This is not really the first post back to re-emerge with - but I've been thinking about this one for awhile, so let's dance.

I recently have been spending a lot of time in the crazy place. (And I like how I say recently, like my whole life isn't really just that.) But it fits so well and so easy to call this place where I spend so much of my time. This may or may not be shocking to you, because, for the most part, I'm usually more normal and (I hope) logical than most. I give great advice, but suck at taking my own. I also do tend to dwell, over-analyze and over-think. This is something I'm really trying to do less of, but is hard. I've just been built that way. However, it's nice to know that the population of the crazy place isn't just one.

Does that make it okay? I'm not sure.

Another thing I've been thinking about lately: I don't know how effective feelings by committee are. I tend to ask a lot of questions, seek out a lot of advice, because I'm unsure of where to go and what to do. But everyone I ask only knows the situation from the story I tell. And I used to think that I tell really objective recounts, but maybe that's not true now either, because inevitably how you feel about the situation, and the details you notice that are important to you, affect the narration. I should probably stop asking other people to tell me how I should feel, or really even to ask them to validate how I'm feeling, and just figure it out for myself. I feel like I should stop being uber-sharey the second I feel sort of comfortable with someone. That's probably a bad thing to do.

There is a lot out there I have not experienced. I think that's why I ask so many questions, because I'd like someone to guide me and tell me where to go. Unfortunately, I'm slowly learning, it's probably a solo journey because no one can really tell me where I want to go in my life. People can tell me what to do, but I think I'm a firm believer that people need to learn their own lessons before they'll really make the change. Before I don't think I really understood why people made some of the decisions they made, said the things they did, or chose to behave a certain way. And as over-analytical as I can be - I guess it comes down to the crazy place. And this quiet desperation to get out of it. And the things that you do make you think that it'll help you out, but it only digs you deeper. So I may just need to stay in the crazy place until I learn to climb out on my own.

On a totally unrelated topic: I'm going to an orientation Saturday for a program where I learn how to sail tall ships, and then get to teach at-risk youth how to sail. I think it'll be fun, and I hope rewarding where I feel like I'm making a difference. I just have to add finding a big girl job to that and I'll be a happier camper. And then move on to sort above said shit out.

Back to related subjects:
and you
over think
always speak
cryptically
i should know
that you're no good for me