i feel very plain today... i looked in the mirror while i was washing my hands - and my face seemed so pale and plain. i normally don't wear make up anyways, but today i just felt so colorless. it was weird. add how i just let my hair air dry - so it's waving and drying funkily and adds to my drabness. i was watching america's next top model last week and there commenting about anne, and about how she didn't "care about her appearance" because it was just something she threw together and there was a stain on her shirt.. although i thought her skirt was really cute. but anyways, a lot of times i feel like this.. like i just don't care.. and maybe i should. maybe i should take the time to do my hair everyday, put makeup on, iron my clothes or something. who knows. but i was also telling someone at work that it almost seems as if i'd rather go from okay to good rather than from good to bad. like if i wore makeup and did my hair everyday (which would be a miracle if i could get my lazy ass out of bed to do that) - the days i didn't, people would be like "man what ate her up"... then you become a slave to all of that. i know girls who won't leave the house (doesn't matter where they're going) without their hair and makeup done. i saw this lady at the gym putting on mascara in the locker room. doesn't that shit sting your eyes when you sweat? maybe it was the waterproof kind.. but whatever.

yesterday i was feeling very ghetto. the hem is coming out of my wool jacket. and originally i taped the string, hoping it wouldn't pull out anymore and was going to ask my mom to fix it. but i forgot, and now she's gone again and it was becoming really bad and i discovered it while at work. the fold of my jacket was coming undone and i didn't want to lose it, so i ... stapled my jacket. GHETTO. i remember when that used to be the "cool" thing to do in middle school or high school.. everyone would staple their jeans. yea.. didn't look so hot on my jacket. guess i can't wear that for awhile.

sunday i went to an awards thing for my sister. it was really a fundraiser type thing, but they were giving her company an award for contributing to the efforts of asian americans and film. my sister bought our tickets, and we got little puff pastries for our $35 ticket. :P it was fun cheering for her what not. there was this "digital slam" where they showed a bunch of 30 second shorts that people did incorporating different elements. some of them were pretty clever, other ones.. i just didn't get. my dad said that i could do better than that, i can't say that i disagreed. oh well. while my sister and i have the same interest, i think our genres are different. although i'm starting to think that this thing is more of a "hobby" and not meant to be my career.. just because.. it seems so... out of reach. but i am young, and we'll still see. my dad keeps asking me what i want to be.. and i keep telling him i don't know. and then he asks me when i'll figure it out, i tell him that as long as he keeps asking me, i won't figure it out. i'm such a brat. one other thing i also thought about on sunday is how many events that we've gone to for my sister... and how many my family has gone for me. they're a lot different and maybe hers are more presitigous.. but i still thought about it. allow me to wallow in my self-pity for 5 seconds..... okay i'm done.

last game of the DL's first season. we didn't win :( but it wasn't too bad, and i think a lot of us were having fun. or trying to.. how much fun can you have when you're losing? with us, we always either start out the game well and then let it go towards the end. or we start out slow and spend the rest of the game playing catch up and never quite make it. i made a pretty good catch at first base (after a really awful one) that i was proud of myself for. haha.. too bad it was at the end of the game :P even though we didn't win every game i still had a lot of fun, and i think that the team is great, and i love it that they wouldn't mind playing again. :) none of this starting their own all male team business :P afterwards we went to friday's to comiserate, and apparently i was "pushing our luck" with the waitress.. but really.. asking for what you want isn't bad.. it's their job :P

today our family friend is supposed to come stay at our house, but neither my dad or i know when she's coming in and what time we're supposed to get her at the airport. we haven't heard from her in awhile... and i hope she didn't email my mom because i forgot the password. haha. oh well.. if all else fails she'll call wondering where we are, it's a 10 minute ride to the airport anyways.

4 more days.