cross your fingers that i get my nsync uno cards before we leave for vegas. oh yea.

my life is pretty uninteresting, and thus there is nothing to blog about, but yet i feel this need to do it. i'm addicted.

my relatives came and we've been doing random stuff. dinner at red lobster (yum.. cheesy bread) and shopping. trying to find t-shirts for one cousin and yu-gi-oh cards for the other. other than that i've just been working here in the shackles of carrie chen. it's alright, but it's getting old and everyday i go i don't want to do anything. that's bad huh? my parents took the relatives to las vegas so i'm here all by myself. carrie came over and we went to dinner. we were going to see legally blonde 2 but instead came home and filled up on reality tv. oh yea. jee sucks, allison is a big fat whore, and i want to be lisa shannon, and hank rocks my world (or i wish he would). you know what i'm talking about right? :P during cupid, hank and lisa were on their "date" and they were talking and he was like "i want to take off all your clothes and make love to you" carrie and i screamed and almost died. it was so shocking.. hahah.. we're dumb. laters we had ice cream and i made her watch varsity blues. but now she has to admit it is a good movie.. i think she likes it more than she'll ever admit.. but she was really interested. johnny moxon is gorgeous.. and lance harbor.. YUMMY. and that's all.. i uploaded some new pictures, and laughed at some of the ways people have been finding my blog. it's very interesting what people search for. crazy.

the weekend is half over. damn.. i need more weekend.

friday was a stressful day. i went to work, which was alright and left early to go to my eye dr. appt. carrie followed me home to use my internet.. but only got a few minutes out of it because of traffic and my dad was doing something to the computer before she could use it. i also called the real world and left a message about being a PA... so the chick called me back and i was driving on the 110 and on my cell phone, and i heard that she wanted me to bring something down to "the house" (how frikkin cool is that) from LA to san diego. and then i also heard that they wanted me to work as PA for a week. i screamed like a school girl, got all nervous and excited at the same time. and i finally composed myself and called her back to ask a few questions about pay and other stuff.. and found out that they just wanted me to deliver the package for them.. and i guess i misheard about the other offer (damn). so i contemplated driving from torrance to van nuys to sd and back, just to be a part of the real world for 5 nanoseconds. shit. in the end it didn't end up happening because the guy didn't want me to have to battle traffic north to van nuys and south to sd. they probably just found someone who wasn't such a geek. i beat myself up a little bit friday for not just "doing it" and jumping at the chance because who knows where it could have led up to, and plus they were more likely to remember me and hopefully like me if i met them in person - rather than this wishy washy girl on the phone. dang it. but i would have also sat in traffic for 6 hours or so.. which may not have been too bad for the $200 i would have gotten. but it's done and over with and it's too late now.. so i guess maybe it just wasn't meant to be. when the girl called me she said that she was a "believer in fate" and i had called at the right time... so i kicked myself a little bit for slamming opportunity when it came knocking at my door. but maybe it was "fate" that i didn't do it... who knows. argh

instead i cleaned all night (yay?) my uncle and family were coming in from taiwan, so i had to clean out the entire upstairs and the rest of the house. for those many people who haven't been inside my house (even when you had to pee badly) it was a disaster.. crap everywhere, no place to sit, hardly a place to walk. but *ta-da* my house is pretty sparkling.. it's kind of amazing. i mean.. it's not perfect clean where every thing is in it's place ... but it's really good, especially compared to before. SO.. i think the ban on guests just might be lifted from out house if i can keep it this way (which shouldn't be too hard).. so whoo hoo.. yay!! come visit me!! you can come inside and we'll sit down and chat.. oh yay. :)

i spent most of today cleaning, got a wake up call from carrie.. she's fond of calling me when she's awake and knows that i'm sleeping. :P i now have the super snifflies from all the dust or something.. but i hate it because i have a runny nose.. at least my headache and wheezing is gone. i went to stup's engagement party.. SO CUTE. i want to be engaged, and get fun presents and plan fun stuff.. nicole can i work for you when you become a wedding planner? but it was pretty exciting.. i can be such a girl sometimes. yikes. and trish sent her a present from up north even though she couldn't come to the party.. what a sweetheart. awww.. i want to be engaged. hahah. it was a really cute party. it was at this GINORMOUS house in altadena. i seemed really nice from the outside.. but as i was walking away when i left i looked at just how big it was. there was several large rooms downstairs (living room, dining room, guest room, sitting room.. etc etc etc) and there were like 10 or 12 windows upstairs for bedrooms. wow. stup is part of the private high school crowd. hahah.. and we used to play against them in high school.. haha.. the prep league. hahah. crazy memories. but it was good, there was good food and ice cream cake (yum!!) and she got a lot of really cute presents and everyone really liked the gift that i gave her (whoo hoo). it was fun.. :)

amanda and matt

work work work.. i don't know how i end up with a layer of dirt on my stomach... does the dirt seep through the shirt?! THAT'S how dirty that warehouse is.

but enough about that... this isn't a real real blog..not in my usual style.. i just really don't know what to do, and my journal is packed up in a box somewhere in the backyard.. so my blogger is going to suffice for now. i REALLY don't know what to do in terms of my jobness. i have an interview on tuesday for a friend of a friend of my sister's... so that's good. although i'm at a low point right now and i feel like i won't get it (like all those other jobs i interviewed for). a friend's mom of mine said that i need to get a job.. even if it was at the gap.. to boost my morale because being rejected so many times can be blows to your self-confidence and it drags you down to where you don't want to even try anymore. i think for me it's a little bit of that in combination with my laziness. i'm horrible. but anyways.. so back to this dilemma of san diego. i talked to my sister today and in her usual "do it on your own" tone we talked a little bit. i hadn't called the real world lady yet because i wasn't even sure if i wanted to do it, like if it was a possibility. but she said i should call anyways... but then i got to thinking.. that maybe i could just do it anyways.. go for that non-pay in san diego.. try to get a job at gap or a restaurant and work for ucsd ica (i KNOW i could always get that.. but it's not enough) find a place to live.. blah blah. does that seem too insane? am i just going for the superficiality and commercialism of being a part of the mtv chain? is it just a fantasy? or can i make it a reality. i've always been a huge wuss when it comes to making decisions. i always ask everyone i know.. what should i do, what should i do... because i'm not strong enough to make decisions on my own? or that i think that i'll make the wrong ones? i don't know.. but i am so indecisive because i don't like to mess up or face rejection.. which many times i have ended up in the sh*t pile. i mean.. look at my roommate situations for the past years.. i am awful. but i guess i'll call, talk to the lady, hope she's nice, pray that she offers me a job (not likely)... but see what she has to say anyways.. talk about interning.. see what it requires.. and then think if it's possible. argh.. i hate the real world too.. (haha.. no pun intended.. ironic huh?)

my life is pretty blah. not really doing much except working in carrie's house of sweat and dirt and nasty 'ol bugs and boxes. ugh. i am so pooped and dirty when i come home, that i can't even do anything. i went to go workout on monday, that was an accomplishment. hahah. jimmy told me about the slot machine exercise machines.. haha. funny. i also bought lots of food for me to pack lunches each day for work. haha. the best part about living at home is that your parents pay for your food. oh yea.

i've been contemplating a little but about the job market. i found out that the real world is going to begin shooting in san diego these upcoming months (san diego!!??) yea.. sucks that it's right after i frikkin graduate. so my sister's friend is the director and she tried to pull some strings but they are all staffed up.. (figures), but they're always looking for interns. first of all i don't know if that would work because i wouldn't be able to get school credit. and isn't in incredibly insane to move back to somewhere where i just moved from to work for an unpaid job? i mean.. sure i could MAYBE get promoted, i could maybe get good contacts, or that would be my foot in, and when am i EVER going to get to work on the real world and it would be an AMAZING opportunity. but there's just too many conflicting factors.. argh!! why couldn't i have stayed another year. crap. what do i do?

in other news.... today after work carrie and i wanted to go to hooters for their happy hour specials of $2.50 for 10 wings. it was my attempt to recover from my pizza port nostalgia (didn't quite work though). we totally stuff ourselves with wings and celery and then shopped a bit in santa monica. but before that i had to go to carrie's to shower because i was gross and didn't feel like going to go eat with cobwebs in my hair, so i followed her back to her apartment and on the way home, waiting to get into his car with his guitar was this HOTT guy with curly blond hair and amazing blue eyes. (and yes this was in my 5 second glance.) but he was so good looking, carrie noticed too. we squealed like school girls. oh my-lanta.

it's been awhile since i've blogged, i think i've been too busy washing the steak sauce smell from my clothes and my skin. :P anyhow.. it's been an eventful week. i've been working as yet another one of carrie's minions.. but at least i'm getting paid this time. i'm helping carrie "catch up" but i didn't realize that i would have to be working in her sweatshop. it's this nasty dirty warehouse that is hot as all heck and i have to clean and sort and organize crap. i come home sweaty and dirty and nasty... she didn't mention the sweatshop part... she's lucky i like her so much. but hey.. it's umm.. exercise? haha.. besides it ends this week, and i get some extra cash (yay!!) i am so broke i have harassed everyone that i know that owes me anything above a penny to collect. so it'll be nice when i get a check from her boss. :) just make sure i don't go shopping or go eat and blow it on something. (at least hold it until vegas right?)

so that's what i've been doing these weekdays for the few few few people who have noticed that i haven't been spending my days online gossiping about the current soap action. i have missed my friends in salem, harmony and pine valley. :( last thursday we went to sun america to help them with something they donated to carrie's company. i swear.. boys who dress nice make them look all that much better. i glanced at this one boy's cubicle everytime i passed by why moving chairs.. and one time he walked past me and smiled at me. i was going to die. hahaha.. i'm such a loser. but anyways.. i need a real job like that.. badly. but we also played mash.. with some interesting outcomes. i'm going to marry some nice gentlemen though.. as will carrie. hahahaa.. and i'm glad i didn't end up in the shack. saturday i played third wheel on sakura and hailes' date. we ate mexican food in south gate (haha) at a place hailes wanted to take us to, and then came back to the $3 movie theater to watch X2. it was pretty good. highlight of the night: hailes' funny stories about getting sexually harassed by his roommate (or hit on as we liked to call it... sakura's going to go beat her up soon) and hailes' cousin and brother coming out to look at the two girls hailes was going out with. haha. they're so the opposite of hailes.. it's funny how people turn out huh? sunday i helped carrie move .. mostly helped her pack up the rest of her stuff and got inquired about my lovelife by one of the old married movers that she hired (blech) and armando came later and we watched carrie's convention videos. armando was so excited. i wasn't. hahaha.. scrapbook award... according to carrie if looks could kill, that whole room would have been dead .. it was pretty funny seeing our reactions. later we got treated to olive garden for being such good friends and movers. hahaha.. my favorite quote for that night is from armando "i don't believe in people serving in the same position two years in a row" riiiiiiiiiiiiight. hahaha what a numnut.

so i basically hate carrie chen, because she is a huge moron and her clumsyness is contagious. i don't really know if i want to be associated with her anymore. today after i worked long and hard for her we went out to dinner because she had had a steak craving for a few days. and i flaked out on her a few times so i felt bad (never again). so we went to outback steakhouse and she ordered steak and i got chicken. we were eating just fine.. and we were sharing food like good little friends and so i grabbed the steak sauce after she was done and flipped it upside down real quick to make sure the sauce was consistent. when i flipped it back up i had A1 steak sauce all over me, on the seat, on my pants, on my shirt, my neck, my face and burning in my left eye. carrie.. not thinking at all.. decided not to screw the lid back on, just place it on top, and not tell me when she handed it to me. i bet she was one of those hoodlums that unscrewed the pepper before she left breakfast places. so yes.. and instead of helping me and my burning eye, she laughed.. cackled at my misfortune. what a jerk. the kind waitress brought me lots of water and extra napkins to wipe my face and neck and soda water for my clothes and carrie sat and laughed so much that she could hardly choke down her food. what kind of moron doesn't put the cap on food? ugh! that's the last time i share condiments with that clumsy fool!! ;P

you know what i also hate.. the way my parents constantly try to force me to do things that i don't want. and also how they treat me like a child. i feel like i'm in middle school all over again. i know i probably brought it upon myself since i didn't move out.. but it sometimes it's ridiculous. and although i know they mean well they keep shoving stuff in my face in regards to jobs and crap. like my mom made me take the cbest and now wants me to apply as an special ed or office assistant sub, and my dad wants me to apply with the city of los angeles .. even if it's like a janitorial job. my mother wants me to work in the school distict and my father wants me to get a city job. it's not like i don't appreciate their helpfulness.. but at the same time they shove it in my face and expect me to apply and take the job.. because i don't get the job i will be a failure, so i have to get it. but like they don't even consider what i want to do. i know i can't get everything that i want, but they act like i HAVE to apply for these jobs. i mean.. sure it doesn't hurt applying, or doing this work.. but i don't want to get stuck somewhere.. and live a life full of regret from not being able to do anything that i really wanted for myself. there were so many things and so many friends that i lost out on from my parents and them not letting me do anything. i don't really want that to happen when i'm 21 years old and a college graduate. maybe i should have moved out when i had the chance. rooar!! i'm done now. sorry for complaining.. please still love me.

i also forgot to say that i got my diploma on saturday too! :) yay.. i officially are a graduate now. hehehehe

fun times

yay for disneyland


they look like they're glowing
jason mraz is a rock star


me and my awful ignorance with my camera.
but it's the sexy swedes ;)

man. i am so wiped out. my body is not happy with me. and i didn't really do all that much. but it was a pretty good weekend. i had a good time. i took the cbest. man.. i have not taken standardized testing in so long. it was a little awkward. i even felt a little awkward sitting in the desk/table thingymajigys.. and that's only be a couple month.. but still. whoa.. flashback to high school. it was okay except i was really tired and it took awhile for me to focus. so i hope that i passed. i was going to go back and double check all of my answers, but i got lazy and decided it was good enough. my essays, however, were true to form and quite craptacular like everything else i write .. but i still hope it's good enough to pass. or else i will cry.

afterwards i came home to an ant infested kitchen, so i cleaned as i tried to convince carrie to come with me to san diego and waited for vivian to arrive. carrie came over later to chill and we watched sweet home alabama.. awwww. and at 5pm vivian finally got here and vivian and i left for del mar and carrie went home. del mar was great.. i wasn't too sad that i missed out on the microbrew festival since i'm not a huge beer drinker. but jason mraz was awesome (as always). i got really excited and shrieked when he played the piano during 0% interest. i didn't know he could play, he apparently is a kick ass piano player. i got to hang out with the crispies, which is great because they are awesome. and aside from the couple making out during the entire show next to us, and the booty dancing girl who kept backing up closer and closer to me, the show was great. :) i got my goods from the crispies as well so that made me all the more excited. later we headed off to the sheblondeswede show @ 828, but stopped by brianne's to pick up some jason mraz placards she saved for me when the closed her wherehouse. yay.. more paraphernilia that i have no room for. haha. but when i get my own apartment/house again it will be so cute :) in my new room i might put up my super cute shower curtain on my window. heehee. but we attacked the traffic downtown and went to the 828 show and ate dinner there. i had a yummerific calzone and 4 glasses of coke so i could stay awake during the drive home. i was really tired but it was good to be in san diego and see the show and see friends. :) vivian and i drove back that night, chit chatting so i would stake awake, and i crawled into my bed at 4am.

i slept until 1:30pm when my sissy-poo called me to go out with her. it was good to hang out with my sister, we hardly get to much anymore. we went to costco, gobbled up the samples (mmm) and ate lunch, then went to the mall and my money-bags sister bought tons of new clothes and shoes. but everything looked really cute, and i loved picking things out for other people.. so it's all good. shopping is fun.. too bad i have no money. i was good, i only bought a pair of $6 shoes from payless that are super comfy and go pretty much with everything. plus i could maybe pass them off as both casual and semi-dressy. yay. came home and just chilled with the fam. i tried to clean a little but i have a small headache and am sooooo exhausted. maybe i'll just watch another movie and crochet in bed. sounds like a plan stan.

so yea.. i'm an unemployed loser still. so it might look like i'm going to go torture carrie at her work.. and just show her how incomptent i can be. i talked to the hr person at e! and she said she's going to try to get me to PA for fashion week.. which be kind of exciting. temporary, but money and kind of cool. hah. maybe i'll see my name on tv again.

thursday i chilled, woke up late, and then had lunch and ran errands with beth. and ate ice cream.. yuuummm.. plus i got my JEREMY JORDAN cd in the mail. i was SO excited.. just like a little school girl. probably because i was in middle school when we was my heartthrob. i blasted his cd and the "right kind of love" from my car and i'm sure everyone thought i was retarded.. but it was great. i've wanted that cd for so long and i got it for $5 on ebay... i heart ebay. and it was only so expensive because i added the extra insurance just in case it wouldn't get lost.. or else it would have been like $3. but i took no chances on jeremy jordan.

today my parents left for their weekend in palm springs with joey's family. i ushered them out of the house as quickly as possible, thinking it would be great.. but it was actually kind of lonely because i had no friends come over and have a raging wild "your parents are away" party and no boyfriend to play house with. so i am lame and went to costco (twice), michaels and jamba juice for dinner. watched tv, sat on the internet and studied for my cbest which i am taking in 7 hours. yea.. that mean i should probably be sleeping.

*thank you beth for letting me blow off my steam*

today was okay.. a little blah. i should have been more productive. but i guess i can only remedy that tomorrow with extra productiveness.

i got a wake up call from carrie who was talking about all sorts of things. i amazingly was coherent enough to talk back. it was 10am.. hahah man i am lazy. later my mom called and wanted to have me go with her to pick out rugs on her lunch hour. she probably just mostly wanted me for the manual labor.. but oh well. then we went to lunch at burger kind where i really wanted to try the chicken caesar salad club. it was alright. afterwards i picked up a few things for my dinner "date" and then went home to chill out with my sister for a few minutes. it was crazy.. my dad came home for lunch and left some liquid on the table... which the ants promptly attacked. so they was this liquid, with an outline of ants around the shape and a million other ants swarming to the festivities. and it was way gross, so i figured i'd leave it for my dad to clean (since i cleaned up the ant attack last night.. gross). but 30 minutes later.. all the liquid was gone!! and a little while after that.. all the ants were gone too! they sucked up all the liquid (i didn't know they had mouths) and cleaned the table and then left. wow.. it was like magic. i was soo impressed.. and a little weirded out.. but was glad i didn't have to clean that up and have ants crawling all over me. :P

later i drove to westwood to have dinner and a couch potato session with carrie. it was just a relax, have a good time and let go of frustrations time.. complete with pizza, buffalo wings and cheesecake. such piggies. we watched sex in the city, teen choice awards, big brother and pepsi smash... oooh yea. jason mraz rocks.. and i have a great new appreciation for maroon5.

tomorrow(today) i find out whether or not i'm still going to be an unemployed loser.

so it's been a pretty good couple of days..and i've been a bit antisocial.. and now i guess i'm just in a complacent mood. although i have no real reason to be.

saturday i hung out with my parents. we went to go eat at this chinese place trying to be american in monterey park.. it was interesting. like pf chang.. where there's "fusion" asian food, it's all posh and chic and cool, but this place was okay.. but people like it, it was super busy and my parents love this place, so it's all good. i had steak and shrimp.. heheh. then we went to go buy vegetarian food and then went over to joey's apartment to meet up with his mom. we sat around and chatted and waited for his family to get there, and once they did my parents chatted it up. that night i just chilled, i wanted to go watch american wedding.. but i am a loser with no friends, so i just stayed home.

sunday i went to disneyland!! yay! sakura flaked out (loser!!) and so it was me, carrie, nicole and armando. i finally got to ride on the ferris wheel with the swinging gondolas because nicole and carrie refuse everytime, so armando was my "scary" ride partner. seriously girls.. it's not that bad. but they are self-proclaimed wusses, so it's alright. we did the usual, roller coaster, grizzly rapids (where we got soooo soaked- my underwear was wet allll day- sorry if you had to sit in my seat after me. and we had to share a raft with the chinese tourists who cut us!!), the rollercoaster, and we also rode the new winnie the pooh ride! and king arthur's carousel. it was good times, we also ate lots of food. we're such piggies. it was a good time.. i *heart* disneyland. that night i was so tired and i was going to go to bed so early. i fell asleep, and then beth called and we talked for a few hours and then i went online and talked to phily for a few more hours! yikes.. but i had really great conversations with both of them. they rock.. quiero tu cuerpo philly!! jas jas jas! hahahaha.

needless to say i went to bed quite late and woke up late on monday... but i got a call from E! and set up an interview. whoo hoo!! i was kind of excited.. and to celebrate i watched two weeks notice.. which is way mushy and girly and made me depressed all over again. :P but it was good.. and i did some random stuff until annie's show last night at the acoustic playhouse. it was good.. she only played 4 songs, i wish she could have played more. maybe next time. today i had my interview. and it was okay. i think i did alright, but i also never know... so... we'll see. only time will tell. if i'm crying on thursday.. you'll know why. but maybe i'll go do a two week stint with carrie. hahaha.. but i'd be scared working for her.. she's intimidating and scary. and i'd be so scared of doing a bad job or not doing things right, or not understanding what she wanted.. i'd like fumble and stumble all over myself. i'm such a loser. but at least i'd have some money.. and maybe carrie will buy me lunch everyday.. har har har. :P i also have to do some heavy duty cleaning in the next two weeks, as well as study for the cbest this week (my reading comprehension sucks) and maybe trek down to sd saturday. busy busy.

so i broke down today and applied at tgi friday's and cpk for jobs. i would have also gone to the gap (well i actually did) but the manager i wanted wasn't there.. so i will just wait another week. i don't know if i've given up hope of getting a "real" job.. or i just want the money, or i just need something to get me out of the house. or maybe i'm just not quite ready to enter the "real" world yet. although when i need that medical insurance/dentist or eye appt.. i will be screaming for help.

to top it off my mother started lecturing me again. i don't know if it the "i know you're not moving out so i can treat you like shit again" motivation or what.. but yea. i don't know. at least i'm not getting the "i want grandchildren" or "you better not be gay" lectures like some people (haha).. but i did get the "do you think just sitting of your ass all day is making you fat? because i do" lecture. fantastic.

in other words i had a date with sakura tonight :) now that i've introduced her to the chocolate wonderland at chili's she is hooked. we had a second dinner and a great dessert and a tiny bit of alcohol. just like real grown ups.. and then went back home to our parents. wow.. i am a huge loser.