Oops

remember that blog where i said that i was going to blog more, and better? yea... EPIC fail. much like my very failed project 365, and i realized the other day that aside from mobile uploads - i didn't upload a single album/set of pictures to facebook in 2010. so weird.

i used to be SO good about organizing my pictures and posting and sharing them. back in the day, my imagestation was where it was at. now i find organizing and labeling photos so tasking, probably because a) i take so many freaking pictures, and b) i use my iphone so much, and then have to use iphoto, and iphoto SUCKS BALLS. (and not in the good way). now i take a ton of pictures, and if I don't upload them to facebook, most likely no one really sees them. why did i buy that flickr pro account?

anyways, this post wasn't intended to be about berating myself - however, if i'm not spending my time doing all these things - what AM i doing? sometimes i'm not quite sure.

recently i found out a friend i used to hang out with pretty frequently about 4 years ago, is engaged now, as well as another one of our friends in that group. i have two issues with this - and here we go:

1. the fact that at some point in time, he had told me that things were going "okay", but he didn't really "love" the girl. a year or so ago, they moved in together, and now they are engaged. i don't know if it's realistic of me to think that you "know" when a certain person in "the one", but i kind of feel like you do - a least a little. aside from that, when people tell me that they feel a certain way about their significant other, and then decide to take whatever step forward, i wonder if things evolved and that person became your one? or do people settle with comfortable? because the stigma the latter most question evokes in me makes me sad. or do i expect too much? should i realize things aren't perfect and lower my standards? or just get used to being alone?

2. segueing into my next topic: in the past 4 years my life has changed a lot in some aspects, like who i hang out with a lot, but NOT AT ALL in others like knowing what i want to do with my life, relationship status, and feeling more grown up. there are all these people that are engaged, married or having babies, and i sometimes don't feel like i'm any further along ("real life" wise) than when i graduated college. i mean... of course i recognize i'm not the same person, and that's a good thing. but i don't always feel like i'm someone who's going to turn 30 this year. but then again, are marriage and kids really define someone who's 30? i sometimes look at people's wedding pictures and think they just look like they're two kids playing dress up.

so i guess i wonder if i've taken large steps over the past few years equivalent to something like finding the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, and the answer is not really. i know it's not about comparing yourself to others (although that's not what i was taught as a chinese child!!) i'm pretty happy with my life the way it is - but i sometimes feel like i'm doing something wrong for not having the above, and not really trying harder to go after and get it more at this point in time. if i wanted to go find some schmuck to get married to, i think i could probably find a least one sucker. but i don't to settle or put forth the actual effort to find "the one" (if that even exists!), besides the fact that i don't think i'm genuinely ready to properly be concerned with someone else in my life right now. i can barely figure out life for myself! but i feel like i should be careful because i don't want to be the spinster that ends up all alone while all her friends have moved on. or am i just being silly worrying about that right now?