soooo.. i know it's been awhile. and even longer since a "real" post.. but i think i might be making a return to blogger. which might be even better if random people/people i don't like are reading it cuz they think i don't blog anymore. i know really that the point of writing in public is for people to read it - but sometimes.. i dunno. anyways.. that's not the point.

i just want to say - in a not so public place - that i'm slightly sad about my work halloween party this year. i pretty much was in charge/helped plan the whole thing.. and while i definitely did not do it all by myself, i think i did a big portion of the conception and organizing of it. people have been complimenting me, and saying how awesome it was, which is great, and i'm glad. (yea.. i reeeallly don't take compliments well.) but the more i think about it, and the more pictures i see.. it makes me kind of sad. i planned this really awesome thing with all this awesome stuff and all the things i like and i didn't get to enjoy any of it. i mean.. that is my fault in the poor planning sense. while the party is over without any casualties or major blows, if i had prepped better i maybe could have enjoyed the party more instead of running around the entire time making sure things were right. i honestly didn't have a single ounce of fun, and really that has no correlation to me having not a single ounce of alcohol. and, it's not like i had a bad time, i just didn't have a good time because i was working the whole time. i didn't get to hang out with any of my friends, non of my co-workers, didn't get to eat a bacon wrapped hot dog, didn't take any photobooth pictures, didn't get to listen to the band, didn't get to dance and didn't get to flirt with the hot bartenders or go-go dancers. okay.. so the last one i would have survived without (maybe) but all the rest. i REALLY wanted to do. i planned this party with all the stuff i love and hand picked, and i can't very well bring it back next year (if i'm even planning).. so.. what gives? if the party was so intensely awesome, i'm that much more sad i didn't get to enjoy it. this might be the one case where making a ton of other people happy doesn't really make me happy. and while the flood of compliments and thank you's is always appreciated, it doesn't help that i didn't get to enjoy any of it. and not really just the "fun" aspects.. but i see in pictures the decoration and the atmosphere and i didn't get to take in any of that.. because i was so focused on getting through the crowd to problem #x. i need to lay off "serious work mode jean" and find middle ground. i know i'm whining, and maybe i'll go buy something nice for myself with my next paycheck of the 90 hours i put in last week to make myself feel better, but i'm still not gonna get any of those things i said above back. expect another spell of sadness when the photobooth pictures come online and i see everyone having way too much fun, in the super cute photobooth pictures and i'm not in any of them. i think that's the one that makes me the most sad. boo. oh well.. next time right? and i could have way worse problems.

outside: looks humongous!
(that's what she said)

inside: hot bartenders + fake fire (awesome!) is never a bad combination.. too bad go-go dancers are not also in this picture

oh, here they are (minus one girl)... helloooooooo.

*images stolen from andrea