so i'm sick again. yuk. at first i was hoping that it was just allergies to a cat, but now i'm full blown coughing, congested, phlegm filled, sore and achyness. awesome. my stomach and chest hurt so much from coughing so much. bleh.

nothing's been making me feel better... except for eating. although i haven't really felt like eating a lot. (sad! i know!) except my stomach has been growling - which i guess does mean that i'm hungry. i guess i just can't decide what i want to eat. but i did jump all over dre's panda express that she brought in. (thanks! hope i didn't drool too much over your shoulder.)

so... lately.. i've come to the stark realization that i have NO idea how to play "the game." you always think that you have to play by "the rules" in order to get mr. right. hah! when i just looked up the book apparently there's a whole series! the rules, the rules II, ALL the rules, and the rules for online dating. maybe i should read those and get cracking! BUT.. that book (yes.. i borrowed it from nicole to check it out..) is all about being demure and letting the guy chase you and not chasing after guys. or something like that. somehow, those rules don't really work, unless you're ridiculously hot, or you're really good at playing the game already. it's very hard to find someone who's gonna make grand gestures or moves, but it seems to happen to a lot of people. so i don't know if i'm doing something wrong, or if i just haven't found the one. i realize that guys aren't as forthcoming as in the past or in books. they can get pretty shy. problem is: that i get a tad bit shy, i mean.. in terms of showing people i "like" them. i mean.. i've been told that i'm a "flirt".. which i don't believe at all. but if i were to believe this, it only applies to people i'm not interested in. because, when there is s person i'm interested in, i get all shy and lame. way lame. the funny, cute, sarcastic, dry humor in me turns to "oh yea?" "uh huh?" "oh, that's nice." i told you, lame. i also stay away from being overtly flirty so i don't chance getting rejected, or looking like a whore. i know that both of those happen, and just because you act a little interested, doesn't mean you're a whore, but i can't shake that feeling. or the fear of rejection one. but i do think that i go the exact opposite and impression of "not interested." thus, me not knowing how to play "the game." i don't think that every guy is "mine to lose" but maybe certain ones are. and sometimes they'll go for the more agressive girls or the ones that show they are really interested, and that means a lot. i've been duped by the attention factor a few times. although this attitude doesn't help me in learning how to play "the game". maybe things will just fall into place when they're supposed to. sometimes i can be funny even when i'm interested. maybe. ugh. i just have to believe that things will happen when they're gonna happen, things aren't always what they seem they are, and going with your gut is sometimes a great decision. but do be clear that i do indeed follow the creed "don't hate the playa, hate the game". i do really really hate "the game".

i should probably go to bed now since it's midnight and i really was supposed to go to bed the second i got home. damn dvr.