since i've been back, there isn't a whole lot that has happened. i mean, there has, but nothing monumental. i've been job hunting a little, and i got this fortune (which i was going to post a picture, but now can't find... is that a bad sign?) that basically said that i should take some time for myself. i know that fortune cookies are kind of a crock, but part of me sort of believes in them. i was dining with ashley, and she got the fortune that was very fit for her. and sure it was a 50/50 chance that we would end up with those, but still...

so i've been applying to a few jobs a week, as of course required by my funemployment funds. and i don't mind THAT much, because i'd like to not totally become a huge sloth. i do need to be a little more productive, and that might take some of the guilt off of me being home all the time, so that's something i need to work on as well. but i'll come across some jobs that i don't "reaaaallly" want, but might be interesting to check out. do i apply to those too? for fun? although i think if i turn down a job, my funemployment might be "questioned" - and the fact that i have a really hard time saying no. and then there's the question of "what do i want to do?"... which is.. well.... I DON'T KNOW. that's probably my fundamental problem. so in the search for the elusive "what i want to do" there's a ton of "oh.. maybe that wouldn't be so bad", but then that's just a distraction! i need blinders? or do i just do that for now because the economy is bad and i should have a job. and maybe i'm not meant to stay in the entertainment industry, cuz, you know... there's a lot of other stuff out there. and do i want to move away from LA? that might be fun, living in new york would be awesome. but if i could get a job in norcal, should i do that instead? i know that settling shouldn't really be on the agenda, but i also know (or at least think) that i should be realistic and know that i'm not going to get everything that i want all at once.

so.. in conclusion.. i still don't know. i'm not sure that i will for awhile. and stuff that "seems cool" - always seems to stress me out. but i think i pinpointed some of that stress and possibly how to avoid it. it's the actually following through is the hard part. i found some jobs that i think would actually be really awesome if i got, but those are kind of a long shot, especially because i'd need to move to a different country for that to happen, and i think they give preference to citizens of that country... for obvious reasons. either way... fingers crossed. and until then... vacation :) (ish)