so another holiday has come and gone, and sadly.. my christmas vacation is half over. boo. i need a break from life.. you would think three weeks would be enough to re-coup and get ready for classes, but not so much when you're working tons. *sigh* i know.. i do it to myself.. but i don't know. and i was so sure i was going to quit and devote more time to cki and school, but now i'm not so sure about it anymore. yeesh. why am i so wishy washy?

so anyways.. just have been working a whole lot... at the gap and at school. next week will be a busy week cuz i have basketball tournaments, doubleheaders, a swim meet and like 35 hours at the gap... it was 40 but i had to do a little rearranging to make it all work. funny funny.. andy works at the gap in mission valley.. and she called our store to do a stock check.. and it was weird because i thought it was her, but just dismissed it so i didn't sound like an ass, but it was her. everyone works at the gap now.. pity us.

i drove home christmas eve and spent the next few days at with my family, my cousin and her fiancee, and had dessert with sakura. we went to friday's, but i swear.. it's not the same as the one in la jolla.. i wonder why ;) just kidding. but seriously.. the chocolate rush was not nearly as good as i've had it before. weird huh? even sakura said so.. so it's not just me and my bias. tomorrow i have to drive back to sd to work at noon. i was going to drive back tonight.. but ended up not really doing it because.. i don't know.. so many reasons. today i returned some stuff... (yes pete.. i returned stuff the day after christmas). it wasn't that bad.. i really actually like the mall.. it's amusing to see all the rude customers and gloating in the fact that i'm not working. hahahah. jk. but it's nice to be in the hustle and bustle of it all. i watched antwone fisher with joan, karen and ben. we all cried towards the end. and today watched 8 mile at the $3 theater with joan. both the movies were okay.. sometimes slow at points... but aren't super horrible or anything. i swear.. eminem looks like justin timberlake.. there's a slight resemblance.. both me and joan thought so while watching the movie. but i do see val's point about him being fine. i kept laughing to myself because i could hear her voice in my head. but also because there were so many ghetto people in the theater... the galleria is crazy. kind of glad i didn't have to deal with it this year.

so that is my christmas.. i ran in to ali and him mom twice today.. he was following me. haha.. i got the new christina cd. and for christmas got some stuff and the harry potter books i wanted. yes.. i'm really actually going to read. i've only been in torrance for two days.. but still really haven't seen anyone besides the family except for sakura. i guess everyone just resigned to the fact that i was in sd and just forgot about me. sad. but i did get a christmas card from my history teacher in high school, which included a picture of her sons. i'm glad she still thinks about me.. that was exciting.. i need to send out my christmas cards. hehe.. even if they are late. oops. oki dokes.. time for bed.. i have to pack and leave in the morning. hope christmas was well kiddies.

merry christmas peoples!!

whoa.. i don't really know what to say.. but i feel like i have to blog, just because i haven't in awhile. or maybe i just don't know what i'm saying because i'm not all here right now. hmm.. i've just been working tons this week... at the gap and at school for ICA. it's been a good time, but i'm just wicked busy. i went shopping with jill last weekend. worked all week. went home for my mom's bday.. it was a good time.. our whole family hung out and laughed.. not really any fighting.. which is awesome. :) i also got to play with sakura for a little bit in Torrance.. yay!!! and then i came back to work swimming today and then went to jason's vip party at margarita rocks. it was cool.. just sitting and chatting and drinking, a little bit of dancing but not enough. sucky. oh well. maybe next time? hmm.. gotta get up for work early tomorrow.. boo. today's jackie's bday.. and i didn't get to go out with her. she called the house after i had left, which is too bad. sucks for that too. i really did want to go out to dinner with her. and celebrate her bday with her and all that good stuff. this week i'm sure i have to work lots, haven't gotten my schedule but i think it's 40 hours. get to go home for christmas and the day after.. good times. and then who knows. my life is pretty boring.. no big hoopla.. just me and my computer.

but i still do think that i'm doomed to be the purseholder for life. boo.

so i'm done with school.. it's pretty exciting.. but then also boring at the same time. now i feel as if my life has no purpose. wow.. what a loser huh? i'm in a way blah mood right right now.. i'm pretty restless, and don't want to go to sleep, but don't really want to do anything else.. and it's 4am. geez. there are a million things going through my head, and i'm just trying to think about them all, but it seems like they don't have an answer. although jackie always says you always have a choice, sometimes i feel like you just don't. but then i guess it's my choice to do nothing at all right.. another one of those questions i can't really answer. maybe these three weeks of working and not trying to be too busy will be good, but in that boring depressing i have no life or friends kind of way. we'll see.

in other news:
* i'm done done with finals, and i think it did alright.. we'll see how those grades turn out though because i was not doing so hot during the quarter due to the general lack of busy-ness. my sound project turned out excellently, and if any of you ever want to listen to my project that i slaved over and poured my heart into... feel free to ask. it's about 9/11 and it's called "a day in the life".. but it's not cheesy.. but actually really good.. suprisingly.. cuz i did it right?

*i ate 50% off sushi (yum), hung out a bit with justin, and then baked cookies with kimmy and then watched dawson's ... i want an eddie. audrey is a ho.

*played in the gap with sakura and kathy and then went out to "done with finals" dinner with jill and jason. then went to pete's show and after-show hang out dealio. i got to use Aran's camera to help him tape the show and became an "honorary Crispy".. i have to come up with a coolio name. and no matter what they say i think pete and isaac sounded real good, and pete played this cover of this john mayer song that i really adore, so i was real happy during that song. it was chill.. except i got WAY lost on the way to the show due to bad directions from the coffee bean & tea leaf website. for some reason i'm retarded and ended up in a gated community on top of a large hill when i was supposed to be at a coffee shop in mira mesa. apparently "didn't all the signs that say poway give you a hint" wasn't something i considered, since i thought maybe you could go through poway to get to mira mesa. thus proving i know nothing about where anything is in san diego.. even after 4 years. i am LAME.

*i get to work women's basketball this weekend, which is fun, i like basketball.. i like my athletics job. i'm excited for tuesday for the men's game to see michael and cameron play. i miss living on campus two doors down from them. and i'm working 36.5 hours next week on top of the three athletic events and driving home to see my mom for her birthday. yay home. but it sounds like i will be a busy girl.

*one last thing.. for some reason, some how.. i don't feel like it's christmas. i listen to the christmas music at work, see the red bags and boxes that gap especially made for the holidays, and watch people buy gifts all day long, but yet i still feel as christmas is so far away. i feel like i lost that christmas spirit or something.. i don't know. i'm still buying presents for people when i see fit, and see something they like.. but i'm not all excited because christmas is 12 days away... it doesn't even seem like it's december. weird huh? is it just me?

i am breathing one huge sigh of relief tonight. i'm not officially done with finals, but i am done with a huge portion of it. and it feels great. i've been at scholl until 4, 5, 6am for the past three days, and i'm finally done with that project. *whew* and i had my 10 page paper due, and was kind of freaking out this morning cuz i fell asleep and woke up late and had like 8 hours do my paper.. but i got it done rather easily.. so that was exciting. it was a little late, but i still got to turn it in.. so it's all good. i had that great feeling and blasted my justin timberlake album at full volume in my apartment (i'm sure the neighbors loved that)... until i got a call from maurene saying our sound project wasn't done. ugh.. that just sucked. so i went back to school to work on dithering the master fader and adding auxilary tracks. yeah.. what the hell does that mean anyways? but it's done and i don't give a shit anymore... hahaha this is one of our funny conversations between maurene and i at 4am in the lab.

maurene: so we have to name our project
jean: oh shit... well what should we name it?
*we think of many cheesy titles... 10 minutes later*
jean: how about "the best project in the class" so that when giovanna announces it she can say "you're listening to 'the best project in the class'"
maurene: haha.. how about "give me an A+ bitch"
jean: or "my project is better than yours"
maurene: no no no, it should be "you're listening to 'beat this assholes!'"

i love that girl maurene, so is so funny and great. i'm really glad that i got to work with her, she motivated me to do better, or for sure my project would not have turned out as well as it did. :) cuz she's not a slacker.. unlike me. haahaha. hmm.. so i'm DONE with the sound project, i'm DONE with my ten page paper. all that's left is my 2 page self evaluation, and to contribute to editing the documentary.. but those are fun and low key assignments. i might go see Bowling for Columbine, as that last ditch extra credit effort. and i have to go to a final screening tonight and tomorrow night.. but hey.. i sit around for three hours and listen to our gay ass projects.. i'm sooooo relieved because the hard stuff is over. yay. one more quarter survived. :)

in other notes.. we went to friday's for a celebratory dessert/snack thing (yeah at 1am.. great). hahaha.. there's a new friday's waiter interest developing (not me).. but it's ironic nonetheless. yikes... we're in trouble. oh yeah.. there's a duplex in la jolla that is empty that is across the driveway from our friends. it seems interesting.. i really do miss living in la jolla, i'd almost pack and move for it. that's kind of exciting, and my dad always keeps telling me to live closer to school, and in a nicer area. :) but i don't know if it's really plausible, or a reality.. but hey.. it's worth looking into right? and i could live next to the hot trader joe's guy. hahahahha. i'm retarded.

so it's 5:25am on Monday, and i'm blogging from school... why? because i'm still here after three hellish nights of editing in the sound lab.. and i'm still not done. finals are ass raping me.. and i still have a paper to write (which i haven't even interviewed any of my subjects yet) and some documentary i'm supposed to help, except they don't want any.. so my participation evaluation will look something like "i didn't do anything.. i suck." yeah.. basically.. i hate finals.

well it's the end of 10th week, which means the end of my fall classes... ever!! wow.. my last fall quarter.. kind of scary. i don't really know what i'll be doing in a year.. hopefully something good, somewhere good, with someone good.. haha jk. but yeah.. and it just seems so blah.. like i feel like there should be more excitement or fanfare.. but there's not... and it's just me.. sitting alone in my apt... watching tv while the apartment below me has a party.

wednesday had class and then a 4 hour circle k meeting.. joy, oh joy. thursday i worked and then went to the computer lab to work on my sound project. it was kind of cool to edit the sounds on the computer.. i felt all pro, or like i was smart or something... and stayed until 11:30pm or so until i decided that i needed to go home to sleep so that i could get up for work.. today!! was at work for 9 hours.. and was completely pooped. dude.. never go grocery shopping when you're tired because all i bought were easy foods... i bought all frozen dinners.. those Ralphs people must think i'm so lazy. dah.. who cares.

i should really be studying for finals or writing my paper or something... my documentary class.. i'm a little worried... because part of my grade is participation in the projects.. but these two people i'm helping don't want help.. so what am i supposed to do? and then when i write my self evaluation.. haha.. what do i say? oh well.. i'm sure the teacher understands.. or at least i hope she will. i've given up on trying to get good grades. hahah.. is that bad? i came home so pooped that i put my ice cream in the fridge (yeah.. the fridge) and then just watched tv all night. i *heart* harry potter... i swear i've watched that movie like 4 times this week.. it's the best. :) nicole and i want to go to hogwarts, and i want to be on the quidditch team.. i think that would rock. so.. i also watched sex in the city and then an hour of elimidate (among many other things). but the reason i mention elimidate is because.. i don't know... it's something i've been thinking about a lot lately.. and i was watching these shows.. and i also hope that the guy will do the right thing and pick the good girl, and not just go for the ho. but time and time again it never fails, whichever girl throws herself at him.. he'll pick. which.. i dunno.. by now shouldn't suprise me, but still does. like is that what you really have to do to get someone to like you? make out with them, and then other girls on his command? and then stick your hand down his pants, and then jump in his bed? it just doesn't seem like the way to go, or maybe i shouldn't watch elimidate for tips on dating.. but isn't that how the real world works? but it just seems like that's what the standard is for today... put out or get out.. haha.. and then if someone doesn't conform.. doesn't that mean they'll just be left behind? doomed to be purseholders for life?

this blog is for nicole.. because she bugged me all night to blog because it "amuses" her (yay.. i'm glad my sorry pathetic life amuses someone) and i've finally gotten around to it.. after she went to bed. hhaha.. but anyways..

i'm back at school and stressin' over the hell that will be my life over the next two weeks with finals. yuk.

hmm.. thanksgiving was good.. as much as i tried to be productive.. i was still a bum. it's the first real break i've had in a long long time. i left all my cki stuff in san diego, brought some school work, brought my pictures and photo albums to organize and my seventeen magazine with justin on the cover.. and i was good to go. oh.. and my laundry.. don't forget the laundry :) saturday, before i left, my parents and i went to go see die another day. i didn't like it so much, and i thought that maybe i just wasn't a huge bond freak... and just to uncool to appreciate it.. but i heard a lot of other people didn't like it so much either. there were too many gratuitous love scenes that seemed to be put in because sex sells, or maybe i just felt uncomfortable watching it with my parents. but i also don't really like halle berry too much either.. so i don't know.. but i remember really liking tomorrow never dies, and i wasn't so impressed with this one. hmm.. we ate lunch and i took a quick nap. i was going to get my hair cut, but in the end decided that i didn't have enough time, and i didn't want a rushed job to be done on my hair cut.. so.. we fore-goed the haircut. drove back to SD to get to Annie's LRC (living room concert). i got amazingly lost trying to take a "short-cut" haha.. but made it okay... it was awesome.. annie is the greatest.. and it was chill to hang out with cool people. that night i ate something funny and got super sick.. and then next morning i woke up to wicked stomach pains.. and as i contemplated going to work and trying to get ready, i realized that i couldn't even really walk to the bathroom, so i didn't really think i could handle cleaning, sweeping and folding clothes for 4 hours, especially not for minimum wage. was bed ridden all day, kept myself from puking and just laid around trying to feel better. sleep really does wonders though, because i slept all day, got up showered, went back to bed, and then hung out with philly for bit (more like she hung out with me and my tv and oliver hudson while i tried not to puke) and then went back to bed. today i still felt a little sick but a hundred times better than yesterday. whoo hoo.

so yay for not being sick. boo for the dmv because i can't get my $12 back because the already processed my new license.. damn them. anyone want to buy a real fake id? just kidding. hmm. today i rested.. and then went to class. and then circle k. we had a good amount of people show up. i think it was the free food :) which i couldn't really eat a lot of because my stomach was still being a little queasy.. damn it. :P hailes even cooked and made taquitos!! i wanted to eat like 20 of them.. but couldn't get past the two on my plate.. they were goooood though.. you should invite him to all of your potluck parties. :) i have a million things to do .. but i don't really know where to start.. all my roommates are gone, so i'm all alone in my apartment.. i hope the locks on my doors are good. i feel like i should be doing some school work or circle k work.. but i just want to sleep all day. yes.. sleep is good.. sleep is nice.. la di da di da.