work work work.. i don't know how i end up with a layer of dirt on my stomach... does the dirt seep through the shirt?! THAT'S how dirty that warehouse is.

but enough about that... this isn't a real real blog..not in my usual style.. i just really don't know what to do, and my journal is packed up in a box somewhere in the backyard.. so my blogger is going to suffice for now. i REALLY don't know what to do in terms of my jobness. i have an interview on tuesday for a friend of a friend of my sister's... so that's good. although i'm at a low point right now and i feel like i won't get it (like all those other jobs i interviewed for). a friend's mom of mine said that i need to get a job.. even if it was at the gap.. to boost my morale because being rejected so many times can be blows to your self-confidence and it drags you down to where you don't want to even try anymore. i think for me it's a little bit of that in combination with my laziness. i'm horrible. but anyways.. so back to this dilemma of san diego. i talked to my sister today and in her usual "do it on your own" tone we talked a little bit. i hadn't called the real world lady yet because i wasn't even sure if i wanted to do it, like if it was a possibility. but she said i should call anyways... but then i got to thinking.. that maybe i could just do it anyways.. go for that non-pay in san diego.. try to get a job at gap or a restaurant and work for ucsd ica (i KNOW i could always get that.. but it's not enough) find a place to live.. blah blah. does that seem too insane? am i just going for the superficiality and commercialism of being a part of the mtv chain? is it just a fantasy? or can i make it a reality. i've always been a huge wuss when it comes to making decisions. i always ask everyone i know.. what should i do, what should i do... because i'm not strong enough to make decisions on my own? or that i think that i'll make the wrong ones? i don't know.. but i am so indecisive because i don't like to mess up or face rejection.. which many times i have ended up in the sh*t pile. i mean.. look at my roommate situations for the past years.. i am awful. but i guess i'll call, talk to the lady, hope she's nice, pray that she offers me a job (not likely)... but see what she has to say anyways.. talk about interning.. see what it requires.. and then think if it's possible. argh.. i hate the real world too.. (haha.. no pun intended.. ironic huh?)