Today has been an interesting day. It's been a beautiful happy day to a day that's made me cry all within the same 24 hours. Really.. I didn't think that it was possible. But first off... because I know this is probably what everyone's talking about.. and I'll probably have something very undignified to say later on about it.. I'll do an umm.. before blog.

So Angelee IM'ed me today.. and this is how our conversation went-
Stbryangel: sucks that Michelle Kwan lost again huh?
jeanyah: dammit
jeanyah: i hate you
jeanyah: i taped it
jeanyah: and you just ruined it
Stbryangel: oh damn
Stbryangel: no i didn't
jeanyah: did you do this last time to me too?
Stbryangel: yeah, but only cause my dad did it first.
Stbryangel: just like he did this time.
Stbryangel: i didn't totally ruin it.
Stbryangel: you still have to watch it.

So anyways.. now I have to watch my taped Olympics, but knowing that I'll be dissapointed in the end. hmm.. sounds familiar, but then I opened up my webpage to blog and I saw this picture that says Hughes wins. so.. yeah.. ruined it even more. Ugh.. what's with this retarded 15 year old little twerps who come and topple the whole system. And what's scarier ... is that I had said awhile ago "dude.. that would suck if that girl was another Tara Lipinski and Michelle Kwan lost to her" what the hell? Maybe I jinxed it? I seem to be causing lots of trouble lately. ew.. what the hell.. I'll sure I'll be furiating when I actually watch the tape... watch out for my rantings when that comes around.

Anyways.. back to today.. god.. it must have been the world's longest day. Well.. except for that time I stayed up for like 36 hours, but it seemed like so much longer. I thought today was going to be quite enjoyable because I didn't have classes. But I stayed up until like 3am talking to Nicole about booty music (shake that ass bitch and let me see what you got!) hehe.. check out that link.. she quoted me in her blog.. yay! and Beth about bloggers and the people who read them. But anyways.. I then had to wake up at 6am for the GAG Kiwanis meeting because State was doing their takeover. I woke up around 6:20.. oops.. picked up Robin and Sakura, and drove on down there. They were serving some nasty corned beef hash that I couldn't even swallow, the Kiwanians adore it... but yet.. call it Alpo.. hmm.. interesting. Listened to the speeches, tried to convince people to go to convention, and schmoozed with the Kiwanians. Went to the Aquarium to make up for ditching it yesterday and called Kathryn to plan to meet her at the aquarium. It was really nice though that I went and had time to just walk my way through the aquarium leisurely. I would have been so stressed out if I had stayed yesterday. But yeah.. I looked at all the marine life and the tanks and did the worksheet (yes.. I am in 2nd grade again). hehe.. I finally got to see the aquarium that they broadcast on UCSD cable 24/7.. hehe.. live! whoo hoo! Anyways.. it made me really miss the aquarium and I thought about all my previous aspirations to be a marine biologist and work at Sea World. So many times I've given up things and not done things because I was too lazy? I'm so lame. But I thought about when I used to volunteer at Cabrillo and give tours to little kids.. and it was so fun, so I think I might do that again at Scripps, and I think that'd be great. After that I went down to the Children's Hospital to help out in the Miracle Mile of Quarters radiothon. I felt really bad because they had asked for Circle K help, and I really couldn't muster it up for them with all the different things going on, so I went down there. Also I think it was due to when I was driving home from the Aquarium, they had this little kid on the radio talking about his experience in the Children's Hospital and at the end he was like Thanks so much.. and it was so cute and totally made me feel like I should do my part. It was chill and I got some free food and drinks and got to sit in the "hot seat" where all the calls came in first. Took the calls, felt like a dork sometimes saying the greeting I had to say, but it was really cool how people chose to donate their money. This one radio station had this thing where they wanted to see who could be the first person to donate $1,000 and I got that call. Hehe.. it was pretty cool, and it was funny because people clapped for me, and would congratulate me .. but really.. all I did was pick up the phone. I mean... it's exciting.. but it's not like I persuaded them to do it.. cuz what are you going to say.. "umm.. I don't think you donating $144 is enough.. how about $1,000?" They'd probably hang up on me. But it was funny because when the next shift of Kiwanians came in, before I left we introduced ourselves and chatted a bit, and they were all like.. "oh you're the Circle K ltg? You're the one who got the $1,000!" and then they'd be all excited for me all over again. It was funny, and I asked how they knew and they were all like.. people talk.. about what? Me? why? They must have nothing better to talk about. Anyways... I was feeling really good after that.. sad that I wasn't able to get a whole big group to go, but hopeful that I could encourage other members to go based on my experience... *yay.. i got Chris to go! And Vivian and I are going back.. that's good right?* hopefully I can get Sakura and Jen to go. :) Anyways... so I came back home, and I was supposed to finish writing my speech that I had to make at the Kiwanis Sponsored Youth DCM, but I kind fell asleep.. oops. Anyways.. funny monkey called me and woke me up (thanks) and I finished writing most of my speech (also while freaking out about it, THANKS NICOLE for calming me down and helping me out) and sped down to the DCM. I was first up (great) and got to chit chat with the Key Club ltg a little bit. Both of the Div. 21 ltg's are great, and thus I got really kinda sad that I hadn't worked with them as much as I had hoped for when I first stepped into office (which seems like not so long ago). Like... how you make so many lofty plans and so many things you want to achieve, but because of one circumstance or another, they don't become realized. I know we could have done so much together if we had just talked more, and the Kiwanis LtG. Jeff seemed like a really witty guy (who is also a UCSD Alum yay!) who cares a lot about the service and the youth. It's like one of those people you can just tell. And while Jennifer made her speech it was much more lively, which made me feel quite boring and lame and dull, but I guess that's what college people are supposed to sound like eh? Well spoken? I don't know.. it's probably just that I'm lame. But I came home with a renewed sense of what I should have accomplished, and what I can do in the next couple weeks to try and make it better. Which is funny because yesterday I was all upset because it seemed like giving up was the only option. I came home, actually cooked myself (not microwaved) dinner and watch some television. I watched this Behind the Music VH1 special on Aaliyah.. it totally made me weep. Her friends were saying such great things and like... talking about how they had just seen her 2 hours and talked about how much they loved each other and how friends and family were always the most important. *sigh.. #1. And then I don't even know how it started but everything just seemed to snowball downwards much rapidly after that. I got into some conversations with people and did some thinking and while emailing I was thinking about how hard it is to motivate people who don't really give a rat's ass. Like.. trying to push a brick wall.. useless. It's a little unfair that I describe them like that.. but a lot of the times I really feel like no one is listening or doesn't care about what I have to say. Or like.. they'll do things that I say when it comes around, and if it never does... oh well. #2. Then funny monkey called me again to ask if I was doing my paper, and of course I wasn't.. and we talked about the pros and cons of doing two 5 page papers vs. doing one 10 page paper. And then that led to me being in a bad mood, my lack of faith in people, motivation, trust, friends, school, life, and of course.. boys. yikes... I know why she and I are such good friends. We also promised each other that we were going to keep each other in check... we weren't going to procrastinate, we were going to go to the library, read things and do our papers not at the last minute. And they were going to be kick ass research papers and a bag of chips! We needed some way to justify not half-assing it through yet another one of our papers. Anyways.. so that means I have 20 pages of writing to do in the next two weeks, all the research for it, plus all the readings and more papers for my other classes. YIKES.. I'm going to be a busy girl.. and not dilly dallying on non-important things.. so if I'm absent for awhile.. you'll know why. Unless I've killed myself from all the stress.. but we'll see. Anyways... after that, chit chatted some with Vivian and then some people online. Then got into other random discussions with many people about politics, integrity, friendship, my issues, my sensitivity, and the shittiness of certain situations. (And Ann reminded me again that Michelle Kwan didn't win... grrrr...) There's a lot of things that make me sad about how the world really is. And maybe sometimes my mom is right when she says that she protected me too much when I was little. I'm still really jaded in a lot of things and I still see so much good and get dissapointed when it's not really there. And what's even worse is that I still hope that deep down underneath, it's there, and set myself up for further dissapointment. Some people are really cynical about the way that things are, and I just haven't come to that point yet. I guess I can't really expect that things are going to work out for the best, and there will always be someone there to catch you when you fall. And I say this, but I wonder how people can really be like that. I don't know.. I have a million thoughts running through my head, plus class in six hours, a birthday dinner to go to, I'm probably going to go back to the radiothon, maybe winterfest to see fenixtx or go to Adam's show, and probably drive to LA. Then the DLSSP on Saturday, then possibly the CPP vs. UCSD bball game to see Novato and Cameron play, I'll see if anyone will come with. And then maybe driving back for Vivian's birthday party. But that will be a whole other drama in itself. But I think Kristen will really want me to be there for moral support, so I might just have to... we'll see how it all works out. I told Carrie that she needed to go, maybe I can still convince her. 21st birthdays are special... I don't care what any of y'all say. It's really not just another day... birthdays never are... they're a special day for you to celebrate you so indulge yourself. Heck.. god has the entire world celebrate his birthday. (no offense to anyone.. it was a joke). hehe.. you could be just like Taylor and turn 21 every year. Ü Heck I know when I turn 21 I want to do a big Vegas outing.. since I'll be the one of the last to be 21. And what's sadder is that Kristen and Amanda turn 21 right before I do, and I know that they're going to want to go out and party it up, and I'll be the only on who won't be able to celebrate Kristen's 21st... sadness. Anyways.. that's that. Sunday is the scrapbook making day at my house and then my DCM. mm which mean I'm also going to have to write a newseltter and put a lot of thought into what to talk about since it might be my last one. (*aww.. double sadness) hm.. we'll see how that goes and who shows up. I guess I don't know.. I just need to grow up. Or I don't know.. I don't know what the problem is, or how to fix it. Pete suggested therapy. Great.. that's just confirmation that I'm crazy. That I don't need.. it's like those things.. if I close my eyes and I can't see them, then they can't see me. If there's no doctor to tell me I'm wrong, then nothings wrong with me right? haha. I'm just giving you more reason to believe I'm delusional. But I should probably rest up.. it's gonna be a full couple of weeks. Wish me luck.