Guess who's not sleeping?! ME. boo. I really should be sleeping because I need to be at the top of my A game, but I like staying up and having fun on the internets. Especially now that I have to actually work work, and don't have much time for stalking people - err.. I mean, cruising the internet during the day, it leaves me no other choice than to do it late at night. Oops.

I survived my first "real" week at new job. Actually, technically my first "real" week is this week, because the first 3 days of this past week didn't really count. Last Friday, I left work at 9:30pm and was too pooped to do anything, so I watched Girl Next Door with the roommate(s). (Yea, I said it.) I wonder if this Friday and weekend I will just be so plain damn exhausted. I'm going to have to get used to real work again, and then some. I remember when I would rack up the hours when I worked on Pirates, or the 90 hour work week I put in before the Halloween party, or the crazy stuff I did before SIGGRAPH - and yet it never quite tired me out like this. Okay, maybe it did and I just can't remember, so in a year or two, I'll be like "yea.. that was a piece of cake." There was a little bit of drama in the workplace, and I had a few silent mental crises, but it might turn out okay. One thing I'm going to have to change (effective now... did you notice?!) Is that I'm going to have to stop typing in all lower case. I mean, I'm fully capable of typing properly, but I would do the all lower case because I thought it was "cute." In chats, or non-important emails. But now that I take notes ALL the time, I sometimes slip into the "quick" habit of all lower case format, and then it's a huge pain in the ass to go back and edit. So I'm trying to be efficient.

I went to a "dinner party" (not the "adult" version because it was a potluck and we mostly stood around a counter and ate off paper plates, but that's okay) and towards the end of the night the conversation veered towards boys/relationships/dating etc. I'm a pretty non-girly person, sometimes. Among some of my friends, I'm the ridiculous girly silly one. Among other of my friends, I'm the weird cold one. I think that's strange that I can be so, varied. I was definitely a little bit of a whiney mess on Friday (I'm going to attribute it to my tiredness.) And it was a little out of character for my friend who had to deal with it that never encountered it before. It was amusing to listen to said friend react. And also put me in my place because I felt like a RetardFace for being that way. Tonight's conversation helped reinforce just how "crazy" girls are. Some of them REALLY are, and I don't get it because I'm so not crazy like that, yet I'm in the same pool as they are, or maybe even worse. (And by worse, I simply mean not going on any dates at all.) I'm not sure where I stand on this whole dating thing. While I'm not all crazy about it, I would like someone who "get me" as Angelee likes to put it. That's not such a bad thing. There is something to be said for such companionship. Finding that person is hard and it's weird because I also don't really try that hard, so what am I complaining about. Who knows. Maybe because I feel like I "try", but I'm really not, or I feel like I shouldn't have to, but I'm not really better than that. Who knows, I don't, and at this point, I'm just rambling so I'll stop now.

Here's a fun story for you.

A week or two ago, I met this guy in the grocery store. In an very unlike me way, I made eye contact, smiled, and GBboy responded well. Good job. We chatted, I ended up giving him my number (I told you, SO not me.) and we said we'd do coffee the next day because we found out we worked down the street from each other. We called and texted and ended meeting up, and I found out that this is not the person for me. Not because he was a bad person, but just because we are at different places in our lives and where he is in his life, is so not anywhere I can be. He may have sensed that I wasn't into it, or maybe he wasn't, but GBboy mentioned I should call him later, and I may have said yes or no, I can't remember, but bottom line is, if he was interested, he should done something about it. Which he didn't, and I was perfectly fine with. I texted him later, because I have some weird issue about maintaining relationships, or I felt sorry for him and thought he might need a friend, or I was just trying to "practice" or I secretly wanted his attention because I wasn't getting it. Who knows, I could have deep issues. And then on a drunken party night, I called him when I got home at 2:30am. Nothing good happens after 2am I was bored and tipsy and I do stupid thing when I get bored. I woke him up and he was all about talking to me, even though I insisted he should go back to sleep. (Oh and this was after I texted him asking what he was up to that night and I got the reply "parting!!!!" <-- no I did not spell that wrong.) Obviously if I'm calling at 2:30am, my intentions of wanting to hang out are kind of clear, but he was in BFE. He said I should go meet him up there, to which my reply was "Hell No." And then he asked if he got all his stuff together and drove down here, if I would be awake and I said "Nope, I'll be sleeping." GBboy kept trying to get me to go there to BFE and get him, and even pulled out some "My mother is sick in Venice and needs a kidney. Can you come get me so that I can give her my kidney?" And when I said no, he tells me "It'll be your fault when my mom dies." and then later on "So, you saw right through my lie, huh?" Umm.. no, shit. What?! Who does/says things like that. Or really, who says things like that and expects someone to fall for them. He asked if we could hang out the next day, and I think I may have said yes, but before a certain time (hey, I'm a busy girl) and yet he still didn't call. Failure to follow through. But I'm okay, because I was planning on avoiding the call anyways. But really?! Is this what people who are actively trying to find a soul mate deal with? Cuz this is TERRIBLE. Needlessly to say I am DONE with GBboy. Drunk, bored, or whatever. Today when I was at the store, I was kind of scanning the area though. I hope I don't have to find a new grocery store, but I won't. Because this whole thing is amusing to me.

Okay - that was my story for today. I'll leave you with one more excerpt.

ben: oh man. im watching the last episode of dawson's creek
ben: tear!
Jean: haha
Jean: yea.. that shit is terrible
Jean: the ending sucked
ben: youre ridiculous
ben: pacey + joey ftw!
Jean: LAME
Jean: nicole said she watched it yesterday at 2am
Jean: and cried
Jean: you guys are gay
ben: ive already teared up a bit
ben: when jack finds out jen is gonna die
ben: so sad!
Jean: so gay!
ben: yeh whatever
ben: you have a cold heart

Nicole cried for A HALF HOUR over this same episode, and when I told her she was lame, she also told me I have no heart. I'm never going to find someone. Haha.

"When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True Story."