it was fun while it lasted...

i canceled my gap card today.. i really only signed up for it because i think i purchased a ton of stuff and wanted the discount (it might have actually been a year ago, shopping on the 3rd street promenade with courtney on 4th of july.) i really don't use it that much, and have saved a little bit here and there, but i apparently forgot to pay a bill in june (what? weird?) and then got $50+ of late fees. i got $25 (on month late fee) waived, but still had that extra fee and it just seemed like too much hassle for a card i didn't even use that much. plus.. i really shouldn't be buying more clothes anyways. it's kind of lame for a few reasons, because i'm sure i totally could have prevented it - like.. getting the bills sent to my apt instead of my parents' house. or when my dad told me about it on saturday, i could have checked it today before 5, not gotten the second $25 late fee (yea.. the due date was today), and got the previous waived, because they can only do one. right. my dad also told me he took care of it and paid it - although i think by "took care of it" means he sent out a check - which doesn't help me with the late fee business... either way.. i should have less cards. less things. i should simplify my life... (too bad i spend $117 on sheets and a duvet cover today. oops.)

i can't quite bring myself to cut up my gap card. it's so pretty. i have a hard time letting go. which is applicable to so many things in my life.

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so i'm kind of having a problem with people lately. more than usual. i was really content to spending a lot of time by myself. but then the "i can't say no when people ask me" side of me conflicts with that. anyways. a note to you. i am having issues with people being super judgmental. and/or hypocritical. or putting me down (or being hypocritical) in order to make themselves look better. number three may be tied to number one, but they could also be different. sure.. you're thinking to yourself, why would people do these things? these seem like awful traits. but sure enough, people do this. i can't say that i don't do these things, i try not to, and i think i do an okay job at it. but i've been noticing this kind of stuff lately EVERYWHERE. it's an.noy.ing. or maybe people just lie to themselves, so they think what they're saying is the truth. but as of late, i've been a little less patient with it. and it sucks, because it happens at work too. anyways.. there were a few instances where stuff happened, and i was just like "what? why? why do you say things like that?" and it's kind of becoming a little bit of a BIG problem. i honestly think that if you don't have anything to prove, you really don't have to go out of your way to try that hard to tell people how awesome you are. the unfortunate down side of it is that then other people will steam roll right over you. bleh.

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speaking of steamrolling - i've also been observing people when they get into "relationships." i say that with quotes because it doesn't even have to be official girlfriend/boyfriend type status. but just in relationship with someone else that ends up changing who you are, what you do, and how you act. it S.U.C.K.S. and to a certain degree, i kind of understand it - if it doesn't really affect you, but then to another degree, it makes me ill. i could be all bitter from topic written about above, but people like that - make me NEVER want to be in a relationship - unless i find that "one" - but that's really slim to none.. so... the future looks pretty bleek, people. shit, when did i become such a pessimist? i know i have to try harder, and compromise, and i feel like i have to put more effort when trying to find that "better half".. but i don't think i have it in me to do it. weird.

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nerdiness: ben's got me slightly excited because my computer is having a little woe. one of my slots that measures my ram is busted and doesn't read (which sucks because then i spent $90 on ram i don't really need and could have just spent $45) but anyways. he said that apple might just end up giving me a new computer because the computer's sold old, it might just be simpler to give me something new than fix this. but i don't want to get my hopes up, cuz i just realized my sister's harddrive crashed a few months ago, and they just fixed that up. but it also might be differing parts - but i can't believe they'd just hand me a new computer?! yikes.

another nerdy thing that's gotten me all excited...

look! in the calculator function, you flip it to the side and becomes a scientific calculator. OOH!! this is the function that most excited me when flipping through the new things that the iphone comes with. i know.. that makes me uber nerdy. but everything else is kind of just "better" technology. this is "special." i'm still waffling a little bit on the iphone only because i don't want to switch from verizon and their new plans are ex.pen.sive. i'm not sure if i want to pay $90 for my cell phone bill - even if it means i'll always have a map with me at all times. hmm.. i'm gonna have to think.

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i should probably head to bed soon.. i just wanted to why, cry, blog for a little bit. but this is bad. maybe i'd be less grump if i got more sleep.