i was going to title this one "i am terrible at social networking" - but the previous post (from 2 months ago) is "i am terrible" and i didn't want to be that self defeating.
a few weeks ago (i just realized this) was my blog's 10th anniversary. what? i have had this blog for 10 years? that seems crazy. probably mostly because i stopped blogging a long time ago. i think myspace was the beginning of the demise of me blogging. there was a blog on that site and i would blog here, blog there, and would get confused on where i should post stuff. and then with all the social networks EVERYONE was on the internets, and i think i stopped wanting to share so much of my life and started to just post pictures. but i've gone through so many sites, and more and more, there are even more places to whore yourself on the internet: facebook, twitter, tumblr, blogspot, pinterest, google+, spotify, linkedin, instagram... seriously - who can keep up with all this? yet, I can't quite let it go. you always want the new thing, and to be part of it so you don't miss out. and then you expect people to know about your life because you posted it on the internet! but you have some friends here, and some friends there, and some friends not anywhere - and it's just all too exhausting.
ADDITIONALLY - i feel like it's now just become a place to be the most interesting, or have the coolest thing, or write about news so that people will follow you. my social networking isn't really about my opinions on popular subjects, or showcasing trendy things, but just about myself - and while you may care (hi the 3 people who read this blog, which includes my dad i've recently learned as he quoted my blog to me), the majority of the internets (aka strangers) don't. and not that i really care because am i really going to ever be an internet superstar (no.) but it might be a boring subject matter for those who do care and know you IRL (see.. i can get this internet lingo down - although i just had to google "smh" - when did that one happen??) mostly because the lack of response. people probably care, but if they don't tell you, how are you supposed to know? comments, "likes", re-posts.. it's all a form of self validation, and yes, everyone needs it. even you, you're lying to yourself if you say you don't. yes, you want to express yourself, and you're doing it for yourself, but you also want people to appreciate what you're putting out there. and i go back and forth about what to put out there, when, and when i do, how much i care about that reciprocation.
however, with that said, it seems like a crapshoot. i think i may be too far gone at this point to make a comeback on the internets. so i just ramble on, maybe make a little bit more of a concerted effort and just post for me, care a little less about if you read it, liked it or not, and maybe one day i'll figure it all out. until then, i congratulate those of you who can get through my wordy ramblings and still love me (and let me know it!)
xxoo.