*i haven't heard back from sea world... i'm kind of bummed.. maybe i should call? i don't know, but i always feel like it's too pushy. and also, if they want you, they call you. if they don't want you, they don't call... that's always how it is. booooooooo.

let's see.. it's february. yikes a new month.. and i didn't even turn around 3 times.. dammit!! but wow.. it's feb 8th already.. it seems like it's been going by so fast. i haven't been doing much, just a lot of class, and circle k. a little bit of work. but everything comibined is kicking my ass. on friday i was at school until 5am editing my video. i had class at 11 and got 4 measely hours of sleep and was sooooooooo dead all day. the day before i was at school until 1am, and the day before that i worked on my video for a few hours. so i swear it wasn't just because i was slacking. i came home this weekend, it's nice to get away sometimes... it's still the same 'ol same 'ol at home. but it was nice, my dad gave me this great big hug when i walked through the door. yay. i think i appreciate home a lot more now that i'm not home as often. but i do really need to find a job for after i graduate, because there's no way i could live at home again. i can't live the 12 year old life again.. but i'm not so sure if i'm ready to live the grown up life either. yikes. and one more thing.. i can't watch tv at home. haha..i feel so restricted when i have like 200+ channels at home, and here i only have like 7, it's hard to be entertained.

stup is engaged.. and at the same time where that seems surreal, it's not as surprising, just because they already live together, and all that jazz. i wonder if it's just starting, like the married life, and all my friends will start to become engaged. haha.. i feel like i'm so behind.. like.. i'm not even in that process. but 21 is super early to be engaged or married, or at least i think so. and my sister's not even engaged yet, and that makes me feel a little better. but.. sometimes i feel like i'm going to be a spinster for life. with my dogs.. or cats.. i haven't decided yet. that one got milk? commercial freaked me out. everyone tells me.. "don't worry.. it'll happen, and you'll find a good person" but like nicole says "how do you know? do you have a crystal ball? no? then SHUT UP" haha... but just a freaky thought i had.. my fortune cookie today said "have patience - it'll be worth it" or something like that. whoa..... and on another side note.. just to tell you how cracked horoscopes are... sometimes it seems like they're totally dead on.. and other times.. you spend your time searching for what they mean. but realize, that they're full of crap. hahha.. the past few days my email horoscope has been talking about partners and passionate embraces. yah.. not seeing any of that in my real life. too bad.

my stage management professor recommended me to be the production stage manager for this show in the new play festival. at the same time where's it's exciting and flattering to hear him say that he thinks i can do it, it also freaks me out to have that much responsibility (if i do it). like.. i've never done it before, what if i mess up? yikes.. i dunno. it's odd. but i might do it. and i compared it to being like the team manager... haha. if you can't be in a play, stage manage. although if you talk to my professor.. i never said those words. it's just in my case. because i suck.

speaking of things that suck... this whole cki vs. unofficial cki is dumb. and maybe you can say that i don't know enough, or that my opinion is biased.. but then again, so is everyone's. when it comes down to it... some members made a site about circle k. you can't really blame anyone for that. and maybe there's a lot of international and staff workings that i don't understand their reasoning behind it, but i think that it sucks that they're taking it so far. and that the site is down, and yet there's still this big hullabaloo. i also think part of it is because of who made the site, and that pretty much sucks too. people need to get over themselves. and that's definitely not just in this case, but in the whole overall picture of people. in the words of bring it on "shut up, you don't have it, you never will" (maybe if you were me or brianne it would be funnier) but anyways.. if someone wants to explain their side to me.. i'll be more than happy to listen. but the whole situation is dumb, and it's sad because i really enjoyed the site, and thought it could be useful, and i liked reading those posts... i'm a post reader. it's little stuff like this that makes you lose faith in things. like when you get bad service at a restaurant, you're not going to want to go there again. but it also makes me sad, because it also makes me realize you can't do anything to change it. it's this huge corporation type deal, and even if you want to make change, it seems like you can't. policy sucks..no matter where it's from. and yeah.. they're meant to keep things in order, which they do. but some of those policies are dumb and they need to shove it up their butts.

one more thing that sucks is people. haha and not the way you want them to either. but yeah.. i dunno.. i just can't believe that some people are so retarded, or so mean. and i dunno.. i consider myself a nice fun person (right? haha.. you wouldn't be reading my blogger if you hated me.. or maybe you would) but yet some people don't want to be my friends. loser. or not even that really, but like people who were my friends before, that just stop because of certain things that are not my fault. whatever.. i'm still a little bitter about that one. but with people in general, there is always a lot of backstabbing and rudeness in this world, that you really don't need to perpetuate it more. and maybe it's because you think you're better than someone else, you just want to go with the flow... but it sucks. but i guess that's life, and it happens, and you learn who your real friends are. they always told me that when you move off campus, you find out who your real friends are, the ones you make a real effort to hang out with, and the ones who make the effort back, because friendship is a two way thing. i think i need to learn early on who's not "worth it" to expend you energy on. but i dunno.. then maybe i would become the kind of people that i'm talking about if i did that. so i dunno.. which is worse, to try and be friends with everyone, or to be a snobby bitch. hhaha.. well when i say it like that. of course, i'm just rambling, and the whole world thinks i'm an idiot, but i also can't really give specific details for the whole world to read, because i'm not like that either. so.. whatever. in 10 years i'm sure none of this will matter, and i'll always wonder what happened to those people who i could never really keep in touch with, but hopefully i'll still have friends to converse with... or else that that would be a sad story.

and one more sad story.. casey told me that some grad student jumped off pacific hall at our school on friday. that's so sad that you can't really think of anything else besides that. you know? i can't imagine things really being that bad, but that's also because i'm a big weenie. i'd get to the top and just chicken out. i was never much of a risk-taker. but yeah....