The few days that I've been here in Taiwan, I think that I've learned that I can't live alone. I'm staying in a place with a friend of my sister's, and while he's really cool, I don't know him that well and he's not home a lot. So we don't have that rapport where I can call/text him and be like "What it do? Where you at? When you be home?" and know exactly what's going on, BUT I WANT TO. The necessary social person in me, is like "when is he coming home? I need another person to relate to" It's just one of those things where I am not all that comfortable by super silences and like to have shared experiences with a person. I was home by myself for a few hours and got a tad bit freaked out and maybe it's a mental thing. Knowing that I'm truly "alone" makes me anxious for someone else, as where when I'm "alone" at home where I know it's fleeting, I embrace the few hours that I have. And this test isn't totally without faults. I don't have my own job (or lack thereof!), friends, tv with dvr/video games/movies to occupy me so that my time by myself isn't away from those people, but rather just time all by my lonesome, not knowing when it's going to end (until my sister calls me the next day.) And then I start to wonder how I would survive in a different city/state where I truly don't know anyone, and it's not like a "oh I'll be home in a month where my 'real' friends are, so it's okay" kind of situation. I'd probably make friends like I'm hopefully going to inevitably do now. (hopefully people at a new job would be friends with me right?) I'd hopefully get my bearings straight and know how to make my way home coming back from the MRT station and not walk down the block until I realize that I'm going the wrong way. And the language barrier wouldn't be such an issue, thus making me feel a little less alone. But here, I hope for the most part that my accent and Chinese gets a little better from being around the native speakers and having it be a little less retarded foreign. haha. My sister is already laughing at me when I'm "practicing" what to say to the taxi drivers in order to get to destinations safely. It's okay.. I probably deserve it. If my mom keeps making fun of me because I can't differentiate four and ten (in Chinese), and I've never fixed it, I might deserve all the accentuation making fun of I've gotten by now. It's my Achilles heel.

Today was my nephew's first birthday party with all his friends! (followed by family dinner on his actual first birthday, Tuesday.) It was a pretty good time with stories, music, singing and stories, with a Chinese ritual thrown in and Mumuhug decorations, characters and cake! ooh! This is probably the "main" reason I came back, to celebrate his bday, but also to just hang with the fam. But I'm glad I could be here for this... it was fun. Then I went shopping with my cousin, ate some oyster noodle soup, ate some italian, and then played with the nephews some. Along with being addicted to the Flight Controller app/game on my sister's iphone. It's kind of terrible. The competition side of me wants so badly to be good enough to even come near her high score! I'm only about 50%.

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I wrote this a few days ago, but couldn't post it because my internet connection dropped out. I went home last night and it was really nice being by myself because I knew the "roomie" wouldn't be home for awhile. I was super exhausted (delayed on set jet lag) and it was nice to just chill, play flight control and chillax until it was time for bed and not need to talk to anyone. So I guess I'm back at square one on the "do I like being alone" thing.

My new high score on FC is 102... that's 3 off of my sister's score... that's gonna require some more practice.

Dinner for B's actual birthday tonight! And I'm hoping for some tomfoolery going on this week.

Taiwan: Day 1. I look kind of narcissistic and vain posting these, well.. if you don't know me. But for those of you that have seen me recently, I cut my hair. I wouldn't say chopped because it's not super short, but my hair was getting pretty long and the biggest real difference is that I have straight across bangs. I've been toying with the idea of these for awhile, but I didn't want to look like a china doll, or like I was in the 2nd grade again. But my sister's stylist is pretty awesome and cut my hair pretty well, even though I was a little frightened by the length as first. But I'm pretty okay with it. Hopefully when I wash and style myself I'll still be okay with the results.

Today was my first full day, and just spent the day with the sis and the fam doing various things, eating at some just okay places and another really yummy place, trying to get acclimated with streets and directions so I can attempt to get to and fro all by my lonesome (I know.... stop laughing... wish me luck!) and getting the hair wash and cut. I really enjoy getting my hair washed in Taiwan, it just always so much more comforting for some reason. I feel like since it's my first Saturday night, I should be out or something, but I'll save up for another weekend or so. I don't need to show up hungover to another birthday party.. :P Speaking of... Tomorrow is B's big one year bday party! Hopefully the mounds of screaming kids doesn't drive me too insane, but I think it'll be fun. I'm excited!

do you think this is enough clothing for taiwan? okay.. actually i jest. and in this picture, it doesn't even look that bad. there are many layers of clothing that you cannot see in this picture. i basically went through my whole closet and pulled out anything i may want to wear. so really, i should just chuck everything that's left in the closet... but not really. i mean.. some clothes just aren't "right" for taiwan, or the weather right now. so it's not fair to say that i should totally chuck everything. but my closet does need a good deep cleaning. maybe that will happen when i get back. it'd be a good time to go through and purge i think.

either or, i'm going to go visit my sister for a bit and i'm pretty dang excited to do so. this is the first trip i've taken to taiwan without a parental figure being there, so not that i think it'll be that much different, but it kind of is... a little. my mom is probably freaking out a little bit about it, saying i should call up all the cousins and have them hang out with me. "what mom? you don't want me just walking down to the local bar and meeting some new folks?" haha.. not that i would.. but it's just so funny how my mom comes up with these suggestions... like how i should call up relatives that i never ever talk to and say "hey! i'm here! let's hang!" she doesn't get how it's awkward i guess. like i tried to tell my boy cousin who's living in our house now that we should go out for his birthday, get dessert or something. at first he said yes, went downstairs and got a cup of milk and then a few minutes later said he had to study. maybe i bombarded him with too many questions like "what is your favorite dessert?" or "do you like cake or ice cream better" - but he just did not want to hang out with me or be taken out for his birthday. i mean, sometimes i feel bad because he's here without any "real" family, and that's probably tough... but if he wasn't so effing difficult, maybe it wouldn't be so hard. and he's not completely retarded, he has friends, and maybe even a girlfriend... so i don't get it! oh well.

i'm excited to hang with my sis and the nephews. i'm excited to try all the "new" places to eat, maybe i'll get to try taiwan's version of mexican food this time. i'm excited to experience a little bit of "normal life in taiwan" not just the truncated 2 week version whirlwind of it. i'm excited to see my relatives. i'm excited for the night markets! i'm excited to eat food off a cart where i don't have to wait 3hrs for a freaking taco, or run down the street while the besthotdogintheworld lady is running down the street. way back in 2005 i wrote down "things i want to do in Taiwan" and i think i've actually done all those things... except for that last thing which i still can't remember. and i did a fairly decent job of blogging - so many i can this time.

life is pretty much status quo though... here are the things i'll be sad to miss out on while i'm gone: keane concert, being darrell's +1 to a wedding, wii mario kart races with luke skywalker's son, ikea runs with andrea to outfit her new apartment, disneynature's earth, grilled cheese invitational, a few birthdays, the dry heat (i am so not looking forward to all the humidity!), and really all the fun and havoc caused on a regular basis. but i am excited to just... chill. and BUY LOTS OF CUTE STUFF. (whoa... excited.)

i should probably get to bed now.. for at least a little powernap before some last day errands. here is are a few last stories that i was going to blog about but never did, so short short updates:

*tuesday was free cone day @ ben and jerry's and i tried one sweet whirled. you MUST try it, it's like heaven in your mouth.

*i basically WRECKED my feet walking in heels in hollywood. after leaving a bar on sunset, we walked all the way up to hollywood blvd to get bacon wrapped hot dogs and then back down past sunset to get back to the house. i really really really could not walk, but in better judgment than the debacle where i took off my shoes on the wooden santa monica pier (who does that?!), i was convincingly not allowed to take my shoes off on the icky hollywood streets, which was probably a good idea since i had OPEN WOUNDS on the bottom of them. this i didn't discover until the next morning. i had trouble walking all day, it was a pitiful sight. i've made a surprisingly quick recovery, i guess feet skin grows pretty fast. i thought i'd be hobbling around taiwan for at least the first few days.

*attempted to have lunch with nicole & ashley @ open sesame grill in manhattan beach. that place is FANTASTIC. highly recommend it. but we didn't get to eat it that day because right after we put the order in, the power blew out. we didn't notice it, because we were sitting outside on another very lovely 90 degree day, but soon we hear massive sirens and lots of backed up traffic and heard that the whole plaza was out, and then some. my first thought was to loot the ice cream store, but we filled up on pita and hummus and got our drinks comped and promised to come back. (side note: ashley brought me open sesame for dinner tonight and it was so freaking good, i'm glad to have had the fix before i left) seriously... go now.

*oh! and go see EARTH in theatres btwn apr 22-28 and Disney will plant a tree for every ticket sold! buy a ticket for me too :)

since i've been back, there isn't a whole lot that has happened. i mean, there has, but nothing monumental. i've been job hunting a little, and i got this fortune (which i was going to post a picture, but now can't find... is that a bad sign?) that basically said that i should take some time for myself. i know that fortune cookies are kind of a crock, but part of me sort of believes in them. i was dining with ashley, and she got the fortune that was very fit for her. and sure it was a 50/50 chance that we would end up with those, but still...

so i've been applying to a few jobs a week, as of course required by my funemployment funds. and i don't mind THAT much, because i'd like to not totally become a huge sloth. i do need to be a little more productive, and that might take some of the guilt off of me being home all the time, so that's something i need to work on as well. but i'll come across some jobs that i don't "reaaaallly" want, but might be interesting to check out. do i apply to those too? for fun? although i think if i turn down a job, my funemployment might be "questioned" - and the fact that i have a really hard time saying no. and then there's the question of "what do i want to do?"... which is.. well.... I DON'T KNOW. that's probably my fundamental problem. so in the search for the elusive "what i want to do" there's a ton of "oh.. maybe that wouldn't be so bad", but then that's just a distraction! i need blinders? or do i just do that for now because the economy is bad and i should have a job. and maybe i'm not meant to stay in the entertainment industry, cuz, you know... there's a lot of other stuff out there. and do i want to move away from LA? that might be fun, living in new york would be awesome. but if i could get a job in norcal, should i do that instead? i know that settling shouldn't really be on the agenda, but i also know (or at least think) that i should be realistic and know that i'm not going to get everything that i want all at once.

so.. in conclusion.. i still don't know. i'm not sure that i will for awhile. and stuff that "seems cool" - always seems to stress me out. but i think i pinpointed some of that stress and possibly how to avoid it. it's the actually following through is the hard part. i found some jobs that i think would actually be really awesome if i got, but those are kind of a long shot, especially because i'd need to move to a different country for that to happen, and i think they give preference to citizens of that country... for obvious reasons. either way... fingers crossed. and until then... vacation :) (ish)

this gives me hope.