i am so.freaking.screwed.

and not just in the ordinary "oh i have so many projects due and so little time to do them" but in the "i dropped my external hard drive and lost ALL of my information/footage/work" kind of way.

yea... idiot.

it's gone.. well.. i'm not in total hysterics just yet because i have that SLIM glimmer of hope that some super awesome tech guy at my work can possibly fix it. i am an idiot and brought the drive home to try and see if it'd make a difference which cord i used... now it's not only not working, but now making extra funny noises.

S.C.R.E.W.E.D.

luckily (sort of) my program autosaves to my computer, so i have the bare bones of my piece.... but none of the footage to fill it in.. so everything is "offline"... re-digitizing will possibly have to occur if i can't save my drive. and i will have to be meticulous in matching everything up exactly to be the same... if i even can get it to point to the right place... which at this point i'm thinking it's impossible. crap.... it's like in sex and the city when SJP's computer dies... except i'm an idiot and dropped it. i might as well have threw it in the street and ran over it with my car at this point. maybe throw myself in the traffic along with it. sorry.. don't mean to be melodramatic but i just think about all the work lost. about the deadlines. and about what still needs to be done and/or now re-done.

i'm weeped a little bit.. as i sat on the floor of my work. not much of a huge crier in situations like these.. but now i'm in that state of shock/self-loathing. sorry if i left you a frantic message and don't answer when you call back... my phone is on silent. not really feeling like talking to anyone anymore.

if i get through this and get all this shiet done.. i will be amazed with myself.

i know that there is a reason for why things happen.. i am just wondering about this one.