being up this late at night has it's certain advantages. i have no one to talk to, so this automatic word vomit reaction i have, can't just come spewing out over the internets immediately. i have to write it out. write out my angry ranting emails, write out my confessions of love, write out anything i want to say outside my head. and then a lot of times, i decide not to click send. not necessarily because i don't feel it anymore. probably because what i'm saying is a rash reaction, and i don't want to sound idiotic, so it's my electronic version of counting to 10. if i'm still feeling this way in the morning, then maybe i can just tell someone face to face. and also because maybe i just don't want to put "it" out there. there's a whole lot of nonsense out there, and it doesn't necessarily need to be pushed along by a few words i candidly wrote at 3:52am.

for example. there was a whole blog that i just wrote that i'm deciding not to post because... i don't trust it to be out there.