So my parents wanted me to take this picture and send it to my sister so they could be like "look, we're eating thanksgiving dinner!". First of all, that's mean. And second, there's no turkey! My sister's right. I should have had my mom ask and make sure there was a turkey. But I didn't think I needed to. Who doesn't eat turkey on Thanksgiving??!! Apparently there was a turkey one year and no one ate it, so now they eat ham. FYI people: ham is for Christmas. If I leave now, I might be able to still make it to Hometown Buffet.

Don't replace one moron with Moron v 2.0 - workBFF

hilariously good advice that I received today...

so i really should be going to bed so i can wake up early and come right back here to work and do it all again... but i'm not. oops. i should know better, but i don't do it, and i'm about to fall asleep on this couch. would that be so horrible? i could "nap" on this couch at work, wake up and download some files, go home and brush my teeth and then drive to hollywood for the review. wow.. that just sounds sad. it's weird though - because when i get busy and work this much - i kind of get used to working so much, and not hanging out with people. so much so, that it seems overwhelming when i have to socialize. it's like those kids who get locked in closets. what is also dumb and weird is that every so often i realize that the world just goes on without me and get a little sad about it. i'm like "oh wow, you have this whole relationship and i have no idea what's going on." or "your sister came and visited and i just totally missed it." as i tend to dwell in the past, i've been thinking about how life has changed in the past few years. where i've lived, what i've done, what i've accomplished, who i've hung out with, and where i am now. there is no conclusion really, or point, i just spend a lot of time thinking about it. (is this what happens when you get closer to being older?!)

anyways.. the reason why i came to blog is because i just wanted to write about the day. as we are trying to deliver this show, (that we were supposed to deliver a few weeks ago), this week has been a little crazy. people are getting testy, high strung, a few arguments have ensued, sometimes strongly worded emails and flown across. funny enough, i don't think i've cried this week. a few times i've wanted to, but haven't. a few times i've yelled, walked around, swore words (i told myself to stop with the outbursts as work.. but i just can't help it), but haven't cried. maybe that's an accomplishment. maybe i'm building up this thick skin they say you need or something. today i:

1. left work at 3am, returned at 9:30am
2. bought a breakfast sandwich that i ate two bites of and didn't eat all day and just threw away. sad face.
3. got yelled at, twice, before noon.
4. witnessed my boss yell at the head of production, and then hang up on in the next conversation
5. got bay cities and then only ate half of that
6. downloaded over 5000 files in a few hours, i heart you Aspera.
7. had strong words with this line producer, and continued to gripe LOUDLY about her for a few hours. that probably wasn't so professional
8. figured out someone tried to tech fix something they never finaled... lame.
9. discussed with everyone how the man-in-charge keeps using this word incorrectly, but keeps saying it like he's so smart and no one wants to correct him. i offered up a dollar to anyone who told him he was using the word wrong.

despite all that, it hasn't been a "bad" day. maybe i've learned how to let things go easier, maybe i don't care anymore, maybe i'm done feeling. at least with this for now. okay fine.. that's not true. maybe i'm just trying not to be so boo hoo woe is me, because i've realized how annoying it is when other people talk about how much things suck, how much work they have to do, and just generally be so negative all the time. i'm trying to work on that... in the work context at least.

i'm really kind of sad right now. you want to know how many times i've had to re-organize the board at work? too many. like at least 4, which doesn't sound like a lot, but considering the amount of work that it takes to reorganize this board, it makes me sad. 1 of those times, i had to buy nicole and andrea dinner to have them come help me and it took the 3 of us 3 hours to get it done. that's 9 hours people. and then i organized it in a way that would make sense. make it easy. organized it by sequence (which it kind of like by vendor) and then by date so it was clear what was being done, and not a lot of reorganizing would have to be done in order to to keep it updated. everytime i do something, someone wants it done a different way. people who have no idea what it takes to keep it updated, or care. because it's not their problem. it's mine. and if that was my only problem, i would be less whiney. but it's not. sure. i could be reorganizing the board instead of blogging, but that's not going to me less sad, so here i am blogging. first i had it organized by sequence and by date. then someone stupid dumbass bright idea thinks it's better to do it by date first, then sequence. that's dandy, thanks. i had to updated and move it all around since the weeks have gone by. now i get to reorganize it so it's by vendor (pseudo sequence) and by reel. when i make a grumpy face because it's more hours spent doing mindless shit, my boss hands me a piece of paper saying, it's not hard, it's all on the paper, it's all right here. thanks. i know it's not hard. i'm not an idiot. i know how to follow a piece of paper, and i know exactly what you mean. it just sucks. that's what the face is about. and it's not just about the work, but the fact that they just think that this is my job. sure ... it is. but when i suggested bringing someone in to help out with "stuff"... this is the kind of stuff i meant. you want me to organize shot review, and keep people on track, review your change orders, submit weekly status reports, make sure people are on track, and do your shot board. and then you say things like "i don't need snacks" - but when it comes down to it and you want coffee, or lunch, because, yea.. you need to eat. who's gets to do that. me. you joke around and say things like "oh.. we should send the PA for a coffee run... oh wait" in an attempt to be funny, but it's also a subtle hint that you want coffee, and want me to go get it. i really want to say that i'm done with that shit. but i can't, because i care too much. i care that all the little shit is done right, that the big shit i have to do gets pushed to the side because it requires more time, and then someone does it before me. someone else says they're gonna order pizza. on more than two occasions you've said you were going to do it, and it never happened, because you got "busy" and there was no dinner. that's probably my fault too. i'm sad because i get pigeon holed into this category where my responsibilities are all the minute shit that isn't important to you - but yet when it comes down to it, i have to be responsible for the big stuff, i just never get any credit for it.

i think i'm going to take that other job, only because it's a change of pace. i think i'll be able to get away from the "admin" side of needing to take care of your crap and be responsible for my projects. maybe i'm too sensitive, or too paranoid, but it slightly makes me want to cry that i'm constantly feeling more under valued. when i was little, i would express this to my mom, and she's like, i'm not going to sugar coat things, and be all sweety and lovey dovey. and it's weird because when people are that way to me, i get really uncomfortable. but when i don't get it, i need it. yes, need. it's a fine line on the amount and the method though.

am i being paranoid and just looking for someone to blame when i think the other girl is sabotaging stuff to edge me out? is that just the business and i should accept it? i've been given a wrap date, and other girls i've heard is later than mine. i'd like to just leave a bunch of stuff for her to do, and then people can see how much i took care of, but then it will default into one of those things like "poor her, jean just left without doing all this stuff and other girl is the hero for getting it done" that's how people are. i don't get it. i need lessons on how to make myself look like a martyr without it looking like that's what i'm doing. or at least how to too my own horn without it being all .. look at me. i also need to learn how to respond in a manner that's not so "duh." it's weird because i feel like people ask me stupid questions, and so i respond with stupid answers. things that make sense to me, people might not get. so when they're asking questions, i need to be less argumentative and more agreeable. this part is hard, because i think too much, am over-opinionated and kind of outspoken. when i'm confirming or agreeing with people, i need to make it seem less like i'm shooting them down. that doesn't even sound like it makes sense, wtf. i need to find a way for people to take me seriously, and not just think i'm being naive or frivolous or young. i need my opinion to matter. yes, i'm an ego maniac, an attention whore, and a greedy jerk. that's basically what this entire post was about.

Japanese version of a wanted ad

this is my 900th post! whoa!

and it's dedicated to workBFF because we have the best conversations and inspires me to try an blog half as well as her. (yuk.. that was way too mushy)

me: did you go back to vote?
duckee: i voted absentee
me: gotcha
duckee: yah. it was fun, but not as fun. did you vote?
me: not yet.. i was supposed to go this morning, but my meeting got cancelled, and i had a call.
duckee: oh
me: so i'm gonna try to book it after our evening review to go vote
duckee: i kinda feel like lines will be shorter in the afternoon
me: yesterday they said that they were gonna make me got during lunch.. but THAT didn't happen
duckee: that's un-american. barack obama does not approve that message.
me: hahahah. dude.. how much does it suck that his grandmother died yesterday
duckee: i know, right. if he loses, he'll probably be epically depressed.
me: omg.. that would be the worst day ever.


me: should we go to this?
me: http://www.thrillist.com/LA2Year/
me: pro = free jameson
me: con = angry clowns
duckee: pro: photobooth
duckee: con: hollywood
me: yea.. that too
duckee: this is tough.
me: the clowns might be a deal breaker for me

Obama and Korean tofu with my mom

I haven't spent a lot of time researching the election, but I like
Obama. I think he's really charismatic. I get the warm fuzzies
thinking about the turnout and how much people care and it gives me
hope about the future, and people.

Obamanos!

Head under water
And they tell me... to breathe easy for a while
The breathing gets harder... even I know that
You made room for me but it's too soon to see
If I'm happy in your hands
I'm unusually... hard to hold on to
Blank stares at blank pages
No easy way to say this
You mean well, but you make this hard on me

I'm not gonna write you a love song
'Cause you asked for it
'Cause you need one, you see
I'm not gonna write you a love song
'Cause you tell me it's
Make or break in this
If you're on your way
I'm not gonna write you... to stay
If all you have is leaving I'm gonna need a better
Reason to write you... a love song today
Today, yeah

I learned the hard way
That they all say... things you want to hear
And my heavy heart... sinks deep down under you and
Your twisted words,
Your help just hurts
You are not what I thought you were
Hello... to high and dry
Convinced me to please you
Made me think that I need this too
I'm trying to let you hear me as I am

I'm not gonna write you a love song
'Cause you asked for it
'Cause you need one, you see
I'm not gonna write you a love song
'Cause you tell me it's
Make or break in this
If you're on your way
I'm not gonna write you to stay
If all you have is leaving I'm gonna need a better
Reason to write you... a love song today

Promise me... you'll leave the light on
To help me see... with daylight, my guide, gone
'Cause I believe there's a way... you can love me
Because I say
I won't write you a love song
'Cause you asked for it
'Cause you need one, you see
I'm not gonna write you a love song
'Cause you tell me it's make or break in this
Is that why you wanted a love song
'Cause you asked for it
'Cause you need one, you see

I'm not gonna write you a love song
'Cause you tell me it's make or break in this
If you're on your way
I'm not gonna write you... to stay
If your heart is nowhere in it
I don't want it for a minute
Babe, I'll walk the seven seas when I believe that
There's a reason to
Write you... a love song today

-sara bareilles, love song