i had been spending lots of family time with my nephews and while hanging out and playing mario galaxy, i like to observe them. their emotions are probably the simplest and truest state. they want to be loved, they want attention, they want to be the best. they can't completely comprehend why they can't have something, why they have to wait so long, or why they just can't have it their way. everything the older one is doing, the little one wants to do too. but the older one doesn't want to share or do they same thing, he wants to do his own thing. i wonder if that's how my sister and i behaved, all the time. me chasing her around, and her grabbing her things and running away from me. i know when we were older she absolutely hated it, and hated when my mother would tell her that she had to bring me places or share, like i'm telling my nephews now.

when i drive up to the house and the garage door opens and they see me, they have big smiles on their faces and run to me. it's one of the best feelings to be greeting like that. today when i was being stern in an attempt to make sure they aren't completely spoiled rotten, jake tells me that he can't wait to see his other relatives and doesn't care if he ever sees me again because they love him and are so nice to him. brat. but he's not getting what he wants, so why wouldn't he say that, right? how many times have i thought these things about people who are mean to me? on the prodding of my mom, he apologizes to me and moves on to what he wants me to do with him/for him. (already like a dude)

jake's got this really cool motorized jeep/truck thing that he loves riding around. he's pretty much the envy of the complex. he'll ride it down to the play area, park it, and play in the park. one day, some other boys (who one of them is actually kind of obnoxious), first wanted to ride on the swings, so was trying to find a way to distract him since we were swinging, and then walked over to his jeep and almost started touching it. who touches things that don't belong to you?! annoying little boys, that's who.

when jake and i walked over to the car, the obnoxious one, ran over to the swing and hopped on like he won some sort of prize. i almost knocked him off. (i get kind of protective of him vs. other kids in play areas - they're mean!) the other kid (obnoxious' friend) was still interested in the jeep and wanted to ride. jake graciously let him ride, and tried to show him how to use it, and turn it, and for being less than 4, jake has really good driving skills. this kid, who was much older, not so much. obnoxious kid called out his friends name mercilessly, only to have to walk over 2 minutes later because he knew his friend wasn't paying attention. he lost the "cool war" i tried to watch over three boys fight over getting to drive the jeep and trying to make sure they didn't wreck it and jake just stood by quietly watching.

he eventually picked up two long blades of plant and said they were his cool new toys (think imaginary nunchucks) and the older boys didn't really pay any attention to his blades of grass. clearly, they weren't as interested in playing with jake, as much as his toy, to which i told him to be wary of people who like you just for the things you have. i don't think he's gonna remember that right now, but i tried. the boys took turns riding the truck, racing around on bikes and jake went to go get his bike out. it's actually an older trike that i bought him when he was much much smaller and is one of those cute little old school red trikes, and not really meant for speed. so when another boy challenged him to a race jake on his trike vs. boy on foot and jake lost every time, he got really upset. he didn't want to play anymore, pretty much hated his trike (which made me even more sad cuz i bought him that bike!) stood off by himself, and when i came to find him, he told me to leave him alone. i felt terrible knowing that i was partially responsible. i had never really seem him so sad, because usually when he gets emotionally it's because he's tired. this was not the case. it's terrible to feel like you're left behind or not as good or to lose (everyone hates that!) but this was different than him just wanting to win. i just explained that this bike was one that i bought for him when he was little, his taiwan bike is way fast but just not here, and he could run the pants off that other little boy anyway.

after that, he bounced back, we re-joined the boys for a little bit, who were still being obnoxious and when jake went back to the house to grab his chalk, but i thought he was done playing, i made the boys put the bike away and then jake and i just ended up doodling on the sidewalk. i really think he was going to get his chalk and come share it with those kids, which i'm sure they totally would have abused. it was probably uber protective of me to just play by ourselves, but i guess i worry for jake assimilating with these kids because they're obviously rude. but did he just want to be liked? wanted to be nice? wanted to be cool? jake is great at being nice, i learned this that day too. some smaller babies in stroller dropped their stuffed animal on the ground and he didn't hesitate to pick it up for them. so i feel like because he's learned to be mostly gracious, that he could get taken advantage of. especially with rude little boys (and girls! there are some pushy ones out there!) but when i was little, i played with my neighbors, it was mostly fun, there were some not so nice moments, and i survived right? hopefully with jake and brandon it won't be any different, they're just a lot younger where i can't remember how i felt at that age and it's just something you have to learn with time. i hope it's just not that kids are meaner in 2009!