so it's 1:45am. i really should be sleeping, like bad. i slept ALL day saturday, like did not get out of bet until 6pm. i was TIRED. last night i got roughly 4 hours of sleep. this i bad. i have BAD habits, and i'm supposed to be getting more sleep now that the show is over. doesn't really happen.

i'm sitting (laying really) here listening to my girly strummy acoustickey music. started with tristan prettyman, moved to colbie caillat, going back to t.pretty in a sec. i get in those mood sometimes.

tonight i went to a screening of he's just not that into you. a fuller review will probably be on the puppies blog later this week, but i will say that it wasn't my favorite and i was kind of cringing through a majority of it. and i really liked 27 dresses. i mean, my roommate (and some of my super snobby prententious movie elitist friends) try to make me out to feel like 27 dresses is one of the worst movies ever. but i can relate. i can't relate to the he's just not that into you, while i can be uber girly sometimes, lately, i have had a hard time relating to the crazy. sorry. it makes me uncomfortable.

with that said... yes i'm still listening to girly rock. mostly because madly by t.pretty was in it, and i kind of *heart* that song.

anyhoo - life is kind of up in the air. i can't say that i know what i'm going to do, and i slightly enjoy it. sort of. i got extended another week at work, and then have jury duty after that. i think there's a vegas excursion in the works. my sister is coming back home - so that usually mean increased family time - which is good with the time off. then i'm really considering europe, and possibly asia. i like the idea of picking up and going. but reality sometimes sets in and i'm wondering just how plausible it all can be. with the current state of the economy and this recession we're in - in my own ignorant bubble sort of way, i can't say that i've really "felt" it. sure, i make less money, but that was a choice and a choice to take jobs that made me happy and to spread out. i don't think they were lower paying because of the economy - actually the position i'm in now supposedly is higher paying than it was last year. i'm actually saving money because i'm never home and eat at work always - so, i really am kind of living in a bubble. today i was talking to my father and realized that my 401k has decreased by 30-40%. that's kind of a lot. my dad shared some of his financial statistics to try and demonstrate that my loss is kind of how it is across the board, but seeing his not-so-success didn't make me feel much better. and it makes me think i shouldn't be squandering my money on things like vegas, europe, china, new dresses, and ... stuff. (not drugs.. promise...) that maybe i should try to find a really good paying job, even if it's not what i "want" to do, and so i can take care of myself, save up, and help my parents out/pay them back some. wow.. am i growing up?

not in the least.

haha.. i mean.. i don't know. watching this movie tonight - i probably laughed at all the inopportune moments, and thought 75% of the movie was dumb. does that mean i have issues? that i'm unfeeling? that i'm not being true to myself? that i'll end up alone? honestly, i don't know. here's to wondering what the future will bring - but i'm gonna have to say i hope i have at least some of this figured out by the time i'm 35. i think that's a good "need to have your shit together" age. hopefully earlier. i think i was aiming for 30 - but at this point, that seem premature.

funny enough i kind of have some ideas, but i never seem to have the means/aims to implement them. i guess that's what separates me from the bill gates/tom from myspace/ryan seacrest's of the world.

so while i feel like i need to find a career. i also think that some time off would be good to try and figure stuff out. or just learn and enjoy. i don't know. kind of dilemma - but not a terrible one.

and to leave you with - totally discrediting everything i said about me being non-girly. my super girly girl-rock lyrics:

Take time to realize,
That your worth is
Crashing down on in.
Take time to realize,
That I am on your side
Didn't I, didn't I tell you.

But I can't spell it out for you,
No, it's never gonna be that simple
But I can't spell it out for you

If you just realize what I've just realized,
Then we'd be perfect for each other
And we'll never find another
Just realized what I just realized
We'd never have to wonder if
We missed out on each other now...

colbie caillat, realize