tonight i'm helping my mom pack. she's going to taiwan for a while. good.. she needs a vacation. as much as i am elated that i will not have the constancy of her nagging everyday, i do feel a little bit bad for feeling so happy that she will be leaving. but also i wonder what it will be like when she's not here to make me go to bed, make sure i'm up and have a good breakfast to eat. will my father and i just run amuck? and when my dad leaves will i just totally wild? or totally lame. hahah. i think the later is a huge possibility. i also felt very sad for my mom today. we've realized that my sister's wedding may be earlier than planned and so my mom is worried about being able to take some more time off again. seeing as how my sister's wedding will be in taiwan, it's not just a weekend trip (although if you really had to you could, but my mom isn't that kind of person that could handle that.) so she tried saying that she'd take off without pay, or some other stuff. and in the end she said that she might even just quit her job. which is awful. i don't know.. she was telling me over the phone today and then she said she was going to start crying. she just felt so bad and was so worried and so angry and depressed and there was nothing that i could do to help. sure i make my mom furious all the time and she yells at me for stupid crap that could probably be avoided, but somehow this situation just seems much worse. that i'm so helpless for my parents at times. her work even said that "well tell your daughter you can't be at her wedding" who says that? who doesn't want to see their first daughter get married. i dunno.. ugh.

in lighter events tonight is convention for cnh cki. it's so weird not being there and not spending so much time and effort gearing up for it. my parents have become accustomed to me being off doing cki stuff when i was supposed to be home. my dad asked me (because i said i was going to convention this weekend) that shouldn't i be leaving already? hah. not that i'm lamenting or depressed and wishing that i could be chanting "cal nev ha" or "i feel good!" but for the past four years i've spent this weekend at convention doing all that crap and it's just so odd to know that it's all happening and i'm not part of that anymore. like that first year when i wasn't in torrance youth council and there'd be spring/fall/christmas boutique (etc.) down the street from me.. i'd be like "wow i remember last year when i was at the park at 4am almost getting run over directing bratty vendors to their spaces." it's weird how something is such a big part of your life and then it's not, but it's still there. hmm.. that's probably why i'm going tomorrow. hah.. i'm such a nerd. i just have a hard time letting go of good memories i guess. (note: i don't in any shape or form wish that i was still cheering/doing awards/caucus whatever.. it was just lots of fun to hang out with good people. it was fun to have something to do :P)

yea i know. i'm lame.