i am SO popular on myspace.. i get lovely messages from very nice boys all the time. no wonder so many people find great love through the internet. i'm certain i could meet "the one"... for example - a message from my new boyfriend on myspace.
Hi there, i'd like to be straight up honest with you, and want to level with you. My name is Josh, I'm a normal decent guy, currently I'm single, to be honest I've never been in a realtionship. I'm sure you're a very sweet nice woman as well, and you are VERY hot. You look very good. So I was wondering if we could exchange numbers and arrange sometime to get together and make love. Please consider I asked politely, and I promise to be faithful to you and willing to learn to pleasure you like no other.
You got to think, all women will refuse my offer, so you could be that one unique smart woman, that will avoid all these silly games, and just follow your natural human instincts.
Please Do not get offended by my message.
thank you,
MUAH
Josh. :)
i know.. you're jealous. too bad.
Thursday, April 20, 2006
through myspace i found out this guy that i went to middle school with died. don't flood my comment box with "i'm sorry"s because i didn't know him that well. i mean.. i did - i went to school with him for a few years.. all of middle school, maybe elementary. i don't really know - but at the same time i haven't talked to him - or most middle school people since then... 11 years. i do remember him though, probably have some pictures and yearbook messages somewhere, so it's always a little sad when someone you know (or knew) died.
and it's weird to be back in a world that have lost touch with, but it doesn't make it any less fond. it's also weird to remember all these people you knew, and know that because i went to cams everything changed for me, but not anyone else.. it's strange, surreal really. but enough about me.
RIP jeff daley.
Jeffrey Marcus Daley
On April 15, 2006, we lost our beloved Jeffrey in a tragic accident. A lifetime resident of Torrance, he was born on October 8, 1980. Jeffrey was loved by all who knew him, and was fortunate to have a great group of lifelong friends. Pursuing his long time dream of a career in law enforcement, he was studying criminal justice at El Camino College and was employed by the Southern California Gas Company. Always confident, Jeffrey could fix anything that was broken and break anything that was fixed. Jeffrey would never turn down a challenge; school, soccer, pool, motor sports, he loved them all. Last one at the card table and the first one at the finish line. His motto "I got this!" Jeffrey is the beloved son of Mike and Mary Kay Daley; devoted brother to Christopher and Colleen; and loving uncle to Riley. He leaves behind the love of his life, Heather Birken. He will always be in the hearts of grandparents, Michael R. O'Sullivan and Joyce Temple as well as numerous aunts, uncles and cousins. He recently lost his loving grandmother Mary Ann O'Sullivan; and great-grandmother, Nana Minnie Rooks. Viewing will be at Rice Mortuary, 5310 Torrance Blvd., Torrance on Friday, April 21, 2006 from 6:00pm - 9:00pm. A celebration of Jeffrey's life will be held at Hickory Park, 2850 W. 232nd Street, Torrance on Saturday, April 22, 2006 at 11:00am. Reception will follow. Please sign the guest book at www.dailybreeze.com/obits. To send the family a message, share a memory, or for directions to services, please go to the mortuary's website, here.
and it's weird to be back in a world that have lost touch with, but it doesn't make it any less fond. it's also weird to remember all these people you knew, and know that because i went to cams everything changed for me, but not anyone else.. it's strange, surreal really. but enough about me.
RIP jeff daley.
Jeffrey Marcus Daley
On April 15, 2006, we lost our beloved Jeffrey in a tragic accident. A lifetime resident of Torrance, he was born on October 8, 1980. Jeffrey was loved by all who knew him, and was fortunate to have a great group of lifelong friends. Pursuing his long time dream of a career in law enforcement, he was studying criminal justice at El Camino College and was employed by the Southern California Gas Company. Always confident, Jeffrey could fix anything that was broken and break anything that was fixed. Jeffrey would never turn down a challenge; school, soccer, pool, motor sports, he loved them all. Last one at the card table and the first one at the finish line. His motto "I got this!" Jeffrey is the beloved son of Mike and Mary Kay Daley; devoted brother to Christopher and Colleen; and loving uncle to Riley. He leaves behind the love of his life, Heather Birken. He will always be in the hearts of grandparents, Michael R. O'Sullivan and Joyce Temple as well as numerous aunts, uncles and cousins. He recently lost his loving grandmother Mary Ann O'Sullivan; and great-grandmother, Nana Minnie Rooks. Viewing will be at Rice Mortuary, 5310 Torrance Blvd., Torrance on Friday, April 21, 2006 from 6:00pm - 9:00pm. A celebration of Jeffrey's life will be held at Hickory Park, 2850 W. 232nd Street, Torrance on Saturday, April 22, 2006 at 11:00am. Reception will follow. Please sign the guest book at www.dailybreeze.com/obits. To send the family a message, share a memory, or for directions to services, please go to the mortuary's website, here.
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
although i hate the combining of celebrity couple names with a deep deep passion - i think the tagline of "the tomkitten has arrived" is kind of cute. JUST this once though.. that's it.
so yep.. tom cruise and katie holmes had a little girl (unless you believe all the rumors :P) - i bet it's pretty cute... they're both pretty cute. awww... the name strikes me as a little odd: suri. it's got persian or hebrew roots - but i don't think tom or katie are either... it sounds kind of asian.. ahhaha.. not like i can judge really - i guess it's better than apple or naming your kids "brandon and dylan" hahaha :)
cruise, holmes have baby girl named suri
so yep.. tom cruise and katie holmes had a little girl (unless you believe all the rumors :P) - i bet it's pretty cute... they're both pretty cute. awww... the name strikes me as a little odd: suri. it's got persian or hebrew roots - but i don't think tom or katie are either... it sounds kind of asian.. ahhaha.. not like i can judge really - i guess it's better than apple or naming your kids "brandon and dylan" hahaha :)
cruise, holmes have baby girl named suri
i was going to post some lyrics, but this trumped all - so thank nicole for sparing you from my "don't really have anything good to say, but want to keep people reading post" of song words that is either highly popular to show you "i'm cool" or indie to show you that "i'm cool" - either way.. i think you'll find this much better... enjoy!
(still lazy blogging though.. i know i know)
spaznik: i was about to call you earlier today
spaznik: i was going sheet shoppping
spaznik: and i couldnt decide between brown/beige ones
spaznik: or red ones
spaznik: i went with the red one
jeanyah: oooohh.. sexy
jeanyah: who's comin over?
spaznik: hahahah no one.
spaznik: myself.
spaznik: i also went to target and got those TSHIRT COTTON sheets.
spaznik: :)
jeanyah: ooh.. nice!
jeanyah: my sister bought me hello kitty sheets
spaznik: awwwww
spaznik: pretty!!
spaznik: i ended up getting this quilt cover
spaznik: choice 1
spaznik: it was between that and this choice 2
jeanyah: ooohh
jeanyah: the white looks very.. matrimonial
jeanyah: haha
jeanyah: red is incarnate
jeanyah: they might as well be leopard print
jeanyah: jk
spaznik: ahaahahhaha nah... it would clash with my cheetah skin rug.
jeanyah: oh that's right
jeanyah: i forgot
jeanyah: i haven't been to your room in so long
jeanyah: you've probably been cheating on me
spaznik: its still pink...
spaznik: i feel it gives a "charming" and "homey" feel that contrasts nicely with the whips and chains.
spaznik: ying and yang i say.
(still lazy blogging though.. i know i know)
spaznik: i was about to call you earlier today
spaznik: i was going sheet shoppping
spaznik: and i couldnt decide between brown/beige ones
spaznik: or red ones
spaznik: i went with the red one
jeanyah: oooohh.. sexy
jeanyah: who's comin over?
spaznik: hahahah no one.
spaznik: myself.
spaznik: i also went to target and got those TSHIRT COTTON sheets.
spaznik: :)
jeanyah: ooh.. nice!
jeanyah: my sister bought me hello kitty sheets
spaznik: awwwww
spaznik: pretty!!
spaznik: i ended up getting this quilt cover
spaznik: choice 1
spaznik: it was between that and this choice 2
jeanyah: ooohh
jeanyah: the white looks very.. matrimonial
jeanyah: haha
jeanyah: red is incarnate
jeanyah: they might as well be leopard print
jeanyah: jk
spaznik: ahaahahhaha nah... it would clash with my cheetah skin rug.
jeanyah: oh that's right
jeanyah: i forgot
jeanyah: i haven't been to your room in so long
jeanyah: you've probably been cheating on me
spaznik: its still pink...
spaznik: i feel it gives a "charming" and "homey" feel that contrasts nicely with the whips and chains.
spaznik: ying and yang i say.
Friday, April 14, 2006
i feel a little guilty.
i've been gone for 5 days and my mom took this time to do everything i asked her not to do. she doesn't want "my room" to be a "mess" so she is constantly asking to do my laundry, trying to organize my stuff and create little spaces for everything. sounds like a dream right? not so much. she bought all these containers and crates to create makeshift shelves and whatnot. when i first saw that she bought them i told her that i didn't want them. i left for 5 days and my room is all containered-up. things are organized not in a way that i put them - and it bothers me a little - just because... maybe i feel like i need to do my own thing. "well then you need to move out" you say? i'm working on it. but until the meantime i have to deal with this. arrrggghhh!! plus it's like i don't want to make anything too permanent, because then it will just be a bitch to dismantle when i leave. and i don't want to deal with it.
beth says that i'm not easygoing. i say that i am - well, maybe i'm not 100% easygoing in all areas - i guess i do like my stuff just the way that i like it. i've always liked they saying "there is method to this madness" (or something like that) - because although my room or the way i do things may seem chaotic - there is always a system or method - or at least usually. my room might be messy - but i remember where things are and where i left them (most of the time) - so when i try to find it and it's been rearranged or moved by someone else - i get a little irked. maybe it's a control issue and maybe i'm a control freak. (is there such a thing as an easygoing control freak?) i also hate that i ask her to please not do this, or say no when she asks me questions and then completely disregards me and does it anyways. i almost want to say "if you're so into organizing, do it to your own stuff! i'd never say that to her face, but my dad and sometimes my mom reads this so i guess it's as good as done.
i feel guilty because i know my mom isn't doing this to spite me and isn't mal-intentioned. i know she's doing it because she loves me and she thinks that this is the best way. it might be good - but i don't want this much clutter. i get aggitated easily lately in confined spaces with her (see previous post) and i throw my attitude around - sometimes i try harder than others to keep it in check - but it usually rears its ugly head. i honestly hate when people do the complete opposite of what i say i want when it concerns me and my stuff. if it's your life, then whatever.. you can listen to me, you can not. i may be offended or peeved, but it's not my life. my stuff - i like it the way i want it, hands off. my parents don't seem to get this concept. like tonight as i was leaving to go back to my sister's, my dad says that my back car window is dirty and proceeds to wipe it with the napkin in his pocket. i have told him time and time again to not do it because it puts ugly streaks on the window, and not that i car so much about car cleanliness, but the streaks irritate me when i'm driving. i got a bit agitated and maybe made my dad feel a little bit bad. but he does this time and time again, and it bothers me to no end that he is not even listening to me. i'm okay with suggestions, but overbearingness is a different issue. but i feel bad because there are a ton of other people who wish there were so lucky. i know my parents are great, but i feel guilty because it's so easy to get mad. not to say that i'm not justified sometimes, but i come from a background where you're supposed to respect your parents no matter what... not that i don't, but respect in a sit down, shut up and take it kind of way, and that i don't do so well. i talk back and fight - and i like that about me, but i don't like that part where it makes my parents feel bad.
the trick is next time i go away - to never come back... :P
i've been gone for 5 days and my mom took this time to do everything i asked her not to do. she doesn't want "my room" to be a "mess" so she is constantly asking to do my laundry, trying to organize my stuff and create little spaces for everything. sounds like a dream right? not so much. she bought all these containers and crates to create makeshift shelves and whatnot. when i first saw that she bought them i told her that i didn't want them. i left for 5 days and my room is all containered-up. things are organized not in a way that i put them - and it bothers me a little - just because... maybe i feel like i need to do my own thing. "well then you need to move out" you say? i'm working on it. but until the meantime i have to deal with this. arrrggghhh!! plus it's like i don't want to make anything too permanent, because then it will just be a bitch to dismantle when i leave. and i don't want to deal with it.
beth says that i'm not easygoing. i say that i am - well, maybe i'm not 100% easygoing in all areas - i guess i do like my stuff just the way that i like it. i've always liked they saying "there is method to this madness" (or something like that) - because although my room or the way i do things may seem chaotic - there is always a system or method - or at least usually. my room might be messy - but i remember where things are and where i left them (most of the time) - so when i try to find it and it's been rearranged or moved by someone else - i get a little irked. maybe it's a control issue and maybe i'm a control freak. (is there such a thing as an easygoing control freak?) i also hate that i ask her to please not do this, or say no when she asks me questions and then completely disregards me and does it anyways. i almost want to say "if you're so into organizing, do it to your own stuff! i'd never say that to her face, but my dad and sometimes my mom reads this so i guess it's as good as done.
i feel guilty because i know my mom isn't doing this to spite me and isn't mal-intentioned. i know she's doing it because she loves me and she thinks that this is the best way. it might be good - but i don't want this much clutter. i get aggitated easily lately in confined spaces with her (see previous post) and i throw my attitude around - sometimes i try harder than others to keep it in check - but it usually rears its ugly head. i honestly hate when people do the complete opposite of what i say i want when it concerns me and my stuff. if it's your life, then whatever.. you can listen to me, you can not. i may be offended or peeved, but it's not my life. my stuff - i like it the way i want it, hands off. my parents don't seem to get this concept. like tonight as i was leaving to go back to my sister's, my dad says that my back car window is dirty and proceeds to wipe it with the napkin in his pocket. i have told him time and time again to not do it because it puts ugly streaks on the window, and not that i car so much about car cleanliness, but the streaks irritate me when i'm driving. i got a bit agitated and maybe made my dad feel a little bit bad. but he does this time and time again, and it bothers me to no end that he is not even listening to me. i'm okay with suggestions, but overbearingness is a different issue. but i feel bad because there are a ton of other people who wish there were so lucky. i know my parents are great, but i feel guilty because it's so easy to get mad. not to say that i'm not justified sometimes, but i come from a background where you're supposed to respect your parents no matter what... not that i don't, but respect in a sit down, shut up and take it kind of way, and that i don't do so well. i talk back and fight - and i like that about me, but i don't like that part where it makes my parents feel bad.
the trick is next time i go away - to never come back... :P
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
today my dad told me that next time i better not come home, because everytime we just fight and so he doesn't want to see me. or something like that. i don't remember the exact words because i think i just tuned out after "don't come home" - granted it was after i made some snarky remark and i know he doesn't really mean it - but it doesn't make it hurt any less.
my mom is currently sitting in the garage downstairs because she is too pissed/angry/sad or other to come inside. i kind of don't care. and then i kind of feel guilty. and then i kind of feel glad.
today my retarded ass boss scheduled me for a game that i think got cancelled - but yet he didn't tell me about it. so i show up, freak out for a bit because i can't find what i need for the game and then get angry because i realize that i'm not supposed to be there at all. i cut my meeting short, i missed out on dinner with my sister and i missed out on costin's band playing because i was supposed to be "working". i am putting 3 hours on my time card that they'll pay me for even though i left. i'm pretty sure i'll get those hours because i really don't think they ever check - as long as you don't go overtime they don't really check the hours. i come home because i am supposed to be taking my mom up to my sister's so she can help out with jake. i have to drive my mom because she doesn't drive on the freeway, it will save my dad a trip and i am already down in the area. i don't mind really.. or i didn't at first. i call my mom to tell her that i am coming home earlier than expected but she says she still has stuff to do before she can go. i try to go to the gym but i realize i didn't bring any sneakers. so i have a fun conversation with beth on the phone in the parking lot and go on my merry way home. my mom is still doing stuff and i am suddenly super exhausted. i try and find things to entertain myself, but in the end i just decide to take a nap. later my mom comes and says she is ready and i just kind of lay there in my half asleep state thinking that 10 more minutes isn't going to matter. oh how much difference it makes.
my mom is asking my dad to put some stuff in the car and so i yell downstairs saying "don't put it in the trunk there isn't any room" and then i keep yelling for her because i have gotten no response and when i ask her if she heard me she says something to the effect of "who doesn't hear you when you yell" i wonder why she is being so rude and just brush it off as she's already pissed at my dad. i try to get a few more minutes of sleep and then i hear my parents yelling about yet another thing. i figure that i should just get the hell out of there as soon as i can and just stop the fighting. i go downstairs and my parents are fighting about the printer. my dad is frustrated because he can't get the printer to work with only the black color cartridge. he just says he wants to get a new one and my mom is arguing because she is saying he is wasteful and he just got the printer and it's not "junk" as my dad is calling it. i try to help my dad to get the printer to work and in the end he just ends up getting frustrated with me as well and tells me to leave. i start going out the door and realize that i still have to load all of my mom's stuff into the car. my mom is still yelling at my dad and i very annoyedly just tell her to stop. of course it's never a good idea to get in the middle of things, but yet i do it anyways. somewhere in the midst of all the yelling i tell her that she is unreasonable and that she needs to stop yelling. oh my mom loves that.. let me tell you. i walk out in a fit to put my stuff in the car and am coming back to get my mom's stuff. she has knocked over some boxes in a fit and starts complaining about how if i don't want to take her stuff and there's no room for it then maybe she'll just put it back in her room and maybe she just won't go to my sister's house. then i find out why she was so rude earlier. i realize she thinks i said that there is no room in the car and to not put her stuff in. i tell her that i said "'no room in the trunk' and that's why i asked if you had heard me" and so she proceeds to argue with me "you didn't say trunk"... somewhere along the lines she says "i didn't hear trunk .. SORRY" - but she's already too pissed to that we're not really communicating at this point. i am trying to explain to her, she's not listening to me, i can't get a complete sentence out and she just thinks i'm trying to be argumentative. my dad comes in and just grabs all her stuff in a fit and says he'll put it in the car - and i say i'll do it, so then we start fighting. my mom is still standing in the house and i'm somewhere in between the driveway and our house standing outside yelling and i'm sure all of our neighbors think we're looney. i finally get in the car - my mom is trying to say something, i'm trying to say something and nothing is really being heard. she's telling me how i shouldn't get into the middle of fights between her and my dad, and i am trying to tell her that she should listen more and not everything and everyone is against her - just like how i wasn't trying to say there is no room in the car for her stuff. she cuts me off and tells me that i'm currently yelling at her. and i say something about how i'm crying or something and then she cuts me off saying that i'm making it too hot for her because i'm defrosting the windows. i get angry and say how i was defrosting the windows and then she says "well if you're going to cry then i suggest you put on the emergency blinkers and stop on the side of the road and cry because the fog is in your eyes and not on the window." at that point i lose it. (this talk is not all in chronological order - but you get the jist). i think this whole fight started because as i was stomping out of my house i said something like "everything has to be done your way whether you are right or wrong" and she obviously gets angry when i make bold statements as such. i just ask her not to talk anymore because i am already sobbing and the conversation really goes nowhere. she says "see it has to be your way" i try to speed so i can get home faster and she's not having that either. in the end i guess we compromised. i wouldn't speed if she would just shut up.
i know i am not faultless in this. maybe i am an ineffective communicator. maybe i am spoiled. maybe i am selfish. maybe i am stubborn. maybe i am an awful child. sometimes i just want parents who don't fight all the time about every little thing. sometimes i just want parents who will support me - even if i'm making mistakes. sometimes i want them to tell me i'm doing a good thing - not because i asked but because they really believe it. sometimes i don't want to always have to be on the defensive and seem like i have to fight for everything. sometimes i just want some to believe me. sometimes i just want it to be easy.
i know that my parents are just doing what they think is right. i know i probably should be more "respectful" - or at least that's what they think. i know part of them thinks that they have failed because they have raised such an insolent daughter. and that hurts to think that they are dissapointed in what i've become - because i didn't think that i was all that bad - but yet they always manage to make me question it.
this is reason #2934821029 that i need to be on my own - so at least i can do a better job of ignoring it. when i am separate i guess less easily annoyed by the little things, when they're in my face everyday, i never want to come home. i know that this will be one of those moments when my parents are no longer around that i will regret and be sorry that i treated them that way. but it still doesn't make me less angry now. okay - maybe less angry, but still annoyed and still sad. i wish i could move far far away - like new york or something so i could just sever it completely. ignorance is bliss. but then again sometimes i wish i could just fix it - and i guess that's where i get myself in trouble. how do you fix something that irreparable?
my mom is currently sitting in the garage downstairs because she is too pissed/angry/sad or other to come inside. i kind of don't care. and then i kind of feel guilty. and then i kind of feel glad.
today my retarded ass boss scheduled me for a game that i think got cancelled - but yet he didn't tell me about it. so i show up, freak out for a bit because i can't find what i need for the game and then get angry because i realize that i'm not supposed to be there at all. i cut my meeting short, i missed out on dinner with my sister and i missed out on costin's band playing because i was supposed to be "working". i am putting 3 hours on my time card that they'll pay me for even though i left. i'm pretty sure i'll get those hours because i really don't think they ever check - as long as you don't go overtime they don't really check the hours. i come home because i am supposed to be taking my mom up to my sister's so she can help out with jake. i have to drive my mom because she doesn't drive on the freeway, it will save my dad a trip and i am already down in the area. i don't mind really.. or i didn't at first. i call my mom to tell her that i am coming home earlier than expected but she says she still has stuff to do before she can go. i try to go to the gym but i realize i didn't bring any sneakers. so i have a fun conversation with beth on the phone in the parking lot and go on my merry way home. my mom is still doing stuff and i am suddenly super exhausted. i try and find things to entertain myself, but in the end i just decide to take a nap. later my mom comes and says she is ready and i just kind of lay there in my half asleep state thinking that 10 more minutes isn't going to matter. oh how much difference it makes.
my mom is asking my dad to put some stuff in the car and so i yell downstairs saying "don't put it in the trunk there isn't any room" and then i keep yelling for her because i have gotten no response and when i ask her if she heard me she says something to the effect of "who doesn't hear you when you yell" i wonder why she is being so rude and just brush it off as she's already pissed at my dad. i try to get a few more minutes of sleep and then i hear my parents yelling about yet another thing. i figure that i should just get the hell out of there as soon as i can and just stop the fighting. i go downstairs and my parents are fighting about the printer. my dad is frustrated because he can't get the printer to work with only the black color cartridge. he just says he wants to get a new one and my mom is arguing because she is saying he is wasteful and he just got the printer and it's not "junk" as my dad is calling it. i try to help my dad to get the printer to work and in the end he just ends up getting frustrated with me as well and tells me to leave. i start going out the door and realize that i still have to load all of my mom's stuff into the car. my mom is still yelling at my dad and i very annoyedly just tell her to stop. of course it's never a good idea to get in the middle of things, but yet i do it anyways. somewhere in the midst of all the yelling i tell her that she is unreasonable and that she needs to stop yelling. oh my mom loves that.. let me tell you. i walk out in a fit to put my stuff in the car and am coming back to get my mom's stuff. she has knocked over some boxes in a fit and starts complaining about how if i don't want to take her stuff and there's no room for it then maybe she'll just put it back in her room and maybe she just won't go to my sister's house. then i find out why she was so rude earlier. i realize she thinks i said that there is no room in the car and to not put her stuff in. i tell her that i said "'no room in the trunk' and that's why i asked if you had heard me" and so she proceeds to argue with me "you didn't say trunk"... somewhere along the lines she says "i didn't hear trunk .. SORRY" - but she's already too pissed to that we're not really communicating at this point. i am trying to explain to her, she's not listening to me, i can't get a complete sentence out and she just thinks i'm trying to be argumentative. my dad comes in and just grabs all her stuff in a fit and says he'll put it in the car - and i say i'll do it, so then we start fighting. my mom is still standing in the house and i'm somewhere in between the driveway and our house standing outside yelling and i'm sure all of our neighbors think we're looney. i finally get in the car - my mom is trying to say something, i'm trying to say something and nothing is really being heard. she's telling me how i shouldn't get into the middle of fights between her and my dad, and i am trying to tell her that she should listen more and not everything and everyone is against her - just like how i wasn't trying to say there is no room in the car for her stuff. she cuts me off and tells me that i'm currently yelling at her. and i say something about how i'm crying or something and then she cuts me off saying that i'm making it too hot for her because i'm defrosting the windows. i get angry and say how i was defrosting the windows and then she says "well if you're going to cry then i suggest you put on the emergency blinkers and stop on the side of the road and cry because the fog is in your eyes and not on the window." at that point i lose it. (this talk is not all in chronological order - but you get the jist). i think this whole fight started because as i was stomping out of my house i said something like "everything has to be done your way whether you are right or wrong" and she obviously gets angry when i make bold statements as such. i just ask her not to talk anymore because i am already sobbing and the conversation really goes nowhere. she says "see it has to be your way" i try to speed so i can get home faster and she's not having that either. in the end i guess we compromised. i wouldn't speed if she would just shut up.
i know i am not faultless in this. maybe i am an ineffective communicator. maybe i am spoiled. maybe i am selfish. maybe i am stubborn. maybe i am an awful child. sometimes i just want parents who don't fight all the time about every little thing. sometimes i just want parents who will support me - even if i'm making mistakes. sometimes i want them to tell me i'm doing a good thing - not because i asked but because they really believe it. sometimes i don't want to always have to be on the defensive and seem like i have to fight for everything. sometimes i just want some to believe me. sometimes i just want it to be easy.
i know that my parents are just doing what they think is right. i know i probably should be more "respectful" - or at least that's what they think. i know part of them thinks that they have failed because they have raised such an insolent daughter. and that hurts to think that they are dissapointed in what i've become - because i didn't think that i was all that bad - but yet they always manage to make me question it.
this is reason #2934821029 that i need to be on my own - so at least i can do a better job of ignoring it. when i am separate i guess less easily annoyed by the little things, when they're in my face everyday, i never want to come home. i know that this will be one of those moments when my parents are no longer around that i will regret and be sorry that i treated them that way. but it still doesn't make me less angry now. okay - maybe less angry, but still annoyed and still sad. i wish i could move far far away - like new york or something so i could just sever it completely. ignorance is bliss. but then again sometimes i wish i could just fix it - and i guess that's where i get myself in trouble. how do you fix something that irreparable?
Monday, April 03, 2006
this morning when i woke up - despite the fact that i had gotten 7 hours of sleep or so i was still SO exhausted and dead tired. i attributed it to daylight savings and the fact that my body thought it was 7am when i woke up instead of 8am. i got some coffee and perked right up - almost giddy and kind of giggly.
the BEST part of daylight savings though - is that even though i've spent 10 hours here at work.. is that i can not believe it's 7pm already! time to go!! AND it's still light out. i think i had this exact same post last year during daylight savings - but honestly - i can not tell you how great it is. well i guess i just did - but i still don't think you GET it.
i'd write more - but i gotta go!!!
the BEST part of daylight savings though - is that even though i've spent 10 hours here at work.. is that i can not believe it's 7pm already! time to go!! AND it's still light out. i think i had this exact same post last year during daylight savings - but honestly - i can not tell you how great it is. well i guess i just did - but i still don't think you GET it.
i'd write more - but i gotta go!!!
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