my weekend has been busy, but not in the good way. i am so weird, i want to be busy, but when i'm busy, i don't want to do anything. maybe because i feel like i'm not being productive. i'm not busy because i'm making money, which in the eyes of my parents is the only other way to be productive other than cleaning the house, but exactly the opposite, working for free or going out and spending money that i don't have.

i have been in this hanging out with family mode, since my grandma is leaving soon and my sister is leaving for china/taiwan for a month on tuesday.. i feel like i have to spend every waking second with them. i love the fact that i'm going to stup's bridal shower tomorrow, but hate the fact that i'm missing out on lunch with the family. i think it's because we rarely do things as a family anymore, not as much as we used to when i was little, it just always seems like we're fighting about one thing or another, or just plain not talking to each other. but what can i do. i even have to spend my birthday "working" for free.. so i bet it'll be like that year i gave my dad money to go buy me a birthday cake and he didn't even do that because i had to go to a meeting so he decided not to bother with it. *sigh* maybe i do need therapy.

thursday i went to rehearsal and then when to my sister's office afterwards to work on my editing project, but what i had already done lacked any kind of good so i restarted.. but didn't quite know what to do, so i sat in the cold office by myself for a few hours, hungry, dinnerless and trying to figure it out. fun huh. friday i had lunch at the mall with my grandma and then came back to discover a newt hanging out by my mailbox.. i screamed and ran inside as it climbed inside the mailbox and i left the mail for my dad to get. later that night i was supposed to hang out with nicole, but i waited until she called and she thought i was going to meet her when she called and i was just a big sorry party pooper to drive to pasadena by myself and no one wanted to come with. so as i got into my sweats and got ready for bed benji called and wanted me to "show him and his friend a good time" not like that you perverts. but they gave me shit for being 21 years old and not going out because i was scared of what my mom would say, and i felt guilty for not inviting benji to go to knott's scary farm last sunday, and not going with him tonight, so they picked me up and we went to manhattan and hermosa. just hanging out with some mit nerds. :P i got home late and went to bed even later from reading my books from the concepcion library.. not a wise choice, but apparently i'm not that smart. so i went to rehearsal today.. tired and malnourished.. had some porridge rice for breakfast, mountain dew and half a bag of chips for lunch, and came home from the extra long rehearsal tired and hungry and alone. which was okay because then i could veg out in front of the tv without any guilt. i helped myself to a peanut butter and honey sandwich, after i very dissapointingly couldn't find the jam. my schedule has been so weird these past few days, and i don't think i've been eating right or at the right times.. but my stomach is not happy with me. nicole called and said she wanted to go home and shower before going out tonight, and it sucks because a few hours later i was too pooped to drive anywhere... i suck i know.. i am an AWFUL friend. i am sorry. :( but my parents finally came home, gave me money to go buy church's chicken for dinner, i took care of some stuff for the play and then my sister came home. i watched the yankees lose game one and talked to danny a little bit and he made me feel a little bit better about the job situation. joan and i went to go see pirates at the $3 theater because i knew this would be my only chance seeing as how tech is coming up and i would miss out on seeing it at the cheapy theaters just like legally blonde 2 and american wedding. damn. so we seized the chance except joan punched me for taking too long and missing the first few minutes of the movie. it was pretty good, i screamed a lot.. i have a fear of skeletons/half dead people along with my fear of clowns... it was like the bestest movie ever in the whole entire world like some people said, but probably becacuse other people had built it up so much that it could never be that great. but it was pretty good and i liked the music and i think i'm going to have a born again crush on johnny depp. :P