courtesy of erika's myspace :)

what you are
i am a slam-dancing sea captain who loves to mount samurais.

find out what you are and let me know! :)

so i don't have to be all hateful of nicole anymore, because i have my very own job!!! yaaaaaay!! i am a loser no more (well at least in the job aspect) and i feel good because i didn't have to compromise and settle for a job just to "have a job." after interviewing twice and not getting the job, while i wasn't a "good fit for that position" my interviewer still really liked me and thought i was a "good fit for the company." that's good right?! :) apparently so because i have a job :) and although my job isn't uber "glamorous" it is a step in the right direction and at a place that is good for my eventual superstar career :) they do graphics for movies, commercials, music videos, games.. etc etc... i do like the place, and the people i have met so far and there is always rooms for advancement.. which apparently is what everything is about. so while this message sounds totally canned i am very very VERY excited :) if i owe you anything or you want anything from me today is the day to ask because i will be more likely to say yes. i am in a good mood.

digital domain here i come :)

happy birthday pete and carol!!

yay! i hope you celebrate in happy fashion :)

drama drama drama.

yuk… there is mad drama with my mom’s work and her “leave of absence.” the funeral’s not until next month, so i don’t know what’s gonna go on. and i feel so bad because i feel so helpless, and while my mom’s bosses are being jerkfaces, they’re not doing anything illegal… so you can’t do anything about it. grr.

honestly.. who expects their employees to miss their parent’s funeral, and like if they’re not respecting customs and traditions of another culture… does that count as discrimination?

*sigh*

other than that.. this week has been okay. work on tuesday, dinner with dad and family friends on wednesday, and last night was the play. oh i lied.. this week hasn’t been okay.. because i’m going to die when my mom comes back. i don’t know who reads this journal, so i can’t spill the details because i don’t want to incriminate myself. but basically i swore up and down something wouldn’t happen that my mom wanted to prevent, and it happened.. so she’s going to be like “i told you so” and then kill me.

afterwards i met up with benji at henessey’s for free food the thursday the week of your birthday. yay! whoever says birthday’s aren’t a big deal.. i say that’s bullshit.. or you’re missing out. birthdays are the best… having a reason to celebrate is never a bad thing. we shouldn't lose that excitement about birthdays as we grow older :)

my meal was okay.. i didn’t know exactly what to get, and although the waitress said certain items were really good, she later told us that she’d never actually had them.. umm. okay. she had my steak cooked medium well instead of medium like i wanted it, so it was a little gross :P but dessert definitely made up for it. mmm.. we got the irish doughnuts.. they are like the best thing ever. it sounds a little gross.. but it’s amazing. deep fried twinkies, with vanilla ice cream and then chocolate and raspberry sauces. ooh yea.. even andy the professional cook said it was good. damn.. i should have taken a picture of it! oh well.. i’m sure i’ll be back. to top it off beth, ryan and andy came to hang out for a little bit and beth brought me the CUTEST birthday cookies. i'd have a picture up, but my computer is busted. sucks. but they’re cute and yummy.. beth is amazing.. thanks chica! so it was a good pre-birthday celebration :) i had so much fun.. and that’s why birthday’s are great.

another thing that’s great.. is daphne’s greek café. seriously.. amazing. i’ve been obsessed ever since carlene’s birthday party. and then beth, benji and i went there for lunch one day.. and apparently she’s now obsessed too. i signed up for their e-club and immediately got a free coupon for their zestas appetizer. yummerific. plus i get a buy one get one free coupon for it being my birthday. not too shabby :P

i think we’re doing another pre-birthday dinner since my “aunt” isn’t going to be in town tomorrow, she wanted to go out tonight. i think i want her and her hubby to try the stinking rose… drastically different from their restaurants in india eh? (he was amazed by souplantation :P) i had wanted to take my mom and dad there because they’ve never been.. and i think my mom could find something good there. but this is good too. and then lunch with my dad and sister tomorrow (probably el paso cuz you get a free meal too!) .. i am such a sucker for free stuff. then maybe some shopping.. or disneyland? and then dave & buster’s tomorrow night. yay!! i *heart* birthdays!! OH… and i got cards from buttryn and phillicita in the mail. THANKS SO MUCH GUYS!!! i really enjoyed the cards. kathryn’s was hilarious. it was about cake corners and how you get to keep them to yourself because it’s your birthday. it sounds lame as i type it out.. but it’s funny as hell on the card with the old woman “saying” it. philly's was very sweet.. but the faces on them were a little scary :P you guys are awesome.. thanks for making me feel special :)

so i realized that the traffic ticket is my birthday present from the driving gods. last year it was the accident, and lately i had been thinking about how i hope i didn't get into an accident again this time of year, but i think that this year it's the ticket. blech. i was looking at the paper work today, and i'm supposed to respond within 10 days with who was really driving the car (because the ticket came to my mom since the car is registered in her name). except you're supposed to sign it, and send a copy of your driver's license (i guess to identify that it's really not you)... umm. my mom's in taiwan though.. i don't know how i'm supposed to do that. so i guess i'll just have to call tomorrow and try to ask them.

something i just thought about ... what if your twin was driving the car? hahah

i wish i wasn't so chickenshit sometimes. :P

it's going to be a hit song already.. i can tell :P this is a poem britney wrote about her honeymoon. it's cute.. like kindergarten cute. not like i should talk, because i'm sure any poems i write sound like this (i'm big on rhyming).. but really? i can't believe people paid money for this.

"A honeymoon at last, to get away from it all
My assistant Fe gave me the call.

I remember it well, as she was smilin'
She said it was called Turtle Island.

I packed my bags light and quick,
Then grabbed my pink dress & favorite lipstick.

We hopped on a plane and took our flight
I slept really well, all through the night.

As we arrive, I turn and look out the door,
People are greeting us right at the shore.

A meal, a shower and some ice cream
Then I threw my man down, you know what I mean!

Magical nights filled with stars
Silence is golden, no running cars.

Private dinners, romantic fires
Little piece of heaven, whatever your heart desires.

Friendly "hellos" and never goodbyes
When you're having fun, oh, how time flies!

As we sit and prepare to make our part
I thank you, Turtle Island, with all my heart!"

i feel very plain today... i looked in the mirror while i was washing my hands - and my face seemed so pale and plain. i normally don't wear make up anyways, but today i just felt so colorless. it was weird. add how i just let my hair air dry - so it's waving and drying funkily and adds to my drabness. i was watching america's next top model last week and there commenting about anne, and about how she didn't "care about her appearance" because it was just something she threw together and there was a stain on her shirt.. although i thought her skirt was really cute. but anyways, a lot of times i feel like this.. like i just don't care.. and maybe i should. maybe i should take the time to do my hair everyday, put makeup on, iron my clothes or something. who knows. but i was also telling someone at work that it almost seems as if i'd rather go from okay to good rather than from good to bad. like if i wore makeup and did my hair everyday (which would be a miracle if i could get my lazy ass out of bed to do that) - the days i didn't, people would be like "man what ate her up"... then you become a slave to all of that. i know girls who won't leave the house (doesn't matter where they're going) without their hair and makeup done. i saw this lady at the gym putting on mascara in the locker room. doesn't that shit sting your eyes when you sweat? maybe it was the waterproof kind.. but whatever.

yesterday i was feeling very ghetto. the hem is coming out of my wool jacket. and originally i taped the string, hoping it wouldn't pull out anymore and was going to ask my mom to fix it. but i forgot, and now she's gone again and it was becoming really bad and i discovered it while at work. the fold of my jacket was coming undone and i didn't want to lose it, so i ... stapled my jacket. GHETTO. i remember when that used to be the "cool" thing to do in middle school or high school.. everyone would staple their jeans. yea.. didn't look so hot on my jacket. guess i can't wear that for awhile.

sunday i went to an awards thing for my sister. it was really a fundraiser type thing, but they were giving her company an award for contributing to the efforts of asian americans and film. my sister bought our tickets, and we got little puff pastries for our $35 ticket. :P it was fun cheering for her what not. there was this "digital slam" where they showed a bunch of 30 second shorts that people did incorporating different elements. some of them were pretty clever, other ones.. i just didn't get. my dad said that i could do better than that, i can't say that i disagreed. oh well. while my sister and i have the same interest, i think our genres are different. although i'm starting to think that this thing is more of a "hobby" and not meant to be my career.. just because.. it seems so... out of reach. but i am young, and we'll still see. my dad keeps asking me what i want to be.. and i keep telling him i don't know. and then he asks me when i'll figure it out, i tell him that as long as he keeps asking me, i won't figure it out. i'm such a brat. one other thing i also thought about on sunday is how many events that we've gone to for my sister... and how many my family has gone for me. they're a lot different and maybe hers are more presitigous.. but i still thought about it. allow me to wallow in my self-pity for 5 seconds..... okay i'm done.

last game of the DL's first season. we didn't win :( but it wasn't too bad, and i think a lot of us were having fun. or trying to.. how much fun can you have when you're losing? with us, we always either start out the game well and then let it go towards the end. or we start out slow and spend the rest of the game playing catch up and never quite make it. i made a pretty good catch at first base (after a really awful one) that i was proud of myself for. haha.. too bad it was at the end of the game :P even though we didn't win every game i still had a lot of fun, and i think that the team is great, and i love it that they wouldn't mind playing again. :) none of this starting their own all male team business :P afterwards we went to friday's to comiserate, and apparently i was "pushing our luck" with the waitress.. but really.. asking for what you want isn't bad.. it's their job :P

today our family friend is supposed to come stay at our house, but neither my dad or i know when she's coming in and what time we're supposed to get her at the airport. we haven't heard from her in awhile... and i hope she didn't email my mom because i forgot the password. haha. oh well.. if all else fails she'll call wondering where we are, it's a 10 minute ride to the airport anyways.

4 more days.

RIP my grandfather.
november 14, 2004

he was 93 years old.

aiya....

it wasn't too bad.. except today bums me out. well.. not the whole day.. just when i got home. my parents handed me this fatty notice from the superior court that included pictures of me "running a red light" bah... dammit.. the light was yellow.. but i remember when it happened.. the flashes went off.. bah. i called beth to whine and she consoled me, told me that they usually don't get a clear picture, usually take a long time to send out tickets... i felt better. today.. all the anxiety came back. along with a $341 fine. three hundred and forty one freaking dollars. gah.. i don't know about fighting it.. i guess i could go to court, but i'm sure they hear sob stories all day long, they'd probably think i was lying. someone help me please.

my mom came back from taiwan last night. she brought all sorts of goodies :) burberry bags, tons of hello kitty stuff, lots of knickknacks and cutesy fobby stuff. ooh and chinese pastry snacks. the best. my aunt called today though and said that my grandpa has some more issues. my mom is planning to go back to taiwan.. maybe tomorrow afternoon. yikes. she has issues with work, but i think that she doesn't want to regret not being there if the something does happen. :(

the play on thursday was okay.. i totally messed up one of the cues, i accidentally hit stop instead of the next button and on the cd player and totally got flustered and started to play some random track with the phone ring. i finally calmed down and played the right track, but it seemed like an eternity. the cast didn't hate me.. and afterwards we went out for food, drinks and conversation. i got to hear the romantic flick/dawson's creek style story of a true life get together of a couple including the phrases "soulmate," "i was at a party and miserable because you weren't there," "i always think about you," "i just want to talk to you all the time," "i don't know what took me so long to realize it," "all i ever think about is you," "you've just said everything i've been waiting eight years to hear you say"... it was too adorable.. sickening almost.. but cute. when it's supposed to happen it's just that easy i guess.. although it wasn't always, but it was in the end. it gives me some sort of hope. and it's always cute for guys to shed that macho exterior and just gush. aww.

speaking of macho exteriors, today i was next to a guy on his phone talking to his friend about weekend plans. i have never been more disgusted in my life. his conversation was like "you know those girls i was going to arrange for us to hang out with... they were playing all these games, trying to be cool - about who's calling who first, and naw... i don't play those kinds of games.. so i terminated them." and then "you know i've known this girl for a year and i still haven't hit it" he's so cool.

i'm supposed to be cleaning so i can maybe have a party.. i have about 2 or so days... 4 maybe at the most.. we'll see... who wants to come over and help?! i'll feed you and maybe pay you..although with this $341 ticket... i might be struggling for cash. (aww.. now i'm sad again).

something that did make me happy is that i've been looking into purchasing the iMac G5.. i know that i talked about it before.. but the time has come.. am i ready to blow $3000 on computer and software? ack... i wish money grew on trees.

on monday when i was sad about losing the game and being really bad... beth was trying to console.. in her own way.

jean: man... sorry guys. i suck
beth: what's with all this self-pity? that's not the jean i know! usually you delude yourself... like "masquerade ball is the greatest event ever!"

what a bitch.

RileyM: Hi!
jeanyah: hello
RileyM: Hi. What's up?
jeanyah: mm.. not much
jeanyah: do i know you?
RileyM: No. I found your name on webdate.com. Just looking for people to chat with.
jeanyah: what?
jeanyah: are you serious?
RileyM: I have no reason to lie to you.

so this conversation greeted me sunday night. i was quite confused. i was going to call beth or nicole and ask if the put me on there as a joke. but it's a completely different person from a completely different place. some girl is trying to steal my identity! jk. i dunno how she came about that name, and maybe that explains the number of random people imming me. but i freaked out for a nanosecond or so.

you can check out the "canadian" jeanyah.. i guess she can have that title :P
http://www.webdate.com/profile.php?id=840843

if you are sure you don't want to sign up (who doesn't need a webdate?) you can use mine. (i only signed up to see her profile, i swear)
username: jeanhuang
password: 36167

i wonder if she to other places like myspace or hotmail or gmail or aim or whatever and tries to sign up with jeanyah and curses me because it's already taken. hah. i'm hotter than her. just kidding.. so she's hotter than me. a different kind of hot. plus i'm not hot at all, so yea.

other than that, my life is same ol same ol. softball game last night.. we lost. again. boo. we were up for a little bit, then down, then tied. and then i let a bunch of people on base .. walks and all that.. (i suck) and they got 6 runs and we didn't score any. sucks. ryan made this really good catch in the outfield, and neal made an AWESOME catch at second base. i sucked a whole bunch. boo. but my team are good sports and very nice and supportive and don't talk shit about me to my face.. so as long as i can't hear it and they smile at me and pat me on the back, it's okay. just kidding. i dunno, i wish i had more control.. i'm gonna have to work on that. i'm not the biggest slo-pitch fan, but it is just fun to get out there and play. and when we do well, it's even better (before i start sucking). or maybe it's because everyone takes it easy on us because they think we're awful, and then when we show we're pretty good they turn it up and that's where it goes wrong. who knows.. i don't, obviously. but hopefully we will win our last game. ack. cross your fingers, and you guys should come out and cheer for us :)

afterwards a few of us got dinner at islands, and then i met up with keri to see the incredibles (yay) and beth, ryan and benji came with. it was good, the style reminded me a lot of the powerpuff girls. some of the graphics were neat, like the hair and the water - me and keri were oohing and ahhing, and beth and i squealed like 4 year old girls at the preview for the heffalump pooh movie. so cute! although the incredibles was good, i think it might be my least favorite disney/pixar movie. maybe it's because everyone said how good it was and i was super excited, and my expectations were thus super high. that always happens, but when movies i never really wanted to see - and then end up watching... i love. oh well.. it was good though. and i do like how they used real life aspects that contributed to their super powers. although that's not something i would have ever realized just from the movie. i heard the review on KROQ and he was talking about why each super hero had their powers. smart.

had lunch with my sister. she's leaving for taiwan soon. i'm sad she won't be here for my birthday, thanksgiving and maybe not christmas :( poop.

i just wasted $4.69 and bought 3 ringtones for my phone. i have always wanted to, but never thought i should, until this week, when i just said "fuck it." which sucks because i could have got more usage out of them if i had just bought them earlier. oh well.

so i bought "toxic" and the "beverly hills 90210 theme song" oh yea. for my third song, i'm waiting for a jason mraz song or harry potter. it'll be a good one.

i feel incredibly cool and geeky all at the same time.

hah.

so michael phelps isn't such a perfect hero after all.

underage, drinking and driving? oh my.

happy happy birthday sergi!

so.. my birthday is coming up. and a few people have asked me what i want. well really only one... but maybe more later. haha.. so in lieu of that... i present my amazon wishlist.

this isn't to advertise my birthday or anything. but i hate when people ask me what i want. because i'll say stupid shit like "a job, a boyfriend, a clean house so i can have a party.." stuff you can't just pick up on a shelf, but really that's what i want. or the new G5 imac or the G5 desktop with a pretty apple monitor to go with, but really i don't think anyone's going to be springing that on me. ooh or last season's GAP posters of michael vartan.. i'd love you forever for that. aside from that i don't know what i "really" want... and maybe i don't "need" anything. my room is too small to hold the stuff i don't already need. but it is definitely nice to get things. at the same time.. i hate answering because i feel like a greedy brat. also... i love the element of the surprise of a gift. like - someone took the time to figure out a good present instead of just getting whatever. i don't know.. i mean.. is getting a thought-out bad gift better than something you want? but in any case, that's a question i never really liked to answer. thus, the wishlist. this isn't specifically for my bday, and i put a lot of random crap on there.. so maybe use it as a guideline, or just to see what i'm into. also, i often forget that amazon has tons of stuff on there, so really i only use it to buy dvd's and what not, so that's basically the majority of the list (and mostly boxed sets cuz that's what i buy from amazon.)

i'm really not trying to a ego-maniac, or scream "hey! it's my birthday! you'd better buy me a present you fuckers."... but just for the few who were wondering "hmm.. what does jean want?" of course if you don't know me and just feel like giving a stranger a present, i'd be more than willing to oblige :P

yay.. it's friday.

although i may have booked myself for work on the weekend. blah. but it's only like 1 or 2 hours shifts of ice hockey, so it's okay. maybe i will run into tom cruise or michael vartan. i'm keeping my fingers crossed :P i still haven't gotten confirmation on whether or not they need me, so maybe i'll just get to veg out like i had planned. actually tomorrow was supposed to be my super productive day of cleaning. taking time to clean and throw out stuff since my mom isn't around to be packrat. but i can't really throw anything away because she will be PISSED if i her throw her "trash" away (even if it is trash).. so i'll just have to nicely organize it. which is still easier when she's not around because she's not nagging me on how to do this and that and to organize everything her way. i also feel bad when i go out too because i feel like i'm leaving my dad all by his lonesome. he always tells me "well i'm used to it now" which makes me feel even worse. it's true.. 4 years of college i wasn't around.. he's probably happy to be by himself every once in awhile. but still...

speaking of my mom i haven't spoken to her yet. maybe she called when i was at work or the play or something. but i figured no news is good news right? she's just enjoying her time in taiwan and having some quality family time. she needs it :) i only wish she could stay longer, i think she really misses living closer to her family and "home." i gazed upon an email once saying how sometimes she wishes technology wasn't so "advanced" because it has caused her to move further away and it moves people apart. which is sad.. but true.

wednesday night i was going to veg, but ended up covering a guy's shift at work. it was.. interesting.. a night riddled with injuries. yikes.. my first experience with "real" injuries .. well not really because on sunday a kid got hurt, so this is like injury week. but wednesday they called 911 and everything.. crazy! so the injury list included, broken wrist, knocked out teeth, twisted knee, and snapped hamstring. in two games. yikes. i feel the worst for the knocked out teeth guy - it's so permanent! ... plus because he did it to himself. hah. the puck deflected off his stick up to his mouth. was he not wearing a mouth-guard? he was wearing a sheild, but not a full cage. some people play without any face protection! i don't get that. now that guy is missing teeth. and his team was laughing and wanting to take pictures. awww. i also learned that if you put teeth in a glass of milk it helps preserve it? is that true? the random stuff you learn.

last night the play was okay. (only 5 left to come see!!) they changed the set and lights (we share the space with another play) so everything was different... so i messed up a few times... yikes. people said they didn't notice, but still.. i almost totally messed up and missed a few cues, but caught it in time. apparently i'm sucking at everything lately.

including tower blaster. philly kicked my ass 15,000 to 1,500 last night. :P

COME ON new hampshire, iowa, wisconsin and OHIO.

gosh dang that is asking a lot. boo.

so the lesson for tonight is always screw caps on tightly. i learned this lesson awhile ago actually when i went out to dinner and got steak sauce all over myself because the lid wasn't screwed on the bottle and i picked it up and shook it. steak sauce in the eye is no fun. today i knocked over a soda bottle (not mine) that the cap wasn't screwed on tightly and it landed into one of the referee's bags. oops. i freaked out, grabbed the fizzing bottle and tried to soak up the soda. unfortunately a lot of it got on a referree shirt in his bag, and he was not too pleased. i think i lied and said that it fell in when the players slammed into the boards. aiya. maybe he won't bring all his stuff out and change in the box anymore :P.. maybe he'll use the locker room and i won't be graced by his hairy chest and boxer breifs twice a week. ugh.

monday's game was not so fun. i sucked pretty badly.. i always feel as if it's my fault. but they also hit really far.. and our hitting isn't the best. but it is still a big part of my fault (boo). and i hate losing. so it's not so fun. emily and beth are really sweet and tell me that i'm doing well and it's not my fault, and a bunch of my teammates tell me that it's okay and i'm doing really well. and although it's nice to hear .. i don't believe them. haha. boo......

my mom left for taiwan today. i swear she is the biggest procrastinator. i'm sure that's where i get it from. she didn't finish packing until 2ish or so, her flight was at 3:30. crazy mommy. she always does this too. :P she hopes to help her dad's health.. but it is inevitable since he is 90+ years old. i don't know what to think or hope for. i hope she is able to be with him enough. she's coming back in a week or so... it doesn't seem like enough time, but her bosses are kind of not so nice right now. i hope it's peaceful, and not too much pain. it hurts less when you have time to prepare. but she's hoping for the "good outcome." but how long can it last? ugh.. i feel so cynical.

it's 2am.. and i gotta go to work (yuk) in the morning. i want to just quit already :P i am a huge slacker. i'm done watching the news for now..

come on ohio.
*on a side note... while looking at election results by state, i wonder what kind of person i'd be if i grew up in indiana. thinks that make me go hmm... boys are in the category too.

spaznik: poor thing... but hey he knows your name and calls you sweetheart

argh..

hmm.. so.. there must have been a glitch with the audio blogging, because i just had thought that i didn't push the right buttons at the end.. but i guess it just got lost for a bit, and now it's back. i've forgotten what i said already.

i know this is a bit late.. but

happy halloween!! :)

this week has been okay. was kind of crummy in the middle, but ended well. last weekend was fun. san diego. yay! it was fun hanging out, watching movies. i think most of it was in my audio blog. the first thing i did when i got there was get a california burrito from el coti's. mmm. went downtown to get my hair cut, whoo hoo. it wasn't too bad. spent $20 total, $10 for the hair cut, $8 tip, $2 parking. and then back that night for some movies, hung out with courtney, and went out and about in PB. saturday was more movies, just hanging out, got a calamari steak sandwich from el pescador (yum) although i got courtney a little lost driving around.. and she wasn't feeling well.. yuk. but she got some chai and some chocolate and felt better, so it's all good :) watched more films, hung out with jill and jason and then dinner with courtney and taylor. it was good just to see friends and hang out.. especially friends i hadn't seen in a long while. :) hopefully it won't be too long before we see each other again.

monday was our softball game. it sucked. it was so awful, bad for even us. for some reason no one (except for justin) could get it together. and maybe we weren't "that" bad, but we were bad enough, and the other team was good enough that it was just the worst game ever. i have never felt that crummy about a loss, and not just cuz we lost, but it was just plain ugly. afterwards beth, benji and i headed to chili's where we had the 32 year old waiter who just got kicked out of his parents house for being a free-loader.. so we listened to his stories, about how they took back his car (a range rover which he decked out with dvd players and what not) so he had to drop out of csulb and go to elco because that's within biking distance. how he used to live the high life and go to $300 dinners at big posh places, and now he lives off of trader joe's macaroni & cheese, and how he doesn't know how to clip coupons, or really where to find coupons. yea.. serious. we swapped horror retail stories, and he was a pretty cool cat. he wasn't too bad on the eyes either, which didn't hurt, and we all debated about whether or not he was gay. i thought he wasn't, benji thought he was, and beth flip-flopped.

work on tuesday, lunch @ daphne's with benji and beth. i swear that ever since carlene's birthday party i have been obsessed with gyros. they're so yummy! i had greek food with my sister in santa monica, and then daphne's the week before for dinner, and then again last week for lunch. i can't get enough. yikes.

i got in some trouble at work for some stupid stuff.. and it put me in a pretty crummy mood thursday and friday. i dunno.. i know that i'm not supposed to be doing certain things, but when everyone else is, and it doesn't really seem to matter. it's hard to just not to anything, instead of doing what you're "not supposed to be doing" (and this is of course after i've finished all my work. so you all don't think i'm a delinquent.) but yea.. it still kind of sucks.. and my uber paranoia is setting in, and i just seem to get weird vibes. so ... i dunno. after work i was going to be motivated and go to the gym.. but as i was walking up to the gym i realized that i had forgot my sneakers (after reminding myself twice to pick them up before going out the door) so i got back in my car and went home :) nice huh? nap before work and then work until midnightish. good times.

saturday was family and sister day. hanging out at her posh pad. that's always a good time. i get to watch cable and got hooked on the real world/road rules battle of the sexes. argh.. who won the ice competition? who's getting kicked off! i was sad that Ace got booted :P he's so adorable. eric nies is still pretty yummy. that night i had to go to work again - covering people's shifts who have real lives and parties to go to. since i didn't make any plans i figured i'd be nice and take the shift. i'm so dumb because i got super excited to see celebrities there - watching their kids play. it was too cute. i shouldn't be so starstruck, but i am. the celebrity count is up to three - dave coulier, peter gallagher and antonio sabato jr. haha. apparently kiefer sutherland and jerry bruckheimer were around playing pick up and tom cruise came to chat. and i missed him. man.. my sister would have loved me if i had clubbed tom cruise over the head with a hockey stick and brought him back. jk. but it was like an hour after my shift.. man!! tom cruise... aiya.. i'm such a goober.

sunday.. freaking daylight savings .. i had forgotten and woke up at 6:30am for my 8am meeting. argh. only after i finished getting ready did i catch a glimpse of my smart vcr that reset the time by itself and realize that i was up 1 hour too early in the butt crack of dawn. i really could have used another hour.. i took a nap, but it's not the same as solid sleep.

sunday after work, and confusion, and me being uber stupid dorky - nicole, benji, beth, ryan and i went out to hermosa for halloween. nicole really wanted to go out (even though she was sick) and i thought i'd appease her, but i'm really glad that she made me go out. :) it was a good time, and sorry for anyone who got annoyed at my stupidness. we went to patrick malloys - me as a school girl (with the costume i bought that day - skirt from the gap and knee highs from target :P), nicole as a old school girl star trek officer (AWESOME!!!), benji as a running with the bulls guy (are they officially called something?), ryan as a scientist, and beth wore her snow white costume (too cute). she opted for the real snow white instead of the slutty snow white.. but it was still great :) i had bought a ding dong from the pizza place next door, but didn't eat it right away, so i put it in my purse - but forgot about it and found it in my purse later on. at one point, me and ryan went for a shot and i was going to throw away the mutilated ding dong, but ate it instead. it was the best ding dong i've ever had. haha.. stupid. we hung out at a very empty kettle with a snarky ass waitress (probably just sick of stupid drunkards coming in all the time) and ate, had good conversation and sobered up. nicole thankfully drove me home before trekking back to chino hills herself (thanks for coming out!) and i crawled into bed trying not to wake my mom up who fell asleep on the couch while waiting for me (after the stern phone i got from her.. oops). this way she'll never know what time i actually came home :P

this morning we got a phone call super early - which usually isn't the best of signs. in the past months my grandfather's (mom's side) health was deteriorating. he's pretty old, and from what my mom says my step-grandmother isn't the nicest and doesn't take the best care of him. he'd go for days without eating and was in the hospital a few times. my aunt went back to taiwan to spend some time and hopefully nourish him back to health, but i don't really know what's been going on since then but i guess my grandfather is back in the emergency room. my aunt called this morning and through the walls i could hear bits and pieces of the conversation as i was drifting in and out of sleep. i hear my mom say "come home quickly?" which is never a good sign either. i guess my grandfather is in the hospital, and will maybe have to be transferred to a larger hospital - since they live in a fairly podunk town in taiwan. my mom is leaving tomorrow for taiwan and so i'll have to help her pack her stuff and try not to stress her out too much. i feel bad because i was super sad when my grandfather (dad's side) had died. i don't feel quite the same way now.. just because we weren't that close i suppose. i was maybe even a little freaked out by him sometimes. but i do feel an ache for my mom because she doesn't really handle stress well, and it's never a fun situation. she's pretty unfocused, but has to get some stuff done at work before she leaves tomorrow. she's crying and all that and just worried when someone tells you "you should come now." maybe i just don't think it's real yet or it hasn't sunken in. i wonder if anything awful does happen if i should go to taiwan.. the only thing holding me back would be the play.. so i dunno. it's a crummy situation but we'll get through it. my mom's mom died when she was young - so .. i dunno. he's lived a good life, had lots of kids and got to see my sister get married in apparently what my relatives are calling "the wedding of the century." i wonder how much of it he actually took in. but nevertheless, my mom got to be there to experience it with him. what sucks about being the younger child is that my grandparents could possibly not witness a lot of things i do... but .. i dunno.. what can you do. my mom had also been stressing out about her job and today on the phone she was telling me how if she didn't work anymore that i'd have to take care of her. i told her i would and she's like "really? you promise?" i dunno.. this conversation sounds dumb as i type it out, but i think my mom worries a lot about when she hits old age if me and my sister will just abandon her and my dad, dump them in some retirement home if they don't have money to survive on their own. my old lady neighbor is by herself all day and all night and says her son only visits her every once in awhile to make sure he can collect on insurance. this conversation between my mom and i.. i dunno. it was just interesting. not that you all care, but i'm writing it for myself so i can look back and read my blog later and remember these things i wrote. either to remind myself how dumb i was/am, or smart things i say. i dunno. one last thing that is really awful of me. is that i am a little giddy that with my mom gone there won't be anyone there to nag me. my dad is more lax and less uptight, but then again i also feel bad leaving him at home by himself. i dunno.. i feel absolutely awful for thinking it.. but it's the truth i guess. it just sucks that it has to be because of these circumstances. that's right.. i am an awful daughter.

anyhoo.. i am done babbling. sorry to have gone on so long. my shoulder hurts a lot.. i don't know from what. maybe just sleeping on it the wrong way. i hope the softball game tonight doesn't suck too bad. it's almost time for lunch.. yay. the day after halloween isn't the funnest. i wish i could have just stayed in bed. but that's always every morning. but it IS november. which i love. all the coolest people are born in november. :) plus.. there's the gorging yourself on turkey. yum! bring on the meat sweats!

happy november!