so i watched the oscars and the reader tonight. the oscars, i'm going to say that i rathered enjoyed. there are some parts that were kind of bad, and a could be better. but i liked the different and the new look and all that other stuff. i'm not one who just likes what everyone else likes because they say it's good. maybe sometimes i try, and i can definitely be swayed, but usually i'm very simple in my likes. i watched the reader, and either i just wasn't paying attention, but i didn't quite "get it". maybe i'm not deep enough, maybe i had too much jack - but i read wikipedia afterwards and it makes more sense to me. the fine details i didn't quite get while watching the movie. to me, those things make a movie for me. in one sense, i REALLY enjoyed milk - and while heavily important, i didn't have to work hard to "get it". maybe this makes me incredibly dense or juvenile, but sometimes i don't want to work that hard in a movie. i like to be entertained. if i wanted to think - i'd work. and not to say i'm lazy, i like to be challenged, as long as there's a resolution. if i'm left with lots of questions and "make what you want of it"... that doesn't make me so happy.
anyhoo... i'm excited that curious case of benjamin button won for vfx. go digital domain. i slightly wish that i still worked there so i could share in the excitement. but hey.. i didn't actually work on that film, so my outsider excitement for them is the same as an ex or current employee. congrats kids.
in an effort to not re-type - check out: http://thatisneverok.blogspot.com/2009/02/super-sad-face.html i made this video, and while i'm kind of embarrassed and think it's super cheesy, i still think it's kind of clever. i'm sure in a few months, i'll come back and look at it and see what i could have done better. but there are some pieces (like my sister's wedding video) - i adore and think "wow.. i'm kind of good at this" not to toot my own horn, but for your own projects you know exactly how much work went into it, and i like seeing how near flawlessly it came out. when i used to be a lot better and formatting and rending stuff. apparently now i BLOW AT IT. (stupid work video....) anyhoo. you can see my very first video resume below and the sob story that accompanies it.
boo urns.
as a kid, did you ever play by yourself and pretend to be multiple people? yeah.. me too.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
so i think i've silently resolved to blog more here, because while puppies are fun, it's nice to go back and read through essentially my diary. i'm not quite as detailed, or exploitative or rambley as in something that i'd only read myself - but then that helps me be a little less embarrassed in the future. it kind of amazes me sometimes that i've had this blog since 2001. that seems like a loooooong time ago.
sometimes, i read back through the history of some entries - mostly when i'm looking for something, or trying to remember an event or something i said, and it's funny to me how i've changed over the years, because i don't *feel* like i've changed that much, but i guess i have. for the better or worse, i'm a slightly different jean now. dorina tells me that i've changed in the time that she's known me, which is roughly less than 3 years, you could only imagine how i'm different from 2001.
2001-2003 it's a lot of blogging about school, circle k, and towards the latter half, jason mraz. haha. the circle k friends (the people i met through the community service club, not hanging outside a convenience store) are the ones who got me into this "blogging" thing. i think at that time it was still new and exciting, or just not as rampant as it is now, and i either wanted to be one of the cool kids and have my very own link, or felt like i had something to share too, or it totally could have been peer pressure. regardless, it's interesting to read some of my ramblings and see what some of my biggest worries are at any particular moment.
2003-2005 i can't say all what it was about, but i was re-reading some post prior to me getting the job @ DD. there was a lot of sadness and angst, probably mostly from living at home and fighting with my parents EVERY.DAY. and not feeling good enough. there are a lot of sentences and statements in various blogs like "oh.. that's just cuz i'm a loser" or something to that effect, and i don't know if it was just cool and my thing to be that emo, or if i was fishing for compliments - but i definitely didn't think so highly of myself. now, i'm trying to think if i say that ever, even just for fun - and mostly i think about how many times i call other people losers - filled with a lot of eff words. is that mean? or confident? there's always a fine line between those.
within the past 3 years, blogging has been more sparse. i haven't read enough to really have a take on them, or maybe i'm not even far enough removed. maybe i'm so self-reflecty-ey because i'm coming to a time where i have to really think about myself and where i want to go next. it's not just... there for me.
there's also a lot of thought about relationships. i've met a girl at work, and we are a lot alike. and although she's 2 years younger than me, she's 4 years work experience behind me, and it sort of makes a lot of difference. but going back - this wasn't about work. she met a guy at work, and while i'm pretty sure she knows they're not MFEO, there was a point when she thought it was, then in dwindled, then she got really annoyed, then he ignored her, and now she's gone back to him. and my point in all this is that even if you KNOW it's not going to work out, do you just give it a go anyways? to say that you've tried, or just because you really feel like you want to try? i've definitely done that. but more than that, i've cut things off before they even get anywhere because i figure it's not going to happen, or matter, or work out. is that wrong? am i saving myself a headache? or missing out on an experience? am i being smart and not crazy? or unfeeling and cold?
my friend has a date this week. my friend is ALWAYS going out on dates. i don't even know how my friend has the time or the energy to meet so many different people to go on so many different dates. and my friend isn't genuinely that happy. and there are many times that i say, "i'm so glad i'm not my friend." but do i wish i was my friend so that i can experience all these things, even if it means driving myself crazy or getting out of my comfort zone? i don't know.
lastly, i sometimes ask the roommate's BF for guy or life advice. while being pretty sane, he has the compassion and observational insight. that's important. he's never definite, and just always suggests, and usually gives pretty good advice. he's gone through many situations over the course of high school until now, and i think that helps when i'm trying to ask him about LIFE. he said that one has to be comfortable with yourself to go after and obtain other things that you want. and if you're not, then you have to figure out what it is, and how to change it. that seems like pretty DUH advice, but it's not something people spend a lot of time on, because, you know, it's easier to live with the status quo. i think that's also what this time off is going to be for. i mean.. aside from the month and a half of traveling that i just conjured up in my brain. i want to say that i will be better for it by the next time i get a job, or maybe just stuff to work on for 2009.
be the change you want to see.
sometimes, i read back through the history of some entries - mostly when i'm looking for something, or trying to remember an event or something i said, and it's funny to me how i've changed over the years, because i don't *feel* like i've changed that much, but i guess i have. for the better or worse, i'm a slightly different jean now. dorina tells me that i've changed in the time that she's known me, which is roughly less than 3 years, you could only imagine how i'm different from 2001.
2001-2003 it's a lot of blogging about school, circle k, and towards the latter half, jason mraz. haha. the circle k friends (the people i met through the community service club, not hanging outside a convenience store) are the ones who got me into this "blogging" thing. i think at that time it was still new and exciting, or just not as rampant as it is now, and i either wanted to be one of the cool kids and have my very own link, or felt like i had something to share too, or it totally could have been peer pressure. regardless, it's interesting to read some of my ramblings and see what some of my biggest worries are at any particular moment.
2003-2005 i can't say all what it was about, but i was re-reading some post prior to me getting the job @ DD. there was a lot of sadness and angst, probably mostly from living at home and fighting with my parents EVERY.DAY. and not feeling good enough. there are a lot of sentences and statements in various blogs like "oh.. that's just cuz i'm a loser" or something to that effect, and i don't know if it was just cool and my thing to be that emo, or if i was fishing for compliments - but i definitely didn't think so highly of myself. now, i'm trying to think if i say that ever, even just for fun - and mostly i think about how many times i call other people losers - filled with a lot of eff words. is that mean? or confident? there's always a fine line between those.
within the past 3 years, blogging has been more sparse. i haven't read enough to really have a take on them, or maybe i'm not even far enough removed. maybe i'm so self-reflecty-ey because i'm coming to a time where i have to really think about myself and where i want to go next. it's not just... there for me.
there's also a lot of thought about relationships. i've met a girl at work, and we are a lot alike. and although she's 2 years younger than me, she's 4 years work experience behind me, and it sort of makes a lot of difference. but going back - this wasn't about work. she met a guy at work, and while i'm pretty sure she knows they're not MFEO, there was a point when she thought it was, then in dwindled, then she got really annoyed, then he ignored her, and now she's gone back to him. and my point in all this is that even if you KNOW it's not going to work out, do you just give it a go anyways? to say that you've tried, or just because you really feel like you want to try? i've definitely done that. but more than that, i've cut things off before they even get anywhere because i figure it's not going to happen, or matter, or work out. is that wrong? am i saving myself a headache? or missing out on an experience? am i being smart and not crazy? or unfeeling and cold?
my friend has a date this week. my friend is ALWAYS going out on dates. i don't even know how my friend has the time or the energy to meet so many different people to go on so many different dates. and my friend isn't genuinely that happy. and there are many times that i say, "i'm so glad i'm not my friend." but do i wish i was my friend so that i can experience all these things, even if it means driving myself crazy or getting out of my comfort zone? i don't know.
lastly, i sometimes ask the roommate's BF for guy or life advice. while being pretty sane, he has the compassion and observational insight. that's important. he's never definite, and just always suggests, and usually gives pretty good advice. he's gone through many situations over the course of high school until now, and i think that helps when i'm trying to ask him about LIFE. he said that one has to be comfortable with yourself to go after and obtain other things that you want. and if you're not, then you have to figure out what it is, and how to change it. that seems like pretty DUH advice, but it's not something people spend a lot of time on, because, you know, it's easier to live with the status quo. i think that's also what this time off is going to be for. i mean.. aside from the month and a half of traveling that i just conjured up in my brain. i want to say that i will be better for it by the next time i get a job, or maybe just stuff to work on for 2009.
be the change you want to see.
Monday, February 09, 2009
so today i was making fun of a friend saying that he was crazy for staying up until 2am when he got up at 9am this morning and was planning to wake up by 8am. granted i'm not waking up at 8am, but it's 3:30am and I'm still up. good job. i guess i just feel like there's "stuff" that needs to be done. and the whole last 2 weeks on the job thing/post giant event is also probably swaying my decision to not need to sleep so early.
today i FINALLY got a WiiFit. to be honest I hadn't been looking THAT hard. i'd check the aisles everytime i went to target, or best buy, or occasionally stop at the game stop or something if i was near on. it pretty much turned up empty, sometimes i'd get fooled by empty boxes on display... bastards. today i was at the target in weho and just happened to check the aisle. to my very disbelief there it was. two of them! i was like "wait.. is this just a mat? or a trick? some accessory?" but no.. it was it! eeeeee!! i went over to the counter and was going to ask the guy in the case to unlock it for me, when this little boy was all "excuse me sir, can we get the wii fit." i was there first, and i swear that if there weren't two i totally would have knocked him over because he wasn't even in the aisle or at the counter when i first got there. but, it's all good, i have my wiifit, and sadly i didn't break into it the second i got home, there were a few other things i had to do today, and when i got home and wanted to break into it, my roommate(s) were watching their horrid television show. more reason to hate BSG. haha. i will admit that that dude in it is hott, but i still don't think i'd ever start watching it. it's just going to stay in my pile of "things i hate just cuz" with michael phelps, eggplant and 92.3 the beat.
today i FINALLY got a WiiFit. to be honest I hadn't been looking THAT hard. i'd check the aisles everytime i went to target, or best buy, or occasionally stop at the game stop or something if i was near on. it pretty much turned up empty, sometimes i'd get fooled by empty boxes on display... bastards. today i was at the target in weho and just happened to check the aisle. to my very disbelief there it was. two of them! i was like "wait.. is this just a mat? or a trick? some accessory?" but no.. it was it! eeeeee!! i went over to the counter and was going to ask the guy in the case to unlock it for me, when this little boy was all "excuse me sir, can we get the wii fit." i was there first, and i swear that if there weren't two i totally would have knocked him over because he wasn't even in the aisle or at the counter when i first got there. but, it's all good, i have my wiifit, and sadly i didn't break into it the second i got home, there were a few other things i had to do today, and when i got home and wanted to break into it, my roommate(s) were watching their horrid television show. more reason to hate BSG. haha. i will admit that that dude in it is hott, but i still don't think i'd ever start watching it. it's just going to stay in my pile of "things i hate just cuz" with michael phelps, eggplant and 92.3 the beat.
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
so it's 1:45am. i really should be sleeping, like bad. i slept ALL day saturday, like did not get out of bet until 6pm. i was TIRED. last night i got roughly 4 hours of sleep. this i bad. i have BAD habits, and i'm supposed to be getting more sleep now that the show is over. doesn't really happen.
i'm sitting (laying really) here listening to my girly strummy acoustickey music. started with tristan prettyman, moved to colbie caillat, going back to t.pretty in a sec. i get in those mood sometimes.
tonight i went to a screening of he's just not that into you. a fuller review will probably be on the puppies blog later this week, but i will say that it wasn't my favorite and i was kind of cringing through a majority of it. and i really liked 27 dresses. i mean, my roommate (and some of my super snobby prententious movie elitist friends) try to make me out to feel like 27 dresses is one of the worst movies ever. but i can relate. i can't relate to the he's just not that into you, while i can be uber girly sometimes, lately, i have had a hard time relating to the crazy. sorry. it makes me uncomfortable.
with that said... yes i'm still listening to girly rock. mostly because madly by t.pretty was in it, and i kind of *heart* that song.
anyhoo - life is kind of up in the air. i can't say that i know what i'm going to do, and i slightly enjoy it. sort of. i got extended another week at work, and then have jury duty after that. i think there's a vegas excursion in the works. my sister is coming back home - so that usually mean increased family time - which is good with the time off. then i'm really considering europe, and possibly asia. i like the idea of picking up and going. but reality sometimes sets in and i'm wondering just how plausible it all can be. with the current state of the economy and this recession we're in - in my own ignorant bubble sort of way, i can't say that i've really "felt" it. sure, i make less money, but that was a choice and a choice to take jobs that made me happy and to spread out. i don't think they were lower paying because of the economy - actually the position i'm in now supposedly is higher paying than it was last year. i'm actually saving money because i'm never home and eat at work always - so, i really am kind of living in a bubble. today i was talking to my father and realized that my 401k has decreased by 30-40%. that's kind of a lot. my dad shared some of his financial statistics to try and demonstrate that my loss is kind of how it is across the board, but seeing his not-so-success didn't make me feel much better. and it makes me think i shouldn't be squandering my money on things like vegas, europe, china, new dresses, and ... stuff. (not drugs.. promise...) that maybe i should try to find a really good paying job, even if it's not what i "want" to do, and so i can take care of myself, save up, and help my parents out/pay them back some. wow.. am i growing up?
not in the least.
haha.. i mean.. i don't know. watching this movie tonight - i probably laughed at all the inopportune moments, and thought 75% of the movie was dumb. does that mean i have issues? that i'm unfeeling? that i'm not being true to myself? that i'll end up alone? honestly, i don't know. here's to wondering what the future will bring - but i'm gonna have to say i hope i have at least some of this figured out by the time i'm 35. i think that's a good "need to have your shit together" age. hopefully earlier. i think i was aiming for 30 - but at this point, that seem premature.
funny enough i kind of have some ideas, but i never seem to have the means/aims to implement them. i guess that's what separates me from the bill gates/tom from myspace/ryan seacrest's of the world.
so while i feel like i need to find a career. i also think that some time off would be good to try and figure stuff out. or just learn and enjoy. i don't know. kind of dilemma - but not a terrible one.
and to leave you with - totally discrediting everything i said about me being non-girly. my super girly girl-rock lyrics:
Take time to realize,
That your worth is
Crashing down on in.
Take time to realize,
That I am on your side
Didn't I, didn't I tell you.
But I can't spell it out for you,
No, it's never gonna be that simple
But I can't spell it out for you
If you just realize what I've just realized,
Then we'd be perfect for each other
And we'll never find another
Just realized what I just realized
We'd never have to wonder if
We missed out on each other now...
colbie caillat, realize
i'm sitting (laying really) here listening to my girly strummy acoustickey music. started with tristan prettyman, moved to colbie caillat, going back to t.pretty in a sec. i get in those mood sometimes.
tonight i went to a screening of he's just not that into you. a fuller review will probably be on the puppies blog later this week, but i will say that it wasn't my favorite and i was kind of cringing through a majority of it. and i really liked 27 dresses. i mean, my roommate (and some of my super snobby prententious movie elitist friends) try to make me out to feel like 27 dresses is one of the worst movies ever. but i can relate. i can't relate to the he's just not that into you, while i can be uber girly sometimes, lately, i have had a hard time relating to the crazy. sorry. it makes me uncomfortable.
with that said... yes i'm still listening to girly rock. mostly because madly by t.pretty was in it, and i kind of *heart* that song.
anyhoo - life is kind of up in the air. i can't say that i know what i'm going to do, and i slightly enjoy it. sort of. i got extended another week at work, and then have jury duty after that. i think there's a vegas excursion in the works. my sister is coming back home - so that usually mean increased family time - which is good with the time off. then i'm really considering europe, and possibly asia. i like the idea of picking up and going. but reality sometimes sets in and i'm wondering just how plausible it all can be. with the current state of the economy and this recession we're in - in my own ignorant bubble sort of way, i can't say that i've really "felt" it. sure, i make less money, but that was a choice and a choice to take jobs that made me happy and to spread out. i don't think they were lower paying because of the economy - actually the position i'm in now supposedly is higher paying than it was last year. i'm actually saving money because i'm never home and eat at work always - so, i really am kind of living in a bubble. today i was talking to my father and realized that my 401k has decreased by 30-40%. that's kind of a lot. my dad shared some of his financial statistics to try and demonstrate that my loss is kind of how it is across the board, but seeing his not-so-success didn't make me feel much better. and it makes me think i shouldn't be squandering my money on things like vegas, europe, china, new dresses, and ... stuff. (not drugs.. promise...) that maybe i should try to find a really good paying job, even if it's not what i "want" to do, and so i can take care of myself, save up, and help my parents out/pay them back some. wow.. am i growing up?
not in the least.
haha.. i mean.. i don't know. watching this movie tonight - i probably laughed at all the inopportune moments, and thought 75% of the movie was dumb. does that mean i have issues? that i'm unfeeling? that i'm not being true to myself? that i'll end up alone? honestly, i don't know. here's to wondering what the future will bring - but i'm gonna have to say i hope i have at least some of this figured out by the time i'm 35. i think that's a good "need to have your shit together" age. hopefully earlier. i think i was aiming for 30 - but at this point, that seem premature.
funny enough i kind of have some ideas, but i never seem to have the means/aims to implement them. i guess that's what separates me from the bill gates/tom from myspace/ryan seacrest's of the world.
so while i feel like i need to find a career. i also think that some time off would be good to try and figure stuff out. or just learn and enjoy. i don't know. kind of dilemma - but not a terrible one.
and to leave you with - totally discrediting everything i said about me being non-girly. my super girly girl-rock lyrics:
Take time to realize,
That your worth is
Crashing down on in.
Take time to realize,
That I am on your side
Didn't I, didn't I tell you.
But I can't spell it out for you,
No, it's never gonna be that simple
But I can't spell it out for you
If you just realize what I've just realized,
Then we'd be perfect for each other
And we'll never find another
Just realized what I just realized
We'd never have to wonder if
We missed out on each other now...
colbie caillat, realize
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