nothing good ever happens after 2am

okay.. i'm not really getting into that much trouble. just sitting on the internet, and watching tv. althought it is 2:47am and i'm supposed to be in south central at 7am to draw out a mural, then going to work to make sure a lunch goes off as planned, and then maybe a birthday celebration or two, before i pass out and die. okay.. not die, but tomorrow might have to be a 5 shot espresso day. and dre's not going to be around to be there and partake. so i might have to abstain.

i don't know why i'm not sleeping... it's not like i got a ton of sleep in these past couple days. i mean.. not like i haven't been getting sleep, just not tons. i wake up tired, today my eyes were puffy - that wasn't fun. i think i'm allergic to my eye cream.

anyhoo.. i've been kind of antisocial lately. mostly at work, i think it's my new desk, i face a wall, i don't like to talk to people anymore, my computer is my friend... sort of, and ... people suck. haha. so to anyone i've been blowing off - mostly one or two in particular. i'm sorry. it's not you, it's me, there's just... nothing to say.

can i say something about change? right now, i'm really kind of inviting it into my life, or i'm wanting to. i want it to come, sweep me off my feet and take me away. how much i'm actually letting it in, is a different story. i'm not really a huge fan of change, unless i know the outcome. another thing i was thinking about tonight was change on behalf of someone else. it can be good, but it can also be bad. and it's weird that you let people affect your lives so much. and when you're willing to let people affect you, and when you're not. i guess it's all timing, it depends on how you feel at a certain moment, how much you're willing to take. i also wonder why you're so willing to let some people change you, but not others. or why let people change you at all? i guess that's not really my call to make, and i've probably most definitely done it a few times too. nothing drastic, most probably gradual, but hopefully almost always for the better. i still hate change.

i definitely let people affect me too much. i'm also kind of touchy sometimes, and also pretty stubborn. and have way too much pride. sometimes i think i trip over it sometimes. but in the end, that's a good thing right. sometimes i feel like i have to push myself out of my comfort zone. and then other times i think that if it's meant to be, it'll happen. is that a load of crap? it might be.

k.. i should probably try to get like 2.5 hours of sleep or something. tomorrow will be a good day... err.. today.

ps. JT... soo sexy. thank you HBO.