so the only problem with not working is that i turn into a lazy blob.. and that i am broke. i didn't go to work because my parents and i got into a fight about what i'm really doing with my life, and they wanted me to find a "real" job (my mother wants me to work for the school district and my dad wants me to work for the city.. surprise surprise) and that the wages i was getting was not worth the time and gas and commute.. blah blah blah. i easily could have said no, but i don't know why i'm not resisting. i want to get a "real" job, but i also just wish it would land in my lap (doesn't everyone?) why couldn't i have been one of those people where my internships turned into job offers.. was it just the circumstances or the places i worked (as i liked to tell myself) or was it me, that was i wasn't good enough, a hard worker enough. *sigh* i don't know... but this finding a job thing sucks. i'm up to my ears in cover letters, resumes and "requirements" it makes me feel like i shouldn't have even bothered going to college.. i should have just started gaining experience. or like.. i should have just stuck it out at irvine and then at least i could have worked in LA or something crazy like that. damn me for not getting into UCLA or something like that... there are so many things that i would like to do over.. but then again would i have turned out the same way if i had gone to UCLA? would i have enjoyed it as much? UCLA is way more different than UCSD... but i guess i'll never know eh?

so basically that's what i did today.. sent out some resumes, emails, blah blah blah. all very uninteresting stuff. and i'm sure you don't want to hear my sob story because yours might just be the same. or at least with a ton of other people out there fighting for jobs. boo. yesterday was okay.. i watched eric pack up his stuff and move down to san diego... all my nostalgia washed over me. i don't know quite what it is about san diego that i love, maybe it's because i spent the last four years there, that i had so much freedom, that i had such free times. i feel like i know it better, where to go, what do to, because i guess i had the freedom to just let loose and hang out. here i feel so lost and don't know what there is to do - oh except for the union.. which sucks like a vacuum - NEVER going there again. thanks nicole. but a lot of times i feel like i want to move back down there, even though most of my friends are in LA.. it's so weird. i want to go back and eat $1 tacos, go to PB and go bar hopping, go work at Fox Rox, watch san diego tv.. go to the friday's that's open until 2am. work at ucsd athletic games. argh!! i need to learn to let go of things more easily.

afterwards i did laundry, attempted to clean, watched my girly dvd's that i bought and later went out to dinner with joan and jeff and the 'rents at cpk.

i saw pete's new "project" for his website and i'm in it. i feel so special.. this is even better than when he puts me in his away messages! i'm such a lucky girl.

and at the request of sakura.. here's a "better" version about our outing wednesday:
so the story begins the same.. we head of to mccormick and schmick's for our ucsd alumni "social" or at least that's what it was supposed to be. sakura picks me and carol up and we head off to el segundo and sakura takes the "scenic route" and pulls multiple u-turns getting us there :P we go in, decide we need to go to the bathroom and dilly dally going out to the social because we don't know what to expect. we go out there and get greeted by the president of the alum assoc. who looks like he's still in college and that his suit is too big for him. his hair is slicked back in an attempt to make him look older, but it just makes it worse. we sit down at an empty table, and unknowingly we've cornered ourselves off. so we just sit and the waitress asks if we want cocktails. so i don't know if it was the cheap asian in me, or the broke in me, but i ordered water.. and the waitress says "evian or peligrino" that right there should have tipped me off, but it didn't.. and we all ordered the same as the waitress made a crack at us "oh... water drinkers!" shoot.. what if we were really religious, or allergic to barley.. what a jerk. so anyways... we get our water and not until it comes in three tall bottles of evian that we're like.. "umm.. oh" so we sit there and drink our water, joke about how it's probably $5 each, laugh about how it's a social and if anyone were to come up to us and ask what we do we'd reply "nothing.", we laughed about how no one wanted to talk to us, about how we probably looked like we crashed the wrong party, and about how hungry we were. the food finally came and we went to grab some appetizers. sakura didn't want to be rude and grabbed like two items (because the girl in front of her didn't get anything), whereas i just grabbed one thing off each plate (it was so dark i couldn't see what was what.. so i thought i'd just sort it out later at the table) and carol followed suit. later sakura told us that she was shocked to see how much food we'd gotten, but bummed out because she was hungry and the platters were all empty when she wanted to go back for seconds. her bad. so we sat there for a little while longer, watched people walk in, look around for a place to sit and sit everyone except for with us. we watched the president go around to each table and chit chat with them, except for our table. so we just sat and laughed at ourselves, and probably everyone else. we joked more about the president and sakura joked about how she was going to flirt with him "so i noticed that you were standing over there looking at me," we joked about how young he was and how anyone could be president - i'm going to be president and sakura's going to be treasurer and we're going to do korean bbq's. (hah) later when we decided that we were hungry we asked the waitress for a menu. for the next 45 minutes or so we watched her flirt with the table of guys next to us who probably thought they were the coolest guys there and trying to get the waitress to drink with them and not bring us a menu. then she brought us a bill and it was like $12 (FOR WATER??!!) when she really didn't give us a choice for free water.. she tricked us.. punk. but that was partly our own faults as well, but she really wasn't a waitress, at least not to us, and we didn't get our menu, and she was stupid and mean, so i said no tip for her. sakura and carol felt bad, but i was in a ruthless mood.. i really did not like her. and then i was thinking that i wanted dessert, so i asked for a dessert menu, and of course she said she'd bring it, and of course never did. she did bring the guys at the next table two rounds of drinks. and as we were leaving the president said goodbye to us as he was hitting on one of my friends all while his voice was cracking. (i hope he doesn't read this) so all in all afterwards we went to chili's where we spent more money of food, and none on water and had semi-slow service and got offered special discounts by the guy at blockbuster "if we were nice" hah.

there sakura.. are you happy now?