I am indecisive at it's BEST. This may not be a good example, but I keep going back and forth on this eHarmony.com thing. What eHarmony.com thing do you ask? Well, let me tell you.

For me, it all started out with a comment I heard during this Gap Born to Fit party where some internet friends were discussion eHarmony and one girl mentioned she met her husband there. They're huge internet people, makes sense for them to meet other people on the internet right? I didn't really think much of it. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against meeting people on the internet - I think it's just my intense fear of rejection that makes me hate it. I can be fun and quirky and great online, and for the most part, what you see is what you get. But to be totally honest, pictures you see of me online, they're all "good pictures of me" - not photoshopped or anything, but there are some really unflattering pictures that WILL NOT see the light of day. And some pictures are better than others, the ones where I'm holding my head at just the right angle, or the shadows make my legs look longer. Those are the ones I emphasize. Shut up, don't judge, you do it too.

So, not that I think that I'm a hobbit or anything, but I guess I fear that people have these images of what they want in their head, and maybe my online person doesn't match up to my real life person. I know that I'm not 100% happy with how I look, so there are definitely things that someone could be like "yea... not so much." OR the same would go for me if I met someone, and you know, I'd feel really terrible about saying.. "oh, nevermind" - I hate being mean. And it's not that I'm that vain or that superficial, but I can be. And maybe I don't want to have to admit it. But really, I think it's my crazy fear of failing.

Well that was an interesting sidenote. Okay. After that night, I didn't think much about eHarmony, a few jokes here and there, and then one day, a conversation about how 20% of people aren't matchable. Apparently it's true, a friend of a friend of a friend got an apologetic email saying that they had no matches for them at that time (sounds like an urban myth, but I'm pretty sure it's true). So, for shits and giggles, I took the test. And made everyone I know take it too. HAH. Now, we're getting matches and a few communication requests (except for D who had her account CLOSED.. HAH.. we think it was cuz of the "Your Mom" jokes... lame!) Sometimes I get really into it and read everyone profiles and other times I think that trying to find my soulmate is too much damn work. However, I can't answer anyone's communication requests because I'm not a full fledged member ie. paid member. Nor is it "free communication" weekend. You need to have another one of those eHarmony... This social experiment needs to be flushed out! Do you hear me?

I go back and forth on whether I am going to "do it" or not (totally unrelated to my previous post!) and it's a toss up. The other day I was totally adamant that I was going to delete my account because I'm not "ready" to meet my soulmate. That there are a lot of "me" things that I need to take care of first before I start trying to think of other people. And then there's part of me that thinks that it would be "interesting" to meet other people. I'm still not quite sure how I feel. It could be great alright, or it could be terrifying, or I could also end up sobbing on my couch with a carton of ice cream. I think I'm mostly in the terrifying category. Yes, I'm still 12 years old. I think that either I feel like I'm not ready, and that these other people are really vested and serious about it. Or I think that I want it to be more "natural" than that. It's nice to see that there's are "good guys" out there, and so then I'm like, I'll eventually meet one of them one day. But what if I don't, it's not like I regularly chat people up in the supermarket, and I honestly could have passed by at least one of these people in my life already. Actually one or two of these guys may even be people I used to work with (also another deathly fear of mine). So what if I let "the one" get away? I initially also didn't want to spend actual money on this, I exclaimed "it's $60!" and B says "yea, cuz you didn't just spend that the other night on alcohol?" Which is true. I spent $72 on jaegerbombs (because they didn't have carbombs)... And $32 dollars on toasted marshmallow/girlscout cookie/lambic on Monday night. I could have found a soulmate and a half by now.

So...

If only there was a way that we could all join together and see all of our matches and talk to them all for one price.

ps. how much would my parents die if I was like "hi, this is my boyfriend and I met him on the Internet"?

pps. On a TOTALLY unrelated topic - Rob Buckley is on One Tree Hill now? HILARIOUS.