i hate that if i leave my house at 7:30am then i will get here around 8am. but if i leave my house at 7:40am or 7:36ish even, that i get here right before 8:30. seriously.. what the heck? i mean.. i "understand" why.. but i don't get it... in the sense that i don't want to understand.. because it shouldn't make sense... but it does. stupid.

last night i had to work and when i got home i was "planning" on going to bed right away. of course my plans to go to bed at a decent hour never pan out the way i want them to. my mom had me burn some of my sister's news and wedding dvd's for our relatives, and those take awhile.. finally at 1:30am i deciding to give up and continue them another day. i was so beat that i just went sleep. my mom woke me up later.. and i was SO tired.. but she kept yelling at me and i thought she wanted me to get out of bed and go to work. so finally i got out of bed and but then i realized she wanted me to take out my contacts. sure.. i know i know.. i'm supposed to take them out everyday. but i've started to become more and more lazy about it and sometime i just sleep with them in, which i'm not supposed to do because it dehydraes my eyes, and i could scratch my cornea (which i think i've done before) and some other awful stuff, but hell i do it anyways because it's one less thing to do in the morning. awful right? so my mom hoisted me out of bed at like 2:30am.. and i was SO cranky. i am so not a morning person.. or a wake up when i'm sleeping person. but waking up this morning was not much better.. i am ti-red.

i feel like i have to let a lot of little things go. that not everything is going to go my way, and i just have to suck it up and deal with it. but i don't want to become (or continue being) the person to who lets so much go that you end up being walked all over. i mean... what are little things and what are dealbreakers? or if there are too many little things too many times, does that equal on big thing to not be happy with? or does that count as one little thing that you can't control and just simply deal with? i don't want to be the kind of person that no one can deal with because i have to have everything my way. i also don't want to be constantly worrying about making other people happy, or constantly stressed out that i'm not doing everything how everyone else wants it. people want to hang out with other people that are "fun" but if you worry so much about "being fun" then it's not fun anymore. just like constantly trying to "be cool".. there's a point where you're trying to hard and you're so not it. my dad told me once that if i don't learn to forgive people then i'll be miserable. but does forgiveness equal forgetting, or does it just mean you're over it and you won't be that way again. i'm far too nostalgic and wussy at this point to just say "eff you" and just leave people in the dark.. sometimes i wish i could be that kind of person, and then sometimes i'm glad i'm not a fatty jerk.. but i hate feeling like such a sucker sometimes.

argggh.. i also hate how i don't have enough time in the day. i want to do too many things.. but they all pile on top of each other. my work wants me to work this "team israel vs. team mexico" game tonight which is "huge" or so they say. and that could be kind of exciting right? just like real life mighty ducks.. hehhe. but i have to go buy some stuff for my friend's bday and the place closes @ 9pm.. and i was supposed to buy it tonight to give to someone tomorrow.. but i'm trying to see if it can wait until later, but i was supposed to go to my sisters and record some dvd's for her.. and i'm also supposed to hang out with my mom and do some other junk and then.. arrrggh. i wish my work days weren't so long.. i can never get anything done. especially with time constraints of stores closing and gotta be there at whatever time.. blah blah blah.. and it's ridiculous that i get sad whenever i can't do "everything" i feel like i'm missing out or something .. when i have a million other things to do. lame. :P i do want to go to disneyland relatively soon.. can we go sometime? soon please? i'd go by myself, but that's kind of no fun. hmm.. what else do i want to do :P