 2010
found scribbled on a piece of paper - probably from 6 years ago.
me: oops, I forgot to get a gift for Linh
my dad: I've got an extra shoe horn in my trunk
me: um, I don't think she uses a shoe horn
dad: everyone uses a shoe horn, especially for high heels
me: haha
dad: see, it's a very practical gift.
email from my dad this morning:
"Thanks God... I didn't do it"
You might not get it, but my dad is a freaking riot.
me: oops, I forgot to get a gift for Linh
my dad: I've got an extra shoe horn in my trunk
me: um, I don't think she uses a shoe horn
dad: everyone uses a shoe horn, especially for high heels
me: haha
dad: see, it's a very practical gift.
email from my dad this morning:
"Thanks God... I didn't do it"
You might not get it, but my dad is a freaking riot.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
This past weekend I went to a wedding of a family friend. My mom wanted me to come to talk to her friend's son, and at first I wasn't sure if she was trying to set me up, or if it really was because we both went to UCSD, and he works at Disney so she thought it'd help. Either way, it was slightly a bust - but thanks for trying, mom. There are a few things that I did learn this weekend - mostly more to add to the do and don't wants of my wedding (which is not happening annnnytime soon - but I guess I can still have a list.)
1. During the opening reception/cocktails/dinner part - I don't think I just want lovey dovey songs on the playlist. I know it's all supposed to set the mood - but slightly cheesy don't you think?
2. Lots of alcohol will be involved. Lots.
3. Even though Dorina hates it as a wedding song, I still might play Canon in D. The first time I heard it for a wedding march song was at my sister's wedding. I thought she was so ingenious for doing it. Every wedding I've been to since then does it. Was this something I just never really knew about before? Or was my sister ahead of the trend. Either way - this song elicits a severly emotional reaction from me. And it's not like I bawl or anything, but I tear up, kind of a lot. This is severe for me though, because I'm not really a crier. But funny thing is that they played the song (which is so pretty), and I started tearing up (thank goodness for sunglasses), and then started thinking about how funny it would be if the bride's poofy dress knocked over one of the vases with a candle in it lining the walkway and caused a giant fire and started to snicker. This is me at weddings.
4. I'd probably want to have "us" write our own vows. I say probably because I am not a writer. I can't really do anything but cheesy. So real emotional words that I have to repeat in front of everyone I know? Forget about it. However, I think the standard "til death do us part" speech can be kind of... insincere - so where's the happy medium?
5. I'd probably want an outdoor wedding, and if it is - do you mic everyone involved? I know it's not like The Bachelor wedding or anything - but it's also boring if you can't hear what's going on - and I don't want to be yelling or anything. That's something I haven't put a lot of thought into, but seems like one of those important things.
6. Not so much a do/don't - but something I "learned".. in quotes because it's probably something I already knew, but never ceases to amaze me. Chinese parents are judg.ey. How many times did I get asked when it's my turn? Who am I going to marry? How much conversation did I need to endure about who I look like? Who I act like? That I'm better looking and comments on my facial features? How I've evolved and changed and now I'm more "lady like"? How I compare to my sister? How I compare to their kids? Yes, I am different than the loud-mouthed little girl who would come to your house - but not by much, I just know how to keep it in check better. A little. And you're just going to wait on that wedding of mine. But I should have it soon so my parents can invite all their friends and recoup the money that they've given as gifts.
7. I definitely want to keep the whole aisle way down the middle thing. So my outdoor locale will just have to accommodate that. It just seems more efficient for being seen and people's viewing pleasure.
8. If you're going to have a dance floor inside, don't put the bar outside. I know where my friends will choose if forced.
1. During the opening reception/cocktails/dinner part - I don't think I just want lovey dovey songs on the playlist. I know it's all supposed to set the mood - but slightly cheesy don't you think?
2. Lots of alcohol will be involved. Lots.
3. Even though Dorina hates it as a wedding song, I still might play Canon in D. The first time I heard it for a wedding march song was at my sister's wedding. I thought she was so ingenious for doing it. Every wedding I've been to since then does it. Was this something I just never really knew about before? Or was my sister ahead of the trend. Either way - this song elicits a severly emotional reaction from me. And it's not like I bawl or anything, but I tear up, kind of a lot. This is severe for me though, because I'm not really a crier. But funny thing is that they played the song (which is so pretty), and I started tearing up (thank goodness for sunglasses), and then started thinking about how funny it would be if the bride's poofy dress knocked over one of the vases with a candle in it lining the walkway and caused a giant fire and started to snicker. This is me at weddings.
4. I'd probably want to have "us" write our own vows. I say probably because I am not a writer. I can't really do anything but cheesy. So real emotional words that I have to repeat in front of everyone I know? Forget about it. However, I think the standard "til death do us part" speech can be kind of... insincere - so where's the happy medium?
5. I'd probably want an outdoor wedding, and if it is - do you mic everyone involved? I know it's not like The Bachelor wedding or anything - but it's also boring if you can't hear what's going on - and I don't want to be yelling or anything. That's something I haven't put a lot of thought into, but seems like one of those important things.
6. Not so much a do/don't - but something I "learned".. in quotes because it's probably something I already knew, but never ceases to amaze me. Chinese parents are judg.ey. How many times did I get asked when it's my turn? Who am I going to marry? How much conversation did I need to endure about who I look like? Who I act like? That I'm better looking and comments on my facial features? How I've evolved and changed and now I'm more "lady like"? How I compare to my sister? How I compare to their kids? Yes, I am different than the loud-mouthed little girl who would come to your house - but not by much, I just know how to keep it in check better. A little. And you're just going to wait on that wedding of mine. But I should have it soon so my parents can invite all their friends and recoup the money that they've given as gifts.
7. I definitely want to keep the whole aisle way down the middle thing. So my outdoor locale will just have to accommodate that. It just seems more efficient for being seen and people's viewing pleasure.
8. If you're going to have a dance floor inside, don't put the bar outside. I know where my friends will choose if forced.
Friday, April 16, 2010
This is not really the first post back to re-emerge with - but I've been thinking about this one for awhile, so let's dance.
I recently have been spending a lot of time in the crazy place. (And I like how I say recently, like my whole life isn't really just that.) But it fits so well and so easy to call this place where I spend so much of my time. This may or may not be shocking to you, because, for the most part, I'm usually more normal and (I hope) logical than most. I give great advice, but suck at taking my own. I also do tend to dwell, over-analyze and over-think. This is something I'm really trying to do less of, but is hard. I've just been built that way. However, it's nice to know that the population of the crazy place isn't just one.
Does that make it okay? I'm not sure.
Another thing I've been thinking about lately: I don't know how effective feelings by committee are. I tend to ask a lot of questions, seek out a lot of advice, because I'm unsure of where to go and what to do. But everyone I ask only knows the situation from the story I tell. And I used to think that I tell really objective recounts, but maybe that's not true now either, because inevitably how you feel about the situation, and the details you notice that are important to you, affect the narration. I should probably stop asking other people to tell me how I should feel, or really even to ask them to validate how I'm feeling, and just figure it out for myself. I feel like I should stop being uber-sharey the second I feel sort of comfortable with someone. That's probably a bad thing to do.
There is a lot out there I have not experienced. I think that's why I ask so many questions, because I'd like someone to guide me and tell me where to go. Unfortunately, I'm slowly learning, it's probably a solo journey because no one can really tell me where I want to go in my life. People can tell me what to do, but I think I'm a firm believer that people need to learn their own lessons before they'll really make the change. Before I don't think I really understood why people made some of the decisions they made, said the things they did, or chose to behave a certain way. And as over-analytical as I can be - I guess it comes down to the crazy place. And this quiet desperation to get out of it. And the things that you do make you think that it'll help you out, but it only digs you deeper. So I may just need to stay in the crazy place until I learn to climb out on my own.
On a totally unrelated topic: I'm going to an orientation Saturday for a program where I learn how to sail tall ships, and then get to teach at-risk youth how to sail. I think it'll be fun, and I hope rewarding where I feel like I'm making a difference. I just have to add finding a big girl job to that and I'll be a happier camper. And then move on to sort above said shit out.
Back to related subjects:
and you
over think
always speak
cryptically
i should know
that you're no good for me
I recently have been spending a lot of time in the crazy place. (And I like how I say recently, like my whole life isn't really just that.) But it fits so well and so easy to call this place where I spend so much of my time. This may or may not be shocking to you, because, for the most part, I'm usually more normal and (I hope) logical than most. I give great advice, but suck at taking my own. I also do tend to dwell, over-analyze and over-think. This is something I'm really trying to do less of, but is hard. I've just been built that way. However, it's nice to know that the population of the crazy place isn't just one.
Does that make it okay? I'm not sure.
Another thing I've been thinking about lately: I don't know how effective feelings by committee are. I tend to ask a lot of questions, seek out a lot of advice, because I'm unsure of where to go and what to do. But everyone I ask only knows the situation from the story I tell. And I used to think that I tell really objective recounts, but maybe that's not true now either, because inevitably how you feel about the situation, and the details you notice that are important to you, affect the narration. I should probably stop asking other people to tell me how I should feel, or really even to ask them to validate how I'm feeling, and just figure it out for myself. I feel like I should stop being uber-sharey the second I feel sort of comfortable with someone. That's probably a bad thing to do.
There is a lot out there I have not experienced. I think that's why I ask so many questions, because I'd like someone to guide me and tell me where to go. Unfortunately, I'm slowly learning, it's probably a solo journey because no one can really tell me where I want to go in my life. People can tell me what to do, but I think I'm a firm believer that people need to learn their own lessons before they'll really make the change. Before I don't think I really understood why people made some of the decisions they made, said the things they did, or chose to behave a certain way. And as over-analytical as I can be - I guess it comes down to the crazy place. And this quiet desperation to get out of it. And the things that you do make you think that it'll help you out, but it only digs you deeper. So I may just need to stay in the crazy place until I learn to climb out on my own.
On a totally unrelated topic: I'm going to an orientation Saturday for a program where I learn how to sail tall ships, and then get to teach at-risk youth how to sail. I think it'll be fun, and I hope rewarding where I feel like I'm making a difference. I just have to add finding a big girl job to that and I'll be a happier camper. And then move on to sort above said shit out.
Back to related subjects:
and you
over think
always speak
cryptically
i should know
that you're no good for me
Monday, April 12, 2010
it's been awhile...
so, this is not a real post.. but just a pre-quel to a post.. or something like that. i've really been wanting to try to blog more, along with reviving my project 365 which i FAILED MISERABLY at... but there are a few things i need to settle, and i need to become a whole lot better at managing my time when i'm busy or things get going or i have any remote semblance of something called work... but i'm trying. i really am. i want to be a grown up. and with that note... i'll leave you with this.. until i actually get back on the blogging train.
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Last year, a bunch of my friends went to Vegas to gather at a friend's parents' house for Thanksgiving, eat way too much food, drink a lot, and hit up the strip. I missed out because I had a wedding to go to. Not that I didn't enjoy seeing my friend get married, but I missed out on a good trip. I vowed to make it up this year.
This week I have been preparing my final week of Funemployment and I start back up at a job next week. Tuesday I drove down to San Pedro for the best meatball sandwich ever, ate lunch on the beach, and then walked around the aquarium that I used to volunteer for in high school. I forgot how much I liked that aquarium and sea life and how I wanted to be a marine biologist before I figured that was "too much" science and lost my way down the rabbit hole of the entertainment industry. Then I sort of wished that I had spent my 8 months of funemployment doing things like that instead of just sleeping or being lazy at home. But resting up should not be taken for granted either. It made me realize (yet again) that I shouldn't be afraid to do things because it seems like a hassle, or too time consuming, or something that I "shouldn't" be doing.
Awhile back my roommate sent me this quote:
“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”
And I find that that's how I should try to live my life. That and not obsessing or being upset over the things that happened in the past I can't change. I have to pick myself up, learn from my mistakes and do better next time.
Thus, this weekend I find myself in Vegas. I spent Thanksgiving with my dad and even snuck in a black friday online shopping hour with Dre, a Bigfoot West visit (because there's always time for that), and then I packed up a few things (yes few, as in not enough, this is why I should always over pack!), and drove myself out to Vegas. Around Baldwin Park, I started to question it and wonder if it was really a "smart" idea because I had "things to do" at home. But I was a little too far to just turn around and go back. And then you're on that stretch of the 15 that NEVER seems to end and all of a sudden you see the Primm lights, and you finally find yourself in Vegas.
I forgot how fun it was to hang out with this group of friends. When we were around the craps table tripling our money, coming to Vegas this weekend was the best idea ever. We'll see how the rest of the weekend goes. But I have a plan...
1. Don't drink too much like you did on your birthday. And if you do, eat more than hummus and a smoothie. (Going to Burger Bar for dinner tonight!!)
2. Don't pull out extra money on your credit card because you want to gamble - the cash you brought was good enough for now... you'll be back in two weeks.
3. Don't lose (or break) your cell phone (or camera).
4. Stick with your gut feelings
5. Smile and have a good time.
6. Don't get a speeding ticket.
This week I have been preparing my final week of Funemployment and I start back up at a job next week. Tuesday I drove down to San Pedro for the best meatball sandwich ever, ate lunch on the beach, and then walked around the aquarium that I used to volunteer for in high school. I forgot how much I liked that aquarium and sea life and how I wanted to be a marine biologist before I figured that was "too much" science and lost my way down the rabbit hole of the entertainment industry. Then I sort of wished that I had spent my 8 months of funemployment doing things like that instead of just sleeping or being lazy at home. But resting up should not be taken for granted either. It made me realize (yet again) that I shouldn't be afraid to do things because it seems like a hassle, or too time consuming, or something that I "shouldn't" be doing.
Awhile back my roommate sent me this quote:
“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”
- Mark Twain
And I find that that's how I should try to live my life. That and not obsessing or being upset over the things that happened in the past I can't change. I have to pick myself up, learn from my mistakes and do better next time.
Thus, this weekend I find myself in Vegas. I spent Thanksgiving with my dad and even snuck in a black friday online shopping hour with Dre, a Bigfoot West visit (because there's always time for that), and then I packed up a few things (yes few, as in not enough, this is why I should always over pack!), and drove myself out to Vegas. Around Baldwin Park, I started to question it and wonder if it was really a "smart" idea because I had "things to do" at home. But I was a little too far to just turn around and go back. And then you're on that stretch of the 15 that NEVER seems to end and all of a sudden you see the Primm lights, and you finally find yourself in Vegas.
I forgot how fun it was to hang out with this group of friends. When we were around the craps table tripling our money, coming to Vegas this weekend was the best idea ever. We'll see how the rest of the weekend goes. But I have a plan...
1. Don't drink too much like you did on your birthday. And if you do, eat more than hummus and a smoothie. (Going to Burger Bar for dinner tonight!!)
2. Don't pull out extra money on your credit card because you want to gamble - the cash you brought was good enough for now... you'll be back in two weeks.
3. Don't lose (or break) your cell phone (or camera).
4. Stick with your gut feelings
5. Smile and have a good time.
6. Don't get a speeding ticket.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Tuesday, November 03, 2009
I've recently thought that I should pimp myself out more. Not in real life, but on the internet. And not through eHarmony (not yet anyways), but through my blog. Once upon a time ago, my blog was huge to me. I'd write on it all the time, what I ate for lunch, who I talked to, how I did on my papers. Yea, I was that girl. And in my AIM profile, I'd have a link to my blog, with a cheesy quote from some MTV show and I thought I was so clever. I didn't get a bazillion comments, but I knew people were reading it, and people I didn't know were reading it, and people I knew, but not that well would read it. And for the most part, I was okay with that. I actually probably loved it. And then somewhere along the line, I thought that writing all about my life on the internet wasn't really my thing anymore, and I didn't want people to know about me. And then my MySpace blog took a little bit of precedent, and who knows, it just kind of tumbled into obscurity. Bloggity blog o' mine is starting to make a come back. Small at first, but hopefully later.. HUGE! (that's what she said).This is also a little hard because I don't really know if this blog is going to have a clear cut theme. There are a million blogs out there, and people "need" a reason to want to read you. Food, fashion, technology, art, music, etc etc etc. I'm not really any one of those things, and even though there's TV in the title, I don't really talk about it that much (that would have actually been clever, Jean.) So then I'm stuck at a "what to do".
And I think the answer is maybe to just continue on, but better. And then maybe I'll find my niche naturally instead of trying to cram myself into one. I kind of like that I can read this blog and reminisce about things I did in a certain year or day. Or the fun stories, good pictures, or trips to look back on. Is that wrong? Is that not the right path to take? Am I not that interesting? I guess I'll find out... and until then, I'm debating how much I want to pimp myself out.
ps. Update on my friend, 42" Plasma: Philips customer service blows. I kind of expected it because that's what I had read on the interwebs. I also didn't expect it to be under warranty because it has been almost 3 years and I didn't purchase any plan of any kind. But I called them anyways and they told me that because it's an "older" model, they didn't so phone support, but only web support and to check their website. Which is pitiful. There's almost no help at all to be found on that site, unless you're a moron, and then maybe they can tell you how to put batteries in your remote. I bought my TV from Costco, and they sent me a "Concierge service" postcard. I called that number to see what they could do for me, they helped me troubleshoot and actually did get my TV to turn on! But then it failed again. So they're sending a service person out tomorrow to figure out how to fix my TV. And if they can't fix it, I'll probably get a replacement. And I asked how much it would cost me? $0. My size of TV qualifies for protection 4 years from purchase date, for free. Freaking. Love. Them. Like I need another reason to love Costco even more. But I do. All my TV's will now be purchased from Costco. There was a 62" that I had my eye on the other day when I walked in. :P
Monday, November 02, 2009
Today is a sad day indeed. When I started this blog, I titled it as such, because sometimes I really do feel that way. TV is there for me, to make me feel better when I'm blue, and I can always turn to it in a time of need. Today, my only true friend died.
Well actually, I mean TV in the general sense and institution of it, and not my one specific TV, so it's a little less tragic, but really sad for me nonetheless. A little less than 3 years ago, I bought myself a new 42" plasma television as a birthday present to myself. It was something I thought would look great in our new apartment, and despite my mom saying it wasn't necessary, I bought one anyways. I did love the way my TV looked, and often am so pleased by it. Tonight, after I had finished logging mounds of footage, I went downstairs to finally catch up on TV that we had been neglecting for weeks, and the TV wouldn't turn on. It would make the clicking noises on, but then immediately turn off, and then there would be beeping red lights. That's never a good sign.
I checked my user manuals, and my roommate googled the symptoms and found that this problem is actually common with this brand/model, and Philips will charge you like $500 to fix, but you can DIY for less than $100. That also involves me cracking open my own TV. I'm gonna have to check my risk to pay out ratio. I went back to my room, checked some internets, worked a little bit more and sulked. I don't know why I am so sad. It was one of my prized possessions and loves, but it's just a large piece of machinery. Maybe because I can't just go out and get a new one given current economic status. I also hate when things break because then I feel that I did something wrong. Also because it's not even 3 years old, it shouldn't be just up and breaking. What a shame.
I'll let you know if my friend can be resurrected. Keep us in your thoughts and wish us luck.
Well actually, I mean TV in the general sense and institution of it, and not my one specific TV, so it's a little less tragic, but really sad for me nonetheless. A little less than 3 years ago, I bought myself a new 42" plasma television as a birthday present to myself. It was something I thought would look great in our new apartment, and despite my mom saying it wasn't necessary, I bought one anyways. I did love the way my TV looked, and often am so pleased by it. Tonight, after I had finished logging mounds of footage, I went downstairs to finally catch up on TV that we had been neglecting for weeks, and the TV wouldn't turn on. It would make the clicking noises on, but then immediately turn off, and then there would be beeping red lights. That's never a good sign.
I checked my user manuals, and my roommate googled the symptoms and found that this problem is actually common with this brand/model, and Philips will charge you like $500 to fix, but you can DIY for less than $100. That also involves me cracking open my own TV. I'm gonna have to check my risk to pay out ratio. I went back to my room, checked some internets, worked a little bit more and sulked. I don't know why I am so sad. It was one of my prized possessions and loves, but it's just a large piece of machinery. Maybe because I can't just go out and get a new one given current economic status. I also hate when things break because then I feel that I did something wrong. Also because it's not even 3 years old, it shouldn't be just up and breaking. What a shame.
I'll let you know if my friend can be resurrected. Keep us in your thoughts and wish us luck.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
On the top of my list of things that make me awkward is interacting with drivers in the next car over. Maybe it's a personal space issue, maybe it's a "don't talk to strangers thing" imbedded in me from when I was young, but I always think it's so weird making eye contact with people on the road in other cars.
In LA where so much of your time is spent in a car, it may rank up there as "places to meet people". Recently I was driving home from the valley and some guy started yelling at me and honking his horn to get attention. My windows were shut and I could still hear him. I maaaaybe would have turned to look if except A. He sounded 19, B. He was really obnoxious about it and that's not attractive, C. I was having a really shitty day and didn't want to deal with stupid people. Sometimes I think, "hey, maybe I should have given him a chance". He may have been the hottest guy I had seen in my life. But including all of the facts above, D. That's so awkward.
Today, I was driving to the AT&T store to get a new sim card and a pretty attractive man pulled up in a silver 4 runner. It was a nice hot 86 degrees out this fine Monday in October, so I was driving with my windows down. He pulled up and smiled at me and I half grinned back. I looked away and pretended to be really interested on something on my side of the street, the radio, my fingernails. Anything except looking at "pretty attractive man". Then I got the courage to take a better look at him and he thankfully was looking away. But then he started to turn his head and I immediately looked away. Yes, I'm a chicken. That's my zodiac sign, maybe it's in my blood. I could be totally wrong. Maybe he was just being nice. But I still imagine all the scenarios that could have happened and all the pretty attractive children we would have had had I maybe just tried a little bit? Is that what this is all about? I think I'm pretty much doomed anyways.
Do you interact with other drivers? What do you do when someone rolls up next to you in the car and smiles? Are you attracted when someone yells at you from the next car? I can't be alone in this... can I?
In LA where so much of your time is spent in a car, it may rank up there as "places to meet people". Recently I was driving home from the valley and some guy started yelling at me and honking his horn to get attention. My windows were shut and I could still hear him. I maaaaybe would have turned to look if except A. He sounded 19, B. He was really obnoxious about it and that's not attractive, C. I was having a really shitty day and didn't want to deal with stupid people. Sometimes I think, "hey, maybe I should have given him a chance". He may have been the hottest guy I had seen in my life. But including all of the facts above, D. That's so awkward.Today, I was driving to the AT&T store to get a new sim card and a pretty attractive man pulled up in a silver 4 runner. It was a nice hot 86 degrees out this fine Monday in October, so I was driving with my windows down. He pulled up and smiled at me and I half grinned back. I looked away and pretended to be really interested on something on my side of the street, the radio, my fingernails. Anything except looking at "pretty attractive man". Then I got the courage to take a better look at him and he thankfully was looking away. But then he started to turn his head and I immediately looked away. Yes, I'm a chicken. That's my zodiac sign, maybe it's in my blood. I could be totally wrong. Maybe he was just being nice. But I still imagine all the scenarios that could have happened and all the pretty attractive children we would have had had I maybe just tried a little bit? Is that what this is all about? I think I'm pretty much doomed anyways.
Do you interact with other drivers? What do you do when someone rolls up next to you in the car and smiles? Are you attracted when someone yells at you from the next car? I can't be alone in this... can I?
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Tales from work today
I caught a major mistake that will require a change to the rest of the days... Yet I don't know if they'll even know it was me who caught it or that they should be glad that I happened to be there at that particular moment.
I had to go to the psychic eye bookstore, kind of creeped me out.
I also went to Joann's. It made me kind of wish that I was crafty and that I could buy this a bunch of stuff from this store and make really cool stuff.
Please and thank you go a long way. Learn to use them. And mean it.
Still wondering about this whole entertainment thing.
I had to go to the psychic eye bookstore, kind of creeped me out.
I also went to Joann's. It made me kind of wish that I was crafty and that I could buy this a bunch of stuff from this store and make really cool stuff.
Please and thank you go a long way. Learn to use them. And mean it.
Still wondering about this whole entertainment thing.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)