i feel like i'm constantly making the wrong decisions. should i be stronger? should i just know what to do? i constantly don't believe in myself enough. maybe all i'm lacking is self-confidence, but i don't want to grab too many things... but i can't just stick to the same things and "hope" that they work out. i need to be afraid to not let go. but what if you let go too early? and what if you let go too late? how come some people just seem to know? they always seem to get it right.. trying new things can be good maybe....... i don't know.

so confused. and i feel like my throat is going to collapse. gah.