so i don't feel really like blogging, but i feel like working even less.. so here i am :P so far today i've checked my email, read everyone's blogs, and balanced my check book... it's good times. today one of my co-worker's said to me (sarcastically) "you always sound so happy to come in here in the morning." i do.. well do i? or am i just not a morning person. but i think i've seriously begun to really hate this job... i do even less work than i did before. :P

anyhoo.. sorry to have reverted back to the "i hate my job" posts.. i know those get boring, because who doesn't hate their job? well a lot of people, but anyways. last weekend was okay.. a combination of work and going out. friday for the first time in a long while sakura and i went to the "pain in the butt" class @ bally's together. working out and feeling lame because you can't lift flimsy 3 lb weights is always funner when you have a friend. that night i went out with nicole, mike, beth and ryan.. because i left my id at home we didn't get to go to the cool ski lodge themed "best new bar in LA"... sorry.. we ended up at the union cattle co and then the kettle. there was a little puking, but not from me :P although with two drinks and one shot i was pretty toasty, which is good i guess. i almost passed out in the kettle.. i was tired. i avoided my mom's evil eye that night .. so the rest of the weekend i had to be good, so stayed home and worked. although i didn't actually do any cleaning or "good stuff" not going out is okay as well.

monday i didn't go to work and instead i went to my interview for the internship @ star 98.7. sounds pretty exciting right? except i'm not really eligible. i have to find a way to get credit for it, and the people at elco (where i spent the afternoon) are soooo unhelpful. ack. i also found out that they're filming a movie @ elco with adam sandler and chris rock. i wish i could just walk up and be like "can i have a job?" but it's just not that easy. damn. i got a call about a job, that doesn't seem quite as exciting as the internship @ star, but it's paid... so i don't know how i feel. my interview is friday, so maybe i will love it after i see it. i hope so. i mean.. seeing as how the internship might not even be possible anyways.. but i got a mini tour of some of the facilities and they looked so cool.. i'd learn a lot about audio editing (thanks giovanna and comt175.. haha) and the way the job sounded when the lady described it, it seemed so... mundane and interney, even though i wasn't the intern. i know you gotta pay your dues, but i doubt they'd have me washing their dishes at star. i dunno.. i have this awful feeling that i will end up with nothing and be back here in my temp job forever and ever and ever. i tried to figure out numbers for if i got the job and if i moved out.. i don't even know if it'd be possible. how do people do it?! i hate that the world always revolves around money. i really want the star gig... i wish i could do both. i want to do everything, that is my problem. i turned down doing stage managing for the play that i did sm'ing for last year.. because i don't really have the time, and my schedule is still so up in the air. i felt really sad though, i really wanted to do it again. i want the job, i want the internship, i want to do the play, i want to still work at hockey, and i want the gap discount (haha.. without working :P) i want live on my own but without having to pay for anything :P i'm so fuckin greedy.

monday was nice though.. i met kathy up in h.wood @ hollywood and highland and we had a last lunch before her and her friend chris from england go back up north. sad.. it was really fun hanging out and talking with kathy. and now that we don't have that whole cki thing bothering us it was that much better. too bad we didn't get to hang out longer. sucks. but it was fun.. she's going to UCDC in the fall... she's going to have so much fun. (that's something else i wanted to do.. stinking cki.)

tuesday i had lunch with linh from steve's, but we ate it at her house with her loud ass dog that kept barking at me. it scared me a few times, and although i was assured it wouldn't bite, it's intimidating as hell :P that night i was supposed to go to my sister's and maybe later meet up with ryan, nicole, maritza and norma.. but none of that happened because... i got in a fight with my mom. ack.. story of my life. it was dumb, and me my mom just have this huge inability to communicate at all... so i just ended up sleeping all night. my mom likes to complain about how our house is so messy, but a lot of it is stuff that i can't really sort/clean. so if i try to do it, my mom just watches me, standing there, telling me how to do it and then yells at me if i don't do it her way, or if i question her methods. doesn't that seem like a colossal waste of time? if she's gonna do that, she should just do it herself.. i dunno.. but this is why no one wants to clean, because no one can.. but she constantly wants people to help out.. it's a vicious cycle. so for the past few i've been pretty quiet and homebody. for fear of going out, fear of my mom yelling at me more (although she's not really talking to me right now) and just in a general anti-social mood. sorry.. i do feel really lame guys.. i suck. thanks to nicole who has been calling and checking in. mucho appreciated. someone told me that if i get a real job and i still live at home my mom will ease up a bit. i wonder if that's true. i don't know. i feel like such a fuckin failure sometimes.. everyday these words come out of my parents mouth "so.. what kind of work are you looking for.." "you know if you lost weight, you'd be pretty" "so when are you going to find a real job" "when are you going to go to the gym" "you should find a job where you can get health benefits" "you're so fat" i know that all these things are true, but contrary to popular belief.. i don't enjoy hearing it everyday. thanks. growing up sucks.