hmm.. so i haven't felt like blogging in awhile, but now that i feel like it, i don't know what to say. things have been kind of random and crazy in the past few weeks, and i've been super busy with all sorts of stuff. not as busy as during winter vacation, but a different kind of busy, because i have more school, cki and less work (whoa.. do i just say the same thing over and over again in all the "different" blogs?).. wow.. i'm lame.

last week was the same 'ol same 'ol. i went to my classes, did circle k stuff. i tried to register for my classes (whoa.. my last quarter.. sad!) but i didn't even know what classes to take. and a lot of the classes i want to take, you have to be approved for. how lame. but i really would i could get into singing for actors... that would rock. friday was valentine's day, and i stayed up all night doing homework and circle k stuff, then went to class, and then worked the basketball game. hey.. i figure if i have no big plans, i might as well make myself busy so that i don't have to think about it eh? the game was sad because the guys lost... but cameron told me they won on saturday against dominguez hills... so that is good, too bad i wasn't there to see it. Saturday was the fashion show. i don't want to say it was lame, because it was good for our first try. but it just sucked a little because hardly any of the members went (and we had no audience) and it was really short. i didn't even expect it to be as short as it was. but that's one of the drawbacks of ucsd... that we go to a nerdy school.. ahah.. where everyone needs to study, or they just go home on the weekends. and it's hard to draw people to an event where there is no drugs or booze. hahah.. jk. that night we went had a cki "social" shopping, dinner and a movie. it was a good time, except i skipped out early on the movie to go see angels in america, a play for my class. it was pretty good.. there was even a naked man!! (my virgin eyes!) and it was funny because one of the scenes we did in my acting class sophomore year was taken from angels... so it brought back memories...

after i got out of the play, i got this message from sakura saying how she was lost, and out of gas, and how she was going to die, and for me to call her back. i FREAKED OUT... and called her but she didn't answer.. (because i learned later her cell phone died). i promptly started calling everyone and their mother to try and find out where she is, and felt so retarded.. and then she called me and told me she got home okay.. but we laughed at how retarded i am. haha.. she came over and we hung out and watched sex in the city. yay. sunday was a super marathon day where we worked on the scrapbook, and i did MRP stuff. yikes.. it takes forever and a day. monday.. i had to work in the morning and i was SO tired after i came back.. i napped and then board meetings and budgets and agendas oh my. today is tuesday.. and it's just been class and circle k. whoo hoo. i came home and vegged because i was tired of dealing with people. people can be really dumb sometimes, and i hate the fact that some people can be so ignorant, and try to infect other people with their stupidity. ugh. so i watched 3 hours of sex in the city, the did tae-boxing.. (yeah i know.. billy blanks you love him) and then darrin's dance grooves.. hahaha.. yes.. we're bored individuals.

a few last things. at cki meetings, when i talk and ramble on and try to move through the agenda, i always feel so lame. like people are just sitting there listening to me talk with these pained expressions on their faces. i get no responses when i try to ask them questions, and i just feel stupid.. like why am i even trying. but i guess that's typical of most people who run meetings. meetings are just plain boring. or maybe it's just me. oh well.. only like six weeks left?

and... a week ago or so.. i went to friday's to get my reward for my seven hours of cki meetings. it was also a big excuse to "bump" into a certain person. because i am a huge lame retard and a loser.. and impossible as well. and so i did "bump" into that certain person. we chatted for a big.. hugged (which of course left me lingering) and in the end i got said person's cell phone number (i don't know if it's the right one though.. hahah). this should be seen as a great thing.. although i feel like it's just another opening to be shot down. needless to say i haven't called because i hate rejection, i'm super busy.. and really i don't know what i would say. i have it tacked up on my bulletin board just as a reminder that i have it.. like some sort of trophy for some small triumph. but i can't bring myself to do anything with it... because of my huge lack of self esteem. i don't even know why i'm posting this for the world to see, for all the 6 people who read this anyways. but i guess i just needed to.. i dunno.. be retarded. where i've been told i either need to do something about it, or move on.. i can't do either. because the rejection would be too hard to handle, and the possibility of something could always happen is exciting. and in my own weird loserish way, i justify it by thinking it's like having a crush on a movie star. something that's totally unattainable, but fun to joke about anyways. i don't know. i was walking this girl in my class, who's super cute.. and smart, and we were chatting about how she'd go to restaurants and always get things for free. and today, this other guy in our class was like.. "jean.. why don't you hook me up?" i laughed but he was totally serious. and i sat next to her as 5 more guys flocked around her. and then i just sit there, wallowing in my own self pity, wondering, how come i can't be one of those girls. haahaha. okay.. you should have stopped reading this like 35 lines ago.