the past weekend has been alright. more of the relatives hanging out, and more of the eating out. saturday i was all set to clean and maybe be productive, but carrie called and said she was at del amo, so i went to go meet her. she's such a bad influence!! we ate, and shopped a little, and i went to go return the shirt i bought and we had some good "eye candy" as carrie called it with the nordstrom's salesboys. mmm. yummy. afterwards we went to the cheesecake factory for appetizers and dessert for dinner and chatted some more. it was good times. yet again she cheered me up for a bit. thanks again :) i swear.. if i was a lesbian i'd date her... she's pretty much my girlfriend already. oops.. i mean sugar mama.

sunday i was going to stay home and clean, but we went out to dim sum with my cousins and aunt and uncle. it was yummy as well, but i was feeling pretty not-hungry. maybe it was my too tight pants. but hey.. afterwards sherry, joan and i did a little shopping and then went to joan's where we hung out and watched tv and the beginning of just married. we just hung out for a little bit and then met up with sherry's parents for dinner at their hotel. and then sherry left for her flight and joan took me home. eric also left for taiwan a little later that night. i got in a few hours of quite solitude where i sent off a few resumes. and i also got to start my new harry potter book that i had bought earlier that day. oh yah. i'm excited ..

today i was maybe going to do some more job hunting but vicky (my cousin) called me and so i went with her and her husband edwin to meet up with joan and jeff for lunch. then we hung out at joan's place, where i watched some more tv and tivo.. :) and then my dad and mom came over later to make dumplings (yummm) for vicky and edwin's last dinner in la. it was good times, and i just got to chill and hang out and watch tv, without being yelled at. :) but i also helped cook dinner and my dad kept telling me "do this.. assistant" "come on trainee" it was funny. but i'm pretty beat now, so bed is coming soon.

but lately i have been feeling down a little bit. because so many times i feel like i'm stuck and i'm going nowhere. this mostly refers to my lack of money and job hunt replies. it's not that i don't like to live at home.. but there are time when i just can't stand it. and my mother tries to blame it on me.. like she said that if i can't live with her and her asking me to "tone it down" and me being happy... then she can't really help it. but i think that it's worse than she makes it out to be.. or just that our perceptions of what "reasonable" is. i just maybe really can't stand being restrained like i'm in middle school again now that i've had the four years of freedom. and i don't need to be a wild child and go out to bars, and come home drunk with a handful of guys or anything. but i just hate to be lectured everytime i want to go out with my friends or when i talk on the phone for long periods of times or late at night. or even when i get yelled at when i go to bed late or stay in bed until 1. it's not just little things, but the times when we fight, it just makes me a very horrible person, someone i don't want to be. but yea.. but it's hard because i don't have money saved up, don't have a job and my potential roommate needs to move soon. it's a big dilemma. so to make a long story short, i need a job. badly.