i really have nothing to write about, but i just had a yearning to blog. i think this may have been my secret new year's resolution - but i can't say that it is, or else i won't keep it.

i'm finally feeling a little better (hopefully i'm not jinxing myself here either). maybe that's attributing to the fact that i left work at 7:30 and came home and immediately passed out. a good 3 hour nap will do wonders. i'm just hoping i can fall back asleep here in a minute. come onnnnn nyquil.. work your magic! i spent the last two days trapped inside my own head due to some weird congestion/ear stuffiness that seems to be alleviating itself today. but it was the worst because my ears were constantly plugged, all the sound was trapped inside my head, and i couldn't hear well, but could hear all the really low tones and they drowned everything else out. listening to music in the car on the way to work this morning was a bitch. i finally found a classical station. by the way, they turned my favorite classical station 105.1 into a country music station?! what?! ugh. country music stations belong below the 100's... just my opinion.

on the job front - trying to work on it. i've sent out my info to a few more places, definitely not 10 a day like the "suggested" amount is... but i'm at least looking. there's a new "project" at work, and i can't decide if i want to try and get super involved with it in order to make me feel accomplished and make sure it's as "cool" as it can be. or if i should learn how to not be a control freak and let it run it's course.

that last sentence however i am trying to apply to my life. i need to be a lot better at learning how to "let go". and not worry so much about things i can't control, and know that people are being stupid and weird, even they were cool in the past, or if i care about them, i kind of just have to let go, or realize that they aren't worth my time now. it's hard because i don't like to be the person to say "i'm so awesome you can't hang out with me" and so i have to realize it's not that, but more like it "shouldn't be that hard". i think i should be permanently sick though because it makes me not want to try as hard to have conversations/put forth effort/be too nice. i'm slightly sick of doing all the chasing. but minimal effort is still needed right?

someone commented again today that i look "pissed off"... i was just working, and quite bored. and maybe arranging dates on a calendar was really secretly making me upset - but i wasn't trying to look angry. but "it's just her work jean angry face" great. i need to try and make my bored working face not be my angry pissed off face. but it's hard, because i've realized that my lips naturally curve downwards - so if i'm not using any muscles in my face to look amused or smile, it's just this not happy face. not quite sad, but more intense into the angry section. hmmph. i probably look angry typing this blog. but i'm not.. :D! excited face!

but i did realize i need a major change in my life. and this wasn't going to come with people i talk to you and things i do on the weekend, but really day to day life and my job. then the other things will fall into place. (hopefully.. right?) although... sometimes i feel this year has moved so slowly, but i can't remember when i posted about it being february already, and now it's march. my next milestone i'm looking forward to is the beginning of april so i can get an iphone. i'm hoping that it will be here in no time at all. see... i have goals.

oh crap.. that means i have to finish this trailer, and do my taxes. yikes.