Sunday, April 26, 2009

The few days that I've been here in Taiwan, I think that I've learned that I can't live alone. I'm staying in a place with a friend of my sister's, and while he's really cool, I don't know him that well and he's not home a lot. So we don't have that rapport where I can call/text him and be like "What it do? Where you at? When you be home?" and know exactly what's going on, BUT I WANT TO. The necessary social person in me, is like "when is he coming home? I need another person to relate to" It's just one of those things where I am not all that comfortable by super silences and like to have shared experiences with a person. I was home by myself for a few hours and got a tad bit freaked out and maybe it's a mental thing. Knowing that I'm truly "alone" makes me anxious for someone else, as where when I'm "alone" at home where I know it's fleeting, I embrace the few hours that I have. And this test isn't totally without faults. I don't have my own job (or lack thereof!), friends, tv with dvr/video games/movies to occupy me so that my time by myself isn't away from those people, but rather just time all by my lonesome, not knowing when it's going to end (until my sister calls me the next day.) And then I start to wonder how I would survive in a different city/state where I truly don't know anyone, and it's not like a "oh I'll be home in a month where my 'real' friends are, so it's okay" kind of situation. I'd probably make friends like I'm hopefully going to inevitably do now. (hopefully people at a new job would be friends with me right?) I'd hopefully get my bearings straight and know how to make my way home coming back from the MRT station and not walk down the block until I realize that I'm going the wrong way. And the language barrier wouldn't be such an issue, thus making me feel a little less alone. But here, I hope for the most part that my accent and Chinese gets a little better from being around the native speakers and having it be a little less retarded foreign. haha. My sister is already laughing at me when I'm "practicing" what to say to the taxi drivers in order to get to destinations safely. It's okay.. I probably deserve it. If my mom keeps making fun of me because I can't differentiate four and ten (in Chinese), and I've never fixed it, I might deserve all the accentuation making fun of I've gotten by now. It's my Achilles heel.

Today was my nephew's first birthday party with all his friends! (followed by family dinner on his actual first birthday, Tuesday.) It was a pretty good time with stories, music, singing and stories, with a Chinese ritual thrown in and Mumuhug decorations, characters and cake! ooh! This is probably the "main" reason I came back, to celebrate his bday, but also to just hang with the fam. But I'm glad I could be here for this... it was fun. Then I went shopping with my cousin, ate some oyster noodle soup, ate some italian, and then played with the nephews some. Along with being addicted to the Flight Controller app/game on my sister's iphone. It's kind of terrible. The competition side of me wants so badly to be good enough to even come near her high score! I'm only about 50%.

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I wrote this a few days ago, but couldn't post it because my internet connection dropped out. I went home last night and it was really nice being by myself because I knew the "roomie" wouldn't be home for awhile. I was super exhausted (delayed on set jet lag) and it was nice to just chill, play flight control and chillax until it was time for bed and not need to talk to anyone. So I guess I'm back at square one on the "do I like being alone" thing.

My new high score on FC is 102... that's 3 off of my sister's score... that's gonna require some more practice.

Dinner for B's actual birthday tonight! And I'm hoping for some tomfoolery going on this week.

1 comment:

Beth said...

One cannot both "chill" and "chillax" at the same time. It is not possible due to gravity and the ozone layer. Perhaps things are different in Taiwan. Or perhaps you meant that you were literally "chilling" as in hanging out in an air conditioned place or inside an icebox or igloo, and thus whilst literally chilling, you were also chillaxing.

I'm just saying.