here is a picture/card i got from jeff and joan for happy new year's greetings! isn't it purtty. this is taipei 101 (i think from through jeff's office window). i edited it a little to make it smaller and more blog friendly.. but i really like it.

happy new year!!

i'm kind of tired, and i don't really want to blog, but i feel like i should. when did blogging become a chore? hahah.. i also have a sink full of dishes that i "should" wash... but blogging is just a tad bit less annoying :P

i have had the weirdest sleeping schedule. i've been trying to kick the uber bad jet lag (sleep @ 8am, until 4pm) habit so i've been trying to wake up a little bit earlier, but then i get REALLY tired and then crash like at 8pm or so, and then wake up at 3am and not be able to get to sleep. which is the worst! plus.. it's weird to me because when have i only been able to sleep 7 hours? i have slept for 12 or 14 hours before, why is my body stopping at 7? so last night i naturally woke up at 3am, and couldn't - no matter how hard i tried - get back to bed until 7am-ish or so. i slept until 11am, and i've been okay and 11pm seems like an okay time to go to bed. i hope i don't wake up at 6am. i wanted to have a sex and the city marathon in my room hoping it will entice me to clean it, but i haven't gotten around to that yet either. chores chores chores... so much that i need to do before i start work (yikes!!) next week and really am too pooped to do anything.

so yea.. starting the new job. i'm a little scared and a little excited all at the same time. it's nice to finally have a "real job" but i'm apprehensive hoping that i don't suck and they fire me on the first day. of course that's never happened to me and i'm a "quick learner" or so my resume says.. so i should be able to handle it right? i'm still on my "probational" period to make sure i like the job and more importantly they like me... so... i'm hoping it goes well. and that i really like it... it's not just something i'm putting up with. because that's a good quality to have in a job right?

christmas eve and christmas was uneventful but still nice and fun. since it was just me and my dad no real big hoopla. i opened one gift on christmas eve (as it's something me and my sister always did) and then rest on christmas. i didn't get a lot of presents this year, but just from my good friends. my parents don't really do presents anymore, and jeff and my sister's is coming when i choose it.. if that makes sense to you.. if not, oh well. but it's a present, just not one i could open. but i gave my sister a bunch of sporadic christmas gifts, random cutesy stuff i'd buy because i thought of her, and then one big thing she really wanted, but couldn't buy for herself because it wasn't something she "needed".. but isn't that was christmas presents are for?! :) i think after i bought that for her, she says "you want to know what your christmas present is?" hahah... so i got it early, which isn't much of a surprise.. but i think that seeing a reaction or knowing how much they like it is a good trade off for opening present early when you're together.

before christmas i also went to beth and ryan's holiday party. it was fun, i had a good time chatting with nicole and craig in our "non-torrance" or should i say "non-north high" (because i'm torrance too!!) section of the room. the gift exchange was interesting i guess.. beth tried to "save me" but it was kind of a failed effort... but thanks for the thought. only your good friends will take a gift dive for you. :P i kept saying "i should get going" but never actually did until much much later... being distracted by conversation, poker, and then more conversation - i didn't get home until 5:30am or so.. but don't tell my dad that :P i just said "i dunno"

my aunt has been here.. but it's been kind of blah since she's been sick or sleeping a lot. not sure if it's jet lag, making up for the past months of sleep deprivation or both - but my mom's schedule is out of whack as well. so during the days i just want to go out, since i'm not really doing anything at home and sometimes everyone is sleeping... but then my mom makes me feel all guilty - like all i ever do is go out, or i dunno. why can't i clean the house? it's hard because so much of the mess isn't mine... so where would i start? what would i do? argh. plus i hate to feel like i'm just 'wasting my time' like.. i think that's why i have such time issue problems. i pack so many things in because i like to feel like i've used up every second of my time and i'm not wasting my time waiting around when i could have been doing something else. except it usually backfires and i end up being late. but the point of this story was that if i'm just at home watching tv or sitting around with my parents - i'd like to be out doing other things. but then comes the guilt trips... anyways.. this isn't making any sense i'm sure. so i'll stop.

earlier this week sakura, beth and i went to meet up with hailes for dinner at lucille's bbq. everyone except for sakura had never been there, so it was a good time and the food was really good - so we were happy. afterwards jimmy joined us and we watched meet the fockers. i guess i haven't watched a movie when it first came out in awhile because i didn't expect the theatre to be so crowded. i guess it is the more popular movie theatre in the area, and it's holiday break and it's only been out a week, but we walked in during previews and it took us forever to find seats and we had to split up. crazy. during the movie i heard the sound of water running and realized it was really hard rain - and everyone in the theater was murmuring a little. and then after the movie we found out that there was a tornado warning in torrance (which is so weird!) around the time we heard the hard rain, and it was pretty rainy and windy when we got out of the theatre. the tornado actually went through inglewood - which isn't that far from torrance, but it's crazy that we even have tornadoes out here. while driving home though we got pulled over and the cops were all like "i smell quite a bit of alcohol - is anyone drinking back there" which of course we replied "no".. because we weren't - but isn't that the standard answer anyways?! it was a little scary - and i thought the cops were going to give me a ticket for not wearing my seat belt (which i tried to put on in the stealth right before they pulled us over).. but afterwards we said they were just trying to fulfill their quotas and hoping to get lucky pulling over a car full of youngins with shady lookin' hailes in the front seat :P hah...

while at the origins store with sakura, i wasn't intending to buy anything but got suckered into some pricey pore cleanser mask. i hope it works. that's what i was doing at 3am this morning when i couldn't sleep :P it stung a little at first, but when i washed it off it didn't seem to work like the miracle the girl at the store said it was... but i guess that's her job, and it's not going to happen in one day eh? i just thought that was funny. who knew you could own so many products for your face and for your skin. i guess you do have to work so hard to keep it looking good. last night during my insomnia i used the mask, then washed my face, then some toner, then some lotion and then some clearasil. crazyness.. if i had had some biore strips i probably would have done that too. hah. have you ever seen though biore type masks for your whole face?! that must be uncomfortable. :P

my, it's raining so hard!! i hope our back patio constructed roof doesn't leak too much. i'm really not into cleaning up moldy wet messes.. not to mention have all of our stuff drenched.

anyways.. i should get going back to sleep, but i just wanted to post a quick cute conversation between me and my dad

radio chatter: "knx 1070 checking the traffic... it's cats and dogs all over..."
my dad: "cats and dogs? what does that mean, raining a little? here's a little cats, here's a little dogs?"
me: "no.. 'it's raining cats and dogs' it's an expression, it means it's raining a lot."
my dad: "what? that makes no sense, they should say 'it's raising horse and cattle' they're bigger."

where does that expression even come from?

haha. :)

merry christmas!!

hahah.. sucks for these kids. remember, don't be naughty. :)

so.. i lately i have been slightly obsessive with this song.. it's been on repeat, so i thought i'd post it. you should check this girl out.. she's good.. i like her.. and if you don't trust my musical tastes, pete has pretty good taste in music and he really likes her, and not just because she's hot :P it's one of his favorites - tristan prettyman.

Well I can
See you on the horizon like a
Storm that’s soon to be and is it
So bad to be in love with a memory
Of you, smiling back at me
And it was subtle but it was, yeah it was subtle
But it was sexy

And I suppose I could tell you how I feel
But even I don't know if its really real
Baby, baby...
One day I will show you so you can see
The secret behind the mystery

See, baby, it's like this
I think I kinda just want your kiss
Just for the thrill and just to maybe to miss
You, or when you go, and just so I know
That it can and it does get better than this,
cuz you know love is just a hit and miss
you run and you jump and you sink
It happens more than you would think…

And I suppose I could tell you how I feel
But see I'd rather play it cool than keep it real
Baby, baby...
One day I will show you so you can see
The secret behind the mystery...

And it's just one of those days
when you’d wish it rain already
and the sky’s no ordinary shade of gray

But you make it ok...

And maybe you should know
That I do have a crush on you
cuz see your trap you know I fell right through
with me its always something new

To see..

I suppose I could tell you how I feel
But the moment was magic, it was so surreal
and i swear one day I will let you know
that I do, oh I do, oh I love you so...

the kiss - tristan prettyman

two more things that i hate about taiwan that i forgot to post were squat toilets and bug bites. and another thing i love about taiwan is getting my hair washed. do they even do that at salons here? like just hair washing and massaging? oh well i am back.. :) in some weird way i totally miss it and want to go back forever. it's odd. my cousin and my mom were all like "you can change your return date and just go home later" which is weird because my cousin didn't hang out with me until the last day... so i was like "yea.. right. :P" but oh well.. i'll just have to go back again or something. we'll see. the last few days were kind of draining because i got in more fights with my parents.. so it was a little rough, but i think things are smoothed over by now. i hope when my mom comes back on sunday she is in a good mood.

sunday night i spent the night at my uncle's house with my mom and on the way home from the bus stop we passed by a bakery and i got my mom a birthday cake. so we went up to the apartment and my uncle had bought my mom a cake too! (haagen daas..mmm.) so we had to mini cakes and champagne that my uncle had also bought, it was really cute, and i think my mom was really happy. it was fun :) i spent the night watching i, robot and under the tuscan sun... and didn't go to sleep until really late, but it was okay. under the tuscan sun was cute but i definitely liked the italian guy marcello way better than whoever she ended up with. hah.. he is my new crush.

monday i spent the day hanging out with my mom. i went with her to go get her hair done and i got my hair shampooed and in the end a little cut and trim. but it was such an ordeal! my mom really likes this lady and she really wanted me to get my hair cut, but i really didn't want her to trim my hair.. i don't know why.. because i think that she just didn't know what i wanted, so i didn't want her to mess it up. i adamantly refused several times and my mom kept saying "i'll give you $1000 NT if you don't like it" or "i'll pay for you plane ticket" or "i'll buy you this or that" but i kept saying no telling her that if i was ugly that none of that stuff mattered.. and in the end she pushed me so much i just started crying (what a baby.. i know) and said "fine! if you want to cut it so bad, just cut it" and i was really pissed off.. i knew the lady wasn't going to totally destroy it.. and my mom had said that she wanted me to cut it because she could tell that my hair was "poorly cut" like the ends or whatever.. and i thought that that comment had some merit since my hair was cut by a hair cutting student so i figured she could just fix it and i'm sure it wouldn't be too horrible. and in the end it isn't so bad, she just styled it wrong, like i thought she would.. but i ran the flat iron over my hair and it's okay now. styling makes a big difference with this haircut i have noticed. i can no longer just go out with my hair wet anymore.. damn. too high maintenance for me.

that night we and a lot of our closer family went out for my mom's bday celebration. it was this pretty nice japanese restaurant that my sister and brother in law picked. they had taken my mom there before and she liked it and their vegetarian cuisine was not just salad or pasta like my mom usually has to put up with so it was good. it was a really fun night and everyone seemed to enjoy themselves and i think that made my mom happy and we had birthday cake again so that was fun. the night turned a little bad when i couldn't decide where to stay the night because my aunt & uncle wanted to spend time with me, and i thought my mom was making other plans, so i said i'd go over to my grandma's to spend the night, and my mom was like "fine if you want to break our plans, then do it" and i got really scared .. so i just went with her. but we went shopping back a shih lin night market .. and it was all good. we bought a lot more stuff and then i came home and watched my illegal movies that i bought (such a horrible person!) the quality is a little bad.. but not totally unwatchable.. although one movie was in french, so i gave that away, and another movie is pretty bad, but i didn't have time to go back an exchange it, so i'll take that as a loss.

tuesday i had lunch with my "aunt" pearl and her family with my mom and dad. they had really good beef noodle soup - the noodles were hand made and fresh and thick.. yum! and afterwards went shopping at yuan ling street market again since my mom hadn't been there yet. even though i already went there, i, of course, found stuff to buy. :P my sister joined us, which is always fun, and we did the family thing. this lady was rude to me, so i told my sister not to buy her sweater. she wanted like $790 NT for this sweater, and i was like i'd only pay $500, and she was like "you know you can't do that here, you can try to sass or bargain like that because we're already so cheap here, no one here likes it..." and i was like whatever, lady... it's a street market.. you ALWAYS bargain. and we bargained at other places so screw you. rude. and then it was the first day of winter, so in taiwan they eat "tong yuan" which is like these rice balls either filled with salty meat stuff or sweet sesame or peanut stuff. and i don't why exactly, but you eat them on the first official day of winter.. it's kind of cute. but my dad stood in line for like 45 minutes to buy fresh made ones from this one place. it was kind of crazy, but i think the wait was so long because the guy 2 people in front of him ordered 100 boxes. the ladies were mean too! although i felt kind of bad for them.. my dad first ordered 2 boxes of sweet, and 2 boxes of salty and then my mom was saying how she wanted to get some for her brother, and my sister chimed in that she liked the sweet ones.. and so my dad's like okay lemme have 3 sweet and 3 salty. and the lady was like "NO.. you only ordered 2 of each.. no more!" gawd... tong yuan nazi! and i was like "umm.. my dad waited for like 45 minutes and he can't even get 1 more box.. it's not like we're buying it for someone who doesn't want to wait in line, we're buying it for ourselves" and later on while we were just getting the boxes my mom asked the boss lady (not the nazi) and got the 2 we wanted.. so that was good. :) we went back to my grandma's and had tong yuan.. plus fresh salty ones that my grandma made herself!! they were waaay better than the store ones. mmm.. and then my mom, sister, grandma and i went back to the working house store and the hello kitty store to do some shopping. i wanted to hit up those two stores before i left so we got to do that :) afterwards was big family fight 1 of 2 so that night didn't bode so well... but i spent the whole night packing up all the goods and trying to conserve space so i could take stuff for my mom and went to bed at like 5:30am.

wednesday morning i met up with maurene's friend jen escorted by my cousin, gen-tai, since none of my relatives wanted me cruising the streets of taiwan by myself. we ate breakfast at "mc cafe" which is like a cafe owned by mc donalds, it's very starbucksish inside and they serve coffee and weird meals that aren't mcdonald'sish at all... which was surprising. i had tuna salad sandwiches where the bread was actually waffles. it was interesting... sweet and salty, but pretty good. we just sat and talked, which was fun and i made a new friend :) yay. afterwards i headed to my uncle's to pick up the stuff i left from when i stayed and went back to my grandma's for lunch (beef noodle soup and dumplings from the bestest place near my grandma's house!), my sister came over and we ate, chatted and she watched us pack, and fight 2 of 2 started as me and my dad were leaving. blech. but i'm glad that i got to hang out with my sister for a little bit.. i'm sad that we didn't get to hang out for that long and that we didn't go shopping as i had originally intended.. but we did exchange some more gifts and cards and had some quality hanging out time. i don't know, i really miss my sister and i always want to hang out with her.. maybe that's just the bratty little tag-along sister still inside me. my uncle dropped me and my dad off at the airport where things were up and down, but we got on the plane and i didn't have to sit next to him.. in fact i snatched up a whole row of 3 seats to myself.. so i was pretty content. i got to lay down and no one to bother me and i could look out the window and yet get up to pee without bothering anyone. it was great. i watched princess diaries 2, the bourne supremacy and the thunderbirds (anyone ever heard of that movie before... was it even out in theatres here?) and then slept and ate. we came back wednesday afternoon (wow.. we left on a wednesday afternoon.. it's like time travel!! :P) no problems with baggage (yay) and came back to 6 messages (all for my mom) and stacks of mail to sort through. oh damn.. i gotta pay my credit card bill... i just remembered! anyhoo... that was my trip. i should probably upload the photos soon. i've given out a majority of the presents i bought.. and unpacked a little today (to find the presents).. but i still have this damn jetlag.

i thought i would be okay since i went to bed at 1am yesterday and i was super tired. i woke up at 8am and i was like "hmm lemme sleep for a little while" and did that again at 11am, 2pm, 3pm and then 4pm when my dad came home from work and i figured i should probably get out of bed. awful! i did random stuff, and then went to beth and ryan's christmas party, where i stayed until 5:30am.. insane! dropped off my sister's christmas cards at her office and got home at 6:15am ish. i thought i would try to beat the jet lag and not sleep all day today.. but i don't think that's going to happen since i'm getting a little sleepy now.. (it's midnight in taiwan now).. maybe i'll just sleep until noon - when i'm sure my dad will make me get out of bed and i'm sure i'll be tired by night time. i wonder if i'll do what i did last time and just have jet lag for a whole week since i don't have to go to work. bad bad bad.

yesterday after i got back i met up with nicole at disneyland at night and we watched the holiday fireworks. they were sooooo cute and me and nicole were tearing up. it was so lame.. i mean.. in the way that who knew music and snow fireworks could make you cry?! leave it up to disney... nicole screams "damn you!! stop toying with my emotions!!" i was feeling a little teary but the "i'll be home for christmas" part was what got me. haha.. and although we weren't standing in the right spot for the snow to fall on us, it was still nice. i'll have to go back and really properly see it. maybe 2 or 3 times. and video tape it.. it's that awesome :)

i gotta get to best buy today so i can buy napoleon dynamite for the "first week out" price.. but i'm sooooooo dreading going near any shopping sort of place the day before christmas.. especially when a ton of people have it off. i was going to go to the mall to talk to my boss to see if i should work.. but that seems insane too... maybe i'll just call. they showed this live shot on the news yesterday of the insane parking lot at this crenshaw mall or something and like it was so bad that this car trying to leave couldn't even get out of his parking space.. and then when he was like backed out of the space, but still didn't have enough room to leave, this car in front of the spot (as opposed to the one waiting behind it) drove in and "stole" the spot.. maybe he was waiting for it first and didn't want that car who thought he deserved it to take it.. but to try and park in it while the car is still backing up sucks. hahah.. it's ruthless.. but if you wait then you're not gonna get the spot. you could he all the news people jeering and laughing.. it was pretty funny.

hahah.. that's holiday spirit for you.

happy christmas eve!!

THINGS I HATE ABOUT TAIWAN:
1. crazy drivers - (traffic lights are only for "reference", if there's no lane, make your own.)
2. never being allowed to go anywhere by myself
3. not understand 70% of everything
4. missing my friends
5. how no one ever says excuse me
6. hanging out with my family

THINGS I LOVE ABOUT TAIWAN:
1. night markets
2. buying cute stuff everywhere
3. cheap yummy food
4. working house (a way cute crate & barrel/stationary/accessory store)
5. ice monster (a yummerific shaved ice with fruit place)
6. hanging out with my family

today i am pooped. i don't know if it's the rain, or the fact that i didn't really sleep all that well last night, or maybe some sort of weird reverse or delayed jet lag, but i'm exhausted. i've had a pretty good time for the past couple days, so yay. oh and it's my mom's birthday today, except my sister is busy with her other family (who's mom of the family's birthday is also today... weird huh?) so we're celebrating tomorrow. ordinarily i might be perturbed .. but right now i'm just whatever. i'm back in taipei at my grandma's, so it's just been tons of going out and eating and a little bit of watching movies on cable whenever i can snag the remote. i totally lost track of the days the other day and i couldn't figure out if it was wednesday or thursday, but it turns out it was friday. maybe it's because i can't use my tv shows to gauge what day it is. hah. my sister says that it happens to her too sometimes. mostly just been hanging out with my grandma and my dad. and this weekend my aunt and uncle wanted to take us out since that was the only time they could really spend with us. i've done a LOT of shopping and bought a TON of stuff.. i have no idea how i'm going to be able to bring it al back. but it's so cute, and i just keep buying more! i have like 7 or so bags right now sitting next to me on top of my suitcase... i'm not going to even try to pack it now.

saturday we went to tua lin st (i think) to eat this famou beef noddle soup place. it's was pretty yummy, but super crowded. it was weird to me to be sitting at a table with strangers while you're trying to have lunch and people just coming and going all the time to get customers in and out. my dad said he never wanted to go back because he hated feeling rushed like the manager wanted him to finish in 5 minutes and get out. then we went shopping afterwards to yuan ling st. and then this mall, but it was 7 floors of computer/techno stuff, so we left. i found out today that there's a 12 story shopping center right next to it... we totally missed it. dang. ate at this seafood/shrimp restaurant that had this really pretty lantern lit bridge. and watching my sister freak out by the fish tanks in the front of the restaurant is always a good time :P that night we went to shih lin night market and my aunt, uncle and grandma joined us, and i invited maurene's friend jen along too. haha.. my mom kept asking her all kinds of questions about teaching english in taiwan. but she said it's hard work, and it's super hard because of all the lesson planning and stuff you have to do (as i'm sure sakura is well aware of), so if you don't really want to be a teacher, it's kind of not so fun. hehe.. that was good news to me. because i think if i hadn't gotten a job, i would have seriously considered staying this time around. i bargained for some really good stuff, and ate these awesome steamed dumpling things that i was totally waiting for, i bought one of those match shaped lighter things that nicole's mom bought that i thought were totally cute. so i am excited for that. i'm really hoping they don't confiscate it at the airport though. i swear i won't do anything bad!

today, my grandma's brother treated our family to lunch at this restaurant, on the 12th floor of the shopping center. it was soooo crowded. you'd think a tiny island like taiwan wouldn't be crowded, but i've never seen so many people around. if you thought malls in america during christmastime were bad.. it's seriously nothing compared to this. it's funny though because the store is prepared... they have roped off lines for the elevators, designated by which floor you are going to. and then have elevator attendants, coming, during and leaving. it's like a ride at disneyland, they direct your every move. i only saw levels 1 and 12, but it was a madhouse. like yesterday, i went to most crowded stationary store ever.. it was insane. i'm glad i'm taller than a lot of people here, but it was insane... you couldn't even really get through the aisles. and there were workers standing guard i guess making sure no one stole anything.. but really how could you see? my dad was like "this is a fire hazard, i'm going to shut this place down" hah.. what a nut. afterwards, my grand-uncle, who is a tour guide to japanase tourists apparently took us to "ice monster" which is like the best shaved ice i've ever had. it was so good that i ate it even though it was raining! and it's not like regular taiwanese shaved ice, but like shaved ice, topped with fruit (they had strawberries, kiwi, or mango - but only in the summer, boo. ) and then topped with cremated milk and other stuff, like mango ice cream. they have other vareties with red beans, and taro and other junk. i just got strawberries with mango ice cream.. it was so good. well until my dad who said he didn't want any started deciding he wanted some, but then wanted to mix it with his hot red bean and yam soup (which i'm not the biggest fan of). it kind of got ruined. but it was really good before then.

i totally want to post pictures of all this stuff i'm talking about, because of course i took pictures :P but it'll have to wait. but there's good pictures in the webpage i linked above! :) i want to go back before i leave on wednesday.. is that crazy? haha.. maybe i'll tell my sister i have to take her.. it's sort of near her house. oh and i want to go to the taipei 101 observation deck. it wasn't open yet last june, but i hear it is now. i'll have to go on a day when it's clear. i wish i could have all my friends here and we could all go shopping and sight seeing together because i know they would love it. it would be like chicago, but cheaper, cuter and yummier. part of me wants to stay and part of me wants to go home already. and i feel like this trip has been so much longer than last time, although i think it's the same amount of time. i guess because there is less running around and less busyness. but when i pass the hotels we stayed and today i saw these cars decorated like they were driving the wedding party i get all nostalgic about my sister's wedding and wish it was last june again. but that's another story for another day.

happy birthday to my mommy.

oh and happy belated birthday to jeff, and of course PHILLY. i'm soooooo sorry i didn't say anything earlier.. but i TOTALLY remembered... i just was super busy with the grandpa stuff. and every time after that i kept putting it off thinking of a "good" way to say i'm a shitty friend and forgot about your bday... but there was no "right" way.. so now i just say eff it and happy belated bday. i hope it was awesome, and that you had a great great time. celebrated in true rock star style like you are. :) besides.. i'm sure you don't need me to wish you a happy birthday with your 50 million friends and fans. did you have your own thread at RKOP? hahah. :) *muah*

soo.. i gotta type fast since i'm on my aunt's computer and she's going to leave to go catch a train pretty soon. it's 8am-ish in california so most of my friends are probably still asleep or at work or .. i dunno.. just not on aim. anyways..

i am so full.. i had like 5 lunches and 3 dinners.. and sure maybe i should have stopped. but i was just sitting there listening to all my relatives talk.. so i had nothing to do but eat. sounds like a dumb excuse.. but oh well... i guess i walked it off going shopping tonight. i don't feel really bloated and awful right now so hey.. it's okay! oh i had 2 breakfasts too. hahah.. i guess it makes up for the non-eating i've been doing when i've had to eat vegetarian for the past few days. blech. give me meat.

so.. the funeral was alright. very traditional.. but seemingly odd in a sort of way. there was a small marching band with drums and saxaphones and a drum majorette kind of deal. and there was a sermon leader/MC kind of guy leading all the bowing and what not.. which i guess was not so odd (kind of like a pastor yea?). i didn't really get to participate because i guess the day they had it on there was a conflict with people born in year of the chicken, which is me.. so i wore the all white garb, but wasn't in the part with the rest of the family, didn't go to the viewing, and after the ceremony when they were transporting my grandfather's body to the car that (which were accompanied by 3 other trucks that were all decorated like rose floats) i had to go upstairs because i wasn't allowed to watch it. and i wasn't allowed to go the cemetary when he was being buried either. (yea.. even with my fear of cemetaries i actually did want to go.) bad luck omens for me everywhere. and i'm sure when i fell on the unlevel pavement my relatives were sure that it was a sign. thus it seemed very unpurposeful for me to be here. especially since i wasn't super close to him, but i thought being with my relatives would help me. maybe i'm not even supposed to be writing about it.. so i'll stop now. but.. it was i guess interesting to see the traditions and customs. kind of like seeing all the hoopla for my sister's grandeur wedding. so i became the photographer and took pictures. oh and one more thing.. that my family had to wear these different things.. boys were different things, and girls mostly wore the same thing.... which included pointy hats with a shawl type thing. it almost looked like the kkk except there was some color/design on the point. include that with the swastika symbols on the "money" being burned for as an offering and it's quite interesting. it's funny how the same thing can be so opposite in different cultures.

i guess i write about it so i can remember it when i come and read it months later. not that i won't.. but so i can better remember details. because i'm a nerd like that. :P yes.. i come back and read my own blog. isn't that what it's for? this morning i went shopping with my cousin and my dad to the day market (after eating breakfast #2) and bought tons of stuff, for myself and for presents. stayed in in the afternoon and listened to my mom and her relatives discuss "issues" about my grandfather's possessions i guess. i couldn't really understand it. but there's a stepmother involved.. and what seems to me like some shady business. i don't really know, and i don't want to believe all the stories about "wicked step-families" but sometimes i just wonder how people can be so... deceitful and uncaring. you know my step-grandma is only like 6 or so years older than my mom? i think.. but definitely not that much older... i would die if my dad married some 30 year old. *barf* but my step-cousin is cool. after they finished discussing (while my cousin and i were at the "hi-life" (like 7-11)) we went out to dinner and while they were drinking and talking as adults allllways drag on doing we went shopping at the night market.. i blew some more cash (my sister is right.. it just seems like play money!) and we played with these awesome sticker picture machines and then bought some meat innards on a stick off this street cart. yum :)

i feel tons better! yay for tons of sleep!! although i had to share rooms with my dad and he snores like no other. i'd wake up at least 4 times a night and not be able to get back to sleep for awhile. ack. done with the sickness. except now i have like a gazillion bug bites all over. even on my forehead. and i'm like putting on this medicine that smells AWFUL. i'm probably going to head back to taipei tomorrow or the next day. my dad is anxious to get back.. i think he's bored. but my mom still has stuff to take care of and things to clean through so i'm not sure if i should accompany her?

anyhoo.. i should get going. minutes minutes minutes.. and my aunt is going to catch her train soon. i should probably get to bed too.. miss everyone tons!!

so i feel pretty cruddy right now. despite the fact that i've slept alll day. i hope that it's not supreme jet lag, but rather the drugs. everyone keeps asking me if i have a fever and i think it's because they're worried that i have SARS. haha. great. i hope i feel better for tomorrow (the funeral) and that i'm not all wriggly and fussy like i've been most of today... which is why i've been sleeping it all away. can't exactly do that tomorrow.

is the weather in california still gorgeous? the day i left it was soo hot, perfect beach weather... not that i really ever go to the beach.. haha.. i just kind of like to go out and play. it would have been a good weekend for disneyland :P which i think i'm planning to go to the day after i come back.. if it's not blocked out.. i'll have to check. who wants to come with?

okay.. so sorry this post sucks.. i feel so drab... maybe it's time to go back to bed.

so i am here in Taiwan. i made it safe and sound.. although i do think that i'm coming down with something. ugh.. i don't know if it was from the plane or just around - but i'm starting to get the sniffles and have a little bit of a sore throat. yuck. it's not as cold as i thought it'd be. i'm glad that it's not sweltering hot.. but it's not like snow mountain cold. it's just a little chilly - kind of like how so cal was lately. actually i think that freeze wave was actually colder than this. i spent last night at my grandmother's in taipei and today took the train down to dou lieu where my grandfather's house is. the whole coffin in freezer thing wasn't as bad as i had anticipated. it's a giant tent kind of thing, and it's shielded from everything and decorated pretty well. there's a little shrine with offerings and everything. i haven't seen the coffin part yet.. i don't know if i'm "allowed" to. so many customs and all of that, i just learned today that there's a part of the funeral that i'm not allowed to watch. and my sister isn't coming because it's bad luck.. to her or from her i'm not so sure.. haha.. but i keep telling her that she's bad luck :P

i don't think maurene read this, but she has a friend who is teaching english in taiwan. i kind of want to contact her and go meet up with her. is that weird? i dunno.. i just wanted to say hi. haha. i might go the night market near my grandfather's house later on. maybe have some shaved ice. yum. buy some fake bags and other random crap. any requests? :) i'm already on a mission for a hello kitty umbrella. heheh. i'm sorry i couldn't go to the adopt-a-family get together beth (and others)!! i hope you guys had fun with the good-doing. but i gotta get going, my mom wants to use the phone, plus it also costs money to be on the internet. yikes. remember when we used to have to count our internet minutes.. sooooo long ago :P

so i found out today that getting boys to like you are a lot like job interviews. you have to be really self confident with a "can do" attitude, you can't ever say anything bad about yourself.. it's that whole "turn negative into positives" thing, and especially don't put yourself down. and they both need to be the "right fit" for you. and you may twist, contort, train or whatever yourself to try to fit in the job or the boy.. but maybe it just doesn't end up working out. what else is there? ... but yea.. so ridiculous conversations, "pants theories" and all of this advice and i come out that it's essentially the same thing. selling yourself to an employer or to a member of the opposite sex. and also .. if they really want you - they will go after you. they will do what they have to do to date/hire you. otherwise.. "they're just not that into you"

oh how i will grow to hate those six words. (as if anyone ever liked them right? well someone did i guess :P) sure .. maybe they're supposed to be empowering or something. but really.. they kind of make me sad.. and it's like "the rules" or whatever.. i just don't get it. hahah.. maybe THAT is my problem. with jobs, with boys, with life. and don't worry.. this isn't a pity party blog. but i'm rather amused with it. and essentially.. i think everyone knows what they "should" do. but it's hard to actually do it. and this is why it's amusing. because when i am nervous - this bout of verbal diarrhea tends to arise, or complete malfunction.. where the only thing i can utter is "yea.." or "oh" or "that's good." mm. yea.. my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard. that's right.

blech. wow. i think some people are waking up right now to go to work. i have yet to go to sleep. i'm still doing random stuff (not packing) andworking on stuff for my sister. i just feel like i should get it done. i can decide what to pack since i brought my laundry here... so i'm not TOTALLY procrastinating. i was supposed to wake up early - but of course. i did not. yea yea yea. be quiet.

apparently jason mraz played after an afternoon at his little benefit showcase thing. aww... i bet it was good. oh well. i had fun, went shopping with sakura, had dinner, and then hung out with beth a little bit afterwards. i was supposed to clean and pack and what not.. but i was tired so i put it off until this morning. today i did random stuff, laundry, sorting stuff, stuff for my play... which was my last one tonight :( next week is the last show and i won't be there. hah.. the person who is filling in is a "professional stage manager" hah.. oh what a drastic difference. but it's not hard and i didn't do a hideous job, and mandy and jeremy take care of most of the stuf anyways.. so they won't notice TOO much of a difference. i printed and mounted these production stills and i think they came out quite nicely. i was proud of myself. i drove from ucla-ish area to hollywood today.. traffic bites. argh. but it was mostly okay - except for the part where i almost rear-ended someone. i just spaced out for a bit, looking at a billboard or something and i guess i didn't realized traffic had stopped. i wasn't going very fast.. 30 or 40 maybe.. i was strolling, but i guess that's fast compared to a stop. so yea.. slammed on my brakes, screeching tires, stuff flying foward - but no accident.. so i am blessed for that. *phew*.. thank you to whoever saved me.

kristen and benji came tonight! yay!! thanks guys! afterwards was dinner/dessert at cat & fiddle with some of the cast and a final goodbye :) (plus the conversation as mentioned above :P) i'm sad that there are things that i can't be here for - the last show, my ex-work's potluck (those extra weeks of work i am not sad about), beth's adopt a family "party", benji's going away party, days of disneyland to go to before it's blocked out. sorry that i can't be at those things. i do wish i could! my manager (not the big boss) at my work said he's really going to miss me, and i could tell he meant it. and it made me feel good :) i am.... a little apprehensive about this funeral. and i hope it's not too bad.. there'll be lots of traditions and customs and what not. and not just chinese ones, but also ones specific to my small town my grandfather lived in. you know that they kept the body outside his apartment (in a coffin in a freezer) for display for a month, and each of his children have to spend 24 hours with it, to make sure it's okay, no one messes with it, and i think lighting incense. interesting huh? i'm supposed to be wearing all white (pants, shoes, shirt) as a grandchild (i think). do you know how hard it is to find white pants?! and i don't even know if the ones i got were okay. but yea. i hope my mom will be okay - but she is free from other stresses in her life, so she doesn't have to worry about that.

okay now i am just babbling to be procrastinative. this blog is longer than i had intended. and i don't really want to drive home right now. but i also don't to get stuck in morning traffic. argh.. it may have already even started. who who who knows... but i still have to pack! yikes!

have fun and stay safe kids! be good.

this lady at my work started blasting jason mraz from her computer.. i think the sold out album (mp3's that she ripped from my cd). can i just say how much i love that album. how much i love these songs? especially since i haven't heard them in awhile. *sigh* it makes me sad that i'm not going to that benefit thing tonight.. but i don't have the time to waste although i bet the concert would be good. i had a ticket available, but i also wouldn't want to go by myself. i wonder what he's going to play. i wonder how many 13 year old girls are going there in skanky skirts despite that that it's below 50 outside. i hope despite all the bitching and moaning jon is doing that he goes and tapes it. thanks man. speaking of which i need to load up my ipod before i leave. see! too much to do. i wish i could be doing it now. but i'm here at work.. bored. hoping i don't get in trouble for my flagrant use of "unauthorized" use of the internet. oh well.. what are they going to do? fire me? hah. :P if they haven't said anything today the reports and red flags won't go up until after a few days later... and then i will be goooone. besides.. it's not like i'm looking at porn :)

oh jason mraz.... <3

I bare my windowed self untamed and untrained
Dreams that hardly touch our complexions truest faults
If room enough for both my drowsy spirit shall fall
Bold waves tumble to the season of my heart
Where you have offended my faith and my trust
Until all is lost into the beauty of the day

But there's something in the way you laugh
That makes me feel like a child
Aspects of life they confuse me
You and your thesis amuse me

After and afternoon with you
And your rich brown eyes
Your lips and dark hair
Elbows and exposed knees tossing toward the ceiling
After an afternoon

Face to palm
Tear to tear
Mouth to tongue
Heart to ground
I am in love
-after an afternoon

suuuuuuuuuuuuuucks. last night during my semi-insomnia i discovered the coveted my so called life dvd available again on amazon.com. so i don't know if it was a bastardly trick.. but i held off on ordering it because i wasn't sure if my sister wanted the new one, if she wanted it shipped 1-day so i could take it back to taiwan for her, if she was okay with the used one for half the price. and i thought that 8 or so hours wouldn't make a difference. well apparently it has because i can no longer purchase it. argh! i got so far as "place order" and when i placed my order - no dice. i wonder now if i had just ordered it at 3am last night would i have gotten it, or would i have gotten the same result. if my reluctantness caused my demise in the hunt for these dvd's or what. i hate when i just let stuff slip through my fingers. but it always seems to happen that way. boooooo.

why i am still up.. i have no idea. i said i was going to sleep like 4 hours ago.. and then i did some crap (all not really productive of course) and now i am here. thinking about too much random crap.

i fuckin hate fuckin flakers. if you don't want to do something - then just say so. don't agree, flake and not even return calls.. i think that's so rude. i think that's why i always try to over-compensate and be extra nice because i hate this feeling. but then i just look like a loser since everyone is on par with the level of assholes that has become standard.

people need to friggin think sometimes.

i need to stop thinking sometimes.

arRrRrRgh.

my stomach is grrrrrowling even though i've eaten. i think it's digesting.. but it's loud..... maybe i'm coming down with acid reflux. har har har.. lame joke way late.

anyhoo.. 32 more minutes until i'm outta here for the day and then tomorrow is my last day at work. yay! and boo... yay because no more lame hours, lame rules about "proper use" and needing to wake up to just want to go back to sleep at work. boo because i will miss the people, and.. hmm. maybe that's all i'll miss. and the easy money, low stress work.. but the money will be coming in again .. as for low stress.. it shouldn't be too bad :) and i'm keeping my badge (shh..) i'm just hoping i don't royally screw things up - and i'm under-estimating myself and questioning my abilities just because i'm like that. i have been assured that i will do well and that i can do it.. so... i just gotta believe :P (haha.. remember that old ghost-writer episode where lenni did that music video called "you gotta believe") yeah.. i'm a dork. so what? i know someone out there knows what i'm talking about!

this week has been fun.. probably too much fun that i'm supposed to be having. i gotta do a bunch of stuff in the next few days before i leave. pack, wash clothes, clean up, record tv on to dvd, find the cordless phone, ooh..where did i put my passport? i really wanted to send out christmas cards before i left.. i dunno if i'll be able to. oh and maybe wrap a few christmas gifts :P anywys.. now i'm just babbling to myself.

it's time to go!! i was going to update more.. but it'll have to wait. whoooo hoo. well i can't be too happy my mom is leaving for taiwan today (again.) but i will see her again soon of course. hey.. anyone know where i can find white pants?

pictures from my birthday!

courtesy of erika's myspace :)

what you are
i am a slam-dancing sea captain who loves to mount samurais.

find out what you are and let me know! :)

so i don't have to be all hateful of nicole anymore, because i have my very own job!!! yaaaaaay!! i am a loser no more (well at least in the job aspect) and i feel good because i didn't have to compromise and settle for a job just to "have a job." after interviewing twice and not getting the job, while i wasn't a "good fit for that position" my interviewer still really liked me and thought i was a "good fit for the company." that's good right?! :) apparently so because i have a job :) and although my job isn't uber "glamorous" it is a step in the right direction and at a place that is good for my eventual superstar career :) they do graphics for movies, commercials, music videos, games.. etc etc... i do like the place, and the people i have met so far and there is always rooms for advancement.. which apparently is what everything is about. so while this message sounds totally canned i am very very VERY excited :) if i owe you anything or you want anything from me today is the day to ask because i will be more likely to say yes. i am in a good mood.

digital domain here i come :)

happy birthday pete and carol!!

yay! i hope you celebrate in happy fashion :)

drama drama drama.

yuk… there is mad drama with my mom’s work and her “leave of absence.” the funeral’s not until next month, so i don’t know what’s gonna go on. and i feel so bad because i feel so helpless, and while my mom’s bosses are being jerkfaces, they’re not doing anything illegal… so you can’t do anything about it. grr.

honestly.. who expects their employees to miss their parent’s funeral, and like if they’re not respecting customs and traditions of another culture… does that count as discrimination?

*sigh*

other than that.. this week has been okay. work on tuesday, dinner with dad and family friends on wednesday, and last night was the play. oh i lied.. this week hasn’t been okay.. because i’m going to die when my mom comes back. i don’t know who reads this journal, so i can’t spill the details because i don’t want to incriminate myself. but basically i swore up and down something wouldn’t happen that my mom wanted to prevent, and it happened.. so she’s going to be like “i told you so” and then kill me.

afterwards i met up with benji at henessey’s for free food the thursday the week of your birthday. yay! whoever says birthday’s aren’t a big deal.. i say that’s bullshit.. or you’re missing out. birthdays are the best… having a reason to celebrate is never a bad thing. we shouldn't lose that excitement about birthdays as we grow older :)

my meal was okay.. i didn’t know exactly what to get, and although the waitress said certain items were really good, she later told us that she’d never actually had them.. umm. okay. she had my steak cooked medium well instead of medium like i wanted it, so it was a little gross :P but dessert definitely made up for it. mmm.. we got the irish doughnuts.. they are like the best thing ever. it sounds a little gross.. but it’s amazing. deep fried twinkies, with vanilla ice cream and then chocolate and raspberry sauces. ooh yea.. even andy the professional cook said it was good. damn.. i should have taken a picture of it! oh well.. i’m sure i’ll be back. to top it off beth, ryan and andy came to hang out for a little bit and beth brought me the CUTEST birthday cookies. i'd have a picture up, but my computer is busted. sucks. but they’re cute and yummy.. beth is amazing.. thanks chica! so it was a good pre-birthday celebration :) i had so much fun.. and that’s why birthday’s are great.

another thing that’s great.. is daphne’s greek café. seriously.. amazing. i’ve been obsessed ever since carlene’s birthday party. and then beth, benji and i went there for lunch one day.. and apparently she’s now obsessed too. i signed up for their e-club and immediately got a free coupon for their zestas appetizer. yummerific. plus i get a buy one get one free coupon for it being my birthday. not too shabby :P

i think we’re doing another pre-birthday dinner since my “aunt” isn’t going to be in town tomorrow, she wanted to go out tonight. i think i want her and her hubby to try the stinking rose… drastically different from their restaurants in india eh? (he was amazed by souplantation :P) i had wanted to take my mom and dad there because they’ve never been.. and i think my mom could find something good there. but this is good too. and then lunch with my dad and sister tomorrow (probably el paso cuz you get a free meal too!) .. i am such a sucker for free stuff. then maybe some shopping.. or disneyland? and then dave & buster’s tomorrow night. yay!! i *heart* birthdays!! OH… and i got cards from buttryn and phillicita in the mail. THANKS SO MUCH GUYS!!! i really enjoyed the cards. kathryn’s was hilarious. it was about cake corners and how you get to keep them to yourself because it’s your birthday. it sounds lame as i type it out.. but it’s funny as hell on the card with the old woman “saying” it. philly's was very sweet.. but the faces on them were a little scary :P you guys are awesome.. thanks for making me feel special :)

so i realized that the traffic ticket is my birthday present from the driving gods. last year it was the accident, and lately i had been thinking about how i hope i didn't get into an accident again this time of year, but i think that this year it's the ticket. blech. i was looking at the paper work today, and i'm supposed to respond within 10 days with who was really driving the car (because the ticket came to my mom since the car is registered in her name). except you're supposed to sign it, and send a copy of your driver's license (i guess to identify that it's really not you)... umm. my mom's in taiwan though.. i don't know how i'm supposed to do that. so i guess i'll just have to call tomorrow and try to ask them.

something i just thought about ... what if your twin was driving the car? hahah

i wish i wasn't so chickenshit sometimes. :P

it's going to be a hit song already.. i can tell :P this is a poem britney wrote about her honeymoon. it's cute.. like kindergarten cute. not like i should talk, because i'm sure any poems i write sound like this (i'm big on rhyming).. but really? i can't believe people paid money for this.

"A honeymoon at last, to get away from it all
My assistant Fe gave me the call.

I remember it well, as she was smilin'
She said it was called Turtle Island.

I packed my bags light and quick,
Then grabbed my pink dress & favorite lipstick.

We hopped on a plane and took our flight
I slept really well, all through the night.

As we arrive, I turn and look out the door,
People are greeting us right at the shore.

A meal, a shower and some ice cream
Then I threw my man down, you know what I mean!

Magical nights filled with stars
Silence is golden, no running cars.

Private dinners, romantic fires
Little piece of heaven, whatever your heart desires.

Friendly "hellos" and never goodbyes
When you're having fun, oh, how time flies!

As we sit and prepare to make our part
I thank you, Turtle Island, with all my heart!"

i feel very plain today... i looked in the mirror while i was washing my hands - and my face seemed so pale and plain. i normally don't wear make up anyways, but today i just felt so colorless. it was weird. add how i just let my hair air dry - so it's waving and drying funkily and adds to my drabness. i was watching america's next top model last week and there commenting about anne, and about how she didn't "care about her appearance" because it was just something she threw together and there was a stain on her shirt.. although i thought her skirt was really cute. but anyways, a lot of times i feel like this.. like i just don't care.. and maybe i should. maybe i should take the time to do my hair everyday, put makeup on, iron my clothes or something. who knows. but i was also telling someone at work that it almost seems as if i'd rather go from okay to good rather than from good to bad. like if i wore makeup and did my hair everyday (which would be a miracle if i could get my lazy ass out of bed to do that) - the days i didn't, people would be like "man what ate her up"... then you become a slave to all of that. i know girls who won't leave the house (doesn't matter where they're going) without their hair and makeup done. i saw this lady at the gym putting on mascara in the locker room. doesn't that shit sting your eyes when you sweat? maybe it was the waterproof kind.. but whatever.

yesterday i was feeling very ghetto. the hem is coming out of my wool jacket. and originally i taped the string, hoping it wouldn't pull out anymore and was going to ask my mom to fix it. but i forgot, and now she's gone again and it was becoming really bad and i discovered it while at work. the fold of my jacket was coming undone and i didn't want to lose it, so i ... stapled my jacket. GHETTO. i remember when that used to be the "cool" thing to do in middle school or high school.. everyone would staple their jeans. yea.. didn't look so hot on my jacket. guess i can't wear that for awhile.

sunday i went to an awards thing for my sister. it was really a fundraiser type thing, but they were giving her company an award for contributing to the efforts of asian americans and film. my sister bought our tickets, and we got little puff pastries for our $35 ticket. :P it was fun cheering for her what not. there was this "digital slam" where they showed a bunch of 30 second shorts that people did incorporating different elements. some of them were pretty clever, other ones.. i just didn't get. my dad said that i could do better than that, i can't say that i disagreed. oh well. while my sister and i have the same interest, i think our genres are different. although i'm starting to think that this thing is more of a "hobby" and not meant to be my career.. just because.. it seems so... out of reach. but i am young, and we'll still see. my dad keeps asking me what i want to be.. and i keep telling him i don't know. and then he asks me when i'll figure it out, i tell him that as long as he keeps asking me, i won't figure it out. i'm such a brat. one other thing i also thought about on sunday is how many events that we've gone to for my sister... and how many my family has gone for me. they're a lot different and maybe hers are more presitigous.. but i still thought about it. allow me to wallow in my self-pity for 5 seconds..... okay i'm done.

last game of the DL's first season. we didn't win :( but it wasn't too bad, and i think a lot of us were having fun. or trying to.. how much fun can you have when you're losing? with us, we always either start out the game well and then let it go towards the end. or we start out slow and spend the rest of the game playing catch up and never quite make it. i made a pretty good catch at first base (after a really awful one) that i was proud of myself for. haha.. too bad it was at the end of the game :P even though we didn't win every game i still had a lot of fun, and i think that the team is great, and i love it that they wouldn't mind playing again. :) none of this starting their own all male team business :P afterwards we went to friday's to comiserate, and apparently i was "pushing our luck" with the waitress.. but really.. asking for what you want isn't bad.. it's their job :P

today our family friend is supposed to come stay at our house, but neither my dad or i know when she's coming in and what time we're supposed to get her at the airport. we haven't heard from her in awhile... and i hope she didn't email my mom because i forgot the password. haha. oh well.. if all else fails she'll call wondering where we are, it's a 10 minute ride to the airport anyways.

4 more days.

RIP my grandfather.
november 14, 2004

he was 93 years old.

aiya....

it wasn't too bad.. except today bums me out. well.. not the whole day.. just when i got home. my parents handed me this fatty notice from the superior court that included pictures of me "running a red light" bah... dammit.. the light was yellow.. but i remember when it happened.. the flashes went off.. bah. i called beth to whine and she consoled me, told me that they usually don't get a clear picture, usually take a long time to send out tickets... i felt better. today.. all the anxiety came back. along with a $341 fine. three hundred and forty one freaking dollars. gah.. i don't know about fighting it.. i guess i could go to court, but i'm sure they hear sob stories all day long, they'd probably think i was lying. someone help me please.

my mom came back from taiwan last night. she brought all sorts of goodies :) burberry bags, tons of hello kitty stuff, lots of knickknacks and cutesy fobby stuff. ooh and chinese pastry snacks. the best. my aunt called today though and said that my grandpa has some more issues. my mom is planning to go back to taiwan.. maybe tomorrow afternoon. yikes. she has issues with work, but i think that she doesn't want to regret not being there if the something does happen. :(

the play on thursday was okay.. i totally messed up one of the cues, i accidentally hit stop instead of the next button and on the cd player and totally got flustered and started to play some random track with the phone ring. i finally calmed down and played the right track, but it seemed like an eternity. the cast didn't hate me.. and afterwards we went out for food, drinks and conversation. i got to hear the romantic flick/dawson's creek style story of a true life get together of a couple including the phrases "soulmate," "i was at a party and miserable because you weren't there," "i always think about you," "i just want to talk to you all the time," "i don't know what took me so long to realize it," "all i ever think about is you," "you've just said everything i've been waiting eight years to hear you say"... it was too adorable.. sickening almost.. but cute. when it's supposed to happen it's just that easy i guess.. although it wasn't always, but it was in the end. it gives me some sort of hope. and it's always cute for guys to shed that macho exterior and just gush. aww.

speaking of macho exteriors, today i was next to a guy on his phone talking to his friend about weekend plans. i have never been more disgusted in my life. his conversation was like "you know those girls i was going to arrange for us to hang out with... they were playing all these games, trying to be cool - about who's calling who first, and naw... i don't play those kinds of games.. so i terminated them." and then "you know i've known this girl for a year and i still haven't hit it" he's so cool.

i'm supposed to be cleaning so i can maybe have a party.. i have about 2 or so days... 4 maybe at the most.. we'll see... who wants to come over and help?! i'll feed you and maybe pay you..although with this $341 ticket... i might be struggling for cash. (aww.. now i'm sad again).

something that did make me happy is that i've been looking into purchasing the iMac G5.. i know that i talked about it before.. but the time has come.. am i ready to blow $3000 on computer and software? ack... i wish money grew on trees.

on monday when i was sad about losing the game and being really bad... beth was trying to console.. in her own way.

jean: man... sorry guys. i suck
beth: what's with all this self-pity? that's not the jean i know! usually you delude yourself... like "masquerade ball is the greatest event ever!"

what a bitch.

RileyM: Hi!
jeanyah: hello
RileyM: Hi. What's up?
jeanyah: mm.. not much
jeanyah: do i know you?
RileyM: No. I found your name on webdate.com. Just looking for people to chat with.
jeanyah: what?
jeanyah: are you serious?
RileyM: I have no reason to lie to you.

so this conversation greeted me sunday night. i was quite confused. i was going to call beth or nicole and ask if the put me on there as a joke. but it's a completely different person from a completely different place. some girl is trying to steal my identity! jk. i dunno how she came about that name, and maybe that explains the number of random people imming me. but i freaked out for a nanosecond or so.

you can check out the "canadian" jeanyah.. i guess she can have that title :P
http://www.webdate.com/profile.php?id=840843

if you are sure you don't want to sign up (who doesn't need a webdate?) you can use mine. (i only signed up to see her profile, i swear)
username: jeanhuang
password: 36167

i wonder if she to other places like myspace or hotmail or gmail or aim or whatever and tries to sign up with jeanyah and curses me because it's already taken. hah. i'm hotter than her. just kidding.. so she's hotter than me. a different kind of hot. plus i'm not hot at all, so yea.

other than that, my life is same ol same ol. softball game last night.. we lost. again. boo. we were up for a little bit, then down, then tied. and then i let a bunch of people on base .. walks and all that.. (i suck) and they got 6 runs and we didn't score any. sucks. ryan made this really good catch in the outfield, and neal made an AWESOME catch at second base. i sucked a whole bunch. boo. but my team are good sports and very nice and supportive and don't talk shit about me to my face.. so as long as i can't hear it and they smile at me and pat me on the back, it's okay. just kidding. i dunno, i wish i had more control.. i'm gonna have to work on that. i'm not the biggest slo-pitch fan, but it is just fun to get out there and play. and when we do well, it's even better (before i start sucking). or maybe it's because everyone takes it easy on us because they think we're awful, and then when we show we're pretty good they turn it up and that's where it goes wrong. who knows.. i don't, obviously. but hopefully we will win our last game. ack. cross your fingers, and you guys should come out and cheer for us :)

afterwards a few of us got dinner at islands, and then i met up with keri to see the incredibles (yay) and beth, ryan and benji came with. it was good, the style reminded me a lot of the powerpuff girls. some of the graphics were neat, like the hair and the water - me and keri were oohing and ahhing, and beth and i squealed like 4 year old girls at the preview for the heffalump pooh movie. so cute! although the incredibles was good, i think it might be my least favorite disney/pixar movie. maybe it's because everyone said how good it was and i was super excited, and my expectations were thus super high. that always happens, but when movies i never really wanted to see - and then end up watching... i love. oh well.. it was good though. and i do like how they used real life aspects that contributed to their super powers. although that's not something i would have ever realized just from the movie. i heard the review on KROQ and he was talking about why each super hero had their powers. smart.

had lunch with my sister. she's leaving for taiwan soon. i'm sad she won't be here for my birthday, thanksgiving and maybe not christmas :( poop.

i just wasted $4.69 and bought 3 ringtones for my phone. i have always wanted to, but never thought i should, until this week, when i just said "fuck it." which sucks because i could have got more usage out of them if i had just bought them earlier. oh well.

so i bought "toxic" and the "beverly hills 90210 theme song" oh yea. for my third song, i'm waiting for a jason mraz song or harry potter. it'll be a good one.

i feel incredibly cool and geeky all at the same time.

hah.

so michael phelps isn't such a perfect hero after all.

underage, drinking and driving? oh my.

happy happy birthday sergi!

so.. my birthday is coming up. and a few people have asked me what i want. well really only one... but maybe more later. haha.. so in lieu of that... i present my amazon wishlist.

this isn't to advertise my birthday or anything. but i hate when people ask me what i want. because i'll say stupid shit like "a job, a boyfriend, a clean house so i can have a party.." stuff you can't just pick up on a shelf, but really that's what i want. or the new G5 imac or the G5 desktop with a pretty apple monitor to go with, but really i don't think anyone's going to be springing that on me. ooh or last season's GAP posters of michael vartan.. i'd love you forever for that. aside from that i don't know what i "really" want... and maybe i don't "need" anything. my room is too small to hold the stuff i don't already need. but it is definitely nice to get things. at the same time.. i hate answering because i feel like a greedy brat. also... i love the element of the surprise of a gift. like - someone took the time to figure out a good present instead of just getting whatever. i don't know.. i mean.. is getting a thought-out bad gift better than something you want? but in any case, that's a question i never really liked to answer. thus, the wishlist. this isn't specifically for my bday, and i put a lot of random crap on there.. so maybe use it as a guideline, or just to see what i'm into. also, i often forget that amazon has tons of stuff on there, so really i only use it to buy dvd's and what not, so that's basically the majority of the list (and mostly boxed sets cuz that's what i buy from amazon.)

i'm really not trying to a ego-maniac, or scream "hey! it's my birthday! you'd better buy me a present you fuckers."... but just for the few who were wondering "hmm.. what does jean want?" of course if you don't know me and just feel like giving a stranger a present, i'd be more than willing to oblige :P

yay.. it's friday.

although i may have booked myself for work on the weekend. blah. but it's only like 1 or 2 hours shifts of ice hockey, so it's okay. maybe i will run into tom cruise or michael vartan. i'm keeping my fingers crossed :P i still haven't gotten confirmation on whether or not they need me, so maybe i'll just get to veg out like i had planned. actually tomorrow was supposed to be my super productive day of cleaning. taking time to clean and throw out stuff since my mom isn't around to be packrat. but i can't really throw anything away because she will be PISSED if i her throw her "trash" away (even if it is trash).. so i'll just have to nicely organize it. which is still easier when she's not around because she's not nagging me on how to do this and that and to organize everything her way. i also feel bad when i go out too because i feel like i'm leaving my dad all by his lonesome. he always tells me "well i'm used to it now" which makes me feel even worse. it's true.. 4 years of college i wasn't around.. he's probably happy to be by himself every once in awhile. but still...

speaking of my mom i haven't spoken to her yet. maybe she called when i was at work or the play or something. but i figured no news is good news right? she's just enjoying her time in taiwan and having some quality family time. she needs it :) i only wish she could stay longer, i think she really misses living closer to her family and "home." i gazed upon an email once saying how sometimes she wishes technology wasn't so "advanced" because it has caused her to move further away and it moves people apart. which is sad.. but true.

wednesday night i was going to veg, but ended up covering a guy's shift at work. it was.. interesting.. a night riddled with injuries. yikes.. my first experience with "real" injuries .. well not really because on sunday a kid got hurt, so this is like injury week. but wednesday they called 911 and everything.. crazy! so the injury list included, broken wrist, knocked out teeth, twisted knee, and snapped hamstring. in two games. yikes. i feel the worst for the knocked out teeth guy - it's so permanent! ... plus because he did it to himself. hah. the puck deflected off his stick up to his mouth. was he not wearing a mouth-guard? he was wearing a sheild, but not a full cage. some people play without any face protection! i don't get that. now that guy is missing teeth. and his team was laughing and wanting to take pictures. awww. i also learned that if you put teeth in a glass of milk it helps preserve it? is that true? the random stuff you learn.

last night the play was okay. (only 5 left to come see!!) they changed the set and lights (we share the space with another play) so everything was different... so i messed up a few times... yikes. people said they didn't notice, but still.. i almost totally messed up and missed a few cues, but caught it in time. apparently i'm sucking at everything lately.

including tower blaster. philly kicked my ass 15,000 to 1,500 last night. :P

COME ON new hampshire, iowa, wisconsin and OHIO.

gosh dang that is asking a lot. boo.

so the lesson for tonight is always screw caps on tightly. i learned this lesson awhile ago actually when i went out to dinner and got steak sauce all over myself because the lid wasn't screwed on the bottle and i picked it up and shook it. steak sauce in the eye is no fun. today i knocked over a soda bottle (not mine) that the cap wasn't screwed on tightly and it landed into one of the referee's bags. oops. i freaked out, grabbed the fizzing bottle and tried to soak up the soda. unfortunately a lot of it got on a referree shirt in his bag, and he was not too pleased. i think i lied and said that it fell in when the players slammed into the boards. aiya. maybe he won't bring all his stuff out and change in the box anymore :P.. maybe he'll use the locker room and i won't be graced by his hairy chest and boxer breifs twice a week. ugh.

monday's game was not so fun. i sucked pretty badly.. i always feel as if it's my fault. but they also hit really far.. and our hitting isn't the best. but it is still a big part of my fault (boo). and i hate losing. so it's not so fun. emily and beth are really sweet and tell me that i'm doing well and it's not my fault, and a bunch of my teammates tell me that it's okay and i'm doing really well. and although it's nice to hear .. i don't believe them. haha. boo......

my mom left for taiwan today. i swear she is the biggest procrastinator. i'm sure that's where i get it from. she didn't finish packing until 2ish or so, her flight was at 3:30. crazy mommy. she always does this too. :P she hopes to help her dad's health.. but it is inevitable since he is 90+ years old. i don't know what to think or hope for. i hope she is able to be with him enough. she's coming back in a week or so... it doesn't seem like enough time, but her bosses are kind of not so nice right now. i hope it's peaceful, and not too much pain. it hurts less when you have time to prepare. but she's hoping for the "good outcome." but how long can it last? ugh.. i feel so cynical.

it's 2am.. and i gotta go to work (yuk) in the morning. i want to just quit already :P i am a huge slacker. i'm done watching the news for now..

come on ohio.
*on a side note... while looking at election results by state, i wonder what kind of person i'd be if i grew up in indiana. thinks that make me go hmm... boys are in the category too.

spaznik: poor thing... but hey he knows your name and calls you sweetheart

argh..

hmm.. so.. there must have been a glitch with the audio blogging, because i just had thought that i didn't push the right buttons at the end.. but i guess it just got lost for a bit, and now it's back. i've forgotten what i said already.

i know this is a bit late.. but

happy halloween!! :)

this week has been okay. was kind of crummy in the middle, but ended well. last weekend was fun. san diego. yay! it was fun hanging out, watching movies. i think most of it was in my audio blog. the first thing i did when i got there was get a california burrito from el coti's. mmm. went downtown to get my hair cut, whoo hoo. it wasn't too bad. spent $20 total, $10 for the hair cut, $8 tip, $2 parking. and then back that night for some movies, hung out with courtney, and went out and about in PB. saturday was more movies, just hanging out, got a calamari steak sandwich from el pescador (yum) although i got courtney a little lost driving around.. and she wasn't feeling well.. yuk. but she got some chai and some chocolate and felt better, so it's all good :) watched more films, hung out with jill and jason and then dinner with courtney and taylor. it was good just to see friends and hang out.. especially friends i hadn't seen in a long while. :) hopefully it won't be too long before we see each other again.

monday was our softball game. it sucked. it was so awful, bad for even us. for some reason no one (except for justin) could get it together. and maybe we weren't "that" bad, but we were bad enough, and the other team was good enough that it was just the worst game ever. i have never felt that crummy about a loss, and not just cuz we lost, but it was just plain ugly. afterwards beth, benji and i headed to chili's where we had the 32 year old waiter who just got kicked out of his parents house for being a free-loader.. so we listened to his stories, about how they took back his car (a range rover which he decked out with dvd players and what not) so he had to drop out of csulb and go to elco because that's within biking distance. how he used to live the high life and go to $300 dinners at big posh places, and now he lives off of trader joe's macaroni & cheese, and how he doesn't know how to clip coupons, or really where to find coupons. yea.. serious. we swapped horror retail stories, and he was a pretty cool cat. he wasn't too bad on the eyes either, which didn't hurt, and we all debated about whether or not he was gay. i thought he wasn't, benji thought he was, and beth flip-flopped.

work on tuesday, lunch @ daphne's with benji and beth. i swear that ever since carlene's birthday party i have been obsessed with gyros. they're so yummy! i had greek food with my sister in santa monica, and then daphne's the week before for dinner, and then again last week for lunch. i can't get enough. yikes.

i got in some trouble at work for some stupid stuff.. and it put me in a pretty crummy mood thursday and friday. i dunno.. i know that i'm not supposed to be doing certain things, but when everyone else is, and it doesn't really seem to matter. it's hard to just not to anything, instead of doing what you're "not supposed to be doing" (and this is of course after i've finished all my work. so you all don't think i'm a delinquent.) but yea.. it still kind of sucks.. and my uber paranoia is setting in, and i just seem to get weird vibes. so ... i dunno. after work i was going to be motivated and go to the gym.. but as i was walking up to the gym i realized that i had forgot my sneakers (after reminding myself twice to pick them up before going out the door) so i got back in my car and went home :) nice huh? nap before work and then work until midnightish. good times.

saturday was family and sister day. hanging out at her posh pad. that's always a good time. i get to watch cable and got hooked on the real world/road rules battle of the sexes. argh.. who won the ice competition? who's getting kicked off! i was sad that Ace got booted :P he's so adorable. eric nies is still pretty yummy. that night i had to go to work again - covering people's shifts who have real lives and parties to go to. since i didn't make any plans i figured i'd be nice and take the shift. i'm so dumb because i got super excited to see celebrities there - watching their kids play. it was too cute. i shouldn't be so starstruck, but i am. the celebrity count is up to three - dave coulier, peter gallagher and antonio sabato jr. haha. apparently kiefer sutherland and jerry bruckheimer were around playing pick up and tom cruise came to chat. and i missed him. man.. my sister would have loved me if i had clubbed tom cruise over the head with a hockey stick and brought him back. jk. but it was like an hour after my shift.. man!! tom cruise... aiya.. i'm such a goober.

sunday.. freaking daylight savings .. i had forgotten and woke up at 6:30am for my 8am meeting. argh. only after i finished getting ready did i catch a glimpse of my smart vcr that reset the time by itself and realize that i was up 1 hour too early in the butt crack of dawn. i really could have used another hour.. i took a nap, but it's not the same as solid sleep.

sunday after work, and confusion, and me being uber stupid dorky - nicole, benji, beth, ryan and i went out to hermosa for halloween. nicole really wanted to go out (even though she was sick) and i thought i'd appease her, but i'm really glad that she made me go out. :) it was a good time, and sorry for anyone who got annoyed at my stupidness. we went to patrick malloys - me as a school girl (with the costume i bought that day - skirt from the gap and knee highs from target :P), nicole as a old school girl star trek officer (AWESOME!!!), benji as a running with the bulls guy (are they officially called something?), ryan as a scientist, and beth wore her snow white costume (too cute). she opted for the real snow white instead of the slutty snow white.. but it was still great :) i had bought a ding dong from the pizza place next door, but didn't eat it right away, so i put it in my purse - but forgot about it and found it in my purse later on. at one point, me and ryan went for a shot and i was going to throw away the mutilated ding dong, but ate it instead. it was the best ding dong i've ever had. haha.. stupid. we hung out at a very empty kettle with a snarky ass waitress (probably just sick of stupid drunkards coming in all the time) and ate, had good conversation and sobered up. nicole thankfully drove me home before trekking back to chino hills herself (thanks for coming out!) and i crawled into bed trying not to wake my mom up who fell asleep on the couch while waiting for me (after the stern phone i got from her.. oops). this way she'll never know what time i actually came home :P

this morning we got a phone call super early - which usually isn't the best of signs. in the past months my grandfather's (mom's side) health was deteriorating. he's pretty old, and from what my mom says my step-grandmother isn't the nicest and doesn't take the best care of him. he'd go for days without eating and was in the hospital a few times. my aunt went back to taiwan to spend some time and hopefully nourish him back to health, but i don't really know what's been going on since then but i guess my grandfather is back in the emergency room. my aunt called this morning and through the walls i could hear bits and pieces of the conversation as i was drifting in and out of sleep. i hear my mom say "come home quickly?" which is never a good sign either. i guess my grandfather is in the hospital, and will maybe have to be transferred to a larger hospital - since they live in a fairly podunk town in taiwan. my mom is leaving tomorrow for taiwan and so i'll have to help her pack her stuff and try not to stress her out too much. i feel bad because i was super sad when my grandfather (dad's side) had died. i don't feel quite the same way now.. just because we weren't that close i suppose. i was maybe even a little freaked out by him sometimes. but i do feel an ache for my mom because she doesn't really handle stress well, and it's never a fun situation. she's pretty unfocused, but has to get some stuff done at work before she leaves tomorrow. she's crying and all that and just worried when someone tells you "you should come now." maybe i just don't think it's real yet or it hasn't sunken in. i wonder if anything awful does happen if i should go to taiwan.. the only thing holding me back would be the play.. so i dunno. it's a crummy situation but we'll get through it. my mom's mom died when she was young - so .. i dunno. he's lived a good life, had lots of kids and got to see my sister get married in apparently what my relatives are calling "the wedding of the century." i wonder how much of it he actually took in. but nevertheless, my mom got to be there to experience it with him. what sucks about being the younger child is that my grandparents could possibly not witness a lot of things i do... but .. i dunno.. what can you do. my mom had also been stressing out about her job and today on the phone she was telling me how if she didn't work anymore that i'd have to take care of her. i told her i would and she's like "really? you promise?" i dunno.. this conversation sounds dumb as i type it out, but i think my mom worries a lot about when she hits old age if me and my sister will just abandon her and my dad, dump them in some retirement home if they don't have money to survive on their own. my old lady neighbor is by herself all day and all night and says her son only visits her every once in awhile to make sure he can collect on insurance. this conversation between my mom and i.. i dunno. it was just interesting. not that you all care, but i'm writing it for myself so i can look back and read my blog later and remember these things i wrote. either to remind myself how dumb i was/am, or smart things i say. i dunno. one last thing that is really awful of me. is that i am a little giddy that with my mom gone there won't be anyone there to nag me. my dad is more lax and less uptight, but then again i also feel bad leaving him at home by himself. i dunno.. i feel absolutely awful for thinking it.. but it's the truth i guess. it just sucks that it has to be because of these circumstances. that's right.. i am an awful daughter.

anyhoo.. i am done babbling. sorry to have gone on so long. my shoulder hurts a lot.. i don't know from what. maybe just sleeping on it the wrong way. i hope the softball game tonight doesn't suck too bad. it's almost time for lunch.. yay. the day after halloween isn't the funnest. i wish i could have just stayed in bed. but that's always every morning. but it IS november. which i love. all the coolest people are born in november. :) plus.. there's the gorging yourself on turkey. yum! bring on the meat sweats!

happy november!