sorry no seattle post.. sometimes the more intense things that require more attention take me longer.. and i put off more.

soooo... just a few thoughts. hmm. well.. i guess just one that this is about.

did you ever see good luck chuck? where dane cook is "cursed" that the every girl he dates, she'll marry the next guy she dates. i've been feeling a little like that lately. sort of.. i mean without the actual dating part :P (does that make sense?) okay.. let me explain. the last 3 of 4 guys that i've liked are dating now. #2 and #3 are in really serious, now long term relationships. and they seem really invested and really happy. #4 might be on his way? who knows? #1.. i don't know too much about his personal life. i think he's dated a few girls, nothing super serious though. hmm. i mean. yea.. people move on, it happens, it's not a big deal. but these are also relationships that started pretty much while we were still hanging out, or while i still really liked them. i mean, yea, i know.. i don't let go of things well - but really sort of too close for comfort. i mean.. i never really actually dated any of these people, and #1 and #2 were really probably more crushes more on my part. but still. i don't know how to transition from "hanging out" to "relationship" or even "dating" really. i might be able to settle for that at first. haha.. but i guess it always seems like someone beats me to the punch, or guys move on or find something better? okay. not better.. but better for them? a lot of times i wonder if that's what they always wanted? or if it was mine to lose and i lost it because i was flippant or seemed like i was disinterested. it's seriously starting to be a pattern? really? ugh. not silent g-h. UGH.

i'm not really "upset" or crying over this (at least at the current moment). just a lot of reflection on patterns, and current events, and how they relate to the past. it's interesting. oddly, i'm the kind of person who likes to know everything.. good or bad. if someone's talking shit about, i wanna hear, i wanna know, even if so i can set things straight, or know what to change about myself so that people don't say such things. when things happen, i want to know all the backstory, your end, my end, events leading up, every single detail. i overanalyze, i think way too much, and then some. just a lot of looking into stuff, a lot of what ifs. i might not really ever know the actual truth. but i think (or at least i hope right?!) that when it's right it'll happen. i'll break out of my shell, or someone will recognize and match well with my quirkish habits. there's a lot of "wrong" tries out there, and it's not necessarily to go through all of them all the way, or you just need to recognize what's a wrong fit i guess. (is that my version of he's just not that into you?) hmm.. but it's always a little demoralizing to not get picked and you want to say "why not me?! i'm awesomer than that!" but if you know who you are, it's okay eh?

meh.

<3

i'm rockin!