apparently i give into pressure way too easily. and i think i make really hasty decisions. they usually end up okay... but i'm a big "what if" girl... which sucks. because what ifs are useless.

for the past 6 or 7 weeks i have been busting my ass to learn new stuff, hit the ground running and learn a new arena of job. it's been stressful, exhausting, and super busy, and i'm never home anymore and sometimes i want to cry or maim people. i felt like .. in the end i wouldn't do it again.. and that was my decision. there had been talks of opportunities of the afterwards, and you always think what your next step is gonna be... so in a sense - that's what got me through it. yesterday.. i got presented with the opportunity i wanted... the next step. but the next step is a lot earlier than i intended... and that means bailing on this project and leaving it behind. for 2 years all i ever wanted was to be on a show, be in production, and i did my stint, and now i'm leaving - but now i'm kind of amiss. i had less than 24 hours to make a decision, and while overall i made the right one, i wonder if i could have made a better choice, because you usually always can. i'm a little bummed that i won't be wrapping the show... so that i could say "i did that" or be able to fully celebrate the comradery and share in the torture/experience of enduring the completion of the task. i get my "life" back and my hours won't be as long and it won't be as agonizing.. but i also committed myself to a lengthy span of time.. and then when i'm a little older will i want to subject myself the pain of production again? maybe not. i know it's stupid of me to think "what if" and i can't really change it. things are in motion to make all the changes - so it seems silly of me to waffle now. it's not that i don't want to take the next step, but it would have been nice to be able to finish this step first. i know on a saturday or sunday when i don't have to go in.. i'll be a little thankful, or i might even say "aww.. i miss it"... but if i had stayed, on those saturdays and sundays i would have been cursing myself. i get three saturdays back, probably a few sundays, all of my weeknights, 3 less WSR's to worry about, 9 less client reviews to stress over... which all sound great to me, but looking back i realize more that it'd probably be pretty great to cross the finish line...

(funny enough - this is right above the post where i say how much i hate my job.. hahahah)